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Parents hire nannies to provide an extra helping hand with childcare. A wrong way to go about it is to pass on all child-rearing obligations to this person because you couldn’t handle them.
This is exactly what a couple did when they realized they weren’t fit to be the primary caregivers for their two daughters. It had gotten to the point where the young girls began getting upset about the situation.
The chaos prompted the dad to ask the internet whether he and his wife were in the wrong.
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Some parents unfortunately could not fulfill their obligations to their children
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
This couple hired a nanny because they couldn’t be proper caregivers to their two daughters
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The situation turned chaotic, prompting the husband to wonder whether he and his wife were in the wrong
Image credits: ThrowawyTri
The mental load that parents carry can be too overwhelming for some
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Parents immediately carry hefty obligations the moment their child is born. These responsibilities involve a mental load, which licensed therapist Paige Bellenbaum describes as the “invisible labor” involved in running a household.
“It’s mothers and fathers being in a constant state of thinking about what’s happening right now, what needs to happen tomorrow, the next month, the next year,” Bellenbaum told Parents.com
The “invisibility” is what makes mental load overwhelming for people. It is unlike finished tasks like purchasing groceries or packing the kids’ lunches, all of which you actually see and check off your to-do list.
According to licensed psychologist Dr. Carissa Gustafson, women, in particular, carry a heavier mental load, thanks to cultural expectations around motherhood.
“Women are often given both explicit and implicit messages that a “good” mother should naturally keep track of everything, remain emotionally available to everyone around her, manage the household, and handle these responsibilities without appearing overwhelmed,” she wrote.
Indeed, parenting is never easy. However, it is also unbecoming to pass on all the obligations to another person because you couldn’t handle them.
Based on the husband’s account, they both seem overwhelmed by the parental mental load, which is a matter of proper distribution. According to family mediator and registered social worker Stefanie Peachey, it all comes down to fair division of labor, creating a family culture of shared responsibility, and embracing imperfection.
“Sharing responsibility fosters mutual respect, strengthens relationships, and ultimately improves family well-being,” Peachey wrote.
While there is nothing wrong with hiring a nanny, the author and his wife messed up by essentially abandoning their parental duties. Unfortunately, they failed to see their shortcomings and instead focused on their daughters’ reaction towards the idea of having a nanny, which was justifiable.
Many people in the comments pinned the fault on the author
However, there were a few who thought his decision was acceptable
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What do you think ?
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 hours ago (edited)
They both sound gross to me. Hooked up during grief counselling in rapid time, huge age gap, neither of them can cook (or clean apparently if they outsource that too). And these idiots are in charge of two children. What are they actually doing for these kids if they don't feed them, clean them, help them emotionally, or even spend time with them and pick them up from school? Does OP even LIKE his kids? Sounds like he hasn't parented a day in his life! He even slàgged off his dèad wife in the one and only response he posted!!! Both he and Alicia sound like pathetic, selfish, immature and wholly repugnant losers. Those poor kids. Hope this POS loses everything.
Crystalwitch60 2 hours ago
Right, I think same, also his comment about his late wife, omg he sounds a brilliant catch ….. NOT 😳poor poor kids palmed off on a nanny cos their father is bloody useless and the replacement wife he married way to soon is equally as useless as an adult, (my father did same with me after he ended my mums life 60 yrs ago last month when I was 8 mths old ,his mum n dad bought me up, while he married my first step mother less than two yrs after she d I e d to . He also blamed me saying it was my fault she died ,and I threw a tantrum at his wedding to sm refused to live with them apparently , cos my gran would have put up with that lmao, she never tolerated tantrums lol ,) so I know how those poor kids will be feeling xx
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moggiemoo 3 hours ago
This is the first time I've thought that the kids would be better off in care.
Kathy Dragonfly 2 hours ago
same! desperately want some loving grandparents or mothers siblings to step up and take the kids
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Earonn - 1 hour ago
Replaced his wife as quickly as possible, giving neither her nor the kids time to adapt. The kids don't want a nanny, they want a mother - they're probably not even over losing their biological one. And now he's coming online to get absolution? Goodness me, guy, you wouldn't have died if your d/ck had been dry for more than a year! (Yes, I know he can't hear me).
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 hours ago (edited)
They both sound gross to me. Hooked up during grief counselling in rapid time, huge age gap, neither of them can cook (or clean apparently if they outsource that too). And these idiots are in charge of two children. What are they actually doing for these kids if they don't feed them, clean them, help them emotionally, or even spend time with them and pick them up from school? Does OP even LIKE his kids? Sounds like he hasn't parented a day in his life! He even slàgged off his dèad wife in the one and only response he posted!!! Both he and Alicia sound like pathetic, selfish, immature and wholly repugnant losers. Those poor kids. Hope this POS loses everything.
Crystalwitch60 2 hours ago
Right, I think same, also his comment about his late wife, omg he sounds a brilliant catch ….. NOT 😳poor poor kids palmed off on a nanny cos their father is bloody useless and the replacement wife he married way to soon is equally as useless as an adult, (my father did same with me after he ended my mums life 60 yrs ago last month when I was 8 mths old ,his mum n dad bought me up, while he married my first step mother less than two yrs after she d I e d to . He also blamed me saying it was my fault she died ,and I threw a tantrum at his wedding to sm refused to live with them apparently , cos my gran would have put up with that lmao, she never tolerated tantrums lol ,) so I know how those poor kids will be feeling xx
Load More Replies... moggiemoo 3 hours ago
This is the first time I've thought that the kids would be better off in care.
Kathy Dragonfly 2 hours ago
same! desperately want some loving grandparents or mothers siblings to step up and take the kids
Load More Replies... Earonn - 1 hour ago
Replaced his wife as quickly as possible, giving neither her nor the kids time to adapt. The kids don't want a nanny, they want a mother - they're probably not even over losing their biological one. And now he's coming online to get absolution? Goodness me, guy, you wouldn't have died if your d/ck had been dry for more than a year! (Yes, I know he can't hear me).
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