Bride Wants To Keep The Reasoning Behind Alcohol-Free Wedding Secret, Friends Put Her Under Fire
People tend to have expectations—whether it’s a book or a party—which makes a wedding no exception. And on this big day, quite a few people might expect to raise a glass.
Such expectations are likely one of the reasons the redditor u/Ok_Cartographer_7439 didn’t receive much support from the AITA community. The bride-to-be asked if she was a jerk for planning a dry wedding but not telling the guests about it, and the internet voted yes. Scroll down for the full story and some of the redditors’ reactions.
Even if just a glass of champagne, alcohol is often expected at weddings
Image credits: IslandHopper X (not the actual photo)
This bride-to-be decided to have a dry wedding but didn’t tell her guests about it
Image credits: not the actual photo
Image credits:Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Cartographer_7439
The majority of people seem to prefer weddings that serve alcohol over dry ones
Unless told otherwise, guests typically expect there to be alcohol when attending a wedding. Not only that, statistics show that that’s what they prefer; a survey of 1000 Americans revealed that 53% of them would rather opt for an alcohol-stocked wedding than a dry one.
But the US is far from the only country where people might want to raise a glass celebrating the union of their loved ones. Countries all over the world have all sorts of alcohol-related wedding customs, whether it’s what one consumes—‘Tears of the Bride’ (Bruidstranen) in the Netherlands, for instance—or how (from a traditional Nuernberg Bridal Cup; in Germany, at least).
With many people expecting to get boozed up at a wedding, it shouldn’t be surprising that the redditors deemed the OP a jerk, but not necessarily for not serving alcohol; some emphasized that it was more about not informing the guests about the couple’s decision.
Image credits: Magda Ehlers (not the actual photo)
If you’re planning on having an alcohol-free wedding, it might be best to say so on the invite
The Knot seconded the idea that if you’re planning on having an alcohol-free wedding, it might be beneficial to make it clear beforehand. Whether that changes people’s views on attending the celebration or not, it helps with setting the right expectations.
“Try phrasing it in an informative and inviting way, such as: ‘We are delighted to share this special day with you and kindly ask that no alcoholic beverages are brought to ensure a safe and enjoyable celebration for all of us,'” the owner of Tinted Events Design and Planning, Jacqueline Vizcaino, shared with The Knot.
Whether it’s a dry wedding or not, bringing your own alcoholic beverages is considered rude, unless that’s what it says on the invite; if you receive one with the abbreviation BYOB—Bring Your Own Bottle/Booze—make sure to stock up. But that wasn’t the case with the OP’s wedding. Moreover, they told the venue that there’s going to be no alcohol, meaning that the happy couple would have to pay up for any ‘illegally’ opened bottles.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
It’s worth keeping in mind that the wedding day should be all about the happy couple
The OP had her reasons for choosing an alcohol-free celebration; and—no matter the reason—a growing number of people seem to be interested in such an option as well. Good Morning America pointed out that the use of the ‘drywedding’ hashtag has been on the rise (with over 3 million views on TikTok) and that, according to the wedding registry website Zola, roughly 4% of happy couples are expected to have a dry wedding in 2023.
Zola’s director of communications, Emily Forrest, told Good Morning America that it’s important to respect the decision of the soon-to-be-wed. “Guests need to keep in mind that the wedding is really about the couple getting married and it’s how they’ve chosen to celebrate their special day. And that may or may not involve alcohol.” Some of the redditors, opposing the majority’s views, expressed a similar sentiment in the comments under the OP’s post.
Bored Panda has reached out to the OP via Reddit and will update the article once we’ve heard back from her.
Image credits: Bashir Olawoyin (not the actual photo)
The redditor provided more information in the comments
Some redditors thought the bride was in the wrong here for one reason or another
A few people emphasized that it’s more about informing the guests rather than serving alcohol itself
Others believed the OP was not a jerk in the situation
Update after reading the comments
Alcoholic here. I tell it to people willingly. If someone wants to judge me, fine. I think it's better than keeping it a secret or lying about it. There's not a single perfect person on this planet. Edited to add that I am proud to say hubby and I are sober since March '22. 👍👍👍
fist bump. Ex dope head here. almost 20 years clean. I can't even get blood drawn on my left arm from all the ruined veins but now needles give me the squicks which makes me happy! I am not ashamed either. I survived, I learned and moved on. Life is hard. s**t happens. big ups to you and your hubby
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She could stick with her past story and tell people she's allergic, she could come clean and say she's a recovering alcoholic (if they judge that, are they truly friends?). I think what she chooses to do is entirely up to her. However, not telling people it's a dry wedding is an AH move, that will p*ss people off. If anything, people will assume there will be alcohol, they will book hotels and cabs accordingly... if they know it's a dry wedding they can save all that expense and drive
That's a really good point. People might not mind that there's no alcohol, but that they spent money on the expectation to be too drunk to drive!
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If people are that upset about not drinking at a wedding then they are not there for the right reasons and you don't need them in your life. A wedding is there to celebrate and witness to the union of the couple. It is not there to be a p**s-up and if you can't have a good vibe and fun without drinking, then you have some serious resocialisation to do. I think it would be better to tell everyone why because it will be important for people to know if they continue to share social situations, but honestly, if someone says 'no alc' and doesn't want to talk about it, it is clear that there is something important going on and it is polite to wait until they are ready to talk about it. I am amazed at the tone-deafness of their social group. Really, it should be the other way around: a warning if alc is being served so that people can plan their transport options and in case someone else has issues they are not wanting to lay open yet.
Agree, why is it such a big deal, that one can't drink for one night? Like you can't party or be festive without. Why would one spend hundreds of dollars (like a comment said) and travel far, just to drink at a wedding? Better spend like 20 dollars on a few bottles of wine, stay at home and get pissed. How would one think having drunk people at a wedding is funny anyway?
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Alcoholic here. I tell it to people willingly. If someone wants to judge me, fine. I think it's better than keeping it a secret or lying about it. There's not a single perfect person on this planet. Edited to add that I am proud to say hubby and I are sober since March '22. 👍👍👍
fist bump. Ex dope head here. almost 20 years clean. I can't even get blood drawn on my left arm from all the ruined veins but now needles give me the squicks which makes me happy! I am not ashamed either. I survived, I learned and moved on. Life is hard. s**t happens. big ups to you and your hubby
Load More Replies... She could stick with her past story and tell people she's allergic, she could come clean and say she's a recovering alcoholic (if they judge that, are they truly friends?). I think what she chooses to do is entirely up to her. However, not telling people it's a dry wedding is an AH move, that will p*ss people off. If anything, people will assume there will be alcohol, they will book hotels and cabs accordingly... if they know it's a dry wedding they can save all that expense and drive
That's a really good point. People might not mind that there's no alcohol, but that they spent money on the expectation to be too drunk to drive!
Load More Replies... If people are that upset about not drinking at a wedding then they are not there for the right reasons and you don't need them in your life. A wedding is there to celebrate and witness to the union of the couple. It is not there to be a p**s-up and if you can't have a good vibe and fun without drinking, then you have some serious resocialisation to do. I think it would be better to tell everyone why because it will be important for people to know if they continue to share social situations, but honestly, if someone says 'no alc' and doesn't want to talk about it, it is clear that there is something important going on and it is polite to wait until they are ready to talk about it. I am amazed at the tone-deafness of their social group. Really, it should be the other way around: a warning if alc is being served so that people can plan their transport options and in case someone else has issues they are not wanting to lay open yet.
Agree, why is it such a big deal, that one can't drink for one night? Like you can't party or be festive without. Why would one spend hundreds of dollars (like a comment said) and travel far, just to drink at a wedding? Better spend like 20 dollars on a few bottles of wine, stay at home and get pissed. How would one think having drunk people at a wedding is funny anyway?
Load More Replies...
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