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29
Man Repeats Wife’s Painful Symptoms To Doctors, They Finally Believe What She’s Saying
Our society is centered around men; that’s no secret to anyone. Unless someone is really oblivious. But there are plenty of ways to prove it.
Today’s story is one of them — in it, a woman who suffers from debilitating pain didn’t manage to get any help because… Well, doctors simply didn’t believe her. Until she found a way to make them believe, but it was rather humiliating.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Our society is centered around men — it’s no secret, but that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier for women
Image credits: stefamerpik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Today’s story of medical neglect just proves how hard women have it
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In it, a woman, suffering from chronic pain for a long time, can’t get help, because doctors simply don’t believe her
Image credits: gpointstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So, she decides to bring her husband along and suddenly doctors are all ears
Image credits: RockMoss
This infuriates the woman — why does she have to have a narrator? Why is her voice not enough?
The OP has complex regional pain syndrome or CRPS. Essentially, it’s a form of chronic pain, usually in an arm or a leg. It typically develops after some kind of injury, illness, or surgery and can grow out of proportion to the severity of the initial injury.
The post’s author started after her knee dislocation. The injury, instead of healing, turned into constant, burning nerve pain spreading through her body. She has been suffering for over a year, and most of the time, she is bedridden.
Besides physical pain, chronic pain also damages a person’s mental health. It changes the levels of stress hormones and neurochemicals found in the brain and nervous system. Thus, it affects a person’s mood, thinking, and behavior, and can even bring on depression and other mental illnesses.
While there’s no cure for CRPS, there are ways to relieve the debilitating pain, from physical rehabilitation to medicine. And so, the OP went to many doctors to hopefully get some of that.
She encountered a problem — none of the doctors believed her. They wrote her pain off to anxiety, depression, excessive focus, and many other things.
Doctors not taking women’s health problems seriously isn’t a one-off case — it’s a recurring problem. Just read the comments under the post — many women share how their problems were said to be their weight, mental problems, their imagination, you get the gist. Some even dub it as medical gaslighting.
Image credits: Max4e / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The problem is that it leads to women not being diagnosed with serious conditions on time, making them suffer more than needed and sometimes even losing their lives.
The OP was sick of medical professionals not hearing her out, so she came up with a plan — she started bringing her husband. And suddenly, they believe her pain when the descriptions came from his lips.
What’s most infuriating is that they not only believed him, but they started completely ignoring her. Like making him the narrator of her body. So, you get why the woman is beyond mad here — she was basically made fun of describing her pain, but when the man said the same things out loud, it became a normal description.
The silver lining here is that she might finally get some treatment for her pain. Still, the whole process seems humiliating. Maybe her body will be better off, but her emotions are hurt even more.
After the story was shared online, many other women flocked to the comments to share their experiences too
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What do you think ?
Earonn - 3 months ago
It would be SO NICE if all the doctors who hear this (and you can't tell me that this is not something that somehow every doctor and nurse is aware of, because every woman knows about it) could ***finally*** start to listen to us women, if they didn't do it before. Swallow your lousy ego and to your job well. That's what you're paid for.
Ms.GB 3 months ago (edited)
I went through this when I started having interstitial cystitis symptoms. It took me a long time to get diagnosed and the only reason it ONLY took 8 months is because my mom's co-worker had a best friend that was a Dr. There was one really kind male ER Dr. who did believe me and was very sympathetic but he said he couldn't find anything wrong with me. He recommended I go to a specialist but they couldn't find anything wrong in the tests they ran so I had to be in debilitating pain until I could get into a specialist which would've been months if my mom hadn't talked to her friend. I finally got a cystoscopy and my bladder was lit up like the fourth of July.
Load More Replies...
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
The amount of extra work you have to go through in order to get meds if you're female is awful. It took me ten YEARS to find a female pain doctor - and most of her other patients are female, too. I wonder why.
Mere Cat 3 months ago
I am a (F) doctor myself and still, I've had to go through the "just anxiety/migraine" accusations. Years of horrible headaches, pressure in head, mild fevers, brainfogs and zillions of other symptoms (like half of my forehead swelling). Bloodwork showed only mildly elevated white blood cells. Facial xray didn't show anything wrong. Finally, by specifically requesting a carefully selected private doctor, I got a sinus cbct that showed my completely blocked, puss-filled, pressured sphenoid sinuses. After a FESS surgery, my "anxiety" and "migraines" (although I do suffer from real migraines, also, but that's different) got so much better! And you bet that I do and will take my patients' reports of pain seriously, no matter the gender!
Starfish63 3 months ago
I was told for 6 months that there was 'nothing wrong with you'. I couldn't walk a hundred yards without stopping for breath and being so weak I had to lean on something. I'd have a shower and have to sit down to dry myself off/get dressed. I went to the asthma clinic and in desperation, told the asthma nurse. She said again there was nothing wrong with me. Eventually she agreed to do a blood test 'but there's nothing wrong with you'. Less than 24 hours later I was recalled to the GP surgery. My iron count was 6.2 when it should be around 12 - 15. What did the GP say? 'Why didn't you come and see me?' FFS.
UpupaEpops 3 months ago
Ladt year I went into the ER with severe inter-costal muscle spasm and pinched nerves courtesy of the aforementioned spasm. Initially, I had nurses roll their eyes at me and they asked for a d**g test and interrogated me about d***s. Then someone opened a door, and due to the cold wind rushing in, I had a major muscle spasm right in front of them. I was literally on my knees, with half my chest contracted so strongly, you could see it through my shirt. I was in way too much pain to be able to take pleasure in the horrified look on their faces. I've spent the next 6 hours hooked onto so many different bags, bottles and monitors, it looked like a jungle. I was told to take it easy for 2 weeks and make sure to keep my chest area warm at all times. A year later and it's still sensitive. Half a year later, my father broke his wrist. He got 2 months of paid medical leave and the strongest pain medication they can legally give you to have at home. He's an office worker...
Big Chungus 3 months ago
My mom and I always joke about this (hides real pain) that they don't give her sedation when she gets a heart biopsy (transplant patient) because she's not a man
Catherina Thijs 3 months ago
I took my husband to a docters appointment too because I knew it would make a difference between being taken serious or not. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrom, but it took many doctors and 13 years to get that diagnosis and to be taken serious.
Bewitched One 2 months ago
I have chronic fatigue syndrome also. I, thankfully, was only 27-28ish when I finally got that diagnosis
Load More Replies...
Paula Glasscoe 3 months ago (edited)
Yup, it seems I’ve tipped over from “It must be your weight” to “It’s probably menopause”. For everything. Even had a psychiatrist ask if my depression might be related to menopause….. what? This depression that I was diagnosed with at 17 and has been a problem ever since? Why I do declare you may have solved it….. pffft!
tori Ohno 3 months ago (edited)
I was a little girl and went through this. I kept saying my tummy hurts, my tummy hurts. Over and over. After an upper GI and ulcer medication (no proof I had an ulcer) they claimed that I was lying to get out of school. I gave up and lived with the pain. It turns out the morons should have realized that "tummy" meant the whole abdomen to a small child. It was my "gut". I have IBS, my father has ulcerative colitis, and my aunt has Crohn's. I finally got a diagnosis as an adult when a young, really cool doctor finally put the pieces together. But when my brother had an ache, that same doctor who called me a liar, jumped to help him.
Batwench 3 months ago
This happened to me. I was only sent for tests after the received a letter from Mr Batwench. I had only being back to the drs for 25 plus years with the same issue and symptoms. After all I am only a woman with it all in her head. Spoiler, it wasn’t and I now have permanent nerve damage that will require surgery that might stop the pain or put me in a wheelchair.
Dove Bradshaw 3 months ago
I was dismissed by a Dr., I took my husband with me later that day, and suddenly I was given proper attention. This carp needs to stop.
Kohl_Keene 3 months ago (edited)
Sad story. A similar situation happened after I gave a very traumatic birth to my daughter. I had needed a great deal of stitches and was in a lot of pain. The doctor said it would be about six weeks of no s*x, and then apologized to my husband about it. Never showed any concern to my pain at all. We were both shocked and upset, and I never saw that doctor again.
Serena Myers 3 months ago
Of course, it was all your fault that your husband couldn't have s e x for a few weeks, wasn't it? The sheer ignorance, and in some cases misogynistic, viewpoint of some men, especially doctors who should know better, is baffling.
Load More Replies...
BrownEyedPanda 3 months ago
This is why I'm getting a second opinion regarding my knees. The first orthopedic surgeon I encountered was rather dismissive, preferring to talk instead of listen (if one more doctor tries to sell me on Ozempic.....), while I'm still in pain. It burns me that it takes drastic action to get doctors to take you seriously if you're a woman.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago (edited)
Every single one of those poll options applies. ETA - I got real lucky when I was young when I said my period pain was debilitating. Was not told to take stronger painkillers or that it's normal. The guy listened, did a laparoscopy and started treatment for PCOS and endometriosis. I get angry reading these stories that women are invalidated for having a cooch instead of a d**k.
Cora Van der Gaag 2 months ago
Problem is that most of the medical science is based on a male body. The female body is somewhat different, not a lot but still different. So they don’t really know how our (female) bodies work. But they won’t confess that and simply suggest that it is not true what we experience.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 2 months ago
I'm not a good advocate for myself, but my daughter and her ears. I had asked for a hearing test before she ever started school. Nope she's fine. I was thumping her on the back of the head when she didn't listen to me. She started school and they said she didn't pass the hearing test. I took her in and the audiologist could figure it out. Soundproof booth and all. Doctor says she doesn't have a hearing problem. I asked what the audiologist found. Hearing problem. I told him I had asked for a test years ago and he had said NO. He had tears in his eyes when he questioned me. She is 37 and has worn hearing aids since 5yo. She has computer certificates and a 4 year degree in computer science. She manages a server company. Keep standing up for yourself and say it louder for those in the back "Sorry my breasts and uterus and so overwhelming to you that you can't hear me, but..."
Bewitched One 2 months ago
I have permanent hearing loss in both ears because I should’ve had surgery on my ears as a child, instead I was 27-28 I think and had to have both ears cut completely off, and a titanium implant in one ear to rebuild the bone that was eroded away over years of no treatment. I went to multiple drs and no one could tell me what was wrong till I went into the city. After that I had both surgeries within 6 months. I also just got a 4 year computer science degree. All that to say, from someone who had the opposite happen, thanks for advocating for your daughter!
Load More Replies...
Miss Ann Thrope 3 months ago
Hoping OP reads this. DMSO has shown to helpful for CRPS. https://www.midwesterndoctor.com/p/dmso-is-a-miraculous-therapy-for?utm_source=publication-search
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Just a teaser commercial for the upcoming book? Anyway, this can happen the other way - I've had salesmen ignore me and talk to my wife, possibly because they thought they could convince her to buy more easily. Little did they know...
Earonn - 3 months ago
It would be SO NICE if all the doctors who hear this (and you can't tell me that this is not something that somehow every doctor and nurse is aware of, because every woman knows about it) could ***finally*** start to listen to us women, if they didn't do it before. Swallow your lousy ego and to your job well. That's what you're paid for.
Ms.GB 3 months ago (edited)
I went through this when I started having interstitial cystitis symptoms. It took me a long time to get diagnosed and the only reason it ONLY took 8 months is because my mom's co-worker had a best friend that was a Dr. There was one really kind male ER Dr. who did believe me and was very sympathetic but he said he couldn't find anything wrong with me. He recommended I go to a specialist but they couldn't find anything wrong in the tests they ran so I had to be in debilitating pain until I could get into a specialist which would've been months if my mom hadn't talked to her friend. I finally got a cystoscopy and my bladder was lit up like the fourth of July.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
The amount of extra work you have to go through in order to get meds if you're female is awful. It took me ten YEARS to find a female pain doctor - and most of her other patients are female, too. I wonder why.
Mere Cat 3 months ago
I am a (F) doctor myself and still, I've had to go through the "just anxiety/migraine" accusations. Years of horrible headaches, pressure in head, mild fevers, brainfogs and zillions of other symptoms (like half of my forehead swelling). Bloodwork showed only mildly elevated white blood cells. Facial xray didn't show anything wrong. Finally, by specifically requesting a carefully selected private doctor, I got a sinus cbct that showed my completely blocked, puss-filled, pressured sphenoid sinuses. After a FESS surgery, my "anxiety" and "migraines" (although I do suffer from real migraines, also, but that's different) got so much better! And you bet that I do and will take my patients' reports of pain seriously, no matter the gender!
Starfish63 3 months ago
I was told for 6 months that there was 'nothing wrong with you'. I couldn't walk a hundred yards without stopping for breath and being so weak I had to lean on something. I'd have a shower and have to sit down to dry myself off/get dressed. I went to the asthma clinic and in desperation, told the asthma nurse. She said again there was nothing wrong with me. Eventually she agreed to do a blood test 'but there's nothing wrong with you'. Less than 24 hours later I was recalled to the GP surgery. My iron count was 6.2 when it should be around 12 - 15. What did the GP say? 'Why didn't you come and see me?' FFS.
UpupaEpops 3 months ago
Ladt year I went into the ER with severe inter-costal muscle spasm and pinched nerves courtesy of the aforementioned spasm. Initially, I had nurses roll their eyes at me and they asked for a d**g test and interrogated me about d***s. Then someone opened a door, and due to the cold wind rushing in, I had a major muscle spasm right in front of them. I was literally on my knees, with half my chest contracted so strongly, you could see it through my shirt. I was in way too much pain to be able to take pleasure in the horrified look on their faces. I've spent the next 6 hours hooked onto so many different bags, bottles and monitors, it looked like a jungle. I was told to take it easy for 2 weeks and make sure to keep my chest area warm at all times. A year later and it's still sensitive. Half a year later, my father broke his wrist. He got 2 months of paid medical leave and the strongest pain medication they can legally give you to have at home. He's an office worker...
Big Chungus 3 months ago
My mom and I always joke about this (hides real pain) that they don't give her sedation when she gets a heart biopsy (transplant patient) because she's not a man
Catherina Thijs 3 months ago
I took my husband to a docters appointment too because I knew it would make a difference between being taken serious or not. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrom, but it took many doctors and 13 years to get that diagnosis and to be taken serious.
Bewitched One 2 months ago
I have chronic fatigue syndrome also. I, thankfully, was only 27-28ish when I finally got that diagnosis
Load More Replies... Paula Glasscoe 3 months ago (edited)
Yup, it seems I’ve tipped over from “It must be your weight” to “It’s probably menopause”. For everything. Even had a psychiatrist ask if my depression might be related to menopause….. what? This depression that I was diagnosed with at 17 and has been a problem ever since? Why I do declare you may have solved it….. pffft!
tori Ohno 3 months ago (edited)
I was a little girl and went through this. I kept saying my tummy hurts, my tummy hurts. Over and over. After an upper GI and ulcer medication (no proof I had an ulcer) they claimed that I was lying to get out of school. I gave up and lived with the pain. It turns out the morons should have realized that "tummy" meant the whole abdomen to a small child. It was my "gut". I have IBS, my father has ulcerative colitis, and my aunt has Crohn's. I finally got a diagnosis as an adult when a young, really cool doctor finally put the pieces together. But when my brother had an ache, that same doctor who called me a liar, jumped to help him.
Batwench 3 months ago
This happened to me. I was only sent for tests after the received a letter from Mr Batwench. I had only being back to the drs for 25 plus years with the same issue and symptoms. After all I am only a woman with it all in her head. Spoiler, it wasn’t and I now have permanent nerve damage that will require surgery that might stop the pain or put me in a wheelchair.
Dove Bradshaw 3 months ago
I was dismissed by a Dr., I took my husband with me later that day, and suddenly I was given proper attention. This carp needs to stop.
Kohl_Keene 3 months ago (edited)
Sad story. A similar situation happened after I gave a very traumatic birth to my daughter. I had needed a great deal of stitches and was in a lot of pain. The doctor said it would be about six weeks of no s*x, and then apologized to my husband about it. Never showed any concern to my pain at all. We were both shocked and upset, and I never saw that doctor again.
Serena Myers 3 months ago
Of course, it was all your fault that your husband couldn't have s e x for a few weeks, wasn't it? The sheer ignorance, and in some cases misogynistic, viewpoint of some men, especially doctors who should know better, is baffling.
Load More Replies... BrownEyedPanda 3 months ago
This is why I'm getting a second opinion regarding my knees. The first orthopedic surgeon I encountered was rather dismissive, preferring to talk instead of listen (if one more doctor tries to sell me on Ozempic.....), while I'm still in pain. It burns me that it takes drastic action to get doctors to take you seriously if you're a woman.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago (edited)
Every single one of those poll options applies. ETA - I got real lucky when I was young when I said my period pain was debilitating. Was not told to take stronger painkillers or that it's normal. The guy listened, did a laparoscopy and started treatment for PCOS and endometriosis. I get angry reading these stories that women are invalidated for having a cooch instead of a d**k.
Cora Van der Gaag 2 months ago
Problem is that most of the medical science is based on a male body. The female body is somewhat different, not a lot but still different. So they don’t really know how our (female) bodies work. But they won’t confess that and simply suggest that it is not true what we experience.
alloutbikes@yahoo.com 2 months ago
I'm not a good advocate for myself, but my daughter and her ears. I had asked for a hearing test before she ever started school. Nope she's fine. I was thumping her on the back of the head when she didn't listen to me. She started school and they said she didn't pass the hearing test. I took her in and the audiologist could figure it out. Soundproof booth and all. Doctor says she doesn't have a hearing problem. I asked what the audiologist found. Hearing problem. I told him I had asked for a test years ago and he had said NO. He had tears in his eyes when he questioned me. She is 37 and has worn hearing aids since 5yo. She has computer certificates and a 4 year degree in computer science. She manages a server company. Keep standing up for yourself and say it louder for those in the back "Sorry my breasts and uterus and so overwhelming to you that you can't hear me, but..."
Bewitched One 2 months ago
I have permanent hearing loss in both ears because I should’ve had surgery on my ears as a child, instead I was 27-28 I think and had to have both ears cut completely off, and a titanium implant in one ear to rebuild the bone that was eroded away over years of no treatment. I went to multiple drs and no one could tell me what was wrong till I went into the city. After that I had both surgeries within 6 months. I also just got a 4 year computer science degree. All that to say, from someone who had the opposite happen, thanks for advocating for your daughter!
Load More Replies... Miss Ann Thrope 3 months ago
Hoping OP reads this. DMSO has shown to helpful for CRPS. https://www.midwesterndoctor.com/p/dmso-is-a-miraculous-therapy-for?utm_source=publication-search
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
Just a teaser commercial for the upcoming book? Anyway, this can happen the other way - I've had salesmen ignore me and talk to my wife, possibly because they thought they could convince her to buy more easily. Little did they know...
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