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Molly Kochan was an author who lived what can only be described as a storybook life. It may not have been pure and happy in the ways some people would think, but her final years after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer fulfilled her in her own way.
Now, her story is finally being told in the recently released TV miniseries Dying For S–x, which stars Oscar-nominee Michelle Williams.
Highlights
- Molly Kochan left her husband after her cancer diagnosis, bedding 200 men to seek joy.
- Molly's final blog post shared her what her unconventional journey was like before her passing.
- Kochan stated s*x made her feel alive, despite people's judgment of her choices.
The 45-year-old passed away in March of 2019, more than a decade after she first visited the doctor after discovering a lump in her breast.
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Molly Kochan bed 200 men and left her husband before her cancer-related passing — but also left an emotional note behind on her blog
Image credits: nikkiboyer
She was then diagnosed with breast cancer and although she underwent a double mastectomy as well as chemotherapy and radiation treatment, her illness was sadly incurable, and doctors couldn’t do much as the cancer spread to her lymph nodes, then her bones, brain, and liver.
However, after she received the heartbreaking news in 2015 that she only had a few years to live, Kochan decided that she wanted to make the most of the time she had left.
For her, this meant walking away from her 15-year marriage with her husband in favor of “seeking joy,” which translated to sleeping with as many men as possible, since s–x has always made her “feel alive” and was a “great distraction” from her illness.
Image credits: nikkiboyer
The author was well aware that plenty of people would judge her for her last decisions — so she wrote a touching message just before she passed, posting on her blog which was named “everything leads to this.”
She gave a recount of her experience bedding more than 180 men in the post titled “I have d–ed,” telling her supporters that it managed to bring her joy in her final days.
“So many people who d–e, specifically of cancer it seems, write viral letters about embracing life,” Kochan wrote. “Eat an avocado every day. Tell your mean neighbor his lawn looks nice. Don’t hesitate, quit your job, go to Bora Bora.
Kochan was well aware that her idea of finding joy was a little unconventional
Image credits: nikkiboyer
“And then they go on to tell you about the last few months of their lives under palm trees, with a once scabies-infected dog. Often accompanied by an impossibly healthy looking person and partner.”
Kochan admitted that those weren’t the lessons she wanted to share; those weren’t the things that made her happy. But her list wouldn’t affect anyone who was reading it.
Image credits: FX Networks
She reassured those she loved that her “last days were great” and that she was surrounded by “the people who were meant to be there.”
The author knew she had “no control” over what happened next, but it still occasionally frustrated her to watch her abilities fade over time.
“I get angry when I can’t sit up to type,” she shared. “There are projects I am hoping to finish before I go. But I have no control over any of that. The only thing I can work on is being without the guilt of not doing.
The author passed away in March 2019
Image credits: FX Networks
Image credits: FX Networks
“Accepting that my days are what they were. As a side note, if you are angry at me for not reaching out, totally understandable. My de–th process had to be a small and contained one.”
Kochan continued, “I likened it to a de–th dinghy. As I floated farther from the shore, I knew one more body would throw off the beautiful balance and safety I worked hard to create.
“That’s not to say that the love and connections we shared weren’t real. They all were. But if you need to get pissed at me, go for it. I think I might if I read this note from a good friend who was suddenly not there.”
The new miniseries Dying for S–x tells Kochan’s story
According to LadBible, Kochan believed she wouldn’t have been able to participate in the s–xcapades she did if it weren’t for her terminal cancer, sharing that while she may want to, she always erred on the side of caution.
The author also opened up to her friend Nikki Boyer in a podcast, also named Dying for S–x, about her trauma and her childhood, claiming that one of her mother’s boyfriends had ab–sed her when she was just seven.
“She would always say s–x felt like the antithesis of de–th,” Boyer said to The Times. “Being physically on fire made her feel alive. A lot of people think, ‘She’s just having s–x, f–cking around to make herself feel good.’
“But it wasn’t just about that. There was healing of old wounds. Her whole life she felt fragmented and during s–x she was allowed to make her own choices and put the pieces together for herself.”
Image credits: nikkiboyer
A few particular sentences in Kochan’s final blog post reflected just that.
“I wish I could cap off the whirlwind hospital story with an amazing tale about a guy who swept me off my feet and made me blush, but my visitor never showed up,” she admitted.
“I realize I did get to fall in love. I am in love. With me.”
Kochan’s decision of fulfilling “joy” sparked mixed reactions
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I can’t help but wonder how her ex-husband felt about this - if he still loved her, he had to literally watch her díe from afar, all while sleeping with other dudes. I’m not shítting on her decision to do what she did - it was her life and her deáth - but if her husband still loved her and wanted to be at her side through her illness, he must have suffered emotionally tremendously from her decision. Just kinda sucks.
Tyranamar 8 months ago
Something was off about the marriage before the diagnosis. When you find out you’re dying. And your first thought is I need to have some fun so I better ditch this loser. Something was wrong to start with.
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Pwhge Kfkfgnme 8 months ago (edited)
What a biased set of options you give us to express our opinion of Chemo Bonnie Blue. Was she stunning and brave or brave and stunning. All my sympathy is with the guy who wasted 15 years of his life on her
LakotaWolf (she/her) 8 months ago
I can’t help but wonder how her ex-husband felt about this - if he still loved her, he had to literally watch her díe from afar, all while sleeping with other dudes. I’m not shítting on her decision to do what she did - it was her life and her deáth - but if her husband still loved her and wanted to be at her side through her illness, he must have suffered emotionally tremendously from her decision. Just kinda sucks.
Tyranamar 8 months ago
Something was off about the marriage before the diagnosis. When you find out you’re dying. And your first thought is I need to have some fun so I better ditch this loser. Something was wrong to start with.
Load More Replies... Pwhge Kfkfgnme 8 months ago (edited)
What a biased set of options you give us to express our opinion of Chemo Bonnie Blue. Was she stunning and brave or brave and stunning. All my sympathy is with the guy who wasted 15 years of his life on her
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