Guy Walks Out Of Blind Date When Friends Try To Set Him Up With Obsessive Woman He’s Rejected Thrice
Interview With Expert
Blind dates are full of possibilities. You can end up sitting across from literally anyone, and that’s as exciting as it is scary. The worst thing would be to end up on a date with someone you hate, but hopefully, your friends or family members would have chosen wisely, right?
What if your closest friend pulled a trick on you and decided to set you up with someone whom they know you’ve rejected multiple times? This is the situation a man found himself in when he showed up to a blind date his friend had planned for him.
More info: Reddit
Guy is blindsided by friend who decided to set him up with an annoying and clingy woman whom he rejected multiple times
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
The poster said that he met a lady named Jane at the birthday party of his friend Joe’s GF, Jane hit on him even though he was in a relationship, and he found her bothersome
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The guy said he would run into Jane at least twice a month because she became a part of his friend group and tried asking him out at least two times after his breakups
Image credits: KoolShooters (not the actual photo)
Recently his friend Joe tried to set him up on a date, but when he showed up at his friend’s apartment he saw that Jane was his chosen blind date
Image credits: Kvatchdididatch
The guy left Joe’s apartment without saying a word because he was so angry at his friend who knew he had rejected Jane thrice
The poster is a 25-year-old man who shared that he has a close friend named Joe. The guy came in contact with a woman named Jane at Joe’s girlfriend’s birthday party. At the party, Jane tried to hit on him. Since he was already dating someone and did not reciprocate her feelings, he felt that it “ruined” his time at the event. Jane asked him out again twice in the subsequent months and he kept getting annoyed by her.
Recently, his friend Joe pestered him to attend a double date and said that he wanted to fix him up with someone. He refused to tell the guy who he was setting him up with. When the poster eventually turned up at his friend’s house, he was angry when he saw Jane there and decided to just walk out. His entire friend group knew that he had rejected her 3 times and that she was quite “obsessive.”
Bored Panda interviewed James Preece, a celebrity dating coach and relationship expert from Dating Academy, to get his opinion on Joe’s actions. He stated, “perhaps his friend genuinely believed that this woman was the person of his dreams and they were a great match. He could have been trying to give them both the chance of meeting and getting to know each other. On the other hand, if he knew full well that they weren’t a fit, then it’s not a funny trick to play on a friend. I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he had good intentions.”
Although research shows that 43% of adults have been on a blind date at least once in their lives, not everyone is satisfied with their experience. A survey on people’s blind dating experiences found that 70% were neutral about it, and 18% were unsatisfied, which was higher than the number of people who found the experience satisfactory. In this case, the poster might never want to go through the blind dating experience again because of the shock he received.
Jane’s obsessive tendencies and the way she did not give up after so many rejections made the man feel like he needed to avoid her. We reached out to Kavita Jhaveri, a relationship coach for women, to get some insight into why someone would be so persistent. She shared: “If a person is lonely or a little vulnerable, all it can take is someone being nice to switch this on. They aren’t used to being treated well, so they’ll start to create a fantasy of them being together. The more times the other person insists they don’t want to date, the more they see it as a challenge.”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Blaine Anderson, another dating coach we interviewed, shared that “both men and women can be guilty of holding out hope that someone who clearly isn’t interested will suddenly change their mind. It’s trite, but there are so many fish in the sea, and 99% of what will actually make your future partner special to you is the relationship you build with them. You may think you love this guy, but you’re probably more in love with the idea of him than anything else.”
James Preece also added, “I have seen this tendency in both men and women. It usually happens because when the breakup or rejection happens, there isn’t a lot of clarity. Meaning the person doing the rejecting wasn’t clear or honest about why they were not interested. It could be because they weren’t attracted to the person, or because she/he said something that didn’t resonate, and that’s never brought up or talked through. So, then for the person that got rejected, it can feel like we were doing good, but all of sudden something changed.”
Just like Jane, some people just can’t take no for an answer and don’t seem to respect other people’s boundaries. According to James, “while it’s good to be resilient and not give up on your dreams, you have to accept when someone isn’t interested. By persisting so many times, she’s not being respectful of his boundaries. I’d advise her to give her attention to someone who would appreciate it. If you spend your life chasing Mr. Wrong, you’ll never get close to Mr. Right.”
Even Kavita mentioned that: “there’s a lot of nuance to why humans in general feel like they can’t quite take in what someone is telling them. I would just tell her to move on. You deserve someone that can really meet you and like you for all of who you are. Also, I would say, dig deeper by doing some inner work into why it was hard to take in the rejection, and what anxieties got brought up and where did they come from.”
Studies on blind dates find that 3 out of 10 people still ask their friends to set them up. In this case, the poster is probably never going to ask his friends to find a partner for him. Commenters sided with the OP and told him that his friend was wrong for inviting Jane despite knowing about her obsession. Do you think the guy did the right thing by walking out on his date? How would you have handled this? Let us know in the comments.
Many netizens pointed out that if the roles were reversed, nobody would be giving the poster a hard time
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Valid. Imagine if this was a woman telling the story about a man acting like Jane. Ppl would be very grossed out n hopefully never would have done this to a friend. Equally valid no matter what gender you are. No means no.
I thought that the person who made that point was right on the money - and I say this as a woman. A man would be called a predator, possibly even an incel, but a woman pulling this? Why does she get a pass on this behaviour? Absolutely not.
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I think OP handled it well. He didn't say anything to hurt Jane further, or to embarrass her. He just left. I don't know that I'd have been that kind.
Agreed. It was the best possible response. He removed himself from the situation without drama.
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Consent is everything. It doesn't matter is you are male, female, non-binary or genderfluid, 'no' means 'no'. _________ It's fine asking someone out a couple of times over a space of time, but more than three times is not on. Leave them alone to enjoy their life.
I’m guessing he was too polite in his rejection and Jane is bad at understanding subtlety. The first time he was in a relationship. The second time he just broke up with his girlfriend. The third time he wasn’t ready to be in another relationship. “It’s not that he’s not interested in me. My timing has just been wrong.” I think she got the hint now.
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Valid. Imagine if this was a woman telling the story about a man acting like Jane. Ppl would be very grossed out n hopefully never would have done this to a friend. Equally valid no matter what gender you are. No means no.
I thought that the person who made that point was right on the money - and I say this as a woman. A man would be called a predator, possibly even an incel, but a woman pulling this? Why does she get a pass on this behaviour? Absolutely not.
Load More Replies... I think OP handled it well. He didn't say anything to hurt Jane further, or to embarrass her. He just left. I don't know that I'd have been that kind.
Agreed. It was the best possible response. He removed himself from the situation without drama.
Load More Replies... Consent is everything. It doesn't matter is you are male, female, non-binary or genderfluid, 'no' means 'no'. _________ It's fine asking someone out a couple of times over a space of time, but more than three times is not on. Leave them alone to enjoy their life.
I’m guessing he was too polite in his rejection and Jane is bad at understanding subtlety. The first time he was in a relationship. The second time he just broke up with his girlfriend. The third time he wasn’t ready to be in another relationship. “It’s not that he’s not interested in me. My timing has just been wrong.” I think she got the hint now.
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