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80 Unexpected Cultural Differences That Shocked People In International Relationships
Dating someone from a different background can teach us things about the world we might never learn on our own. It's hard to say whether these lessons will make or break a particular couple, but they almost always reveal one important truth: even those who love us and want the very best for us can look at family, religion, money, and other parts of life in ways we simply do not. So when a post on the subreddit r/AskTheWorld invited those in international relationships to share the culture shocks they've experienced with their partners, it got plenty of insightful replies. Here are the most memorable ones.
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#1
I took my British husband to the US for the first time a few weeks ago and he was SHOCKED by the advertisements everywhere. The anti abortion billboards, the find Jesus billboards, and the personal injury lawyer billboards in particular. We both know each other’s culture pretty well so there hasn’t been many things we’ve been surprised by.
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#2
I’m a Papua New Guinean/Australian married to an American. There’s been plenty of culture shocks but the biggest one for me is just how much Americans (not my husband but others) will pick their political party over people they know and love.
#3
My dad comes to the airport we pick him up, we were talking (Spanish) my husband (American) said please stop fighting with your dad, he just arrived. We were just talking.
#4
I've dated multiple Japanese men (one at a time, of course :)) and all of them expected me to cook for them. Not living together so I think cooking should be shared. Not just dinner though - lunches to take to work too.
I don't think so.
theunquietloop:
Japan is highly misogynistic. People don’t have that notion.
#5
My husband is from North Macedonia. The price of healthcare has been a huge shock for him. Learning about health and car insurance. Credit scores. The size of the country. The size of Chicago. For a while, I think he was in a constant state of shock.
Justin Case 14 minutes ago
I have been to Chicago twice (just for a couple days). Both times, I saw people shooting at each other on the street.
#6
Answering for my New Yorker husband. When we moved to Estonia he was shocked by how quiet everything is.
Binky Melnik 1 hour ago
So he’s never left NYC? Is he unaware he coulda just gone to Westchester or the Catskills for some peace? How weird.
#7
I’m Dutch, my wife is from Venezuela.
When we were just dating her friends came over to my place. And at one point my girlfriend asked; when am I going to start dinner? And my answer was “after the guests leave”.
In her culture it’s normal you make dinner for your guests. In my culture “we are starting dinner” is a signal to your guests that it’s time to go.
So she was upset I wouldn’t cook for her friends, but I was actually trying to be polite, saying that the guests don’t need to leave yet.
#8
Engaged to a Malaysian.
The misogyny and oppression of women in Malaysia feels far more intense than anything I could have imagined coming from Europe.
This includes serious violations of women’s bodily autonomy, such as FGM, as well as colorism, body-shaming, strict regulation of clothing, the sexualization of every small part of women’s bodies, and the enforcement of misogynistic Islamic laws with no freedom to leave Islam.
In Malaysia, women are often treated as secondary to men, as sidekicks, servants expected to obey. Anyone who does not fit the ideal of being submissive, pale, thin, modestly dressed, and opinionless can quickly feel society’s hostility.
I can't imagine raising a daugther there.
#9
I married an Egyptian. I am Dutch, and grew up believing that mutual trust is essential in a relationship. Which made my spouse insecure about my love for him, because according to his values distrust and jealousy are the love language. So why would I not be angry at him if he had a friendly conversation with women?! Did I not care about him?! Vice versa, his distrust and jealousy drove me nuts. Needless to say, the marriage did not last.
#10
I had an american boyfriend. Once his Dog left a ball on his neighbors property (suburb of LA). And he was scared and didn’t retrieve it, because his neighbor might shoot him. Completely absurd to me.
#11
I'm your typical happy-go-lucky French-Canadian. My husband is Icelandic and we've been living in Iceland for several years. My biggest culture shock has been the flagrant lack of communication and sharing of emotions. I think this also goes for most of Scandinavia from everything I've heard, but please correct me if I'm wrong.
My husband would probably rather pass away than talk to a stranger and especially if it means voicing dissatisfaction. For example, let's say we're eating in a restaurant and he requested a medium-rare steak. His steak comes back very well done. He'd never address the server about it. He'd rather live in resentment forever and never come back to that place.
That and being able to name emotions. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm disappointed..... Very difficult indeed.
#12
Expat Brit in America here: The absolute rage she had when I didn’t leave a tip for a surly, completely useless waitress. Apparently getting free money is a right, and not a privilege.
#13
My sisters husband (then bf, and Swedish) took my (portuguese) mom's "eat some more" as a question and said "no thanks"... 😅
My Swedish dad looked at him with compassion as he has already done this mistake way in the past.
Binky Melnik 1 hour ago
I don’t understand. “No, thanks,” seems perfectly reasonable le to me. Where’s the misunderstanding?
#14
In Canada, it’s common for me to hang out with my married friends as couples. I am friends with my friend’s partner as well. My wife is Japanese and in her culture, you don’t really hang out if be friends with your friends partner. Heck they don’t even have a thing of +1 at weddings. They just invite the friend to the wedding and they go alone. I find it really weird.
#15
I’m from the Caribbean, white sand beaches, turquoise waters. In our first month together as a married couple in Germany my husband said we were going to the “beach”. I was so excited! He took me to a clearing by the Rhine with some stones and dark, dangerous looking water. There were people actually laying around and sunbathing there. He looked so proud that he could take me to this “beach” too, I did my best to mask my shock and disappointment.
#16
German married to a South African here
South Africans kiss each other on the mouth, like a little peck, as a greeting. Imagine my surprise when I went for his mom's cheek and got her lips instead.
#17
My Japanese ex really struggled to accept that I had male friends with whom I had purely platonic relationships. He also really struggled to accept that my friends group and I would travel together as a mixed group and all share one hostel room or family room in a hotel to save money.
I struggled with how hard it was for him to express his true feelings and opinions. I constantly had to "read the room".
#18
Meeting the Persian family and experiencing taarof (without warning)
Looking back I feel awful for accepting all the delicious food so quickly.
AnElectricfEel:
Bro when you go to any store in Iran, you have to beg the cashier to take your money. Theyll say “No please, its on the house” and you gotta say “No I would love to pay, please let me” I love it but it gets exhausting after a while.
#19
I once dated a spanish girl as a german.
She brought her friends to the town we both studied in for visit and they were soooo loud. I made the rookie mistake to pick a german restaurant to have dinner and they were that loud, all the other guests and staff looked at us and were annoyed for 2 hours.
The spanish folks couldnt read the room at all, they were oblivious. And in the end, they all wanted to pay seperatly and none tipped the waiter (the look on the guys face was priceless), as tipping isnt a thing in spain I learned that night.
I ended up tipping him good and apologized for the people, when I was the last one to pay and all the others went outside.
P Peitsch 1 hour ago (edited)
I'm going to Spain in different cities for shorter or longer holidays. I'm not tipping everyhere at all, or max, just rounding up till the next number, or maybe 1 euro plus (ex. 28.87 euro rounded to 30) . But, not once has happened, that, when I was leaving an exactly 10% tip, the waiter or waitress asked: Are you from Germany? Yeah-why-are-you-asking? Only germans are living an exact 10% tip. Oh, and they found it amazing and also a hilarious on-the-spot give-away of a german torurist. :D
#20
From USA. Ex-wife is Colombian. We used to live there.
For me, was random family showing up unannounced at our apartment. My first week there, I got out of the shower and walked into the hallway completely bare, only to find my ex’s aunt standing in the hallway as if she were waiting for my ex.
I felt so embarrassed, was my first time meeting this person in my life and she saw me bare!
Fortunately, she was a physician so she was used to seeing people bare. That made it less awkward. Still, took awhile for me to get over, LOL….
Ophelia Poe 2 hours ago
I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to naked simply as "bare." And like OP, I'm from the US.
#21
So I am French married to a Dutch guy and have been living in the Netherlands for a decade.
Bear in mind, I am a southerner so my culture is all about hospitality. When I think of biggest shock would of course be food.
I remember the first time eating at my in-laws, where the meal was basically bread (bad one) and all kind of dips, cheese and such plus milk as an actual beverage. This was my first actual Dutch lunch, because although my husband is a nederrlander he loves cooking.
I was thinking the whole time, is that just an apéritive? Where is the real food? Is it coming?
Well no 🤣. First time my husband visited my family he gained weight after one week of my mum over feeding him and asking him on a regular basis if he had eaten enough.
I still can’t get used to that transactional food culture.
Another one which I use a lot because it would have gotten me banned from my family had I ever did it to them :
Invited by brother in law for a home dinner. We bring some food and wine (good one). Food is good, we leave happy and then my husband happens to receive a tikkie (basically a payment link) to pay for our part of food from his brother.
My culture would never allow this, you invite; you host, you feed the guest until he can’t walk anymore.
Robin Roper 2 hours ago
I can't imagine asking a guest to pay for the food they ate. I am from the US south and we send enough food home with our guests to feed them the next few days even if it means we have none of that food to eat ourselves.
#22
My Chinese wife's favourite drink is hot water. It's a thing in China, really. Not tea, or any hot drink, just boiled and slightly chilled water. Goes at any season and any temperature.
seanmonaghan1968:
My wife is Taiwanese and does the same. I would order iced water at restaurants in Taiwan and get very strange looks.
#23
Venezuelan here, migrated to Australia 15 years ago.
Unfortunately, my most significant cultural difference with my ex partner (Canadian) came down to expectations around assisting family: She was never happy about me helping out my aging parents financially as the Venezuelan economy collapsed. She accepted it begrudgingly, but then complained recurrently.
Not the main reason why we separated in the end, but a contributing factor. I think it was a mixture of personal and cultural views.
Elladine DesIsles 1 hour ago
I wouldn't consider this a broadly Canadian view at all. I know a number of people in Canada who are supporting family back home overseas, and this is widely understood and respected. Most Camadian-born Canadians would do the same, help out parents or other relatives, when the need arises. This just sounds like an entitled individual.
#24
I’m American and my boyfriend is French.
When we first started dating, he said “I love you” VERY early, like in the first couple of weeks. I brushed it off. A little later, he asked me to say it back, and I was very confused. I really liked him so I just went with it.
For reference, the first “I love you” is a huge deal in the US. Three months in is about the minimum.
Months later, I read in a youtube comment that French people don’t assign the same significance to saying it for the first time. I called him and it cleared it up for both of us. It was ultimately harmless but very confusing on both sides!
#25
Used to date an American. The American attitude towards debt shocked me. When I borrowed money from my parents to cover my slightly overdrawn account I cancelled all of my subscriptions and stopped eating out to pay it back within a month. And he was running around putting the smallest purchases on multiple credits cards and only paying minimums on his existing student debt and consumer debt.
#26
I’m Danish and my wife is from Argentina. You would think there’s a lot of cultural differences (and there are), but I haven’t found it to be overly shocking or difficult. The worst for me may be the kisses when you greet each other as I don’t even hug my own dad and generally dislike anything more than a firm handshake.
#27
As a German in a relationship with a South Italian woman, I’d have to say it's the sheer amount of food she and her family give me every time I visit. I think they want me to stay in Italy - that must be why they feed me so much!
And then there's the Italian "breakfast" consisting entirely of cakes and cookies. The sweetest thing we Germans would ever eat in the morning is maybe a slice of bread with Nutella, and that's it. I definitely couldn't eat like that every day.
Another thing is the warmth and care. Most of the German women I’ve met tended to be quite distant and self-centered. My girlfriend, on the other hand, really looks after me.
When she scolds me, it’s usually only because I’m eating unhealthily or doing something else. It’s more about her worrying about my health than just nagging to let off steam.
#28
I am married to a Filipino 🇵🇭 . There are loads of small things, like for example:
* Filipinos point with their lips by making a kissy face! It took me so long to get used to it, I kept thinking she wanted a kiss and then she’d be like “no you idiot, I need you to pass me the thing over there 😙”.
* She was very blunt initially. I remember meeting friends one time and her saying “oh you’re a little fat now!”. I was horrified lol.
* Rice with *everything.* She doesn’t have bacon sandwiches in the morning, she has bacon, rice and ketchup.
#29
Had a relationship with a korean.
The biggest issue for me was the communication: When I'm upset or something is bothering me, I just directly explain what's going on and express my emotions. He on the other side was never really telling me how he feels, I think he wanted me to read the room - that's not a big strength of mine.
After a while I found out that he was REALLY upset when he blinked a few times, smiled a creepy smile and said in a really calm polite tone something like 'please do/don't do this'.
I think the biggest culture shock for him (outside the relationship) that the streets in the bigger cities (Germany) are dirty and the littering. For me it was in Korea that many school kids are outside with their uniform in the late evening because they are doing extra classes for school.
#30
I had a finnish girlfriend a lot of time ago. Big differences between us southern european and them. The one who impressed me the most is how cold was their family relations compared to ours (calling between them e times a year extremely rare they were helping each other)...
#31
My partner is Australian and I'm Austrian. Some things that I had to get used to:
They don't like to cause a scene and will rather wait for 45 minutes instead of asking the waiter if they've forgotten their order. Or they'll be like "yes sure, it's okay if we can only sit on the floor right next to the toilets because you have no other free tables" instead of just leaving and going somewhere else. They'll also queue for take-away coffee. (I would never queue for coffee in Austria; it's just not as important, lol) And the fact that they all get take away coffees all the time just because they want a nice coffee on the way to work or something. I feel like nobody in Austria would go to a café just to grab a coffee to go; you go there, sit down, drink your coffee there.
Also, Australians have a much higher tolerance to the cold outside. You'll see people in shorts outside in the middle of winter (I'm living in a cold climate in Australia) and parents don't force their kids to wear 5 layers of thermo clothes before they're allowed to leave the house. On the other hand, they (rightfully) take sun protection incredibly seriously and people will absolutely wear hats, sunscreen, rashies, and stay in the shade no matter if it gives them hat hair or makes them look dorky.
In terms of fashion, Australians are a lot more relaxed than Europeans. If you catch up with someone on the weekend or after work, they'll often wear active wear and runners and no makeup. Very freeing. There'll also often be people in pyjamas and oodies in the mall or the supermarket if you go shopping after 7pm.
Aussies are also incredibly friendly and social and will often strike up a conversation with strangers or make sure you're being included at a party where you don't know anyone. Even the most introverted Australian is usually still incredible at smalltalk in comparison to Austrians. I also feel like their friendliness is usually genuine. They're not as sceptical or judgmental as Austrians and they're quicker to call someone out for being a bit of a jerk and tell them to pull their head in. There's not as much trashtalking other people behind their back here (or at least not trashtalking for no actual reason) and people are a lot more open to help someone even if they don't know them very well.
Christmas was a massive culture shock for me and I'll never get used to it. It's basically just a summer family barbecue with Christmas decorations and songs about snow that make no sense.
Another big cultural difference I noticed is how happy Australians are to move many hours away from where they grew up, for a new job or for love or just for a change. Lots of them even move to Europe for a year or forever.
Food is also very interesting here; I will leave it at that.
Now that I'm a parent, I also notice huge differences in parenting. You only receive a small amount of money for a short time after giving birth, so a lot of mums go back to work rather quickly and kids go to daycare for long days, often before they're even a year old. Despite daycare actually being very expensive, everyone kind of does it.
Anyway, others might disagree, but that's my experience.
#32
My mexican girlfriend thought it was weird that I (American) only saw my parents and siblings like every other month even though they live fairly close by. She would always ask if we were fighting or mad at each other and struggled to understand that we just had our own lives and werent really dependent on each other for anything but we still had a good relationship.
#33
Australians are the equivalent of American drunken sailors. The [things] that come out of my wife's mouth.
#34
Dated a Turkish man once. Had a vacation with him to his hometown, and met his mum and grandma. (And no, no plans for marriage). His grandma asked him if I was a virgin……. Gulp…..
#35
My wife is from SE Asia. On my first trip there, I smelled sewage everywhere I went. It was just awful. She then told me that was just durian, not sewage.
#36
Giving money as a gift. I'm from Chicago, and was taught as a child giving cash as a gift showed that you didn't think about the person, so lacked sentimentality. My wife is from China and believes cash in a red envelope allows the person to choose what they get, so she prefers cash to gifts that she may not like. When we go to birthday parties for our children's friends, we have to debate whether getting a gift and wrapping it is a waste of time or demonstration of emotional investment. Double that for Christmas.
#37
South Americans are LOUD. Middle age, middle class white Brits like me are not.
Me: you don't need to shout. I'm sitting right next to you.
Her: I'm just talking.
Over and over for several decades.
#38
British pestering I call it.
It goes like this:
‘Would you like some tea?’
‘Oh no, but thank you’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yeah, I am sure, thanks hun’
‘Are you sure? I am making one, it is not a problem’
‘No, I really don’t want any tea’
‘Are you sure sure’
‘As I have stated before, I do not want any tea’
‘Gee, you don’t have to be so snappy’
The way it rolls in Eastern Europe:
‘You want tea?’
‘No’
#39
When it’s meal time I like to cook a meal, exactly how much we intend to eat and nothing more, then when it’s ready, eat it while it’s hot. Conversation goes quiet because everyone is eating and enjoying the meal. Things are orderly and efficient.
Now my partner is from the Philippines…. they make huge amounts of food and then when it’s time to eat, it takes them about 20 minutes to sit down and stop fussing around, and then I’m still not allowed to eat yet because they need group photos around it first, followed by video calls to relatives on precariously perched iPads on the dinner table. The food has long gone cold or lukewarm by this point but they seem to prefer it like that. This is where all the most important conversations of the day seem to be scheduled for, right when my mouth is full and I’m having to multi task between eating, listening (a lot) and trying to formulate a reply.
Love them, but it’s difficult sometimes.
#40
German Ukrainian here, not a big shock, but l‘m sensitized to look chic when meeting her family and definitively never allowed to say no to any kind of food, even if I’m at my 4th portion.
#41
I’m married to a Serbian woman who won’t let me touch a single item in the kitchen unless it’s to make a very particular bean soup called grah that her dad taught me to make. So for me the very clearly defined gender roles within the marriage were a shock.
#42
Married to a Korean. It felt a bit awkward at first when I found out she often chews with her mouth open while smacking, making sounds. I then realized that it's sorta typical for Koreans in general.
When our first child was born, I asked her to try staying quiet while eating because it's considered rude in Russia and I didn't want the kid to pick that habit up (in Japan where we live they don't make lots of sounds too, but they also seem to care less when others do). These days my wife makes no sounds which I'm grateful for.
#43
I was brought up "always clean your plate." Aka eat everything you take. If you are not going to eat it don't take more. Mongolian view an empty plate as you want more and will give you more even if you don't ask.. So image me emptying the plate them keep filling it... i wouldn't walk out, i'd roll..
#44
My girlfriend is Brazilian.
She lets everything out on the kitchen counter. Greens ? Two days sitting there. Raw meat ? Who cares if it stays a few hours out. Butter ? Why ever put it in a cold place ?
As a French I put most stuff in the fridge by default. And we are nowhere near the temperatures you get in south america.
It really weirds me out.
#45
I’m an American woman, dating a Hungarian man, there’s a lot of the stuff that Americans would call traditional or old fashioned, like he is very on top of opening all of the doors for me, and pulling out chairs, always insists on escorting me anywhere, but it’s not a facade or show to impress me, it’s just the way he was brought up.
#46
🇯🇲 married to 🇺🇸.
It had taken me a while to get used to the fast moving life and convenience in the USA. Also eating out is a big thing here while in Jamaica a home cooked meal is preferred. There are also huge highways...yes Jamaica has highways but nothing compares to I-85 in Atlanta which has 10 lanes on each side...absolute madnesss!
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 1 hour ago
I-85 in Atlanta is a sight to behold and is bewildering even when there's not morning and evening commuter traffic.
#47
My (American) wife is Chinese and she was shocked that some parents stop supporting their children at 18. I was shocked they don’t go to the dentist unless there is a problem.
hannahbahngswife 1 hour ago
In my country, not only are your parents going to continue support you even after 18, don't you even dare think about leaving home to go study in a city 20 minutes away. You'll get accused of wanting to leave your family behind and hear "what will you do when I get old and sick and d*e?!"
#48
I’m Australian, my boyfriend is Brazilian and we live in the Czech Republic. I still haven’t been to Brazil, but I am learning some things.
For me it’s the loudness, the showing of affection (I was immediately referred to as “daughter-in-law” by his family, for instance) and the number of superstitions!
#49
I could write a book about cultural differences between coastal Colombian and Midwest US spouses.
While there are many culture shock moments, my favorite was the very first one, when we found out in a large and busy store that the gesture for “come here” in one culture means “goodbye” in the other.
#50
Dinner time, I am Canadian and dinner time 5:30-6pm. He is Italian and dinner time is 7:30-8pm. We have settled on Italian Senior Citizen Dinner Time of 7pm.
Elladine DesIsles 1 hour ago
The only Canadians I have ever known to eat dinner as early as OP are families with very young children or seniors going out for an "early bird special". Dinner for me is often after 8pm, sometimes well after.
#51
Vacation.
I visited my Korean bf family once and stayed three weeks to visit the country (my bf was a student in France at the time so we had room to do so).
My bf's mom was SHOCKED that I was staying three weeks, asked me "does your employer knows and do they agree?" to which I replied that I was nearly forced to take these vacation. She talked about it for days.
Koreans gets a legal minimum of 11 days on first year of employment, then 15 average, that most doesn't take fully because of corporate and social pressure.
Legal minimum here (France) is 25 days, my employer offered 40, and shouted at me to get that trip asap.
#52
Married to a Chechen. It was a long road to get her dad to approve of me and my wife still fears her family back home, so she doesn't want either of us to have social media (like Insta and Facebook) and is very strict about my family not posting pictures of her either. Her family members that live here and in Belgium on the other hand have all softened up to me and accept us, although many of them still consider it a fake marriage. We've been together 10 years and have a kid.
Apart from that all the delicious food my mother-in-law cooks.
#53
Dated a Uyghur. They wouldn’t hold my hand in the Chinatown district where we lived in case anyone from her community saw us together. I’m white.
#54
I have a muslim-raised Tanzanian GF. She escaped Islam and Tanzania because she's not a believer anymore. She left her family because there was no reasoning with them when it comes to religion.
It's quite wild to see religion be such a divider. My family are Christians, but I renounced my status as a Christian when I was 14 and while they were a little disappointed, it never changed anything between me and my family. Meanwhile my GFs family are angry and threatening because of her lack of belief.
I love the acceptance of different views in Norway, and I'm glad I live here.
Lyone Fein 1 hour ago
Sharia law is that anyone who leaves Islam is subject to the d***h penalty……and any Muslim can carry it out.
#55
I'm Swedish, loving with a German in Sweden.
We went shopping groceries here. Swedish people put each item on the belt one at a time, centered with space to the next item. We also turn the items so that the bar code will be the right way for the cashier, minimizing the time and effort they need to put into this transaction. That is how it is done. It's a solidarity thing.
She just dumps her whole cart in some kind of anarchist PILE, then expects the poor person behind the belt to just "solve it".
First I just thought she was a [jerk], but having visited Germany many times now I can conclude that everybody does it like this down there. They all hate the cashiers. Freaking animals.
Ps. I like her anyway, I will ask her to marry me. She has other qualities.
#56
The accent. wife is singaporean, but when we first met she only had a neutral 'american' accent. only after we moved to singapore she suddenly switched to her 'natural' accent, which caught me off-guard.
#57
My ex husband was English. It was crazy to me how his whole family expected me to be responsible for him remembering his family’s birthdays.
#58
No one else can take my German directness, and for me it's hard to understand other cultures' indirect communication. I literally only started to understand it after studying (English) linguistics at university and taking classes on politeness, lol. For example, to many Germans it's actually somewhat annoying when someone says "wow, it's getting cold in here" when they mean "could you close the window". It's perceived as kind of passive-aggressive. Another example is my (French) ex was often shocked when I just answered truthfully, like "how's the food?" - "it's good, thanks". He expected more praise and exuberance a lot of the time.
P Peitsch 56 minutes ago
Huhh, I'm on the line ... between the 2 cultures of overly polite french and moronly direct german. I present you my sarcastic hungarian one. Living in Germany. "Wow, it's getting cold in here" - french/english form "It's cold. Close those windows."- direc germant form. "Bro, do you wanna freeze my balls with those open windows? " - the hungarian way for asking .....
#59
My wife is Swedish. In Sweden people don't expect to pay off thier mortgage, they just pay the interest... In UK paying off the mortgage is basically our single life goal... What's sad is it isn't even a 'for the next generation' sort of thing, it's because it'll likely be what pays for our late life care.
#60
My Japanese wife does not consider paying for intimacy, even while in a relationship, to be cheating.
I have zero interest in doing such a thing, but I thought it was interesting that from her point of view, as long as emotions are not involved, it's fine. She simply doesn't want to know about it. As long as I keep bringing money home and keep everyone happy, then it's none of her business.
Obviously, not all Japanese people think that way, but it is one thing that I have heard from multiple individuals.
#61
I'm from Northern Sweden / Sápmi, and culturally a blend of Sami and Swedish due to family upbringing. I married a man from the US.
The weirdest cultural difference I've come across is how much Americans toot their own horns and make grand offers/promises that they don't mean to follow through on.
Like the first time my husband visited my village my husband promised 15 (!!!) different people a bottle of whisky. Then he didn't bring them a bottle of whisky! I rectified that immediately because you don't say you're going to do something and then *not do it*.
I've spoken with a close friend from the US who does a similar behavior, where she invites people she has only just become acquainted with to do things with her, but apparently she "doesn't really mean it". For example: inviting people to attend some event with her, while not actually expecting them to attend, just to pretend they're going to attend. I find this bizarre and would be so hurt if someone invited me to something only to learn they didn't actually want me there!
#62
I’m Vietnamese and when I was with my British boy, he asked for “his personal space” and I was like “what is personal space?”
As dating culture in Vietnam is more like we do everything together.
#63
I dated a British woman for 4 years.
Less so for me but for her, she didn't understand how dangerous the Australian sun could be. The first time I mentioned it to her she said, and I can still hear this clear as day in my head, "It's the same sun, innit? Just on the other side of the planet. It's not like the British sun has a British accent and the Aussie sun has an Aussie accent? They don't tag out once you enter a different country ya twit" (she called everyone a twit so I didn't take offense).
We were going to the beach. I told her to apply more sunscreen, then saw that she wasn't using 50SPF sunscreen.
It genuinely took so much effort to make her understand that if she didn't apply enough sunscreen and reapply it every few hours she would turn into a British woman cosplaying as a Tomato. There's not as much protection through the ozone layer down here. It's why the beating heat of an Aussie 45°c day is a hell of a lot different and worse then it is in a lot of other places. It's part of the reason why I scoff whenever people tell me they can handle working in that kind of heat. You can't, we can't and we've grown up with that.
She did not fare well that Summer. I can't remember if it was that one or the next summer, but one of them we had a bad heatwave. It was like 4 or 5 days in a row of just intense heat, the kind where after 3 days not even the AC offers much escape. She said she nearly broke up with me just so she could avoid that the next year. I ended up in the UK for Christmas that year with her so we ended up seeking heat instead of trying to avoid it.
We lasted another year after that before splitting up because neither of us wanted to make the full commitment to living in the other country. That and disagreements about children.
#64
My partner is Scottish, and I was raised in England primarily by a German mother.
I was very surprised by how much of his food is deep-fried. For breakfast, for example, my German family have Brötchen, which is just bread rolls with cheese or cold cuts. Maybe a piece of fruit on the side, or a bowl of muesli, on rare occasions maybe a pastry from the baker.
Then I moved to Scotland and found out about the morning roll. It’s also sort of like a Brötchen but it’s a soft white roll instead of being crunchy or seeded and it’s laden with your favourite deep-fried breakfast items. My partner’s favourite is black pudding and tattie scone.
The cuisine coupled with how much less of an affinity Scots have for walking everywhere (my mother walks 1.5 hours to work every day) made me gain a fair bit of weight at the start.
#65
I had a boyfriend who was a Sikh. The first time I saw him shower with his underwear on, I thought that he'd just forgotten to remove them. As time went on, I realized that he hadn't.
#66
Canadian with a Filipino.
The biggest culture shock for me was eating with your hands.
I used to hate not having utensils, hated getting my hands dirty etc.
Now slap down some Boodle fight and my hands will be all sauced up and I don't even care anymore.
#67
I grew up in France so i wasn’t expecting any culture shock. But there is one that comes to mind : bread.
Bread is so important to my husband. He needs to find a decent boulangerie that makes the bread just so everywhere we go. It’s always a topic when we go on holiday. I’d be fine with supermarket baguette for a week or two but that’s not an option for him. And since we’re on holiday we’ll probably have croissants and pain au chocolat a few times for breakfast. And that also needs to meet certain standards. And it’s quite possible that the boulangerie that make the best bread is not the one with the best croissant.
It’s better to go with it and help out in the search. Otherwise you hear about it at every meal as the bread gets analysed in every aspect or the croissants are judged for being over/under baked with too much or too little butter etc….
Multa Nocte (she/her/86 47) 1 hour ago
The writer said "pain au chocolat" but what she REALLY meant was "chocolatine." ;-)
#68
Dutch, with a latino who grew up in America. Our biggest thing is he wants to share everything with his family. I am not close to my family at all, but he would gladly give them all of his money if they ask for it. Even the ones he hardly ever talks to like far away cousins because ‘it’s my family’ and it was drilled into him that family comes before everyone else. His closest relatives live in a multigenerational house and expect him to eventually move back when his mother grows old because he is the one that finished university and actually has a decent income (no worries, he won’t go that far).
I am having a hard time with his willingness to help them out, because they are also die hard catholics who are honestly pretty racist and narrowminded. They have never treated him kindly because he is softhearted and not a machismo guy. Only one of them has ever visited us to see his life.
We are now finally at the point that he doesn’t respond to everything his family wants and he sometimes goes against the grain, but it’s a looooong road.
#69
I am a Russian living in Brazil, and dated a bunch of brazillian guys over the years.
1. Punctuality. It's pretty hard to accept that when they say they will be somewhere at 19:00, that means usually 19:30-20:00.
2. Directness. For me as a Russian, it's pretty normal to say what I think, treat no as a complete sentence and use it when needed. Brazilians are allergic to this, and many take a "no" as a personal offence. The cultural norm is just to say something between a yes and a maybe and never do it.
3. The most controversial, where ones obligations lie between parents and a partner. In Russia, it's frequent and normal that adult children maintain close relationship with their parents, including all sorts of help going both ways, while in Brazil many people see this as problematic. In my age group and social bubble, in Russia you are kinda expected to prioritize your blood family (parents, siblings, children) over a partner, while in Brazil your partner and kids become your primary family.
#70
I've dated a Brazilian, who lived in Germany for a few years (I'm from Poland). He couldn't understand the concept of laundry dryer. He was putting clothes all over the furniture to dry them and was VERY surprised it was not getting dry in 15°C for days and smelled funky later. He said he was drying his clothes like this his whole life. Sir, Brazil is SO MUCH HOTTER, why can't you understand it.
#71
I'm a Canadian married to an Australian, and we live in Canada. I didn't expect to have much culture shock since we are both anglosphere nations with similar cultures.
However, the first time I went to Australia I was shocked at the number of people I saw barefoot while out in the world lol.
My husband had even warned me about the barefoot culture in Australia, but I imagined scenarios that were close to the beach - e.g., you're barefoot at the beach, then you want to go into a nearby shop or pub, and you stay barefoot. That certainly happens, but what shocked me was when we were at a suburban shopping centre a good 15km from any beach, and there were people doing their grocery shopping at woolies with no shoes on! Or pumping gas and walking into the gas station store without shoes on!
#72
I am married to a Latina and it still suprises me how she can always be late for everything and that it`s never her fault!
#73
My ex girlfriend was from the Philippines. My culture shock was mostly the food that she’d bring up in conversation. For example, apparently in the Philippines, KFC sells spaghetti.
#74
White Canadian, ex was from Jamaica.
White rice, every day…. I’ve never seen so much white rice purchased and consumed. In large bags that dwarfed me. Every dinner, there would be white rice cooked and served, even if it didn’t go with the meal. And everyday there would be an assessment of how well the white rice was cooked, like it was an art, where I rarely could tell a difference. I have never been so bored with an ingredient. White rice is bland, I much prefer other types of rice like wild rice but nope, had to be white rice. And previously whenever I had white rice, it was a vehicle for a sauce or veggies or whatever, but nope, white rice was eaten on its own now. Never any seasoning just boring white rice. My palate has never been bored.
I have nightmares about white rice now.
Robin Roper 2 hours ago
My half Japanese (US Citizen Born Abroad) husband wants "sticky" rice every few days - always with soy sauce. He also puts soy sauce on everything no matter the cuisine. The only food I've not seen him put soy sauce on is pizza.
#75
Italian 39M living in Canada with my 39F partner. Apart from the strip malls, the layout of the buildings, the car-centric conception of the urban space, honestly if I have to point to one thing that to this day still bothers me and throws me off guard is the tipping culture: should I tip? When is it too much? When is it too little? Will you curse my ancestors if I don’t give you a good enough tip? I feel like there are so many nuances to this and it’s pretty annoying!
#76
I’m from India, married a German.
Parents making appointment to see their daughter.
Booking vacation 6-12 months in advance.
Eating cold cuts for dinner.
No ad-hoc friends meeting.
Now I find all these normal and refreshing after being together for 15 years.
#77
Not my partner, but the way his family (Irish) do the dishes is mental to me. They soak and scrub the dishes in the sink instead of washing under running water.
Edit for clarification: In Brazil we wet the dishes under running water, close the tap and scrub the dishes with detergent and sponge, then rinse the dishes under running water.
My in laws fill the sink with warm water, add detergent to said water, scrub the dishes underwater using a kitchen brush, and then place the dishes to dry without rinsing under running water.
#78
I'm French-German and in a long-term relationship with a lovely Danish lady.
Anything involving sugar has been a point of contention between us.
In France, sweets are for kids and people are expected to grow out of them as they get older. When french adults eat candy, it'll usually be very small amounts of high quality stuff. Anything else tends to be viewed as gluttonous and a sign of low impulse control.
My girlfriend isn't happy unless there's an opened bag of sweets or cookies somewhere in the house, and Odin forbid the emergency candy reserve drawer might be insufficiently filled. I saw her bake a double portion of dual layer caramel cookies the size of portobello mushrooms just yesterday. Every friday the local supermarket runs a heavy discount on candy to attract half the town's citizenry, every friday my girlfriend sprints out of the house Trainspotting-style and comes back with a 300g bag of candy that is allegedly going to last "all week" (spoiler: it doesn't). The less said about ice cream, the better.
To say nothing of her hardcore belief in Coca-Cola's magical cure-all properties. Headache? Large bottle of coke. Nausea? Large bottle of coke. Feeling sad? Large bottle of coke. Got the flu? Call MIL, MIL says "Have you tried drinking some coke?", large bottle of coke.
Speaking of MIL, some of her family's signature holiday dishes involve boiling red cabbage and then dumping 200g of white sugar in the pot, and frying peeled potatoes in caramel to go along with savory dishes. I considering myself to have a fairly sweet tooth by french standards and yet I am losing my fmind at the sheer amount of sugar that these people are ingesting on a daily basis. It's not just my girlfriend being a weirdo either, the Danes have the highest consumption of candy and chocolate in the world (7 kg candy + 6 kg chocolate on average). Just mindblowing.
It's been an uphill battle gently explaining to her that this, in fact, is not how regular people tend to feed themselves pretty much anywhere else in the world.
Oh and, every six months or so, some very smart Danish scientists or journalists write another article bemoaning the Danes' substandard dental health status.
Lovely people, lovely country, massive culture shock for me on this one.
Lyone Fein 1 hour ago
There are certainly other places where people consume lots of sweet treats. United States. India. Lots of warmer places.
#79
As an American married to an Irish man, I was shocked at how long everyone waits to get married and have kids.
It’s so common here in Texas to get married at 18-20 and have kids no later than 24.
I’m 29 and the only person I know that’s married with no kids that *wants* kids.
(To clarify, I’m very happy with our life and glad we waited to save and build a solid foundation. Half of my friends are divorcee, single parents ).
#80
My boyfriend is Russian. Surprisingly, I haven't had much of a culture shock...? Maybe it's because of how I was raised (lived in and visited many countries during childhood), so I'm pretty used to not batting an eye at different customs and just following along.
One thing I was shocked by, though, was that his apartment had the toilet and bathroom separated. A work of genius if you ask me!!!
What do you think ?
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