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Hey Pandas, AITA For Thinking My Mom Reported My SIL To CPS Behind Our Backs?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
A bit of background: A few months ago, my brother was experiencing serious mental health issues and problems with substance abuse. During one of his stays in the hospital, my sister-in-law (SIL) was struggling to manage their three children on her own. One night, while dealing with the usual routine of making dinner and getting the kids ready for bed, the eldest child had an outburst. In frustration, my SIL accidentally pushed the child, who then fell to the ground and injured their wrist. The next day, my SIL took the child for an X-ray, which revealed a minor fracture.
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At that time, my brother wasn’t thinking clearly and relayed the story to our mother, who immediately assumed it was a case of abuse
Image credits: Manny Becerra (not the actual photo)
It’s worth mentioning that my mother doesn’t particularly like my SIL and takes every opportunity to badmouth her. She also believes it’s entirely my SIL’s fault that my brother was experiencing mental health issues in the first place.
Fast forward to now: My brother has gotten sober and sought the professional help he needed. I’m so proud of how far he’s come
Image credits: The Unmistakables (not the actual photo)
Today, my SIL told me that she recently received a call regarding a report of concern for the welfare of her child, specifically about the wrist injury
Image credits: Paul Hanaoka (not the actual photo)
A “concerned” family member made this report. My husband and I are absolutely horrified that someone, especially a family member, would make such an accusation during such a rough and low period in their lives. My SIL suspects that either my sister or mother made the call. I personally believe it was my mother.
My question is, AITAH for wanting to know who made this call to CPS, or should I leave it to my brother to confront the person who did this and ask why?
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
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What do you think ?
Min 1 year ago
She got frustrated and broke her child's wrist. That is abuse. Very few child abusers actually set out to do so. As Libstak wrote, abuse is often caused by frustration.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
As a child who was frequently shoved, pushed, and thrown across the room by my mother when she was "frustrated" or "angry": yes! This is ABUSE. This is not an ACCIDENT.
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Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
She did act in frustration. OK yes, we all are capable of that but please do realise abuse is commonly about frustration too. I am sure she will cooperate well with CPS and they can also help her with the stress of dealing with your brother. These things go bad when CPS is treated as the enemy rather than the facilitator of a better outcome. Whoever reported her will be best disappointed if she embraces the opportunity of assistance that can be provided, her mental health deserves some care too and I am sure she is smart and loving enough to embrace the chance to get the best out of a bad situation. I hope she gets all the love support and courage she needs in trying to look after the mental health of her husband and the well being of her children as well as looking after herself, she so very much deserves it.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
I agree with your suggestion that she use CPS as a resource to get help. However it's important to clarify that she didn't ACCIDENTALLY push her child in frustration, she became frustrated and pushed her child. She had a moment of frustration in which she couldn't control her anger or actions and that's a problem. An accident is walking around a corner, not looking where you're going, bumping into your child and they fall down and break their wrist...that's an example of an accident. Just because you lost control of yourself in the moment and immediately regretted your actions does not make physically hurting someone an accident. She may have not meant to hurt her child but they aren't any less hurt. Good intentions cannot undo a broken wrist or the emotional damage of being physically hurt by a parent, especially with another parent in the hospital. Whoever called CPS did the right thing because mom needs to be able to handle even extreme emotions and traumatic situations without getting physical with her children. Life gets rough and sometimes when you think it can't possibly get any rougher it does and then it gets rougher still...There are a lot of ppl dealing with horribly stressful almost impossible situations but there is no excuse to get physical, especially with someone whose care and well being is in your hands.
Load More Replies...
Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
You should leave it to the system to deal with this. Your SIL has a reasonable position (indeed, surprised the hospital wasn't required to report).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
Hospitals are required to report suspected abuse. If the injury and story didnt seem like abuse to them, they wouldnt have reported it
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Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
Accidentally pushed him. The child fell to the ground. THEY hurt THEIR wrist. Nothing to do with the mom, passive language. It's all the kids fault the way you wrote it. If your brother get's frustrated with how hard life is in recovery and snapped and punched your sister in the face, would you chalk it up to him being overwhelmed? That he did it by accident? That he didn't mean to hurt her? That she fell and hit her head on the table and broke her own nose? That she shouldn't have set him off? That he's not that type, that it will never happen again? Or would you worry that this was the start of abuse?
123XYZ 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, and the "accident" was caused by frustration. Frustration may make me angry and make me do stupid s**t, but it hasn't yet caused me to have convulsions and accidentally push anyone. She pushed the kid on purpose and accidentally broke his wrist. She was then so afraid of getting in trouble she didn't have the kid's injury checked until the next day. She need help dealing with the stress in her life better than she has been. She's in a tough situation, but she needs to do better.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
What a load of absolute BS. Your precious SIL didn't "accidentally" push her eldest child. How do you "accidentally" push a child? Answer: you don't. Accidentally pushing someone is when you don't know someone is there or around the corner from you and you walk into them or shove them without seeing them. If your SIL was "frustrated" at her child's "outburst", she absolutely KNEW where her child was. Your SIL pushed her own child down out of anger and frustration, no matter WHY she was frustrated, and caused the child's bone to break. As a child I was frequently pushed, shoved, thrown across the room, and hit by my mother. Was she "frustrated"? Absolutely. Was it ever an "accident"? Absolutely not. Congratulations, you're covering up for someone who harmed their child on purpose. Your SIL may not be a constant abuser, but lashing out and shoving your child to the ground so hard that it results in a BROKEN BONE is abuse, not an "accident". Stop your personal vendetta and your delusions.
Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
I notice you aren't saying taht anyone LIED to CPS or exagerrated. They just "snitched" right? They told CPS the truth- your sister lashed out in anger at her children, physically lashed out and hurt her own child. You don't "accidentally" push a child in frustration. She lashed out irrationally out of anger, without thinking it through. It was a human moment, a snap of anger. But it was NOT an accident. She got angry and lashed out at her child. And the child broke a bone as a result. You are giving her the benefit of the doubt, which is understandable. Other people see what she literally, physically did and go "oh dear, if it happened once..." and are worried for those kids. So many people who hit kids and continue to hit kids will explain they didn't mean to. The kids made them mad. They were overwhelmed. They were frustrated and angry.
Undercover 1 year ago (edited)
CPS are not the bad guys. If everything is great in your family, they'll leave you alone. But a dad who's a druggie and a mom who loses it's temper to the point of injurying a child doesn't sound exactly healthy for the kids. Adults CAN process a phase as a temporary time filled with difficutlies, but small kids don't have this ability yet. When they're miserable, they suffer miserably. It engraves in their brains.
Undercover 1 year ago
Edit: most of the time nobody reports child abuse, even if the circumstances are horrible. The kids are blessed because there's at least one person looking out for them. Ffs, adults can fight for themselves. Children can't. Nobody looked out for me as I was little... ☹️
Load More Replies... Anony Mouse 1 year ago
Lots of things can happen by accident - grabbing a child about to fall down a flight of stairs can dislocate an elbow or shoulder - doctors are used to seeing this, and dealing with the hysterical parents who are sure they're about to be arrested for abuse. Fingers and hands get shut in doors. Little hands grab hot things. They are trained to see signs of abuse, and ask leading questions to determine what happened. This is abuse - and tacit complicity.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
You don't accidentally push someone in frustration. If they were frustrated they abused their child and broke their arm. Having a father with substance abuse problems and a mother who breaks their bones? Yikes, CPS needs to be involved
Roe 9 months ago
you can accidently push someone in fustration! I did that to my little sister before! Lucky she wasn't hurt badly!
Load More Replies... Min 1 year ago
She got frustrated and broke her child's wrist. That is abuse. Very few child abusers actually set out to do so. As Libstak wrote, abuse is often caused by frustration.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
As a child who was frequently shoved, pushed, and thrown across the room by my mother when she was "frustrated" or "angry": yes! This is ABUSE. This is not an ACCIDENT.
Load More Replies... Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
She did act in frustration. OK yes, we all are capable of that but please do realise abuse is commonly about frustration too. I am sure she will cooperate well with CPS and they can also help her with the stress of dealing with your brother. These things go bad when CPS is treated as the enemy rather than the facilitator of a better outcome. Whoever reported her will be best disappointed if she embraces the opportunity of assistance that can be provided, her mental health deserves some care too and I am sure she is smart and loving enough to embrace the chance to get the best out of a bad situation. I hope she gets all the love support and courage she needs in trying to look after the mental health of her husband and the well being of her children as well as looking after herself, she so very much deserves it.
Ms.GB 1 year ago (edited)
I agree with your suggestion that she use CPS as a resource to get help. However it's important to clarify that she didn't ACCIDENTALLY push her child in frustration, she became frustrated and pushed her child. She had a moment of frustration in which she couldn't control her anger or actions and that's a problem. An accident is walking around a corner, not looking where you're going, bumping into your child and they fall down and break their wrist...that's an example of an accident. Just because you lost control of yourself in the moment and immediately regretted your actions does not make physically hurting someone an accident. She may have not meant to hurt her child but they aren't any less hurt. Good intentions cannot undo a broken wrist or the emotional damage of being physically hurt by a parent, especially with another parent in the hospital. Whoever called CPS did the right thing because mom needs to be able to handle even extreme emotions and traumatic situations without getting physical with her children. Life gets rough and sometimes when you think it can't possibly get any rougher it does and then it gets rougher still...There are a lot of ppl dealing with horribly stressful almost impossible situations but there is no excuse to get physical, especially with someone whose care and well being is in your hands.
Load More Replies... Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
You should leave it to the system to deal with this. Your SIL has a reasonable position (indeed, surprised the hospital wasn't required to report).
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 year ago
Hospitals are required to report suspected abuse. If the injury and story didnt seem like abuse to them, they wouldnt have reported it
Load More Replies... Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
Accidentally pushed him. The child fell to the ground. THEY hurt THEIR wrist. Nothing to do with the mom, passive language. It's all the kids fault the way you wrote it. If your brother get's frustrated with how hard life is in recovery and snapped and punched your sister in the face, would you chalk it up to him being overwhelmed? That he did it by accident? That he didn't mean to hurt her? That she fell and hit her head on the table and broke her own nose? That she shouldn't have set him off? That he's not that type, that it will never happen again? Or would you worry that this was the start of abuse?
123XYZ 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, and the "accident" was caused by frustration. Frustration may make me angry and make me do stupid s**t, but it hasn't yet caused me to have convulsions and accidentally push anyone. She pushed the kid on purpose and accidentally broke his wrist. She was then so afraid of getting in trouble she didn't have the kid's injury checked until the next day. She need help dealing with the stress in her life better than she has been. She's in a tough situation, but she needs to do better.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
What a load of absolute BS. Your precious SIL didn't "accidentally" push her eldest child. How do you "accidentally" push a child? Answer: you don't. Accidentally pushing someone is when you don't know someone is there or around the corner from you and you walk into them or shove them without seeing them. If your SIL was "frustrated" at her child's "outburst", she absolutely KNEW where her child was. Your SIL pushed her own child down out of anger and frustration, no matter WHY she was frustrated, and caused the child's bone to break. As a child I was frequently pushed, shoved, thrown across the room, and hit by my mother. Was she "frustrated"? Absolutely. Was it ever an "accident"? Absolutely not. Congratulations, you're covering up for someone who harmed their child on purpose. Your SIL may not be a constant abuser, but lashing out and shoving your child to the ground so hard that it results in a BROKEN BONE is abuse, not an "accident". Stop your personal vendetta and your delusions.
Meagan Glaser 1 year ago
I notice you aren't saying taht anyone LIED to CPS or exagerrated. They just "snitched" right? They told CPS the truth- your sister lashed out in anger at her children, physically lashed out and hurt her own child. You don't "accidentally" push a child in frustration. She lashed out irrationally out of anger, without thinking it through. It was a human moment, a snap of anger. But it was NOT an accident. She got angry and lashed out at her child. And the child broke a bone as a result. You are giving her the benefit of the doubt, which is understandable. Other people see what she literally, physically did and go "oh dear, if it happened once..." and are worried for those kids. So many people who hit kids and continue to hit kids will explain they didn't mean to. The kids made them mad. They were overwhelmed. They were frustrated and angry.
Undercover 1 year ago (edited)
CPS are not the bad guys. If everything is great in your family, they'll leave you alone. But a dad who's a druggie and a mom who loses it's temper to the point of injurying a child doesn't sound exactly healthy for the kids. Adults CAN process a phase as a temporary time filled with difficutlies, but small kids don't have this ability yet. When they're miserable, they suffer miserably. It engraves in their brains.
Undercover 1 year ago
Edit: most of the time nobody reports child abuse, even if the circumstances are horrible. The kids are blessed because there's at least one person looking out for them. Ffs, adults can fight for themselves. Children can't. Nobody looked out for me as I was little... ☹️
Load More Replies... Anony Mouse 1 year ago
Lots of things can happen by accident - grabbing a child about to fall down a flight of stairs can dislocate an elbow or shoulder - doctors are used to seeing this, and dealing with the hysterical parents who are sure they're about to be arrested for abuse. Fingers and hands get shut in doors. Little hands grab hot things. They are trained to see signs of abuse, and ask leading questions to determine what happened. This is abuse - and tacit complicity.
meeeeeeeeeeee 1 year ago
You don't accidentally push someone in frustration. If they were frustrated they abused their child and broke their arm. Having a father with substance abuse problems and a mother who breaks their bones? Yikes, CPS needs to be involved
Roe 9 months ago
you can accidently push someone in fustration! I did that to my little sister before! Lucky she wasn't hurt badly!
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