“AITA For Not Waking My Boyfriend Which Made Him Late To His First Day At A New Job?”
When you were a kid, did you ever need to write down something on paper as an agreement between you and someone else, whether as a promise or because you were a kid and concluding contracts with people was just something you really aspired to do because lawyering is awesome?
Whatever the case may be, having a contract on even the most (seemingly) trivial things can end up helping you win an argument. For example, if that argument is proving to someone they done goofed up by asking to never be woken up prematurely, and then being blamed for not doing that.
More Info: Reddit
Being a heavy sleeper isn’t a bad thing, but it does come with its own challenges—especially if those challenges make you hella grumpy
Image credits: Celeste Lindell (not the actual image)
So, a woman in her late 20s recently turned to the Am I The A-Hole community on Reddit with a throwaway account (for privacy purposes) with a dilemma: was she wrong not to wake up her boyfriend for his first day of work at a new job after, some time ago, being specifically told not to ever wake him up?
Let’s rewind. The 28-year-old explained that she has been with her boyfriend for 3 years now and there was an incident where she noticed that he had overslept. So, she decided to wake him up, but he was not really happy about it—and so he demanded she never do it again.
A woman went to the internet to find out if she deserved being blamed for not waking up her boyfriend for his first day of work
Image credits: u/Diligent-Database474
What she did, however, was draft up a little contract. Being a daughter of lawyers, it was only appropriate to make it official that he is never to be woken up under any circumstance (well, save for an emergency), and she will not be accountable for any implications that this might lead to. And it was a deal.
Well, the day came where the boyfriend was to start his new job, and she did exactly what she agreed upon with him—she woke up at 5AM, he was sleeping. Come 7AM, he was supposed to wake up and he didn’t. 8:15AM, she left for work, he was still in his bed.
She came home later that day to see her boyfriend very angry. He started shouting at her, claiming that she should have woken him up. Once he stopped with the screaming, she handed him the contract he signed ages ago, and said she would never wake him up because of this. Moreover, he’s a big boy now and he can set up his own alarm like everyone else on this planet.
Image credits: u/Diligent-Database474
While he did try to argue that that was then (he used to work for a friend who was lax with timekeeping) and this is now (new job, new routine and responsibilities), the girlfriend was having none of it and still thinks she’s in the clear here.
The story was shared on the Am I The A-Hole community on Reddit where it garnered over 18,400 upvotes with a bit over 30 Reddit awards. And the people were all on the side of OP.
For the most part, everyone agreed that she is not a jerk, though there was reason to think that everyone needs to tone their principles down
For the most part, everyone argued that the boyfriend is a grown up, and as social norms and rules entail, he ought to take responsibility for his own wake-up schedule and not blame it all on someone else.
Others turned to the contract, saying he’s wrong to not have voided or, at the very least, amended it, since the conditions changed, and he only has himself to blame there.
Yet others suggested that maybe he isn’t the right fit for her if he acts this way, and suggested the girlfriend reevaluate the relationship given the circumstances.
There were some who argued that everyone sucks here as these are mature adults that refuse to act like it and it’s, if anything, toxic for the relationship when the two ought to be supportive and caring.
You can read through the entire post with everyone’s comments here, and you’re free to also check out other Am I The A-Hole stories we have covered thus far. But before you dash off on your next adventure, let us know your thoughts in the comment section below!
Here's what you're doing wrong: Living with a man child who games half the night when he knows he has to start a new job in the morning, then doesn't take steps to make sure he wakes up himself and blames you because of his own lack of responsibility. You really, really need to end this relationship. It's only going to get worse.
Agree, but the contract was a bit much. Sounds like these 2 either need counseling or to find new partners.
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They both sound like they have problems. But if I'm a huge jerk to someone for waking me up and they never want to wake me up again, that's on me.
NTA. Did he throw himself to the ground, pounding his hands and kicking his feet while wailing at the top of his lungs? It sure sounds like a tantrum to me. Time to reassess the relationship, because he definitely needs to grow up.
NTA. I mean I often game half the night when I really shouldn't, but I don't rely on anyone to get me up and going in the morning. I set multiple alarms and if I'm tired or miss something it's my own fault!
Same. Personal responsibility isn't a difficult concept, one would think
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I have been married for over 10 years. My wife has rarely if ever had to wake me up for any reason. Even if she did, I would appreciate her having my back like that. Honestly, this is an example of be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. If this story is printed accurate, he might consider working on that selfishness a bit. It really could destroy a lot more then just a new job.
It blows my mind that anyone thinks she could even be partially at fault. He's an adult who can't even set an alarm for the first day at a new job, she's his girlfriend, not his mother.
Of course it's his responsability to wake and show up at work on time. Nobody is saying he is not wrong. But she does not seems the nicest person either. If my partner is clearly oversleeping, I'm not just gonna leave the house saying "fu" because she complained about being awake three freaking years ago! A relationship must be built on trust and care for each other, not in eternal pettiness and fights over who's right. She could be helpful and supportive, but decided to let him get late for his first day at the new job, just to prove a point on a fight they had three years ago! She's not her mother, but it doesn't mean she gets to just ignore her partner's problems when she can help him.
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I bet he's one of those people that never takes responsibility for anything and then blames everyone else for his short comings.
The girlfriend doesn’t suck at all, I can’t believe anyone could think that. The last time she woke him up he became enraged and screamed at her not to wake him up again. Like a good girlfriend, she’s respecting his wishes by not waking him up. He chose to be a child and play video games all night with his little playground buddies instead of setting his alarm and getting a good night’s sleep. Not her fault at all that he’s a 30 year old 1st grader. What is her fault, however, is dating a 30 year old 1st grader for 3+ years. She should have dumped him the first time he became inappropriately angry at her for waking him up when he overslept. She did a nice thing by waking him up and he reacted with cruelty, so she chose not to wake him up again, as per his explicit instructions. How is her choice to avoid his experiencing his wrath again her being “petty”???
A contract is a contract! He signed it, she lived up to it, he has no cause for complaint. Of course, he can ask for renegotiation, now that it's clear that the agreement isn't without its problems, but I don't see why she should want to be that nice to a guy who's being a total jerk.
You two need to grow up. The fact that you are the ages you are makes that statement cringe worthy.
The GF is NOT responsible for the BF's choices and actions. He can't have it both ways. He's deeply irresponsible and gets mad when he screws up; she didn't, HE did. My uncle never wanted to wake up (20's). His wife would wake him and he'd just roll over. She finally shrugged and off she went. He woke up at 10am and was appalled. She told him from that point on, he got HIMSELF up. Never happened again. This man isn't 14 yr old. Grow up.
ESH! He is rude and a man-child, but she is incredibly petty. That contract sounds childish and weird. And of course that would be an emergency. She saw he sleeping, knew it could cost his new job but decided to get revenge from a fight of three from 3 years ago! Everybody is very wrong here
She's his girlfriend, not his mother. He's 30, he can be responsible enough to wake himself up and not go into a rage over being late because he didn't have mommy to make sure he got up on time.
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The "ESH" folks, are also Aholes. The contract was smart, and bear in mind, she did it after he lost his mind because she woke him up. She's covering her bases because like a typical man-child, when he makes a mistake, his first instinct is to find a way for it to be someone else's fault. Not smart, was staying with him for three years. He's your typical unaccountable guy who always finds someone else to blame. She figured this out early.
Part 1: I just left a psychologically abusive marriage 5 months ago. He was entitled, threw tantrums when he didn’t get his way, and controlling. He manipulated by withholding and denying information, deflecting and defending when held accountable. He never apologized for his behavior, never took responsibility, and nearly always managed to twist things into being my fault. My part was doubting myself while simultaneously giving him the benefit of the doubt. Always. Your boyfriend is allowed to have moments of immaturity, but needs to own that, along with the consequences of his decisions. He did not. And he blamed you. These are two major red flags indicating immaturity that has the potential to turn into abuse.
Chances are she wrote that contract to hopefully protect herself from more verbal (and possibly physical) abuse.
Load More Replies... As adults, we are responsible for our own actions. I've counted on people to do things for me, and got disappointed. Take care of your own business. She's in a relationship with an A hole. He thinks he can make rules, and then break them, or change them to suit himself. She needs to get out of this toxic situation.
Sounds like the first time he was grumpy and said things he didn't mean. She then took it one step further by drawing up a contract - what is she, 12? She knew he had a brand new job, yet she left the house way after he was meant to get up, knowing full well he would be late. Yes he should take responsibility for himself. Yes he absolutely needs an alarm. Yes he's a d**k. But then so is she. 2 d**ks who clearly deserve each other.
It was the man’s job to get up on time and go to work. He owes the lady an apology. And needs to grow up.
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It is hard for me believe that this, from the beginning until the end, can happen between two normal adults in a normal relationship.
He created a boundary and she respected it. She also realized this will be a problem and made the contract as a reminder for him of his request, petty or not, he set a boundary. He also is a grown ass man, he needs to do want grown people productive people do and be responsible for self and not blame others for not taking responsibility. He could have asked her to make sure he gets up, especially since it was an important day, obviously not important enough since he chose to stay up late playing games instead getting sleep so he wouldn't oversleep from being too tired. Lastly she isn't his momma.
Part 2: With lawyers as parents, I would imagine discussion about contracts, documentation, and paper trails was normal. Of course it made sense to you to draw up a contract to protect you. Just to be clear, a contract is not normally needed with healthy individuals in matters of daily life. So, that may be why you’re getting some flack. I applaud you for taking care of your needs and being an adult. I applaud you for clearly stating that you will not enable his immature behavior, pointing him to the obvious alarm clock. I recommend you be careful and listen your gut. Check to see whether his words and actions match. Look at his behavior patterns. And then ask yourself if this is someone you would want your daughter or best friend to marry. Let that answer be your guide. I’m so proud of you!
I 100% agree... He sounds like my ex. I wasted 17 years married to him. Mostly because of having been raised in a religion and culture that absolutely vilified divorce, unless one was cheated on (although that was still the woman's fault) or "severely" physically abused. This girl needs to RUN!!! And congrats to you for leaving your gaslighting jerk! It gets so much better! I promise!
Load More Replies... Nope,you aren't wrong. It sounds like a damned if you do,damned it you don't situation. If you woke him up he would yell at you and if you didn't he yelled at you. This was a no win situation. Maybe he should have been a big boy the night before and hadn't celebrated as much or as long as he did so he could wake up like grown folks do. If he yelled at me like a child he would have been sleeping somewhere else. No way is anyone yelling at me. Even when my kids were teens they could wake up every morning with no problem. Never late to school once.
If one of my apprentices didn't show up on time on their first day and blamed their bf/gf for not waking up, guess what would happen? They'd be fired before they started the job and told it's not my problem or the gf/bf. He is a grown man and can wake himself up. I'd invite him to apply again when he's grown up and move on to the next applicant. NTA
Yeah hun you need to get out while you can. He is to old to be playing those games blaming you for his own faults. You did NOTHING wrong.
He literally told her to not wake him up for any reason. It's his responsibility to be up on time for his job, he's not a child and he should take responsibility for his own actions and not get upset with you, especially for doing what he asked.
If she loved him she would have woken him up regardless given how important it was. She is childish and petty, he is childish and disorganised. They seem to be in a 'my rights come first' kind of relationship, not one where they look out for the other person. Why are they even together?
Would you wake someone up after they've yelled at you and made you feel bad about doing so? She was trying to help previously but he yelled at her every single time so she just did what he said just with a little spice.
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Ugh this man child reminds me of my dad! He NEVER heard his alarm and I didn't want to have anything with his waking up and being late!
NTA...Great job getting the contract...Now, get a new bf...one who knows there's an alarm on his phone.
That dude is abusive AF. Leave him! I had a boyfriend who used to pull thay toxic crap on me all the time. After I left him, I felt a huge weight lifted! At the same time, though, he had groomed me to live around him, so now I no longer know who I am and I am still trying to remember. I keep being told that I'm not the same as I was. People don't understand how that changes you. I would run...as fast as I could to get away.
So many people in the comment section are missing that he *yelled at her for helping him. Then in the same situation when she didn't help him he *changed the goal post without warning in order to *shift blame on her for his responsibility. It's control manipulation.
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My question is, why is she still with him and why is he still with her? It's obvious it's not working. Instead of staying with each other and wasting time being petty with each other, they could be using that time to find someone else.
She should leave him, he's already acting like she's his mother. Red flags like crazy 🤮 He's a 💩 person
If I was his mom and he treated me like that then I'd do the same thing. Help him learn life's basics with natural consequences.
Load More Replies... Part 1: I just left a psychologically abusive relationship five months ago. He acted like a toddler: entitled, throwing tantrums when he didn’t get his way, and controlling. He manipulated by withholding or denying pertinent information, and defending or deflecting if I held him accountable. He never apologized or took responsibility, and somehow managed to turn everything into being my fault. My part in all of this was being spineless and too accommodating. I always gave his motives the benefit of the doubt and questioned myself instead of looking at the big picture of patterns and attitudes. Believe it or not, I say all this because I want to turn it back to you. If your boyfriend doesn’t take responsibility for his own behavior and blames you because he can’t (oops! I mean won’t) set multiple alarms, those are two major indicators of an immature person who could possibly be abusive as well (if not now, then possibly in the future).
You're his girlfriend, not his mommy. He needs to learn responsibility. As for the contract, he agreed to it and needs to live by it. I think you're too smart for him and should reevaluate this relationship.
NTA. Why would I risk being yelled at again for waking my partner up? I come from a dysfunctional family where I could get yelled at at the drop of a hat for anything. So, the fear of getting yelled at is one of my triggers I'd like to avoid. He needs to not be gaming all night if it's supposedly a big day for him.
Being the literal person that I am, considering words have meaning, I don’t blame the girlfriend.
'I'm starting a new job,, tomorrow. Let's stay up the night before, drinking and gaming adn nto set an alarm! And then I blame someone else for my fuckups'. The guy is a child. He needs to grow up!
Aaalllarrrmmm CLOCKS, cell phones with alarms that you check before bed. I used to tell my self to wake up at a certain time and i would
Yep. They could have avoided this situation so easily. Still the guy's fault for not using one.
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NTA, If he wanted a wake up call, he could've 1) Asked in the first place 2) set any kind of alarm 3) Lived with his Mom.😂. Absolutely Not OP's Problem.
So, my ex is an extremely heavy sleeper. And, he usually doesn't get up at the first alarm or attempt at me waking him up. And he usually gets mad and yells. So, I stopped. He'd always get mad at me for "mother-ing" him, and it wasn't worth the stress it caused me to try and wake him up. He's a grown ass man with perfectly fine hearing.
NTA. I don't understand why people can say otherwise. He screamed at her and caused an argument about it before. Why would you want to deal with that again, he made it clear...even if the pope needs him. He's a big boy and she's not his Mommy. My only question is why she is still with someone with that kind of temper, lack of personal responsibility and attitude.
The fact the he would raise his voice and yell at me in the first place....I would have then handed that jerk a break-up contract
It's the guy come on folks. 30 and cant or won't get his lazy butt outta bed. Then the mental abuse he puts his girl thru. The yelling screaming and demeaning. Smh the dudes a complete AH. there's no politics here. Kick the guy out or leave either way he is abusive.
I have been there dealt with that, after a few times of my husband being late, he worked it out. Oh fyi I didnt go as far as a contract but she isnt gloating or being childish she is just doing what he told her. Good for her, sucks to be him. Dont judge if you have never been there
ESH people seems forget that he blew up because she woke him up so that he didn't go to work late. The contract is a great idea, OP. Another great idea: broke up with him. I also think the BF is double the AH because he thought his old boss is easy going and won't mind him being late. That might be the reason he needs a new job in the first place.
Momma’s boy is still just that. Very immature for his age. I think it’s quite silly for commenters to fault the girlfriend for anything other than being with this dude. She wouldn’t ever need to have kids as long as she’s with this brat
Sounds like she needs to dump that little boy and get an older man.
I didn't wake my children up. I told them when they started, 2 1st grade that I wasn't going to wake them up to go to work I purchased each of my children a alarm clock and let them know getting to school on time was their responsibility. The kids always got to school on time and now as adults they get to work on time He is a child go get a grown up.
He’s a grown man and he’s responsible for getting himself up. It sounds like a bad relationship. Maybe he still needs a mommy.
NTA for allowing boyfriend to experience consequences for both his previous behaviour (when he told her NEVER to wake him up) as well as his irresponsible behaviour of gaming into the wee hours and not ensuring he would wake up on his own. It's NOT her responsibility to determine if this is dire enough emergency to go against his previous demand. This is a huge red flag. If he blame-shifts on something like this, there's more coming. And if she felt the need to have that previous agreement in writing, I suspect she's already seen the pattern. Time to move on, girl!
Yeah I'm on Team ESH. He sucks for knowing he's hard to wake and not setting multiple alarms to make sure he gets up. She sucks for being so petty over her dumb contract and intentionally letting him oversleep for an important new job. They act more like teenaged siblings than grown adults in a long term relationship. They're both petty a$$holes, they deserve each other.
Honestly, getting yelled at for something as minor as waking him up in the morning would have made me seriously question the relationship from the start. Not sure I would have lasted longer than that with someone this childish for it to cause further problems down the road.
Definitely NTA but don't be surprised if you're no longer dating him. We do things for those that we love even if it makes us a little uncomfortable. If my GF had told me the same thing that your BF had told you, I still would have woke her up for an important event and simply dealt with the consequences. As I would hope that she would do the same for me. My other option is to just not be in that relationship. You made a choice. Stand by your man just as you would expect him to stand by you. If it were the other way around, what would you expect him to do?
I HOPE she is no longer dating that ABUSIVE, entitled, irresponsible, immature, under-developed, man-child & LIAR. You make it sound like some kind of righteous karma if she's "no longer dating him", like she got her "comeuppance". 🤣😂🤣 In REALITY, it IS Karma & comeuppance--HIS, catching up with HIS sorry @$$. WHY SHOULD SHE "DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES", WHEN THE CONSEQUENCES ARE *ABUSE*???"Stand by your man"??? 😂🤣😂 He did not STAND BY HER. If it was the other way around, I would expect HIM to REFRAIN from waking HER--as she had (hypothetically, in your scenario) *abused* him for doing the same thing before, EXPLICITLY told him NEVER TO AWAKEN HER, & *explicitly* demonstrated that she did not give a damn about waking up--by staying up half the night, wasting time & goofing off, the night before beginning a NEW JOB, & FAILING TO SET EVEN *ONE* ALARM.
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Ok He's a Big Kid obviously not ready for a Relationship much LESS a Job ... explain to him this isn't college anymore & He's not a Teenager but an ADULT & he either gets a Job & goes EVERY DAY or you should make him find a New Female Chump to play Mommy for his sorry ass
Yeah, ESH. Reason why OP is the AH: Who draws up a contract for something that petty? It's also pretty rude that OP knew that her boyfriend had to work the next day, saw that he was late & did nothing about it all the while bragging about the whole thing. Reason why the BF is the AH: He could've just set up his own alarm instead of throwing a whole baby tantrum about it. To be brutally blunt about this, they both sound really immature and just out right petty of one another. They could ether A. Grow up, get some help and act the adults they should be or B. Break up, get help so they can both be better people for future relationships.
If I help someone out and they react by becoming inappropriately angry and screaming at me to never ever help them again, why the hell would I then take it upon myself to help them again and risk suffering their wrath a second time? She literally followed his exact wishes to the letter. That is not her fault, not even a little bit. Hopefully he learned his lesson and she dumped him.
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The real problem is not, who is at fault. It is, you trying to sort this mess out! Why? Do you think things are going to get better? He has shown you his true colors, BELIEVE HIM! There is no room for belittling, yelling and name calling in a healthy relationship. And yes, im speaking from experience. We have been happily married for 30 years and i have NEVER been yelled at or called a name or blamed. There are good men out there so don't settle.
I can't imagine being so self-absorbed that I would purposely let someone be put in a bad situation if I could do something. Is it really ok to treat someone you love in this manner??? And a "contract" from 3 years prior??? That's just bizarre. While she may be technically"right" that it is his responsibility, it was a crappy thing to do.
Is it really okay to treat someone you love like he did when he yelled at her for being kind enough to help him when he was in that position before? You have an issue with her because she's smart and not a doormat?
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They are perfect for each other both AH.. i have trouble sleeping and can be grouchy but never freaked out or had someone sign a contract in a relationship..they deserve each other. You always set multiple alarms
My partner was told way back in his early 20s. An adult knows when to follow a rule and when it can be broken.
They also know to get a good night's rest and set an alarm for their first day (and every day after) of their new job. Good on her for not enabling his immaturity.
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I've had men and even family members make excuses for variety of reasons and for a variety of situations. They always want to put the blame on someone else so they don't get the brunt of the negative remarks. Everyone should learn how to you get themselves out of bed dress themselves and learn how to take care of them self before they are 18. It's called taking responsibility for oneself. Then you pass that on to your children so they can be self-reliant. You have a job or a place to be that you want to go to be responsible. I'm so tired of lazy people complaining that things don't work out their way. Late for school work a meeting get up an hour to two hours earlier if you are a slow dresser or just not able to put your butt in gear. Don't keep making excuses for him. That will never go well and you don't want to live your life that way.
If you're drawing up contracts over not waking up the other person, thats a sign your relationship is over. Leave this abusive POS and find a real man.
First husband depended on me to wake him up. He would stay up watching TV long after I went to bed, then be combative when I tried to get him up. Last resort, I got a pot and lid and clanged them in the hallway. He got up then.
Honestly, anyone that gets so angry at being woken up needs some sort of therapy. Maybe anger management or Douchebags anonymous. She should have just given him a push on the shoulder 1 time and attempted to wake him. If he started getting bitchy ,, well,, just leave him. Seriously, have his mom come over and kiss him softly and give him butterfly kisses with her eyelashes until he is gently awoken with the sounds of angles singing and the warmth of thousand Huggies.
The fact that she wrote a contract suggests she knew this would be an issue. Idk sounds like they both have problems and are just being d***s to one another rather than splitting up. Shes not wrong obviously, but her actions are this kind of toxic passive agressive, where you know something is gonna go wrong, and she COULD stop it, but instead decided to wait until it did go wrong so she can post about it on Reddit and have a fight with him. Dont create drama people, letting things go to s**t just so you can get righteously angry is not healthy. Either fix the problem or avoid being in that position.
NTA because of how he exploded at you that one time. You need out of this relationship unless you like being A: his mom, or B: his b*tch! The fool knew how important his job was but he made zero effort to get there on time. Sounds like either a control freak, a Dom, or a narcicsstic pr*ck.
Yeah, op prolly should have left his *ss the first time he yelled at her for trying to help him. But after staying together, even though the contract was old, if he showed no sign of no longer being an emotionally abusive jerk because he's a man baby who can't control his emotions when he's a little sleepy, then no, op should definitely not have woken him up only to get yelled at. He probably would have thrown another fit and claimed he would have gotten up himself or something.
The most important question is why does she get up at 5AM if she leaves past 8AM? I never new such people exist. Is sleep optional for some? :D
I like to have time to enjoy breakfast and get a few things done before work when I dont need to be there until 9 or later. Plus my cat's brwakfast time stays the same no matter what and she will let me know if Im late.
Load More Replies... You're dating a large child, and the contract was petty. However, if it were me and my boyfriend, I think I might've been equally petty and made some sort of agreement that he's now solely responsible for his alarm setting and just leave the house if he's still asleep when he should've woken up already.
I was married to a heavy sleeper and after the first couple times of me trying to wake him up, I stopped trying. It would really piss me off because he wouldn't respond. So I told him from now on you either get up when I try to get you up, or you are late to work. Your choice. He learned real quick I wasn't kidding him. Both my kids had alarm clocks to wake them up for school. I was already up but they knew it was their responsibility to get up. I told them they would have to walk to school if they missed their bus. I had a job so I couldn't be late. Neither of them were ever late for school. That taught them that when they had part time jobs and later full time jobs they would get up with no problem. Its childish and immature to expect someone to wake you up when ,as an adult, you are responsible for yourself and your own actions.
This whole thing sounds so much like my ex, that I had to go back and reread the details to make sure it wasn't .
ESH but mostly the BF. I do however want to say that he could have had alarms set and slept through them. I have issues with sleeping where It doesn't matter how many alarms I set or how loud they are right next to my head. If my body woke up, I won't wake up. It's actually very scary for me to have no control over when I sleep or wake, and if the BF is in a similar situation I sympathize with him.
ESH... But only you by like ten percent. First off... What type of man child pp lays games all night before his first day of work at a new job. Second, he's an adult. He has no one to blame but himself for not waking up on his own. He's an ADULT. Not your responsibility. At all. He needs to grow up and realize he's an adult with responsibilities and it's not your job at all to wake him ever. The only reason you suck here is bc you drew up a contract for sleeping that has no legal value whatsoever. Like come on. If you really wanted a valid contact you should have had one, bit know that a sleep contract is ridiculous. He's def the jerk and frankly if he doesn't apologize you need to get rid of him. What type of grown man yells at his girlfriend for not waking him up bc he was playing games late at night. Guy sounds like a loser. Get rid of him. He is definitely the jerk.
Man child jerk shacks up with passive aggressive jerk…you both need to break up and grow up!
She did the right thing. If he went off that bad about her waking him up that she needed a contract for proof then she did what was best for her. She was ready to prove how stupid he was for going off on her back then.
Why are these guys even together? He is definitely the A-hole in this situation and while is DON'T blame this woman (she literally upheld a contract) being that pig headed about it is rather petty and childish. Being late for your first day a new job is not very far from an emergency in this economy. If I was a woman in this situation I would've kicked him out of bed and told him to get his irresponsible ass to work, if he had an issue with thst he could find himself a new girl.
Ah love! Or...convenience? I'm grateful to be in a 30+yr relationship that has survived us 'growing up' together. All relationships are continually renegotiated based on new and pre-existing factors. Can't say here who the A is bcs motive and intention plays a role, too. When you guys decide you're on the same team, maybe you can agree upon a mission, like, supporting each other in ways you can agree on. Til then, who cares who the A is because neither of you are growing in the same direction -- you're just going around in circles. Best of luck rowing better, either solo or as a team.
I think both have fault. I'm grumpy when I wake up too, but my hubby would still never let me be late for work just because I have a hard time waking up. He would open the door, yell something inane or throw something to make noise then back out lol (jk) , but for real , In an adult relationship we help each other. He was not right (and bordering on co dependent abuse) for blaming the woman, but she also has fault for just letting it happen. If you had an agreement not to interfere in a car while driving but you noticed a transport truck coming head on and he didnt , would you stay quiet as per your agreement? I think not. Which makes you just as childish and immature as him
Both are AHs. If you can't support each other, then you are both AHs and need to grow up
Although the contract thing is a bit much maybe... Even without a contract I can't see how this would have gone without a fight. After a negative experience already in the past with waking him up, she merely respected his wishes not to wake him up not even if he was going to be late to meet the pope. If she had woken him up, considering his immature behavior he'd probably been just as angry as now. And telling her that she doesn't respect him. He'd have called her the AH regardless in this situation. Whether she'd respect his wishes and let him oversleep or waking him up knowing that this new job is important. But then again, it was his own fault that he overslept. Maybe an alarm clock would be a good birthday gift. Or maybe he should have learned how to operate one and plan himself well like about 15 years ago when he was still living under his parent's roof. If my husband would be like that, I would not have married him.
They are both idiots and clearly neither is mature enough for a long term relationship. The guy was a jerk for yelling at her that, in her words, ONE time. But she might be leaving out details. People know not to wake me in certain situations, like when I'm having a night terror due to PTSD from my time in the military. A couple people have tried and I ended up injuring them and had no clue of what happened. In this post though, she is also a whiny jerk because she drew up a "contract" after that one incident. That's just pathetic, if you're in a relationship you're supposed to be learning each other's boundaries, comprise during disagreements, show interest in each other's hobbies, etc etc etc. Making the contract was a way for her to control him. And it's not a legal contract, it did not have any witnesses or notary signature. He moody, she's vindictive, and both are douchebags.
Where's the consideration supporting this so-called "contract"? It's not a contract...it's a memorandum of understanding... not an enforceable contract. She is now punishing him for the past argument. Both are at fault. Fella, get an alarm clock!
Why are you still in a relationship with a man who has a history of such anger issues? He is yelling with fits of anger. It sounds like you could do much better with another relationship. Good luck in the future.
Am I the only one that noticed that there was an "unless there is an emergency" clause in that contact? Is late for first day of work not an emergency?
I get anxiety when I see my partner oversleeping because I like to be on time. I'm one of those 5 minutes early is on-time type person. However when he oversleeps and I attempt to wake him he just sets an alarm for 15 minutes more, and when the alarm goes off again sets another 15 minute alarm. Eventually it gets to the point where he has exactly the amount of time to roll out of bed, wash his face and drive to where he needs to go. Somehow he is always on time without a care in the world while I stressed out the past hour even though I had no where to be After a few times of this I resigned myself to "if he's late he's late that's his problem." I leave him be and let him sleep. OP NTA.
So what I got from this is that he's a d**k head with responsibility issues and she's way to sensitive to be in any kind of relationship so either those two are perfect for each other as they both are defective goods or those two need to be alone because neither of them are fit to handle living with another person
Both you two sound like ppl I wouldn't be friends with, if I'm keepin it real.
Recently stayed at granddaughter's home and she didn't appear to wake for 4:30 am wake up time to be at class 6am.I left her alone and she came running out of her room 4:55am She dashed around..never said a word about late wakeup when said goodbye think she made it.
Those kids really need to grow up, and move on. If I had to resort to a contract then I would be in the wrong place, with the wrong person.
Why is everyone talking as if someone writing a piece of paper is magically a legal contract lol grow up
I had a roommate in college who had her own room and had a lot of trouble waking up. (I shared the bigger room with our other roommate.) She had five alarm clocks that would go off every five minute, making me and my other roommate either banging on her door or going in to shut the alarms off. There were many times we had to do that.
Imo she's both, NTA and TA. I would think this would be considered a semi-emergency. And do we know why he didn't wake? Maybe his alarm didn't go off, or accidently forgot to set it cause it was late. But at the same time she and other commenters have good points.
An emergency is "there's a gas leak, get out of the house". If you showed up to your job late would they accept "I yelled at my girlfriend and told her never to wake me, even if it's important, when she woke me up so she won't wake me up anymore and now I'm late because she didn't wake me up because she doesn't want me to yell at her so it's her fault I'm late"? 🤣 give me a break. He sounds manipulative and entitled. She was wise to get it in writing.
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guys does anyone know what esh means? its been a while since i actually went on the sub and I can't really remember. tyy.
Everyone Sucks Here. And that's exactly what this situation is. These two both need to grow up & call it quits.
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Of course it's his own fault for not doing what he needed to for himself, but you could've still at least attempted to wake him. If he was the AH afterwards, then you've done your due diligence and he'll have to deal with his consequences.
Both of you are immature. You shouldn't have stayed with someone who screamed at you from the very beginning over trying to be helpful. You shouldn't have made a contract like that. He needs to be a grown up and set his own alarms. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like s**t for what normal people consider to be a great quality (being supportive and helpful) and why would he want to be with someone who makes contracts. Both of you need to split up and grow up.
Not the a*****e per se but as a gf and you don't want your bf to be late in his first job, it think for consideration you still woke him up.record it.if at first you don't succeed.then go on about your day.the gf obviously had a grunch and i cannot live knowing my love one would be late and have a possibility of being fired at the first day of work.be considerate.after that,then tell him to make an alarm coz you have no time to wake him up again.
To me what matters is , did she know what time it was when she left and purposely did not wake him? If that is the case then they need to get gone. That is the worst passive aggressive case I have seen.
Why can't one of them take the call outside of the office, or the company hire a phone service outside of regular operating hours? This isn't about a conflict between 2 coworkers, rather a conflict of poor company management.
Lmao, this is why you never date gamers. Way too many times have I read about a selfish, lazy gamer not pulling their own weight in the relationship.
I'm a gamer, like legit gamer as is my fiance. Her bf is just a child in an adults body. 90% of gamers I know are hard working and far from lazy. Hes just a pos essentially who needs to be catered to exactly as he wants. Would be the same if it was her. He needs to move back in with his mom and she needs to leave him🤷🏽♀️
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Well I hope the rent was covered so you end the lee see what they do approach works for.you. you are petty wait for this to happen to say haha
At first I understood the time being anywhere between 0-3 years, but if she really held on to that piece of paper for 3 whole years and never forgot about it then I'm impressed. Imo the way she handled it was good but I would've reminded him every once in a while about the exitence of the contract. Also, very good lawyer mentality, but if I knew someone was gonna be late for work, my conscience wouldn't let me let that happen. I'd find an alternative way to wake them up like call them or throw a pillow at them and run away so they can't yell at you lol... At least at that point if none of that worked you can say you tried 😅
He should have prepared for a first day by getting good night sleep and getting himself up to get there but yta
Yes. YTA. He should have made arrangements to awaken, but as the "daughter of lawyers", you of all people know there are extenuating circumstances. But yes, Y are certainly TA.
Are you delusional? He specifically told her to never wake him up, even if he was going to be late for something important. She respected his demand. Done. End of story.
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He need to be responsible but she knew she should of woken him up. Use some common sense, oh that's right shes a female
She needs common sense? He yelled at her when she was nice enough to wake him, respected his boundary and held him to it. What she "needed" to do was exactly what she did and not enable his behavior. How else is the man child going to learn if she enables him? I wonder how that first day went when he said to his new boss "sorry I'm late but I yelled at my girlfriend and told her to never wake me again so she didn't wake me this morning and now I'm late because of her" 🤣 There is context behind why she didn't wake him, it wasn't like an innocent and isolated incident.
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Just because you can 'live off' that little sleep, doesn't mean you should. You might want to rethink that.
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Snooty because she doesn't want to wake up someone who yells at her for waking him up? Grow up, yourself.
Load More Replies... Here's what you're doing wrong: Living with a man child who games half the night when he knows he has to start a new job in the morning, then doesn't take steps to make sure he wakes up himself and blames you because of his own lack of responsibility. You really, really need to end this relationship. It's only going to get worse.
Agree, but the contract was a bit much. Sounds like these 2 either need counseling or to find new partners.
Load More Replies... They both sound like they have problems. But if I'm a huge jerk to someone for waking me up and they never want to wake me up again, that's on me.
NTA. Did he throw himself to the ground, pounding his hands and kicking his feet while wailing at the top of his lungs? It sure sounds like a tantrum to me. Time to reassess the relationship, because he definitely needs to grow up.
NTA. I mean I often game half the night when I really shouldn't, but I don't rely on anyone to get me up and going in the morning. I set multiple alarms and if I'm tired or miss something it's my own fault!
Same. Personal responsibility isn't a difficult concept, one would think
Load More Replies... I have been married for over 10 years. My wife has rarely if ever had to wake me up for any reason. Even if she did, I would appreciate her having my back like that. Honestly, this is an example of be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. If this story is printed accurate, he might consider working on that selfishness a bit. It really could destroy a lot more then just a new job.
It blows my mind that anyone thinks she could even be partially at fault. He's an adult who can't even set an alarm for the first day at a new job, she's his girlfriend, not his mother.
Of course it's his responsability to wake and show up at work on time. Nobody is saying he is not wrong. But she does not seems the nicest person either. If my partner is clearly oversleeping, I'm not just gonna leave the house saying "fu" because she complained about being awake three freaking years ago! A relationship must be built on trust and care for each other, not in eternal pettiness and fights over who's right. She could be helpful and supportive, but decided to let him get late for his first day at the new job, just to prove a point on a fight they had three years ago! She's not her mother, but it doesn't mean she gets to just ignore her partner's problems when she can help him.
Load More Replies... I bet he's one of those people that never takes responsibility for anything and then blames everyone else for his short comings.
The girlfriend doesn’t suck at all, I can’t believe anyone could think that. The last time she woke him up he became enraged and screamed at her not to wake him up again. Like a good girlfriend, she’s respecting his wishes by not waking him up. He chose to be a child and play video games all night with his little playground buddies instead of setting his alarm and getting a good night’s sleep. Not her fault at all that he’s a 30 year old 1st grader. What is her fault, however, is dating a 30 year old 1st grader for 3+ years. She should have dumped him the first time he became inappropriately angry at her for waking him up when he overslept. She did a nice thing by waking him up and he reacted with cruelty, so she chose not to wake him up again, as per his explicit instructions. How is her choice to avoid his experiencing his wrath again her being “petty”???
A contract is a contract! He signed it, she lived up to it, he has no cause for complaint. Of course, he can ask for renegotiation, now that it's clear that the agreement isn't without its problems, but I don't see why she should want to be that nice to a guy who's being a total jerk.
You two need to grow up. The fact that you are the ages you are makes that statement cringe worthy.
The GF is NOT responsible for the BF's choices and actions. He can't have it both ways. He's deeply irresponsible and gets mad when he screws up; she didn't, HE did. My uncle never wanted to wake up (20's). His wife would wake him and he'd just roll over. She finally shrugged and off she went. He woke up at 10am and was appalled. She told him from that point on, he got HIMSELF up. Never happened again. This man isn't 14 yr old. Grow up.
ESH! He is rude and a man-child, but she is incredibly petty. That contract sounds childish and weird. And of course that would be an emergency. She saw he sleeping, knew it could cost his new job but decided to get revenge from a fight of three from 3 years ago! Everybody is very wrong here
She's his girlfriend, not his mother. He's 30, he can be responsible enough to wake himself up and not go into a rage over being late because he didn't have mommy to make sure he got up on time.
Load More Replies... The "ESH" folks, are also Aholes. The contract was smart, and bear in mind, she did it after he lost his mind because she woke him up. She's covering her bases because like a typical man-child, when he makes a mistake, his first instinct is to find a way for it to be someone else's fault. Not smart, was staying with him for three years. He's your typical unaccountable guy who always finds someone else to blame. She figured this out early.
Part 1: I just left a psychologically abusive marriage 5 months ago. He was entitled, threw tantrums when he didn’t get his way, and controlling. He manipulated by withholding and denying information, deflecting and defending when held accountable. He never apologized for his behavior, never took responsibility, and nearly always managed to twist things into being my fault. My part was doubting myself while simultaneously giving him the benefit of the doubt. Always. Your boyfriend is allowed to have moments of immaturity, but needs to own that, along with the consequences of his decisions. He did not. And he blamed you. These are two major red flags indicating immaturity that has the potential to turn into abuse.
Chances are she wrote that contract to hopefully protect herself from more verbal (and possibly physical) abuse.
Load More Replies... As adults, we are responsible for our own actions. I've counted on people to do things for me, and got disappointed. Take care of your own business. She's in a relationship with an A hole. He thinks he can make rules, and then break them, or change them to suit himself. She needs to get out of this toxic situation.
Sounds like the first time he was grumpy and said things he didn't mean. She then took it one step further by drawing up a contract - what is she, 12? She knew he had a brand new job, yet she left the house way after he was meant to get up, knowing full well he would be late. Yes he should take responsibility for himself. Yes he absolutely needs an alarm. Yes he's a d**k. But then so is she. 2 d**ks who clearly deserve each other.
It was the man’s job to get up on time and go to work. He owes the lady an apology. And needs to grow up.
Load More Replies... It is hard for me believe that this, from the beginning until the end, can happen between two normal adults in a normal relationship.
He created a boundary and she respected it. She also realized this will be a problem and made the contract as a reminder for him of his request, petty or not, he set a boundary. He also is a grown ass man, he needs to do want grown people productive people do and be responsible for self and not blame others for not taking responsibility. He could have asked her to make sure he gets up, especially since it was an important day, obviously not important enough since he chose to stay up late playing games instead getting sleep so he wouldn't oversleep from being too tired. Lastly she isn't his momma.
Part 2: With lawyers as parents, I would imagine discussion about contracts, documentation, and paper trails was normal. Of course it made sense to you to draw up a contract to protect you. Just to be clear, a contract is not normally needed with healthy individuals in matters of daily life. So, that may be why you’re getting some flack. I applaud you for taking care of your needs and being an adult. I applaud you for clearly stating that you will not enable his immature behavior, pointing him to the obvious alarm clock. I recommend you be careful and listen your gut. Check to see whether his words and actions match. Look at his behavior patterns. And then ask yourself if this is someone you would want your daughter or best friend to marry. Let that answer be your guide. I’m so proud of you!
I 100% agree... He sounds like my ex. I wasted 17 years married to him. Mostly because of having been raised in a religion and culture that absolutely vilified divorce, unless one was cheated on (although that was still the woman's fault) or "severely" physically abused. This girl needs to RUN!!! And congrats to you for leaving your gaslighting jerk! It gets so much better! I promise!
Load More Replies... Nope,you aren't wrong. It sounds like a damned if you do,damned it you don't situation. If you woke him up he would yell at you and if you didn't he yelled at you. This was a no win situation. Maybe he should have been a big boy the night before and hadn't celebrated as much or as long as he did so he could wake up like grown folks do. If he yelled at me like a child he would have been sleeping somewhere else. No way is anyone yelling at me. Even when my kids were teens they could wake up every morning with no problem. Never late to school once.
If one of my apprentices didn't show up on time on their first day and blamed their bf/gf for not waking up, guess what would happen? They'd be fired before they started the job and told it's not my problem or the gf/bf. He is a grown man and can wake himself up. I'd invite him to apply again when he's grown up and move on to the next applicant. NTA
Yeah hun you need to get out while you can. He is to old to be playing those games blaming you for his own faults. You did NOTHING wrong.
He literally told her to not wake him up for any reason. It's his responsibility to be up on time for his job, he's not a child and he should take responsibility for his own actions and not get upset with you, especially for doing what he asked.
If she loved him she would have woken him up regardless given how important it was. She is childish and petty, he is childish and disorganised. They seem to be in a 'my rights come first' kind of relationship, not one where they look out for the other person. Why are they even together?
Would you wake someone up after they've yelled at you and made you feel bad about doing so? She was trying to help previously but he yelled at her every single time so she just did what he said just with a little spice.
Load More Replies... Ugh this man child reminds me of my dad! He NEVER heard his alarm and I didn't want to have anything with his waking up and being late!
NTA...Great job getting the contract...Now, get a new bf...one who knows there's an alarm on his phone.
That dude is abusive AF. Leave him! I had a boyfriend who used to pull thay toxic crap on me all the time. After I left him, I felt a huge weight lifted! At the same time, though, he had groomed me to live around him, so now I no longer know who I am and I am still trying to remember. I keep being told that I'm not the same as I was. People don't understand how that changes you. I would run...as fast as I could to get away.
So many people in the comment section are missing that he *yelled at her for helping him. Then in the same situation when she didn't help him he *changed the goal post without warning in order to *shift blame on her for his responsibility. It's control manipulation.
Load More Replies... My question is, why is she still with him and why is he still with her? It's obvious it's not working. Instead of staying with each other and wasting time being petty with each other, they could be using that time to find someone else.
She should leave him, he's already acting like she's his mother. Red flags like crazy 🤮 He's a 💩 person
If I was his mom and he treated me like that then I'd do the same thing. Help him learn life's basics with natural consequences.
Load More Replies... Part 1: I just left a psychologically abusive relationship five months ago. He acted like a toddler: entitled, throwing tantrums when he didn’t get his way, and controlling. He manipulated by withholding or denying pertinent information, and defending or deflecting if I held him accountable. He never apologized or took responsibility, and somehow managed to turn everything into being my fault. My part in all of this was being spineless and too accommodating. I always gave his motives the benefit of the doubt and questioned myself instead of looking at the big picture of patterns and attitudes. Believe it or not, I say all this because I want to turn it back to you. If your boyfriend doesn’t take responsibility for his own behavior and blames you because he can’t (oops! I mean won’t) set multiple alarms, those are two major indicators of an immature person who could possibly be abusive as well (if not now, then possibly in the future).
You're his girlfriend, not his mommy. He needs to learn responsibility. As for the contract, he agreed to it and needs to live by it. I think you're too smart for him and should reevaluate this relationship.
NTA. Why would I risk being yelled at again for waking my partner up? I come from a dysfunctional family where I could get yelled at at the drop of a hat for anything. So, the fear of getting yelled at is one of my triggers I'd like to avoid. He needs to not be gaming all night if it's supposedly a big day for him.
Being the literal person that I am, considering words have meaning, I don’t blame the girlfriend.
'I'm starting a new job,, tomorrow. Let's stay up the night before, drinking and gaming adn nto set an alarm! And then I blame someone else for my fuckups'. The guy is a child. He needs to grow up!
Aaalllarrrmmm CLOCKS, cell phones with alarms that you check before bed. I used to tell my self to wake up at a certain time and i would
Yep. They could have avoided this situation so easily. Still the guy's fault for not using one.
Load More Replies... NTA, If he wanted a wake up call, he could've 1) Asked in the first place 2) set any kind of alarm 3) Lived with his Mom.😂. Absolutely Not OP's Problem.
So, my ex is an extremely heavy sleeper. And, he usually doesn't get up at the first alarm or attempt at me waking him up. And he usually gets mad and yells. So, I stopped. He'd always get mad at me for "mother-ing" him, and it wasn't worth the stress it caused me to try and wake him up. He's a grown ass man with perfectly fine hearing.
NTA. I don't understand why people can say otherwise. He screamed at her and caused an argument about it before. Why would you want to deal with that again, he made it clear...even if the pope needs him. He's a big boy and she's not his Mommy. My only question is why she is still with someone with that kind of temper, lack of personal responsibility and attitude.
The fact the he would raise his voice and yell at me in the first place....I would have then handed that jerk a break-up contract
It's the guy come on folks. 30 and cant or won't get his lazy butt outta bed. Then the mental abuse he puts his girl thru. The yelling screaming and demeaning. Smh the dudes a complete AH. there's no politics here. Kick the guy out or leave either way he is abusive.
I have been there dealt with that, after a few times of my husband being late, he worked it out. Oh fyi I didnt go as far as a contract but she isnt gloating or being childish she is just doing what he told her. Good for her, sucks to be him. Dont judge if you have never been there
ESH people seems forget that he blew up because she woke him up so that he didn't go to work late. The contract is a great idea, OP. Another great idea: broke up with him. I also think the BF is double the AH because he thought his old boss is easy going and won't mind him being late. That might be the reason he needs a new job in the first place.
Momma’s boy is still just that. Very immature for his age. I think it’s quite silly for commenters to fault the girlfriend for anything other than being with this dude. She wouldn’t ever need to have kids as long as she’s with this brat
Sounds like she needs to dump that little boy and get an older man.
I didn't wake my children up. I told them when they started, 2 1st grade that I wasn't going to wake them up to go to work I purchased each of my children a alarm clock and let them know getting to school on time was their responsibility. The kids always got to school on time and now as adults they get to work on time He is a child go get a grown up.
He’s a grown man and he’s responsible for getting himself up. It sounds like a bad relationship. Maybe he still needs a mommy.
NTA for allowing boyfriend to experience consequences for both his previous behaviour (when he told her NEVER to wake him up) as well as his irresponsible behaviour of gaming into the wee hours and not ensuring he would wake up on his own. It's NOT her responsibility to determine if this is dire enough emergency to go against his previous demand. This is a huge red flag. If he blame-shifts on something like this, there's more coming. And if she felt the need to have that previous agreement in writing, I suspect she's already seen the pattern. Time to move on, girl!
Yeah I'm on Team ESH. He sucks for knowing he's hard to wake and not setting multiple alarms to make sure he gets up. She sucks for being so petty over her dumb contract and intentionally letting him oversleep for an important new job. They act more like teenaged siblings than grown adults in a long term relationship. They're both petty a$$holes, they deserve each other.
Honestly, getting yelled at for something as minor as waking him up in the morning would have made me seriously question the relationship from the start. Not sure I would have lasted longer than that with someone this childish for it to cause further problems down the road.
Definitely NTA but don't be surprised if you're no longer dating him. We do things for those that we love even if it makes us a little uncomfortable. If my GF had told me the same thing that your BF had told you, I still would have woke her up for an important event and simply dealt with the consequences. As I would hope that she would do the same for me. My other option is to just not be in that relationship. You made a choice. Stand by your man just as you would expect him to stand by you. If it were the other way around, what would you expect him to do?
I HOPE she is no longer dating that ABUSIVE, entitled, irresponsible, immature, under-developed, man-child & LIAR. You make it sound like some kind of righteous karma if she's "no longer dating him", like she got her "comeuppance". 🤣😂🤣 In REALITY, it IS Karma & comeuppance--HIS, catching up with HIS sorry @$$. WHY SHOULD SHE "DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES", WHEN THE CONSEQUENCES ARE *ABUSE*???"Stand by your man"??? 😂🤣😂 He did not STAND BY HER. If it was the other way around, I would expect HIM to REFRAIN from waking HER--as she had (hypothetically, in your scenario) *abused* him for doing the same thing before, EXPLICITLY told him NEVER TO AWAKEN HER, & *explicitly* demonstrated that she did not give a damn about waking up--by staying up half the night, wasting time & goofing off, the night before beginning a NEW JOB, & FAILING TO SET EVEN *ONE* ALARM.
Load More Replies... Ok He's a Big Kid obviously not ready for a Relationship much LESS a Job ... explain to him this isn't college anymore & He's not a Teenager but an ADULT & he either gets a Job & goes EVERY DAY or you should make him find a New Female Chump to play Mommy for his sorry ass
Yeah, ESH. Reason why OP is the AH: Who draws up a contract for something that petty? It's also pretty rude that OP knew that her boyfriend had to work the next day, saw that he was late & did nothing about it all the while bragging about the whole thing. Reason why the BF is the AH: He could've just set up his own alarm instead of throwing a whole baby tantrum about it. To be brutally blunt about this, they both sound really immature and just out right petty of one another. They could ether A. Grow up, get some help and act the adults they should be or B. Break up, get help so they can both be better people for future relationships.
If I help someone out and they react by becoming inappropriately angry and screaming at me to never ever help them again, why the hell would I then take it upon myself to help them again and risk suffering their wrath a second time? She literally followed his exact wishes to the letter. That is not her fault, not even a little bit. Hopefully he learned his lesson and she dumped him.
Load More Replies... The real problem is not, who is at fault. It is, you trying to sort this mess out! Why? Do you think things are going to get better? He has shown you his true colors, BELIEVE HIM! There is no room for belittling, yelling and name calling in a healthy relationship. And yes, im speaking from experience. We have been happily married for 30 years and i have NEVER been yelled at or called a name or blamed. There are good men out there so don't settle.
I can't imagine being so self-absorbed that I would purposely let someone be put in a bad situation if I could do something. Is it really ok to treat someone you love in this manner??? And a "contract" from 3 years prior??? That's just bizarre. While she may be technically"right" that it is his responsibility, it was a crappy thing to do.
Is it really okay to treat someone you love like he did when he yelled at her for being kind enough to help him when he was in that position before? You have an issue with her because she's smart and not a doormat?
Load More Replies... They are perfect for each other both AH.. i have trouble sleeping and can be grouchy but never freaked out or had someone sign a contract in a relationship..they deserve each other. You always set multiple alarms
My partner was told way back in his early 20s. An adult knows when to follow a rule and when it can be broken.
They also know to get a good night's rest and set an alarm for their first day (and every day after) of their new job. Good on her for not enabling his immaturity.
Load More Replies... I've had men and even family members make excuses for variety of reasons and for a variety of situations. They always want to put the blame on someone else so they don't get the brunt of the negative remarks. Everyone should learn how to you get themselves out of bed dress themselves and learn how to take care of them self before they are 18. It's called taking responsibility for oneself. Then you pass that on to your children so they can be self-reliant. You have a job or a place to be that you want to go to be responsible. I'm so tired of lazy people complaining that things don't work out their way. Late for school work a meeting get up an hour to two hours earlier if you are a slow dresser or just not able to put your butt in gear. Don't keep making excuses for him. That will never go well and you don't want to live your life that way.
If you're drawing up contracts over not waking up the other person, thats a sign your relationship is over. Leave this abusive POS and find a real man.
First husband depended on me to wake him up. He would stay up watching TV long after I went to bed, then be combative when I tried to get him up. Last resort, I got a pot and lid and clanged them in the hallway. He got up then.
Honestly, anyone that gets so angry at being woken up needs some sort of therapy. Maybe anger management or Douchebags anonymous. She should have just given him a push on the shoulder 1 time and attempted to wake him. If he started getting bitchy ,, well,, just leave him. Seriously, have his mom come over and kiss him softly and give him butterfly kisses with her eyelashes until he is gently awoken with the sounds of angles singing and the warmth of thousand Huggies.
The fact that she wrote a contract suggests she knew this would be an issue. Idk sounds like they both have problems and are just being d***s to one another rather than splitting up. Shes not wrong obviously, but her actions are this kind of toxic passive agressive, where you know something is gonna go wrong, and she COULD stop it, but instead decided to wait until it did go wrong so she can post about it on Reddit and have a fight with him. Dont create drama people, letting things go to s**t just so you can get righteously angry is not healthy. Either fix the problem or avoid being in that position.
NTA because of how he exploded at you that one time. You need out of this relationship unless you like being A: his mom, or B: his b*tch! The fool knew how important his job was but he made zero effort to get there on time. Sounds like either a control freak, a Dom, or a narcicsstic pr*ck.
Yeah, op prolly should have left his *ss the first time he yelled at her for trying to help him. But after staying together, even though the contract was old, if he showed no sign of no longer being an emotionally abusive jerk because he's a man baby who can't control his emotions when he's a little sleepy, then no, op should definitely not have woken him up only to get yelled at. He probably would have thrown another fit and claimed he would have gotten up himself or something.
The most important question is why does she get up at 5AM if she leaves past 8AM? I never new such people exist. Is sleep optional for some? :D
I like to have time to enjoy breakfast and get a few things done before work when I dont need to be there until 9 or later. Plus my cat's brwakfast time stays the same no matter what and she will let me know if Im late.
Load More Replies... You're dating a large child, and the contract was petty. However, if it were me and my boyfriend, I think I might've been equally petty and made some sort of agreement that he's now solely responsible for his alarm setting and just leave the house if he's still asleep when he should've woken up already.
I was married to a heavy sleeper and after the first couple times of me trying to wake him up, I stopped trying. It would really piss me off because he wouldn't respond. So I told him from now on you either get up when I try to get you up, or you are late to work. Your choice. He learned real quick I wasn't kidding him. Both my kids had alarm clocks to wake them up for school. I was already up but they knew it was their responsibility to get up. I told them they would have to walk to school if they missed their bus. I had a job so I couldn't be late. Neither of them were ever late for school. That taught them that when they had part time jobs and later full time jobs they would get up with no problem. Its childish and immature to expect someone to wake you up when ,as an adult, you are responsible for yourself and your own actions.
This whole thing sounds so much like my ex, that I had to go back and reread the details to make sure it wasn't .
ESH but mostly the BF. I do however want to say that he could have had alarms set and slept through them. I have issues with sleeping where It doesn't matter how many alarms I set or how loud they are right next to my head. If my body woke up, I won't wake up. It's actually very scary for me to have no control over when I sleep or wake, and if the BF is in a similar situation I sympathize with him.
ESH... But only you by like ten percent. First off... What type of man child pp lays games all night before his first day of work at a new job. Second, he's an adult. He has no one to blame but himself for not waking up on his own. He's an ADULT. Not your responsibility. At all. He needs to grow up and realize he's an adult with responsibilities and it's not your job at all to wake him ever. The only reason you suck here is bc you drew up a contract for sleeping that has no legal value whatsoever. Like come on. If you really wanted a valid contact you should have had one, bit know that a sleep contract is ridiculous. He's def the jerk and frankly if he doesn't apologize you need to get rid of him. What type of grown man yells at his girlfriend for not waking him up bc he was playing games late at night. Guy sounds like a loser. Get rid of him. He is definitely the jerk.
Man child jerk shacks up with passive aggressive jerk…you both need to break up and grow up!
She did the right thing. If he went off that bad about her waking him up that she needed a contract for proof then she did what was best for her. She was ready to prove how stupid he was for going off on her back then.
Why are these guys even together? He is definitely the A-hole in this situation and while is DON'T blame this woman (she literally upheld a contract) being that pig headed about it is rather petty and childish. Being late for your first day a new job is not very far from an emergency in this economy. If I was a woman in this situation I would've kicked him out of bed and told him to get his irresponsible ass to work, if he had an issue with thst he could find himself a new girl.
Ah love! Or...convenience? I'm grateful to be in a 30+yr relationship that has survived us 'growing up' together. All relationships are continually renegotiated based on new and pre-existing factors. Can't say here who the A is bcs motive and intention plays a role, too. When you guys decide you're on the same team, maybe you can agree upon a mission, like, supporting each other in ways you can agree on. Til then, who cares who the A is because neither of you are growing in the same direction -- you're just going around in circles. Best of luck rowing better, either solo or as a team.
I think both have fault. I'm grumpy when I wake up too, but my hubby would still never let me be late for work just because I have a hard time waking up. He would open the door, yell something inane or throw something to make noise then back out lol (jk) , but for real , In an adult relationship we help each other. He was not right (and bordering on co dependent abuse) for blaming the woman, but she also has fault for just letting it happen. If you had an agreement not to interfere in a car while driving but you noticed a transport truck coming head on and he didnt , would you stay quiet as per your agreement? I think not. Which makes you just as childish and immature as him
Both are AHs. If you can't support each other, then you are both AHs and need to grow up
Although the contract thing is a bit much maybe... Even without a contract I can't see how this would have gone without a fight. After a negative experience already in the past with waking him up, she merely respected his wishes not to wake him up not even if he was going to be late to meet the pope. If she had woken him up, considering his immature behavior he'd probably been just as angry as now. And telling her that she doesn't respect him. He'd have called her the AH regardless in this situation. Whether she'd respect his wishes and let him oversleep or waking him up knowing that this new job is important. But then again, it was his own fault that he overslept. Maybe an alarm clock would be a good birthday gift. Or maybe he should have learned how to operate one and plan himself well like about 15 years ago when he was still living under his parent's roof. If my husband would be like that, I would not have married him.
They are both idiots and clearly neither is mature enough for a long term relationship. The guy was a jerk for yelling at her that, in her words, ONE time. But she might be leaving out details. People know not to wake me in certain situations, like when I'm having a night terror due to PTSD from my time in the military. A couple people have tried and I ended up injuring them and had no clue of what happened. In this post though, she is also a whiny jerk because she drew up a "contract" after that one incident. That's just pathetic, if you're in a relationship you're supposed to be learning each other's boundaries, comprise during disagreements, show interest in each other's hobbies, etc etc etc. Making the contract was a way for her to control him. And it's not a legal contract, it did not have any witnesses or notary signature. He moody, she's vindictive, and both are douchebags.
Where's the consideration supporting this so-called "contract"? It's not a contract...it's a memorandum of understanding... not an enforceable contract. She is now punishing him for the past argument. Both are at fault. Fella, get an alarm clock!
Why are you still in a relationship with a man who has a history of such anger issues? He is yelling with fits of anger. It sounds like you could do much better with another relationship. Good luck in the future.
Am I the only one that noticed that there was an "unless there is an emergency" clause in that contact? Is late for first day of work not an emergency?
I get anxiety when I see my partner oversleeping because I like to be on time. I'm one of those 5 minutes early is on-time type person. However when he oversleeps and I attempt to wake him he just sets an alarm for 15 minutes more, and when the alarm goes off again sets another 15 minute alarm. Eventually it gets to the point where he has exactly the amount of time to roll out of bed, wash his face and drive to where he needs to go. Somehow he is always on time without a care in the world while I stressed out the past hour even though I had no where to be After a few times of this I resigned myself to "if he's late he's late that's his problem." I leave him be and let him sleep. OP NTA.
So what I got from this is that he's a d**k head with responsibility issues and she's way to sensitive to be in any kind of relationship so either those two are perfect for each other as they both are defective goods or those two need to be alone because neither of them are fit to handle living with another person
Both you two sound like ppl I wouldn't be friends with, if I'm keepin it real.
Recently stayed at granddaughter's home and she didn't appear to wake for 4:30 am wake up time to be at class 6am.I left her alone and she came running out of her room 4:55am She dashed around..never said a word about late wakeup when said goodbye think she made it.
Those kids really need to grow up, and move on. If I had to resort to a contract then I would be in the wrong place, with the wrong person.
Why is everyone talking as if someone writing a piece of paper is magically a legal contract lol grow up
I had a roommate in college who had her own room and had a lot of trouble waking up. (I shared the bigger room with our other roommate.) She had five alarm clocks that would go off every five minute, making me and my other roommate either banging on her door or going in to shut the alarms off. There were many times we had to do that.
Imo she's both, NTA and TA. I would think this would be considered a semi-emergency. And do we know why he didn't wake? Maybe his alarm didn't go off, or accidently forgot to set it cause it was late. But at the same time she and other commenters have good points.
An emergency is "there's a gas leak, get out of the house". If you showed up to your job late would they accept "I yelled at my girlfriend and told her never to wake me, even if it's important, when she woke me up so she won't wake me up anymore and now I'm late because she didn't wake me up because she doesn't want me to yell at her so it's her fault I'm late"? 🤣 give me a break. He sounds manipulative and entitled. She was wise to get it in writing.
Load More Replies... guys does anyone know what esh means? its been a while since i actually went on the sub and I can't really remember. tyy.
Everyone Sucks Here. And that's exactly what this situation is. These two both need to grow up & call it quits.
Load More Replies... Of course it's his own fault for not doing what he needed to for himself, but you could've still at least attempted to wake him. If he was the AH afterwards, then you've done your due diligence and he'll have to deal with his consequences.
Both of you are immature. You shouldn't have stayed with someone who screamed at you from the very beginning over trying to be helpful. You shouldn't have made a contract like that. He needs to be a grown up and set his own alarms. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like s**t for what normal people consider to be a great quality (being supportive and helpful) and why would he want to be with someone who makes contracts. Both of you need to split up and grow up.
Not the a*****e per se but as a gf and you don't want your bf to be late in his first job, it think for consideration you still woke him up.record it.if at first you don't succeed.then go on about your day.the gf obviously had a grunch and i cannot live knowing my love one would be late and have a possibility of being fired at the first day of work.be considerate.after that,then tell him to make an alarm coz you have no time to wake him up again.
To me what matters is , did she know what time it was when she left and purposely did not wake him? If that is the case then they need to get gone. That is the worst passive aggressive case I have seen.
Why can't one of them take the call outside of the office, or the company hire a phone service outside of regular operating hours? This isn't about a conflict between 2 coworkers, rather a conflict of poor company management.
Lmao, this is why you never date gamers. Way too many times have I read about a selfish, lazy gamer not pulling their own weight in the relationship.
I'm a gamer, like legit gamer as is my fiance. Her bf is just a child in an adults body. 90% of gamers I know are hard working and far from lazy. Hes just a pos essentially who needs to be catered to exactly as he wants. Would be the same if it was her. He needs to move back in with his mom and she needs to leave him🤷🏽♀️
Load More Replies... Well I hope the rent was covered so you end the lee see what they do approach works for.you. you are petty wait for this to happen to say haha
At first I understood the time being anywhere between 0-3 years, but if she really held on to that piece of paper for 3 whole years and never forgot about it then I'm impressed. Imo the way she handled it was good but I would've reminded him every once in a while about the exitence of the contract. Also, very good lawyer mentality, but if I knew someone was gonna be late for work, my conscience wouldn't let me let that happen. I'd find an alternative way to wake them up like call them or throw a pillow at them and run away so they can't yell at you lol... At least at that point if none of that worked you can say you tried 😅
He should have prepared for a first day by getting good night sleep and getting himself up to get there but yta
Yes. YTA. He should have made arrangements to awaken, but as the "daughter of lawyers", you of all people know there are extenuating circumstances. But yes, Y are certainly TA.
Are you delusional? He specifically told her to never wake him up, even if he was going to be late for something important. She respected his demand. Done. End of story.
Load More Replies... He need to be responsible but she knew she should of woken him up. Use some common sense, oh that's right shes a female
She needs common sense? He yelled at her when she was nice enough to wake him, respected his boundary and held him to it. What she "needed" to do was exactly what she did and not enable his behavior. How else is the man child going to learn if she enables him? I wonder how that first day went when he said to his new boss "sorry I'm late but I yelled at my girlfriend and told her to never wake me again so she didn't wake me this morning and now I'm late because of her" 🤣 There is context behind why she didn't wake him, it wasn't like an innocent and isolated incident.
Load More Replies... Just because you can 'live off' that little sleep, doesn't mean you should. You might want to rethink that.
Load More Replies... Snooty because she doesn't want to wake up someone who yells at her for waking him up? Grow up, yourself.
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