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MIL’s Rude Behavior Turns DIL Away, DIL Decides Not To Host Any More Events For Her At Her Home
You know those family gatherings where the mashed potatoes are lumpy, the gossip is spicy, and someone inevitably storms out before dessert? Honestly, even with all that drama, it’s still nice to have family around. So imagine you’re the host, you’ve spent hours prepping, and the guest of honor doesn’t even show up.
That’s exactly what today’s Original Poster (OP) faced when her mother-in-law decided not to attend her own birthday dinner because of a spat involving another sibling. That one incident led to the OP refusing to host any celebrations for her, but this didn’t sit right with her husband.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
In-law drama is one of those universal struggles that couples eventually face
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s husband invited family via group chat for his mother’s birthday, but his sister claimed she wasn’t “formally invited” and his mother sided with her
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
Image credits: Rapha Wilde / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author hosted and prepared everything, but her mother-in-law refused to attend, saying she wouldn’t eat with a son who “excluded” her daughter
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Hurt by her mother-in-law’s absence, she told her husband she would no longer host any celebrations for his mother
Image credit: letmeknowplzzz
When Mother’s Day came up, she stood by her boundary, while her husband called her “petty” and accused her of holding resentment
The OP’s husband sent a message to the family group chat, inviting the rest of the family to celebrate his mom’s birthday. However, his sister claimed she hadn’t been “formally invited” because it wasn’t told to her personally. Despite being in the chat like everyone else, she told their mother she would feel like an intruder if she showed up.
So, on the big day, the OP put in all the effort into hosting from cooking to organizing, only to learn that her husband’s mother wasn’t coming. According to her mother-in-law, she “would not share a meal” with anyone who excluded her daughter. Still, the rest of the family made the best of it, eating cake and treating it as a casual get-together rather than a birthday party.
After that debacle, the OP calmly told her husband that their house would no longer host any celebrations for his mother to which he said he understood. However, when Mother’s Day came up, her husband suggested hosting again, but the OP stood her ground and reminded him that any celebration for his mom was now off the table.
She added that going out for dinner or bringing a store-bought dessert to another sibling’s house was fine, but she was done hosting. Her husband pushed back, saying she was being “petty” and just dragging up old resentments.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Lyra Health emphasizes that extended family conflicts can easily strain marriages, but couples can protect their bond by taking a united approach. Before entering difficult family situations, they advise partners should talk openly and agree to present a unified front.
Building on this, Greater Good notes that couples can therefore reduce the impact of family conflicts by empathizing with each other’s experiences and making sure both partners feel valued and prioritized within their new family unit. They also suggest that setting boundaries is very important as it helps to strengthen the relationship even when outside drama intrudes.
Still, even setting boundaries can be taken the wrong way by the other partner as in the case of the OP who saw it as holding a grudge. Psychologist and relationship coach Julie Shafer explains that the difference between holding a grudge and setting a boundary lies in the motivation behind it.
She explained that a grudge stems from anger, resentment, or blame, often driven by the desire to prove a point, regain power, or show the other person how much they’ve hurt you. A boundary, on the other hand, comes from acceptance, and an understanding of the other person’s behavior patterns and limitations. While grudges keep people stuck in conflict, boundaries help protect well-being and foster healthier interactions.
Netizens insisted that both the mother-in-law and sister-in-law were being childish. They pointed out that the effort she put into hosting was completely dismissed, and argued that if the husband wants his mother celebrated, he can take on the full burden of cleaning, cooking, and organizing himself.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think it’s fair for the wife to ban hosting altogether, or should she make exceptions? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens agreed that the author’s husband was minimizing her feelings while expecting her to carry the workload for his family
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What do you think ?
Suzie 2 months ago
I'm with the wife on this one. The SIL was being ridiculous acting like she was being excluded when she wasn't. MIL was being petty when she catered to SIL's ridiculousness and didn't show up.
Tyke 2 months ago
I totally agree. But, I don't understand why the SIL is being mentioned as unwelcome - I'd refuse to host either of them again
Load More Replies...
Marnie 2 months ago (edited)
On a side note, what's with having big family celebrations for Mother's Day? OP's husband - the SON - (not OP) should be doing something for HIS mother on Mother's Day. OP's children (with father's help) should be doing something for OP. OP should be doing something for her mother. This is not a holiday and everyone does not have to celebrate everyone else's mother. That cheapens the whole thing (and usually ends up putting more burden and work on WOMEN).
Mark Alexander 2 months ago
But... but... How will Hallmark survive? Also, your wife is not your mother. Make every day her holiday🌹
Load More Replies... Marnie 2 months ago
Why is OP doing all the work for HIS mother's birthday in the first place? Are we STILL in this mode where it's common (obviously not universal) for husbands treat their wives like servants? Why have all these younger women accepted this?! Woman (and supportive men) fought in previous generations long and hard to end that sort of mentality and now so many young women just take being treated like servants.
Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
It depends on the family dynamic. If we had people over, my wife would cook because she's much better at it than I am, regardless of who they are. If her brother wanted to go to a football match, I'd go with him because she's not interested. Similarly, when we went to visit her mother, I drove, because she couldn't. Does that make me feel like a chauffeur? No, it's just how things are divided up. Sometimes one partner is much better suited or wants to do a particular task - in a healthy relationship, it's not all about I do my family and you do yours, one should aim for doing things in an amicable way.
Load More Replies...
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
If he wants MIL over, he can do the work. The family sounds exhausting anyway.
LB 2 months ago
Right? The wife should just say: you can use the space, but you can make the food and clean up after. I'll attend, no problem. Thanks for organizing Mothers Day!
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 2 months ago
Your husband can't and should not decide for you what your boundaries are: he just needs to respect him. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and then just continue as before. It means that you move forward on a different footing, that's all. Forgiveness is not mandatory nor can it be required by someone else. Stand your ground on this.
Roberta Surprenant 2 months ago
Hmm, they both "love to host" but only one does the work involved?
Schmebulock 2 months ago
Simply tell him if your house is hosting the old bag then he needs to do all the work or pay for it to be catered.
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
What the fresh hell is with that sil, EVERYONE got an invite including her !! But the attention seeking drama queen , needs a f kin personal invite SERIOUSLY WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS KIM BLOODY KARDASHIAN FFS 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🙄🙄🙄that brat needs to human up ! N mil needs to parent up !! I’m with op fk that noise !!! It dint say if they have kids , so I assume they don’t yet , the entitled drama queen can host from now on lol then she as host can be THE CENTER OF ATTENTION cos that’s clearly what she wants mOP NTA !! husband mil n sil 100% ARE AH !!
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
🙄🙄🙄🙄fine u go cater for the attention seeking drama queen sil , n her equally entitled mother then !!
Load More Replies... Suzie 2 months ago
I'm with the wife on this one. The SIL was being ridiculous acting like she was being excluded when she wasn't. MIL was being petty when she catered to SIL's ridiculousness and didn't show up.
Tyke 2 months ago
I totally agree. But, I don't understand why the SIL is being mentioned as unwelcome - I'd refuse to host either of them again
Load More Replies... Marnie 2 months ago (edited)
On a side note, what's with having big family celebrations for Mother's Day? OP's husband - the SON - (not OP) should be doing something for HIS mother on Mother's Day. OP's children (with father's help) should be doing something for OP. OP should be doing something for her mother. This is not a holiday and everyone does not have to celebrate everyone else's mother. That cheapens the whole thing (and usually ends up putting more burden and work on WOMEN).
Mark Alexander 2 months ago
But... but... How will Hallmark survive? Also, your wife is not your mother. Make every day her holiday🌹
Load More Replies... Marnie 2 months ago
Why is OP doing all the work for HIS mother's birthday in the first place? Are we STILL in this mode where it's common (obviously not universal) for husbands treat their wives like servants? Why have all these younger women accepted this?! Woman (and supportive men) fought in previous generations long and hard to end that sort of mentality and now so many young women just take being treated like servants.
Apatheist Account2 2 months ago
It depends on the family dynamic. If we had people over, my wife would cook because she's much better at it than I am, regardless of who they are. If her brother wanted to go to a football match, I'd go with him because she's not interested. Similarly, when we went to visit her mother, I drove, because she couldn't. Does that make me feel like a chauffeur? No, it's just how things are divided up. Sometimes one partner is much better suited or wants to do a particular task - in a healthy relationship, it's not all about I do my family and you do yours, one should aim for doing things in an amicable way.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
If he wants MIL over, he can do the work. The family sounds exhausting anyway.
LB 2 months ago
Right? The wife should just say: you can use the space, but you can make the food and clean up after. I'll attend, no problem. Thanks for organizing Mothers Day!
Load More Replies... Alexandra 2 months ago
Your husband can't and should not decide for you what your boundaries are: he just needs to respect him. Forgiving does not mean forgetting and then just continue as before. It means that you move forward on a different footing, that's all. Forgiveness is not mandatory nor can it be required by someone else. Stand your ground on this.
Roberta Surprenant 2 months ago
Hmm, they both "love to host" but only one does the work involved?
Schmebulock 2 months ago
Simply tell him if your house is hosting the old bag then he needs to do all the work or pay for it to be catered.
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
What the fresh hell is with that sil, EVERYONE got an invite including her !! But the attention seeking drama queen , needs a f kin personal invite SERIOUSLY WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS KIM BLOODY KARDASHIAN FFS 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🙄🙄🙄that brat needs to human up ! N mil needs to parent up !! I’m with op fk that noise !!! It dint say if they have kids , so I assume they don’t yet , the entitled drama queen can host from now on lol then she as host can be THE CENTER OF ATTENTION cos that’s clearly what she wants mOP NTA !! husband mil n sil 100% ARE AH !!
Crystalwitch60 3 weeks ago
🙄🙄🙄🙄fine u go cater for the attention seeking drama queen sil , n her equally entitled mother then !!
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