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Woman Refuses To Alter Her Long-Standing Party Tradition For Her BF And His Kids, He Turns Vicious
End-of-summer parties are a delicate balance of good friends, good food, and making sure no one’s kid falls into the pool. Introducing a new partner into this well-oiled machine is the ultimate test: will they get the vibe, or will they be the one who double-dips in the guacamole?
For u/Cherry-Oatmeal, her beloved party tradition met its greatest foe: a new boyfriend with a different rulebook. He didn’t just want to attend the party; he wanted to edit the script, change the main event, and get a producer credit. When she refused to change her long-standing plans, he turned a festive night into a full-blown relationship debate.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
End-of-summer parties are a sacred ritual, the last hurrah before schedules and sweaters take over
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For one user, her long-standing tradition turned sour when her new boyfriend declined the invitation, feeling uncomfortable with the kids’ sleeping arrangements
Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But things took a turn when he claimed her refusal to change the tradition meant he wasn’t truly welcome
Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The party went as planned, but her boyfriend was also hurt that she didn’t call him while hosting the party
Image credits: Cherry-Oatmeal
He argued she should have left her own party early just to accommodate him and his kids
For years, the OP has hosted the perfect end-of-summer bash for her neighbors and their kids. It’s a simple, genius setup: the kids party, then go to sleep at her house right next door. This allows the adults to continue the fun while she keeps an eye on everything. It’s a flawless system she’s perfected over the years.
This year, she invited her new boyfriend of six months and his kids to join the legendary event. He declined, citing a list of concerns: his kids hadn’t slept there before and he disliked the idea of partying while they slept. The woman was totally understanding and told him it was no problem at all. Case closed, right? Wrong.
Instead of accepting her understanding, the boyfriend got upset and pulled the “we’re not truly welcome” card. He argued that she should have offered to change her long-standing tradition to accommodate his specific needs. In his view, the correct move would have been for her to leave her own party early with him.
The party went on without him, but the drama was far from over. Her boyfriend was now also hurt that she didn’t call him during the event she was busy hosting. She was focused on her guests, but he felt she should have made time. A simple party has now become a major test of their six-month relationship.
Image credits: evabonda32 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This incident highlights a classic blended family challenge: merging traditions. As Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., writes for HelpGuide, families have different routines, and the best approach is to “find some common ground or create new traditions for your blended family.” The boyfriend isn’t suggesting a compromise; he’s asking her to abandon her tradition to fit his family’s needs, creating a power struggle instead of a partnership.
While his concern for his kids is valid, his anger points to a different issue. Seth Meyers, Psy.D., notes in Psychology Today that parents must focus on the “child’s emotional needs as opposed to indulging their own anxiety.” By getting upset that she didn’t change the party or call him, his focus shifted from his children’s comfort to his own feelings of being excluded from her established life.
The online jury didn’t even need to deliberate, handing the woman a unanimous “Not the Jerk” verdict. Commenters were baffled by the boyfriend’s logic, pointing out that he had a simple solution: come for the fun part and leave at bedtime. Instead, he chose drama, with one user noting, “He’s right to set a boundary for himself and his children, but he doesn’t get to dictate yours.”
So, who do you think committed the real party foul here: the host who stuck to her tradition, or the boyfriend who tried to RSVP “no” for everyone?
Online commenters overwhelmingly side with the host, labeling her boyfriend’s behavior as a major red flag
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What do you think ?
Rika 3 months ago
His kids are 5 and 7, and he shares a bed with them ?? And he wants OP to sleep in the bed with him *and* the kids ? Without even thinking of inappropriate things, this is extremely weird and it does make him look like a controlling AH. Unless they have a serious medical condition that requires them to be watched 24/7, there's no reason for kids that age to share a bed with their parents.
Tyke 3 months ago (edited)
I stayed at my friend's house last week with my 7 year old. She has a 7 year old. Mine has never slept there before and agreed to stay only if he could share my bed. The other 7 year old has severe ADHD and Autism and has violent outbursts so understandably mine didn't want to share a room with him. So, in my mind, there's just one example of a kid that age to share a bed with their parent.
Load More Replies...
PeakyBlinder 3 months ago
Weird and not worth the Drama. Why didnt he just go home with his kids at their bedtime?
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
Because he’s manipulative, controlling, and an аsshole. (A 47-year-old demanding a party host stop hosting to phone him made me laugh, though!)
Load More Replies...
Deborah B 3 months ago
This guy is trying to control her - he could have come to the party, then left with his kids at bedtime. He could have put the kids down at her place, and stayed with them until they were asleep knowing that he would be literally only in the back yard if they woke up. He could have not attended because it didn't suit him, and wished her a fun evening. But no, he wants her to cancel, or leave her own party, and when she doesn't he expects her to ignore her guests to talk on her phone with him all evening. It comes off as controlling, plus he's still co-sleeping when the kids are school age. This guy is too controlling, and the co-sleeping is over-attatched parenting.
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
This is not weird. this man controls the narrative or it doesn't exist. good job on OP 86ing this fast.
TheReader19 3 months ago
I think it's time to end this relationship before things take a turn for the worse.
Bailey 3 months ago
Not sure if I just missed it somewhere, but why do they need to sleep there? I think it's reasonable that if they have only been dating 6 months he doesn't feel comfortable to leave a 5 year old alone in a house they don't know with other kids they do not know (not even just from a safety point of view, but in case they go wandering or get into something they shouldn't). But why could they not attend the party, then when it's bed time both him and the kids can go to their own home. Seems odd both sides seem to be focused on either the kids sleep there, or none of them can attend the party at all
JB 3 months ago
OP wasn’t focused on that at all. She was merely recounting what *he* said about refusing to come if she didn’t leave her own party early to sleep with him and (apparently) the kids. Pretty sure she wouldn’t have been bothered if he said he’d be there until kids’ bedtime then take them home to his place.
Load More Replies...
Craig Reynolds 3 months ago
He sounds like a narcissist with a sprinkling of closeness with children. Op needs to dump this one ASAP.
Rika 3 months ago
His kids are 5 and 7, and he shares a bed with them ?? And he wants OP to sleep in the bed with him *and* the kids ? Without even thinking of inappropriate things, this is extremely weird and it does make him look like a controlling AH. Unless they have a serious medical condition that requires them to be watched 24/7, there's no reason for kids that age to share a bed with their parents.
Tyke 3 months ago (edited)
I stayed at my friend's house last week with my 7 year old. She has a 7 year old. Mine has never slept there before and agreed to stay only if he could share my bed. The other 7 year old has severe ADHD and Autism and has violent outbursts so understandably mine didn't want to share a room with him. So, in my mind, there's just one example of a kid that age to share a bed with their parent.
Load More Replies... PeakyBlinder 3 months ago
Weird and not worth the Drama. Why didnt he just go home with his kids at their bedtime?
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
Because he’s manipulative, controlling, and an аsshole. (A 47-year-old demanding a party host stop hosting to phone him made me laugh, though!)
Load More Replies... Deborah B 3 months ago
This guy is trying to control her - he could have come to the party, then left with his kids at bedtime. He could have put the kids down at her place, and stayed with them until they were asleep knowing that he would be literally only in the back yard if they woke up. He could have not attended because it didn't suit him, and wished her a fun evening. But no, he wants her to cancel, or leave her own party, and when she doesn't he expects her to ignore her guests to talk on her phone with him all evening. It comes off as controlling, plus he's still co-sleeping when the kids are school age. This guy is too controlling, and the co-sleeping is over-attatched parenting.
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
This is not weird. this man controls the narrative or it doesn't exist. good job on OP 86ing this fast.
TheReader19 3 months ago
I think it's time to end this relationship before things take a turn for the worse.
Bailey 3 months ago
Not sure if I just missed it somewhere, but why do they need to sleep there? I think it's reasonable that if they have only been dating 6 months he doesn't feel comfortable to leave a 5 year old alone in a house they don't know with other kids they do not know (not even just from a safety point of view, but in case they go wandering or get into something they shouldn't). But why could they not attend the party, then when it's bed time both him and the kids can go to their own home. Seems odd both sides seem to be focused on either the kids sleep there, or none of them can attend the party at all
JB 3 months ago
OP wasn’t focused on that at all. She was merely recounting what *he* said about refusing to come if she didn’t leave her own party early to sleep with him and (apparently) the kids. Pretty sure she wouldn’t have been bothered if he said he’d be there until kids’ bedtime then take them home to his place.
Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds 3 months ago
He sounds like a narcissist with a sprinkling of closeness with children. Op needs to dump this one ASAP.
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