“AITA For Wanting To Divorce My Wife Because She Caused Me To Go To The ER?”
Every relationship has its ups and downs. But no matter what, boundaries are vital. Without them, it’s hard to ensure both partners treat each other with the respect and kindness they deserve. But sometimes, a partner’s behavior forces you to reevaluate everything you think you know about them.
Redditor u/outsidelookingin987 recently went viral after asking the friendly r/AITAH online community for advice. He shared how he’s considering divorcing his wife, who is going through perimenopause, after she hurt him at home. Read on for the full story, as well as the tips from other internet users. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Perimenopause, which can last for years, can sometimes lead to erratic behavior
Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
A husband turned to the internet for advice after his wife, who is going through perimenopause, hurt him at home
Image credits: Joanna Bourne author/Flickr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: outsidelookingin987
Emotions going haywire is one of the hallmarks of perimenopause
Image credits: Liza Summer/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Perimenopause is the time in women’s lives leading up to menopause when their periods stop. Perimenopause can last anywhere between 2 to 10 years. During this time, women’s bodies release eggs less regularly and produce less estrogen. Women also become less fertile and have shorter and more irregular menstrual cycles.
Perimenopause can affect some women’s emotions and lead to erratic and unpredictable mood swings. They might suddenly feel incredibly sad, anxious, or angry for little to no reason. Small inconveniences can also lead to a lot of irritability.
During this period, women can also have trouble concentrating due to brain fog. Others might battle with depression as their hormone levels change.
Understandably, major changes in our lives can affect how we behave. Hormones going wild can sometimes make people behave in unpredictable and out-of-character ways. However, we are not entirely at the mercy of our hormones, even though they can make things very difficult for us and disrupt our day.
We can and should exercise restraint. And, frankly, there is no excuse for physical or emotional abuse at home. Throwing things at your loved one because they didn’t make the morning coffee is cause for concern.
There are steps that can be taken to manage the stress levels better
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A good marriage counselor might be able to help the couple unpack, heal, and move past the incident with the ER. However, other lifestyle changes might need to be made, too, to help the transition through the perimenopause period.
That means embracing a healthier lifestyle with plenty of exercise, a nutritious diet, and lots of sleep. It also means finding better ways of managing one’s stress, whether that’s through meditation, doing yoga, or practicing deep breathing techniques.
Going to therapy individually can also help. As can having an active social life where you know that you can talk to your friends about all of your problems.
In some fringe cases, you may need to consider hormone replacement therapy to balance the hormone levels. However, this is a pretty big step to take, so it’s absolutely essential that you talk it through with your doctor.
Many internet users wanted to show their support for the author. Here’s the advice they gave him
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If someone decides to try to move forward in a relationship after something like this happens, one of the most important things to consider is whether the wife is prioritizing making sure the husband is safe (including removing herself from the home if need be while she addresses this), or if she is prioritizing not getting in trouble.
Yes indeed. I would add that, for me at least, it's important that the wife gets medical advice.
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From what I understand, that kind of rage can occur during periomenopause. And the OP didnt mention any sort of violence like that before. Two good reasons not to dismiss her as a bad and irredemable person. BUT. She assaulted him. That is also real, and dangerous to him and their kid. If she is dangerous, she should leave the home until the right medications are found.
PMS can cause rage too. And yet I've never assaulted anyone when I was dealing it. I'm currently pre-menopausal as well. No matter how mad I get at someone it would never cause me to throw a heavy object at their head! Hormones are not an excuse for violence.
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What would happen if he threw a cup at his wife and excused himself by citing “his hormones”?
Yes I was thinking that. He should reimagine the question but with the roles reversed, and it was a female friend asking him the same question, and hopefully he would see how awful it is of his wife to do that.
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If someone decides to try to move forward in a relationship after something like this happens, one of the most important things to consider is whether the wife is prioritizing making sure the husband is safe (including removing herself from the home if need be while she addresses this), or if she is prioritizing not getting in trouble.
Yes indeed. I would add that, for me at least, it's important that the wife gets medical advice.
Load More Replies... From what I understand, that kind of rage can occur during periomenopause. And the OP didnt mention any sort of violence like that before. Two good reasons not to dismiss her as a bad and irredemable person. BUT. She assaulted him. That is also real, and dangerous to him and their kid. If she is dangerous, she should leave the home until the right medications are found.
PMS can cause rage too. And yet I've never assaulted anyone when I was dealing it. I'm currently pre-menopausal as well. No matter how mad I get at someone it would never cause me to throw a heavy object at their head! Hormones are not an excuse for violence.
Load More Replies... What would happen if he threw a cup at his wife and excused himself by citing “his hormones”?
Yes I was thinking that. He should reimagine the question but with the roles reversed, and it was a female friend asking him the same question, and hopefully he would see how awful it is of his wife to do that.
Load More Replies...
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