For reasons unknown, a sport where a bunch of dudes or gals run around and dunk an orange ball into a raised hula-hoop became a global phenomenon. A sport where tickling someone is a legit reason for a fault. A game that made countries into win-or-die rivalries. A sport that’s incredibly exciting to watch for the very same unknown reasons. Yup, we are talking about basketball, and basketball jokes are a tool that expresses our thoughts on it the best. So, strap on your shoelaces, and let’s run to the court of jokes about basketball together.
Unlike any other sports jokes, these definitely emphasize the importance of the aforementioned ball and its position in the court (not like a law court, though). One might even think that this oversized orange is the most important part of the game! Wait, you say it is? Okay, we’ll trust you, then. These funny basketball jokes also talk about the rivalry created by two (usually) equally good teams finding themselves in an arena and trying to sort out who is, in fact, better than the rest. Well, there’s no denying that even if you don’t know the rules, this frenzy is quite exciting to watch! Of course, there are plenty of other things these silly jokes try to encompass, but we’d rather not discuss them all and leave some things for you to discover on your own.
So, our picks of the best basketball jokes are just a bit further down. Once you get to them, give the best jokes about sports your vote so they’ll find their way to the top of this list. Lastly, be sure to share these hilarious jokes with your friends who share the same passion for this intricate and exciting game!
Offensively, James Harden is outstanding. Defensively, he’s just out standing.
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How many New York Knicks players does it take to change a tire?
One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
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What do you call a basketball player that misses dunks?
Alley Whoops.
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I don’t usually roll a joint, but when I do, it’s my ankle.
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Where do basketball players eat in the morning?
Dunkin’ Donuts.
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If you were a basketball, I’d never shoot.
Because I’d always miss you.
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Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society.
They really are people to look up to.
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My friend Tim the basketball player is so stubborn!
He’s always doing things the Hardaway.
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Why are basketball players messy eaters?
They’re always dribbling.
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What do basketball players do when they can no longer see?
They become referees.
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What do an angry rabbit and an NBA player have in common?
Mad hops.
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Who is the best Star Wars character at basketball?
Kobe Wan Kenobi.
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Where do point guards take their dates after the game?
To the Basket Ball.
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What do the stock market and Knicks season ticket holders have in common?
They both get negative returns.
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How were the scrambled eggs like the losing basketball team?
They’d both been beaten.
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If a basketball player gets an athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?
Missle toe!
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Why was the basketball court all wet?
Apparently players dribbled all over it.
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What do you call a pig who plays basketball?
A ball hog.
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The Cavaliers are a team in transition… they’re going from bad to worse.
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How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But he gets money, a car, and four credit hours for it.
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What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?
A tall tale.
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Did you hear that the USC basketball coach is dressing only 7 players for the tournament?
The rest can dress themselves.
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Basketball stars don’t pass away – they just crossover.
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I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.
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What do you call a shark that plays basketball?
A Sharq.
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What do you call a basketball player who smells really good?
Kevin Deodurant.
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Why is the basketball arena hot after the game?
Because all the fans have left.
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Why couldn’t the basketball player listen to his music?
Because he broke a record!
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What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?
A basketball coach.
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Did you hear about the referee that got fired from the NBA?
Supposedly he’s a whistleblower.
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God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.
“I know for a fact we are gonna win,” said God. “We have all the best players up here: Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on.”
“I wouldn’t count on that, God,” said Satan. “You see, down here, we have all the referees.”
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What is the urologist’s favorite part in basketball?
The dribbles.
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For what reason do basketball players love cookies?
They can dunk them.
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What did tanning cream do to a famous basketball player?
It LeBronzed James.
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Why do orphans miss half their basketball season?
Because they don’t have home games.
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Which dinosaur was the best at playing basketball?
The LeBrontosaurus.
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What do you call a basketball player that always makes mistakes?
LeWrong James.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
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What’s the difference between the New York Knicks and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
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What is the difference between a Suns fan and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after a while.
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If a basketball team was chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
Five after nine.
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Why couldn’t Iverson pass the first grade?
He couldn’t pass the tests.
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What do you call a Knicks player with a championship ring?
A senior citizen.
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What did March say to all the madness?
What’s all that bracket?
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What does a Bulls fan do after watching his team win?
Rewind the tape.
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What do you do when you see a lion with a basketball?
Get out of the way.
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Our basketball coach loves dogs… he has three-pointers.
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I talk a lot of trash on the basketball court because my skills are garbage.
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A “Bawler” is a sad basketball player.
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Forget about it, not even Cinderella is getting to this ball.
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Basketball sued tennis for no reason… now, they have to go to court.
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What would you get if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?
A bouncing baby boa.
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What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
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Why can’t you get a fairly officiated basketball game in the jungle?
Because of the cheetahs.
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What type of cheese do basketball players love?
Swish cheese.
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Tennis has taught me that I can be better at basketball. Why?
Because it’s nothing but net when I play.
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I couldn’t figure out why the basketball kept getting bigger and bigger – then, it hit me!
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The anti-vax hoops team lost every game. They never took any shots.
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What did the cheese say when it made a basketball goal?
Swiss!
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Who is the poet laureate of basketball players?
Longfellow.
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What is Santa’s favorite basketball team?
The New York Old St. Nicks.
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Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the Torontosaurus Rexes.
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They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.
They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini-golf.
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What do you call a fantasy show about basketball?
Hooper-natural.
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Which are the best animals in basketball?
A score-pion.
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If Shaquille O’Neal was a shade of blue, he would be Shaquille O’Teal.
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Why didn’t the nose make the basketball team?
He didn’t get picked.
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Why did people in the NBA think Michael Jordan was conceited?
Because he was always putting on Airs.
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I’ve got a great idea for an NBA-themed fast-food restaurant.
I call it Shake-Shaq.
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How did the guy with no hair do during his basketball game?
Oh, he bald.
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What did the devil worshiping basketball player say?
“Baal is life.”
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Been watching basketball lately, and I have to say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.
He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.
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Why did the basketball team join a craft club?
Because they wanted to learn how to make baskets!
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What do you call a shrimp that’s really good at basketball?
Leprawn James.
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Basketball players are afraid of themselves.
They don’t like great heights.
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What is a basketball player’s favorite thing about astronomy?
Shooting stars.
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What do you call a monkey that wins back to back titles?
A chimpion.
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Where do basketball players get their uniforms?
New Jersey.
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I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.
It will be missed.
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α and β played a 1v1 basketball match.
β won, because it was Beta.
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When two Mexicans play basketball, what do you call them?
Juan On Juan.
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What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
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What do you call basketball goals in Hawaii?
Hula hoops.
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Why are Muslims so good at playing basketball?
Because their religion says “I slam.”
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What do you get when you cross a farmer and a basketballer?
Lebarn James.
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Why does every tech company have a basketball hoop in the parking lot?
So people won’t have troubleshooting.
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Did you hear the Atlanta Hawks don’t have a website?
They can’t string three W’s together.
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Why doesn’t Albany have a professional basketball team?
Because then New York City would want one too.
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Why did the basketball player sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?
He was learning how to draw fowls.
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What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?
Root beer!
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Why did the ball hog not go to college?
Everyone knew he wouldn’t pass.
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Why is a referee like an angry chicken?
They both have foul mouths.
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What’s the difference between Carmelo Anthony and time?
Time passes.
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What do you call a dozen millionaires watching the playoffs on TV?
The Minnesota Timberwolves.
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What do Bulls fans do after Chicago wins the championship?
Rewind the VHS tape.
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What does a Kings fan do when his team wins the NBA Finals?
Turns off the Xbox.
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Why were the basketball team’s jersey’s so full of static?
The team was out of bounce.
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Cinderella was such a bad basketball player because her coach was a pumpkin.
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Basketball players stay cool in hot gyms by hanging out near the fans.
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I used to be addicted to basketball. But, then I rebounded.
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What is the favorite sport of a bass fish?
Bass-ketball. Duh.
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Why are the Dallas Mavericks going to change their name to the Possums?
Because they play dead at home and they die on the road.
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What’s the difference between a basketball player and a dog?
One drools; the other dribbles.
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Why do hoops players love donuts?
Because they can dunk them.
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I hear that Mr. Worldwide often gets called out in basketball. He’s always trying to travel.
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What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
Slam Drunk!
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My dad is really good at basketball.
He always told me, “I’ve been Duncan all my life.”
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What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?
Basketball players get actual injuries.
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Why hasn’t Europe ever won Olympic gold in basketball?
Because Europe isn’t a country.
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Why does Jesus get nervous when playing basketball?
He’s afraid of getting crossed up.
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What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?
Jump hook.
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Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together?
He shoots, he scores.
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Why did the basketball player visit the bank?
His checks were all bouncing.
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Why are cats so bad as basketball?
They shoot too many hair balls.
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Why aren’t birds allowed to play basketball?
They commit too many fowls.
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Why do retired basketball players open a brewery?
Because they’ve got hops.
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What basketball player would be a great spokesperson for autumn?
Tacko Fall.
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Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
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What do you call a Greek basketball player?
A hooplite.
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I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.
I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.
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Several minutes ago, the portly bald wizard made a basketball appear out of thin air.
I guess he was a sportscaster.
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Yao Ming started his own basketball team, guess the team name?
Crazy Reach Asians.
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I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Boston Celtics laid tonight.
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Legend has it that basketball used to be played with glass beads, and we only started using rubber balls in the 1900s.
Switching was indeed a marbleless idea.
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Mr. Potato Head went to a basketball game last night.
He was a spec-tater.
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What policy means that ant schools are forced to expel their most promising basketball players?
Zero taller-ants.
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What violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
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How do you beat the crowd at a Nuggets game?
Wait until the game finishes.
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Why is the Westminister Dog Show held at Madison Square Garden?
Fans wanted to see someone other than the Knicks roll over and play dead there.
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The man walking through the airport with a basketball must’ve been traveling.
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Why did the elephants stampede the basketball court?
They wanted to play for the chargers.
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Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court?
It’s always getting tentacle fouls.
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What’s the difference between treasury bonds and OKC fans?
Treasury bonds eventually mature.
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What do you call a ninja who is good at basketball?
A Kobe Shinobi!
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Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
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In what sport is a basket filled but never gets full?
Basketball.
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My buddy opened a tavern for basketball players, and there are already imitators.
Good thing he set the bar so high.
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What do basketball players call the first meal of the day?
Fast breaks.
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Did you hear about the basketball player who tried to shoot hoops on a hockey rink?
Scottie Slippen.
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What do you say when you miss a basket?
Shoot!
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The lake trout didn’t try out for the school’s basketball team because it was afraid of the net.
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Did you hear about that bloody hilarious basketball team?
The Hemoglobetrotters?
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A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.
They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
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