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GF Is Sick Of 29YO BF’s Parents’ Requests To Check His Daily Routine, Refuses To Be His Babysitter
Young woman sitting on couch looking frustrated, representing helicopter parents treating sonu2019s girlfriend like nanny and planner.

GF Is Sick Of 29YO BF’s Parents’ Requests To Check His Daily Routine, Refuses To Be His Babysitter

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Perhaps the most important function of parenthood is to provide children with a happy and comfortable life. This is so they don’t need anything and can develop and just live peacefully and easily. However, many parents do believe that their care for their kids should not end when these kids become adults…

We have told you stories about the so-called ‘helicopter parenting’ more than once or twice, but it turns out that this phenomenon extends to adult children as well. For example, in this story, from user u/Common_Category_269, the parents of a guy in his late twenties exhibited a classic behavioral pattern of helicopter parenting.

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    The author is dating her boyfriend of 2 years—they live together and make decent money—but the only problem is the guy’s parents

    Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The guy is 29 years old, but the parents try to insert themselves in his life by hook or crook

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    Image credits: Common_Category_269

    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The parents keep annoying the author in order to make her a kind of ‘babysitter’ for the adult man who is actually 6 years older than her

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    Image credits: Common_Category_269

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    Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The author used to just brush them off gently, but now she thinks it’s time for a harsher reaction

    Image credits: Common_Category_269

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    The woman asked netizens for advice on whether she’d act rightly if she were to put the boyfriend’s parents into their place

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    So, the Original Poster (OP) tells us that she is 23 years old, and for the past two years, she has been dating a guy named “Josh,” who’s six years older than her. Moreover, they live together, and everything would be just fine, if the boyfriend’s parents hadn’t recently bothered our heroine, asking her to get him to do things—in fact, just his daily routine.

    For example, they might just call and demand that she make sure Josh goes to the dentist. Or that he renews his ID. It got to the point where the parents might not like the brand of pet food for his cat, and they might ask the original poster to come up with the idea of changing the brand.

    But the climax was the parents’ demand that the author influence her boyfriend in order to change his job—simply because they didn’t think he made enough money. For reference, the OP makes 110k, and Josh makes 70k, so they’re just doing fine. Usually, both Josh and our heroine would just brush off such requests and demands, but now, the author feels she has had enough of all this.

    Her typical reaction before was to gently but firmly say that Josh was already a big enough boy to cope with all of life’s issues on his own, but she strongly believes that it’s time for a more forceful response. So, before moving on to a bit more harsh words, our heroine just wanted to ask netizens for some kind of advice and support.

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    Image credits: mark2eko / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    “Helicopter parenting is not a new phenomenon, but very often, unfortunately, parents try to insert themselves into their children’s lives when they’re adults already,” says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “They think that by doing so, they are helping them, but this is, of course, not so.

    “On the one hand, an excessive desire to help and take care of children actually does a disservice to them—after all, after coming of age, they become nearly helpless in everyday life. So parents thereby extend their ‘window of usefulness’ for their children for years and years. But by doing so they only make things worse for them in the long run.

    “By the way, this woman should also watch her partner’s reaction to this behavior of his parents. If he relies too much on their opinions and decisions, then this could be a significant red flag for the further development of their relationship,” Maria assumes.

    Many commenters on the original post agreed that the author may face problems in the future due to her boyfriend’s overly passive attitude towards such manifestations of parental “care.” Most responders simply believed that the OP was absolutely right and that the annoying parents should be put in their place. So what about you, our dear readers—do you also agree with this?

    People in the comments sided with the author, also assuming that their ‘helicopter parenting’ could be a red flag for their relationship

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    Oleg Tarasenko

    Oleg Tarasenko

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

    Read less »
    Oleg Tarasenko

    Oleg Tarasenko

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

    What do you think ?
    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Josh is a grown *** man. He's capable of taking care of himself. Land the helicopter."

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From what I read on reddit, the boyfriend does need reminders from the OP for some things and not others - as do I from time to time. His parents sound like micromanagers. For example, they want their son to change the cat's food to a different brand that THEY like - but the cat likes what it's eating now. C'mon, who tries to micromanage a CAT???

    Skogsrået
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They also want him to change career cause they are not happy with how much money he makes!? Wtaf!?

    Load More Replies...
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    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whatever happened to just ignoring people? Don't acknowledge or reply to their requests, and if they keep harassing you, block them.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really like that last comment about them not raising him to be a functional human being.

    bElLa sTairZz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    really interested in how josh feels about this, it feels like his problem to fix, otherwise the parents will see the gf as a problem rather than their own actions

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, and it's better to be up front and not petty about it. So tempting to be funny or flippant, but if OP wants a future with her partner, being polite but firm is the best way to deal with his parents.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If there's any pushback, I recommend something like, I'm with my partner for who he is, not for who you think he should be and then go LC.

    Load More Replies...
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ex's parents used to do this with me, especially his mom, parallel to her managing his finances without him asking her to. Admittedly, he was a b*m who did as little as he could for anyone but himself and his job (to uphold the reputation of being a very decent and trustworthy teacher), so I understood why his mom did that, but p**s off.

    Sparkle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about "I'll let Josh know YOU called ME to make sure x was done " A normal adult would shut that down immediately because you would feel like their parents don't think they get anything done and they're not responsible at least I w

    Tyke
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not saying they will as it's absolutely not for everyone, but if these two have kids I hope OP realises Josh will be as useful as a chocolate fireguard and she will carry all the mental load.

    Papa
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because his parents are asking his girlfriend to do all those things for him does not necessarily mean he NEEDS her to do so.

    Load More Replies...
    Littlemiss
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sil does this to my mother. Everytime my brother doesn't do what she wants to calls my mother and tells her to sort her son out. My brother is almost 50 years old. Makes me cringe.

    Mark Alexander
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he needs help remembering, teach Josh how to use calendar reminders.

    Mel in Georgia
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate being a nag to my spouse. But when he says something like, "I really should get on the bike more..." I ask him if he would like me to remind him to do it. I don't WANT to remind him, but sometimes people need a little push. He often says yes!

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an attention deficit, so I don't mind a gentle push. If hubby's reminders turn into frustrated nagging, it generally means I need something more. That might be his participation, such as in making an important decision or it might mean I need more information before acting.

    Load More Replies...
    Ivona
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's pretty normal for wives to remind their husbands about doing things (and vice versa).

    Sue Ellen Bowen
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Josh is a grown *** man. He's capable of taking care of himself. Land the helicopter."

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From what I read on reddit, the boyfriend does need reminders from the OP for some things and not others - as do I from time to time. His parents sound like micromanagers. For example, they want their son to change the cat's food to a different brand that THEY like - but the cat likes what it's eating now. C'mon, who tries to micromanage a CAT???

    Skogsrået
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They also want him to change career cause they are not happy with how much money he makes!? Wtaf!?

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    Schmebulock
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whatever happened to just ignoring people? Don't acknowledge or reply to their requests, and if they keep harassing you, block them.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really like that last comment about them not raising him to be a functional human being.

    bElLa sTairZz
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    really interested in how josh feels about this, it feels like his problem to fix, otherwise the parents will see the gf as a problem rather than their own actions

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA, and it's better to be up front and not petty about it. So tempting to be funny or flippant, but if OP wants a future with her partner, being polite but firm is the best way to deal with his parents.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If there's any pushback, I recommend something like, I'm with my partner for who he is, not for who you think he should be and then go LC.

    Load More Replies...
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ex's parents used to do this with me, especially his mom, parallel to her managing his finances without him asking her to. Admittedly, he was a b*m who did as little as he could for anyone but himself and his job (to uphold the reputation of being a very decent and trustworthy teacher), so I understood why his mom did that, but p**s off.

    Sparkle
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about "I'll let Josh know YOU called ME to make sure x was done " A normal adult would shut that down immediately because you would feel like their parents don't think they get anything done and they're not responsible at least I w

    Tyke
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not saying they will as it's absolutely not for everyone, but if these two have kids I hope OP realises Josh will be as useful as a chocolate fireguard and she will carry all the mental load.

    Papa
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because his parents are asking his girlfriend to do all those things for him does not necessarily mean he NEEDS her to do so.

    Load More Replies...
    Littlemiss
    Community Member
    Premium
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My sil does this to my mother. Everytime my brother doesn't do what she wants to calls my mother and tells her to sort her son out. My brother is almost 50 years old. Makes me cringe.

    Mark Alexander
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he needs help remembering, teach Josh how to use calendar reminders.

    Mel in Georgia
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate being a nag to my spouse. But when he says something like, "I really should get on the bike more..." I ask him if he would like me to remind him to do it. I don't WANT to remind him, but sometimes people need a little push. He often says yes!

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an attention deficit, so I don't mind a gentle push. If hubby's reminders turn into frustrated nagging, it generally means I need something more. That might be his participation, such as in making an important decision or it might mean I need more information before acting.

    Load More Replies...
    Ivona
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's pretty normal for wives to remind their husbands about doing things (and vice versa).

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