Parents Wonder “How Long Can I Continue To Do This?”, Decide To Not Buy Each Kid A Gift

Gifts are a part of the holidays, but as families change, so do their traditions. For Nikki and Marty Tomczak, this year marks a shift as they embrace a new approach to Christmas. Instead of buying something for all of their kids like they used to, the couple has decided to have a Secret Santa to make the season less of a hassle. However, the parents acknowledged that it felt a bit strange, so they asked moms and dads on the Internet to share how they handle presents.

More info: TikTok

We associate Christmas with many things, but gifts are often at the center of our celebration

Woman in a red dress receiving a gift, looking surprised and delighted.

Image credits: Helena Lopes / pexels (not the actual photo)

But when you have multiple (adult) children, it can be challenging to strike a balance between material expectations and the true meaning of the holiday

Parents discussing holiday gift choices for adult kids at home.

Image credits: martyandnikki

“Nikki: Parents of adult children. At what age did you guys start slowing down on Christmas gifts for them?

Marty: Yeah, our kids are 29, 23, 22, and in the last several years, we’ve had a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, a couple grandbabies.

Nikki: So this year, we decided to do a Secret Santa for the first time. So we’re only going to be buying for the little kids, and then we’re only gonna be buying for one adult each, which means we’re not gonna be buying for all of our kids for the first time.”

Parents deciding not to buy each kid a gift, discussing changes in a relaxed setting.

Image credits: martyandnikki

“Marty: Oh, but we’ve been taking good care of them and the bonus kids this entire time.

Nikki: I’ll admit, we’ve been helping with some big things the last couple years. You know, weddings, houses, engagement parties, baby showers, hospital stays, nurseries. Yeah, we’ve been helping with some big things, but it still feels super weird to me not to be buying for each one of the kids. It makes me really happy to see them open 10 things each. I love to buy them things, but how long can I really continue to do this? You know?

Marty: Not for me, I say, f**k these kids. I don’t even know what the hell they’re getting anyway.

Nikki: He’s just kidding.

Marty: No, I’m not.”

Two parents in a home setting reflecting on buying gifts for their kids, questioning financial sustainability.

Image credits: martyandnikki

For many families, Christmas presents become a burden even before their children reach adulthood

Woman in festive sweater holding gift near a Christmas tree with multiple presents.

Image credits: JESHOOTS.com / pexels (not the actual photo)

A 2023 poll by Ipsos found that three-quarters (73%) of parents think that the expectations of how much to spend on children’s Christmas presents have gotten out of control, with a similar proportion (74%) saying that children should be happy with whatever they get.

However, more than half (54%) of parents still feel pressured to get their children the latest toys, gadgets, and clothes to commemorate the occasion.

That is probably because almost half (46%) of parents say they are concerned about their child(ren) being disappointed by the presents they give them, and 44% are concerned about their child(ren) comparing their gifts with those received by friends.

Six in ten (62%) parents are concerned about their ability to afford Christmas presents for their kids, and 40% say they buy at least one of their children’s presents on credit because they couldn’t afford them otherwise.

So hopefully by the time their kids are entering adulthood, families have already had open discussions about finances and expectations, helping children understand that the value of Christmas lies in spending quality time together and not just the gifts.

The couple’s video has since gone viral

@martyandnikki What’s everyone doing for their adult kids this Christmas? #martyandnikki#adultkids#adultkidschristmas#parenting#parentingquestion♬ original sound – Marty & Nikki

And people are pretty much split on the tradition

Comment on buying gifts for kids, expressing commitment with humor.

Comment from a parent about kids earning more, with laughing emojis.

Comment questioning wealth in response to discussion on parents buying gifts.

Comment on gift-giving dilemma: "Should only be the grandkids," with 164 likes.

Comment from user on gift-giving to college kids, expressing budget decisions and financial considerations.

Comment about scaling back on gift-giving, suggesting playing games instead.

Comment about a mom continuing to give gifts to her independent adult children, with 525 likes and a sunset profile picture.

Text comment discussing buying Christmas gifts for kids and grandchildren, reflecting parents' gift-giving decisions.

Comment from a parent about making Easter baskets for adult children, with laughing emojis and 582 likes.

Comment on parenting decisions about gifts, with 1,394 likes.

Social media comment about holiday gifts and family; parents question gift-buying decisions.

Parent comments on choosing not to buy each child a gift, highlighting personal financial choices.

Comment discussing choosing family vacations over buying gifts to reduce stress.

Comment about choosing family vacations over gifts for kids.

Comment discussing parenting decisions about gifts.

Comment expressing dislike for Secret Santa, emphasizing importance of buying children gifts.

Comment expressing a parent's commitment to buying gifts for their kids.

Comment from a parent deciding to stop buying individual gifts for their adult children, opting for family trips instead.

Comment on gift-giving advice with cash alternatives, highlighting parents' decision on holiday spending.

Comment on family gifting: parents opt for Secret Santa once kids turn 18 to save costs as family expands.

Comment about parents prioritizing grandchildren over buying individual gifts, receiving 56 likes.

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