“I Am Rude And Disrespectful”: Woman Starts Behaving Like Male Colleague To Prove A Point

The number one rule of sending work-related emails is to remain professional. This ensures that workplace communication is clear and appropriate. However, email style can slightly vary depending on the individual who is writing the letter. For instance, women are usually more friendly and apologetic in their emails, while men tend to be more curt and direct.

Recently, fearing that she wasn’t being professional enough, this woman tried reversing the roles and adopted an email style that resembled her male coworkers. But to her surprise, her manager wasn’t happy with the way she was communicating and even called her rude.

Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with career clarity expert and certified career coach, Theresa White, and executive career coach at Wishingwell Coaching, Jessica Sweet, who kindly agreed to tell us more about women vs. men email styles.

Even in the most professional emails, employee’s personalities still shine through

Woman in red shirt looking at laptop, reflecting on email style being perceived as rude and unprofessional.

Image credits: user18526052 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Fearing that she wasn’t being professional enough, this woman changed her email style, for which she was called rude

Text describing a woman's experience copying men's email style, facing criticism for being rude and unprofessional.

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Text highlighting gender bias in email styles, addressing perceptions of tone as rude or disrespectful.

Woman copying men's email style, gets called rude; shows manager identical emails, manager embarrassed.

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Several studies have found that women email differently than men

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Several studies have found that women email differently than men. They suggest that females are more likely to use exclamation marks in their emails and phrases like ‘just,’ ‘I think,’ or ‘I feel.’ While men tend to be more confident, emotionally detached, and lighter on the exclamation points.  

“Women often use more polite, apologetic, and inclusive language, such as “just checking in” or “I think we should consider…” to soften their tone,” adds career clarity expert and certified career coach, Theresa White. “Men, on the other hand, tend to write more directly and assertively.”

“This difference likely stems from social conditioning—women are often taught to be agreeable and accommodating, while men are encouraged to be confident and decisive,” she further explains. “Workplace power dynamics also play a role, as women may feel pressure to come across as likable to avoid being perceived as aggressive.”

Men are generally writing shorter and more direct emails because (stereotypically) they worry less about what others think of them, making them less concerned about their recipients and offending them.

Meanwhile, women’s style of communication can sometimes be seen as soft or amateurish, stopping people from taking women seriously. In fact, a 2006 study has found that women’s communication style tends to be described in negative terms. Their use of exclamation points is seen as ‘markers of excitability’—implying that they lack stability and are emotionally random. 

Should women write emails like men?

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

So does this all mean that women should write like men? “Rather than women adopting a “male” style or vice versa, the best approach is to be intentional about communication,” White said to Bored Panda. “Women shouldn’t feel obligated to strip their emails of warmth, but they also shouldn’t default to overly apologetic language if it undermines their authority.”

“A person’s email style should match their personal conversation style,” said executive career coach at Wishingwell Coaching, Jessica Sweet. “A reader of your email should get a sense of what it’s like to speak with you or work with you from reading your emails. For example, are you an all-business type of person? Are you warmer and more personable? Your email style should convey that. No one should try to be someone they aren’t, even over email. The exception is if they receive feedback that they are being rude or unprofessional, in which case their style may need to adapt overall, not just in email.”

White mentions that men may also benefit from incorporating more collaborative language to build stronger workplace relationships. “The goal isn’t to conform but to communicate effectively—balancing clarity with approachability based on the situation and audience,” she explains.

According to Sweet, the best way to write an email is to be warm yet maintain good boundaries, be clear and offer concise next steps or action. “For example, it might open with a greeting and an expression of hope that the other person had a good weekend, the meat of the email, and then the next steps, ask or action needed.”

“A professional email should be clear, concise, and respectful,” agrees White. “Start with a direct subject line, get to the point in the first sentence, and avoid unnecessary softening language like “just” or “sorry to bother you.” Use a confident but courteous tone, and end with a clear call to action. If warmth is appropriate, a simple “Hope you’re doing well” or “Looking forward to your thoughts” can maintain approachability without diminishing authority. The key is to ensure your message is understood while also fostering positive professional relationships.”

Readers applauded the woman for bringing up this issue with management

Comments on gender inequality and email style in workplace discussion.

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While others also shared similar stories

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