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Women Point Out 82 Things And Behaviors They Refuse To Tolerate In Other Women Around
Some folks prioritize looking for red flags in their romantic relationships and nowhere else. Unfortunately, someone’s bad qualities don’t just come out if you are trying to get a second date. Making friends with someone who refuses to be normal can be just as bad.
A netizen posted “What are the red flags you notice in women as a “woman”?” and people shared their best examples, from ageism to acting incompetent for attention. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to add your own stories and experiences to the comments down below.
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#1
- No female friends. If all women hate her, listen to them
- Victim in every story. Everyone else was crazy/toxic/jealous
- Mean to waitstaff / nice to you
- Competes with every girl. Other women are always "pick me"
- Never apologizes, only explains.
- Keeps score with kindness. Does favors to use as leverage later
- Needs male validation to function.
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#2
As a woman.
Ageism against younger women.
My mother and I saw a young woman one day and had polar opposite reactions simultaneously
I said “omg look how cute she is!”
Mom said “omg her skirt, that’s disgusting”
It gave me flashbacks
As a little kid older women loved me! I loved the women around me. Then puberty hit and suddenly I was “up to something” or “knew what I was doing”
It was like I lost all the women I looked up to, overnight. - and no I didn’t know “what I was doing” tf
Noww I get what it was about.
Now when I see a young woman enjoying herself all adorned and dressed up, male gaze, pick me energy, just a phase
- whatever
I love it! I love that she’s enjoying herself and exploring her s**y side, I love watching women be feminine.
Watching girls finding their style as they grow. I throw out compliment’s compulsively.
Why would I be angry the young woman looks it?
Let them live.
#3
The big one is the same as with men: Ignoring personal boundaries, in any way from unwanted hugs to pushing food/drink I've said no to, to talking over me in conversation.
Anyone who uses too much jargon in their speech, too many buzzwords. At best, it signals intellectual conformity/trend-chasing; at worst, they're in a cult or culty ideology.
Let's start with the friend who only appears when something is on fire. Months of silence pass, then suddenly there is a dramatic voice message at midnight asking for advice, a ride to the airport, or a loan of your favorite jacket. Healthy friendships run on give and take, and Psychology Today lists ignored boundaries, backstabbing and mean comments among the clearest signs that a friend is doing more harm than good. If you are the only one keeping the group chat alive, that is not a coincidence. That is a clue.
Then there is the joke that is never really a joke. You know the type. Something cutting slips out, followed by a big grin and a reminder that you really need to learn how to take a joke. Psychologist Marisa Franco, who studies adult friendships, explains that lines like this, along with being told you are too sensitive, often act as a shield against accountability. She shares more phrases worth side eyeing in a column for CNBC, and it makes a great read before your next brunch.
#4
Copycats. They start off by being extremely likeable, mirroring your every trait and seeming very interested in you and your interests; then they start taking up the same hobbies and buying the same things as you. It ends up with them trying to take your place and trying to beat you at "being you". They are out to steal bfs, steal friends and steal your personality and uniqueness. Men just laugh it off saying "It's just a dress, maybe she just likes it too." but it goes way beyond that. This trope is extremely rare in male friendships but I've seen this trait in many women.
Acting like a helpless victim all the time, especially in front of men. This is a manipulation tactic used by many women, regardless of age. They do stuff behind your back but you can never openly blame them or speak to other people about their deeds, because they wouldn't believe you. They have the courage to attack you but don't have the courage to be confronted or exposed. They even make you doubt yourself because they're such a victim and such a nice person. Men don't understand this, because this tactic isn't used by other men as no man would want to seem powerless; they also tend to feel even more protective of a woman like this because it makes them feel like a powerful protector.
#5
Too gossipy. Some is okay and even a little fun but a woman who talks about everyone talks about you too.
#6
Women who ignore or are mean on purpose to another new woman at a job bc they are jealous then try to do things to upset you on purpose. They also seem to focus heavily on what you’re doing while not doing their work.
Women who say they are your friend then talk s**t behind your back and want to see you fail.
Women who openly admit to talking to guys in relationships or are married. If you know this woman RUN. She will try to destroy your relationship for her own happiness bc her life is a mess and she’s jealous.
Women who are mothers and neglect their kids.
Women who love drama. Have fights everyday and insert themselves into situations for the thrill of fighting with someone. Instigate fights between others they are jealous of or want to see fail.
Women who only know how to talk s**t about other ppl. They are talking s**t about you.
Women who bully other women bc again of jealousy or wanting to see them fail.
Women who are immediately touchy and calling you their best friend when you meet them. Compliment everything about you and wants to know everything about you. RUN.
Next up is the friendly rival. Friendship is not supposed to come with a scoreboard. If every promotion, new haircut, or vacation you share gets a flat reaction, a bigger story from them, or a suspiciously similar outfit at the next party, you might be dealing with a competitor in disguise. Therapist Perpetua Neo told Business Insider that this kind of person tends to hold back compliments and may even start copying you. Imitation is supposed to be flattery, but it feels different when it arrives with a side of silence every time you win.
#7
Red flag for me are women who feel the need to compete with other women.
It's one thing if it's a friendly competition or motivation. It's weird to become competitive with someone who has no idea that there is a competition.
#8
Someone who brags too much; changes tone all the time and cozies up when they need a favour.
#9
As a very active lesbian, I hate straight women who act like they're a lesbian and then later tell you that they just messed around with you.
There's trying to figure yourself out and being open with your bedroom partner about that. And then there's this weird a*s trope of women who are well aware that they are straight and still will just play with you because it makes them feel good about themselves.
Gossip deserves its own spotlight. Everybody vents now and then, but a friend who trades secrets like collectible cards will eventually trade yours too. Here is a simple test. If they happily take apart everyone else when talking to you, imagine what they say when you leave the room. Experts quoted by Women's Health South Africa note that a little complaining is normal, but once your friendship starts sounding like a reality show reunion, it is time to pay attention.
#10
Really religious women freak me out because you know when push comes to shove, they are not going to defend you because of some book or whatever .
#11
“Friends” who talk s**t about your partner, even if you’re in a healthy relationship. I noticed a pattern over the years where my best friend hated everyone I dated, even if they treated me amazingly and made me happy. Eventually when I was single for a while she started treating me like s**t directly, because she didn’t have anyone else to complain about. I realized she’s just really jealous of me.
#12
Pick me stuff, like bringing other women down for the sake of male attention or thinking you’re very different (and better) than other women due to your life choices (not wearing makeup, doing x or y for your husband, being more or less prudish, whatever).
Also, toxic jealousy or unreasonable boundaries. Having trust issues is understandable with the way some men might behave but it’s never a healthy behaviour to indulge in and make a huge part of your personality. Go to therapy before you meet the love of your life and ruin it all because you can’t stand that he has female friends or talks to his ex once a year.
Another giveaway is how you feel afterward. A great friend leaves you feeling lighter, understood, and maybe a bit sore from laughing. A draining one leaves you second guessing yourself and replaying the conversation in the shower. Psych Central points out that feeling worse about yourself after spending time together is a major warning sign, and that patterns of lying are a sure signal the friendship is unhealthy. Your gut is usually the first to notice, even when your brain is busy making excuses.
#13
Very obvious, but women who are moms on fb but not in real life. That is only a portion of how f****d up they are.
#14
High pitched baby voice as an adult usually means something really traumatic happened to her as a kid and she should be treated with empathy and kindness.
#15
'Pick me girls', basically girls and women who do things for male validation. 'Who needs enemies with friends like these' kind of people - gets upset if friends indirectly threaten her insecurities and gives backhanded compliments to them. Victim mentality. Main character syndrome.
Turns out a 'friend' of mine was all of these. But I didn't find out til much later when I decided to improve my social anxiety. Never made the connections until a few situations happened and a mutual asked me if there was any 'beef' with us, then it all made sense... Without that DM, I would've thought it was literally just all in my head and over thinking.
I also never really questioned her perspective of thigns because she was one of those straight A students in class, and I always saw her as smarter than me. But maybe she only kept me around as a friend because she thought she was better than me and it fueled her ego. The moment I indirectly threatened her insecurity, she dropped me lol.
Of course, nobody is perfect, and a red flag is not the same thing as a bad day. Good people forget birthdays, cancel plans, and say clumsy things when they are stressed. What matters is the pattern, and whether the person cares enough to listen and change when you bring it up. A friend who apologizes and actually improves deserves a second chance. A friend who flips the blame onto you every single time probably does not.
#16
I work in 2 jobs that deal heavily with other women Is it weird that I *usually* don’t see many red flags specifically to women? I will say one example of a red flag is if I say hello and she just looks at me without saying hello, or just doesn’t smile at me or seem like a girls girl. There’s more that I can’t think of rn because I’m surrounded by sweet angel goddess ladies ❤️.
#17
Character— any sense of financial manipulation. A friend is giving me signs she is willing to s***w someone else over if she doesn’t get her way, even if she’s in the wrong in RE to money, and I’m like aw hellll nooo.
#18
Overly sweetness “love u girl, omg” “I’m always here if you need me” “insert some bland exaggerated compliment here in a loud voice” hm u don’t know me.
#20
When a woman kind of tears apart or makes a slick comment about another woman being dolled up, especially if she herself doesn’t indulge in getting glam and prefers to be “natural”. It always has an undertone of jealousy/hater.
#22
I wouldn’t say there’s much but probably performance is what really gets me sometimes. Usually when you can spot a girl who’s performing in public it’s usually for the male gaze.
#23
Subtle jabs often through 'jokes'. Shift in tone and gestures when a man is around. Constantly talking about herself and doesn't seem interested in what others have to say. Gets jealous of other women being praised — colleague, freind, family or acquaintance.
#24
Main character syndrome - wont f*****g stop talking about herself.
Choosing and running after men instead of spending time with her woman friends of years.
Lack of empathy, it's only ever about herself. Lack of consideration that others have a life too.
Using people and not respecting them. Talking badly about the queer community or other women's faces or bodies. .
#25
Any woman who says that drama always follows her, or who says some variant of "i tell it like it is!" tend to be women who never really left high school.
#26
Some women fantasize too much and aren’t realistic in their endeavours when it comes to love, or even building a career.
Too much magical thinking and not enough math.
#27
Never want to hang out.. do breakfast , brunch, or anything like that but call when they need something.
#28
If they’re male-centered. I tried to be friends with a coworker of mine but the friendship just never really landed. I realized it’s bc every time we hung out the convo was always about them finding and attracting men or dealing with their exes. There is more to life than a man.
#29
When they date men who treat another group of women badly.
Once the man shows his true colors, they say he changed but he didn’t. The signs were always there. These types of women just look away as long as it affects others.
#30
This one might seem oddly specific - appearing to be woke, educating yourself about socio economic topics etc but treating girls in your peer group horribly. And have almost no close girlfriends .
#31
I cannot fail to notice women who think they need to perform in order to be liked. They'll either serve in order to be accepted/liked ("Oh, you need your dog taken to the groomer? I'll do that for you person I just met a week ago!") or don't stand up for themselves or refuse to state their own needs or whatever.
GIRL STOP! Take up space. Quit setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. People cannot be bribed into liking you.
I don't notice it in men. I think that's just because I was raised as a woman so don't recognize how men raised as men do their version.
#32
I’ve been bullied by other women since puberty basically. I’m 35 now. Here’s the central theme:
Talking really badly about others, and not like s**t talking btw besties, I’m talking about in group settings, or even worse, group settings at work.
Remarks that are “sarcastic” towards other women, but really are just mean. Little remarks that make you second guess yourself, but they’re hard to catch at first.
A woman who’s unable to be happy or thrilled about another woman’s success
They want to shine. If you outshine them, all of the sudden you’re a target. They try to steal your light any chance they get or dim it by being vicious.
Also, you can tell a lot about someone’s mannerisms and gaze. A safe woman is open, engaging, has friendly eyes, and disarming. Usually the ones that have bad intentions are distant, cold, and observing in a bad way.
#33
Older women who hate younger women and younger women who dis older women and use their age as an insult . I believe we are in a sisterhood and have so much to learn from one another ! I am 28 about to be 29 so am entering a stage where I am no longer extremely young but not wise like 40 year olds and up and I’ve made it my goal to protect younger women and learn from older women .
#34
Constant competition and comparison when it isn’t appropriate. It burned me out of working in certain industries like animal rescue and elementary and special ed. It’s so draining. And it makes me feel bad for the women who feel compelled to do this, why can’t we all just relax lol.
#35
Princess treatment. Some women out there, like a couple women I know, expect their man to do everything for them. I’m talking about always putting food on their plate, refilling their water, paying for them, etc. Yes it’s nice to be taken care of but you’re basically infantilizing yourself or treating your partner like a s***e.
#36
Every time I’ve come across a girl who constantly posts stories with a group of 4–5 guys where she’s the only girl, she somehow turns out to be a pick me in real life 😭. And I’ve noticed that even when she does post her female friends, if she’s always the only girl standing between 2–3 guys, I get the same vibe. I don’t know how to explain it, but somehow I’ve noticed this pattern way too many times.
#37
Doesn’t believe women, doesn’t think a woman could be a President, doesn’t want her friends to succeed, or doesn’t ever believe she may have contributed to negative/poor outcomes.
#38
Any woman upon meeting you who blows you tf up. Especially in virtual settings but also IRL settings if you have clout. Any woman who does that constantly and also fails to acknowledge others in the same space is a red flag.
Those who can’t share a platform and feel overshadowed by the mere presence of another female. Instead of perhaps seeing her as a potential friend or someone who could be of benefit somehow, they recoil at the sight of you and may pretend to engage with bland small talk.
Women who cannot genuinely celebrate the success of another woman even if that success has fuckall to do with her. Be wary of those women who cannot stand your wins and would rather steer clear of you and your success, perhaps even going so far as talk s**t about you and belittle your achievement or good fortune.
Women who are insecure POS when it comes to their male straight friends. The OPPOSITE are women who pose no threat to any of their mates relationships because they know to be respectful and they’re not the “captain save a bro” type. And also on this type of women, those women who bat fod.
#39
Wanting equality but refusing to treat their boyfriend or pay for anything. Refusing to make the first move or ask a guy out. Refusing to tip.
I am a girl fyi.
#40
Curious why this question is asked so often. I feel like it's a trap for women to bash each other for not being the *right* kind of woman.
#41
Changing their whole demeanor to be sweeter, cuter, more giggly as soon as a man enters the room.
#43
Women that are super friendly one day and then suddenly when you think they might be your friends they act like they just met you. This weirdos are up to no good, close your door as soon as these happens because they will try to get back in when they need something.
#44
Oh absolutely. The women who will stand in a circle facing everybody but the woman who's left out and actively ignore her, causing insecurities that lead to the behaviors /uncomfortably mentioned at the top of the thread
That, and weaponizing self-care.
#46
Women who will take up hours of your time complaining about their dates, but also place these men in pedestals. They take genuine concern about their bf/potential bf as criticism. Suddenly you’re a bad friend to them.
#47
I dropped a friend because she had almost exclusively guy friends and participated in this really gross dynamic where women who entered their circle or hit on “her” friends were mocked and humiliated. It was basically locker-room behavior directed at women.
#48
Most of the red flags I see come back to a lack of authenticity and some form of manipulation. Performing niceness, empathy, concern, vulnerability or friendship because you want to be seen a certain way, get validation, control an outcome or manage someone’s perception of you. Even gossip falls under that alot - being one way to someone’s face and then being someone else entirely when they leave the room. I can deal with flaws but not performance or people who just aren’t authentic or real.
#49
The toxic stuff some women say about men. Man up and saying things about p***s size, not showing emotions. As women we know all the toxic expectations that can be thrown on us, we should not be throwing it on men.
#50
They don’t believe your words. So when you express discomfort, they also dismiss, deny, deflect. They aren’t really for the progression of women in society because they are afraid of losing their own spot in society. Exhausting!
#51
When an attractive person gets away with behavior that isn't acceptable behavior from anyone.
Being self absorbed to the level of being mean isn't cute, it's just exploitative.
#53
A woman who says she's not a feminist and treats it as a bad word.
A woman who changes her name after marriage.
A woman who wants princess treatment without any desire to treat her partner with similar consideration. Nothing wrong with wanting princess treatment, but I judge when she just expects to receive and give little back (like treating her partner gently, caring for their needs as well, etc.).
A woman who says she doesn't have many girlfriends, finds women catty, or thinks there's only room for one woman at the table.
A woman who hates all men. Someone who doesn't have the ability to discern that most are problematic, but we can't write off half of humanity either like they often do to us.
A woman who reduces every feminist critique down to "it's okay if it's my choice" without thinking about how her choices are crafted by the society around her.
#54
Calling men gay as an insult when their ego is bruised, subtle passive social agression, clinging unto benevolent patriarchy, social policing and calling it good faith like "girl's girls".
#55
If they leave you to make your own way home after a night out drinking and you went out together.
#56
Women that proudly proclaim that they’re toxic. Or women that say they need a man that can handle them. Handle yourself. You’re an adult, not a wild animal. 🙄.
#57
Women who change their opinion when a man voices his, or women who talk like a baby or a little girl cause they think it's attractive to men. Last one gives me the heebie jeebies.
#58
Being too sugary sweet. I've got a pretty solid b******t-radar and every time I've come across women like that it's turned out they were terrible people.
#59
"Boys will be boys" or some s**t like that. Boys will be held accountable to their actions.
In a similar vein, "he's teasing you because he likes you / because he wants to get a reaction out of you". That to me just reads as "sorry sweetie, but it's easier for us to make you put up with it than to teach him to behave".
Especially as a transfem I find it so baffling how un-feministic some women can be, like, would they also deny themselves the right to vote some 100 years ago if they didn't take it for given as it (luckily) is today?
#60
A woman that claims to be a girls girl but doesn’t hesitate to vote away the rights of women and girls. Absolutely not to be trusted.
#61
-An obvious change in their behavior the moment a man is around them. It’s so disgusting.
-being a girl’s girl as long as you’re not better than them be it looks, smarts or anything else that you can think of.
-backhanded compliments
-being friends and close with EVERYONE. You simply can’t be friendly with every single person unless you’re a hypocrite. I will d*e on that hill
-performative politeness. I HATE ts….
#62
Men have this too but I've found it more common in women: they say they want someone who can hold a conversation but what they really mean is they want *you* to hold the conversation and let them talk about themselves. I don't think this is one that's easily missed though.
#63
I don't know how to explain it, but I find my "mean girl" detector is very good. Like, it won't be something very specific that I could verbalize if asked, but it's little things that make it very clear to me that someone is a "mean girl".
#64
Not liking other women to succeed or worse, sabotaging them. Especially in male dominated fields.
Judging women for their childbirth, weight, breastfeeding abilities, parenting etc - making it all a competition.
#65
- If they laugh with the men that’s poking jokes at u…
- And when they prioritize their boyfriends over their own friends. Don’t get me wrong I totally understand that ppl date, it’s just when you console your friend for what the boyfriend did or the reason for your friend being upset just to run back to him every time gets old after a while
- if you try to communicate with them that something upset you then they turn it into how YOU affected THEM to deny accountability is a no no.
#66
Women will say things about birth control/fertility knowing most men are oblivious, and will give the benefit of the doubt.
Her doctor did not tell her she's infertile. And infertile does not mean 'can't get pregnant'.
A red flaggy woman will claim infertility just because she slept around carelessly and hasn't got pregnant YET. When her luck changes, it is not a 'mIrAcLe'.
#67
They talk about all their good friends behind their backs. Not just normal venting but saying cruel things and then being nice to their face.
Also overly jealous. The kind where they get jealous if you hang out with other friends or just you existing around their SO.
#68
If she doesn’t have any serious hobbies. It’s important to have a purpose outside of work and relationships.
#69
Completely unsolicited critique or criticizing another women’s appearance in public as a conversation. Especially about a woman who clearly is wearing something special, unique, etc.
#70
Women who only ever talk about themselves and when you try to change the subject, they always find a backdoor way to turn the conversation back onto them. 🙄.
#71
When all they talk about is themselves, how pretty they are or super materialistic things. Gtfo here lol.
#72
Women who are immediately overly friendly with men & try the younger sister troupe with other women to make themselves seem naive when they're actually very much calculating.
Or, women who friendzone perfectly good men only to start hitting on those same men once a girlfriend is introduced.
Bleh. I can't stand either of them.
#73
Women who act like theres something wrong with being feminine, like wearing makeup, getting their nails and hair done. Theyre so insufferable to be around.
#74
Women who seem to think that everything is a competition. “You beat me to marriage AND motherhood”. 🙄.
#75
Women constantly taking on a new friend and branding them a best friend
See it at work and it freaks me out.
#76
S**t shaming to any degree is an instant out for me, but especially if it’s comments made towards another woman whose actual s****l history is completely unknown based on her speaking to men frequently or wearing revealing clothes.
#77
Women who support misogynistic views from men. They come off as pick me women. For example, a woman going on and on saying women shouldn't have voting rights... Just makes me go, girl whose attention are you trying to get?
#78
When they eye you up and down, “check you out” to see if you’re a threat or not. I noticed this a lot when I go out to the clubs in some parts of Latin America where there is hyper competition amongst women. I’m sure it happens in the USA too but my club experiences are mostly only in Latin America.
#79
I was hanging out with some friends, all men plus a woman I really admire. She started talking about how this woman in her office loves talking about football, and she clearly only likes it because of her husband?
Idk. I don't think every woman is being performative...
#80
As a possible female friend, someone who says “I don’t have friends because they have been too dramatic” … or “I never have had female friends” …. You would need to be to unlucky to never be able to develop female friendships. And people who says there is always drama … maybe you are the drama. On my 40 years of experience I would need to see the first women who is not like that when they say those words.
#81
Women who never like their brother or son's partners. Yucky. If I don't like my son's gf he will never know it because it won't run her off, it'll run him off.
#82
Look at her, she's not even shaving her armpits.' Yeah, and what of it? Don't shame others for their choices in how to present themselves."
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