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13
Woman Leaves Friendsgiving With Her Turkey After Realizing Friends Secretly Changed A Dress Code
Holidays can be isolating if there’s no family to spend them with. However, friends can step in to fill that gap.
Reddit user Hopeful-Jellyfish-13 had spent many Thanksgivings with her longtime group of close friends. It was a tradition she always looked forward to. But this year, she didn’t sit down at the table.
After arriving at her cousin’s home, the woman realized her closest people had purposefully lied to her about the dress code to get back at her for constantly outshining them—something she didn’t even know they felt.
RELATED:
It’s hard to get through the holidays without any stress
Image credits: seventyfourimages / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
But this woman may have even lost her “friends” over Thanksgiving
Image credits: Victoria Romulo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karola G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: 琎达 黄 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Hopeful-Jellyfish-13
Many Americans include friends in their Thanksgiving plans
Earlier this month, a YouGov poll asked Americans about their plans for the holiday, and nearly all (86%) said they’re celebrating Thanksgiving this year. Eighteen percent planned to travel for the holiday, and 65% did not.
About one-third (35%) planned to celebrate at a family member’s home, and smaller shares planned to stay at the home of one of their partner’s family members (5%), at a friend’s home (5%), at a restaurant (4%), or somewhere else (2%).
Three-quarters (75%) of Americans said their Thanksgiving celebration includes at least one family member, and 31% said it includes a friend.
Losing friends is part of life
Licensed social worker Kristin A. Meekhof says she, too, has experienced some “friends” throwing slight jabs her way. At first, Meekhof dismissed their comments as a result of them having a bad day, but over time, she realized those individuals were actually jealous of her relationships and access to certain social circles.
We can’t control how other people feel about us, but we can choose how to respond to their betrayal. Meekhof offers three ways to cope with jealous “friends”:
- Develop clarity. “Create clarity around what you are committed to in your personal or professional life. When you commit to a new way of being, whether the goals are outward, such as starting a new business, or inward, such as healing from grief, you will need to be clear what the commitment involves, and chances are this means trade-offs involved,” she writes. “The trade-off might be less time with your friends or spending less on a vacation. If you are truly committed to these new goals, then you can explain what your focus is and why you are committed to this goal. Also, you know that your trade-off may be less time with certain people. In the end, your authentic friends will find a way to support you because they know your goal commitment involves your well-being. And you will carve out time to speak with these people.”
- Understand that shift happens. “While your success may expand your bandwidth in some areas, we are still given the constriction of twenty-four hours in a day. Chances are with your new goals, you are now dividing your time and energy among new tasks, and this means your priorities shift,” Meekhof explains. “You know that you can’t create new opportunities by maintaining the status quo, so a shift is necessary. And new projects are often cultivated when new relationships are formed, and this takes time. Again, you are shifting the focus of your waking hours, and this can be met with vacant stares from your friends. Understanding this shift can be painful. However, knowing that not all friends will delight in this as you imagined will help you when you detect a tinge of their jealousy. Early detection can prevent further damage.”
- Affirm your alignment. “Along your journey, it will be important that you consciously solidify your alignment to your goals because there will be things that will threaten your commitment,” she says. “This doesn’t mean that you aren’t flexible with your thinking, but rejection can get ugly. When you are living out your true purpose, it can seem like a test. Doors will close and doors will open. [When my book] … was sold to a publisher, a very successful businessman told me to keep my ‘inner circle’ of trusted ones very close, small, and to be choosy about who I selected to be a part of this ‘circle.’ This piece of advice I didn’t follow straightaway, as I didn’t think it applied to me, only to people who were considered the elite. In retrospect, I wish I had adopted this approach earlier. My ‘inner circle’ helps me to put things in perspective when I become overwhelmed.”
It seems that our Redditor has realized some of the people want to undermine her, but she’s still figuring out how to deal with them—hopefully, she finds a way forward that protects her boundaries and her peace of mind.
Many people who read the woman’s story said she had every right to leave
Some, however, thought everyone involved could’ve handled the situation better—including her
And a few even blamed her for the drama
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What do you think ?
KatSaidThat 1 month ago
So I'm just going to drop in that this will not be the only time they have spoken behind her back. Was it OTT to take the turkey? Probably. Would I have done the same in that moment of hurt and anger? Probably. They sound like they were more upset about the food leaving than her, so time to find new friends.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago (edited)
They all seem insufferable. I also agree that dragging OP down so a pregnant woman can feel confident is absolutely trashy. Straight up mean girls feeding off each others’ high school aged insecurities. They sure as shít have not *grown up* together because none of them have matured since they’ve all met. They’re all exhausting.
Amy S 1 month ago
I think taking the turkey is fair, she cooked it so she should get to eat it.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
right! do these people expect her to give them the turkey, and go home to make herself something else? you make someone feel unwelcome and they leave, why shouldn't they take the food they prepared with them.
Load More Replies...
Nizumi 1 month ago
NTA - but not for what most people are saying. OP had been in an a*****e relationship. Having been in her shoes, I know her reaction was partly trauma response. She just discovered that the people she trusted had betrayed her, all ganged up on her behind her back and conspired to pull the rug out from under her. Her friends knew what she went through in that bad relationship and knew how hard she had to work to get back to being herself, and they still expected her to tone herself down to accommodate their insecurities. Fûck off. OP needs better friends.
Binny Tutera 1 month ago
My thoughts, too. She finally gets to dress the way she likes and these”friends” not only don’t understand, but retaliate against her for it.
Load More Replies... Motivated sloth 1 month ago
I can’t believe I’ve just read this and the long list of NTA comments. Over a dress code. To a friends house for Thanksgiving. How do people find the time for such nonsense? I don’t necessarily think she’s an ah, the whole situation is just incredibly stupid.
Jp@nda 1 month ago
I love that you're talking trash about how incredibly stupid it is to waste time on "such nonsense" that's incredibly stupid. Yet you are doing the same thing!? I mean ugh... How did you find the time for such foolery?
Load More Replies... Angela C 1 month ago
There's a word for people who drag others down to feel better about themselves. They're called bûllies and OP has every right to not put up with being búllied like that
S. R. 1 month ago
I don't understand WHY on earth would it have been ok to leave the food there? OP is not hired help. She leaves, she takes the food she has purchased with her own money and prepared all by herself with her. She wouldn't have left a slipper behind, why would she leave food behind? Seriously, that's even more infuriating than the scheming behind her back
WonderWoman 1 month ago
They CONSPIRED to make OP feel crappy. It was intentional and mean. They miscalculated OP's response, thinking she would just sit there shamed by this group of witches - jokes on them!! They are more upset being left with a bunch of crappy sides and no main dish than they are about being backstabbing horrible people.
Roberta Surprenant 1 month ago
Getting Legally Blonde vibes, when Elle wore playboy bunny costume.
Ann Kapoxeet 1 month ago
Do friends really consult each other about "matching" their clothing styles? That's weird. Who the fork cares what your friends are wearing?
Mike F 1 month ago
It sometimes is. Before I retired I worked with a guy who was probably the oldest in his group (think him ~39, the group in their 20s) and they absolutely did that kind of thing.
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Trillian 1 month ago
A dress code for a get together with friends? Some people like to make a performance out of everything ...
Andy 1 month ago
Yeah, 6 friends meeting up for a pot luck dinner does not need a "dress code", and certainly not one to be obsessing over. Sounds like an exhausting group of people
Load More Replies...
Craig Reynolds 1 month ago
All the ESHs and the YTAs are the true AHs. They changed the dress code behind Ops back to embarrass her. It backfired, and they had no turkey because of it. Too fracking bad. If you play FAFO, you deserve to find out. I support Op's reaction. I believe in doing to others as they do to you, not as you would have them do to you. AH actions begot AH actions. I live by that rule. In other words, I give back the energy I receive. If you FK me, I FKU..
Shelley Colleen 1 month ago (edited)
Perhaps it's because of my age (first wave GenX) but I'm a bit baffled by these "goup chat" friend circles. They spend 25% of their time doing things together and the other 75% of their time talking to each other about the crăp they're planning to do with each other. Then, Reddit and BP are packed with people complaining about how their "friend group" has managed to hurt, disappoint, and disrespect them somehow. There are plenty of people in the world! Ditch that tired group of "old friends" that most likely complain nonstop about each other in private, and find more interesting folks who won't try to hurt your feelings to protect one cranky preggo!
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
These people are NOT your friends. It's that simple. These women sound completely toxic. I would just plant them firmly in my rearview.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
I can't understand the people saying she shouldn't have taken the food she prepared with her! was she supposed to leave THEM the food, after they made her feel unwelcome, and to go away and make herself some other food instead?
Bette 1 month ago
As the parent of six grown "children" and grandparents of ten, I tell them all that feelings are valid and honest. I am disappointed in the "friend" group behaving like junior high juveniles behind this person's back. With her back story, it only seems as if she is exploring her own style and expression. With the resulting fallout I think it best if she find other friends.
Nikki Sevven 1 month ago
I can't even imagine worrying about what my friends are wearing. How bizarre.
BoredPangolin 1 month ago
Anyone making plans in your back is NOT your friend. Anyone jealous enough of whatever about you that they would make plans to "trap" you is NOT your friend. And turkey costs money. Of course take it back and leave. Is it petty? I think it's only fair. You don't want the person would can be taken advantage of with no consequences, otherwise it becomes a habit in your mind.
EB 3 weeks ago
Glad you left, and forget about them. They are definitely insecure and probably resent the fact that you are 100% you. Thou, I might have asked for scissors, cut my t-shirt, sweat pants, put some of her make-up, perfume, and told them, guess what, heading to a neighborhood turkey BBQ party. Taking the turkey. I don't think you deserve me. Walk away. Block their phones and ciao ciao. I was invited once to a BBQ. The host asked me to bring my chicken leg since I dont eat pork. Then she proceeded to ask me if I could make a pecan pie for 50 people, ( I currently live in Italy) She decided not only to invite our group but her graduation class. I just told her no. And cut her off my list of friends. Lol
Paula Glasscoe 1 month ago
Why the need to yuk someone else’s yum? I LOVE seeing/hearing about other people’s enthusiasms, even if it’s not something I’m into myself. I’d be complimenting them and maybe asking for advice, positivity brings so much more in respect of conversation and learning than a cycle of negative bit’ching. Not that I’m perfect at it by any means, but I do try to halt my thoughts when they drift that way and I’ve had lots of excellent interactions with people that I may have instantly thought on a surface level “weren’t my people”. First thoughts are instinct/conditioning, second thoughts are you.
Michele campfens 1 month ago
They FAFO. What are you to apologise for? Why would YBTAH? No action on your part was malicious or manipulative. You brought food. They bullied you. You took your belongings and went home. What did they expect?
rosadobber arizona 1 month ago
They all seem stuck in high school. Break up and grow up. And don't be making babies until you mature
Serena Myers 1 month ago
What is Friendsgiving? Is it different to Thanksgiving, which is what BP titled it earlier?
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
It's getting together with the "family" you choose...friends, close co-workers...rather than the mandatory family you have to go visit.
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J. Maxx 1 month ago
When I read stories like this, I thank the Goddess I have no close friends. I do have a female friend I have known since I was 15, and I'm just turned 57. We live in 2 different states and talk once in a while. I gave her $2000 (my family consists of 4 adults, three disabled and on a fixed income, and one who works) because she was struggling and her family is s**t. A month later, she called and asked if I could lend her $200. I was taken aback and, frankly, pissed off. She knows we struggle financially, and I couldn't understand how she could turn around and ask for more money after the massive gift I (we, cause it came from the family account, yes, with my family's blessing) gave her. I haven't spoken to her since and don't know if I will ever again.
sweet emotion 1 month ago
Maria's confidence issues are NOT OP's problem and Maria needs to deal with them herself instead of whinging about it behind OP's back. OP needs to develop her own friend group instead of still clinging to the "cool older kids" group. That said, while I understand the impulse to walk away (with the turkey, no less!), my petty self would have stayed and done my best to make everyone feel terribly uncomfortable about their attempts to "shame" me for generally taking pride in my appearance.
Joe Publique 1 month ago
This entire group sounds insufferable and they all have a lot of growing up to do.
Irene Bucior 1 month ago
I would have left, but I also would have left the food there after telling them all to choke on it.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
so, she's supposed to make last minute arrangements for her own meal, is she? she's got every right to take that turkey home and eat it. she prepared it.
Load More Replies... K Barnes 1 month ago
People don't actually think this much about "dress codes" and what other people are wearing, do they? Are there actually people like this out there?
Tom Brincefield 1 month ago
Yes. There are people in the world that are like everything that is written on Reddit. Some of the stories are fake, especially since AI has taken off, but no matter how outrageous it seems, there is someone who thinks it's perfectly fine.
Load More Replies...
Matt 1 month ago
The young generation are weak and whiners these days. Get over yourselves. They all could use some time doing something difficult. Like manual labor and real actual struggles.
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
Like back in the day you walked to school, uphill...both ways...on the way to school...then went down the mine, and paid for the privilege of working there? Get over yourself, boomer.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Never heard an American call them joggers before. The whole stress code thing is weird to start with especially because they are either dressed up or in pjs? They never do jeans and a t-shirt or sweater? Or just wear different things? Anyway, it was rude to exclude OP from group chat, they should have been up front. But it sounds like they were trying to avoid triggers/drama about clothing and failed. OP could have let it go, but decided for max drama with a storm out and you can't have my food, which seems really over the top. All in all they seem like they never left high school. Sounds exhausting
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
You certainly seem to have a rich, internal imagination. This your first time on BP? You only get one side of a story...this isn't a conversation.
Load More Replies...
liam newton-harding 1 month ago (edited)
Right...it's Gen Z that's causing alllllllllllll the problems.
Load More Replies... KatSaidThat 1 month ago
So I'm just going to drop in that this will not be the only time they have spoken behind her back. Was it OTT to take the turkey? Probably. Would I have done the same in that moment of hurt and anger? Probably. They sound like they were more upset about the food leaving than her, so time to find new friends.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago (edited)
They all seem insufferable. I also agree that dragging OP down so a pregnant woman can feel confident is absolutely trashy. Straight up mean girls feeding off each others’ high school aged insecurities. They sure as shít have not *grown up* together because none of them have matured since they’ve all met. They’re all exhausting.
Amy S 1 month ago
I think taking the turkey is fair, she cooked it so she should get to eat it.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
right! do these people expect her to give them the turkey, and go home to make herself something else? you make someone feel unwelcome and they leave, why shouldn't they take the food they prepared with them.
Load More Replies... Nizumi 1 month ago
NTA - but not for what most people are saying. OP had been in an a*****e relationship. Having been in her shoes, I know her reaction was partly trauma response. She just discovered that the people she trusted had betrayed her, all ganged up on her behind her back and conspired to pull the rug out from under her. Her friends knew what she went through in that bad relationship and knew how hard she had to work to get back to being herself, and they still expected her to tone herself down to accommodate their insecurities. Fûck off. OP needs better friends.
Binny Tutera 1 month ago
My thoughts, too. She finally gets to dress the way she likes and these”friends” not only don’t understand, but retaliate against her for it.
Load More Replies... Motivated sloth 1 month ago
I can’t believe I’ve just read this and the long list of NTA comments. Over a dress code. To a friends house for Thanksgiving. How do people find the time for such nonsense? I don’t necessarily think she’s an ah, the whole situation is just incredibly stupid.
Jp@nda 1 month ago
I love that you're talking trash about how incredibly stupid it is to waste time on "such nonsense" that's incredibly stupid. Yet you are doing the same thing!? I mean ugh... How did you find the time for such foolery?
Load More Replies... Angela C 1 month ago
There's a word for people who drag others down to feel better about themselves. They're called bûllies and OP has every right to not put up with being búllied like that
S. R. 1 month ago
I don't understand WHY on earth would it have been ok to leave the food there? OP is not hired help. She leaves, she takes the food she has purchased with her own money and prepared all by herself with her. She wouldn't have left a slipper behind, why would she leave food behind? Seriously, that's even more infuriating than the scheming behind her back
WonderWoman 1 month ago
They CONSPIRED to make OP feel crappy. It was intentional and mean. They miscalculated OP's response, thinking she would just sit there shamed by this group of witches - jokes on them!! They are more upset being left with a bunch of crappy sides and no main dish than they are about being backstabbing horrible people.
Roberta Surprenant 1 month ago
Getting Legally Blonde vibes, when Elle wore playboy bunny costume.
Ann Kapoxeet 1 month ago
Do friends really consult each other about "matching" their clothing styles? That's weird. Who the fork cares what your friends are wearing?
Mike F 1 month ago
It sometimes is. Before I retired I worked with a guy who was probably the oldest in his group (think him ~39, the group in their 20s) and they absolutely did that kind of thing.
Load More Replies... Trillian 1 month ago
A dress code for a get together with friends? Some people like to make a performance out of everything ...
Andy 1 month ago
Yeah, 6 friends meeting up for a pot luck dinner does not need a "dress code", and certainly not one to be obsessing over. Sounds like an exhausting group of people
Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds 1 month ago
All the ESHs and the YTAs are the true AHs. They changed the dress code behind Ops back to embarrass her. It backfired, and they had no turkey because of it. Too fracking bad. If you play FAFO, you deserve to find out. I support Op's reaction. I believe in doing to others as they do to you, not as you would have them do to you. AH actions begot AH actions. I live by that rule. In other words, I give back the energy I receive. If you FK me, I FKU..
Shelley Colleen 1 month ago (edited)
Perhaps it's because of my age (first wave GenX) but I'm a bit baffled by these "goup chat" friend circles. They spend 25% of their time doing things together and the other 75% of their time talking to each other about the crăp they're planning to do with each other. Then, Reddit and BP are packed with people complaining about how their "friend group" has managed to hurt, disappoint, and disrespect them somehow. There are plenty of people in the world! Ditch that tired group of "old friends" that most likely complain nonstop about each other in private, and find more interesting folks who won't try to hurt your feelings to protect one cranky preggo!
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
These people are NOT your friends. It's that simple. These women sound completely toxic. I would just plant them firmly in my rearview.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
I can't understand the people saying she shouldn't have taken the food she prepared with her! was she supposed to leave THEM the food, after they made her feel unwelcome, and to go away and make herself some other food instead?
Bette 1 month ago
As the parent of six grown "children" and grandparents of ten, I tell them all that feelings are valid and honest. I am disappointed in the "friend" group behaving like junior high juveniles behind this person's back. With her back story, it only seems as if she is exploring her own style and expression. With the resulting fallout I think it best if she find other friends.
Nikki Sevven 1 month ago
I can't even imagine worrying about what my friends are wearing. How bizarre.
BoredPangolin 1 month ago
Anyone making plans in your back is NOT your friend. Anyone jealous enough of whatever about you that they would make plans to "trap" you is NOT your friend. And turkey costs money. Of course take it back and leave. Is it petty? I think it's only fair. You don't want the person would can be taken advantage of with no consequences, otherwise it becomes a habit in your mind.
EB 3 weeks ago
Glad you left, and forget about them. They are definitely insecure and probably resent the fact that you are 100% you. Thou, I might have asked for scissors, cut my t-shirt, sweat pants, put some of her make-up, perfume, and told them, guess what, heading to a neighborhood turkey BBQ party. Taking the turkey. I don't think you deserve me. Walk away. Block their phones and ciao ciao. I was invited once to a BBQ. The host asked me to bring my chicken leg since I dont eat pork. Then she proceeded to ask me if I could make a pecan pie for 50 people, ( I currently live in Italy) She decided not only to invite our group but her graduation class. I just told her no. And cut her off my list of friends. Lol
Paula Glasscoe 1 month ago
Why the need to yuk someone else’s yum? I LOVE seeing/hearing about other people’s enthusiasms, even if it’s not something I’m into myself. I’d be complimenting them and maybe asking for advice, positivity brings so much more in respect of conversation and learning than a cycle of negative bit’ching. Not that I’m perfect at it by any means, but I do try to halt my thoughts when they drift that way and I’ve had lots of excellent interactions with people that I may have instantly thought on a surface level “weren’t my people”. First thoughts are instinct/conditioning, second thoughts are you.
Michele campfens 1 month ago
They FAFO. What are you to apologise for? Why would YBTAH? No action on your part was malicious or manipulative. You brought food. They bullied you. You took your belongings and went home. What did they expect?
rosadobber arizona 1 month ago
They all seem stuck in high school. Break up and grow up. And don't be making babies until you mature
Serena Myers 1 month ago
What is Friendsgiving? Is it different to Thanksgiving, which is what BP titled it earlier?
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
It's getting together with the "family" you choose...friends, close co-workers...rather than the mandatory family you have to go visit.
Load More Replies... J. Maxx 1 month ago
When I read stories like this, I thank the Goddess I have no close friends. I do have a female friend I have known since I was 15, and I'm just turned 57. We live in 2 different states and talk once in a while. I gave her $2000 (my family consists of 4 adults, three disabled and on a fixed income, and one who works) because she was struggling and her family is s**t. A month later, she called and asked if I could lend her $200. I was taken aback and, frankly, pissed off. She knows we struggle financially, and I couldn't understand how she could turn around and ask for more money after the massive gift I (we, cause it came from the family account, yes, with my family's blessing) gave her. I haven't spoken to her since and don't know if I will ever again.
sweet emotion 1 month ago
Maria's confidence issues are NOT OP's problem and Maria needs to deal with them herself instead of whinging about it behind OP's back. OP needs to develop her own friend group instead of still clinging to the "cool older kids" group. That said, while I understand the impulse to walk away (with the turkey, no less!), my petty self would have stayed and done my best to make everyone feel terribly uncomfortable about their attempts to "shame" me for generally taking pride in my appearance.
Joe Publique 1 month ago
This entire group sounds insufferable and they all have a lot of growing up to do.
Irene Bucior 1 month ago
I would have left, but I also would have left the food there after telling them all to choke on it.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 month ago
so, she's supposed to make last minute arrangements for her own meal, is she? she's got every right to take that turkey home and eat it. she prepared it.
Load More Replies... K Barnes 1 month ago
People don't actually think this much about "dress codes" and what other people are wearing, do they? Are there actually people like this out there?
Tom Brincefield 1 month ago
Yes. There are people in the world that are like everything that is written on Reddit. Some of the stories are fake, especially since AI has taken off, but no matter how outrageous it seems, there is someone who thinks it's perfectly fine.
Load More Replies... Matt 1 month ago
The young generation are weak and whiners these days. Get over yourselves. They all could use some time doing something difficult. Like manual labor and real actual struggles.
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
Like back in the day you walked to school, uphill...both ways...on the way to school...then went down the mine, and paid for the privilege of working there? Get over yourself, boomer.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
Never heard an American call them joggers before. The whole stress code thing is weird to start with especially because they are either dressed up or in pjs? They never do jeans and a t-shirt or sweater? Or just wear different things? Anyway, it was rude to exclude OP from group chat, they should have been up front. But it sounds like they were trying to avoid triggers/drama about clothing and failed. OP could have let it go, but decided for max drama with a storm out and you can't have my food, which seems really over the top. All in all they seem like they never left high school. Sounds exhausting
liam newton-harding 1 month ago
You certainly seem to have a rich, internal imagination. This your first time on BP? You only get one side of a story...this isn't a conversation.
Load More Replies... liam newton-harding 1 month ago (edited)
Right...it's Gen Z that's causing alllllllllllll the problems.
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