14 Y.O. Boy Expects 15 Y.O. Sister To Make Him Lunch, Blames Her For Letting Him Starve
The actions of entitled people take all sorts of annoying forms, from outrageous and insane demands to rude and bizarre behavior. Unfortunately, often enough, nowhere is this more clear than in one’s family.
A teenage girl shared her annoying experience with a brother who was only a year younger than her but still demanded that she cook for him. At the same time, he refused to allow her to teach him and insisted that she was the reason he was “starving.” Readers shared some advice and did their best to teach OP what “weaponized incompetence” is.
Family members often make unreasonable demands
Image credits: Dapur Melodi / pexels (not the actual photo)
A teen shared her experience with a brother who thought it was her duty to feed him
Image credits: Gianpiero Ferraro / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: olive Bauers / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Terrific_Torii
Some folks believe that faking a lack of skill is their golden ticket to free stuff
Image credits: Elijah O’Donnell / pexels (not the actual photo)
Many of the commenters suggested that OP’s brother was most likely employing some form of weaponized incompetence. If you haven’t come across this term before, congratulations. In short, the idea is that a person claims to not know how to do something so that someone else does it in their stead. Unfortunately, some people know that they can get away with it so they will remain a burden until put in their place.
Even worse, sometimes the person will intentionally refuse to learn, as they prefer another person doing their work for them. After all, OP notes that the brother has some basic skills, enough to at least cook some pasta, however, he insists on asking her to help. Indeed, baked mozzarella rolls don’t exactly take any cooking skills, as you just place them in the oven, set a timer, and return when they are ready.
Interestingly, the dynamic of a man being (or acting) incapable so that a woman does work for him is hardly new. While OP has not provided any additional information, besides some minor details in the comments (which can be found below) this might be an indication that in her family, the mother does the bulk of the cooking anyway, so her brother simply believes this is how things should be done.
OP’s brother is a classic case of an entitled family member
Fortunately, OP has the right idea, to let him “starve.” This particular phrase reveals the brother’s bizarre level of entitlement. Not only is it strange that an able-bodied young man refuses to cook at all, but he still microwaves some ramen later. So all in all, he was never at risk of starvation, even if he didn’t have the slightest idea of how to cook. This is a classic case of a manipulative family member who seems to truly believe that they are entitled to someone else’s work.
Truth be told, OP allowing him to starve is probably for the best. At a certain point, hunger will set in and he will find his own way to feed himself. The worst thing OP can do is to cave at some point. He needs to learn that if he wants something, he has to get it himself. In the long run, this will massively contribute to his own happiness and the general life satisfaction of those around him. Fortunately, many of the comments suggest the exact same thing to OP.
This is a classic case of people thinking that family members are a source of free labor, time, energy, and money. The most important thing is to not enable this behavior. If it’s possible to cut contact, that would be for the best. OP doesn’t have this option, but, fortunately, her brother’s demands seem pretty easy to ignore. After all, a diet of ramen is unlikely to give him enough energy to protest and complain in the long run.
OP and some commenters discussed the brother’s behavior
Other readers shared their thoughts
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Helplessness is not an attractive quality, but this should be the parents' problem, not his sister's.
If he wants to be stubborn and use weaponized incompetence he can stick with ramen.
According to the OP, when their parents tried to teach them how to cook he refused to learn so he probably doesn't know how to use a stove or microwave oven either.
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He can play complicated games but can't read a box of pasta that tells what to do when the water boils. Nice. Ok well you can be an AH too to him an just tell him to read the box stuff comes in. If he starts a fire that's on him. If he only wants ramen that's on him. Make a production out of cooking your food an ask him if he wants to help. If not then he gets none. Fair is fair. Hey mom and dad should have a talk to untitled bro too. You are not his chef or maid.
Even some college age women don't know how to read a box of pasta. Some of us went on a Baptist Student Union retreat and when it was their turn to cook supper instead of waiting for the water to start boiling before adding the spaghetti they put it in the saucepan added cold water says on the stove and wondered why it stuck to the bottom of the pan what's the wire had started boiling. It was my group's turn to make chili the next night and our advisor really appreciated how I continued stirring the chili as it cooked to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan. I think it was because I was about 10 years older than the girls who tried to make spaghetti and was pursuing a master's degree.
Load More Replies... Helplessness is not an attractive quality, but this should be the parents' problem, not his sister's.
If he wants to be stubborn and use weaponized incompetence he can stick with ramen.
According to the OP, when their parents tried to teach them how to cook he refused to learn so he probably doesn't know how to use a stove or microwave oven either.
Load More Replies... He can play complicated games but can't read a box of pasta that tells what to do when the water boils. Nice. Ok well you can be an AH too to him an just tell him to read the box stuff comes in. If he starts a fire that's on him. If he only wants ramen that's on him. Make a production out of cooking your food an ask him if he wants to help. If not then he gets none. Fair is fair. Hey mom and dad should have a talk to untitled bro too. You are not his chef or maid.
Even some college age women don't know how to read a box of pasta. Some of us went on a Baptist Student Union retreat and when it was their turn to cook supper instead of waiting for the water to start boiling before adding the spaghetti they put it in the saucepan added cold water says on the stove and wondered why it stuck to the bottom of the pan what's the wire had started boiling. It was my group's turn to make chili the next night and our advisor really appreciated how I continued stirring the chili as it cooked to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan. I think it was because I was about 10 years older than the girls who tried to make spaghetti and was pursuing a master's degree.
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