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They say it takes a village to raise a child. And for many families, that village includes relatives.
So when this Redditor was asked to babysit her sister-in-law’s 4-year-old son while the parents were at work, she agreed to help. But what started as a kind gesture quickly turned into a nightmare. The boy threw constant tantrums, ignored house rules, and even began stressing out her own daughter.
After one final incident, she’d had enough. She told her SIL he was no longer welcome in her home, with no warning and no second chances.
Now she’s wondering: was that too harsh, or was she right to draw the line?
RELATED:
The woman agreed to babysit her sister-in-law’s 4-year-old son to help out
Image credits: Dimaberlin / Envato (not the actual photo)
But after too many meltdowns, she decided he wasn’t welcome anymore
Image credits: statuslapa / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Beachbumledford / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: buceo21
In the U.S., most parents don’t rely on formal child care
Having a babysitting arrangement turn into a nightmare is rather unfortunate.
But the reality is, in countries like the U.S., many parents are left scrambling to figure out how to care for their children while also trying to make a living.
These days, regular childcare simply isn’t affordable for most families. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average annual cost of full-day care for a single child in 2022 ranged from $6,552 to $15,600.
And in some areas, the numbers were even higher. The Economic Policy Institute reports that the most expensive states for child care include:
- Washington, D.C. – $24,243
- Massachusetts – $20,913
- California – $16,945
- Minnesota – $16,087
- Connecticut – $15,501
With numbers like that, it’s no surprise that 61% of parents living with at least one child under 17 reported having no formal childcare arrangements, according to the Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey (HPS).
Instead, about 1 in 5 families rely on relatives other than a parent to help with care. The rest make use of available options such as day care centers, preschools, and after-school programs.
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
It’s tough out there. So tough, in fact, that some families are forced to make life-altering decisions just to stay afloat or delay starting a family altogether.
“My wife and I are millennials. We have three children but were 30 years old before we had our first,” Anthony Calderone, 36, of Jamestown, North Carolina, told USA Today. “The cost to raise children is very high. We were both working full-time jobs trying to make ends meet with two children in day care.”
“Once our third child was on the way we had to make a change,” he added. “We could not afford to have three children in day care. We had to move five states over to a better economy to make ends meet.”
Essence Tillery, 33, of Highland Park, Illinois, said she’s unsure whether she wants children at all, because of the financial pressure.
“I find it largely unreasonable to expect women to juggle a full-time job that may only give them 10 to 15 vacation days with a child who’s sick more often than not in the early years,” she said. “Add that to child care being at least $2,000 a month, and it doesn’t seem feasible. Living on one income to offset child care costs is hardly possible with rising costs of living.”
So while this particular story may be rooted in clashing parenting choices, it reflects something much bigger: a broken system that makes raising children financially overwhelming. And that, honestly, is heartbreaking.
The woman later shared more details in the comments
Many readers fully supported her, saying it’s not her responsibility to parent someone else’s child
Others, however, argued she was wrong to expect her nephew to behave like her own child
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What do you think ?
JB 8 months ago
I’d like to take a moment to reset the perception that OP “blindsided” SIL. That refusing to look after nephew was completely unexpected. If you have warned a parent multiple times that their son or daughter’s behaviour isn’t appropriate for where you live, how you want to raise your own, it should come as no surprise when you tell them you aren’t willing to provide care anymore. Especially on a working farm! The animals mostly can’t, won’t, make allowance for the loud, scary, small thing. They may kick, bite, do real damage. No one wants to be responsible for serious injury done to a little child. It isn’t safe to indulge the boy’s tantrums in this environment.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago (edited)
Please tell me the YTA n esh trolls DO NOT have kids 🙄 Op NTA , ok kids act up yup normal , what’s not normal is the parent allowing them to do so , thus teaching them they can do what ever they want when ever they want no consequences, that little brat is heading for Juvi !! N oh boy I feel so sorry for any school he goes to cos u can bet your life she’s gonna be THAT KAREN isn’t she 🤦♀️n as op is on a farm I know first hand it’s important to follow the rules I grew up on a farm ! N my two kids grew up around my horses to same applied ! if anything happens to the brat cos he wouldn’t follow rules , it would totally be op’s fault ! so def do not look after him again , it’s not worth the stress or the risk , mind u id love an update when the brat goes to school or kindergarten lol ,
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
So did you pass English on that farm you grew up on?
Load More Replies...
Sarah 8 months ago
The strictest of rules are needed on a farm. I know from being a child and going to relatives farms. 1) the animals.. 2) you could destroy crops by running over . 3) the slurry pit
Lynne Walker 8 months ago
My house, my rules ESPECIALLY if this is a free service. This 4 1/2 year old is fussing as he sees no way to bully the household, and IMHO, he's not in charge, nor are his parents. He's never been treated as a child so he believes he is equal to the adults in charge. Sad, but I'm with the OP...make the parents make better decisions, and maybe then the free service can resume. But now, a hard no.
Deborah B 8 months ago
Kids should be allowed to have their own "special" toys that are not shared as well as sharing toys. Not all property is communual, and people are allowed to have boundries about lending treasured possessions. Notice that the daughter isn't made to share her special plushies. I do think it's important that the child be able to follow rules, and the parents support discipline instead of undercutting it. Especially on a farm. Climb over the wrong fence, go into the wrong stall, walk up behind a horse, or play on farm equipment, and a child can get seriously hurt. Farms are not safe for children who can't be taught to follow safety precautions.
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
Then you keep your treasured possessions at home. You don't travel with them.
Load More Replies...
Craig Reynolds 8 months ago
If you want to know who is raising entitled future Karens and Kens, just look to the YTA and ESH comments above.
Pixie T 8 months ago
Wow, misbehaving and not following rules can be dangerous enough in a regular home, but on a farm the potential risk factor is ten fold. OP has shown great patience and restraint with her in laws. The child is perhaps not the best behaved but it isn't his fault he was raised this way.
Lori T Wisconsin 8 months ago
OP said the boy is four and a half years old. Get his butt in 4K kindergarten or some other school?.
Robin Roper 8 months ago (edited)
OP needs to not keep this child again, even for an evening. Her solid and totally reasonable rules are incompatible with her SIL & BIL's. As someone who has a BS & and an MS in Child Development as well as MAEd in Counseling, I can say wholeheartedly, these parents are raising a brat who will have a very hard time in any structured learning environment. OP needs to live her best life with her child and move on. BTW - the child isn't lazy, he's manipulative.
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
Start a Go Fund Me account to pay for mom to visit her evil child in jail. Because that's where he's headed.
Mary Allan 8 months ago
I think being forced to share, particularly for a neurodivergent child, can be traumatic and damaging and sometimes individual circumstances need to be taken into account. However, I'm not a psychologist, a parent or a behaviour expert.
Sparkle 8 months ago
True but a child needs to learn to share. They can't be given special treatment because as they get older they are going to have to share.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 6 months ago
I would have told SIL, "Our parenting styles are not compatible and I will be unable to watch your son after XXX date" and give her a few days notice.
J. Maxx 8 months ago
Oh, look, a story where a child is disciplined with TIME OUTS instead of being punched and hit with a full water bottle. See, you don't have to abuse children to discipline them. This to the a******s from the other story where the woman puched and hit the child for caller her Miss Piggy and fat, and though she was justified.
Emilu 8 months ago
Does he have any diagnosable issues, or is he just misbehaving for the sake of it? If the former, I could understand giving him some more slack, but if the latter, no way. And really, at the end of the day; your house, your rules. If you want to kick him out because he’s not blue and looks like a Smurf for example, you should be allowed to. (Not that I would exactly condone that.)
Trillian 8 months ago
No, they are not. That is pretty normal here. Kids can have their own special thing, like a stuffed animal, tha's not for sharing. But if you bring toys to playdates or preschool or whatever, you share. If he doesn't like that, he needs to leave the toy at home and play when he's alone.
Load More Replies... JB 8 months ago
I’d like to take a moment to reset the perception that OP “blindsided” SIL. That refusing to look after nephew was completely unexpected. If you have warned a parent multiple times that their son or daughter’s behaviour isn’t appropriate for where you live, how you want to raise your own, it should come as no surprise when you tell them you aren’t willing to provide care anymore. Especially on a working farm! The animals mostly can’t, won’t, make allowance for the loud, scary, small thing. They may kick, bite, do real damage. No one wants to be responsible for serious injury done to a little child. It isn’t safe to indulge the boy’s tantrums in this environment.
Crystalwitch60 8 months ago (edited)
Please tell me the YTA n esh trolls DO NOT have kids 🙄 Op NTA , ok kids act up yup normal , what’s not normal is the parent allowing them to do so , thus teaching them they can do what ever they want when ever they want no consequences, that little brat is heading for Juvi !! N oh boy I feel so sorry for any school he goes to cos u can bet your life she’s gonna be THAT KAREN isn’t she 🤦♀️n as op is on a farm I know first hand it’s important to follow the rules I grew up on a farm ! N my two kids grew up around my horses to same applied ! if anything happens to the brat cos he wouldn’t follow rules , it would totally be op’s fault ! so def do not look after him again , it’s not worth the stress or the risk , mind u id love an update when the brat goes to school or kindergarten lol ,
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
So did you pass English on that farm you grew up on?
Load More Replies... Sarah 8 months ago
The strictest of rules are needed on a farm. I know from being a child and going to relatives farms. 1) the animals.. 2) you could destroy crops by running over . 3) the slurry pit
Lynne Walker 8 months ago
My house, my rules ESPECIALLY if this is a free service. This 4 1/2 year old is fussing as he sees no way to bully the household, and IMHO, he's not in charge, nor are his parents. He's never been treated as a child so he believes he is equal to the adults in charge. Sad, but I'm with the OP...make the parents make better decisions, and maybe then the free service can resume. But now, a hard no.
Deborah B 8 months ago
Kids should be allowed to have their own "special" toys that are not shared as well as sharing toys. Not all property is communual, and people are allowed to have boundries about lending treasured possessions. Notice that the daughter isn't made to share her special plushies. I do think it's important that the child be able to follow rules, and the parents support discipline instead of undercutting it. Especially on a farm. Climb over the wrong fence, go into the wrong stall, walk up behind a horse, or play on farm equipment, and a child can get seriously hurt. Farms are not safe for children who can't be taught to follow safety precautions.
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
Then you keep your treasured possessions at home. You don't travel with them.
Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds 8 months ago
If you want to know who is raising entitled future Karens and Kens, just look to the YTA and ESH comments above.
Pixie T 8 months ago
Wow, misbehaving and not following rules can be dangerous enough in a regular home, but on a farm the potential risk factor is ten fold. OP has shown great patience and restraint with her in laws. The child is perhaps not the best behaved but it isn't his fault he was raised this way.
Lori T Wisconsin 8 months ago
OP said the boy is four and a half years old. Get his butt in 4K kindergarten or some other school?.
Robin Roper 8 months ago (edited)
OP needs to not keep this child again, even for an evening. Her solid and totally reasonable rules are incompatible with her SIL & BIL's. As someone who has a BS & and an MS in Child Development as well as MAEd in Counseling, I can say wholeheartedly, these parents are raising a brat who will have a very hard time in any structured learning environment. OP needs to live her best life with her child and move on. BTW - the child isn't lazy, he's manipulative.
Tommy DePaul 7 months ago
Start a Go Fund Me account to pay for mom to visit her evil child in jail. Because that's where he's headed.
Mary Allan 8 months ago
I think being forced to share, particularly for a neurodivergent child, can be traumatic and damaging and sometimes individual circumstances need to be taken into account. However, I'm not a psychologist, a parent or a behaviour expert.
Sparkle 8 months ago
True but a child needs to learn to share. They can't be given special treatment because as they get older they are going to have to share.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 6 months ago
I would have told SIL, "Our parenting styles are not compatible and I will be unable to watch your son after XXX date" and give her a few days notice.
J. Maxx 8 months ago
Oh, look, a story where a child is disciplined with TIME OUTS instead of being punched and hit with a full water bottle. See, you don't have to abuse children to discipline them. This to the a******s from the other story where the woman puched and hit the child for caller her Miss Piggy and fat, and though she was justified.
Emilu 8 months ago
Does he have any diagnosable issues, or is he just misbehaving for the sake of it? If the former, I could understand giving him some more slack, but if the latter, no way. And really, at the end of the day; your house, your rules. If you want to kick him out because he’s not blue and looks like a Smurf for example, you should be allowed to. (Not that I would exactly condone that.)
Trillian 8 months ago
No, they are not. That is pretty normal here. Kids can have their own special thing, like a stuffed animal, tha's not for sharing. But if you bring toys to playdates or preschool or whatever, you share. If he doesn't like that, he needs to leave the toy at home and play when he's alone.
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