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Biased Parents See It As “Duty” To Help Their Son With $30k For Home, Refuse To Help Daughter In The Same Way
Parents should treat all their children equally, or else it might cause resentment and conflicts between the siblings. The problem is that adults don’t seem to realize that they are playing favorites, and also don’t like being called out on their behavior.
This is exactly what happened when a woman realized that her parents thought of her brother as their golden boy and were willing to help him out financially, but weren’t open to doing the same for her. That’s why she eventually decided to take strong action against them.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
When parents play favorites, it’s ultimately the kids who suffer the consequences
Image credits: 1cE_ / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her parents had gifted her unmarried older brother $30,000 to buy a house so that he could be considered a marriageable prospect
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman didn’t have any issues about the gift, and when she found a house she liked and wanted to buy, she decided to ask her parents for $30,000 as well
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman was shocked when her parents refused to give her the money, especially since they had so willingly given the same amount to her brother for no reason
Image credits: grustock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The parents justified their actions by saying that their son needed the house to seem marriageable, whereas she didn’t have the same issue
Image credits: pressedpages
Since the woman couldn’t do anything about her parents’ favoritism toward her brother, she decided to go no-contact with them
The poster made it clear that her parents always seemed to favor her brother, even though he had no savings, was in a string of broken relationships, and relied on them for everything. Since he was their only son and could carry on their family name, they treated him like a golden boy, no matter what he did.
According to mental health experts, when parents show clear favoritism towards one of their children, it can lead to a lot of resentment between siblings. This is often due to the fact that one kid might be given more resources, help, and preferential treatment, while the other is forced to manage things on their own.
This is exactly how the situation had been for the OP, who had helped her parents out from a young age, translated documents for them, filled out immigration papers, and managed her own life independently. Unfortunately, her parents seemed to have some kind of gender bias because they always put their son first.
Although it might seem obvious that adults should treat all of their children equally, research has found that parents often show unconscious bias when raising boys and girls. This inequality might start right from the beginning in the form of toys, resources, time spent with them, and even education, which seems like what the OP’s parents had been doing.
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Even though the poster knew that her parents treated her and her brother differently, she was shocked when they refused to give her $30,000, just like they had given her sibling. They had, in fact, given him the money without him even having to ask, just so that he could have a home and seem more marriageable.
According to experts, parents often tend to financially favor one kid over the other, and this might happen subconsciously, especially if they don’t keep track of their investment in each child. This kind of bias might create tension in the family once the kids grow up and realize what’s happening.
That’s exactly how the woman felt when she found out that her parents weren’t going to have her back as they did for her brother. They were only willing to give her $3,000 and expected her to manage the rest on her own. They also justified their actions by saying that he needed a home so that women would want to marry him, and that she didn’t need anything like that.
Unfortunately, nobody else seemed to understand how unfairly the poster had been treated, and her relatives began calling her “selfish” and “greedy” just for ranting about her parents. That’s why she eventually decided to cut contact with them because they didn’t seem to want to support her anyway.
What do you think about the parents’ refusal to help out their daughter? Do share your thoughts on this situation, and how you would have handled it.
People sided with the poster and advised her to move out of their house since they didn’t seem to be on her side
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What do you think ?
Sparky Hughes 13 hours ago
This really boils my blood for a few reasons. I think it s***s when immigrants move to another country “for a better life” but want to drag antiquated and prohibitive customs with them. And I have a “boy” mom. I did very good in school, took loans for college, was on my own at 18 because s***w giving my mom rent and being her free nanny. She never helped me but the boys, no problem. She actually accused me of going to college and putting myself in debt as a way to make my brothers look bad. I’m still angry about that and not because of the monetary issues now. I’m angry because she still tries to make me small and lie to boost them up. She even accused my dad of hating my brothers because I did well in school. I still feel hurt because of the years of damage to my self esteem and the years of therapy it took to get over extreme imposter syndrome and being raised by a NPD mom. Although I don’t expect much, it still stung to not be acknowledged at Christmas with a card, call or text.
Lee Gilliland 7 hours ago
I am so sorry you went through that. It was bad enough that my sister was like this guy, it must have been 100% worse with the male card being played.
Load More Replies...
Tabitha 14 hours ago (edited)
Just finance the extra $28,000.00 as part of your mortgage. You’ll have 30 years to pay it off, and you can always refinance it at a lower interest rate once you have two years of equity in it. Believe me, there will come a time when your mortgage payment, even with the extra you financed, will be a drop in the bucket compared to now, because the amount will stay the same, but your salary will go up as you advance at work. Just be sure to pick a house in an area that isn’t slated to drastically change in the next five or ten years (become incorporated for businesses or have a busy highway built right down the middle of it, or something that will drive property values into the basement), gain a chunk of equity in the property, and either keep it to rent, or sell it and buy another, better house. Either way, get TF out of your parents’ house, because they will always find some excuse to treat you badly, guilt trip you, bleed you dry of your salary, and keep you as their free nursemaid forever. That will suck the very life right out of you. Get out, put them on a strict information diet—-even if you have to make it a starvation diet—-and start living your own life.
carmenagnes 7 hours ago
I get paid over 220 Bucks per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. i never thought i'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 15k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. the potential with this is endless..., COPY HERE➤➤ 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗝𝗼𝗯𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺
Load More Replies... Sparky Hughes 13 hours ago
This really boils my blood for a few reasons. I think it s***s when immigrants move to another country “for a better life” but want to drag antiquated and prohibitive customs with them. And I have a “boy” mom. I did very good in school, took loans for college, was on my own at 18 because s***w giving my mom rent and being her free nanny. She never helped me but the boys, no problem. She actually accused me of going to college and putting myself in debt as a way to make my brothers look bad. I’m still angry about that and not because of the monetary issues now. I’m angry because she still tries to make me small and lie to boost them up. She even accused my dad of hating my brothers because I did well in school. I still feel hurt because of the years of damage to my self esteem and the years of therapy it took to get over extreme imposter syndrome and being raised by a NPD mom. Although I don’t expect much, it still stung to not be acknowledged at Christmas with a card, call or text.
Lee Gilliland 7 hours ago
I am so sorry you went through that. It was bad enough that my sister was like this guy, it must have been 100% worse with the male card being played.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 14 hours ago (edited)
Just finance the extra $28,000.00 as part of your mortgage. You’ll have 30 years to pay it off, and you can always refinance it at a lower interest rate once you have two years of equity in it. Believe me, there will come a time when your mortgage payment, even with the extra you financed, will be a drop in the bucket compared to now, because the amount will stay the same, but your salary will go up as you advance at work. Just be sure to pick a house in an area that isn’t slated to drastically change in the next five or ten years (become incorporated for businesses or have a busy highway built right down the middle of it, or something that will drive property values into the basement), gain a chunk of equity in the property, and either keep it to rent, or sell it and buy another, better house. Either way, get TF out of your parents’ house, because they will always find some excuse to treat you badly, guilt trip you, bleed you dry of your salary, and keep you as their free nursemaid forever. That will suck the very life right out of you. Get out, put them on a strict information diet—-even if you have to make it a starvation diet—-and start living your own life.
carmenagnes 7 hours ago
I get paid over 220 Bucks per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. i never thought i'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 15k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. the potential with this is endless..., COPY HERE➤➤ 𝗟𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗝𝗼𝗯𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺
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