Worst Timing In The World (62 Comics)

A few years later, I broke out the brush and speedball pen, once again when I realized that a strip based around a woman astronaut could have real potential, as women astronauts were still rather novel. Therefore Ms. Astronaut was born. It featured Kelly Smith, a kinda shy astrophysicist, closet romantic, from San Jose. Didn't know how to handle the attention in a high-profile job and have some sort of normal life outside of the simulators as a result. Maria was her close friend, kinda nosey, trying to fix Kel' up, then there's Gretchen who only made one strip. Sorry, Gretchen. Floyd Frisbee, who only made astronaut because his senator dad was on the senate's Space and Science Subcommittee of Science and Space.

I harbored no illusions that I could actually get it published but wanted to learn how to do caricatures and toss it in the mail if I thought it was any good. Doing a four-panel daily strip format was the perfect exercise. I purchased the book “Cartoonists Market” which highlighted every known publication that published cartoons all the way from The New Yorker to Bus World. Naturally, the best opportunities were also the hardest to break in too, and that was a syndication deal. There were a scant seven main syndicates doing all of the syndicates. The numbers were brutal. Each year they receive about 7500 submissions, or about 150 a week. Of those 150, only two are likely to be selected for “further development”. Of those 100 or so strips over the year (except for a single panel toon by Cathy Guisewite, creator of Cathy, she had a contract on its way by jet ski about 12 minutes after it arrived), only two or three will find their way into the newspapers. Of those, the artist would receive about $5/day per newspaper. So in order to make "real money" one needed about 150 newspapers.

The book recommended two months of strips be submitted, including Sunday features to show that the artist can keep up a continuing storyline, develop engaging characters and have a consistent style. When I had about four dozen strips ready, I packaged them up and launched them in the mail time to coincide with an upcoming high-profile shuttle mission in the early part of 1986.

That’s the story why Ms. Astronaut landed onto the desks of seven different editors in late January 1986.

A day or two after Challenger broke apart on live TV.

Even though my strips were returned to me so fast I swear I could hear a double sonic boom when re-entering my mailbox, they were still not ready to be retired. A few months later a cartooning conference was held at UC Berkeley. Several syndicates would be represented and newspapers, with local cartoonists such as Bob Thaves’ Frank and Ernest, Phil Frank’s, “Farley” and Charles Schultz himself who lived only a couple of hours north (who ended up not being able to attend).

At noon, after some talks in the morning, the artists were given tables in the commons to show off the goodies and receive feedback. Next to my table was a talented “single framer” who had self-published a small book with admittedly pretty good material. One of the first visitors to my table was the features editor from the Sacramento (California) Bee. He told me that he’d snap up Ms. Astronaut in an instant if available. My table-neighbor smiled broadly at me. A little later an editor from News America Syndicate (one of The Seven), came by. He read the first strip. Giggled. Read a second, giggled more. Read another couple and said “Have you sent these to us??”

I told him the whole sad story, and he gave me his home address and phone number and asked for me to send them directly to him. My table-neighbor reached out and shook my hand. I think that meant that I had made the first cut in effect, the “2 out of 150” submissions a week for further development.

Over the next month, we’d chat on the phone a couple of times, his concern was naturally what would happen if another shuttle was lost. However, his syndicate would shortly be bought out by King Features Syndicate (Beetle Bailey, Sally Forth, Bizarro and one of my favorites, Rhymes with Orange), and he would lose his job.

The next year saw another cartoonist conference and a couple of local editors gave me cards, but nothing came of it. Ms. Astronaut was then retired. I learned what I wanted from an artistic standpoint and was good enough to gain the attention of several editors. I knew I had the cartooning version of The Right Stuff, almost but not quite (damned timing), and as such, my mission was a success. With the success of numerous webcomics, there is, at last, a natural outlet for us artists. But there are so many good ones, XKCD or Pearls Before Swine (originally a webcomic), and the time it takes to draw a single strip, makes it unlikely pen will meet ink, uh, pencil meet iPad anymore. Oh, wait, I have an idea “When Kittens Go Bad” centering on the kitten mafia….where’s my Speedball….

*Note that these were written in the mid-80s, so a lot of period references of the time are to be found in nearly every strip.

No lectures about how the modern woman can conquer all by herself, blah, blah….we all need someone in our lives. Kelly is a closet romantic, and has trouble with any sort of dating life due to her place in the world and being a little on the shy side. Get over it.