We talk a lot about timelines — when you should get your education, where you should be in your career, how old you have to be when you get married, and the age when it's OK to start having children. We feel the pressure to not only have these things but when to have them as well. One Instagram account, however, is rejecting these constraints with style. And humor. 'Not Engaged' is dedicated to one woman's ringless left hand traveling to places and events while using the hashtag #blessed. And she's not alone. The account already has over 103k followers who call her 'Queen' and enjoy every step of her journeys.

#1

When Ur #notengaged And From This Single Hand To Yours, Merry Christmas. You Are Important And Valued And Santa Loves You No Matter How Much Bling You Have. Like, He Brought Me An Individual Sized Ice Cream Maker, Santa Embraces Singledom Ya Know!? Merry Christmas You Old Building And Loans ❤️🎄❤️🎄❤️💃🏻 Xo -Mary #blessed

When ur not engaged and from this single hand to yours, merry christmas. you are important and valued and santa loves you no matter how much bling you have. like, he brought me an individual sized ice cream maker, santa EMBRACES SINGLEDOM YA KNOW!? MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU OLD BUILDING AND LOANS xo -Mary

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Wyndmere 1 month ago

A- hem; Santa is married, but he still brings single people presents. Go lasso the moon for your own enjoyment, Mary. Merry Christmas. — I think I just heard a bell ring.

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"I created Not Engaged after traveling home from an engagement party," the creator of the account, Mary McCarthy told Bored Panda. "On the way back, I picked up some tacos and texted my friends a picture of my hand with the caption, 'When you're not engaged but at least you have tacos.' The rest is history."

#2

When Ur #notengaged And U Cook A Family Sized Meal But The Family Is Just Ur Own Lil Tum Tum Which Is Fine Can U Imagine Having To Share Food Like Someone Is All Like “Babe Can I Try A Lil?” Dude No I Need Every One Of These Potatoes Get Out Get Out Josh #blessed Xo

When ur not engaged and u cook a family sized meal but the family is just ur own lil tum tum which is fine can u imagine having to share food like someone is all like “babe can i try a lil?” dude no i need every one of these potatoes get out GET OUT JOSH

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Colin Leetham 1 month ago

My fries are my fries...

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"Despite how far we've come, there is always a focus on getting married and having kids," she said. "You just can't escape it. What I think has been an eye-opener for me, is that single, engaged, and married women have followed and are fully behind the content. Everyone's just out there living their lives. And sometimes it's amazing and we're out traveling the world, taking it by storm, and sometimes we're stuck at home on a Friday night, cleaning our tub. What I know for sure is that it will be true whether you are in a relationship or not, so just enjoy it and do your best not to compare yourself to anyone else."

#3

When Ur #notengaged And U Wrote A Lil Birthday Poem: ‘Twas The Night Of Ur Bday And All Through The Kitchen, All Ur Dishes Were Clean, Lol No Guy Helped Pitch In.
ur Presents Were Wrapped All Cute With Such Care, By Empowering Folks Who Have Always Been There.
ur Home Was In Order, Just How U Like. Because U Knew Better Than To Go Out With Mike (I Mean He Insisted On Neon Plastic Cubes For A Side Table, What Is He Insane? It’s Not Sustainable. But I Digress...) Now Chickpeas! Go Travel! Go Invest! Go Explore! Go Buy Ur Own Place! Go Build Ur Own Store!
i Can’t Thank U Enough For Following Along. Even Jenna From Accounting Is Joining The Throng (Ugh Maybe. She’s Such A Flake Tho...) Anyway Thank U My Dears, Every Woman (And Man!) Plz Wear Sunscreen, Be Kind, And Never Text Dan.
xo
tacos And Thanks,
mary

When ur not engaged and u wrote a lil birthday poem: ‘twas the night of ur bday and all through the kitchen, all ur dishes were clean, lol no guy helped pitch in.

ur presents were wrapped all cute with such care, by empowering folks who have always been there.

ur home was in order, just how u like. because u knew better than to go out with mike (i mean he insisted on neon plastic cubes for a side table, what is he insane? it’s not sustainable. but i digress...) now chickpeas! go travel! go invest! go explore! go buy ur own place! go build ur own store!


i can’t thank u enough for following along. even jenna from accounting is joining the throng (ugh maybe. she’s such a flake tho...) anyway thank u my dears, every woman (and man!) plz wear sunscreen, be kind, and never text dan.

xo

tacos and thanks,

Mary

notengaged Report

Over time, the account has turned into this incredible community of women empowering each other and reminding one another that no matter where you are in your life, you're doing great. "I see a lot of weddings, and engagement photos, and the like (which is amazing, yay love) but that can make single ladies feel isolated when it's every other photo and we are all consumed in the social machine," Mary explained. "Despite the flood of engagement photos in your social media feeds, I hope my account can be a fun little reminder that you are not the last single woman left on the planet. No matter what your aunt says. Your life shouldn't feel smaller because you don't have a significant other."

#4

When Ur #notengaged Hangin In A Cute Lil Sun Bed Watchin The Paddle Boaters Go By Who R All Like “Babe Watch Me.” No, Babe, Get On Ur Own Paddle Boat And Paddle Paddle Paddle Out To Sea Cuz U Don’t Have Time To Watch Ur BF Have Fun While U “Keep An Eye On The Stuff.” Boy Buy A Waterproof Bag! The Gospel Of Of Notengaged Amen. #blessed

When ur not engaged hangin in a cute lil sun bed watchin the paddle boaters go by who r all like “babe watch me.” no, babe, get on ur own paddle boat and paddle paddle paddle out to sea cuz u don’t have time to watch ur bf have fun while u “keep an eye on the stuff.” boy buy a waterproof bag! the gospel of of notengaged amen.

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Wyndmere 1 month ago

Amen. Catch some rays or catch some waves; the choice is yours.

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#5

When Ur #notengaged And Ur Single And It’s Valentine’s Day And Ur Gonna Get Chinese Food And Movies Just Like A True Single This Day. And Honestly It’s Great. Cuz Ur Gonna Take Back This Day For Self Love Or Roomie Love Or Best Friend Love Cuz Love Will Not Be Hijacked By Flying Babies With Bows And Arrows Just For Couples. You Hear Me My Single Chickpea Army!? This Day Is For All. U R My Internet Valentine. Its Not Just For Jenna In Accounting With Her Dumb Ring And Her Crossfit Fiancée. And Guess What Else? U Survived The Holidays, U Survived New Years, And Now U’ve Survived The Last Dumb Little War On Shoving This Pressure Of Love Down Ur Throats For The Season. Now We Go, Onto The Breach For Spring And Discounted Candies And All The Good Times. #blessed Love U All. Happy Thursday. U R Important And Special And The Best.

When ur not engaged and ur single and it’s valentine’s day and ur gonna get chinese food and movies just like a true single this day. and honestly it’s great. cuz ur gonna take back this day for self love or roomie love or best friend love cuz love will not be hijacked by flying babies with bows and arrows just for couples. YOU HEAR ME MY SINGLE CHICKPEA ARMY!? this day is for all. u r my internet valentine. its not just for jenna in accounting with her dumb ring and her crossfit fiancée. and guess what else? u survived the holidays, u survived new years, and now u’ve survived the last dumb little war on shoving this pressure of love down ur throats for the season. now we go, onto the breach for spring and discounted candies and all the good times. Blessed love u all. happy thursday. u r important and special and the best.

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James Thompson 4 weeks ago

I wish that she would have taken the time to type out full words. "Ur" really sticks out and makes the author seem lazy and juvenile. "I want to b ur girlfriend. Check yes or no"

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#6

When Ur #notengaged Waiting For The Train And U Look Down And There Are The Remnants Of A 🧐 Proposal Gone Wrong? Breakup Gone Right? Deadly Florist Battle? Idk What Happened Here But Im Gonna Go Home And Buy My Own Flowers, And I’ll Be Like “Will U Take Urself And Be The Coolest Person In Whatever U Do For The Rest Of Ur Life?” And U’ll Be Like “Self, U Had Me At ‘After Picking Up Shampoo Im Gonna Get Avocados For Guacamole, They Are On Sale.’” Until That Guy Texts Me Back Tho We’ll See #committoyourself #blessed

When ur not engaged waiting for the train and u look down and there are the remnants of a proposal gone wrong? breakup gone right? deadly florist battle? idk what happened here but im gonna go home and buy my own flowers, and i’ll be like “will u take urself and be the coolest person in whatever u do for the rest of ur life?” and u’ll be like “self, u had me at ‘after picking up shampoo im gonna get avocados for guacamole, they are on sale.’” until that guy texts me back tho we’ll see

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Colin Leetham 1 month ago

I want to see a florist fight!

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#7

When Ur #notengaged On Ur #nothoneymoon Havin A Cute Lil Swim Up To The Cute Lil Swim Up Bar And Ur Unbejeweled Left Hand Orders A Strawberry Daiquiri. Poor Me Im Single Whatever Shall I Do 👀🍹💃🏻 Can U Imagine If U Didn’t Sweat About That Tinder Date And Just Did Whatever U Wanted? Lol Wear Sunscreen! Xo #blessed

When ur not engaged on ur not honeymoon havin a cute lil swim up to the cute lil swim up bar and ur unbejeweled left hand orders a strawberry daiquiri. poor me im single whatever shall i do can u imagine if u didn’t sweat about that tinder date and just did whatever u wanted? lol wear sunscreen! xo

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Pepper Pots 1 month ago

Seems like its really bothering you

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#8

When Ur #notengaged And U Were Able To Get Up Early And Do A Three Hour Strenuous Hike Without Anybody Being Like “But Babe Watch Me Swim” Boy Take A Hike. With Me. Or Don’t I Don’t Care Im Going Anyway. Attention Plz If U Do Not Get A Photo Of The Blue Domes Ur Flight Will Be Cancelled Xo #blessed Ps Saw Several Lady Hikers Out There Doin It On Their Own Yasssss Yassssss 💪🏻💪🏼💪🏽💪🏾💪🏿❤️💜💙💚💛🧡

When ur not engaged and u were able to get up early and do a three hour strenuous hike without anybody being like “but babe watch me swim” boy take a hike. with me. or don’t i don’t care im going anyway. attention plz if u do not get a photo of the blue domes ur flight will be cancelled xo blessed ps saw several lady hikers out there doin it on their own yasssss YASSSSSS

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 1 month ago

That’s the spirit. Adventure awaits you, girl.

#9

When Ur #notengaged And Ppl R Always Like “Ur Such A Good Baker Ur Future Husband Is Going To Love That” Um 👏🏻my Future Self Is Gonna Love It In 5-7 Minutes When Im Eating Cookies In My Tub And Not Tripping Over Lacrosse Equipment #blessed Nail Color Is Flour By Opi 💅🏻

When ur not engaged and ppl r always like “ur such a good baker ur future husband is going to love that” um my future self is gonna love it in 5-7 minutes when im eating cookies in my tub and not tripping over lacrosse equipment blessed nail color is flour by opi

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Do things you enjoy. It is easier to find someone who enjoys the same things while you are involved in what interests you. But you do have to do something outside your own home. (As you already do.) You still want enough differences between you to stay interesting to each other.

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#10

When Ur #notengaged And U Do A Cute Lil Popover To Athens To See The Parthenon And The Temple Of Aphrodite To Be All Like “Girl Ur The Ancient Greek Goddess Of Love! Y R U Wasting All Ur Energy On Justins To Kellys Who Can’t Let Go Of One Another’s Hand On This Tour For Fear Of Being Thought Of As Single For One Moment And Just Take My Picture?” And She’s Like “Dude They R Not On Me Don’t Put That On Me Im Up On This Hill Tryin To Get Everyone To Have Realistic Conversations About Credit Scores And Instead They’re Makin Out In My Temple. It’s Like I Rose From The Foam Of The Sea For No Reason” #blessed

When ur not engaged and u do a cute lil popover to athens to see the parthenon and the temple of aphrodite to be all like “girl ur the ancient greek goddess of love! y r u wasting all ur energy on justins to kellys who can’t let go of one another’s hand on this tour for fear of being thought of as single for one moment and just take my picture?” and she’s like “dude they r NOT on me don’t put that on me im up on this hill tryin to get everyone to have realistic conversations about credit scores and instead they’re makin out in my temple. it’s like i rose from the foam of the sea for no reason”

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Cookie 3 weeks ago

Ahahahaha....... That is so on point! "Can’t let go of one another’s hand on this tour for fear of being thought of as single" - yuupppppp!!!!

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#11

When Ur #notengaged Probably Because Every Boy U Loved In Middle School Turned Out To Be Gay Which Is So Weird Because U Both Loved Singing Wicked So Much At Theater Camp And He Was Such A Good Listener U Were Perfect Together 😭 But Now Ur Just So So V Happy For At Least Some Beautiful People To Get Married After So Many Years Fighting For Equality. Happy Pride Chickpeas I’ll Officiate All Ur Weddings, Singing Wicked And All Xoxo #blessed #pride #ally

When ur not engaged probably because every boy u loved in middle school turned out to be gay which is so weird because u both loved singing wicked so much at theater camp and he was such a good listener u were perfect together but now ur just so so v happy for at least some beautiful people to get married after so many years fighting for equality. happy pride chickpeas i’ll officiate all ur weddings, singing wicked and all xoxo

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MADELEINE KIMBALL 1 month ago

this one is so much better than all the others! finally, one with no hate towards those who ARE dating/married/engaged, and doesn't sound super petty. Good on you!

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#12

When Ur #notengaged Celebrating A Cute Lil Galentines Day With Ur Sweet Sweet Friends Who Kick Butt And Make Smart Decisions Even If We Dont Have Wedding Rings Omg How Do We Ever Get By Or Get A Loan Or Fix Our Sinks We Do We’re Fine Text Me When U Get Home Safe Xoxo #blessed Happy Galentines My Starfish! Im So Proud Of All Of U ❤️❤️❤️

When ur not engaged celebrating a cute lil galentines day with ur sweet sweet friends who kick butt and make smart decisions even if we dont have wedding rings omg how do we ever get by or get a loan or fix our sinks we do we’re fine text me when u get home safe xoxo blessed happy galentines my starfish! im so proud of all of u

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Laci Jordan 4 weeks ago

That is a small hand 😂

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#13

When Ur #notengaged And Its Saturday Night And Maaaan Ur Gonna Go Out And Hit The Clubs And Meet All The Guys Cuz Ur Single Self Can Do Whatever She Wa...im Kidding Im Obviously Cleaning My Tub. Y Would I Go To A Club There Are People There And There Are No People In My Tub Thank God #blessed

When ur not engaged and its saturday night and maaaan ur gonna go out and hit the clubs and meet all the guys cuz ur single self can do whatever she wa...im kidding im obviously cleaning my tub. y would i go to a club there are people there and there are no people in my tub thank god 

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

A good sense of humor is an attractive quality. Laugh at yourself; that way no one can hurt your feelings with unkind ridicule.

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#14

When Ur #notengaged And U Catch Ur Coworker Updating Her Wedding Site During Work Hours #timethief And Ur Like Does This Mean I Can Spend Work Hours Napping Because I Also Can “Never Find The Time” And “Really Need To Get This Done” Xo #blessed

When ur not engaged and u catch ur coworker updating her wedding site during work hours and ur like does this mean i can spend work hours napping because i also can “never find the time” and “really need to get this done” xo

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C 1 month ago (edited)

well this seems petty

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#15

When Ur #notengaged Ur Apartment Is Clean, Ur Playin Ur Jams, And Ur Carbo Loading For An Entire Night Of Sitting On Ur Couch By Urself. Didn’t Pick Up A Single Sock That Wasn’t My Own. Life🙌🏻is🙌🏻good🙌🏻 #blessed

When ur not engaged ur apartment is clean, ur playin ur jams, and ur carbo loading for an entire night of sitting on ur couch by urself. didn’t pick up a single sock that wasn’t my own. life is good

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Yes, it is.

#16

When Ur #notengaged And U Have Retaken The Island From The Honeymooners And It Is A Free Independent Vacation Ground Once Again. Come My Sisters, Sit At Ur Restaurants Urself, Enjoy A Platonic Sunset And Feast Upon This New Golden Age! Plz B Advised All Newlyweds Will Be Arrested Thank U #blessed

When ur not engaged and u have retaken the island from the honeymooners and it is a free independent vacation ground once again. come my sisters, sit at ur restaurants urself, enjoy a platonic sunset and feast upon this new golden age! plz b advised all newlyweds will be arrested thank u

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago (edited)

No need for this version of reverse exclusion. It is not singles vs marrieds. Be glad for the honeymooners while enjoying your own life. You almost sound bitter. - There will be no arrests to spoil other’s happiness. — You’re bigger than that, Mary. Now, go for a boat ride.

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#17

When Ur #notengaged Headin Home After Ur Cute Lil Adventure And U Have The Row To Urself, Ur Fave Fave Movie (Yes I Also Watched It Going) And No Bae To Eye The Flight Attendant Up And Down While He “Thought” U Were “Asleep” Im Always Awake 👀 #blessed Thank U Greece And Cyprus For Ur Delicious Food, Kind People, And Beaches Im Crying Im Leaving

When ur not engaged headin home after ur cute lil adventure and u have the row to urself, ur fave fave movie (yes i also watched it going) and no bae to eye the flight attendant up and down while he “thought” u were “asleep” IM ALWAYS AWAKE  blessed thank u greece and cyprus for ur delicious food, kind people, and beaches im crying im leaving

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

You’ll be back.

#18

When Ur #notengaged And U Go To @nyfw To See Some Bridesmaid Dresses U Know U Will Probably Have To Wear Sometime This Year. And U Show Up And Look Like What Can Only Be Described As The Pre-Makeover Anne Hathaway In The Devil Wears Prada? Like I Wore Rain Boots And A Less Elegant Messy Bun. But It’s Totally Cool Because This Guy Asked For My Number. And By Number I Mean Asked The Number Of Croissants I Had Taken. Nobody Else Was Eating!!!! #blessed

When ur not engaged and u go to @nyfw to see some bridesmaid dresses u know u will probably have to wear sometime this year. and u show up and look like what can only be described as the pre-makeover anne hathaway in the devil wears prada? like i wore rain boots and a less elegant messy bun. but it’s totally cool because this guy asked for my number. and by number i mean asked the number of croissants i had taken. nobody else was eating!!!!

notengaged Report

Cookie 3 weeks ago

Who are these sticks who turn up their noses at croissants with gobs of soft butter? Oh, they are the engaged, who can't eat because they have to squeeze into a wedding dress 2 sizes too small. And that is totally cool cos that means there's more left for you.

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#19

When Ur #notengaged And U Lived A Full Year Alone By Urself Like A Grown Up And U Figured Out Ur Own Internet Package Without A Man Explaining Mbps To U And U’ve Figure Out How To Fix Ur Sink On Ur Own (Always Have Extra Towels 😓) And U Left The House Every Day With Tied Shoes, I Mean How!? How Does One Do This On Their Own!? Blessings Upon You, Goddess Of Luck, For How Can One Survive On Their Own For So Long Im Jk It’s Easy Just Do It I Love U #blessed

When ur not engaged and u lived a full year alone by urself like a grown up and u figured out ur own internet package without a man explaining mbps to u and u’ve figure out how to fix ur sink on ur own (always have extra towels ) and u left the house every day with tied shoes, i mean how!? how does one do this on their own!? blessings upon you, goddess of luck, for how can one survive on their own for so long im jk it’s easy just do it i love u

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago (edited)

This sounds healthier that a lot of your previous posts. Congratulations on fixing your own sink!

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#20

When Ur #notengaged And U Put Up A Heavy Mirror Urself, Held A Very Dramatic Lip Sync Concert To “It’s All Comin Back To Me Now” Multiple Times, And Fixed Ur Router. U Chickpea R Queen Goddess Ruler Of Saturday Nights At Home. There Is No Law And Order Unwatched. No Bag Of Milanos Untouched. No Pants Shall Grace Ur Yoga Legs. Ur The Gosh Darn Freakin Coolest Lil Cutie And Ur Twelve Year Old Self Is So Proud #blessed

When ur not engaged and u put up a heavy mirror urself, held a very dramatic lip sync concert to “it’s all comin back to me now” multiple times, and fixed ur router. u chickpea r queen goddess ruler of saturday nights at home. there is no law and order unwatched. no bag of milanos untouched. no pants shall grace ur yoga legs. ur the gosh darn freakin coolest lil cutie and ur twelve year old self is so proud

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Is your adult self proud of you? — Who, besides yourself at any age, have you helped, encouraged, or complimented in the last 1, 2, or even 5 years? Find a worthy cause that plucks your heart strings and go help life be better for someone else.

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#21

When Ur #notengaged Out On The Lake Chillin With Ur Friends And Their Baes And They R Like “In Laws” And “Babe Y Did U Do That??” And “Ugh Fine” And Ur All Like “👀🍹” And “I Fixed My Own Sink!” And “No I Don’t Want To Meet Ur Friend Paul” #blessed

When ur not engaged out on the lake chillin with ur friends and their baes and they r like “in laws” and “babe y did u do that??” and “ugh fine” and ur all like “” and “i fixed my own sink!” and “no i don’t want to meet ur friend paul”

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Wait for the right one. You’ll find each other when you are both ready.

#22

When Ur #notengaged And Ur Like “Yea Go USA!” And Jaysonnn Is Like “Omg When Did U Learn About Sports? Do U Actually Know Sports? Let Me Ask U This Really Specific Question About Sports To Test If U Really Know About...” But U Cut Jaysonnn Off By Eating Him Alive Because How Bout Nobody Quiz U If Ur Just Happily Enjoying A Game And Bonding In Sportswomanship. I Somehow Managed To Watch The Game Without A Boyfriend Explaining The Rules. Lol But What Do I Know. O The Rules. #blessed Great Game Hope U Get Paid Equally Xo

When ur not engaged and ur like “yea go usa!” and jaysonnn is like “omg when did u learn about sports? do u actually know sports? let me ask u this really specific question about sports to test if u really know about...” but u cut jaysonnn off by eating him alive because how bout nobody quiz u if ur just happily enjoying a game and bonding in sportswomanship. i somehow managed to watch the game without a boyfriend explaining the rules. lol but what do i know. o the rules. blessed great game hope u get paid equally xo

notengaged Report

Cookie 3 weeks ago

Toootally.

#23

When Ur #notengaged At A Cute Lil Fancy Hotel And The Concierge Is Like “Champagne? O Sorry, Miss, R U Under 21?” And Ur Like “Lol Im 31” And She’s Like “What’s Ur Secret!?” And Ur Like “Im Very Single Lol Cheers” Save On Night Cream. Stay Single. (Ok But Also Night Cream And Drink Water) #blessed

When ur not engaged at a cute lil fancy hotel and the concierge is like “champagne? o sorry, miss, r u under 21?” and ur like “lol im 31” and she’s like “what’s ur secret!?” and ur like “im very single lol cheers” save on night cream. stay single. (ok but also night cream and drink water)

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

You go girl.

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#24

When Ur #notengaged But U Have Soup Which Can Honestly Replace A Boyfriend. It’s Warm And Cozy On A Cold Night. It Fulfills Ur Soul. U Can Force A Waiter To Take It Away When Ur Done. It’s Perfect. #blessed

When ur not engaged but u have soup which can honestly replace a boyfriend. it’s warm and cozy on a cold night. it fulfills ur soul. u can force a waiter to take it away when ur done. it’s perfect.

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago (edited)

It’s hard to have a good conversation with soup, or the waiter.

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#25

When Ur #notengaged And U Go A Lil Race Car Driving Which Is Like So Cute Cute Cute In Ur Lil Helmet And Ur Racin Around On Ur Own And There R No Couples Cuz All The Cars R One Seat So Nobody Can Be Like “Bebe I’ll Drive” Like No U Won’t Rodney Imma Speed Demon. #blessed Lol Where Am I But Also This Was Super Fun And Should We All Be Empowering Lady Go Kart Drivers!? Chickpeas Racing Army Omg Let’s Make Jackets 😭

When ur not engaged and u go a lil race car driving which is like so cute cute cute in ur lil helmet and ur racin around on ur own and there r no couples cuz all the cars r one seat so nobody can be like “bebe i’ll drive” like no u won’t rodney imma speed demon. blessed lol where am i but also this was super fun and should we all be empowering lady go kart drivers!? chickpeas racing army omg let’s make jackets

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Good. Focus on participating in a group activity. Marriage is hard work. Develop skills that will help you with the give and take and compromise you’ll need to have a good one, as well as successful relationships while you’re single.

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#26

When Ur #notengaged At A Cute Lil Bbq And All Ur Friends R Like Running After Their Kids And Ur Friend Is Like “Sit With 👨🏻‍💼! 👨🏻‍💼 Is Single!” And Ur Like “👨🏻‍💼has A Neck Tattoo And Hasn’t Watched Brooklyn 99 Im Just Gonna Eat Another Burger And Leave Without Telling Anyone” #blessed Don’t Let Ur Friends Set U Up With Anyone Who Is “A Really Nice Guy...once U Get To Know Him!!!” He Probably Has Gambling Debts! Xo

When ur not engaged at a cute lil bbq and all ur friends r like running after their kids and ur friend is like “sit with ! is single!” and ur like “has a neck tattoo and hasn’t watched brooklyn 99 im just gonna eat another burger and leave without telling anyone” blessed don’t let ur friends set u up with anyone who is “a really nice guy...once u get to know him!!!” he probably has gambling debts! xo

notengaged Report

Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

He probably does (= not marriage material for you).

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#27

When Ur #notengaged And It’s Ur Job To Bring The Squash Which Really Translates To Squashing Ur Grandma’s Hopes Of U Finding A Boyfriend By Thursday. If Your Relatives Give You A Hard Time This Weekend, Refuse To Fix Their Laptops They’ve Been Saving For U. Change Their Wifi Passwords. Reclaim This Day Of Eating My Sisters. It Is Ours For The Taking. #blessed #staystrong

When ur not engaged and it’s ur job to bring the squash which really translates to squashing ur grandma’s hopes of u finding a boyfriend by thursday. if your relatives give you a hard time this weekend, refuse to fix their laptops they’ve been saving for u. change their wifi passwords. reclaim this day of eating my sisters. it is ours for the taking

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Everyone gets to celebrate holidays. There is no taking special days hostage, Mary.

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#28

When Ur #notengaged And U Live Alone And People Are V V V Concerned U Won’t Be Able To Do Anything Like Put Up Shelves Or Ward Off Intruders Or Feed Urself And Ur Like “I Know How To Use Electricity. I Have Like Seventeen Padlocks And A Great Impression Of A Man’s Voice In Case Any Strangers Knock💁🏻‍♂️, And I Have Three Types Of Shredded Cheese In The Fridge. Doin Fine.” #blessed #shelvesgoinup

When ur not engaged and u live alone and people are v v v concerned u won’t be able to do anything like put up shelves or ward off intruders or feed urself and ur like “i know how to use electricity. i have like seventeen padlocks and a great impression of a man’s voice in case any strangers knock, and i have three types of shredded cheese in the fridge. doin FINE.”

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MADELEINE KIMBALL 1 month ago

two types of shredded cheese is all you need sweetheart

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#29

When Ur #notengaged Chillin W A Cute Lil Glass Of Wine And Not With That “Consultant” From Bumble Who Went To Machu Picchu And Apparently Took A Myers Briggs Test. Wut Did U Consult Cloning Everyone’s Profile? Y R U All Named James? Y Do U All Have Multiple Bluetooth Headsets? Wut R Ur Credit Scores? U Know What Don’t Answer Im Gonna Have A Pinot Grijjjj And A Bag A Chips Happy Tuesday Xo #blessed

When ur not engaged chillin w a cute lil glass of wine and not with that “consultant” from bumble who went to machu picchu and apparently took a myers briggs test. wut did u consult cloning everyone’s profile? y r u all named james? y do u all have multiple bluetooth headsets? wut r ur credit scores? u know what don’t answer im gonna have a pinot grijjjj and a bag a chips happy tuesday xo

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

Enjoy singleness. No point in looking for that right person until You Are the right person.

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#30

When Ur #notengaged And Ur Just Livin It Up Watchin That Sweet Sunset Pretending The Couple Next To U Is Not About To Propose Oh God Please Don’t Take This Moment To Propose Y Is There Wine Here We Go He Just Said “Hey Let’s Take A Walk” They Are Taking A Walk No No No Focus On The Sun O God I Can’t Look At The Sun And I Can’t Look At Them Aaaaaaaand They’re Engaged. #blessed

When ur not engaged and ur just livin it up watchin that sweet sunset pretending the couple next to u is not about to propose oh god please don’t take this moment to propose y is there wine here we go he just said “hey let’s take a walk” they are taking a walk no no no focus on the sun o god i can’t look at the sun and i can’t look at them aaaaaaaand they’re engaged.

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Wyndmere 4 weeks ago

I hope they are 100% healthy and ready for a lifetime of commitment and hard work on their relationship.

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