Boss Asks Employee To Rethink Their Time Off Even Though They’re Going To A Funeral

Working in the corporate world can sometimes feel like you’re haggling at a fish market, especially when it comes to bargaining for your own leave days. But while vacation time is one thing, bereavement leave should not be up for negotiation.

Sadly, the internet is packed with horror stories about toxic bosses denying these requests.

In one such instance shared recently, a man asked for two weeks off to handle his dad’s funeral and the other formalities that come with it. But his boss told him to cut it short as two other coworkers were already on leave.

The man admitted it took every ounce of his strength not to “rage quit” right then and there.

Man says his boss asked him to “adjust” leave dates he requested for his dad’s funeral

Image credits: Replaceableuser

The boss told him that two other coworkers are also on leave around the same time

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Replaceableuser

Why ignoring basic empathy often costs more than it saves

A toxic manager might believe they are safeguarding company time by denying their employee’s leave requests. Instead, they are actually fostering a harmful workplace culture that drives high-performing employees away.

These denials usually stem from a total lack of empathy or a paranoid distrust, with bosses assuming employees are just trying to play the system for free time off.

Recent research shows 51% of employees who lose someone close leave their job within a year. It’s not just about the number of leave days though. It’s also about whether the organization responded with empathy and care.

Grief can cause debilitating feelings of distress as well as impaired cognitive and physical functioning.

And when companies deny leave during such a difficult time, it is a recipe for disaster. It forces people to bottle up their pain while trying to grind through extreme stress.

Studies show that grieving employees who are forced back too soon usually struggle to focus. It then leads to a massive drop in productivity and an increase in silly mistakes.

Beyond the work itself, this move absolutely nukes loyalty and morale. Plus, the physical toll of combined grief and work stress often leads to actual illness, meaning the employee ends up taking sick leave later anyway.

“The employer-employee relationship is just that: a relationship. And in any relationship, when we feel valued and cared for, we’re more likely to return the sentiment. Treating employees with compassion isn’t only the right thing to do; it’s also strategically beneficial,” says grief expert, author and podcaster Jessica Fein.

The Grief Recovery Institute estimates “hidden grief” costs US companies more than $75 billion each year.

Most workplaces think they have bereavement all figured out

Even though grief is something we all go through, studies show that standard company support usually misses the mark. Most office policies are designed for efficiency and hitting business goals rather than actually helping a person.

They treat grief like a box to be checked off based on rigid rules and hierarchy, which doesn’t at all match what a grieving employee actually needs to heal.

Companies have a formal policy, a set number of days off, and the expectation that once that time is up, you’ll come back and everything will just slide back to normal.

But grief doesn’t care about HR timelines or excel sheets. In fact, studies show that blocking the emotional pain could stifle the grieving process. It can then lead to prolonged or complicated negative outcomes such as depression, relationship issues, self-identity problems, and immunocompromised systems.

Research shows that being flexible with bereavement leave is just as vital as the amount of time employees actually get. Flexibility in when employees are able to utilize leave time can help them to settle a loved one’s personal affairs.

It takes the average person 15 to 18 months to finalize all the necessary administrative tasks that follow a loss. From settling an estate and closing financial accounts to transferring property titles and navigating insurance, there are a dozen complex hurdles that simply cannot be cleared in that first week of leave. These tasks are emotionally and physically draining as well.

Experts also believe that people need at least 20 days to process a close loss, but the average in many US companies is just three to five days.

In the US, there is no federal law requiring companies to provide bereavement leave, meaning the decision is largely left to individual employers. While seven states have enacted their own mandatory protections, the vast majority of workers in the remaining 43 states rely entirely on their company’s voluntary policies. According to industry surveys, about 91% of US employers do offer some form of bereavement leave, but these policies are often inconsistent and rarely provide the duration experts recommend.

In the UK, the situation is fairly similar. Currently, there is only a specific legal right for parents who lose a child (two weeks of protected leave). For any other loss — like a spouse or parent — there is no law forcing companies to provide paid time off; it’s mostly left up to the employer’s discretion.

However, the Employment Rights Act 2025 is paving the way for a major shift in 2027, when the UK plans to introduce a new statutory right to bereavement leave for a wider range of relationships.

Legal protection matters, but they can’t create compassionate workplaces.

Real change happens when managers know how to handle tough conversations with empathy, HR builds fair systems, and teams have plans in place so that taking time off doesn’t feel like a burden.

Because, at the end of the day, a company’s most important asset is its people.

Several people in the comments shared similar experiences

Many people sympathized with the man and expressed outrage against his boss

But some people pointed out the author’s mistakes and shortcomings

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