Guy’s Bio Fam Finds Him After 29 Years, Their Hopes Of Reunion Are Crushed As He Doesn’t Need Them

You know, as the saying goes, you can’t choose your family. It isn’t a lie, you really can’t, at least most of the time. What you can choose is whether to be in contact with them when you grow up.

Whether it’s due to the toxic situation or just simply not having space for them in your life, it all depends on the context you’re in. Today’s story is a perfect example of how this choice looks in practice, but of course with a twist of drama – breakups, make-ups, guilt-tripping, and all that. Everything that makes an entertaining family drama. So, without further ado, let’s jump in, shall we? 

More info: Reddit

You can’t choose who your family is, but what you can choose is whether to stay in contact with them or not

Young man with his happy family outdoors, reflecting on complex emotions about birth family tracking him down.

Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)

In this story, a man found himself at a crossroads when, out of the blue, his birth family started showing an interest in having a relationship with him

Man’s birth family tracks him down after abandoning him, but he chooses not to have them in his life.

Text about family openness, adoption, and respectful attitudes towards birth families despite limited knowledge.

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Man’s birth family contacts him after abandonment, shocked he rejects reconnecting or having them in his life.

Man typing on laptop checking email about birth family tracking him down after abandonment and his response shown on screen.

Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The problem was that the man himself didn’t really have any interest whatsoever

Text message about man’s birth family reaching out after abandoning him, expressing shock he rejects them.

Man’s birth family tracks him down after abandoning him, but he chooses not to connect and blocks them.

Text excerpt showing a man’s birth family reaching out after years of abandonment, but he rejects contact with them.

Email excerpts revealing a man’s birth family tries to connect, but he remains loyal to his adoptive parents.

Text describing a man’s birth family tracking him down after abandoning him, but he rejects contact with them.

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Man with tattoo sitting on couch holding tablet, looking thoughtful after birth family tracks him down

Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)

For him, his adoptive family was perfect – they raised him in a loving home, where he was never treated as ‘less than’ just because he was adopted

Text excerpt discussing a man’s birth family tracking him down online and his reluctance to engage with them.

Man’s birth family tracks him down after abandoning him, but he chooses not to welcome them into his life.

Man looking shocked as birth family who abandoned him tries to reconnect, but he refuses contact.

Image credits: Lachleeyonno

And so, he didn’t give in to the birth family’s guilt-tripping to be in contact with them – he simply didn’t need them

The OP was adopted by a loving family when he was an infant and was raised in a loving and happy home. The parents never treated their biological and adoptive children differently, never lied about circumstances or the way their family was formed, and never even demonized the families the adoptive children were adopted from. Essentially, they were the parents any adoptee would dream of. 

One day, seemingly out of the blue, his birth family reached out, but he didn’t feel like answering them. In fact, it took him a while to do so. The people who wrote to him turned out to be his birth parents, who wanted to tell their story. 

Apparently, they broke up 5 years after the original poster’s birth, but then got back together after a while and had more kids, who were interested in meeting their sibling – him. That’s why they found and reached out to him. Yet, even hearing their story and reasoning, the OP was set in his ways – he didn’t want to do anything with them. 

Granted, he isn’t the only person who was adopted and now doesn’t want to get in touch with their birth family. Statistics of the American Adoption Congress show that around 35% don’t want to meet their biological parents after adoption.

In the case of the post’s author, since he was given away at such a young age, it’s likely that he has no proper memories of them, so it’s not like there is anything he wants back – he never really had it.

What he had was a loving adoptive family. As he said himself, it isn’t in his nature to wonder about what didn’t happen; instead, he prefers to celebrate what did. Of course, among the adoptees that belong to the aforementioned statistic, the reasons for their decision don’t have to be the same as this man’s. 

Family walking outdoors at sunset, capturing a moment of connection amid the story of man’s birth family reunion.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

At the end of the day, not every adopted kid has as great a childhood as the OP did. So, they might hold a grudge towards those who forced them into such a life by giving them away. Even if the folks who raised them weren’t bad, the person might still feel abandoned by their biological parents and simply not be ready to face them.

The latter reason can especially apply to those cases where they were the sibling that got adopted out, while others stayed in the family. Sounds similar to the author’s case, doesn’t it? Yet, it doesn’t mean that this is the reason behind his refusal to accept his birth family. As he explained himself, he doesn’t hold a grudge or anything; he simply doesn’t have a place in his life for them.

While this sounds like a good enough reason to us, given his circumstances, the birth family thought it was unfair. So they kept reaching out without taking a hint of him blocking them. Such persistence made him question his actions – maybe he was being a jerk rejecting them?

Well, in the netizens’ eyes, the OP wasn’t a jerk. As they pointed out, the family gave him up years ago, so they have no say in how he should react to them right now. The saying “blood’s thicker than water” doesn’t really apply here – yes, they’re blood relatives, but nothing more than that. The man doesn’t owe them anything, and they should respect his wishes instead of taking his “no” as a push to guilt-trip him.

What do you think? Do you agree with the netizens’ take here? Or do you think that the man should accept his birth family with open arms? We’re ready to hear out all your takes in the comments!

Netizens thought that his choice was completely OK and that the family was overly pushy, and that by giving him away, they also gave away his acceptance of them

Reddit comments discussing a man’s birth family tracking him down after abandonment and his refusal to engage with them.

Man’s birth family contacts him after abandonment, shocked he refuses contact or relationship with them.

Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing a man’s birth family tracking him down after abandoning him.

Comments discussing a man’s birth family tracking him down after abandoning him and his refusal to include them in his life.

Screenshot of an online discussion about a man’s birth family contacting him after abandoning him, and his refusal to reconnect.

Reddit conversation about a man’s birth family tracking him down after abandoning him and his refusal to reconnect.

Alt text: Reddit conversation about man’s birth family tracking him down and his decision to keep them out of his life.

Comment from user Unlikely_Offer_5461 defending man’s birth family choice, supporting no relationship with birth parents.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a man’s birth family tracking him down and their manipulative behavior.

Comment discussing boundaries after a man’s birth family tracks him down despite his refusal to reconnect.

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