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Woman Invites Herself To A Friend’s House To Throw A Party For Family And Friends, Gets Ghosted
Woman Invites Herself To A Friend’s House To Throw A Party For Family And Friends, Gets Ghosted
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Woman Invites Herself To A Friend’s House To Throw A Party For Family And Friends, Gets Ghosted

37

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It’s always nice to have friends. After all, we humans are pretty social creatures and not everyone has a family one wants to hang out with all the time. But sometimes one’s “friends” are really just freeloaders who want to use your time, resources and energy to get free stuff.

A netizen shared their horror stories with an entitled friend who kept trying to organize last minute parties at their home. She would then start inviting all sorts of random guests without even consulting the host. We reached out to the person who shared the story via private message and will update the article when they get back to us.

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    Helping a friend host a party is a very normal thing to do

    Image credits: George Milton / pexels (not the actual photo)

    But one person realized that their friend was just taking advantage of them through all sorts of last-minute demands

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    Image credits: Luis Quintero / pexels (not the actual photo)

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    Image source: Away-Search784

    Humans greatly benefit from having friends

    Image credits: ELEVATE / pexels (not the actual photo)

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    It’s probably not a surprise to anyone that having friends isn’t just some nice feeling, it’s actually good for your mental and physical health. In fact, this “effect” is so pronounced, some researchers label it a “behavioral vaccine,” as it can positively affect entire groups. Among women, having a friend group lessens the risk of suicide while among both genders, it lowers school drop-out rates, aggression and crime.

    There are also weaker links to actual, physical health, although currently researchers are still working out the precise mechanics. Some theories suggest that people with friends will lead a more healthy lifestyle, as they will naturally be more active. This could be a chicken-and-egg situation, as many people make friends at, for example, a gym or sporting club.

    However, the conclusion still remains the same, it’s better to have friends then not. We are pretty social creatures that don’t do that well alone. Even extreme introverts need to talk sometimes and with texting and video chatting, it’s never been easier for an introvert to just keep in touch without burning through their social battery.

    Toxic people will often manipulate you into seeing “their side”

    Image credits: fauxels / pexels (not the actual photo)

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    However, as this story demonstrates, not all friendships are made equal. They can be very one sided, one’s “friends” might just be terrible people or, at worst, they could be “parasites” that just leach off of the people who think they are friends. The most classic example of a “toxic friendship” is when one party ignores boundaries.

    In this story, that’s exactly what has happened. Not only is this friend ignoring relational boundaries by pushing an agenda, she is very literally overstepping property boundaries by trying to use another person’s home for her own needs. In some cases, they might even be entitled enough to not feel like they are doing anything wrong. Entitlement is often very toxic, as it turns what is supposed to be a relationship into an exchange of goods and services.

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    Similarly, toxic friends will display a shocking lack of empathy. This is just as visible in this story, as the “friend” keeps pushing, even when the person who shared the story is clearly not comfortable. She also keeps inviting new people, which, at best, shows a clear lack of social boundaries. But more likely, she is simply aware that she can get away with it, at least in her mind.

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    The first step is realizing that this relationship has issues

    Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)

    Some readers blamed the person who shared the story for not setting up boundaries earlier. It certainly would have helped, but it’s important to keep in mind that manipulative, toxic people will very often make it hard to understand that they are bad for you. After all, many of us want to see the best in people, a trait that it can be good to keep.

    The fact that they have to ask the internet for advice is a sign that this person is untangling all the actions of this woman. The first step would be to set boundaries and keep them. A good friend would respect your boundaries. If this woman keeps overstepping, this is a clear sign that it’s best to end this relationship now.

    Ultimately, one thing that can help end a bad friendship is a good one. Most people do not want to be alone, so they maintain even bad relationships. So having a support network to turn to can help offset the sudden lack of socialization. Hopefully, the myriad of comments supporting them will help this person realize that this woman is not a friend and is just taking advantage.

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    Most people thought the friend was way out of line

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    But some blamed the host for not standing up for themselves

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    Poll Question

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    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    Read less »
    Justin Sandberg

    Justin Sandberg

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

    What do you think ?
    Guy Bare
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People shaming her for not being able to say No... Like hey, some of us got an education (maybe a little bit too strict sometimes) and "No" was not allowed. And you have to deal with not being about to say No like your whole life. Let's shame the "friend" for her lack of éducation instead.

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True, it took time, but learning to be a b***h was one of the best lessons I learned after being on my own.

    Load More Replies...
    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When one of my family members asks if I'm busy at a certain time, the answer is always yes, because I know she's only asking because she wants me to do something at that time that I don't want to do. OP might want to try that moving forward with this "friend" (assuming they remain friends).

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s very hard to say no in the moment because how shocking the presumption is and how women are socialized to always say yes. Good for OP for stopping to think and then backing out.

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just too weird. Is your garden nicer than hers or does she just not like cleaning up after? It's less messy all round to ditch her now before you find yourself opening the door to a child with a bin bag of laundry saying "Mam said to put this in your machine" or finding a total stranger out cold on your sofa after the party.

    AMaureen Dance
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm guessing a little from column A, a little from column B

    Load More Replies...
    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised "friend" didn't show up anyway, crowd in tow.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP should get better at saying no instead of hoping that the other person is polite enough to pick up on her hints. But she's NTA for how she handled it either. She should honestly drop the friend though.

    Bored Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Thanks for sharing your viewpoint! Learning to establish clear boundaries is definitely key. Do you think there’s a supportive way to help friends become more assertive?

    Load More Replies...
    Bernie j. Janinsky
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have a friend who calls to always complain about her friend ' Shelley' who's CONSTANTLY taking advantage of her. When SN says "You understand "NO" IS a complete sentence?", 'Maryn' replies "But I have to keep my word!" " 'I'll think about it' is NOT 'Yes.'" "But I Have To Keep My Word!" Follow the example of Ladybird Johnson...JUST SAY NO (you can add the 'Oh Hades, No' at your discretion.)

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is not a friend, that is someone who is up to no good and an absolute twatblanket to boot.

    Nancy Bania
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always remember - No one can take advantage of you without your permission!

    Mike m
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like she got high and wanted to have a party at your expense and eventually the high wore off.

    notlikeyou1971
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop allowing these entitled ppl to invade your life all the time. Id stop answering her calls and texts or this will continue to be the norm in your life. Id learn real fast to say NO. Quit being a doormat. You're never going to have a moment of peace if you don't learn to refuse things or say NO. Put up boundaries in your life.This is no friend if they basically continue to use you and your home as a location for events all the time. Stop letting ppl walk all over you . You seem annoyed with the situation. STOP IT FROM HAPPENING! SAY NO! IM BUSY!

    Joanne Mendonza-Earle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was having a housewarming party when my ex and I bought our first townhouse. One of my friends calls and says she's bringing all these friends of hers too. I straight out told her no. She and her b/f were invited, and I didn't want strangers in my house. I'd never met them before. Furthermore, it was too late to go out and get more of everything when we had planned for a certain #. She seemed mad when we hung up, but she and her b/f showed up alone and was fine as the day went on.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I stop being friends with people who constantly call me asking whether I'm busy now or on a certain date without offering the reason or context. It's almost always something that they want to use you for. If I genuinely want to know if a friend is busy for something or can help me with something I need, I always give context and word it in a way that they know what it is and why. "Hey, if you're not busy would you be able to blahblahblah..." That way they can just say they're busy whether they are or not. Im automatically suspicious when just asked "If I'm busy right now?" If you're making ask why before answering whether I'm busy or not, you're kind of an a*****e. And before you whine "but what if they're genuinely asking?", why can't you just give the reason why you're asking? I know somehere will then ask "well, durrr what if it's for something like a surprise party? durrr" you can still offer context and have the reason be for something else, OBVIOUSLY.

    G A
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another freeloader gets her just deserves.

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suppose normal behaviour doesn't get reported, so all we see are the psychopaths (by which I mean the friend, not the OP). Sometimes it is difficult to deal with pushy and energetic people - alpha types will dominate beta friends. Often the result is pushing it too far and resulting in a frustrated scream and meltdown. Don't take advantage of the meekness of others.

    AMaureen Dance
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then they'll tell you that you have a 'short fuse'. No, Jen, my fuse is a mile long, and it started burning the day I met you.

    Load More Replies...
    whiterabbit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They both sound like children. I don't blame the friend for wanting to have the get-together at somebody else's place because who wants to host a BBQ in an apartment? But you need to communicate a plan and expectations, not just invite more people without asking. I hate last minute plans, especially when it involves hosting, but you already agreed to a BBQ, why does it matter if two more adults are coming, especially when the friend agreed to buy and cook the food? If that does matter to you, which is your right since it's your house, COMMUNICATE that you don't want to host so many people. Agreeing to something then ignoring everyone for hours as a way of backing out is ridiculous.

    Guy Bare
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People shaming her for not being able to say No... Like hey, some of us got an education (maybe a little bit too strict sometimes) and "No" was not allowed. And you have to deal with not being about to say No like your whole life. Let's shame the "friend" for her lack of éducation instead.

    Roberta Surprenant
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    True, it took time, but learning to be a b***h was one of the best lessons I learned after being on my own.

    Load More Replies...
    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When one of my family members asks if I'm busy at a certain time, the answer is always yes, because I know she's only asking because she wants me to do something at that time that I don't want to do. OP might want to try that moving forward with this "friend" (assuming they remain friends).

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s very hard to say no in the moment because how shocking the presumption is and how women are socialized to always say yes. Good for OP for stopping to think and then backing out.

    TribbleThinking
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just too weird. Is your garden nicer than hers or does she just not like cleaning up after? It's less messy all round to ditch her now before you find yourself opening the door to a child with a bin bag of laundry saying "Mam said to put this in your machine" or finding a total stranger out cold on your sofa after the party.

    AMaureen Dance
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm guessing a little from column A, a little from column B

    Load More Replies...
    Sunny Day
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised "friend" didn't show up anyway, crowd in tow.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP should get better at saying no instead of hoping that the other person is polite enough to pick up on her hints. But she's NTA for how she handled it either. She should honestly drop the friend though.

    Bored Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Thanks for sharing your viewpoint! Learning to establish clear boundaries is definitely key. Do you think there’s a supportive way to help friends become more assertive?

    Load More Replies...
    Bernie j. Janinsky
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have a friend who calls to always complain about her friend ' Shelley' who's CONSTANTLY taking advantage of her. When SN says "You understand "NO" IS a complete sentence?", 'Maryn' replies "But I have to keep my word!" " 'I'll think about it' is NOT 'Yes.'" "But I Have To Keep My Word!" Follow the example of Ladybird Johnson...JUST SAY NO (you can add the 'Oh Hades, No' at your discretion.)

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is not a friend, that is someone who is up to no good and an absolute twatblanket to boot.

    Nancy Bania
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always remember - No one can take advantage of you without your permission!

    Mike m
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like she got high and wanted to have a party at your expense and eventually the high wore off.

    notlikeyou1971
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stop allowing these entitled ppl to invade your life all the time. Id stop answering her calls and texts or this will continue to be the norm in your life. Id learn real fast to say NO. Quit being a doormat. You're never going to have a moment of peace if you don't learn to refuse things or say NO. Put up boundaries in your life.This is no friend if they basically continue to use you and your home as a location for events all the time. Stop letting ppl walk all over you . You seem annoyed with the situation. STOP IT FROM HAPPENING! SAY NO! IM BUSY!

    Joanne Mendonza-Earle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was having a housewarming party when my ex and I bought our first townhouse. One of my friends calls and says she's bringing all these friends of hers too. I straight out told her no. She and her b/f were invited, and I didn't want strangers in my house. I'd never met them before. Furthermore, it was too late to go out and get more of everything when we had planned for a certain #. She seemed mad when we hung up, but she and her b/f showed up alone and was fine as the day went on.

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I stop being friends with people who constantly call me asking whether I'm busy now or on a certain date without offering the reason or context. It's almost always something that they want to use you for. If I genuinely want to know if a friend is busy for something or can help me with something I need, I always give context and word it in a way that they know what it is and why. "Hey, if you're not busy would you be able to blahblahblah..." That way they can just say they're busy whether they are or not. Im automatically suspicious when just asked "If I'm busy right now?" If you're making ask why before answering whether I'm busy or not, you're kind of an a*****e. And before you whine "but what if they're genuinely asking?", why can't you just give the reason why you're asking? I know somehere will then ask "well, durrr what if it's for something like a surprise party? durrr" you can still offer context and have the reason be for something else, OBVIOUSLY.

    G A
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another freeloader gets her just deserves.

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suppose normal behaviour doesn't get reported, so all we see are the psychopaths (by which I mean the friend, not the OP). Sometimes it is difficult to deal with pushy and energetic people - alpha types will dominate beta friends. Often the result is pushing it too far and resulting in a frustrated scream and meltdown. Don't take advantage of the meekness of others.

    AMaureen Dance
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then they'll tell you that you have a 'short fuse'. No, Jen, my fuse is a mile long, and it started burning the day I met you.

    Load More Replies...
    whiterabbit
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They both sound like children. I don't blame the friend for wanting to have the get-together at somebody else's place because who wants to host a BBQ in an apartment? But you need to communicate a plan and expectations, not just invite more people without asking. I hate last minute plans, especially when it involves hosting, but you already agreed to a BBQ, why does it matter if two more adults are coming, especially when the friend agreed to buy and cook the food? If that does matter to you, which is your right since it's your house, COMMUNICATE that you don't want to host so many people. Agreeing to something then ignoring everyone for hours as a way of backing out is ridiculous.

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