Dad Refuses To Help With Newborn, Keeps Inviting Family Over For Visits, Wife Takes Revenge
At 4 months, the development of a baby’s brain might create instability in their sleep, resulting in fussiness, multiple night wakings, less napping, and appetite changes.
There is no single solution to fix these problems, and caregivers are encouraged to remember that sleep regressions are normal and, most importantly, temporary.
However, after Reddit user Adorable_Banana_7262‘s daughter started experiencing these disruptions, her husband failed to realize the toll they were taking on his wife as well. One time, he even invited his relatives to visit them early in the morning!
So the woman decided to give her partner a taste of his own medicine. Continue scrolling to read her post on the subreddit ‘AITAH,’ where she explains how she did it.
4-month-olds are known for their sleep regressions, and they can really disrupt the parents’ routines too
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But this woman’s husband couldn’t understand what she was going through
So she decided to show him what it feels like
Image credits: Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman updated her post, clearing up a few details
Image credits: Adorable_Banana_7262
Image credits: Dasha Halepova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Experts say that sleep deprivation hits mothers way harder than fathers
At this time, the Redditor and her husband must work together and help each other. Researchers tracking the sleep of thousands of men and women after their family size increased have discovered that shut-eye hits a low about three months after birth – with the effect strongest in women.
Interestingly, while parents gradually saw an improvement in their sleep as their firstborn grew, it seems their nighttime rest was never quite the same again.
“We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” said Dr. Sakari Lemola, co-author of the research from the University of Warwick.
He added that while children may stop crying during the night as they age, they may still wake up, be sick, or have nightmares, while the stress and worries that go with parenthood can also affect mom and dad’s sleep.
Published in the journal Sleep, the study looked at data collected from adults in Germany who were surveyed in face-to-face interviews carried out once a year between 2008 and 2015. Participants were asked to rate the quality of their sleep on a scale from 0 to 10, and were quizzed on how many hours of sleep they got on a normal weekday and a normal weekend day.
The researchers focused on responses from more than 2,500 women and almost 2,200 men who reported the birth of their first, second, or third child during the study, with participants followed for up to 6 years.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the team found women’s decline in sleep satisfaction in the first year after the birth of a child dropped by 1.7 points for the first child, and over one point for both the second and third child, compared with before their first pregnancy.
The mothers also lost about 40 minutes of sleep a night in the year after a baby arrived compared with pre-pregnancy levels, regardless of whether it was their first or a subsequent kid.
A deeper analysis of the data showed the first three months after the birth of a first child were particularly grueling, as women lost over an hour of sleep compared with before they became pregnant.
While similar trends were seen for fathers, the effects were less pronounced. Even three months after their first child’s birth, fathers lost only 13 minutes of sleep.
So maybe the husband might’ve very well needed the vivid illustration of what it’s like for his wife?
After her story went viral, the author of the post joined the discussion in the comments section
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MIL follows her into the bedroom? Is there no lock on the master bedroom? This sounds like ALL of my nightmares that exaggerate on how bad my inlaw's boundaries are... But even in those infuriating dreams, my dream's bedroom has a lock on the door... Time to pack baby up and head to mum or sibling's house for a bit. He doesn't sound like long term husband material.
If she has family or friends nearby then she can say that she’s visiting ____, go there for a few hours and take a nap. Either he can look after the baby for a few hours or she could take her too. If he complains that she didn’t let him know she was going out then she can say “you didn’t let me know your family was coming round at 8am either.”
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These guys need some communication therapy badly. My wife breastfed our son too. I still stayed up with her and held him while he was digesting before laying him down. He was a baby that did not sleep thru the night until well after he was a year old. Would wake up 3-4 times thru out the night and just cry. We were definitely sleep deprived but we shared the load as any good partnership should
Anyone here read the response to "Selmaris".... He fed baby, baby still hungry which is unusual. Guess what, he didn't feed the baby. He is an idiot.
Well…not necessarily. Baby may have wanted to cuddle after feeding. In my limited experience, the baby fed on breast would fall asleep while feeding but the bottle fed baby would be full but awake, and would require extra effort to put down
Load More Replies...
She should tell husband he feels the way he does not because of being tricked but because he doesn't want to admit he's been a d**k. Sounds like she needs to be absolutely crystal clear with him - ie you family can come over once a month. YOU will host them, I will do nothing unless it involves the baby, etc.
The next time MIL comes over when you're exhausted try saying "Please leave. I am not prepared to entertain today and this is my house too". If hubby doesn't get it....DUMP HIS A*S!
OP should buy herself a big box of chocolates, a couple of novels, and the most fuzziest slippers she can find. When Dumb Hubby invites his family over again (unannounced, of course), she should park herself in her bedroom with the baby and her "survival kit." When MIL waltzes in and tells her to put on coffee, OP should just lower the novel she's reading and just give her a look, all the while slowly savoring a chocolate. No response, just a look, possibly with a raised eyebrow like Spock. If her husband gets involved, calmly inform him that 1) it's HIS family, not mine, 2) it was HIS idea to allow them to come over unannounced, 3) she's busy with the baby, and 4) if he or they don't like it, tough shìt. Then say no more. If OP'S lucky, all of them will leave the house, giving her several blessed hours of peace.
Yes, yes, I know. There's likely to be a blowup later. But the husband/father needs to get his thinking adjusted. The household isn't solely the wife's responsibility; it's his responsibility as well. If he can't handle that, maybe he needs to go back home to Mommy Dearest and stay there. I doubt that there would be this kind of nonsense going on if the baby's gender was male. NTA. And OP should be ready to tell his family to FATWO.
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Husband is ridiculous. I understand that different households/cultures may be different, but from my perspective, and thankfully my wife's, you do not invite people over to your home without double checking with your spouse, regardless of whether you have kids. It's just rude to spring that on your spouse. It is exponentially worse for new parents to do that to each other. I'm glad her husband got a taste of it. Hopefully he'll think of her more the next time he invites someone to their home.
My son and his partner had their 3rd child at the end of November. I live in South Africa and they are in the UK. Plans (made together and adjusted as necessary) were made and I was there to help her about a week before the birth. My daughter and parents live in the same town. I did everything by her schedule. My feelings were that if she wasn't happy, baby and the rest of the family would suffer. Took the older children, then 6 and 17 months off her hands when needed and stayed with her while she recovered from a difficult labour and c section. It didn't always go to plan, but we are always honest with each other and at the end of the 2 months, I feel that I left my son's family in a comfortable place. Plus, as I was there at the beginning, my son was allowed to take his paternity leave when I left, as well as extra time earned during the Christmas period (thanks Virgin Wine). All it takes is communication and honesty.
You are a good, considerate, and kind person. The husband, the MIL, and the entirety of the husband's family are none of these things. No amount of communication will fix this.
Load More Replies...
Why don't you just shut the door when the mil follows you? For god's sake, you're an adult. Woman up and give the baby to hubby and p**s off to have a nap. I'm so irritated with these women who marry a moronic man child and then get knocked up and are surprised when it turns out to be a s**t idea. These women are just bloody infuriating.
Who in their right mind invites people over at 8 in the morning?? I have a feeling that the husband and his mother are doing it on purpose just so the OP runs on little to no sleep. The OP needs to get rid of that toxic family, the sooner the better. Will be better for the baby as well.
My kid is almost 10 and I would still be contemplating divorce if my husband invited his family over unannounced at 8AM.
Girl, start those divorce papers. You are his nanny/house keeper, not his wife. If he freaks out, let him know your mind may be swayed to change if you got some actual sleep and had less visitors. If he takes it seriously , there’s a slight chance of real change on his part. If not, well, the divorce process is well underway. (Also, guests at 8am? Is he insane?)
In terms of pumping, I had a similar issue until I was fitted for a proper f****e size by a lactation consultant. Maybe make sure your pump is working for you.
OP needs to keep f*****g hubby over until he gets the point. This one event wasn't enough. Tho she is daft to have procreated with him in the first place. Surely this isn't a surprise how much he doesn't give a s**t about her.
i didn't have a baby to contend with but had three jobs and trying to get through my final semester in college. my kid was school age but still needed his time as well. my now ex would make plans and expect me to attend with him and be all smiles and animated. he didn't listen either. so, when he was invited to dinner at his boss' house he accepted & made it clear that i was to go with him. no problem. except this time i didn't try to be completely upbeat. in fact, i dozed off prior to dinner on their patio. apparently the wife saw him wake me up and chide me so she asked if i was okay. told her my schedule for the past few days. she was great - gave me a shawl and said to go ahead and nod off. ended up sleeping through dinner but when i woke up she had a snack with coffee and dessert. later found out that she had worked while putting her hubby through college so she understood.
NOPE. You've tried talking to him, and asking for help, and he chose not to listen or care. My husband would never invite people over without checking with me FIRST. Not for permission, but for communication and to be sure I was ok with it. I breastfed all night too, several children, and my husband rarely got up after the first week to hand me a baby. BUT he cooks and cleans, and cares for the kids as soon as he gets home. He may be a little oblivious but not this bad.
I see divorce on the horizon. At least I hope it for her. Man child and Mommas boy. He has no respect or even love for her and will not change.
is it not both parents' home? why is he inviting people over without asking her? OP needs her own room with a lock on it so she can hang out "do not disturb" sign and lock her self in. She needs to post a rules of the house stating that while she's breastfeeding, all other meals are to be prepared by hubby, all entertaining will be done by hubby.
op would get a lot more sleep if she just ditched the husband, no husband= no in-laws randomly popping over for starters
He should look up the word ignorant in the dictionary, then maybe he could use it properly
MIL follows her into the bedroom? Is there no lock on the master bedroom? This sounds like ALL of my nightmares that exaggerate on how bad my inlaw's boundaries are... But even in those infuriating dreams, my dream's bedroom has a lock on the door... Time to pack baby up and head to mum or sibling's house for a bit. He doesn't sound like long term husband material.
If she has family or friends nearby then she can say that she’s visiting ____, go there for a few hours and take a nap. Either he can look after the baby for a few hours or she could take her too. If he complains that she didn’t let him know she was going out then she can say “you didn’t let me know your family was coming round at 8am either.”
Load More Replies... These guys need some communication therapy badly. My wife breastfed our son too. I still stayed up with her and held him while he was digesting before laying him down. He was a baby that did not sleep thru the night until well after he was a year old. Would wake up 3-4 times thru out the night and just cry. We were definitely sleep deprived but we shared the load as any good partnership should
Anyone here read the response to "Selmaris".... He fed baby, baby still hungry which is unusual. Guess what, he didn't feed the baby. He is an idiot.
Well…not necessarily. Baby may have wanted to cuddle after feeding. In my limited experience, the baby fed on breast would fall asleep while feeding but the bottle fed baby would be full but awake, and would require extra effort to put down
Load More Replies... She should tell husband he feels the way he does not because of being tricked but because he doesn't want to admit he's been a d**k. Sounds like she needs to be absolutely crystal clear with him - ie you family can come over once a month. YOU will host them, I will do nothing unless it involves the baby, etc.
The next time MIL comes over when you're exhausted try saying "Please leave. I am not prepared to entertain today and this is my house too". If hubby doesn't get it....DUMP HIS A*S!
OP should buy herself a big box of chocolates, a couple of novels, and the most fuzziest slippers she can find. When Dumb Hubby invites his family over again (unannounced, of course), she should park herself in her bedroom with the baby and her "survival kit." When MIL waltzes in and tells her to put on coffee, OP should just lower the novel she's reading and just give her a look, all the while slowly savoring a chocolate. No response, just a look, possibly with a raised eyebrow like Spock. If her husband gets involved, calmly inform him that 1) it's HIS family, not mine, 2) it was HIS idea to allow them to come over unannounced, 3) she's busy with the baby, and 4) if he or they don't like it, tough shìt. Then say no more. If OP'S lucky, all of them will leave the house, giving her several blessed hours of peace.
Yes, yes, I know. There's likely to be a blowup later. But the husband/father needs to get his thinking adjusted. The household isn't solely the wife's responsibility; it's his responsibility as well. If he can't handle that, maybe he needs to go back home to Mommy Dearest and stay there. I doubt that there would be this kind of nonsense going on if the baby's gender was male. NTA. And OP should be ready to tell his family to FATWO.
Load More Replies... Husband is ridiculous. I understand that different households/cultures may be different, but from my perspective, and thankfully my wife's, you do not invite people over to your home without double checking with your spouse, regardless of whether you have kids. It's just rude to spring that on your spouse. It is exponentially worse for new parents to do that to each other. I'm glad her husband got a taste of it. Hopefully he'll think of her more the next time he invites someone to their home.
My son and his partner had their 3rd child at the end of November. I live in South Africa and they are in the UK. Plans (made together and adjusted as necessary) were made and I was there to help her about a week before the birth. My daughter and parents live in the same town. I did everything by her schedule. My feelings were that if she wasn't happy, baby and the rest of the family would suffer. Took the older children, then 6 and 17 months off her hands when needed and stayed with her while she recovered from a difficult labour and c section. It didn't always go to plan, but we are always honest with each other and at the end of the 2 months, I feel that I left my son's family in a comfortable place. Plus, as I was there at the beginning, my son was allowed to take his paternity leave when I left, as well as extra time earned during the Christmas period (thanks Virgin Wine). All it takes is communication and honesty.
You are a good, considerate, and kind person. The husband, the MIL, and the entirety of the husband's family are none of these things. No amount of communication will fix this.
Load More Replies... Why don't you just shut the door when the mil follows you? For god's sake, you're an adult. Woman up and give the baby to hubby and p**s off to have a nap. I'm so irritated with these women who marry a moronic man child and then get knocked up and are surprised when it turns out to be a s**t idea. These women are just bloody infuriating.
Who in their right mind invites people over at 8 in the morning?? I have a feeling that the husband and his mother are doing it on purpose just so the OP runs on little to no sleep. The OP needs to get rid of that toxic family, the sooner the better. Will be better for the baby as well.
My kid is almost 10 and I would still be contemplating divorce if my husband invited his family over unannounced at 8AM.
Girl, start those divorce papers. You are his nanny/house keeper, not his wife. If he freaks out, let him know your mind may be swayed to change if you got some actual sleep and had less visitors. If he takes it seriously , there’s a slight chance of real change on his part. If not, well, the divorce process is well underway. (Also, guests at 8am? Is he insane?)
In terms of pumping, I had a similar issue until I was fitted for a proper f****e size by a lactation consultant. Maybe make sure your pump is working for you.
OP needs to keep f*****g hubby over until he gets the point. This one event wasn't enough. Tho she is daft to have procreated with him in the first place. Surely this isn't a surprise how much he doesn't give a s**t about her.
i didn't have a baby to contend with but had three jobs and trying to get through my final semester in college. my kid was school age but still needed his time as well. my now ex would make plans and expect me to attend with him and be all smiles and animated. he didn't listen either. so, when he was invited to dinner at his boss' house he accepted & made it clear that i was to go with him. no problem. except this time i didn't try to be completely upbeat. in fact, i dozed off prior to dinner on their patio. apparently the wife saw him wake me up and chide me so she asked if i was okay. told her my schedule for the past few days. she was great - gave me a shawl and said to go ahead and nod off. ended up sleeping through dinner but when i woke up she had a snack with coffee and dessert. later found out that she had worked while putting her hubby through college so she understood.
NOPE. You've tried talking to him, and asking for help, and he chose not to listen or care. My husband would never invite people over without checking with me FIRST. Not for permission, but for communication and to be sure I was ok with it. I breastfed all night too, several children, and my husband rarely got up after the first week to hand me a baby. BUT he cooks and cleans, and cares for the kids as soon as he gets home. He may be a little oblivious but not this bad.
I see divorce on the horizon. At least I hope it for her. Man child and Mommas boy. He has no respect or even love for her and will not change.
is it not both parents' home? why is he inviting people over without asking her? OP needs her own room with a lock on it so she can hang out "do not disturb" sign and lock her self in. She needs to post a rules of the house stating that while she's breastfeeding, all other meals are to be prepared by hubby, all entertaining will be done by hubby.
op would get a lot more sleep if she just ditched the husband, no husband= no in-laws randomly popping over for starters
He should look up the word ignorant in the dictionary, then maybe he could use it properly
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