Bride Conflicted After Family Glare Daggers At Her: “AITA For Wearing White To My Wedding?
Many women feel tension with their mother-in-law (MIL), and it’s not just the stereotypes that are pushing this narrative.
A whopping 68% of females said their relationships with their husband’s mothers ranged from mildly to severely strained. Indeed, one wrong look, one selfish act, or one unpleasant comment can change this fragile alliance forever.
Soon to be married, Redditor Aita-wedding12345 clashed with her MIL because she refused to walk down the aisle in a pink gown. After seeing her wearing white during the ceremony, her husband and his mother didn’t hesitate to express how disappointed they were with her.
Hurt by their reaction, the bride turned to the “AITA” subreddit, asking if she was wrong for choosing her dream dress over MIL’s expectations.
Rarely do MIL and DIL relationships go without disagreements
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual image)
This MIL freaked out after seeing DIL walk down the aisle wearing a white dress
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual image)
Image credits: aita-wedding12345
Why do some mothers-in-law seem to dislike their daughters-in-law?
This story probably makes some of us think mothers-in-law really don’t like their daughters-in-law that much, but why? Dr. Madeleine A. Fugère weighed in on this question, saying that women experiencing this aren’t alone.
Fugère began by noting that the traits children value in their partner aren’t the same ones parents value in a match for them. While a younger person may appreciate traits such as physical attractiveness, an exciting personality, or a good sense of humor, parents may be concerned with family background, financial stability, or religious beliefs. Because of these preferences, mothers-in-law may choose someone entirely different for their children. This may lead to an initial dislike from an in-law perspective, which can be difficult to overcome.
Mothers are also used to having an authoritative role, doing all the caretaking and decision-making. But when another individual joins the family and has their own traditions (cue the white dress), it can create disagreements. Some mothers-in-law might even become anxious about losing time with their children, which can lead to opinionated or stubborn behavior due to their fears. Research even suggests they may worry about being excluded when their child finds a new partner.
Additionally, some of the most intense conflicts over partner preferences between in-laws and adult children occur over attractiveness. Based on evolutionary theory, good-looking women are more likely to leave the relationship, and more attractive men generally care less about creating a family. Therefore, parents may object to handsome partners as they wish their children a long-term commitment that leads to kids of their own.
Image credits: Teona Swift (not the actual image)
Managing this complex relationship
A licensed psychotherapist, Elizabeth Fedrick, suggests that a mother-in-law should play a loving, encouraging, and supportive role in their child’s life, even after they get married. However, mothers shouldn’t be authoritative or influence their family’s decisions. If the parents overstep their boundaries, the relationship can quickly become difficult.
Fedrick advised that the best way to manage such family dynamics is by setting boundaries around how much involvement a mother-in-law can have. This may include how often they visit the husband’s mother and how long she can stay in their home. She notes that there’s no competition, so the mother-in-law can provide as much opinion or direction as the wife accepts.
Taking one-on-one time with in-laws can also make the bond stronger and reduce the possibility of conflict. Getting to know each other and finding common interests or differing habits and behaviors may lead to a positive outcome. If that’s already achieved, maintaining mutual respect will keep things going smoothly.
When certain boundaries are overstepped or a mother-in-law acts disrespectfully, it’s important to ensure that she’s aware of this and to remind her that such behavior is not acceptable. Assuming that such habits continue, partners need to identify what the next steps are going to be, whether this would include spending less time with her, avoiding uncomfortable situations, or reducing the shared amount of information.
Image credits: Maycon Marmo (not the actual image)
Some commenters say she’s not wrong
Others believed she was selfish for breaking the tradition
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
These YTA comments confuse me. They talk about how marriage is a compromise, but if the bride did give up her dream dress in favour of a blush one, it would just be the ML and husband getting their way. I mean, where's the compromise on their part?
They mean wives have to compromise, there's an undercurrent of sexism telling her she's a A for choosing a wedding appropriate dress.
Load More Replies...
I would have taken a hike back up the aisle, told groom and his mommy they could both wear blush at his next wedding and get that marriage annulled! I don’t see this marriage going well
You just know when the marriage fails, his side of the family will blame the white dress!
Load More Replies...
Marriage is about compromise, so they should have done what the groom wanted. Marriage is about communication, so when the bride said “I’ll ask if they can alter the dress, and if they can’t then that’s that,” she obviously meant “I will either find a dress which suits my mother-in-law or I will defenestrate myself”. YTA /sarcasm/
Load More Replies...
Geez, I am a big fan of "as long as you shower and wash your clothes, wear what you want". I wore black to my wedding, my husband wore whatever he wanted and we and everyone there was happy for us.
Agreed and I too wore black for my wedding. (It's very slimming)
Load More Replies... 
Two things. The YTA people need a kick in the groin. The reasoning is entirely ridiculous. second, nta. But the husband is a spineless twit. I hope op is ready for him siding with his mom
Don't get the YTA. Everybody should wear whatever they like and is in general fitting the occasion. Groom wears something he feels great in, bride wears something she feels great in. Either one does not discuss the others choice, thus compromise! But we don't know the cultural context here, in some countries brides are just not allowed an own opinion and when still making own choices, they get in real trouble.
A wedding is a great excuse for a p**s up, and a religious ceremony if your faith requires it, but beyond that, people who pretend the details matter are never people you want in your life. If a dress colour offends them, just think what endless drama they'll find next. Imagined slights only multiply.
I love how all these crazy YtA comments talk about "compromise", but at the same time are totally ok with MIL dictating what OP wears. I have a strong feeling that these commenters need to look up the word "compromise". Apparently it doesn't mean what they think it means. It certainly does NOT mean "I, as the woman, let the groom's family walk over me like a doormat". What if OP had said that she doesn't like blush dresses? Would MIL have steamrolled over that to get her will? And what kind of "tradition" is "we'll forever stick to the dress colour of the relative that didn't die right after the wedding" ?! Big fat YIKES. What else are these people superstitious about?
Curious as to if the tradition, the bride was of that family or if previous blushing brides were also marrying into it. And if those who had the bad luck were of that family or marrying into it. She may have not really broken any tradition at all.
She has more of a husband problem than she does a mother-in-law problem
Were those YTA comments left by the MIL? Because I see no other explanation.
This is stupid. It's the groom's family tradition, not the bride's, so she doesn't have to adhere to it if she doesn't want to. I get the feeling that the bride is meant to follow her in-laws ways now she has married rather than live her own life. She should proceed with caution.
On a positive note, you've been married such a short time that you can get an annulment pretty quickly and easily. I wouldn't care what my MIL thought of me, but my own husband saying he was disappointed? Oh, hell no. You do not stay married when your brand new husband says he was disappointed seeing his bride come down the aisle. I would have turned around right there and then.
The groom is TA here. Either he's siding with his mom over his bride, or he hid his feelings on the subject until it was way too late.
The groom should have worn a blush shirt, as it's his tradition. I am sure all the bride's family wore white, and this is a national tradition. 99% of dresses are in white--the chance that she fell in love with a blush dress was very small. It should have been a request, and one that was gently refused. I would have looked horrid in blush myself, and this was her choice. The husband is TA for saying something horrible that the bride will NEVER forget.
Big oof. Going through with that wedding seems unwise. You marry the family not just the spouse, though it definitely seems in this case the spouse is pretty spineless and a doormat for his mother.
I guess the MiLs outed themselves in the comments. Not too late to get the marriage annulled I guess. Your husband's response tells me just exactly how this dynamic is going to work in the future.
Marriage is not about compromise, marriage should be about love. That family is already acting like you are to be their loyal devoted servant. Run, run far, run fast, get away from all of them.
Is it too late for an annulment? I see this dress issue as just the beginning of a very trying relationship between him and his family and you. He has already chosen sides.
Simple way to answer the MIL comments about tradition is, well in my family it's traditional to wear white.
Apparently on my hubs side, family tradition is getting married about 4 weeks becoming parents and resenting each other for the duration of the marriage. I decided to ignore that trend and its fine 😂😂😂
I'm a ESH. Both had ideas on what they individually decided, neither agreed before so Surprise everyone was unhappy. I am not saying who should have compromised, I am saying the conversation should have happened earlier.
ESH - f**k tradition. But also have a conversation instead of blindsiding them.
“MIL asked me to ask if they could alter it to make it blush, or to find a new dress if they couldn't. I said I would ask, but if they couldn't then that was that.”
Load More Replies...
Why not wear a blush veil or something with the dress to compromise?
Why though? It's his family tradition not hers and that would look weird.of you can't look your best on your wedding day, when can you? He was a jerk to his wife on their wedding day. That is unforgivable.
Load More Replies...
This is bad communication on both sides. Noone deserves a free pass for having the 'right' gender here. The bride MUST have suspected her choice would have been an issue, or else she would not have kept it a secret. She has instead demonstrated she will take the initiative, and go forward with things she knows upset her new family. Avoiding a conversation, by keeping a secret, deprives communication from working.
“MIL asked me to ask if they could alter it to make it blush, or to find a new dress if they couldn't. I said I would ask, but if they couldn't then that was that.”
Load More Replies...
The rest of your logic is also flawed. White dresses are the most common and therefore your lowest priced dresses will tend to be white. A blush dress would be a special order and nearly always cost more.
Load More Replies...
So if her family tradition was the grooms all wear tutus down the aisle you would wear one? She communicated just fine. They just decided not to believe her.
Load More Replies... These YTA comments confuse me. They talk about how marriage is a compromise, but if the bride did give up her dream dress in favour of a blush one, it would just be the ML and husband getting their way. I mean, where's the compromise on their part?
They mean wives have to compromise, there's an undercurrent of sexism telling her she's a A for choosing a wedding appropriate dress.
Load More Replies... I would have taken a hike back up the aisle, told groom and his mommy they could both wear blush at his next wedding and get that marriage annulled! I don’t see this marriage going well
You just know when the marriage fails, his side of the family will blame the white dress!
Load More Replies... Marriage is about compromise, so they should have done what the groom wanted. Marriage is about communication, so when the bride said “I’ll ask if they can alter the dress, and if they can’t then that’s that,” she obviously meant “I will either find a dress which suits my mother-in-law or I will defenestrate myself”. YTA /sarcasm/
Load More Replies... Geez, I am a big fan of "as long as you shower and wash your clothes, wear what you want". I wore black to my wedding, my husband wore whatever he wanted and we and everyone there was happy for us.
Agreed and I too wore black for my wedding. (It's very slimming)
Load More Replies... Two things. The YTA people need a kick in the groin. The reasoning is entirely ridiculous. second, nta. But the husband is a spineless twit. I hope op is ready for him siding with his mom
Don't get the YTA. Everybody should wear whatever they like and is in general fitting the occasion. Groom wears something he feels great in, bride wears something she feels great in. Either one does not discuss the others choice, thus compromise! But we don't know the cultural context here, in some countries brides are just not allowed an own opinion and when still making own choices, they get in real trouble.
A wedding is a great excuse for a p**s up, and a religious ceremony if your faith requires it, but beyond that, people who pretend the details matter are never people you want in your life. If a dress colour offends them, just think what endless drama they'll find next. Imagined slights only multiply.
I love how all these crazy YtA comments talk about "compromise", but at the same time are totally ok with MIL dictating what OP wears. I have a strong feeling that these commenters need to look up the word "compromise". Apparently it doesn't mean what they think it means. It certainly does NOT mean "I, as the woman, let the groom's family walk over me like a doormat". What if OP had said that she doesn't like blush dresses? Would MIL have steamrolled over that to get her will? And what kind of "tradition" is "we'll forever stick to the dress colour of the relative that didn't die right after the wedding" ?! Big fat YIKES. What else are these people superstitious about?
Curious as to if the tradition, the bride was of that family or if previous blushing brides were also marrying into it. And if those who had the bad luck were of that family or marrying into it. She may have not really broken any tradition at all.
She has more of a husband problem than she does a mother-in-law problem
Were those YTA comments left by the MIL? Because I see no other explanation.
This is stupid. It's the groom's family tradition, not the bride's, so she doesn't have to adhere to it if she doesn't want to. I get the feeling that the bride is meant to follow her in-laws ways now she has married rather than live her own life. She should proceed with caution.
On a positive note, you've been married such a short time that you can get an annulment pretty quickly and easily. I wouldn't care what my MIL thought of me, but my own husband saying he was disappointed? Oh, hell no. You do not stay married when your brand new husband says he was disappointed seeing his bride come down the aisle. I would have turned around right there and then.
The groom is TA here. Either he's siding with his mom over his bride, or he hid his feelings on the subject until it was way too late.
The groom should have worn a blush shirt, as it's his tradition. I am sure all the bride's family wore white, and this is a national tradition. 99% of dresses are in white--the chance that she fell in love with a blush dress was very small. It should have been a request, and one that was gently refused. I would have looked horrid in blush myself, and this was her choice. The husband is TA for saying something horrible that the bride will NEVER forget.
Big oof. Going through with that wedding seems unwise. You marry the family not just the spouse, though it definitely seems in this case the spouse is pretty spineless and a doormat for his mother.
I guess the MiLs outed themselves in the comments. Not too late to get the marriage annulled I guess. Your husband's response tells me just exactly how this dynamic is going to work in the future.
Marriage is not about compromise, marriage should be about love. That family is already acting like you are to be their loyal devoted servant. Run, run far, run fast, get away from all of them.
Is it too late for an annulment? I see this dress issue as just the beginning of a very trying relationship between him and his family and you. He has already chosen sides.
Simple way to answer the MIL comments about tradition is, well in my family it's traditional to wear white.
Apparently on my hubs side, family tradition is getting married about 4 weeks becoming parents and resenting each other for the duration of the marriage. I decided to ignore that trend and its fine 😂😂😂
I'm a ESH. Both had ideas on what they individually decided, neither agreed before so Surprise everyone was unhappy. I am not saying who should have compromised, I am saying the conversation should have happened earlier.
ESH - f**k tradition. But also have a conversation instead of blindsiding them.
“MIL asked me to ask if they could alter it to make it blush, or to find a new dress if they couldn't. I said I would ask, but if they couldn't then that was that.”
Load More Replies... Why not wear a blush veil or something with the dress to compromise?
Why though? It's his family tradition not hers and that would look weird.of you can't look your best on your wedding day, when can you? He was a jerk to his wife on their wedding day. That is unforgivable.
Load More Replies... This is bad communication on both sides. Noone deserves a free pass for having the 'right' gender here. The bride MUST have suspected her choice would have been an issue, or else she would not have kept it a secret. She has instead demonstrated she will take the initiative, and go forward with things she knows upset her new family. Avoiding a conversation, by keeping a secret, deprives communication from working.
“MIL asked me to ask if they could alter it to make it blush, or to find a new dress if they couldn't. I said I would ask, but if they couldn't then that was that.”
Load More Replies... The rest of your logic is also flawed. White dresses are the most common and therefore your lowest priced dresses will tend to be white. A blush dress would be a special order and nearly always cost more.
Load More Replies... So if her family tradition was the grooms all wear tutus down the aisle you would wear one? She communicated just fine. They just decided not to believe her.
Load More Replies...
36
79