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“I’m Letting Jesus Handle It”: 65 Casual Conversations That Proved Women Weren’t Wife Material
Guy meets the girl of his dreams, falls in love and just knows this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Until one day, some words come tumbling out and everything falls to pieces. Or, as Frank Sinatra once sang, "And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like..."
There are often defining moments in relationships that tell us all we need to know about the other person. They might be romantic gestures, kind words, considerate actions, or complete dealbreakers that crack our rose-tinted glasses, and have us seeing our partner in a whole different, dirty light.
Someone asked men online, “What did she casually say that confirmed she won't be your wife?” and what followed were plenty of love stories with unhappy endings. Bored Panda has put together a list of the best. There’s the woman who demanded her boyfriend not show his love for his son in front of her, the one who wanted Jesus to take the wheel when it comes to finances, and the ultimate catch who bluntly stated, “I’m not wife material.”
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#1
Told her friend to cheat to see if she still wanted to be with her boyfriend. You'll never guess what I found out she was doing less than two weeks later.
Asking, “How long should a man take to propose?” is like asking, “How long is a piece of string?” It really depends on the couple and their relationship.
When The Knot surveyed nearly 8,000 recently engaged couples in 2024, 30% had dated for two years or less before taking the next big step. 53% were together for two to five years, and 17% had been in a long-term relationship of six years or more.
There’s no one-size-fits-all, say many experts, including Amy Nobile, a dating coach and bestselling co-author of Just When You're Comfortable in Your Own Skin, It Starts to Sag.
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#2
I told her I teared up at the end of Toy Story 3 and she got really quiet. So I jokingly asked if she’d just lost respect for me and she said “Yeah, kinda”.
#3
I asked her about finances after we’d been dating a year. For reference, she worked as a ABA therapist with autistic kids. A super important job that frankly doesn’t get nearly the level of respect it warrants, but I digress. She made probably around as much as you can get at Micky-Ds, maybe a bit more. At the time I was working snd making slightly more than her.
I asked about finances and what her financial goals were, and she looked at me and said “oh it’s fine, i'm letting Jesus handle it.”
Now chat, i know what you’re thinking, “come on u/I_am_omning_it, clearly she meant a financial advisor.” Oh no, I asked, she thinks the son of god is apparently an accountant and he will balance her finances on her behalf.
There were other issues, but “Jesus can handle the money” was probably when I first realized “ooooooh this isn’t gonna work.”
"I want people to know that they have to ask the tough questions upfront in a relationship before they know if it's right to be engaged to somebody," she told The Knot. Nobile references what she calls the "three-four rule." It suggests people ask four important questions by the third date, or within the first three months of the relationship.
The first is, “Is there chemistry or a connection?”
The expert says while this might seem obvious, sometimes when people ponder this question, they realize that the connection isn't as strong as they’d like it to be, or that the chemistry isn't quite there.
#4
First, let me say she was perfect in every way… until she tipped her hat and revealed she was antivax.
I want kids. I am not bringing a child into the world and not getting them basic inoculations.
#5
"I still believe in the 1/3 rule when it's for an engagement ring. You make 90k, so a 30k ring is completely reasonable."
She BELIEVED! lol.
The second question, according to Nobile, is, "Are you aligned on core values?"
"Whether it's love, humor, family, honesty, integrity or kindness, journal your values. I always say a journal is your best friend," explains the expert.
Award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and the founder and CEO of Madison Park Psychological Services, Yasmine Saad says couples should be aligned on several core values, like children, religion, trust, communication, respect, and boundaries.
The experts agree that being aligned on core values will ensure that they remain bonded despite other differences.
“It also ensures that each party can be fulfilled, as living by one’s values is one of the key components to a purposeful and happy life,” adds Saad.
#7
Your children (from a previous marriage) will only be allowed at our place for two days every two weeks but they can’t spend the night.
#8
10 years ago I was dating a woman that seemed pretty wonderful and we had a ton in common. She had said her previous boyfriends just always stop dating her and ghosting her all of a sudden and didn't know why. One of the things we have in common is that we're very fit. I invited her to my regular game night to meet some of my friends, and when she learned that some of them are overweight the mask came off. She didn't want to meet them if they were fat and basically thought they shouldn't exist. Game over!
Now onto the third question to ask yourself long before getting engaged: "Is your partner emotionally mature and available?"
"That means you should ask about their past relationships, their part in the breakup, how they healed from it and what they want to do differently in their current relationship," explains Nobile.
Saad adds that if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you need to be comfortable with them. This concept applies to every aspect of your relationship, she told Brides.com. You should feel safe to be your authentic self and voice your opinions, and vice versa.
#10
Told me that one of our mutual friends who is in an open relationship recommended that we try it. When I brought it up to that friend, they had no idea what I was talking about and said they thought it would be a bad idea.
#11
3 months into engagement:
"Hey can I reach out to my ex just to chat?"
"Would you be open to an open relationship?"
Lmao.
#12
"Does this have to be an 'us' thing, or can it just be a 'you' thing?"
- my ex, all without looking up from her phone, when I told her my mother's cancer diagnosis was changed to terminal.
"Is your partner ready, in the same way that you're ready, to take the relationship to the next level?" is the final question Nobile suggests you ask yourself.
"We have to talk about these things," says the expert. "Some people will say to me, 'Oh, no, that's too scary. What if asking that question freaks that person out?' And my answer is, 'Well, there's your answer.'"
Saad agrees. She says while there are certain aspects of a proposal that should, or can, be kept secret, the two of you should both be on the same page when it comes to whether or not the time is right.
#13
Girl I was dating for a few weeks while I was dealing with my 83 year old mom with dementia and recently out of cancer surgery. Mom was just back from the hospital and still living at her home.
I told her I wasn’t available the upcoming weekend because I needed to take care of my mom.
Her response? “I don’t want to be a part of something where I don’t feel like I’m a priority”
I’m sorry. Is my mom’s cancer inconvenient for you?
The trash took itself out.
Shortly thereafter I met my now fiancee. We were trying to plan our first date and I told her I wasn’t available because I needed to take care of my mom.
HER response? “Do you want me to come over and help?”
Update- mom beat cancer, but unfortunately dementia is now winning. She’s in a nursing home getting the level of care we weren’t able to provide at home. My brother and I visit her almost daily.
#14
I bought myself a newer version of my car and she was very upset that I wasnt buying her a car. The entitlement.
#15
“When we get married it’s going to be all about me.”
Sounds like we’re not getting married then.
Saad believes that the two of you should have already discussed the possibility of marriage before the proposal happens.
"Simply put, if you and your significant other are really ready to move forward in your relationship, you should have already had a conversation about tying the knot, where you express your mutual desire to host a wedding in the future and commit to one another for a lifetime," explains Brides.com.
#17
I saw her talking to staff at a Burger King like they were dirt and knew she wasn't the type of person I wanted to be connected to in any way.
#18
Probably when I started going back to therapy (at her recommendation), felt better, and STARTED to tell her that she should start back too. "I'm gonna stop you right there. If the next words out of your mouth are that I need therapy. No. I've been to therapy. I have the worksheets to prove it. I know I'm not the problem". She kinda was though. Her last message to me said I should have [passed away] in a fire.
I have a lot less stress now.
Many relationship experts say it's best not to rush into things, and that you should date for at least one year before taking the plunge. This is generally after the honeymoon phase has passed, and you're no longer looking at your partner through rose-tinted glasses.
"Those who get engaged after three or more years are 39% less likely to get divorced than those who date for just one year," reports Brides.com, adding that on average, couples date for about 2.5 years before committing to one another for a lifetime.
#19
“You won’t have any say with the name. I’m the one who has to give birth and destroy my body, it’s my baby, not yours.”
#20
That she hated working and didn't want to work.
Her dad spent literally 500k on a top tier education and she did all with it. I cant be with someone I dont respect and I cant respect someone who squanders so much privilege.
#21
I was talking to a woman who dropped a story that confirmed she wouldn't even be my *girlfriend*:
we were swapping concert stories, and she told one about seeing a band (i don't remember their name, sorry) whose crowd brought out a lot of various pride flags. she described them (them being the crowd) as "not my type of people".
#22
That I should "get over him".
Him being my younger brother who passed away at age 32.
Never felt so alone in my life.
#23
“You didn’t pay enough attention to me so another guy came over and stayed the night with me”
Blocked on the spot. We’d been together for 4 years. Honestly at that point though her other behaviors were starting to grate on me so by the time she said that I wasn’t even mad, just tired so I yanked the plug and walked.
#24
I knew I wouldn't marry her when she said, 'I don't understand why you won't buy a nicer car. XYZ's boyfriend drives a nicer car than you, and I KNOW he makes less than you do!' She said this because she thought her friends would think that I was poorer than some other dude.
#25
“This kind of life would make me want to [off] myself.”
This was during a day that we were spending with my son, at a playground when she said it. She had absolutely been doing her best to make it work. That moment it really sank in that she was better off in the DINK life or with someone she could have her own kid with.
Frankly, it was far worse than my divorce. I was finally active and deciding what I wanted in a relationship and found the most amazing woman. Unfortunately, there was no way around me having a kid, who I put first, obviously.
It’s been a long time, but I hold my son while still missing her. It's my life now.
#26
She told me she had no discipline or self control. I don’t need to babysit a dysfunctional woman child.
#27
We were on holiday, I had cut my foot earlier in the day on the coral reef and was hobbling around with a limp in pain.
We went to dinner and I was going to propose over it, I had the ring in my pocket even.
The waiter, seeing me hobbling pulled out my chair for me and I sat down gratefully. She got annoyed that I sat down before her and didn't offer her the seat the waiter had clearly pulled out for me.
The ring remained in my pocket. The way she blew up at me despite me being in pain showed it wasn't the right moment for us.
Around 2 weeks after we got home from holiday, I came home from work to our apartment cleaned out. Turned out she had been cheating on me for months.
They had a kid together close enough to the end of our relationship that my friends questioned the possibility of it being mine (she's now like 16 and definitely not mine).
During Covid, I was trying to deal with some issues and as a result I sent her a message on FB expecting nothing from it forgiving her for what happened and explaining I understood how we ended up where we did. This sparked us talking, found the spark that attracted us to one another in the first place was still there... went on a date with her but during the date it became clear that whilst I could forgive, I couldn't forget and the memory of how I felt at the time we ended things meant I would never trust her fully. So we didn't rekindle the romance.
#28
"Just because we are together DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO STOP TRYING". This was the day after we decided to start dating, and triggered by my not returning her texts while I was sleeping. I told her that I will text her in my free time, when I am not working or sleeping and then hung up. I went back to sleep and turned off my phone. She unfriended me everywhere and sent me a bunch of messages. Then she wanted call me and explain why she got mad. I texted her "no" and just blocked her. The rest of my day was nice and peaceful.
#29
I had an ex that I did a lot for. Helped with some major things in her life. There were so many red flags but I was blinded. She used to give me so much [hard time] over nothing, and she would hit below the belt with her remarks and jokes. The worst was basically saying “who raised you?” Phrased as a rhetorical question, and then saying “Oh that’s right, you didn’t have *insert the parent the abandoned the family when I was a child*! You are ___-less!” Out of all of her mean spirited below the belt jokes, those were the worst, and those were the ones I knew I wouldn’t marry this mean spirited woman (among other reasons).
#30
"I have to tell you that while you were driving your parents around Dallas, I messed with another guy. It was just flirting but I'm not getting the attention I want from you." My step-mom was recently out of a major neck surgery and my dad is disabled, so I was a little occupied driving them around to various doctors appointments for a few days. After that there was no trust, and I suddenly became "worthless".
#31
Anything that suggests that she does not respect me (as a person), that she does not respect my hobbies.
E.g. making sarcastic comments on my job, or me gaming, or even how I compare to her ex. A man can tell whether she is joking or is just being disrespectful.
#32
“I will set her straight” as she talked to me about the house I was buying which would be our marital home since we were engaged. She was talking about my real estate agent who I’ve known and done business with for 15 years and also grew up and was married to a customer of mine who I also have been friends either for nearly 25 years.
Then she proceeded to call up my agent privately to tell her I was being cheap and we could afford way more house so she can safely ignore the budget I set out and essential double or even triple it.
That was absolutely insane imo. My budget was already far beyond the average cost of a house here in a high cost of living area… with great schools, safe neighborhoods, parks, highway access and big lots of land and nice old growth trees. My ex fiancé kept trying to get us to go to the richest neighborhoods and she wasn’t even putting any money down nor was she able to contribute to the house ownership in any meaningful way.
So glad I dodged that bullet.
#33
Literally speaking, it was "I [messed] up. I kissed another guy." (this happened literally while I was booking tickets to go spend summer with her, at about 3 AM). Hours later I told her we were done and she started calling and saying "Please don't do this".
After that, when imI was meeting new people, one of the girls I liked most didn't show up to my birthday party (honestly, only one friend showed up, two notified they couldn't) and just texted me next day like "happy birthday" and no apologies or anything.
#34
One: "I kissed another guy, but it's OK, he's not from this country."
Two: "I only need to pretend you're my boyfriend, because I already have one." (I had no idea.)
Three: "You have (blank) for a hobby? That's so childish." (It was actually most of my hobbies that she categorized in this way.)
Four: "(on our first date) When we get married, I don't want to work. You better support me."
#35
My ex used to say if I didn’t buy her expensive gifts, she’d just go find another guy who is rich. After saying that a couple of times, I just said go find that guy then and left.
#36
"You don't love me enough. You care about your family as much as me. You love your nephews more than me."
My nephews were 4 and a newborn at the time. We were talking about Christmas plans. We were dating and in college. I was talking about when we could spend time together during the holiday break. She suggested a Sunday night that was when my older nephew was going to be in a play at the church. I planned to go to that play and spend time with my family and celebrate my nephew.
We had a big fight, stayed together, but that was the beginning of the end. Trying to make me choose between doing nothing with her and my little nephews.
#37
She made a hypothetical where she myself and my first kid would be falling from a plane with only two parachutes. She was mad I chose to save my kid instead of her.
#38
First girl: "None of these people are my friends. I pretend to be their friend, because you have to keep your enemies close, so they can't back stab me." Also, "You can't talk to other women. All they want to do is separate us!" (She watched soap operas religiously and believed that is how EVERYONE acts)
Second girl, was actually engaged to briefly: "In the wedding vows I refuse to vow fidelity. Also, I want us to drink each other's blood during the wedding ceremony."
Ended that quickly after, and never even tried to get engaged again after that.
#39
She said she wanted kids. This was a few years into the relationship and neither of us wanted them until she changed her mind. And then that was the end.
#40
I'm not going to raise children, I'll hire a nanny so I can focus on myself.
I wanted and got a family life, I grew up emotionally abandoned and neglected. I am very happy I found a loving and caring wife who shares the same thought. The ex is still single, but she can focus on herself. I'm happy that she can be what she wants.
#41
We were at a party, and this old rich dude walked in with this young hot girl. She said "I'd like to live like that".
#42
It wasn’t something she said once. It was something she continuously said, which was, 'You don’t pay for my hair and nails.'
#43
Not necessarily the what she said but how it was said. The what was giant but she waited a couple days and was using the "cute" voice. Which I have always hated.
She threw up a huge red flag when she asked me to not show my love for my son, from my previous relationship that ended cuz my wife passed away, in front of her.
#44
Casually? Maybe not. But I knew when she yelled at our young daughter who had [wetted] her bed at night and wouldn't stop. That was what woke me up to the fact it wasn't going to work.
Also when she didn't want to wear the engagement ring... When she told me she wasn't sure she wanted to marry me...
When she yelled at me for two days straight just for asking a question about a possible holiday arrangement. A question which was yes/no. Two days.
When she refused to go to couples counselling...
And when she was surprised at me leaving.
Yeah. My point is that even if it was said casually or not, red flags should NEVER EVER be ignored.
If you do, like me, then you are to blame for what follows. Just like I was. It was my fault I let it get so bad.
#46
I don’t eat vegetables.
To be fair I wasn’t looking to marry anyway, but this made me dump her.
#50
"I should be the most important thing in your entire life" - we'd been dating 8 months. Unfortunately took me another 6 months to split and cut contact for good. The final straw was her throwing an hour long temper tantrum and accusing me of not loving her because I took a covid booster shot and said I was too tired to hang. Lifes been great without her.
#57
What's sadder than this comment section is the "women can do no wrong" or "technically" type replies. Sad, bitter women or white knight men.
#62
"Are you SURE you want to be with me? I'm kinda a lot"
When they question why you want them, you should as well. When they tell you who they are, believe them.
#64
"I don't want to be a military wife."
Welp
Edit: Hey, I didn't say she was a bad person for not wanting to be a military wife. She was a good woman and as far as I know she still is. I never would have married someone in the military either.
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