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Boyfriend Wonders If He Was A Jerk For Telling His GF To Pack Her Bags, After She Repeatedly Ignored His Food Boundaries
Disagreements over seemingly simple things—like food—can tell you a lot about your partner: what they value, how they treat your boundaries, and how much they respect you. Redditor u/Hangry_manstarved’s post went viral on the AITA subreddit after he shared the drama that happened with his then-girlfriend. What started out as a somewhat lighthearted tale about boundaries with one’s food developed into something far deeper, and the redditor was left questioning the very foundations of the romantic relationship. Because at its core, the disagreement wasn’t just about food.
The man shared how his girlfriend repeatedly ignored the food-related boundaries that he had clearly communicated to her, and how this eventually led to him asking her to move out. Things got that bad. However, the OP still had some doubts about whether or not his reaction was the right one, so he asked for a verdict from the Reddit crowd, hoping for some neutral advice to help him mull things over. Scroll down for the full story, dear Pandas, and let us know what you think of the situation.
The redditor told us that he hopes the post can help others “wake up and realize that they need to get out of an abusive relationship.” He added that when in a relationship with attention-seeking liars, it’s important to leave early “and not to think that the person will change.”
Meanwhile, we also reached out to dating expert Dan Bacon, from The Modern Man, to talk about boundaries, living together, and friction in relationships. He explained to Bored Panda that relationships are supposed to be two-way streets and that “if a relationship is to survive and become stronger over time, both people need to hear the other person’s wants and needs and adapt, improve and change where necessary to create more harmony and love.” Read on for our full interview with Dan.
RELATED:
Learning to respect each other’s boundaries helps keeps relationships healthy. It’s all about mutual respect
Image credits: Tim Samuel (not the actual photo)
One guy shared how his girlfriend kept eating his food despite repeatedly asking her not to do so. An incident with a cake he’d baked led to a major argument
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)
Generally speaking, I personally don’t have a problem with sharing food as long as I do the proper song-and-dance with the famished guest. I either have to offer them something to eat (which I do, frequently) or they have to ask if they can have a bite. If someone would repeatedly help themselves to what’s in my fridge, without even the slightest reference to how politeness works, it would get old pretty darn quickly.
In romantic relationships, obviously, our boundaries have to be a bit more flexible. Some things are left unsaid, and we might get used to our partners ‘borrowing’ a few chips or nibbling our food when we’re out for a night on the town. Here’s the issue though: we’re hungry, too. We tend to enjoy food, too. And we might have been looking forward to a particular meal all week long. When you know that and you still take a large portion of what we ordered for yourself instead of ordering for yourself, you trample on our feelings (and our stomachs) a little bit.
If we also end up baking something for someone else, like a friend or a relative, and we make all of that clear, we don’t want to find that our efforts have gone to waste. That’s when behavior that kinda seemed ‘cute’ a few months ago can suddenly feel like it’s actually a tad sinister. You end asking yourself some important questions. Why did you feel like it was okay to take a bite out of each slice of the cake? Why not eat a slice, why take chunks out of all of them? Why not ask for a taste in the first place? The redditor clearly showed that his girlfriend wasn’t receptive to his boundaries and she ignored his attempts to communicate what mattered to him a lot. The cracks in the relationship began to show bit by bit.
The vast majority of the AITA community supported the OP. They found the girlfriend’s behavior very weird. Some thought that she was gaslighting the relationship. Others believe that the relationship didn’t have much of a future to begin with.
Dating expert Dan, the founder of The Modern Man, noted that in relationships nobody ‘has to’ do anything. “Instead, it’s a choice to either be attractive or unattractive, effective or ineffective, or appealing or annoying. So, if one person comes up with a boundary or rule in a relationship, it is then up to the other person to decide whether they want to adapt to that, or defy it,” he explained to Bored Panda.
“Sometimes a boundary or a rule that someone comes up with is unnecessary or unfair, so boundaries or rules aren’t something that automatically need to be followed by people in a relationship,” he said. A couple of examples of unfair boundaries include someone telling their partner to never come into the kitchen when they’re cooking or never coming into the room when they’re watching TV.
He pointed out that it’s never the case where only one person in the relationship is right or one person’s completely at fault.
“So, if you have a personal boundary that you don’t want to be crossed, then you should bring it up, but if the other person doesn’t accept it or adapt to it, then you need to consider whether or not your boundary is necessary, or if the other person doesn’t respect and love you enough to adapt and change,” Dan said.
“If your boundary is necessary and fair, but the other person is never willing to adapt to it, they either don’t love and respect you enough, or aren’t yet ready to be in a relationship that will last for life.”
Bored Panda was interested to get the dating expert’s opinion as to when we should move in with someone and if we can tell that we’re ready to do so. “You should only move in with someone that you love being around and are happy to have in your daily life,” he told us.
“It’s not a life sentence to move in with someone though, so it’s not something to worry too much about. Moving in with someone isn’t as serious as getting married or having children. If you find that living with a person doesn’t feel good anymore, you can always move out,” the founder of The Modern Man shared his thoughts.
“Yet, if you’ve had a child with them, you can’t undo that. The child will be there now and become part of a broken family. So, don’t worry so much about moving in with someone. If it feels good to move in with them, then try it. If it turns out to feel bad, move out or get them to move out and find someone else.”
The OP provided some more context in the comments of his story
Something that we’re constantly reminded of in our day-to-day lives are a few iconic scenes from the legendary TV show ‘Friends’ where we learn that the goofy-but-loveable Joey Tribbiani “doesn’t share food!” It’s a very relatable and realistic dilemma: while many of us are happy to share with some of our loved ones (sometimes, maybe), each and every one of us has different boundaries when it comes to food.
While Person A might be fine ‘donating’ a few fries to friends who decided not to order anything or have a free-for-all approach to what’s in the fridge, others need more structure. More boundaries. More mutual respect. Person B might not be used to others ‘generously’ helping themselves to their food all the friggin’ time. But once again, it’s usually not about food: it’s about deeper issues.
Here at Bored Panda, we thoroughly believe that boundaries are incredibly important in romantic, familial, and professional relationships. They make things clear, they ensure that everyone’s on the same page in terms of expectations, and they help us navigate the sometimes-messy thing that is Dealing With Other People.
Not everyone is a grandmaster at reading tone and body language, though, so they actually need someone to tell them what they did wrong. It can all be done diplomatically, in a friendly manner. But repeated violations of these boundaries shouldn’t be met with endless tolerance. If you don’t enforce your boundaries, as the redditor did in his story, then they don’t actually exist. Actions have to have consequences. Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but intentional disrespect shouldn’t be allowed to spread.
Relationship coach Alex Scot previously told Bored Panda that one way to criticize someone and ease them into what you’re saying is to use a so-called soft-start-up.
“This is basically leading with an ‘I’ statement to state your feelings, and then requesting to discuss the subject now. For example, “I’m still feeling overwhelmed from what occurred the other night. Is now a good time for you to discuss it?” And here’s the catch: your partner is allowed to say ‘no,’ and to propose a time that does work for them,” the coach shared one way to navigate tough conversations with our partners.
“The goal here is to stop initiating heated discussions with character accusations like, ‘You’re so lazy! You never pick up after yourself,’ and instead to use the soft start-up to get the ball rolling and to prevent your partner from getting defensive,” she gave an example.
Here’s how some people reacted to the entire dating drama
What do you think ?
NsG 3 years ago
There's an update post and... It's not great. Some "highlights": I arrived home to no key in the postbox and an open door. That was a huge alarm bell ringing in my head. Who knows when she left and how long it had been open. The place was trashed but it could have been worse...she had thrown everything out of the cupboards, fridge freezer and the small spare freezer... H had literally yanked the door of the little freezer... my clothes were both ripped some were stuffed in the toilet and some were missing...[he arranged to meet her at her parents house and there's some stuff about her entire family not keeping their story straight]...She had my shirt on, and started talking to me as if nothing had happened. H asked me about what weekend plans we had as if nothing was wrong. It was a weird feeling because I was actually scared of her...I quickly made my excuses and left. I texted her that we were over and not to come back to my place....
NsG 3 years ago
...I said I would pay her 600 pounds toward some rent for her new place as I was the one that made her break her lease but she was not to contact me again. *On Tuesday she was outside my flat. When I wouldn't come down to open the door downstairs for her she started yelling and throwing things at my window (I am on the second floor). Some of my neighbours complained so I went out to calm her down. It did not go well. I can't write what she did but lets say the cake had it easier.
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Will Cable 3 years ago
Think I'd have baked something with the hottest, spiciest ingredients as well as the strongest laxative possible and then wait.
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
Some definite power issues there. Taking a bite out of every cake instead of eating just one slice. Taking the first bite out of everything he's trying to eat including the ice lolly she had one of too. Breaking into a locked fridge just to bite bits of forbidden food. It's not cute it's bunny boiler creepy. Some say eating off a partner's plate is a sign.of affection, but she's seems to have gone over the top a tad too much.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
Ho-ly sheep dip! This chick has issues. Very serious issues that OP cannot help with and he should run like sugar free gummy bears through a sensitive colon. Do not interact with her or her family without witnesses and/or recording it. Set up security cameras in his place, change the locks and install deadbolts if possible. I know this sounds extreme, but its better to be prepared for the worst possible outcome. I haven't read all the updates, but she, and her family sounds like the type that would make attempts to get OP in trouble up to and including false police reports. Dude should be vigilant and watch his back because this chick has issues.....
Vanja Vidovic 3 years ago
"sugar free gummy bears through a sensitive colon" :D :D :D :D
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Rens 3 years ago
Just because she's never been violent, does not mean it's not abusive behaviour. This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour on her part and I would definitely kick that person out of my life.
María Hermida 3 years ago
I absolutely agree. Just because she is a woman does not mean she can't be abusive. I know this is not politically correct, but women can be as abusive and possessive as men, even if sometimes it's not so obvious. This kind of mind games can be as harming as physical violence. I'd definitely get witnesses, change the keys, and report the incident.
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peruchipac 3 years ago
Hmmm... TAKES food from you... from EACH piece of food, but won't let you take from her. Selfish, manipulative, and controlling. Stop being so generous and possibly too naïve... Run!!!!!
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
I'm reminded of a couple I knew when I lived in the US. Both very religious--they met in church. Her father introduced her to him. From then on, if the two of them had a date, her father almost always insisted on going along. He put up with it because he figured it would stop once they got married. Well, once they got married, she showed her true colors. Turned out she was a completely emotionally/physically abusive psycho. When he tried to talk to his inlaws about her, they very casually said something to the effect of, "Oh, yeah, she's always been like that, but we were hoping you'd be a good influence on her." He put up with it for two years before he divorced her, and he's now happily married to someone else.
Deborah B 3 years ago
I had Australian cousins who used to do this - it was a sibling-fight thing where they would steal the first bite of someone's food. It was a way of taunting and showing disrespect and dominance. It's a form of bullying that gets dismissed as a joke - "I didn't steal his food, I had one bite!" What it is, is a deliberate violation of boundries, intended to humiliate a rival. It's saying "I can take your food, and you can't stop me, and then I'll claim it was playful." It also expresses entitlement "I'm entitled to mine, and to some of yours as well." The same kids would lick food to 'claim' it, or take a bite out of each donut in a box, rather than sharing. Most people stop doing it by their early teens. Keeping on doing it as an adult after being repeatedly asked to stop suggests a personality disorder. This girl does not like or respect her boyfriend, she feels entitled to everything she can get from him, and it is entirely on-brand that she would destroy stuff when asked to leave.
RMA 3 years ago
Btw this is not normal Australian behaviour! I’m an Aussie and have never met or even had a friend of a friend of a friend etc do this revolting power trip.
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Alma Muminovic 3 years ago (edited)
This is just bizarre behavior. Definitely not normal in any stretch of the imagination. She needs to go see a therapist and figure this s**t out cause its weird. The fact her HS bf dumped her because of it and shes still doing it tells you it’s a big problem.
deanna woods 3 years ago
I am already someone that doesn't like to share my food, but this made me even angrier and it didn't happen to me. Unless someone offers you a bite of their food, you leave it alone. The breaking the lock just makes her seem like a complete psycho. What really got me though was the taking bites out of each piece of cake.
Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
When I read about her stealing the first bites of his steak, I was so mad on his behalf like b*tch dont effing touch his food without permission!
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Jos Tiguidou 3 years ago (edited)
This is why you should ALWAYS live with your significant other BEFORE you get married. Saves a lot of trouble. Funny thing is, older folks would not have put up with this bs for as along as you have. He's def NTA and good riddance! Edit. Read the rest of the comments and holy s**t. Girl was obviously a total psycho. All of her friends are either liars or they aren't her friends at all if they never saw this behavior or thought it was problematic. Wow. I've had some crazy stories, but nothing on the side of "pretty good chance of getting murdered if I stayed" kind.
Bored Turtle Princess 3 years ago
My guess is she might show this side of hers to only her family and whoever she's dating.
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R Dennis 3 years ago
It's an assertion of dominance thing. My wife does it sometimes and sees nothing wrong with it - but I call her out for it every time. "Why do you feel the need to assert your dominance over me?" "Is there a reason you feel I can't have the first bite of my food/drink of my beverage?" "Why do you need to make sure what I have is your leftovers?" This really makes her mad, but it has gone a long way in correcting this behavior because she sees it is irrational. Now, she would never go so far as to take a bite out of each item in the fridge - that one is a complete nutter.
R Dennis 3 years ago
Back in the day I used to eat the best part of my food last (corner of steak, middle of cinnamon roll, etc.) My wife/gf in the beginning would eat her best part first, then ask me for the last bite of mine when she had finished her food. I would always give it to her until, after YEARS of this, I said "No!" That she always took the best part of my food and never let me get to enjoy it. Her response was that since she ate the part she liked best first, she thought everyone did and that I didn't know how good it was. It turned into a bit of an argument, but then she realized that I was giving her the best part of my food all the time knowing it was the best part. She apologized and never asked for the last nugget again.
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Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
First off nta. This is weird. What it kind of reminds me of, though, is how when you go to a restaurant, you all trade a bite if you got something different. My family has always done this, and now my husband and I do it, too. Sometimes we cut off a piece right at the beginning before the cuttlery is dirty, and pass it to people's plates. Unless we don't care. Like, my husband and I don't care as much about passing germs between ourselves, so we usually let the other try their own dish first. Oh, and you never just take it. You either ask, or they offer. You're allowed to tease like you're going to take some, but you never actually do until they laugh and wave their fork at you. I'm wondering if this is sort of what H is thinking of when she says this behavior is normal. Sure, families share food, especially at a new restaurant. It's definitely not the same thing, though.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Dude is making mistakes left and right. Someone should have been there while she packed up and left and he should have reported what she did ASAP. Start a record. This type of crazy doesn't stop because you are done. It will stop when she finds something, more like someone, else to focus her attention on
Megzymonsta 3 years ago
NTA I have weird phobias about germs so would consider any food someone else has bitten inedible. If someone wants to try my food I'm happy to cut a bit off but can't eat any part of it if someone so much as nibbles the corner. I know some people have weird expectations about food sharing but taking bites out of every piece of food someone has is a very disturbing behaviour - especially if they've been specifically asked not to do it.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Only a psycho takes one bite of eight separate pieces of cake instead of just eating one slice in its entirety.
T M 3 years ago
Even in the animal kingdom others know to leave the male lions share alone. If you try to take from a dog they will growl as a warning and bite as a last resort. Her behavior is not normal and not respectful. She is obviously a narcissist and things will only get worse as they've already escalated. Her family (aunt) is also weird and disturbed to do something like that. You will be next don't think you won't. Read up on narcissistic behaviors and how to end it. You may have to move, close social media connections, change phone number, go NO CONTACT whatsoever. Do not help her in anyway because that will just keep the door open to be her meal ticket. Take care of yourself, pray, find a woman with a good heart and values.
Rebecca Burrer 3 years ago
NTA, your gf has no boundaries obviously. You have to make a choice whether to continue this relationship knowing that she will continue to do this or move on from this relationship.
Inclusion2020 3 years ago
This girl definitely needs to see a therapist and get down to why she needs to do this. Behavior like this occurs for a reason, usually a deep seeded one. But clearly she’s not ready to address this behavior. OP should def get out of the relationship. You can’t help someone who is not at a point to help themselves. What an odd pattern of behavior though. I’d be interested to know the root cause for it.
Rosie Cat 3 years ago (edited)
I'm not surprised at all that this woman damaged property and such. She has the mindset of, if I can't have ALL of you even the food you consume then NOBODY will. He should tell his family and friends what happened, tell the police. If he doesn't want to get the law involved change his number, and move to another place. Oh and I wouldn't pay a single penny for that chick to live anywhere. Let her family who lied about how she really is deal with her. NTA.
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
Former nurse who did psych for a couple of years. This isn't normal behavior. I am pretty sure she has a psychological or psychiatric condition. If she only does it with boy friends, then it has a co trolling aspect. She not have grown up with food issues but... the overwhelming need to take a bite, the first bite of her mans' food is strange. It is entirely possible that she has a compulsive disorder, and sees you as the one she needs to show dominance over and for her to jump right in and take the first bite of everything, is bizarre. If you stay with her, insist she go see a psychologist and be evaluated for her behavior. Something is not right. She feels an overwhelming need to ignore your boundaries and your request to leave your food alone. She seems unable to do this and it needs to be evaluated.
Grace Allingham 3 years ago
I really wish people would stop giving awful people the benefit of the doubt and just cut them off when they start doing some weird s**t. No second chances no NOTHING. like I shouldnt have to beg or bargain for someone to show me basic human kindness and no one else should either. I hope he learned from this and realized he needs to take a red flag as a red flag and to not ignore it. Sheesh
anarkzie 3 years ago
It's not always clear from the outset that an awful person is awful, they kind of sneak up on you and suddenly you're living with a crazy person.
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Pg130 3 years ago
It is one thing to playfully take a bite of one's food here and there. But to continue to do it after being asked not to many times is not a good sign. I believe she thinks she had you wrapped around her finger until she pushed it too far. She seems incredibly rude and immature. I also think she should have paid half the utility and food bills. And although you offered her a rent free status, she should have at least offered to contribute something if not half towards that as well. Given what she did to your place upon leaving, I think you may have narrowly escaped a much worse outcome had you let her stick around. That said, I would have likely given her 1-2 months to find a place rather than make the banishment immediate.
Brittany Coffey 3 years ago
NTA. I'm requesting follow-up though: did she move out? What was the final (the final so far, anyway) result? I'm wondering also - you said she did this with past boyfriends: could it be a cultural behavior between a man and wife in her culture? I'm dying to know her response to the big "why" question as well. Although she'd probably use the same excuse that she did originally, that "all girls do it. It's cute and the guys love it." It's definitely not typical "Developed Country" culture - don't let her fool you with that one (or that "all guys love it" c**p).
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
There is a follow up be basically, she ate bites after she knew it upset him because it felt like he was trying to control her. And her dad always shares his food with her mom so she expected that treatment. Since she doesn't do it with family or friends and just boyfriends, it isn't a good security issue. She even made him wait over 4 hours before she showed up at her parents house after requesting he not leave before talking to her so it really seems like she is trying to control him or assert her dominance. Also so narcissistic or personality disorder behavior pretending like everything was fine after she went psycho on his apartment
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Seth NoWai 3 years ago
She clearly has some sort of mental health issue that needs to be addressed. And not by just making a deal, bit proper professional help. The kind of help that will dig in and find the cause and fix it on that level. Also yeah, change locks and stuff, even if they aren't seemingly violent, things can turn south after escalation like this. Because you really don't know what kind of issue you are dealing with and how it will manifest in reaction to escalation. And it is for both protecting you and your property.
Panda-riffic 3 years ago
This post is VERY similar to the recent one about the girl who invited all of her friends over and ate his food.
Klara Lorinczi 3 years ago
There’s definitely something wrong with her. Her behavior is NOT normal and is very inconsiderate of your needs and wants. She’s not a good potential partner. Get out while you can.
JayWantsACat 3 years ago (edited)
It's not cute, it's not a thing people do, and it's a major red flag that she constantly blows off his issue with it. Major red flag. EDIT: and now with the update, there goes the "she was never violent." And JFC that lady needs massive help. I bet she excuses it as being "passionately in love" or something. I hope things eventually work out for OP.
The Starsong Princess 3 years ago
When I read that he left her alone at the apartment, I knew it would not end well. When a relationship is new, you don’t see the crazy as much but as they approached a year, she was unable to hide it and started escalating. Breaking up was the best thing to do and now he needs a restraining order.
blatherskitenoir 3 years ago
This feels like a power/ dominance display to me? Especially since she only does it with romantic partners, not friends, family, or coworkers.
SoñaSatiVa 3 years ago
I read your first post about this before the cake and lockbox incident. I felt really bad because it's obvious that your a really nice guy. Also, I don't think you did anything wrong, it seems like you set pretty definite boundaries and it seems like if she would've complied considering that fact you're paying for everything. Regardless you are now dealing with a mentally unstable female and you should document everything., pics witnesses etc because something tells me🤔 lol that she isn't done with you yet.
Priscilla Wilson 3 years ago
My 2cents: Her father paid no attention to her or she never knew him.
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
She got livid when a lock was put on the fridge? OP, get her out of your life and out of your apartment. I can't believe you left her alone in there. She could steal things, trash the place or worse! NTA.
Darth Verminates 3 years ago
I was in a relationship with someone that did things like this even when I asked them not to. Passed off as cute but probably actually a means to avoid intimacy via sabotage... And a sign of a self image problem.
S Putnam 3 years ago
As a former Civil Process Director, I warn everyone to be VERY careful about who you invite to live in your home. Once someone lives at an address - getting mail, etc- they can only be removed by the eviction process! You can "ask" them to leave, but you cannot enforce it. Be forewarned.
RoanTheMad 3 years ago
I am afab (aka, a woman, genetically) though identify as nb now. However, I've dated women all my lie, I'm married to a woman. Neither I, nor anyone I have dated, nor my wife, have engaged in this kind of behaviour. So no, not "all women do it" "out of love" "because it's cute".. no. F**k off.
serenyaa 3 years ago
At the beginning of the story I was thinking he was being very over dramatic, I always ask for a small bite of my bf's meal and so does he, and it's never been a problem. But the moment he said she took a bite of every slice of cake, and every snack he owned, well that changed everything. I wonder why she does this, is it some sort of mental issue? Also the update post literally gave me chills, I'd definitely report her to the police
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago
Sounds like the "Not Violent" part of her made a 180 turn real quick after reality set in. I hope the fella is safe and far, far, far away from his danger zone-level ex.
Sherrie Dawn 3 years ago
Bored panda is basically turning into TikTok with the AITA posts. They are EVERYWHERE on that site. Block one channel doing it and 3 more show up in its place. Inability to block hashtags is what actually led me to recently re-deleting the app.
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Salty Wild Hair 3 years ago
That is some kind of weird power move. Some people offer their first bite after they make their best dishes as an honor. She just takes it.
Stéphane Lussier Johnson 3 years ago
This sounds like some kind of "marking her territory" issue. Or having an Alpha Female complex. At least, she's not pi**ing on your clothes.
Paloma Trejo 3 years ago
Do a police report if you have not already done so, and tell them you want to do a protective order (not a restraining order, those are useless). Change all the locks on the doors and windows.
Stargazer66 2 years ago
I'm finding it really hard to believe any of this at all. I think OP is yanking our chain.
Karin Morris 3 years ago
This is bizarre, there's something mentally wrong with your GF, no other women do this and no we don't think it's cute.
Angie Ruloph 3 years ago
Is this woman a rodent? Who the hell takes bites out of everything and leaves the rest of the pieces? That is so damn weird.
Daniel Hansen 3 years ago
I think she probably had bipolar disorder and also possibly bdsm dynamic she was trying to establish. Maybe she was hoping for a spanking or something. She clearly has issues to work through but it sounded in the beginning like she was just trying to irk him in order to get him to take dominance. Just my thoughts. But yeah, trashing your place and yelling outside your place sounds like a bipolar type one psychotic episode to me.
Arenite 3 years ago
Document the damage she did. Inform the police and the landlord. You must change the locks, and probably should get an order of protection. And therapy. The fact that you excuse her and allow her to get away with this behavior is concerning. Now you are offering her money?!!? You need to protect yourself.
Jaekry 3 years ago
It started with: "She has to stop this behaviour, then she can live with me".... Ppl do NOT change overnight, ppl can grow, develop over time. Having to set a boundary like this in a few months... Red flag. The bite out of every slice is a "don't tell me what to do" reaction. This 'relationship' was doomed before it even started.
A falz 3 years ago
My ex claimed he hated sweets. At Christmas one year my aunt sent me a candy you could only get where she lived. When it came I got a small piece and put away to enjoy over several days. When I went to get another piece it was gone. He said he ate because didn't want it going bad. And yes stared being a bit controlling and hiding things he was doing. This is not normal behavior for anyone anywhere. I hope he runs as far away as he can and have a police report so she can't try to frame him for something here didn't do
Joan Copeland 3 years ago
If you are in a relationship with someone i dont think there is mine and yours put the things together and make it ours if ask to leave something alone then do that but being separate with things then there is no relationship
Evonne Miller 3 years ago
Hey hangry I'm sorry that happened but you did right it's NOT normal yo act like this especially if you have a guy trying to do you RIGHT! A female like this makes it hard for Good women like ME yo get a good man cause they think we are Crazy like the ex!
the_casscass 3 years ago
Dude. That is so messed up. She seems to have compulsory issues and narcissistic issues. I mean, I'm a woman and I have never done anything like this with past boyfriends, or with my husband. I can be pretty clingy with some of my food, and hate sharing it(like foods my parents rarely bought, like tatted tot's, french fries, biscuits and gravy, certain cereals, etc. Some of these I got to eat at school because I got free school lunches). I've stabbed a kid in the hand with my plastic fork, back in high school, over a freaking tatter tot. He took one. Okay, fine, haha. Took a second. No, do not do that again. Went for a third, and then went to the nurse with my plastic fork sticking out of his hand, and my friend telling him he should've listened when she told him to stop. Most if what I ate growing up was hamburger and tuna helpers, soups, tuna sandwiches, PB&JD, chili and rice. Not a lot of money, but enough to get by comfortably. So, when getting to eat foods not normally bought
the_casscass 3 years ago
Pt2: at home, I tensed to savor the food and enjoy it as much as I could. If I liked you, I MIGHT share a BITE of my food. It isn't so bad now. Now I am only like this with chinese food, sushi, and cookies. Now if I wanted to taste a bite of someone's food, I would ask. If they said no, I'd say okay. ... Probably do the puppy eyes a bit. Lol If I were to take a bite out of EVERY food or snack in the fridge, it would probably be for petty af revenge. Not bc of some control issue OPs ex gf has.
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Vivian Chapman 3 years ago
The woman sounds like a nut job! Actually, you gave her two many chances!
ruth joseph 3 years ago
I've never read something so disturbing, not to be dramatic but literally getting goosebumps ,before even reading the updates!!.
Wendy DiMassi 3 years ago
You definitely did the right thing by telling her to go, she is beyond a control freak , scary.
Larry Whalen 3 years ago
NTA; My Wife and I met in Nov. 1974 and we're married on Christmas day 1976 so understand each other's boundaries and so far have Never 'crossed the line' on the really important ones which would possibly damage our relationship so drastically it could destroy it. So with that said, whenever we go out to dinner to a restaurant or just grab a quick meal at a fast food place, after she or I have taken the first bite of our food, if it is something neither of us has either tried before or an item we've had, but not at 'that' facility, then either she or I might ask, "what's it like ?", or "would you order it again ?" Never "may I have a bite ?" since that has always been understood that I or she would like to know how it tastes and will then give a bite of it to the other so they might know if they would order it the next time we went there to eat. Never Once has either of us Ever taken a bite of the other's food or drink for that matter without it first being offered to the other.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
NTA. His girlfriend has mental problems. I don't think she really believes it's "cute" to take the first bite of another's food. I think it's wrong to take bites of anyone's food without asking first. Eating half of his pizza, then saving her leftovers for breakfast seems like a power play. The cake incident implies jealousy and hostility. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't take any without asking in case he baked it for a work event or for friends. She sounds passive-aggressive and manipulative. Additionally, her trying to get out of paying half of the utilities, groceries and household items when she's living rent-free as well as ordering food saying she'll treat then making him pay demonstrates that she is incredibly selfish and stingy. The OP would be wise to get out of the therrrerelationship completely.
Joe massie 3 years ago
Shes pushing ur buttons to see if she can. Major red flag. Some women just want to see how far they can push u
Bunny 3 years ago
She said let me eat cake. 2 things I think she purposely ate his food to p**s him off, aka she was probably a sadist. She loved making him upset but had meltdown he left because he was gonna take her s**t. 2. The most dangerous flags are the one that make no sense. "she took a bite off each slice of cake " like that ain't stealing some yr bf fries . That's bizarre. I've had crazy ex's and the weirdest flags was that showed up to my house yrs later saying he knew " his fiancee was the one because she looked exactly like me " ( she didn't look a d thing like me btw).
David Toolin 3 years ago
I remember dad describing his second wife: "She thinks what's hers is hers, and what's mine is ours." She thought 'sharing' was a dandy idea, as long as they were sharing HIS and not HERS. She was a taker, not a giver. The girlfriend in the OP is a taker, not a giver, too. Gets free rent, but complains about splitting the utilities? Orders food she says she'll pay for, then doesn't? And, of course, there's the food thing. Ultimately, she believes she's the Alpha in the relationship; he's merely a Beta. Worse, she's not just the Alpha, she's a jealous Alpha! (She's jealous because even though she's older, he's obviously the one doing better!) This relationship is nothing but Red-Flag City, and it will never get better. It'll never get better because she'll never accept the Beta role she'd have to. It's time to accept the old adage, "If a person has to change, they're the wrong person." So don't waste your time trying; it won't work! Simply put: She's the wrong person! Sorry!
Robert Hutton 3 years ago
NTA. Sounds like a dominance thing. Think animal pack. Perhaps she took a bite out of each slice of cake, pizza, etc. & took the first handful of popcorn, etc. as a sign (perhaps subconciously,, or not) of her dominance in the relationship & over you. Or to mark you as hers.Or both. Maybe I'm right, or wrong. Just a thought.
Anthony Mccoy 3 years ago
She is greedy, and trying to run the relationship. Plus that's a form of ⛽ 🚨. In my opinion. Especially if you continue to express your dislike and just want her to respect you. These things add up to negative energy. But as always no one has to be with anyone that doesn't make them happy. Red flags be flapping
Danny Newman 3 years ago
Should have take her to a restaurant then when she try to take bite of your food, you chastise her loudly like a pet, maybe stab her with a fork when she reaches into your food space. She just needs to be trained, like an animal.
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
If she'd taken one piece of cake, I maybe could believe it was an accident, she didn't know it wasn't meant for her, etc. But biting EVERY piece of cake? I refuse to believe there was no intention to ruin your work. It just screams sabotage.
Lonely Tentacle 3 years ago
I read the update on Reddit as well... WHAT THE H DID I JUST READ??? I'm legit freaked out right now.
Joseph Matthews 3 years ago
There's gotta be more to this story. People like this don't exist apropos of nothing. Nothing about this story adds up. She saw a fudge cake and just took a bite of every single piece for funsies? I just don't buy any of this and I don't think it would be responsible to speculate without the full story. This is just bizarre. "Guys like it and think it's cute." No guy she has ever dated said that and she's 25 so I imagine she's had at least a couple serious boyfriends.
Misty Souders 3 years ago
N T A. I'm left speechless. If it's NOT over. It NEEDS to be. She has SEVER issues. One of which is most definitely not respecting boundaries. Which is the LEAST your worries. WHAT she did to your application was COMPLETELY unacceptable. YOU need to change YOUR locks and set up some sort of security camera. BOUNDARIES. She's gone past boundaries. THIS is coming from a GROWN woman. THIS is NOT NORMAL. GOOD LUCK. PS IFdje should come around again. Video tape her and PLEASE call the police. GOOD LUCK to you.
Pat Turner 3 years ago
... definitely weird and nuts to take a bite out of every piece of cake. Not cute or funny...
Kathy Davis 3 years ago
She is psycho. That is not cute. You are NTA. Reach for my plate and I would probably instinctually jab you with my fork or bite you. Don't mess with my food.
Amw 3 years ago
NTA, I would only do that if my bf was ok with it, and it's only when he has me try a different type of food (I have never had Thai or Indian food, and bc it can be spicy, he wants to try to see what I would like). I would never do something like that without consent from the other person. Maybe living together after less than a year is too soon. By the end of the first year, you're still getting to know the other person. A sleepover a couple times a week is ok. Just take it slow, if she's the one, you'll know.
Tammi Palmer 3 years ago
It’s a mental health issue a compulsion, once she seeks help maybe you two can try but not before
Johann 3 years ago
NTA Women do this because they are trying to assert their dominance. If a man is willing to roll over on something as simple as sustenance, she believes that her "cuteness" and quirks are seen as delightful which allows her to have lee way and encroach on boundaries you are seen as easier to mold and shape for her comfort if you let it slide, in my experience. Now having said that, if you were eating something as a couple and offered eachother a bite..... see that's two people who are enjoying something different and seperate from one another but wanting to share the experience with them. I have found you can often judge a relationship on its longevity and even it's dynamic off of how two people eat with one another.
Alex Freetime 3 years ago
I'm sorry, I laughed at the cake, that was so weird, lol. Anyway there's probably some issue that need to be addressed by a psychiatrist. Maybe he could still save the relationship if she agrees to have a meeting with one.
YELLING!!! 3 years ago
It does seem like she's not the one for you, but it also seems like she needs help. Kicking her to the kerb seems kind of cruel.
Deidre Westover 3 years ago
Wow, that's the weirdest thing ever. If she was eating entire food items, I'd suspect an eating disorder, but this is just crazy.
Seb Benson 3 years ago
Is H a fan of older Glenn Close films alongside Michael Douglas par chance?
Fred Jacobson 3 years ago
HAVE YOU TRIED TIEING HER UP AND PUTTING HER IN A BIG BURLAP SACK WITH A BUNCH OF BRICKS AND THROWING HER IN A RIVER? BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Kyle Jorgensen 3 years ago
Honestly if OP gets that worked or pissed off over the pussy boundaries issue you are not going to last in a 20yr relationship. sorry bud I'm going on 21yrs with my wife and we argue about everything but to the core is love nothing more. This type of pussy issue's is why I see couples last no more than 1yr or 2yrs 5 at max, remember how your grandparents relationship last so long because they legitly talk s**t to each other when mad. The reality is fights are going to happen whether you like it or not
Agent Tuna Ghost 3 years ago
Yes, and your 21 years of marriage have *obviously* turned you into a happy, well-adjusted, empathetic individual 🙄 Apparently you didn't read the updates on here regarding OP's situation, and if you *did* and are *still* calling him a pussy after what he's been through with this certifiably psycho woman then there's seriously no hope for you.
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Ticci toasty 3 years ago
i feel like a lot of you had terrible takeaways from this s**t. No the issue isn’t people sharing food No the issue isn’t mental illness The issue is a violation of boundaries. i share food. i am mentally ill. i don’t randomly steal bites of ppls food and trash their house over it?? the more y’all label unrelated factors as “red flags” the more y’all end up in the same boat as this girl. some of y’all going as far to say s**t like how he should’ve hurt her or poisoned her. AND THATS FINE HOW? god i am scared to meet anyone in this comment section, y’all would probably call the cops if i didn’t look you in the eyes or say hi back. nonsensical ppl making s**t up when violation of boundaries is actually enough to dislike someone! as that is the entire problem here! god
anarkzie 3 years ago
There are a lot of different ways in which a person can be mentally ill. Your mental illness could be completely different from her mental illness, no one is accusing you of steal bites of peoples food and trashing their homes. People are not attacking you but if you feel triggered by this then it's probably an idea to take a break from reading this thread and others like it.
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Some Cool Guy 3 years ago
This has b******t written all over it. Weird how peeps make s**t up for internet points
Steven Foster 3 years ago
I think this guy who posted is just a lying abusive piece of narcistic s**t nobody takes 1 bite out of each slice of cake yet if anything if she did that on dates there wouldn't be a 2nd date at all it would just be only sex I wouldn't go out of my way to fabricate a relationship just to f**k her by saying hey lets move in only small d**k energy do that s**t so if anything clearly the guy was in the wrong if anything dude you are just a f**k.boy I hope I come across your way so I can f**k you up like the b***h boy you truly are
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
wow way to make the man the bad guy you sexsit a*****e
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Florin CM 3 years ago
All made up. I lost my time. Shame promoting culture of fake life. Get a job and a life!
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
where is the proof it is fake and he does have a life
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Lilyana 3 years ago
I don't think this is a real story. It's too far fetched. A lock box for a fridge? 😂 Srsly? It seems to me Reddit is creating tall tales for attention. (In response to the "update" someone gave in the comments) Who the hell doesn't file a restraining order on someone that has destroyed their home, and has been that physically altercative with them? It doesn't add up people 🤷♂️
Jen 3 years ago
I cant believe you have never seen a lockbox for a fridge. They are super easy to get and very common as a "lunchbox" when people have workplace food thiefs to deal with. We also had them at every resident camp I ever worked at (going back to the late 90s) that the nurse would have the keys to for any camper - or staff - meds that needed to be refrigerated.
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Joshua Shamblin 3 years ago
This chick is nuts. And from all the extra eating she'll end up a fat a*s in a couple years. Run.....
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
becuse taking bites out of his food was the most she ever did he did not think she would do this
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NsG 3 years ago
There's an update post and... It's not great. Some "highlights": I arrived home to no key in the postbox and an open door. That was a huge alarm bell ringing in my head. Who knows when she left and how long it had been open. The place was trashed but it could have been worse...she had thrown everything out of the cupboards, fridge freezer and the small spare freezer... H had literally yanked the door of the little freezer... my clothes were both ripped some were stuffed in the toilet and some were missing...[he arranged to meet her at her parents house and there's some stuff about her entire family not keeping their story straight]...She had my shirt on, and started talking to me as if nothing had happened. H asked me about what weekend plans we had as if nothing was wrong. It was a weird feeling because I was actually scared of her...I quickly made my excuses and left. I texted her that we were over and not to come back to my place....
NsG 3 years ago
...I said I would pay her 600 pounds toward some rent for her new place as I was the one that made her break her lease but she was not to contact me again. *On Tuesday she was outside my flat. When I wouldn't come down to open the door downstairs for her she started yelling and throwing things at my window (I am on the second floor). Some of my neighbours complained so I went out to calm her down. It did not go well. I can't write what she did but lets say the cake had it easier.
Load More Replies... Will Cable 3 years ago
Think I'd have baked something with the hottest, spiciest ingredients as well as the strongest laxative possible and then wait.
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
Some definite power issues there. Taking a bite out of every cake instead of eating just one slice. Taking the first bite out of everything he's trying to eat including the ice lolly she had one of too. Breaking into a locked fridge just to bite bits of forbidden food. It's not cute it's bunny boiler creepy. Some say eating off a partner's plate is a sign.of affection, but she's seems to have gone over the top a tad too much.
Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago
Ho-ly sheep dip! This chick has issues. Very serious issues that OP cannot help with and he should run like sugar free gummy bears through a sensitive colon. Do not interact with her or her family without witnesses and/or recording it. Set up security cameras in his place, change the locks and install deadbolts if possible. I know this sounds extreme, but its better to be prepared for the worst possible outcome. I haven't read all the updates, but she, and her family sounds like the type that would make attempts to get OP in trouble up to and including false police reports. Dude should be vigilant and watch his back because this chick has issues.....
Vanja Vidovic 3 years ago
"sugar free gummy bears through a sensitive colon" :D :D :D :D
Load More Replies... Rens 3 years ago
Just because she's never been violent, does not mean it's not abusive behaviour. This is absolutely unacceptable behaviour on her part and I would definitely kick that person out of my life.
María Hermida 3 years ago
I absolutely agree. Just because she is a woman does not mean she can't be abusive. I know this is not politically correct, but women can be as abusive and possessive as men, even if sometimes it's not so obvious. This kind of mind games can be as harming as physical violence. I'd definitely get witnesses, change the keys, and report the incident.
Load More Replies... peruchipac 3 years ago
Hmmm... TAKES food from you... from EACH piece of food, but won't let you take from her. Selfish, manipulative, and controlling. Stop being so generous and possibly too naïve... Run!!!!!
Nightshade1972 3 years ago
I'm reminded of a couple I knew when I lived in the US. Both very religious--they met in church. Her father introduced her to him. From then on, if the two of them had a date, her father almost always insisted on going along. He put up with it because he figured it would stop once they got married. Well, once they got married, she showed her true colors. Turned out she was a completely emotionally/physically abusive psycho. When he tried to talk to his inlaws about her, they very casually said something to the effect of, "Oh, yeah, she's always been like that, but we were hoping you'd be a good influence on her." He put up with it for two years before he divorced her, and he's now happily married to someone else.
Deborah B 3 years ago
I had Australian cousins who used to do this - it was a sibling-fight thing where they would steal the first bite of someone's food. It was a way of taunting and showing disrespect and dominance. It's a form of bullying that gets dismissed as a joke - "I didn't steal his food, I had one bite!" What it is, is a deliberate violation of boundries, intended to humiliate a rival. It's saying "I can take your food, and you can't stop me, and then I'll claim it was playful." It also expresses entitlement "I'm entitled to mine, and to some of yours as well." The same kids would lick food to 'claim' it, or take a bite out of each donut in a box, rather than sharing. Most people stop doing it by their early teens. Keeping on doing it as an adult after being repeatedly asked to stop suggests a personality disorder. This girl does not like or respect her boyfriend, she feels entitled to everything she can get from him, and it is entirely on-brand that she would destroy stuff when asked to leave.
RMA 3 years ago
Btw this is not normal Australian behaviour! I’m an Aussie and have never met or even had a friend of a friend of a friend etc do this revolting power trip.
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago (edited)
This is just bizarre behavior. Definitely not normal in any stretch of the imagination. She needs to go see a therapist and figure this s**t out cause its weird. The fact her HS bf dumped her because of it and shes still doing it tells you it’s a big problem.
deanna woods 3 years ago
I am already someone that doesn't like to share my food, but this made me even angrier and it didn't happen to me. Unless someone offers you a bite of their food, you leave it alone. The breaking the lock just makes her seem like a complete psycho. What really got me though was the taking bites out of each piece of cake.
Mahogany Eclipse 3 years ago
When I read about her stealing the first bites of his steak, I was so mad on his behalf like b*tch dont effing touch his food without permission!
Load More Replies... Jos Tiguidou 3 years ago (edited)
This is why you should ALWAYS live with your significant other BEFORE you get married. Saves a lot of trouble. Funny thing is, older folks would not have put up with this bs for as along as you have. He's def NTA and good riddance! Edit. Read the rest of the comments and holy s**t. Girl was obviously a total psycho. All of her friends are either liars or they aren't her friends at all if they never saw this behavior or thought it was problematic. Wow. I've had some crazy stories, but nothing on the side of "pretty good chance of getting murdered if I stayed" kind.
Bored Turtle Princess 3 years ago
My guess is she might show this side of hers to only her family and whoever she's dating.
Load More Replies... R Dennis 3 years ago
It's an assertion of dominance thing. My wife does it sometimes and sees nothing wrong with it - but I call her out for it every time. "Why do you feel the need to assert your dominance over me?" "Is there a reason you feel I can't have the first bite of my food/drink of my beverage?" "Why do you need to make sure what I have is your leftovers?" This really makes her mad, but it has gone a long way in correcting this behavior because she sees it is irrational. Now, she would never go so far as to take a bite out of each item in the fridge - that one is a complete nutter.
R Dennis 3 years ago
Back in the day I used to eat the best part of my food last (corner of steak, middle of cinnamon roll, etc.) My wife/gf in the beginning would eat her best part first, then ask me for the last bite of mine when she had finished her food. I would always give it to her until, after YEARS of this, I said "No!" That she always took the best part of my food and never let me get to enjoy it. Her response was that since she ate the part she liked best first, she thought everyone did and that I didn't know how good it was. It turned into a bit of an argument, but then she realized that I was giving her the best part of my food all the time knowing it was the best part. She apologized and never asked for the last nugget again.
Load More Replies... Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
First off nta. This is weird. What it kind of reminds me of, though, is how when you go to a restaurant, you all trade a bite if you got something different. My family has always done this, and now my husband and I do it, too. Sometimes we cut off a piece right at the beginning before the cuttlery is dirty, and pass it to people's plates. Unless we don't care. Like, my husband and I don't care as much about passing germs between ourselves, so we usually let the other try their own dish first. Oh, and you never just take it. You either ask, or they offer. You're allowed to tease like you're going to take some, but you never actually do until they laugh and wave their fork at you. I'm wondering if this is sort of what H is thinking of when she says this behavior is normal. Sure, families share food, especially at a new restaurant. It's definitely not the same thing, though.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Dude is making mistakes left and right. Someone should have been there while she packed up and left and he should have reported what she did ASAP. Start a record. This type of crazy doesn't stop because you are done. It will stop when she finds something, more like someone, else to focus her attention on
Megzymonsta 3 years ago
NTA I have weird phobias about germs so would consider any food someone else has bitten inedible. If someone wants to try my food I'm happy to cut a bit off but can't eat any part of it if someone so much as nibbles the corner. I know some people have weird expectations about food sharing but taking bites out of every piece of food someone has is a very disturbing behaviour - especially if they've been specifically asked not to do it.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Only a psycho takes one bite of eight separate pieces of cake instead of just eating one slice in its entirety.
T M 3 years ago
Even in the animal kingdom others know to leave the male lions share alone. If you try to take from a dog they will growl as a warning and bite as a last resort. Her behavior is not normal and not respectful. She is obviously a narcissist and things will only get worse as they've already escalated. Her family (aunt) is also weird and disturbed to do something like that. You will be next don't think you won't. Read up on narcissistic behaviors and how to end it. You may have to move, close social media connections, change phone number, go NO CONTACT whatsoever. Do not help her in anyway because that will just keep the door open to be her meal ticket. Take care of yourself, pray, find a woman with a good heart and values.
Rebecca Burrer 3 years ago
NTA, your gf has no boundaries obviously. You have to make a choice whether to continue this relationship knowing that she will continue to do this or move on from this relationship.
Inclusion2020 3 years ago
This girl definitely needs to see a therapist and get down to why she needs to do this. Behavior like this occurs for a reason, usually a deep seeded one. But clearly she’s not ready to address this behavior. OP should def get out of the relationship. You can’t help someone who is not at a point to help themselves. What an odd pattern of behavior though. I’d be interested to know the root cause for it.
Rosie Cat 3 years ago (edited)
I'm not surprised at all that this woman damaged property and such. She has the mindset of, if I can't have ALL of you even the food you consume then NOBODY will. He should tell his family and friends what happened, tell the police. If he doesn't want to get the law involved change his number, and move to another place. Oh and I wouldn't pay a single penny for that chick to live anywhere. Let her family who lied about how she really is deal with her. NTA.
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
Former nurse who did psych for a couple of years. This isn't normal behavior. I am pretty sure she has a psychological or psychiatric condition. If she only does it with boy friends, then it has a co trolling aspect. She not have grown up with food issues but... the overwhelming need to take a bite, the first bite of her mans' food is strange. It is entirely possible that she has a compulsive disorder, and sees you as the one she needs to show dominance over and for her to jump right in and take the first bite of everything, is bizarre. If you stay with her, insist she go see a psychologist and be evaluated for her behavior. Something is not right. She feels an overwhelming need to ignore your boundaries and your request to leave your food alone. She seems unable to do this and it needs to be evaluated.
Grace Allingham 3 years ago
I really wish people would stop giving awful people the benefit of the doubt and just cut them off when they start doing some weird s**t. No second chances no NOTHING. like I shouldnt have to beg or bargain for someone to show me basic human kindness and no one else should either. I hope he learned from this and realized he needs to take a red flag as a red flag and to not ignore it. Sheesh
anarkzie 3 years ago
It's not always clear from the outset that an awful person is awful, they kind of sneak up on you and suddenly you're living with a crazy person.
Load More Replies... Pg130 3 years ago
It is one thing to playfully take a bite of one's food here and there. But to continue to do it after being asked not to many times is not a good sign. I believe she thinks she had you wrapped around her finger until she pushed it too far. She seems incredibly rude and immature. I also think she should have paid half the utility and food bills. And although you offered her a rent free status, she should have at least offered to contribute something if not half towards that as well. Given what she did to your place upon leaving, I think you may have narrowly escaped a much worse outcome had you let her stick around. That said, I would have likely given her 1-2 months to find a place rather than make the banishment immediate.
Brittany Coffey 3 years ago
NTA. I'm requesting follow-up though: did she move out? What was the final (the final so far, anyway) result? I'm wondering also - you said she did this with past boyfriends: could it be a cultural behavior between a man and wife in her culture? I'm dying to know her response to the big "why" question as well. Although she'd probably use the same excuse that she did originally, that "all girls do it. It's cute and the guys love it." It's definitely not typical "Developed Country" culture - don't let her fool you with that one (or that "all guys love it" c**p).
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
There is a follow up be basically, she ate bites after she knew it upset him because it felt like he was trying to control her. And her dad always shares his food with her mom so she expected that treatment. Since she doesn't do it with family or friends and just boyfriends, it isn't a good security issue. She even made him wait over 4 hours before she showed up at her parents house after requesting he not leave before talking to her so it really seems like she is trying to control him or assert her dominance. Also so narcissistic or personality disorder behavior pretending like everything was fine after she went psycho on his apartment
Load More Replies... Seth NoWai 3 years ago
She clearly has some sort of mental health issue that needs to be addressed. And not by just making a deal, bit proper professional help. The kind of help that will dig in and find the cause and fix it on that level. Also yeah, change locks and stuff, even if they aren't seemingly violent, things can turn south after escalation like this. Because you really don't know what kind of issue you are dealing with and how it will manifest in reaction to escalation. And it is for both protecting you and your property.
Panda-riffic 3 years ago
This post is VERY similar to the recent one about the girl who invited all of her friends over and ate his food.
Klara Lorinczi 3 years ago
There’s definitely something wrong with her. Her behavior is NOT normal and is very inconsiderate of your needs and wants. She’s not a good potential partner. Get out while you can.
JayWantsACat 3 years ago (edited)
It's not cute, it's not a thing people do, and it's a major red flag that she constantly blows off his issue with it. Major red flag. EDIT: and now with the update, there goes the "she was never violent." And JFC that lady needs massive help. I bet she excuses it as being "passionately in love" or something. I hope things eventually work out for OP.
The Starsong Princess 3 years ago
When I read that he left her alone at the apartment, I knew it would not end well. When a relationship is new, you don’t see the crazy as much but as they approached a year, she was unable to hide it and started escalating. Breaking up was the best thing to do and now he needs a restraining order.
blatherskitenoir 3 years ago
This feels like a power/ dominance display to me? Especially since she only does it with romantic partners, not friends, family, or coworkers.
SoñaSatiVa 3 years ago
I read your first post about this before the cake and lockbox incident. I felt really bad because it's obvious that your a really nice guy. Also, I don't think you did anything wrong, it seems like you set pretty definite boundaries and it seems like if she would've complied considering that fact you're paying for everything. Regardless you are now dealing with a mentally unstable female and you should document everything., pics witnesses etc because something tells me🤔 lol that she isn't done with you yet.
Priscilla Wilson 3 years ago
My 2cents: Her father paid no attention to her or she never knew him.
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
She got livid when a lock was put on the fridge? OP, get her out of your life and out of your apartment. I can't believe you left her alone in there. She could steal things, trash the place or worse! NTA.
Darth Verminates 3 years ago
I was in a relationship with someone that did things like this even when I asked them not to. Passed off as cute but probably actually a means to avoid intimacy via sabotage... And a sign of a self image problem.
S Putnam 3 years ago
As a former Civil Process Director, I warn everyone to be VERY careful about who you invite to live in your home. Once someone lives at an address - getting mail, etc- they can only be removed by the eviction process! You can "ask" them to leave, but you cannot enforce it. Be forewarned.
RoanTheMad 3 years ago
I am afab (aka, a woman, genetically) though identify as nb now. However, I've dated women all my lie, I'm married to a woman. Neither I, nor anyone I have dated, nor my wife, have engaged in this kind of behaviour. So no, not "all women do it" "out of love" "because it's cute".. no. F**k off.
serenyaa 3 years ago
At the beginning of the story I was thinking he was being very over dramatic, I always ask for a small bite of my bf's meal and so does he, and it's never been a problem. But the moment he said she took a bite of every slice of cake, and every snack he owned, well that changed everything. I wonder why she does this, is it some sort of mental issue? Also the update post literally gave me chills, I'd definitely report her to the police
SheamusFanFrom1987 3 years ago
Sounds like the "Not Violent" part of her made a 180 turn real quick after reality set in. I hope the fella is safe and far, far, far away from his danger zone-level ex.
Sherrie Dawn 3 years ago
Bored panda is basically turning into TikTok with the AITA posts. They are EVERYWHERE on that site. Block one channel doing it and 3 more show up in its place. Inability to block hashtags is what actually led me to recently re-deleting the app.
Load More Replies... Salty Wild Hair 3 years ago
That is some kind of weird power move. Some people offer their first bite after they make their best dishes as an honor. She just takes it.
Stéphane Lussier Johnson 3 years ago
This sounds like some kind of "marking her territory" issue. Or having an Alpha Female complex. At least, she's not pi**ing on your clothes.
Paloma Trejo 3 years ago
Do a police report if you have not already done so, and tell them you want to do a protective order (not a restraining order, those are useless). Change all the locks on the doors and windows.
Stargazer66 2 years ago
I'm finding it really hard to believe any of this at all. I think OP is yanking our chain.
Karin Morris 3 years ago
This is bizarre, there's something mentally wrong with your GF, no other women do this and no we don't think it's cute.
Angie Ruloph 3 years ago
Is this woman a rodent? Who the hell takes bites out of everything and leaves the rest of the pieces? That is so damn weird.
Daniel Hansen 3 years ago
I think she probably had bipolar disorder and also possibly bdsm dynamic she was trying to establish. Maybe she was hoping for a spanking or something. She clearly has issues to work through but it sounded in the beginning like she was just trying to irk him in order to get him to take dominance. Just my thoughts. But yeah, trashing your place and yelling outside your place sounds like a bipolar type one psychotic episode to me.
Arenite 3 years ago
Document the damage she did. Inform the police and the landlord. You must change the locks, and probably should get an order of protection. And therapy. The fact that you excuse her and allow her to get away with this behavior is concerning. Now you are offering her money?!!? You need to protect yourself.
Jaekry 3 years ago
It started with: "She has to stop this behaviour, then she can live with me".... Ppl do NOT change overnight, ppl can grow, develop over time. Having to set a boundary like this in a few months... Red flag. The bite out of every slice is a "don't tell me what to do" reaction. This 'relationship' was doomed before it even started.
A falz 3 years ago
My ex claimed he hated sweets. At Christmas one year my aunt sent me a candy you could only get where she lived. When it came I got a small piece and put away to enjoy over several days. When I went to get another piece it was gone. He said he ate because didn't want it going bad. And yes stared being a bit controlling and hiding things he was doing. This is not normal behavior for anyone anywhere. I hope he runs as far away as he can and have a police report so she can't try to frame him for something here didn't do
Joan Copeland 3 years ago
If you are in a relationship with someone i dont think there is mine and yours put the things together and make it ours if ask to leave something alone then do that but being separate with things then there is no relationship
Evonne Miller 3 years ago
Hey hangry I'm sorry that happened but you did right it's NOT normal yo act like this especially if you have a guy trying to do you RIGHT! A female like this makes it hard for Good women like ME yo get a good man cause they think we are Crazy like the ex!
the_casscass 3 years ago
Dude. That is so messed up. She seems to have compulsory issues and narcissistic issues. I mean, I'm a woman and I have never done anything like this with past boyfriends, or with my husband. I can be pretty clingy with some of my food, and hate sharing it(like foods my parents rarely bought, like tatted tot's, french fries, biscuits and gravy, certain cereals, etc. Some of these I got to eat at school because I got free school lunches). I've stabbed a kid in the hand with my plastic fork, back in high school, over a freaking tatter tot. He took one. Okay, fine, haha. Took a second. No, do not do that again. Went for a third, and then went to the nurse with my plastic fork sticking out of his hand, and my friend telling him he should've listened when she told him to stop. Most if what I ate growing up was hamburger and tuna helpers, soups, tuna sandwiches, PB&JD, chili and rice. Not a lot of money, but enough to get by comfortably. So, when getting to eat foods not normally bought
the_casscass 3 years ago
Pt2: at home, I tensed to savor the food and enjoy it as much as I could. If I liked you, I MIGHT share a BITE of my food. It isn't so bad now. Now I am only like this with chinese food, sushi, and cookies. Now if I wanted to taste a bite of someone's food, I would ask. If they said no, I'd say okay. ... Probably do the puppy eyes a bit. Lol If I were to take a bite out of EVERY food or snack in the fridge, it would probably be for petty af revenge. Not bc of some control issue OPs ex gf has.
Load More Replies... Vivian Chapman 3 years ago
The woman sounds like a nut job! Actually, you gave her two many chances!
ruth joseph 3 years ago
I've never read something so disturbing, not to be dramatic but literally getting goosebumps ,before even reading the updates!!.
Wendy DiMassi 3 years ago
You definitely did the right thing by telling her to go, she is beyond a control freak , scary.
Larry Whalen 3 years ago
NTA; My Wife and I met in Nov. 1974 and we're married on Christmas day 1976 so understand each other's boundaries and so far have Never 'crossed the line' on the really important ones which would possibly damage our relationship so drastically it could destroy it. So with that said, whenever we go out to dinner to a restaurant or just grab a quick meal at a fast food place, after she or I have taken the first bite of our food, if it is something neither of us has either tried before or an item we've had, but not at 'that' facility, then either she or I might ask, "what's it like ?", or "would you order it again ?" Never "may I have a bite ?" since that has always been understood that I or she would like to know how it tastes and will then give a bite of it to the other so they might know if they would order it the next time we went there to eat. Never Once has either of us Ever taken a bite of the other's food or drink for that matter without it first being offered to the other.
Shadowcat 3 years ago
NTA. His girlfriend has mental problems. I don't think she really believes it's "cute" to take the first bite of another's food. I think it's wrong to take bites of anyone's food without asking first. Eating half of his pizza, then saving her leftovers for breakfast seems like a power play. The cake incident implies jealousy and hostility. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't take any without asking in case he baked it for a work event or for friends. She sounds passive-aggressive and manipulative. Additionally, her trying to get out of paying half of the utilities, groceries and household items when she's living rent-free as well as ordering food saying she'll treat then making him pay demonstrates that she is incredibly selfish and stingy. The OP would be wise to get out of the therrrerelationship completely.
Joe massie 3 years ago
Shes pushing ur buttons to see if she can. Major red flag. Some women just want to see how far they can push u
Bunny 3 years ago
She said let me eat cake. 2 things I think she purposely ate his food to p**s him off, aka she was probably a sadist. She loved making him upset but had meltdown he left because he was gonna take her s**t. 2. The most dangerous flags are the one that make no sense. "she took a bite off each slice of cake " like that ain't stealing some yr bf fries . That's bizarre. I've had crazy ex's and the weirdest flags was that showed up to my house yrs later saying he knew " his fiancee was the one because she looked exactly like me " ( she didn't look a d thing like me btw).
David Toolin 3 years ago
I remember dad describing his second wife: "She thinks what's hers is hers, and what's mine is ours." She thought 'sharing' was a dandy idea, as long as they were sharing HIS and not HERS. She was a taker, not a giver. The girlfriend in the OP is a taker, not a giver, too. Gets free rent, but complains about splitting the utilities? Orders food she says she'll pay for, then doesn't? And, of course, there's the food thing. Ultimately, she believes she's the Alpha in the relationship; he's merely a Beta. Worse, she's not just the Alpha, she's a jealous Alpha! (She's jealous because even though she's older, he's obviously the one doing better!) This relationship is nothing but Red-Flag City, and it will never get better. It'll never get better because she'll never accept the Beta role she'd have to. It's time to accept the old adage, "If a person has to change, they're the wrong person." So don't waste your time trying; it won't work! Simply put: She's the wrong person! Sorry!
Robert Hutton 3 years ago
NTA. Sounds like a dominance thing. Think animal pack. Perhaps she took a bite out of each slice of cake, pizza, etc. & took the first handful of popcorn, etc. as a sign (perhaps subconciously,, or not) of her dominance in the relationship & over you. Or to mark you as hers.Or both. Maybe I'm right, or wrong. Just a thought.
Anthony Mccoy 3 years ago
She is greedy, and trying to run the relationship. Plus that's a form of ⛽ 🚨. In my opinion. Especially if you continue to express your dislike and just want her to respect you. These things add up to negative energy. But as always no one has to be with anyone that doesn't make them happy. Red flags be flapping
Danny Newman 3 years ago
Should have take her to a restaurant then when she try to take bite of your food, you chastise her loudly like a pet, maybe stab her with a fork when she reaches into your food space. She just needs to be trained, like an animal.
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
If she'd taken one piece of cake, I maybe could believe it was an accident, she didn't know it wasn't meant for her, etc. But biting EVERY piece of cake? I refuse to believe there was no intention to ruin your work. It just screams sabotage.
Lonely Tentacle 3 years ago
I read the update on Reddit as well... WHAT THE H DID I JUST READ??? I'm legit freaked out right now.
Joseph Matthews 3 years ago
There's gotta be more to this story. People like this don't exist apropos of nothing. Nothing about this story adds up. She saw a fudge cake and just took a bite of every single piece for funsies? I just don't buy any of this and I don't think it would be responsible to speculate without the full story. This is just bizarre. "Guys like it and think it's cute." No guy she has ever dated said that and she's 25 so I imagine she's had at least a couple serious boyfriends.
Misty Souders 3 years ago
N T A. I'm left speechless. If it's NOT over. It NEEDS to be. She has SEVER issues. One of which is most definitely not respecting boundaries. Which is the LEAST your worries. WHAT she did to your application was COMPLETELY unacceptable. YOU need to change YOUR locks and set up some sort of security camera. BOUNDARIES. She's gone past boundaries. THIS is coming from a GROWN woman. THIS is NOT NORMAL. GOOD LUCK. PS IFdje should come around again. Video tape her and PLEASE call the police. GOOD LUCK to you.
Pat Turner 3 years ago
... definitely weird and nuts to take a bite out of every piece of cake. Not cute or funny...
Kathy Davis 3 years ago
She is psycho. That is not cute. You are NTA. Reach for my plate and I would probably instinctually jab you with my fork or bite you. Don't mess with my food.
Amw 3 years ago
NTA, I would only do that if my bf was ok with it, and it's only when he has me try a different type of food (I have never had Thai or Indian food, and bc it can be spicy, he wants to try to see what I would like). I would never do something like that without consent from the other person. Maybe living together after less than a year is too soon. By the end of the first year, you're still getting to know the other person. A sleepover a couple times a week is ok. Just take it slow, if she's the one, you'll know.
Tammi Palmer 3 years ago
It’s a mental health issue a compulsion, once she seeks help maybe you two can try but not before
Johann 3 years ago
NTA Women do this because they are trying to assert their dominance. If a man is willing to roll over on something as simple as sustenance, she believes that her "cuteness" and quirks are seen as delightful which allows her to have lee way and encroach on boundaries you are seen as easier to mold and shape for her comfort if you let it slide, in my experience. Now having said that, if you were eating something as a couple and offered eachother a bite..... see that's two people who are enjoying something different and seperate from one another but wanting to share the experience with them. I have found you can often judge a relationship on its longevity and even it's dynamic off of how two people eat with one another.
Alex Freetime 3 years ago
I'm sorry, I laughed at the cake, that was so weird, lol. Anyway there's probably some issue that need to be addressed by a psychiatrist. Maybe he could still save the relationship if she agrees to have a meeting with one.
YELLING!!! 3 years ago
It does seem like she's not the one for you, but it also seems like she needs help. Kicking her to the kerb seems kind of cruel.
Deidre Westover 3 years ago
Wow, that's the weirdest thing ever. If she was eating entire food items, I'd suspect an eating disorder, but this is just crazy.
Seb Benson 3 years ago
Is H a fan of older Glenn Close films alongside Michael Douglas par chance?
Fred Jacobson 3 years ago
HAVE YOU TRIED TIEING HER UP AND PUTTING HER IN A BIG BURLAP SACK WITH A BUNCH OF BRICKS AND THROWING HER IN A RIVER? BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Kyle Jorgensen 3 years ago
Honestly if OP gets that worked or pissed off over the pussy boundaries issue you are not going to last in a 20yr relationship. sorry bud I'm going on 21yrs with my wife and we argue about everything but to the core is love nothing more. This type of pussy issue's is why I see couples last no more than 1yr or 2yrs 5 at max, remember how your grandparents relationship last so long because they legitly talk s**t to each other when mad. The reality is fights are going to happen whether you like it or not
Agent Tuna Ghost 3 years ago
Yes, and your 21 years of marriage have *obviously* turned you into a happy, well-adjusted, empathetic individual 🙄 Apparently you didn't read the updates on here regarding OP's situation, and if you *did* and are *still* calling him a pussy after what he's been through with this certifiably psycho woman then there's seriously no hope for you.
Load More Replies... Ticci toasty 3 years ago
i feel like a lot of you had terrible takeaways from this s**t. No the issue isn’t people sharing food No the issue isn’t mental illness The issue is a violation of boundaries. i share food. i am mentally ill. i don’t randomly steal bites of ppls food and trash their house over it?? the more y’all label unrelated factors as “red flags” the more y’all end up in the same boat as this girl. some of y’all going as far to say s**t like how he should’ve hurt her or poisoned her. AND THATS FINE HOW? god i am scared to meet anyone in this comment section, y’all would probably call the cops if i didn’t look you in the eyes or say hi back. nonsensical ppl making s**t up when violation of boundaries is actually enough to dislike someone! as that is the entire problem here! god
anarkzie 3 years ago
There are a lot of different ways in which a person can be mentally ill. Your mental illness could be completely different from her mental illness, no one is accusing you of steal bites of peoples food and trashing their homes. People are not attacking you but if you feel triggered by this then it's probably an idea to take a break from reading this thread and others like it.
Load More Replies... Some Cool Guy 3 years ago
This has b******t written all over it. Weird how peeps make s**t up for internet points
Steven Foster 3 years ago
I think this guy who posted is just a lying abusive piece of narcistic s**t nobody takes 1 bite out of each slice of cake yet if anything if she did that on dates there wouldn't be a 2nd date at all it would just be only sex I wouldn't go out of my way to fabricate a relationship just to f**k her by saying hey lets move in only small d**k energy do that s**t so if anything clearly the guy was in the wrong if anything dude you are just a f**k.boy I hope I come across your way so I can f**k you up like the b***h boy you truly are
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
wow way to make the man the bad guy you sexsit a*****e
Load More Replies... Florin CM 3 years ago
All made up. I lost my time. Shame promoting culture of fake life. Get a job and a life!
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
where is the proof it is fake and he does have a life
Load More Replies... Lilyana 3 years ago
I don't think this is a real story. It's too far fetched. A lock box for a fridge? 😂 Srsly? It seems to me Reddit is creating tall tales for attention. (In response to the "update" someone gave in the comments) Who the hell doesn't file a restraining order on someone that has destroyed their home, and has been that physically altercative with them? It doesn't add up people 🤷♂️
Jen 3 years ago
I cant believe you have never seen a lockbox for a fridge. They are super easy to get and very common as a "lunchbox" when people have workplace food thiefs to deal with. We also had them at every resident camp I ever worked at (going back to the late 90s) that the nurse would have the keys to for any camper - or staff - meds that needed to be refrigerated.
Load More Replies... Joshua Shamblin 3 years ago
This chick is nuts. And from all the extra eating she'll end up a fat a*s in a couple years. Run.....
Dmitri Johnson 2 years ago
becuse taking bites out of his food was the most she ever did he did not think she would do this
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