Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
42
‘Friends’ Bothered By Plus-Size Woman Dating A Hot Boyfriend, Say She’s Not Good Enough For Him
Some people might find true family and connection in their friends. Yet others may only experience pain and toxicity. A 2011 poll by TODAY showed that it’s more common than we think: eight in 10 Americans said they’ve had a toxic friend at some point in their lives. What’s more, the statistics were higher for women: 84% experienced a toxic friendship.
This woman found herself in an unpleasant friendship, too. After she found out her friends deemed her ‘too ugly’ for her boyfriend behind her back, she wondered how she should approach them. That’s why she asked for advice online: should she just overcome her insecurities, or is it best to kick these friends out of her life?
RELATED:
A woman had to deal with friends telling her she’s not attractive enough for her boyfriend
Image credits: Allef Vinicius / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But she had enough after she found out they were gossiping about her behind her back
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GhoulsAnonymous
In the comments, she wrote more about her appearance and why some people might call the BF “out of her league”
Attractiveness is so much more than a person’s physical features
Are looks really the most important thing people look for in a partner? Research from all over the world shows that no – people value personality way more when it comes to a partner. And although women tend to be more pro-personality than men, the trend is still obvious all across the globe.
In the U.S., around 93% of women say that having a partner whose personality they like matters more than their looks. 68% of American men said the same. In Britain, sense of humor comes in second for both men (32%) and women (33%).
Women also choose their partners based on shared interests, good looks, and financial standing last. It’s very similar for men, with good looks rated as the fifth most important thing in a partner.
A 2024 study also found that a partner’s sense of self-compassion boosts a partner’s relationship satisfaction. Individuals who treat themselves with kindness are perceived by partners as good at constructive conflict resolution, trustworthy, and strongly committed.
We’re somewhat wired to find certain physical features attractive due to biology
Image credits: Ihor Rapita / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That’s not to say that looks don’t matter at all. But when we consider whether a person looks attractive, it doesn’t necessarily mean their physical features. Things like good hygiene, personal style, and good posture all contribute to a person’s attractiveness.
Evolutionary scientists say that we’re attracted to people that we see as best mates biologically. Men, for example, look for physical signs of fertility in women – some relate it to a woman’s hip size. There’s also age: men tend to choose younger partners in many cultures due to their perceived fertility.
In turn, women look for physical signs of strength and ability to provide for children in men. That can sometimes manifest as being attracted to musculature in the upper body. In general, we might unconsciously rate potential mates based on what genes they can pass on to our children.
Love and physical attraction are two different things
Some people don’t need to be physically attracted to a person to experience love; it’s usually people who identify as asexual. Those who have experienced trauma might also not feel physical attraction but still form romantic relationships.
But research also shows that attraction may weaken with time, especially for women, but love doesn’t. When people say that they fall in love with their partner more and more every day, there’s some truth to that. Studies have shown that we find faces that we see often more attractive. Therefore, familiarity can make someone more attractive.
The relationship between attraction and love is also very personal and depends on the individual. According to the coordinator of gender-based violence prevention at Johns Hopkins University, Tyler Conzone, MPH, “we can look at anyone in our lives and find attractive qualities within them, while knowing what role we want them to play in our lives.”
“You can find a friend physically attractive or be able to share your feelings with them, but in your heart, you know that you wouldn’t want to be with them romantically. Similarly, you can be romantically attracted to someone or know someone is ‘perfect on paper’ for you, but if there isn’t the right connection, then there’s no way that a romantic relationship could work,” she explains.
“Drop the backstabbing friends, get supportive ones,” the commenters responded
The supportive comments inspired her and her BF to look for a new group of friends
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Shark Lady 3 months ago
So many people need to concentrate on their own lives, there must be something lacking in them if they can be so nasty. We all have troubles and insecurities, but you don't go tearing someone else down just to make yourself feel better. Such intense jealousy makes a person ugly.
Mattie Beckert 3 months ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
Also crazy to assume everyone wants the same body type. Even if you're shallow and don't care about the actual person and relationship, there's a lot of variation in who people find attractive. My roommate and I have really different taste in men, and joke about how we'd never fight over a guy because it would be rare we'd both be hot for the same one. In a country like Korea where there's such an effort to conform to one look, being different might be the sexiest thing
Emilu 3 months ago (edited)
Korea is pretty body-shamey. I hate to say that as I'm Korean, but... it is what it is. These are the people that feel they need to have surgery on their eyelids because monolids aren't attractive enough. Anyone plus-size in Western terms is considered a freaking weirdo because of their size. I remember when I went to (South) Korea as a teen and wanted a leather jacket, and was told, "this one is the only one that would fit you, because you're fat." This was over a decade ago. It actually didn't zip, and it only zips now that I've lost weight due to health issues (Edit: I should mention I wasn't overweight in my teens). TL;DR: Do not base your body standards on South Korean body standards. You are setting yourself up for both failure and misery.
Shark Lady 3 months ago
So many people need to concentrate on their own lives, there must be something lacking in them if they can be so nasty. We all have troubles and insecurities, but you don't go tearing someone else down just to make yourself feel better. Such intense jealousy makes a person ugly.
Mattie Beckert 3 months ago (edited)
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 months ago
Also crazy to assume everyone wants the same body type. Even if you're shallow and don't care about the actual person and relationship, there's a lot of variation in who people find attractive. My roommate and I have really different taste in men, and joke about how we'd never fight over a guy because it would be rare we'd both be hot for the same one. In a country like Korea where there's such an effort to conform to one look, being different might be the sexiest thing
Emilu 3 months ago (edited)
Korea is pretty body-shamey. I hate to say that as I'm Korean, but... it is what it is. These are the people that feel they need to have surgery on their eyelids because monolids aren't attractive enough. Anyone plus-size in Western terms is considered a freaking weirdo because of their size. I remember when I went to (South) Korea as a teen and wanted a leather jacket, and was told, "this one is the only one that would fit you, because you're fat." This was over a decade ago. It actually didn't zip, and it only zips now that I've lost weight due to health issues (Edit: I should mention I wasn't overweight in my teens). TL;DR: Do not base your body standards on South Korean body standards. You are setting yourself up for both failure and misery.
You May Like Guy Refuses To Accept Break-Up With GF After Going On A Romantic Trip With A Female Friend Jealous Mom Demands To Bring Kids On Girls Trip, Friend Says "Absolutely Not" Lifelong Friendship In Ruins After Guy Doesn’t Past Bestie’s “Loyalty Test”, He’s Livid
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Related on Bored Panda
33
24