Writer Asks Whether She’s Being “Unreasonable” For Refusing To Find A Different Job To Fit Her Boyfriend’s Expectations

I find the delusion that growth cannot occur without being a wage slave to be nonsensical. Career does not become defined by being a wage slave, you are effectively self employed. He appears jealous of the appearance that you have more free time.

Sooooo... If she is willing to change her whole life style and get a "real job", will he also change his life style and start doing all the house work himself? You know, since OP now works full time and it's his apartment anyway?

She should move out and dump him immediately. First, if they're splitting costs evenly, there's no way she should do more house work. Just because she wished from home dust mean she sits around doing nothing. She WORKS from home. And writing it a real him. She's keeping up her 50% of expenses, doing more than her share of the work. He's just jealous that she had a more enjoyable job and that she had an income from inheriting property. He sounds petty, jealous, immature, and a narcissist who clearly doesn't love or respect her. He's nothing but red flags. She needs out of that relationship. He sounds like a selfish, controlling, abusive jęrk

Sounds like my ex. No job I did was ever good enough for him. Why should you even do more chores if you're both working, whether it's from home or not. Sounds like he wants you to carry it. don't fall for this

So she pays half of everything and still does more chores around the house? How is that a fair deal to start with?

That screams insecurity. I'm guessing the OP earns more than her BF with "less" effort, and that makes him jealous

I'd make him write an essay about why writing isn't real work. 50 pages minimum length, and then rework it until a professional editor says it's ready for print. Let's see after, if that was "work".

It’s a pretty common response. I’ve been working from home for nearly 10 years for the same company. I also make a fair bit in passive income. It’s so annoying telling people that and having their brains translate it into ‘unemployed’ or ‘doing illegal things for money’ or whatever. I met a new neighbor, and during the chit chat he tells me how he makes $25 an hour busting their butt doing landscaping. When it was my turn, I explained I work from home, and a brief breakdown of my job. His IMMEDIATE response was ‘My job is hiring, I can get you in if you need work’. I make nearly double what he does from my main job, with another ~$2-3k a month in passive income.

Your boyfriend sounds envious and manipulative. I would start looking around.

In a good relationship you lift each other up and happy for your partner’s success. Telling each other what to do is not a definition of healthy relationship. Reconsider all thing

A couple of the comments above (the two last ones, specifically), were really dumb. It's not his business how you make your money, as long as it isn't illegal and doesn't put either of you in danger. And of course a 50/50 split is equitable. The only time a proportional percentage split (each pays X percent of their income) is a good idea is when the two incomes are wildly different (ex: 50k and 250k) and both like their jobs.

Her boyfriend is red flag personified. This lady has income, and she pay her half of expenses. He seems to be jealous that she can work from home a her job is more comfortable than his.

NTA. Aspiring writer here, writing is very hard work, simply a different kind of work. The boyfriend doesn't understand this, and that's not OP's fault. There are many different kinds of career, and creative careers are usually a very different kind of work.

I have no idea why she needs to do more housework just because she works from home.

No one has mentioned that being a writer is real work. And if an idea for carrying the story along happens when you are washing dishes, you turn off the tap and go write.

If she gets a 9-to-5 job, she will not become the writer she wants to be on the timeline she is currently working towards. Why does he want her to do this? 1) he doesn't think writing is "work" (he doesn't respect her desires or her abilities) 2) He feels he works more and wants her to suffer as much as he does? (self-evident) 3) He is ashamed that she is a writer (self-evident). It is better to be alone than with someone who wants to fundamentally change who you are or does not respect you.

NTA. The bf seems to be jealous and OP should leave him.

Im more worried about the bf telling her. It didn't sound like he asked her. If she says no whats he going to do? Thats worrisome to me.

I hope she leaves this guy. Thats a big red flag he's waving and it's only likely to get worse. He will belittle her work because "it's not a real job" which will sap her artistic energies and then she'll find it harder to wright and he'll end up saying I told you so. Then she'll end up doing a job she probably doesn't like because it pays well and she'll be unhappy. It's happened to many many woman through history. Some men are scared of successful artistic woman

Sounds like you were doing just fine before you met him. Just saying.

Big ugly red flag that he waits until she moves in to harass her about this. Classic controlling behavior, they wait until you have no way out, or so they think, then they show their true colors. The moment "real job", and "you don't do anything" came out of his mouth I would have been gone.

NTA. And as for the boyfriend, he's an engineer. Their thinking is way different than that of a creative. So it's not surprising he's acting that way. Here's my take: Move out and regain your peace, OP. As a professional writer myself, I can attest that most people don't take our craft seriously, yet these are the SAME PEOPLE who buy our books, watch our plays and movies, sigh over our published poems, root for our protagonists in our novels, etc. The best writers make the work APPEAR easy to do. The joke is on those who attempt it and fail. The last thing you need, OP, is someone ragging on you while you're doing your job. So either set him straight or live on your own terms without interference.

NTA. Warning he sounds controlling and not respectful of your job or properties. Don't move in with him

I have to wonder what the bf considers a "real job"

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Phcoach is a delight. Not.

Um, that whole entire post was fake. For all we know, it could indeed have been one of you two. The OP's name was deleted, but most of the judgments were written by the OP as well. Seems she forgot to switch to her alternate accounts before posting them. And there are MANY of posts she forgot to change. So she's making comments like she's someone else and replying to herself as OP. Smh. These usually get weeded out long before hitting Bored Panda. There's very good reason the post is locked. Half the comments that you included from the post are hers (see: anonymous).

Weeeeeirrrd. I feel like there just has to be more to this story than the version we're getting. Is bf making tons more than OP? Is she barely making enough to pay 50% of rent/utilities, while he pays everything else (food, clothes, doctor's bills, day-to-day expenses, entertainment, holidays)? Is he starting to worry about whether he can save and build the kind of future he's dreaming of with a writer who hasn't written a book but says she has a series? Maybe he's more realistic about her 'career' and prospects as a writer. How long has she been working at this novel? How much progress has she actually made? Is she really actively "working" on it? Maybe she isn't really doing anything & her staying cooped up all day being aimless is starting to take an emotional & mental toll on both of them, and he's trying to break the cycle without calling out the way she's been acting. Whatever the story is, these two need to have a greater discussion about life & their future together for sure.

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Well technically until your paid your not a writer. Writing does not entail sitting 8 hours a day except in minor situations and is quite flexible. He does not have a place with the job expectation however as it may not be an issue now, it really could be in the future and he is being a realist. He doesn't just want back up he wants back up FOR you since your obviously not concerned with your future. Two apartments don't guarantee a future and can not be counted on for such. Maybe it's not about your dire need to be lazy now but having no real source in the future that is 100 percent.