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People can push through a lot of hardship. Even when our own minds tell us we’re not strong enough, we dig deep and keep going. However, our perseverance can also come at a cost, masking pain until it boils over.
This story is about a woman who didn’t want to have kids but claims she was persuaded to do so by her husband’s insistence and cultural expectations.
Years later, raising not one, not two, but three children, she could no longer hide her true feelings, and the pent-up regret exploded on Christmas in front of her whole family.
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Stressed mom holding her head during Christmas, overwhelmed by running away from her 3 kids and a wake-up call.
There are signs that women have more control over having children than they used to
“If you’re a woman in your 20s or 30s, particularly if you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably been asked when you’re going to have children,” says Abigail Locke, Professor of Critical Social and Health Psychology at Keele University, United Kingdom.
Now, you could make a case that the situation has been chasing. For example, in England and Wales in 2021, the average age to become a parent was 30.9 years for women and 33.7 years for men. But in the not-so-distant past—in 2017—the figures were 28.8 years for women and 33.4 years for men. So while dads have seen only a slight increase in age, mothers are becoming parents noticeably later than before.
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At the same time, teen pregnancies have plummeted not just in the UK but elsewhere in the Western world, too.
All in all, birth rates in OECD countries have been declining significantly for decades. The average fell from 3.3 children per woman in 1960 to about 1.4 in 2023.
But now that the figure has dropped so far below the replacement rate of 2.1, many are worried that an aging population won’t have enough workers to support a growing number of retirees, placing strain on pay-as-you-go pension systems and healthcare. As a result, renewed attention on declining birth rates may once again translate into increased societal pressure on women to have more children.
But they still face unfair pressure
When YouGov asked Americans whether men and women in the United States come under pressure from society to have children, people were more than twice as likely to say that women (37%) face pressure to have children than to say that men do (17%).
Four in 10 female respondents say that women face pressure to have children, compared to only three in 10 male respondents. Men were more likely than women to say that men are pressured to have kids: 20% of men say men are, compared to 13% of women who say so about men.
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“If you pick up a parenting book, you’ll probably notice that the text is written primarily for mothers,” Locke says. “Even when there is a move to a gender equal ‘parent,’ much of the text still refers to mothers instead of fathers as the one predominantly responsible for caregiving. Meanwhile, fathers are seen as more part-time, bumbling assistants or ‘babysitters.'”
“Parenting is hard work, time-consuming and expensive, and many countries’ working cultures are not set up to support parents,” the professor adds. “It is often the mothers who scale down their paid working hours to pick up more of the childcare when the baby arrives.”
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“As I’ve found in my research, media about stay-at-home fathers depicts them as being forced into the role through economic pressure. This is a contrast to what these primary caregiving fathers have told me themselves, which is that they see parenting as an equal partnership.”
The professor acknowledges that there has been some progress toward equal parenting, but the idea of mothers as the primary caregivers persists and means that women in their 20s and 30s still face undue pressure about whether—and when—to try for children.
After pouring her heart out online, the author of the post answered people’s biggest questions
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Reddit conversation about a mom feeling overwhelmed and running away from her kids on Christmas, seeking support.
Reddit conversation about a mom running away from her kids on Christmas, discussing family therapy and mental health.
Reddit conversation discussing a mom running away from her kids on Christmas and coping with family stress.
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Mom runs away from her 3 kids feeling overwhelmed, sharing emotional struggles and seeking a wake-up call during Christmas.
Conversation about mom feeling overwhelmed and stressed running away from her 3 kids on Christmas, reflecting on trauma.
A lot of the responses offered support
Comment about a mom overwhelmed by her 3 kids on Christmas, suggesting focus on self-care and parenting support.
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Comment expressing support for a mom feeling overwhelmed and needing to emotionally cope while raising kids on Christmas.
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Reddit comment praising a mom’s self-restraint dealing with her kids on Christmas and reflecting on the consequences.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment saying the kids are fine despite the mom running away from her 3 kids on Christmas.
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Comment expressing sympathy for a mom who ran away from her 3 kids on Christmas, reflecting on trauma and motherhood struggles.
Mom overwhelmed by her three kids on Christmas, seeking a moment alone and reflecting on parenting challenges.
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Screenshot of an online comment discussing a mom running away from her 3 kids on Christmas and the aftermath.
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Comment on a parenting forum suggesting divorce and leaving kids with the father most of the time.
Screenshot of an online comment advising a mom to leave with minimal custody while reflecting on motherhood and challenges.
Comment discussing a mom running away from her kids, reflecting on parenting struggles and coping alternatives.
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Mom overwhelmed with three kids runs away on Christmas, facing a wake-up call about parenting and family boundaries.
Mom runs away from her 3 kids on Christmas, sharing a wake-up call about family and holiday stress.
Reddit comment discussing a mom overwhelmed by her kids on Christmas, reflecting on running away and family reactions.
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Screenshot of an online comment about a mom running away from her kids on Christmas, sharing support and hope.
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Comment about mom running away from her kids on Christmas, sharing experience of seeking peace at a movie theater.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing family conflict, highlighting a mom feeling overwhelmed by her three kids on Christmas.
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Reddit comment discussing a mom running away from her three kids on Christmas and the emotional wake-up call.
Comment about a mom feeling trapped during Christmas trying to create a perfect holiday, highlighting parental trauma and wake-up call.
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Alt text: Mom runs away from her 3 kids on Christmas, dealing with family trauma and seeking a wake-up call for healing.
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Screenshot of a Reddit comment supporting a mom who ran away from her 3 kids on Christmas, sharing personal perspective.
Comment expressing support for a mom dealing with depression after running away from her kids on Christmas.
Comment discussing a mom’s emotional struggles and the impact of running away from her kids during a traumatic Christmas event.
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Screenshot of a social media comment about a mom running away from her kids during Christmas as a wake-up call.
Comment discussing a mom feeling unsupported by her partner and the need for couples counseling amid parenting challenges.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment reflecting on family dynamics and feeling traumatized during Christmas with kids.
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Parenting advice about stress and challenges when having another child to fix family issues shared in text post.
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Later, the woman said the internet’s response was a wake-up call
Mother comforting her upset young child indoors, capturing a moment related to trauma and parenting challenges on Christmas.
Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.
Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.
I'm a senior visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries
I'm a senior visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries
And she is now visiting a friend she WASNT ALLOWED TO VISIT FOR YEARS? What the eff? I only wish the best for OP, and that she gets some therapy to unload a lot of the toxic garbage that's been dumped on her for so many years, so much that she took the blame and felt guilty when her youngest child unwrapped all the Christmas gifts. Like, what??!??
Exactly. A person who doesn't like/want kids isn't suddenly going to change when they're pressured into having one. This is why I hate the line "you'll feel differently when they're yours..." whenever I tell people that I do not like kids and would never want to have one.
No woman should ever feel like they need to be "given a chance to like kids". I've known since I was a young child myself that I didn't want to have kids. I didn't like other peoples' kids when I was a teen/young adult. I STILL don't like kids. The way you worded what you said seems to imply that you think she'd have liked kids if someone had "given her a chance" to, but that's spurious. Not every woman likes or wants kids, no matter how many "chances" they're given to like kids.
Yes, but nearly every single commenter seemed to ignore the fact that she’s not an American, that her culture is *wildly* different from that in the US. She was likely raised to believe that it’s her purpose (prolly why she gave in and had THREE of the things she didn’t want), and lotsa other garbage that I can’t even begin to guess at. Applying the western way of thinking to her situation isn’t helpful or even useful.
She is an adult and agreed to have three children. She knew her feelings and allowed herself to be pressured and convinced. I’m in no way saying her husband was in the right, but she didn’t wake up one day with three babies. She has free will and agency and went along with it. She has her share of the blame, and now she’s left three scarred and messed up kids in her wake.
You obviously come from a culture & have a level of access & privilege that allows you to fully make your own choices free of oppressive expectations. We live in a world where female genital mutilation is still sanctioned by some governments and where acid attacks are appropriate recourse for a woman speaking out about her own wants & needs. Not everyone is born & raised on a culture where they’re able to fully make choices of their own volition without stifling consequences. There are plenty of cultures where it’s not even a choice a woman could even fathom. And there are plenty of cultures that lie somewhere between. While she may have had a choice to become a mother in theoretical sense, it’s likely she had zero concept of how to make that choice. She had a lot of expectations to live up to & was terrified of not doing so, being raised to believe the consequences of failing them would be dire. It’s only easy judge people’s “choices” because it *is* a choice for you.
Thank cow there’s SOMEONE on this d****d page who can read and grokked that she’s not a western woman living in a western culture! Holy mackerel, it’s been maddening reading all these posts as if she were! You’ve given me a tiny bit of hope that there are at least a few people on BP who aren’t entirely blinkered, that no everyone in the world shares their experiences! 💋
You are reaching. There is nothing in the story indicating that she comes from any third world country where women’s rights don’t exist. She was able to leave on her own, drive herself, get a hotel room, etc. Go read the post. In the comments she still says she wishes the children would disappear and that they never existed. She chose to have them. She a knowledges that she thought the second and third would “fix” the problems.
Anony Mouse: "My husband loves kids, and because we come from a culture that sees the more children the better I gave in once again and had my third." - that's coercion, pure and simple. You obviously have never been in a relationship where this level of coercion happens, and that's great for you. I, however, have been, and it's brutal. I luckily wasn't coerced into having children, but I can assure you that it's not so easy to defy/ignore what an ábusive, coercive partner is forcing you to do.
She only made references to her “culture” about 36 times. That’s not enough of a clue for you that her “culture” isn’t the kind were used to? (Assuming her tortured-in-places English didn’t give it all away, I mean.)
So it's better that she breed three times and make babies that she can't love? You sound like you'd be one of those folks who would force a woman to breed.
Okay that was a poor choice of words, but she acknowledged that she gave in hoping that a second child would “fix” things, then went right ahead and did the same thing again. Does she have no responsibility in this?
When a person separates their partner from their support group (whether family, friends, culture, or even neighbourhood) *that* is ab*sive control. It isolates them, it controls them, it interferes with their ability to self-identify, it seriously interferes with their ability to function as an autonamus human being.
Hey! Reread what SHE wrote. “After giving birth to my first…I regretted my decision”. “I decided that maybe this was a way to fix things”. “I gave in once again”. These are statements that acknowledge her own complicity/compliance in what happened. At no point does she shuffle off the entire blame to her husband, parents (both sides), or culture. They are identified as contributing factors. You spout off about free will and agency as if they completely override familial and sociocultural pressures. Unless you can categorically state that you have never once succumbed to pressure as an adult, you’re a hypocrite. And if you do make that claim, you’re a liar or oblivious fool.
And assuming she “has free will and agency” also is incredibly short-sighted given she’s from a different culture. There are *many* cultures in which women have neither free will not agency (you don’t believe the women whose clitorises are amputated allowed it of their own free will, or have agency over their bodies, do you?). I swear that for some people, the US is the entire world. 😕
So sad. This poor woman was f****d over by cultural expectations which overrode her own feelings - to the benefit of others. Glad she decided to break out and hope she inspires other subjugated spouses to rethink their situations.
I agree it's sad. But it wasn't to anyone's benefit. There are 3 traumatized kids and a now single father, angry families, a guilt ridden mother. Only damage was caused by this. Less damage than if she'd stayed but no net wins for sure
Well the culturally expected arrangement benefitted the husband and his family but ignored her needs altogether. It could be said that all parties contributed to the kids’ current situation - and the kids living with her in-laws might very well repeat the indoctrination. Having rebelled against the cultural norms of my family myself was difficult but ultimately better than living a lie. It’s always messy unfortunately when you kick against the pricks. 😕
Edit: I was needlessly snarky bc I misread this comment, my bad. It's a sad situation to be stuck in. She made the best choice she could, but being stuck with a father like that even if he seems to love the kids, with his not believing in therapy especially which those kids will NEED in the wake of all this...I feel awful for them.
And she is now visiting a friend she WASNT ALLOWED TO VISIT FOR YEARS? What the eff? I only wish the best for OP, and that she gets some therapy to unload a lot of the toxic garbage that's been dumped on her for so many years, so much that she took the blame and felt guilty when her youngest child unwrapped all the Christmas gifts. Like, what??!??
Exactly. A person who doesn't like/want kids isn't suddenly going to change when they're pressured into having one. This is why I hate the line "you'll feel differently when they're yours..." whenever I tell people that I do not like kids and would never want to have one.
No woman should ever feel like they need to be "given a chance to like kids". I've known since I was a young child myself that I didn't want to have kids. I didn't like other peoples' kids when I was a teen/young adult. I STILL don't like kids. The way you worded what you said seems to imply that you think she'd have liked kids if someone had "given her a chance" to, but that's spurious. Not every woman likes or wants kids, no matter how many "chances" they're given to like kids.
Yes, but nearly every single commenter seemed to ignore the fact that she’s not an American, that her culture is *wildly* different from that in the US. She was likely raised to believe that it’s her purpose (prolly why she gave in and had THREE of the things she didn’t want), and lotsa other garbage that I can’t even begin to guess at. Applying the western way of thinking to her situation isn’t helpful or even useful.
She is an adult and agreed to have three children. She knew her feelings and allowed herself to be pressured and convinced. I’m in no way saying her husband was in the right, but she didn’t wake up one day with three babies. She has free will and agency and went along with it. She has her share of the blame, and now she’s left three scarred and messed up kids in her wake.
You obviously come from a culture & have a level of access & privilege that allows you to fully make your own choices free of oppressive expectations. We live in a world where female genital mutilation is still sanctioned by some governments and where acid attacks are appropriate recourse for a woman speaking out about her own wants & needs. Not everyone is born & raised on a culture where they’re able to fully make choices of their own volition without stifling consequences. There are plenty of cultures where it’s not even a choice a woman could even fathom. And there are plenty of cultures that lie somewhere between. While she may have had a choice to become a mother in theoretical sense, it’s likely she had zero concept of how to make that choice. She had a lot of expectations to live up to & was terrified of not doing so, being raised to believe the consequences of failing them would be dire. It’s only easy judge people’s “choices” because it *is* a choice for you.
Thank cow there’s SOMEONE on this d****d page who can read and grokked that she’s not a western woman living in a western culture! Holy mackerel, it’s been maddening reading all these posts as if she were! You’ve given me a tiny bit of hope that there are at least a few people on BP who aren’t entirely blinkered, that no everyone in the world shares their experiences! 💋
You are reaching. There is nothing in the story indicating that she comes from any third world country where women’s rights don’t exist. She was able to leave on her own, drive herself, get a hotel room, etc. Go read the post. In the comments she still says she wishes the children would disappear and that they never existed. She chose to have them. She a knowledges that she thought the second and third would “fix” the problems.
Anony Mouse: "My husband loves kids, and because we come from a culture that sees the more children the better I gave in once again and had my third." - that's coercion, pure and simple. You obviously have never been in a relationship where this level of coercion happens, and that's great for you. I, however, have been, and it's brutal. I luckily wasn't coerced into having children, but I can assure you that it's not so easy to defy/ignore what an ábusive, coercive partner is forcing you to do.
She only made references to her “culture” about 36 times. That’s not enough of a clue for you that her “culture” isn’t the kind were used to? (Assuming her tortured-in-places English didn’t give it all away, I mean.)
So it's better that she breed three times and make babies that she can't love? You sound like you'd be one of those folks who would force a woman to breed.
Okay that was a poor choice of words, but she acknowledged that she gave in hoping that a second child would “fix” things, then went right ahead and did the same thing again. Does she have no responsibility in this?
When a person separates their partner from their support group (whether family, friends, culture, or even neighbourhood) *that* is ab*sive control. It isolates them, it controls them, it interferes with their ability to self-identify, it seriously interferes with their ability to function as an autonamus human being.
Hey! Reread what SHE wrote. “After giving birth to my first…I regretted my decision”. “I decided that maybe this was a way to fix things”. “I gave in once again”. These are statements that acknowledge her own complicity/compliance in what happened. At no point does she shuffle off the entire blame to her husband, parents (both sides), or culture. They are identified as contributing factors. You spout off about free will and agency as if they completely override familial and sociocultural pressures. Unless you can categorically state that you have never once succumbed to pressure as an adult, you’re a hypocrite. And if you do make that claim, you’re a liar or oblivious fool.
And assuming she “has free will and agency” also is incredibly short-sighted given she’s from a different culture. There are *many* cultures in which women have neither free will not agency (you don’t believe the women whose clitorises are amputated allowed it of their own free will, or have agency over their bodies, do you?). I swear that for some people, the US is the entire world. 😕
So sad. This poor woman was f****d over by cultural expectations which overrode her own feelings - to the benefit of others. Glad she decided to break out and hope she inspires other subjugated spouses to rethink their situations.
I agree it's sad. But it wasn't to anyone's benefit. There are 3 traumatized kids and a now single father, angry families, a guilt ridden mother. Only damage was caused by this. Less damage than if she'd stayed but no net wins for sure
Well the culturally expected arrangement benefitted the husband and his family but ignored her needs altogether. It could be said that all parties contributed to the kids’ current situation - and the kids living with her in-laws might very well repeat the indoctrination. Having rebelled against the cultural norms of my family myself was difficult but ultimately better than living a lie. It’s always messy unfortunately when you kick against the pricks. 😕
Edit: I was needlessly snarky bc I misread this comment, my bad. It's a sad situation to be stuck in. She made the best choice she could, but being stuck with a father like that even if he seems to love the kids, with his not believing in therapy especially which those kids will NEED in the wake of all this...I feel awful for them.
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