“I’d Pick Our Baby Over You”: Woman Horrified At Husband’s Nonchalant Choice
In any serious relationship, there will come a time when you need to talk about kids. Having them, or not having them, every couple is different, but as long as both parties are on the same page, the relationship has a chance to grow and develop. But if the couple doesn’t see eye to eye, there is going to be friction.
A woman shared her concern that her husband saw her as just a baby-incubator when he said he would pick their unborn child over her. Readers shared their opinions and stories. We reached out to Throwra_aitababy and will update the story when she gets back to us.
Couples sometimes disagree over kids
Image credits: melis can / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman was worried after her husband stated that he would pick their kid over her
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: George Milton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwra_aitababy
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s understandable why the wife would be worried
At first glance, the husband’s words might end up looking even more concerning. Fortunately, as OP acknowledges, he was speaking about a purely hypothetical situation. That being said, it’s a cold comfort for her. While it’s perhaps good that the father cares and is involved in the well-being of his child, she now has to live with the fear that in a life-and-death situation, she can’t actually trust her husband.
In general, there is something about babies that makes some people go a little overboard. “Picking” the child is a dramatic-sounding gesture, particularly when the husband isn’t the one at risk, but it no doubt comes from a very real place. As many commentators have stated, his words do seem particularly out-of-touch.
After all, it’s the mother who is at risk during childbirth and, all things considered, the doctors would be making the major decisions, not the husband. While we do not know more about his psychology, we can give a bit of the benefit of the doubt. OP describes the relationship between them as loving and positive.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Having kids often comes with all sorts of new responsibilities
So the explanation could be an expecting father, perhaps nervous about his new role, taking on a degree of bravado as a coping mechanism. Perhaps this is something that helps him get into the mindset of being a father. However, as OP notes, he has not at all considered how this makes his wife and the mother of his child feel.
It’s not unreasonable to be stressed when expecting a child, particularly if it’s your first. Not only is a kid a lot of work and a new challenge for most adults but there are also all sorts of tertiary issues. Often enough, it can change the dynamic within a relationship, as this story demonstrates. Even in solid couples, a kid can also lead to a new and undesirable dynamic with the extended family.
Even “small” things like the name can be cause for drama, debate, and arguments, so the question of life versus death is no doubt stressful enough. After all, if the father and husband is stressed, the wife and mother has to be even more concerned. Remember, she is the one who actually has to go through with childbirth.
Image credits: William Fortunato / Pexels (not the actual photo)
There is no need to assume the worst
All in all, the husband should perhaps think a little more about his words. His statement did sort of come out of nowhere, so he shouldn’t be that surprised that his wife was immediately concerned. After all, why is he suddenly thinking about death and who he would choose? It’s natural that an expecting father would be nervous, but there is no reason to make his wife’s anxiety worse.
To not assume the worst, it’s best to hope that this is just a poorly chosen turn of phrase. OP has many good things to say about their relationship, so there is no need to immediately assume the absolute worst. That being said, this can serve as a good example about the importance of picking your words wisely, something the husband will have to do a lot more as a father.
Readers supported OP’s concern
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It's the difference between "I would sacrifice my life for this baby" and "I would sacrifice YOUR life for this baby". The first is heroic. The second is satanic.
Right? I think it would have landed different if he had said "id do the same in your shoes. We should be willing to sacrifice ourselves for our child." Making the statement less about him choosing HER fate. That stated, I do feel that her hormones might be escalating because I dont agree that he's saying she's "just an incubator" Prioritizing one over the other doesn't mean the other is dirt beneath one's shoes.
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Doctors don't actually ask anyone to make a choice between mother's life and baby's life. They try to save both, but they will not let the person who is having the medical crisis die in order to focus on the unborn, not even if the husband asks them to.
It's scary how blasé he was about it, especially because it wasn't even part of the conversation they were having. I'm not surprised OP is feeling all sorts of ways about it; hubby seems to have given this a lot of thought and reduced his wife to an incubator.
Not to mention the shïtty amount of Redditors who obviously chided her for feeling that way. Wanting her to believe that her thoughts were just hypothetical, never going to happen in real life... 🙄 Well no kidding! Mothers still are dying while giving birth! So considering such a scenario is more than valid! And wanting your husband to have you staying alive is more than a very real and legit request! To add something to this when it comes to the animal kingdom: I once have learned (though this was 2 decades ago) that cheetahs would always chose the survival of the mother. Even as devastating as the loss of a newborn would be... the mother is the one who could have another baby. Tending instead to the newborn while letting the mother die would jeopardize the whole survival of the clan...
Load More Replies... It's the difference between "I would sacrifice my life for this baby" and "I would sacrifice YOUR life for this baby". The first is heroic. The second is satanic.
Right? I think it would have landed different if he had said "id do the same in your shoes. We should be willing to sacrifice ourselves for our child." Making the statement less about him choosing HER fate. That stated, I do feel that her hormones might be escalating because I dont agree that he's saying she's "just an incubator" Prioritizing one over the other doesn't mean the other is dirt beneath one's shoes.
Load More Replies... Doctors don't actually ask anyone to make a choice between mother's life and baby's life. They try to save both, but they will not let the person who is having the medical crisis die in order to focus on the unborn, not even if the husband asks them to.
It's scary how blasé he was about it, especially because it wasn't even part of the conversation they were having. I'm not surprised OP is feeling all sorts of ways about it; hubby seems to have given this a lot of thought and reduced his wife to an incubator.
Not to mention the shïtty amount of Redditors who obviously chided her for feeling that way. Wanting her to believe that her thoughts were just hypothetical, never going to happen in real life... 🙄 Well no kidding! Mothers still are dying while giving birth! So considering such a scenario is more than valid! And wanting your husband to have you staying alive is more than a very real and legit request! To add something to this when it comes to the animal kingdom: I once have learned (though this was 2 decades ago) that cheetahs would always chose the survival of the mother. Even as devastating as the loss of a newborn would be... the mother is the one who could have another baby. Tending instead to the newborn while letting the mother die would jeopardize the whole survival of the clan...
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