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Guy Needs A Crash Course In Bodily Autonomy, Tries To Impose His Wishes On His Wife, Gets Shut Down
Interview With Expert
When a bridal couple takes their wedding vows, they are pledged as “partners”. This doesn’t mean that they get to decide what their significant other does with their bodies, right? Unfortunately, some people have a lot of trouble understanding this basic concept.
Just look at the original poster’s (OP) husband, who doesn’t want her to be on birth control as he doesn’t like how it “changes her hormones”. She complained that this is not the first time that he has tried to intervene while making decisions related to her body, so she shut him down, but he just sparked more drama!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
It’s upsetting but true that people think they can have control over their partner’s bodies
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster has been married to her husband for 5 years, but she has noticed that he tries to intervene in decisions about her body
Image credits: White101O
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She wanted to be on birth control, but he objected, as he doesn’t like how it “changes her hormones”, and it’s not the first time he has done this
Image credits: White101O
Image credits: zinkevych / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He has tried to control other decisions about a haircut or her getting a tattoo, so she reminded him that it’s her body and she decides what to do with it
Image credits: White101O
This angered him so much that he blamed her for not considering his feelings and even accused her of being disrespectful
Couples often fight over things, but this one is conflicting over how the husband is trying to control OP’s decision about her body. The thing is, they have been married for 5 years now, and never had major disagreements, until it came to her body. She feels that he doesn’t understand that since it’s her body, she gets to decide what she does with it.
It all started when she expressed that she wanted to go back on birth control again, but he was against it as he doesn’t like how it “changes her hormones”. Now, her argument is that he’s not the one who has to go through the whole anxious process of stressing over whether she’s pregnant or not. She straight out told him so, but probably didn’t expect this reaction from him.
The fellow got all defensive and claimed that she doesn’t care about “his feelings”. Really? This is not the first time, as she has noticed this pattern before, whether it be for getting a haircut or a tattoo. However, he got really annoyed when she told him that she makes decisions about her own body, and even accused her of being “disrespectful”.
Netizens immediately flagged him down as a problematic person, and even I agree with them. However, to get deeper insights into the couple, Bored Panda reached out to Friyana Irani, a counseling psychologist who works at CREDO World School in Dahanu and Mind Wellness Centre in Wadala.
She believes that bodily autonomy is foundational in any healthy relationship. As per her, it reflects the principle that each partner retains ownership over their body, choices, and identity, even within the intimacy of a couple. Without bodily autonomy, relationships risk slipping into control or dependency, she added.
Image credits: drobotdean / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Our expert also stressed that occasional preferences (e.g., “I love your hair this way”) are natural. However, she believes that when comments become repetitive, critical, or aimed at pressuring the partner to change decisions, this crosses into controlling behavior, which is characteristic of emotional manipulation.
We also conversed with Friyana about why some individuals might perceive boundary-setting as rejection or disrespect. She expressed that many people grow up in environments where boundaries were either not modeled or were equated with conflict, defiance, or abandonment.
“As a result, when a partner asserts bodily or personal boundaries, it can feel like rejection or withdrawal of love. But setting boundaries can be reframed in a healthy way. In therapy, I often highlight that boundaries are a form of emotional hygiene, necessary for closeness without enmeshment,” Friyana commented.
She also explained that social conditioning often teaches men that part of their role in heterosexual relationships is to have a say—or even ownership—over their partner’s body and choices. Women, conversely, she said, are frequently socialized to prioritize being desirable or agreeable, which can make asserting bodily autonomy feel like rebellion or selfishness.
Lastly, Friyana concluded, “Respecting bodily autonomy is non-negotiable in a healthy relationship. Disrespecting it can quickly slide into manipulation or control. Boundaries should be reframed as love and self-respect in action, and both partners must remain mindful of how societal conditioning can distort expectations.”
Seems like OP’s husband has a lot to learn, doesn’t he? What would you do in her shoes? Let us know in the comments!
Horrified netizens said that her husband is a big red flag as he’s trying to control her body and treats her like his “property”
What do you think ?
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
By pattern she means he's been on the incel sites and listening to Andrew Potato.
arthbach 3 months ago
Whilst it is reasonable to a partner to be able to give an opinion, and their opinion to be listened to, it is only that, an opinion. My body, my choice, wins out.
Nova Rook 3 months ago
Yeah, I get all three of his concerns - if he thinks her being on birth control impacts things it's fair to say so, if he would prefer her hair another way it's fair to say so and if he doesn't like her tattoo idea then I think he's obligated to say so. She should listen, weigh it all and then make her own choices.
Load More Replies...
Nova Rook 3 months ago
It is disrespectful of her not to adhere to his choices = Gold! My wife would laugh in my face so hard if I tried a line like this.
Nikole 3 months ago
I scoffed hugely upon reading that bit. What a controlling, condescending áss.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 3 months ago
She needs the Pill for her hormones. He needs something more drastic for his.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
First of all, the rest of the relationship is not great if he thinks he has any rights over her body. Second It's not too blunt to say blatant truths in any context. Third, the thing to push back on is what "respect" he thinks he is due. If there's a possibility they he's concerned about mood swings or a change in attraction - both of those are side effects to birth control and he has a right to raise those issues though not to decide on them. But from the rest of the context, this guy just seems to adhere to biblical marriage where he owns his wife. Get out asap.
Sathe Wesker 3 months ago
She wants to be on birth control (and I do understand why, not just because of pregnancy but it can help regulate our system - for some) but if I was her I would turn around and say, well, I want you to get a vasectomy then. “Yours can be reversed and it will temper down your testosterone because I don’t like how it makes you act”…. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn’t really mean it but is more to prove a point.
Laura Gillette 3 months ago
Why does he care that it affects her hormones? Also, being on BC makes your hormones MORE stable, so wouldn't that be preferable? Either he wants to pregnancy trap her, or he enjoys knowing she is suffering each month. What a creep.
sturmwesen 3 months ago
I had an ex tell me he doesn't want me to color my hair green. Not in a " I prefer brown, but it's your decision" way either. He was an ex not much later. It starts small, but if you don't set them straight right away it only gets worse.
Paul C 3 months ago
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else what they can and can't do with their body. When in a close relationship, they do have the right to tell their partner how they feel about it and the consequences of an action, but that's totally different. For example, if my wife tells me she wants to sleep with someone else, I will tell her I'm not happy about that and it would be the end of us, but I can't tell her not to do it.
Mike Barrette 3 months ago
My husband told me to cut off my left arm, but I kind of like it. He says I'm being insensitive to his feelings by keeping it. AITA?
Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
Strikes me that if the pills change her hormones that extremely, he has the option to leave.
Rimjabbathehutt 1 month ago
NTA at the moment but I'll bet she turns into a colossal àsshólé when she's on birth control and doesn't notice. "I'm the one who has to deal with the side effects." You're not the only one who has to deal with the side effects.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
You're right, it is your body and your decision as to what mess that you do ir do not take. If it was a medicine that can have really bad side effects I could kinda see his point but with BC nope!
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
By pattern she means he's been on the incel sites and listening to Andrew Potato.
arthbach 3 months ago
Whilst it is reasonable to a partner to be able to give an opinion, and their opinion to be listened to, it is only that, an opinion. My body, my choice, wins out.
Nova Rook 3 months ago
Yeah, I get all three of his concerns - if he thinks her being on birth control impacts things it's fair to say so, if he would prefer her hair another way it's fair to say so and if he doesn't like her tattoo idea then I think he's obligated to say so. She should listen, weigh it all and then make her own choices.
Load More Replies... Nova Rook 3 months ago
It is disrespectful of her not to adhere to his choices = Gold! My wife would laugh in my face so hard if I tried a line like this.
Nikole 3 months ago
I scoffed hugely upon reading that bit. What a controlling, condescending áss.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 3 months ago
She needs the Pill for her hormones. He needs something more drastic for his.
FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
First of all, the rest of the relationship is not great if he thinks he has any rights over her body. Second It's not too blunt to say blatant truths in any context. Third, the thing to push back on is what "respect" he thinks he is due. If there's a possibility they he's concerned about mood swings or a change in attraction - both of those are side effects to birth control and he has a right to raise those issues though not to decide on them. But from the rest of the context, this guy just seems to adhere to biblical marriage where he owns his wife. Get out asap.
Sathe Wesker 3 months ago
She wants to be on birth control (and I do understand why, not just because of pregnancy but it can help regulate our system - for some) but if I was her I would turn around and say, well, I want you to get a vasectomy then. “Yours can be reversed and it will temper down your testosterone because I don’t like how it makes you act”…. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn’t really mean it but is more to prove a point.
Laura Gillette 3 months ago
Why does he care that it affects her hormones? Also, being on BC makes your hormones MORE stable, so wouldn't that be preferable? Either he wants to pregnancy trap her, or he enjoys knowing she is suffering each month. What a creep.
sturmwesen 3 months ago
I had an ex tell me he doesn't want me to color my hair green. Not in a " I prefer brown, but it's your decision" way either. He was an ex not much later. It starts small, but if you don't set them straight right away it only gets worse.
Paul C 3 months ago
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else what they can and can't do with their body. When in a close relationship, they do have the right to tell their partner how they feel about it and the consequences of an action, but that's totally different. For example, if my wife tells me she wants to sleep with someone else, I will tell her I'm not happy about that and it would be the end of us, but I can't tell her not to do it.
Mike Barrette 3 months ago
My husband told me to cut off my left arm, but I kind of like it. He says I'm being insensitive to his feelings by keeping it. AITA?
Robert Beveridge 3 months ago
Strikes me that if the pills change her hormones that extremely, he has the option to leave.
Rimjabbathehutt 1 month ago
NTA at the moment but I'll bet she turns into a colossal àsshólé when she's on birth control and doesn't notice. "I'm the one who has to deal with the side effects." You're not the only one who has to deal with the side effects.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
You're right, it is your body and your decision as to what mess that you do ir do not take. If it was a medicine that can have really bad side effects I could kinda see his point but with BC nope!
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