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189
“Why Are You Being Like This”: Woman Gives Husband An Ultimatum To Start A Family
Politics in the United States have been tumultuous for years, pushing many people to pack their bags and find greener pastures elsewhere. Given the unfavorable views of recently elected President Donald Trump, this trend may continue through his second term in office.
The author of this story is in a similar position in that she refuses to have children in the US. She then gave her husband an ultimatum: either leave the country, go child-free, or divorce. The man seemed offended by the proposal and questioned her motives.
The woman was at a loss for words and turned to the internet for answers and clarity. Scroll down to read the entire text.
RELATED:
Many American citizens feel uneasy about the country’s current political climate
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman refuses to have children in the US and told her husband about it
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
She then gave him an ultimatum, which he didn’t appreciate
Image credits: ThrowRAFeeltogd
Donald Trump’s presidency drove many people away in 2016 and is doing so again in 2024
The story’s author is part of the demographic of Americans who want to leave the country after Donald Trump’s recent election win. A 64-year-old Chicago-based lawyer named David told Fortune about his plans to move to Portugal.
The man, who requested anonymity, disclosed his lingering fears of harassment, along with concerns of a toxic political climate. As he told the publication, he had been scouting for a home since April with a $500,000 budget.
“This country of mine has become intolerant,” he said, while also stating he had made peace with the fact that he “could be shot dead at any moment” in the US. The threat of gun violence was one of David’s many reasons to move 4,500 miles across the Atlantic.
Trump’s first term in 2016 forced many Americans to move to Canada. A 2020 report by CTV News revealed that more than 6,800 people attempted to apply for permanent residency in the country in 2015. The following year, the number grew to 7,700, jumping again in 2017 to more than 9,000.
Canada is still a top choice among US citizens planning to flee the country to avoid Trump’s second term in office. According to a report by NDTV World, Google searches for “move to Canada” spiked by 1,270% within 24 hours after the East Coast finalized the polls on Tuesday. New Zealand and Australia are also top choices.
The apprehension and concerns of many people like the author are understandable. Feeling unsafe in your own country must be unsettling, and it likely pushed her to give the strict ultimatum.
Reframing the potential sacrifices can help couples power through and finalize a significant life decision
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author has felt uneasy about living in the US for the past three years, which means she has been carrying quite a heavy burden for some time now. As a spouse, the husband should at least hear her out.
Experts advise against individualism in discussions about such significant decisions. In an interview with GQ, psychology professor Dr. Kelly Campbell encourages people to ask what’s best for the relationship instead of what favors the individual.
“Stay on each other’s team,” she emphasized.
Couples therapist Irina Firstein, LCSW, echoed a similar sentiment. In the same GQ interview, she advised the person compromising to reframe their thoughts to avoid resentment.
“Feel good that you are the strong one in the relationship because you can tolerate better than the other person not having your way,” she said.
It may benefit the couple to have a lengthy conversation if necessary. They should weigh the pros and cons and see what works best for the situation. If it comes down to a divorce, they aren’t compatible.
What do you think, readers? How should the couple handle their situation?
Some commenters sided with the author and offered her some advice
Others accused her of “being overly dramatic” and chided her for “wanting to ruin her marriage over a president”
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What do you think ?
Kaedyn Walsh 1 year ago (edited)
I bet every negative reply she got was from.... i'll give you 3 guesses and the first two don't count). But yeah, I don't blame her at all. If I had the means, I'd move to New Zealand or Iceland or Scotland or Switzerland or Sweden or ... since I'm getting tired of people and need a severe people break, maybe move temporarily to Svalbard Island. Polar bears would be less threatening and deadly than those terrifying evangelical extremists that Trump's moved and is moving in all formats of the government. (Did I say Trump? I meant 'the malignant Cancer'. He was a growing tumor during the past 8 years and he's finally metastasized.) They want to not just do a complete abortion ban Countrywide, but also have been and are clucking about banning all contraception. Watch them ban IVF also. "You don't want to birth a baby? we'll force you to" "You desperately want a baby but can't conceive naturally and want IVF? We're banning that, sorry not sorry." Repulsive.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
Uh oh, "man vs bear" again but this time it's "Trumper vs polar bear". ;)
Load More Replies...
Secret Squirrel 1 year ago
Why anyone with other options would raise children in a place where they have active shooter drills is beyond me.
Mike F 1 year ago
Quoting a former coworker, get out while you can. I'm too old to make that move otherwise I would in a heartbeat. The next few years are going to be very difficult for a whole lot of people, but more so for a woman. So many people so filled with hate that feel like this is the best alternative.
Kaedyn Walsh 1 year ago
The ONLY thing that will make me feel pure, total schadenfreude is the fact that the great great majority who voted for Trump (basically women, latinos, poc, elderly & most caucasian men) WEILL be regretting what they've done. They've voted against their own interests and it's going to bite them hard. "I never thought the Leopard would eat MY face!" Says the person who voted for the 'Leopards Eating Peoples Faces' Party. I tell ya, the reddit group called LeopardsAteMyFace is going to be my GoTo place most of the next 4 years, if just to laugh at them and talk c**p about how dumb they were. I DO feel bad for the rest of us who didn't vote for the Narcissistic Cancer. Everyone innocent will suffer and i hate it.
Load More Replies...
María Hermida 1 year ago
"Who the hell throws their life plans away over politics?" How can people be so stupidly delusional? Or are they just a bunch of imbeciles? Politics is EVERYTHING. Jesus Christ! I can't believe any adult with half a functional neurone fails to understand politics determines your whole life!!! Health care, basic rights, education for your children, peace and war... EVERYTHING IS POLITICS. I think OP is dead right. There are a lot of countries I wouldn't go to, let alone live in, if I had half the chance to choose, obviously, and the USA is in that list. I don't even feel like visiting it, despite all the beautiful landscapes and cosmopolitan cities. No way. Too risky, and turning into a heartless Gilead at top speed. Those who can, run as fast as you can. (By the way, I'm a middle-aged European citizen... Single. We do have our fair share of problems, but I would be willing to help...
sturmwesen 1 year ago
We can help with small stuff. I donated to planned parenthood yesterday since I feel that's all I can do. Find a cause.
Load More Replies...
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
OPs feeling are very relevant no matter who agrees or doesn't because it's how she feels. One thing she could offer as a benifit is medical care in Canada, housing costs, lack of gun crime... but really push the health care - pregnancy is high risk for even perfectly healthy women, so many things can go wrong and that will cost thousands in the US. It's close enough to the US to make visits possible and if the children are born in Canada a Canadian passport is open to more countries than the US. Personally I would leave the USA even without OPs reason. It feels like it's a very unsafe country right now and has been getting worse over the last 8years
sturmwesen 1 year ago
It's not about politics but about safety.. and if you can improve your safety without hurting others go for it.
Nikole 1 year ago
But it IS about politics, because only one party doesn’t care about women.
Load More Replies...
TruthoftheHeart 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly our country is starting to scare me right now and I'm a Cherokee/ white woman born here!! Which at least keeps me safe from the people hunting " illegals"( except the few who see all dark skin as an offense) , but since Trump just won presidency again and after how last time went, alot of us are scared now. Seriously everyone stay safe out there!
Boo 1 year ago
I emigrated to the UK almost 30 years ago. Best thing I've ever done in my life and I am not ever moving back. My girls have dual citizenship and they don't want to visit or move there and I don't blame them one bit. I know we have our probs here....the economy (thanks Tories for the austerity policies for 14 years for tanking social services and lettuce Liz with her mini budget), but I would hands-down take this over that. My heart goes out to fellow Americans who are stuck in this nightmare and can't escape.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Terrifying that it’s only men, including her husband, who are saying OP is being unreasonable. They’re the ones who benefit from having that a*****e and his entire political party in charge (personally, I believe there actually WAS a load of fraudulent activity going on with ballots and vote counts, perpetrated by republicans, but I know my party isn’t goin to the extremes the other side went to in 2020). But one day soon, the full effects will drop on them, and they’ll realize their mistake in not listening to the women in their lives.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
Ignoring the election and politics and all that. OP is scared to the point where she doesn't see it as safe to raise a family in the US, and all her husband does is asking why she's being like that. Shouldn't he be a bit more concerned that his wife is for some reason terrified of living in his home country? Even if he thinks her concerns are silly or unfounded he should care more that his wife is ready to give up on a decade of a relationship over this. Why does he seem like he doesn't care or is annoyed at most?
Kaedyn Walsh 1 year ago (edited)
I bet every negative reply she got was from.... i'll give you 3 guesses and the first two don't count). But yeah, I don't blame her at all. If I had the means, I'd move to New Zealand or Iceland or Scotland or Switzerland or Sweden or ... since I'm getting tired of people and need a severe people break, maybe move temporarily to Svalbard Island. Polar bears would be less threatening and deadly than those terrifying evangelical extremists that Trump's moved and is moving in all formats of the government. (Did I say Trump? I meant 'the malignant Cancer'. He was a growing tumor during the past 8 years and he's finally metastasized.) They want to not just do a complete abortion ban Countrywide, but also have been and are clucking about banning all contraception. Watch them ban IVF also. "You don't want to birth a baby? we'll force you to" "You desperately want a baby but can't conceive naturally and want IVF? We're banning that, sorry not sorry." Repulsive.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
Uh oh, "man vs bear" again but this time it's "Trumper vs polar bear". ;)
Load More Replies... Secret Squirrel 1 year ago
Why anyone with other options would raise children in a place where they have active shooter drills is beyond me.
Mike F 1 year ago
Quoting a former coworker, get out while you can. I'm too old to make that move otherwise I would in a heartbeat. The next few years are going to be very difficult for a whole lot of people, but more so for a woman. So many people so filled with hate that feel like this is the best alternative.
Kaedyn Walsh 1 year ago
The ONLY thing that will make me feel pure, total schadenfreude is the fact that the great great majority who voted for Trump (basically women, latinos, poc, elderly & most caucasian men) WEILL be regretting what they've done. They've voted against their own interests and it's going to bite them hard. "I never thought the Leopard would eat MY face!" Says the person who voted for the 'Leopards Eating Peoples Faces' Party. I tell ya, the reddit group called LeopardsAteMyFace is going to be my GoTo place most of the next 4 years, if just to laugh at them and talk c**p about how dumb they were. I DO feel bad for the rest of us who didn't vote for the Narcissistic Cancer. Everyone innocent will suffer and i hate it.
Load More Replies... María Hermida 1 year ago
"Who the hell throws their life plans away over politics?" How can people be so stupidly delusional? Or are they just a bunch of imbeciles? Politics is EVERYTHING. Jesus Christ! I can't believe any adult with half a functional neurone fails to understand politics determines your whole life!!! Health care, basic rights, education for your children, peace and war... EVERYTHING IS POLITICS. I think OP is dead right. There are a lot of countries I wouldn't go to, let alone live in, if I had half the chance to choose, obviously, and the USA is in that list. I don't even feel like visiting it, despite all the beautiful landscapes and cosmopolitan cities. No way. Too risky, and turning into a heartless Gilead at top speed. Those who can, run as fast as you can. (By the way, I'm a middle-aged European citizen... Single. We do have our fair share of problems, but I would be willing to help...
sturmwesen 1 year ago
We can help with small stuff. I donated to planned parenthood yesterday since I feel that's all I can do. Find a cause.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
OPs feeling are very relevant no matter who agrees or doesn't because it's how she feels. One thing she could offer as a benifit is medical care in Canada, housing costs, lack of gun crime... but really push the health care - pregnancy is high risk for even perfectly healthy women, so many things can go wrong and that will cost thousands in the US. It's close enough to the US to make visits possible and if the children are born in Canada a Canadian passport is open to more countries than the US. Personally I would leave the USA even without OPs reason. It feels like it's a very unsafe country right now and has been getting worse over the last 8years
sturmwesen 1 year ago
It's not about politics but about safety.. and if you can improve your safety without hurting others go for it.
Nikole 1 year ago
But it IS about politics, because only one party doesn’t care about women.
Load More Replies... TruthoftheHeart 1 year ago (edited)
Honestly our country is starting to scare me right now and I'm a Cherokee/ white woman born here!! Which at least keeps me safe from the people hunting " illegals"( except the few who see all dark skin as an offense) , but since Trump just won presidency again and after how last time went, alot of us are scared now. Seriously everyone stay safe out there!
Boo 1 year ago
I emigrated to the UK almost 30 years ago. Best thing I've ever done in my life and I am not ever moving back. My girls have dual citizenship and they don't want to visit or move there and I don't blame them one bit. I know we have our probs here....the economy (thanks Tories for the austerity policies for 14 years for tanking social services and lettuce Liz with her mini budget), but I would hands-down take this over that. My heart goes out to fellow Americans who are stuck in this nightmare and can't escape.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Terrifying that it’s only men, including her husband, who are saying OP is being unreasonable. They’re the ones who benefit from having that a*****e and his entire political party in charge (personally, I believe there actually WAS a load of fraudulent activity going on with ballots and vote counts, perpetrated by republicans, but I know my party isn’t goin to the extremes the other side went to in 2020). But one day soon, the full effects will drop on them, and they’ll realize their mistake in not listening to the women in their lives.
Royal Stray 1 year ago
Ignoring the election and politics and all that. OP is scared to the point where she doesn't see it as safe to raise a family in the US, and all her husband does is asking why she's being like that. Shouldn't he be a bit more concerned that his wife is for some reason terrified of living in his home country? Even if he thinks her concerns are silly or unfounded he should care more that his wife is ready to give up on a decade of a relationship over this. Why does he seem like he doesn't care or is annoyed at most?
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