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“Am I Overreacting For Rejecting A Guy Because He Assigned Me Homework For Our Second Date?”
A second date is usually a good sign. You’ve made it through the sometimes awkward first date, which means you’ve begun to entertain the idea of giving this other person a chance at romance.
That wasn’t the case for this woman, who already saw a few red flags during their initial meet-up. After seemingly begrudgingly agreeing to a date number two, she lost it when the guy assigned her homework ahead of their planned night.
This was the last straw for her, as she turned to the internet for some enlightenment.
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A woman is considering dumping the guy she’d been briefly dating
It all happened after the guy assigned her some homework ahead of their second date
Certain behaviors that are considered turn-offs may not always be dealbreakers
The woman was vocal enough about her frustration with how her first date went. She mentioned how the man showed a bunch of red flags and inconsistencies, but she still agreed to a second date.
Many would call the guy’s behavior an “ick factor,” which psychologist Dr. Chivonna Childs says many people misinterpret. As she tells the Cleveland Clinic, these turn-offs may be a form of projection.
“Sometimes, we can see things in other people that we don’t necessarily like to see in ourselves, and we make it about something it’s actually not about,” she said. “Would those be dealbreakers in any other relationship? If they wouldn’t be, then what’s the real problem?”
Dr. Childs noted several possible reasons that could trigger the ick, including reservations about the other person or the relationship moving too fast. As a result, the individual’s “flaw” becomes the way out, especially for people with avoidant attachment styles.
“Icks give you a reason to end it without having to hold yourself accountable,” Dr. Childs added.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, it’s always possible that certain circumstances, like a bad day, could’ve been the reason why things didn’t go so smoothly. As she explained, doing so may confirm your initial instinct or do the opposite and prove how great a person they are.
“Unless you feel strongly about not seeing them again, there is value in considering going on one more date for clarity,” Dr. Romanoff wrote.
The woman may have been thrown off by what she saw as “red flags” on their first date, which may also have affected how she viewed the guy’s “homework” for her.
She could go on a second date and see whether her apprehensions were warranted. But ultimately, the final decision lies with her, and she won’t be too unreasonable if she decided to stop seeing him.
The woman provided more information in the comments, as readers had mixed feelings about her story
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