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How can you tell if you’re in the right relationship? Is knowing it in your bones and owning it, as Ariana Grande sings, really enough? Research shows that it takes an average of 172 days for us to know whether the person we’re dating is marriage material. But what are the signs that the person you’re with is “the one?”
For some, it’s a specific thing their partner does: supporting them during a hard time, seeing how they treat their parents, or a random sweet gesture. In one online thread, women were sharing the green flags that led them to marry their then-boyfriends, prompted by someone asking: “What made you realize 'this man is marriage material' instead of just a boyfriend?”
So, whether you’re having doubts about your relationship and are looking for signs, or want to know what women look for in a husband, check out the most popular answers and see what behavior and traits scream, “This man is husband material!”
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My mother passed away 7 years before I met him. I once reminisced drunkenly with him about an old Chicago Bulls cap she got for me to wear for school; describing it and the approximate year she gave it to me. My birthday wasn’t until another 8-9 months. My birthday comes and yeah - there it was. A new version of mama’s hat for me - 27 years later. X.
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#2
I’m South American and my boyfriend (now husband) is Canadian (where we met). When we first started dating, I was talking about my family and mentioned how sad it makes me that a lot of cousins spouses never learned Spanish + my family overseas misses so many big moments.
Without bragging or announcing it, this man learned Spanish on his own. We fly home once a year and seeing him comfortably chit chatting in Spanish to my family STILL makes me emotional. My tías and my mom LOVE him.
Also, he proposed to me back in my home country. We went for a walk at a park near my house, he proposed, and we went back inside to tell the family sitting at the table. They popped champagne and celebrated us. He remembered how sad I was that they’d always get the news over the phone, so he made a point to do it where I could announce to them in person.
#3
I had that “when you know, you know” feeling prior to this point but this situation really sealed it for me:
I had to get surgery & anesthesia for the first time in my life. I was really anxious about the anesthesia and equally nervous that it was imperative he cared for me at least for the first few days of recovery. This was the first time in my life and in our relationship where I couldn’t stubbornly reject help. I had to really lean on him.
This man took a day off work to drive me to the appt and back, spent the next few days of his weekend taking care of me, made me food, when I was good to be alone he spent whatever time he wasn’t working with me. He got me whatever I needed when needed (switching out ice packs, water, pain meds, etc.) and checked in on me religiously. This sounds like very simple low bar stuff, and it is, and also as someone who grew up hyper independent and with a previous partner who was a hobosexual, it was eye opening to not only be treated this way. I could be in a vulnerable position, let down my guard, and it not backfire.
This was all massive for me, but what truly locked it in for me was this: the first week I could only sleep for about 4 hours, and every 4 hours around the clock I needed pain medication. I’d wake up in terrible pain and move myself from the bedroom to the living room so he could sleep. Without fail, every night, he would wake up immediately and ask if I needed ice packs or medication and retrieve both for me, and when I’d leave, he’d follow me out of our room half asleep and plop on the second couch. I told him he can stay in bed and he refused and said that he wanted to make sure he was nearby “just in case”.
If this wasn’t unconditional love, reliability, and devotion, I don’t know what is.
#4
Pretty early on dating, I began having extreme allergies that caused hives and rashes all over my body constantly. I was staying over his place one night and woke up in the middle of the night just so hot, itchy, and uncomfortable. He woke up with me and while I took a shower, I just remember him sitting outside the tub facing away and he started singing in this beautiful, deep rich voice. He usually doesn’t sing out loud to people, but he just resonated through him with this song that I don’t even know the title of. I felt so grateful in the moment to have a distraction and also to just know he was there for me. He did a lot for me during that time at my lowest when I was figuring out my health and never let me feel less beautiful during it.
#5
We were already engaged when this happened, but one thing that really sealed the deal for me was this past Lunar New Year. I’m adopted and feel sad about being disconnected from my culture.
As a child, me and my adopted family celebrated LNY as a huge holiday. As I became an adult, I continued to celebrate alone and hand out red envelopes, explaining the significance, but no one really cared.
This year, my fiancé 3D printed me a red envelope and put a five dollar bill in it. It was the first time I had received a red envelope since childhood.
#6
One of the first things he did was ask if any of my jeans didn’t have actual pockets in them.
I told him which ones and next week all of them had pockets that were hand sewed.
I mean, how could I not lock down a man like that?
#7
We started dating at 19 (and are now 40), and it was actually something his Dad did. I saw flowers in their kitchen (from his Dad to his Mom) with a note that said “thank you for all you do for all of us”. It wasn’t her birthday or Mother’s Day. I realized he was raised with a good example of a healthy marriage.
#8
I have a congenital limb loss affecting my left arm below the elbow.
Every guy I'd dated before would "forget" about it, treating me like I had the capabilities of any normal person, which I thought was great. But then I met my now husband, and he *held* my arm like he was holding a regular hand without even a second thought, something no one else had ever done. It was such a pure acceptance of me that I didn't even know I'd been missing.
#9
Absolutely no game playing at all. He called when he said he would, arranged frequent dates, was always excited to see me and was fully happy for me to be part of his life and for us to meet each other's friends. We're still together almost 30 years later.
#10
He dated me thinking I was hiding 2 kids as siblings (huge age gap). And was willing to take me and them on.. that and he made me feel safe.
10 years later, he is an amazing father.. my sibs would have been lucky to have him.
#11
We have been dating since we were teenagers, and I had been daydreaming about learning to play the cello for years. As soon as he turned 18, he started working hard in a factory so he could gift me a cello for my birthday. I never learned to play properly because it was too hard and didn't have time for formal lessons, so a couple of years later, he proposed that we sell the cello and use the money to go on a trip, which would be extremely cheap and we would go car-hammock-camping around. We did that, and we still remember that trip to this day as the best trip of our lives. This year we make 15 years together and are getting married.
#12
He did chores at my house without being asked-took out garbage, walked my dog, did dishes, etc.
I knew he would never be a man-child and sit on the couch while I scurried around doing things.
#13
Not my story, but my daughter in law told this story during their reception dinner when asked when she knew he was the one.
My son had organised their first date, so she took the lead on the second. It went terribly from the outset, everything from traffic jams to a fender bender, and then braving heavy rain only to finally find out that because of the storm the fireworks they planned to watch were cancelled.
After a long pause, she added, “And yet, it was the best evening I had ever had. That was when I figured that if someone can roll with such a terrible sequence of events and make it a fun ride, I’m finding a way of keeping him in my life for sure!”.
#14
Little children and pets we're naturally attracted and felt safe with him. This man deserved to spread his genes, and I would offer as tribute. 30th anniversary and two children after, the little babies still fall asleep immediately and the cats flock around him. Pure Bliss.
#15
My now-husband is a volunteer firefighter. One summer he'd been running up and down hills in full gear on a 40 degree Celcius day and got heatstroke. I got him in a tepid bath and got some glucose and salt into him but just couldn't get him to sweat, and he described not quite feeling real, so I called the ambulance. They came, and even vomiting, with heatstroke and not himself he was so sweet with the ambulance guys that while I was hauling his 6"8 naked behind out of the bath and he apologised for getting water all over me I thought "If he passed away tonight I'd really regret not being his wife"
He was fine, he started sweating just after we got him out of the bath and I told him I wanted to be his wife the next day. Then he almost single-handedly planned the wedding because I was so busy, and that just solidified it for me. He's the best.
Ace 5 minutes ago
For reference, the absence of sweating can be one sign of heat stroke, but is not universal, and should not be used on its own as a primary diagnosis. Heat exhaustion and heat stroke are just arbitrary points along a scale, where the latter is defined as a body temperature above 40C. Key points to look for and to seek medical attention are signs of confusion, dizziness and loss of balance.
#16
He asked for a second date and I told him I couldn't on that Saturday because I had to refinish my kitchen cabinets. They were hideous and didn't open/close well. He came over and helped me refinish them. As a second date. Yep. That was 38 years ago and we're still going strong.
#17
He is calm like no other person I have ever met. His best friend called him a mix between a tibetan monk and a drunk (he doesn’t drink anymore lol). He worked SRE, which is like technical emergency calls, and is capable of acting in situations where most people lose it.
He makes me feel safe psychologically. He says what he means and it’s just that, subtext or hidden resentments or unclear communication are nonexistent. I don’t have to overthink with him at all and I can say anything I usually cannot with him.
#18
I always said jokingly I wanted someone to read my mind. My husband comes pretty close. The first time I slept over his house and was headed home after a snowy weekend, after he packed up my things in my car and cleaned it off for me to be ready to drive before I even woke up, he hands me a hot thermos of my favorite tea on my way out. I’ve never felt more cared for by another person who isn’t my mom lol.
#19
He was and still is the only man who has never lied to me.
When he says he will do something, he does it. I never have to question his motives or if there is more than he is not telling me. He showed me that I could trust him, and he has never once let me down. I didn't know how much I needed the security of trust until I met him.
Married for 11 years next month! ♥️.
#20
Flunked out of college at 19, moved home and met my husband. didn’t go back to school for a while, eventually started taking community college classes because I had always felt like a failure for not finishing my Bachelor’s and it’s something that’s extremely important to me. I was so stressed about college and how I would pay for it, etc. but kept taking classes and figured I’d worry about student loans when it came time to try and transfer to a four-year institution.
husband (boyfriend at the time) got a job interview at the (very good) university that he’d graduated from and spent the entire week leading up to it unbelievably stressed, preparing more for that interview than I’ve ever seen someone prepare. It didn’t even pay particularly well, and he didn’t love his time living in the college town so I was really confused about why he cared so much and a little pissy about how he’d been no fun all week.
After the interview, he was so nervous about it that I didn’t even want to ask how it went or bring it up at all. He ended up getting the job, and when he told me, he said that the reason he had been so pressed to be hired was because they offer full tuition remission to the spouses and long-term partners of staff and faculty. He hadn’t wanted to jinx it, but the reason he applied and wanted to work there was because he wanted to be able to give me the education I had spent so many years working towards and dreaming about. He said that being able to help me get my Bachelor’s was something that he wanted to do so badly because he loves me and admires me and knowing that it was a weight on me made him sad.
We were dating for 8 years before we got married, and there were plenty of other moments in that time that made me realize I wanted to be with him forever, but that really sealed the deal and showed me he was serious about not only sharing a life with me, but making sure that I am always taken care of in every way, no matter what.
#21
He drove 4.5 hours home from college just to be with me after my dog suddenly passed away and my pap was in the hospital. I laid on the couch and cried the whole time. He made a flatbread pizza for me before he left that evening. 9.5 hours of driving in a day just to sit for a couple hours while I cried.
#22
He wasn't my boyfriend yet back then, but we were really good friends on our way to becoming best friends and one day, we talked about what we wanted our futures to look like. What our ideal future would be. Much to our surprise, we wanted the same things. Even down to the number of children and pets. I knew instantly that he was marriage material then, but I hadn't figured out he was *my* marriage material until close to a year later, when he finally became my boyfriend. We both knew at the time that we would end up marrying each other, and we did.
#23
When I was sick in bed and he just quietly got up and went to the pharmacy without me asking. No big announcement, no expecting a thank you. He just did it.
But honestly the real moment was when I noticed he had learned all these tiny things about me. That I can never sleep with the window open. That I take my coffee a certain way. Small things that even my closest friends don’t know.
Nobody had ever paid that kind of attention to me before. That’s when I knew.
#25
He didn’t harp on how I could be the perfect woman for him, he was more concerned with how he could be the perfect man for me. Previously I always felt that guys projected their ideas and fantasies onto me. Calculating how useful I am to them, while they themselves can put in the least amount of effort.
He just simply loves me. He actually likes talking to me and cares about my thoughts and feelings. He enjoys spending time with me and isn’t constantly thinking about what he gets out of it, if it’s worth his time or what he might be missing out on.
We both aren’t selfish and put in the work to make the other person happy. In the end life is just easier all around.
#26
I was having a horrible time with birth control. He got a vasectomy so I didn’t have to suffer.
#27
Just being himself. No acting, no pressure, just love. He makes me feel safe being myself. He accepts and understands all my flaws. Bonus is waking up to a cup of coffee and my vitamins on my bedside table 😭.
#28
I went to a different city with a friend and she introduced me to her guy friend. Pretty average but really funny. Well, by the end of the night, I realize that I had lost my purse and my rent money was in there and I started having a panic attack. The next morning I had seen that he sent me $350 to cover my rent.
When I went back to my city, he calls me up, saying that he went to the police station, and somebody had turned in my wallet with all of the money in it. He mailed me my wallet back with flowers and when I tried to send the money back that he gave me, he wouldn’t accept it.
The fact that he went to the police station to look AND took care of me just ugh, I was so smitten.
Ended up fumbling the hell out of him :/. .
#29
The way he treats my kids. Emotional intelligence, self control, discipline, self confidence, calm demeanor. For me, it was obvious he was husband material. We were best friends and still are! Relationship before this one was very dysfunctional and emotionally damaging so I knew I wanted something totally different and thankfully it is, night and day.
#30
When Id observe very early on in our relationship how he went out of his way to help his complete strangers. Old lady cant reach the milk? He dashes over. Someone struggling to carry something heavy? He's all over it!
It seems like such a small observation but it meant everything to me, because it confirmed that this was his genuine character and his kindness extended beyond himself and myself.
After being with a diagnosed sociopath with sadistic tendencies, I had been through hell and absolutely needed a partner capable of empathy.
#31
We were 19 and casually discussing our perfect houses. I said I liked hardwood floors because they’re pretty. He said he liked carpet because it was better for kids to play on.
That was it for me. All she wrote, folks. No other boys my age would ever think of that answer, and he was not trying to game me. It was genuine. I could tell. He didn’t even think anything of it. He’s exactly the type of father I envisioned in that moment.
#32
Working well solving problems together and him trusting me to take the lead.
Met my husband doing construction. I was doing electrical work. The amount of guys I dated that knew my background and still tried to mansplain to me and take over simple projects was such a turn off. My husband never, ever does that to me. He will hand me tools and offer suggestions, but mainly he trusts that I know what I'm doing when I take the lead. We have fixed the water pump on his porsche, the furnace twice, changed out faucets, so many projects where we saved ourselves thousands, because we work together well and know how to be supportive and trust the other person's abilities. The amount of dudes that could never stand and watch or hand their woman tools while she does typically male stuff on their house is too high. My dad told me he knew we would work out, despite getting engaged after 3 months, after watching us fix a vacuum together. Going on 8 years now.
#33
He does whatever he can to make my life easier. I’ve never been with a man as selfless as him.
When my mother passed away, we had only been dating for 4 months. He looked after my pets for me so I could spend her last moments in hospice with her, and while I was gone he stocked my freezer full of homemade meals. He even made extra to fill my brother’s freezer with. He genuinely inspires me to be a better person every day.
#34
We did all the other things first (don't recommend as an overall rule) but we had a child and 2 loans together before we got married. When I first got pregnant I thought I'd ruined everything (briefly) until he spent my entire pregnancy treating me like a queen, cut back or cut out all of his vices in solidarity and to save money, held my hand and hyped me up through our first child's birth. I married him in the courthouse when our some was 4 months old and we've been together for years now and own a home and have multiple kids. We have no money and no time and yet he's still my best friend. Also communication is incredible, he actually changes behaviors when I say something bothers me instead of flipping it on me (which seems to be a common tactic to avoid accountability in most the other fellas I dated).
#35
He anticipates my needs daily and acts on them. My water bottle(s) are always full, my devices are always charged and he blocks his calendar every morning so he can go on a walk with me and the dog. It truly isn’t the big grand gestures (he does those too) but it’s the every day things to consistently prove he is interested, attentive and truly cares about making my day better.
#36
We were on a date and I had a wrapper in my hand. As we passed a dumpster I threw the wrapper in the bin, but I also threw MY CAR KEYS in the huge garbage bin...behind a restaurant! Ugh. I told him what I had just done and he didn't pause for a second, he hoisted himself up on the edge of the dumpster - smiled at me and said "Don't worry, I see your keys!" Flipped himself into the restaurant's garbage and emerged seconds later with my keys.
Reader, I married him!
And in return for marrying ME the Big Lug got health Insurance for the first time in his adult life. I adore him.
#37
We started dating when we were 19/18 (we're 34/33 now). When I was 22 and 24, I went away to study abroad, one time to study a language intensively and the other for my Master's. He supported me without question from the very beginning, there was never any conversation about breaking up over being long distance. The second time, I remember asking him if he had any doubts over me going away for another year. I felt selfish and I thought that maybe he wasn't being honest with me. He said, like it was the most obvious thing:
"What difference does another 10 months make? I have the rest of my life to spend with you."
#38
My now husband rescued a ring I wore when I actually dropped it down the sink drain. He spent hours shutting off the water, dismantling the pipe, cleaning out the drain, and then cleaned off the ring. It was not a fancy ring or anything just a simple silver ring with a design that looked like leaves but I had worn it forever and was so happy when he did all that. I knew I would marry him one day.
#39
I am a nurse and my shifts can be really hard. The first time I sent a message during the day to him like "omg what a hard day I am exhausted I want to go home !", when I get home, the dinner was made, dogs were walked, just had to eat and be a princess. It happens everytime I say I'm exhausted.
That's the first time I was realizing I was with someone who cared.
#40
I’d been vegetarian for two years when we met. He had started eating veggie burgers for health reasons but still ate meat. I’m vegetarian for ethical and health reasons; it’s extremely important to me, personally, but I never expected I’d meet another vegetarian so it wasn’t a deal-breaker. I considered it a bonus that he at least liked veggie burgers. He ate meat a couple more times after we began dating and then became vegetarian. That was 21 years ago and he’s been vegetarian ever since.
Also, he didn’t bat an eye when I moved in with my five cats.
#41
He knew when I was about to get my period before I did and would satisfy any food craving I had during that time, saying "the ute is in control".
That, and he supported me when I burned out and transitioned careers.
#42
On our third date, I was making him dinner, I forgot an ingredient and was frustrated with myself. He flew out the door and went to the store to buy it without asking. He saved dinner.
He always reached out first, eager to see me again, didnt play games, didnt keep me guessing where things were going. His emotional maturity was through the roof. He openly talked about the future and what he wanted. I joke he was the first real man I dated and before only dated boys.
Last when we went hiking with my roommate and her fiance after a few days of knowing each other, he stayed with me the whole time. Roommate's fiance raced up the mountain as fast as he could with another group of guys we passed. Roommate's fiance turned it into a competition. My now husband stayed and helped me up. He didnt judge me when I needed to take breaks. He was sweet and calm. We talked about our childhood on the side of the mountain and our dreams for our future home life. It is a cherished memory. Roommate was divorced before their 3rd anniversary. .
#43
My wife told me she knew I was the one when I helped her look through her dogs poop for blood. Almost a decade later and I love that dog almost as much as I love her.
#44
Reading. I dated many men who don't read at all, and to me (fairly or unfairly) that demonstrates a lack of curiosity about the world.
My now-husband is an avid reader.
The very green flag part of it is that he reads very widely, many genres, and frequently reads women and diverse authors with no real performative bent or agenda in doing so; he likes a good story and good stories come from many people and feature many different characters. It just is. Recently he butted in with his own take on my book club when we were doing a Taylor Jenkins Reid book. 😅.
#45
In the first month of dating, we were invited to a friend’s pool party.
He used to volunteer as a firefighter, as we pulled up to the house, he said - “I have resuscitation equipment here, do you think I should bring it in just in case?”
The fact that this man was willing to take on the responsibility of saving a life completely voluntarily…. That was the instant he had my heart.
#46
He’s so generous with me. He always wants to make sure I’m taken care of even though I had been single for 10 years before we met. I’ve never felt like I didn’t know where I stood with him. He was and is always clear about his intentions with me.
#47
He told me he wanted children. I told him: good for you, I want to finish my masters degree and find a steady job and buy a house.
He said: that’s fair.
And then he actually came back to it after I found a job, finished my studies, and and we bought a house.
#48
I thought he would walk away after an explosive fallout with some of my family. I was more concerned he would do that thinking I had a trainwreck of a family situation and didn’t want to be part of it. I was ugly crying on the side of the road in a sketchy town and he had pulled over as well and came and gave me a big hug and said “I always knew you had a rocky relationship with your old man”
I had never felt so safe in my life.
#49
He saw a woman with a child outside of a restaurant, asking for money for food. I'm a bad person and immediately assumed they were running some kind of scam and ignored them. Without pausing to think about it he went inside and bought her a sandwich. Up to that point I'd always prioritized dating folks who were at least as intelligent and funny and cute and have their life together, but on top of that he always errs on the side of kindness, and that's all I could ask for.
#50
He didn’t like the towels in my apartment and instead of complaining he went out and upgraded them without saying a word. I don’t have to act like his mommy so he can definitely be my daddy. Lol.
#51
He's so thoughtful and caring. And completely selfless. When we were first dating, we took a trip and were staying in a yurt, and there were squat toilets on the other side of the village. It was also below freezing. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and it turns out I had an upset stomach. I used up all the toilet paper I had with me, and was stranded, squatting and freezing. Just as I was starting to weigh how to extricate myself from this unfortunate situation, I saw the light of a headlamp, and heard my name. He realized I'd been gone for a while, got worried, came to look for me in the freezing cold, and had brought along a fresh roll of toilet paper, just in case I needed it (which I did).
#52
He broke his leg about 2 months into us dating and even in pain, on meds, exhausted, stressed about money, stressed about medical costs, etc he was still the same patient, kind man I knew him to be. The “mask” didn’t slip - because there wasn’t one. I knew he was the one for me then, and he’s continued to prove it every day since (we get married next summer!).
#53
When the boring stuff felt easy. anyone can be fun on a vacation. marriage material is when grocery shopping together doesn't feel like a chore.
#54
When other men told me "you deserve someone better" he told me "I want to be better for you.".
#55
I had a friend who had moved from Canada to the US for her relationship. After a few years, things were not good and they were going through a rough divorce but she didn’t have a plan on how to get home with her stuff. I was telling my then boyfriend about it, and how I wished I could take time off from school to go help her. He without hesitation said he could drive down and get her. Mind you this wasn’t BC to Washington, she was in Florida and we were in Alberta. He was fully willing to drop everything to drive across the continent to help out a friend of mine who he hadn’t even met yet. She ended up getting help from family, but the fact that he was seriously offering meant so much to me (and my friend - she mentioned it in her speech at our wedding lol).
#56
We tackle any problem in life together as a team, he also makes my life more calm and fun and puts me first, when I'm sick he looks after me. There is many more but I'd say these were the main "I can't wait to marry this guy" feels.
#57
He saw the beauty, worth, and light inside me when I was at my lowest and couldn’t even see it in myself. He inspires me to be a better person. He is warm and kind, and he’s the person people can count on when they need help with something. He’s very understanding and non-judgmental. Whenever I did something or acted in a way that bothered him, he could actually communicate it to me clearly and let me work on it, instead of just walking away. We respect each other and each other’s boundaries. In the beginning, I warned him that i’m weird and will probably just get weirder, the more comfortable I get with him and he said, “that’s okay, I can handle it”. We are both smart but in different ways, ways that complement each other. He makes me laugh and smile everyday. He is also so handsome, has the most beautiful smile, and takes care of himself/his body.
Above everything else, he makes me feel safe, secure, and truly happy. I never thought I could love someone this much. I’ve been hoping that he’s the man i’ll marry someday, since the 2nd day I knew him.
#58
I saw him caring for his young daughters early on in the relationship. i watched the way they sat on his lap and asked him to brush their hair after a bath. my heart melted. he's an amazing care taker, & he will help anyone. he's generous with his time.
#59
We rescued a dog who was not well enough to be spayed for a while so she had a few heats with us. My husband (boyfriend of 10 months ) asked me for a pair of panties and a pad and constructed a dog diaper for her and would clean up any messes from her period. This was a dog I sprung on him too.
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