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Parents Wonder “How Long Can I Continue To Do This?”, Decide To Not Buy Each Kid A Gift
Gifts are a part of the holidays, but as families change, so do their traditions. For Nikki and Marty Tomczak, this year marks a shift as they embrace a new approach to Christmas. Instead of buying something for all of their kids like they used to, the couple has decided to have a Secret Santa to make the season less of a hassle. However, the parents acknowledged that it felt a bit strange, so they asked moms and dads on the Internet to share how they handle presents.
More info: TikTok
RELATED:
We associate Christmas with many things, but gifts are often at the center of our celebration
Image credits: Helena Lopes / pexels (not the actual photo)
But when you have multiple (adult) children, it can be challenging to strike a balance between material expectations and the true meaning of the holiday
Image credits: martyandnikki
“Nikki: Parents of adult children. At what age did you guys start slowing down on Christmas gifts for them?
Marty: Yeah, our kids are 29, 23, 22, and in the last several years, we’ve had a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, a couple grandbabies.
Nikki: So this year, we decided to do a Secret Santa for the first time. So we’re only going to be buying for the little kids, and then we’re only gonna be buying for one adult each, which means we’re not gonna be buying for all of our kids for the first time.”
Image credits: martyandnikki
“Marty: Oh, but we’ve been taking good care of them and the bonus kids this entire time.
Nikki: I’ll admit, we’ve been helping with some big things the last couple years. You know, weddings, houses, engagement parties, baby showers, hospital stays, nurseries. Yeah, we’ve been helping with some big things, but it still feels super weird to me not to be buying for each one of the kids. It makes me really happy to see them open 10 things each. I love to buy them things, but how long can I really continue to do this? You know?
Marty: Not for me, I say, f**k these kids. I don’t even know what the hell they’re getting anyway.
Nikki: He’s just kidding.
Marty: No, I’m not.”
Image credits: martyandnikki
For many families, Christmas presents become a burden even before their children reach adulthood
Image credits: JESHOOTS.com / pexels (not the actual photo)
A 2023 poll by Ipsos found that three-quarters (73%) of parents think that the expectations of how much to spend on children’s Christmas presents have gotten out of control, with a similar proportion (74%) saying that children should be happy with whatever they get.
However, more than half (54%) of parents still feel pressured to get their children the latest toys, gadgets, and clothes to commemorate the occasion.
That is probably because almost half (46%) of parents say they are concerned about their child(ren) being disappointed by the presents they give them, and 44% are concerned about their child(ren) comparing their gifts with those received by friends.
Six in ten (62%) parents are concerned about their ability to afford Christmas presents for their kids, and 40% say they buy at least one of their children’s presents on credit because they couldn’t afford them otherwise.
So hopefully by the time their kids are entering adulthood, families have already had open discussions about finances and expectations, helping children understand that the value of Christmas lies in spending quality time together and not just the gifts.
The couple’s video has since gone viral
@martyandnikki What’s everyone doing for their adult kids this Christmas? #martyandnikki#adultkids#adultkidschristmas#parenting#parentingquestion♬ original sound – Marty & Nikki
And people are pretty much split on the tradition
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What do you think ?
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I still grapple with the concept of going into debt because of a one day celebration of a fantasy figure.
sturmwesen 1 year ago
You really don't have to... these 500€/$ gifts are insane. When my sister asked what to gift me besides our traditional christmas tea I proposed my favourit chocolate truffels or a cook book. spolier: she found some from our parents and will gift those to me. That's totally fine. My gift to her is about 30€.
Load More Replies...
arthbach 1 year ago
I love the idea of not giving gifts, but playing games and winning them. It tickles me greatly. But I'd want to make sure the games were chosen so everyone has a reasonable change of winning something.
R Dennis 1 year ago
My family does that, but I hate getting gifts. I don't want/need stuff. I try to opt out of getting anything. I would rather cook for everyone and not get a gift.
Load More Replies...
Crystal M 1 year ago
We have three adult children and their spouses (no grandchildren yet). We each draw a name and purchase that person a nice gift. We also play a game for prizes and each person contributes one gift for that pot. It's fun and works well.
Robert T 1 year ago
Conversely when do children stop buying gifts for their parents. It is getting so difficult to find something, anything, that they actually want besides clothes. My dad has gradually given up on his hobbies (he is 86), so no more golf or photography things. They still buy me gifts. This year I'm getting a petrol tank for my classic car! LOL
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
Betsy S 1 year ago
Why would my kids being in a different stage of life make them mean less to me? I don't have much, but there is a gift of some sort under the tree for each of my grown kids, the one's partner and two littles. The other is not partnered. I'll never stop acknowledging them during the winter festivities. What a slap in the face that would be for me to hurt them like that.
Shannimal 1 year ago
My side of the family stopped giving gifts a few years ago. Me and my brother (40, 46) are both married, no kids, and have houses. We already have more than we "need" and my parents have even more. I live in a different state and we don't spend Christmas together (my parents stay here for Thanksgiving). Mom tends to always send "small" gifts to us regardless, but it's food stuffs like coffee and Biscotti which lasts a while and is very nice. We all know we love each other, so we took the pressure of finding gifts off and hop on the phone instead. I sent cards this year. 😀
Any 1 year ago (edited)
o.o Its so foreign to me. I always ever got one or maybe two gifts from my parents, now that we're adult we get some sweets and sometimes money. But not too much, maybe about 50 or something, sometimes less sometimes more, but we also gift our parents something this year they will get some selfbaked cookies because officially we don't gift anything.... turns out we always gift something...never the less 🙃. We help with their house and the garden (it's a veeeery big one) and do other things, like a family should. At least if it's a family you like. I love my family so it's always a giving and taking. As it should be.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
I do the same. I help out anytime my family needs help for anything. Throughout the year. Christmas? I host, I make the meal, parents might give us a little bit of money ($100) and maybe a practical gift (couple bags of cat litter or cat food) "for Christmas" but usually a few weeks before Christmas. We are adults, we don't have a lot of money, we don't withhold things that are needed to wait until Christmas...if you need it now, you get it now... We don't need more stuff. We can buy our own clothing when we need it, we know what kind of things we want. We just enjoy each other's company
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I still grapple with the concept of going into debt because of a one day celebration of a fantasy figure.
sturmwesen 1 year ago
You really don't have to... these 500€/$ gifts are insane. When my sister asked what to gift me besides our traditional christmas tea I proposed my favourit chocolate truffels or a cook book. spolier: she found some from our parents and will gift those to me. That's totally fine. My gift to her is about 30€.
Load More Replies... arthbach 1 year ago
I love the idea of not giving gifts, but playing games and winning them. It tickles me greatly. But I'd want to make sure the games were chosen so everyone has a reasonable change of winning something.
R Dennis 1 year ago
My family does that, but I hate getting gifts. I don't want/need stuff. I try to opt out of getting anything. I would rather cook for everyone and not get a gift.
Load More Replies... Crystal M 1 year ago
We have three adult children and their spouses (no grandchildren yet). We each draw a name and purchase that person a nice gift. We also play a game for prizes and each person contributes one gift for that pot. It's fun and works well.
Robert T 1 year ago
Conversely when do children stop buying gifts for their parents. It is getting so difficult to find something, anything, that they actually want besides clothes. My dad has gradually given up on his hobbies (he is 86), so no more golf or photography things. They still buy me gifts. This year I'm getting a petrol tank for my classic car! LOL
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
Betsy S 1 year ago
Why would my kids being in a different stage of life make them mean less to me? I don't have much, but there is a gift of some sort under the tree for each of my grown kids, the one's partner and two littles. The other is not partnered. I'll never stop acknowledging them during the winter festivities. What a slap in the face that would be for me to hurt them like that.
Shannimal 1 year ago
My side of the family stopped giving gifts a few years ago. Me and my brother (40, 46) are both married, no kids, and have houses. We already have more than we "need" and my parents have even more. I live in a different state and we don't spend Christmas together (my parents stay here for Thanksgiving). Mom tends to always send "small" gifts to us regardless, but it's food stuffs like coffee and Biscotti which lasts a while and is very nice. We all know we love each other, so we took the pressure of finding gifts off and hop on the phone instead. I sent cards this year. 😀
Any 1 year ago (edited)
o.o Its so foreign to me. I always ever got one or maybe two gifts from my parents, now that we're adult we get some sweets and sometimes money. But not too much, maybe about 50 or something, sometimes less sometimes more, but we also gift our parents something this year they will get some selfbaked cookies because officially we don't gift anything.... turns out we always gift something...never the less 🙃. We help with their house and the garden (it's a veeeery big one) and do other things, like a family should. At least if it's a family you like. I love my family so it's always a giving and taking. As it should be.
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 year ago
I do the same. I help out anytime my family needs help for anything. Throughout the year. Christmas? I host, I make the meal, parents might give us a little bit of money ($100) and maybe a practical gift (couple bags of cat litter or cat food) "for Christmas" but usually a few weeks before Christmas. We are adults, we don't have a lot of money, we don't withhold things that are needed to wait until Christmas...if you need it now, you get it now... We don't need more stuff. We can buy our own clothing when we need it, we know what kind of things we want. We just enjoy each other's company
Load More Replies... You May Like 79 Clever And Creative Ways People Have Wrapped Christmas Presents 61 Of The Most Interesting Things People Received As Gifts “I Thought It Was A Joke”: 42 People Share The Absolute Worst Xmas Gifts They’ve Ever Received
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