“My Wife Refused To Drop It”: Man’s Family Refuses To Hang A Custom Christmas Stocking With Step-Grandchild’s Name, So His Wife Refuses To Join Their Celebrations
All I want for Christmas is… a stocking with my name on it! Hanging alongside all of the others on the fireplace! Sounds like such a simple dream, doesn’t it? Well, it’s caused quite a bit of havoc for one family, as we’ll see here today.
A man took to Reddit to ask for the opinions of the r/AmIthe[Jerk] community (seems to be the internet’s own confession box, doesn’t it?) when a difficult situation made itself known just before the wonderful festivities meant to bring a family together.
His wife wanted to include her son in the family’s yearly traditions, yet was met with backlash, as the man’s side of the family was yet to feel comfortable enough to fully accept said stepson into their midst. It’s truly heartbreaking, but please, dear reader, don’t downvote—we’re just here to share the most interesting stories!
Leave your thoughts on this whole ordeal in the comments section below, and tell us—what would you have done differently? If by the end of it all you’re craving more stories like this, then feel free to check out this one right here. Now let’s dive into it!
More info: Reddit
There’s nothing we want more than to feel loved and welcome, especially when it comes to family traditions, yet in some cases that is a difficult feat to accomplish
Image credits: Donna Spearman (not the actual photo)
Many of us look forward to Christmas dinner as the one occasion to forgive all wrongs and embrace the spirit of love and gratitude. An occasion to spend with those closest to us, our beloved ones, and the ones we call family. One thing is for certain—no one wants to feel like an outsider during this celebration.
A difficult situation was recently described by one Reddit user, named Throwra53456, who came to the subreddit r/AmIthe[Jerk] for some advice and an outsider’s perspective to answer one big question—was he in the wrong for calling his wife “ridiculous” for refusing to spend Christmas with his family, as they would not put up a Christmas stocking with her son’s name alongside the other kids’ ones?
Before we dive in, let’s have a quick look at the lore which started the tradition of Christmas stockings in the first place. According to the Smithsonian Magazine, stockings were hung near the fireplace, awaiting a visit from Santa Claus, as far back as 1823. The most common legend revolved around a recently-widowed man and his three daughters.
They were having a tough time financially, the father worrying about his daughters’ futures. St. Nicholas was wandering through the town where the man lived and heard the villagers discussing that family’s plight. So he slid down the chimney of the family’s house and filled the girls’ recently laundered stockings with gold coins. Now that that’s done, let’s get into the issue.
One man decided to ask an online community whether he was in the wrong for berating his wife after she boycotted his family’s Christmas celebration
Image credits: Throwra53456
This has divided the family, with the mom sticking by her son. To one, they’re just stockings, to another, it’s the realization that they’re not yet a part of the family
Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)
When traditions meet change, there’ll always be disagreements. Sadly, in this case, it’s at the expense of a 9-year-old boy. Although we like to acknowledge all sides of the story, it’s very difficult not to point out the shortsightedness of the man when it comes to his stepson’s feelings. Yes, dictating how his mother should or should not decorate her home would not be welcome in any case, yet this feels different—it’s a purposeful exclusion of a child from family traditions.
Let’s take a step back for a second and assess the core components. The relationship between a child and their new stepparent can be both rewarding and challenging, requiring a lot of patience, compromise, and effort on both sides. Just like with any new introduction, it takes time to build trust and confidence in a person, which is made very much more difficult when you suddenly have to live with said stranger.
One way or another, the stepparent is an outsider, and so is the stepchild. There are years of shared history, memories, experiences, and connection between members of the biological family that the newcomers will have never been a part of. However, one cannot live in a house of memories; the present is now and the future is built on it.
Karen Young shared her experiences of being a stepmom, advising all involved in this relationship to let go of the fantasy. “An abundance of research has confirmed that unhappiness is caused by the distance between expectations and reality,” she said. “It’s not so much the situation that causes distress but that the situation is different to what’s expected.”
It’s not going to be the same as it was. That is the main point here, but as obvious as it may seem, it’s probably the most difficult to accept for everyone. Feeling like an outsider—as well as jealous, lonely, resentful, confused, and inadequate—is, sadly, normal during this transition period. You’ll probably experience hostility, indifference, or rejection
In her extensive work, Dr. Patricia L. Papernow has found that stepfamilies take about 7-12 years to adjust and to exist as a healthy, well-functioning system. Quicker families might do it in four, but some families never really get there, and the hardest part falls on the children. They oftentimes have no say in who comes into their lives but are expected to tolerate new family dynamics.
Constantly empowering the child through integration and involving them in day-to-day activities, as well as celebrations, is the go-to way of building a strong family unit. In this particular case, it seems as though the family has chosen to feel comfortable over choosing to accept the fact that they need to shift their traditions to meet the needs of all the family members, whether long-standing or newly joined.
It’s a story full of nuance and complex perspectives, but if we were to simplify it—don’t alienate your stepchildren from such important celebrations as Christmas, because you’re widening the gap between yourselves, which will make it significantly more difficult to ever bridge.
The r/AmIThe[Jerk] community has deemed the man to be the jerk in the situation, although there were those that agreed with his point of view, as well as his actions. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below, and tell us what you would have done differently in this situation.
I hope your Christmas stockings are gonna be full to the brim with lovely little gifts and no drama. See you in the next one!
The internet, however, was less divided in deeming the man to be the jerk in the situation, especially since he seemed to completely disregard his stepson
There were those that took the man’s side, believing that his wife overreacted over something “so trivial.” Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
I’d say this is one of those things when you really have to understand the situation from the child’s perspective: the adults may know that they love him and care for him, but the kid is not gonna see it that way. What he IS going to see is that he’s being singled out. And it’s going to hurt.
I didn’t get a designated chair with my name on it in the lunchroom at work during corona times and I felt singled out and slightly hurt (despite it being reasonable since I’m usually only there once a week), I can’t imagine the hurt for a *child* on *Christmas*, dad and grandma are absolutely blind.
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The kid isn't the son of some random woman you've been seeing for a month, he is the son of your wife. Grandma sounds like a jerk thinking blood equates family. My grandma has plenty of step grandchildren and makes no distinction between blood or marriage, she's happy and grateful for every single one.
Plus, three years married and she is "not comfortable"? How long is it going to be until she is? The fact after three years she is pulling this exclusionary BS and step-dad STILL isn't stepping up means yes, there are problems with BOTH of them.
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It's awful that your mother refuses to get a stocking for your stepson, and even worse that you are defending her against your own wife and stepSON. Your wife has every right to be angry, and not wanting to attend a festivity where her son is seen as "less than" the other children. Children that age are easily hurt by adults playing favorites, and that is exactly what your mother is doing. Your stepson is part of your family now. Based on your actions, I guess you haven't quite accepted that yet.
My Grandmother even included foreign exchange students as equally as Grandchildren.
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I hate that people are saying the child is not her grandson. I have a step-grandson. That is MY grandson and I'll fight anyone who says he's not! No one has invented language strong enough to explain how much of TA both he and his mom is. 🤬
"I called her ridiculous for deciding not to go over for something so trivial." Is this guy playing dumb or is he actually THAT dumb?? 🤔
He's forgotten what it's like to be a child. Or else maybe he hasn't accepted his step-son either.
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Got remarried in August of this year, husband doesn’t have any kids, but loves his cat. I got nice new stockings this year for me, my son, my husband . . .and the cat.
Ouch. I've been in a similar situation as the kid. It sucks. Brings me back to sitting on the staircase during Christmas at my grandmother's, lol. If their attitudes don't change, this sure as hell is gonna stick with the boy. Comfortable or not, it's been 3 years, family is family whether or not it's by blood or by paper.
I am one of 6 daughters, imagine being the grown daughter, being forced with her husband, to sit on the stairs, or in a different room, because the grand children and rotating husbands soon to be ex are sitting on the furniture, and the floor, and no one is being asked to give up the seat, or the space on the floor. Finally we gave up going. Now we stay home with the people who love us for a peaceful quiet Christmas eve.
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I can't believe there is one NTA let alone multiple. If my parents were hosting and my partner was bringing his great aunts sisters cousins CHILD to Christmas, my mum would get a stocking for them. It's not about the adults here, it's about making the kid know they're loved and welcomed and not feeling singled out on CHRISTMAS of all days! That kid will remember being excluded.
The whole point of Christmas is to share spend time and with family. Singling out a kid like that is cruel at the best of times but at Christmas the stepson will feel totally unloved and unwanted by the family and he'd probably be right. The husband should be supporting the wife in not going to the party. Anything else would be grounds for me to consider divorce.
Right. Me, too. The wife and child deserve better than some Mama's boy.
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I have an older step sister by 7 years. Because of how my dad treated her I consider her my sister, my own flesh and blood. My parents met when she was 2. Actually, this is the first time this year that I remembered we don't have the same dad. Don't be an a*s. If you love your stepchild you have to treat him like your own. Stocking and everything.
So would that make her your half-sister? I'm not about to try to debate your family relations, I'm just a little confused.
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All I'm thinking is this probably won't be a problem next year. Wifey and step son won't be around.
I hope not. There's gotta be a nice man out there with no kids and some parents who are DYING to dote on a new (step) grandkid- I know my parents would be overjoyed if I brought home some new step kids for them to fuss over
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It’s shocking you would post this on the internet, the lack of basic emotional maturity is astounding, you don’t have enough to even be married in the first place! What a twat!
A stepchild IS a grandchild, FFS. When my oldest brother married his first wife, she had a daughter from her first marriage. Our grandparents were Slovene immigrants who had little to no education, and came to the US in the early 1910s, so we’re very old world/old school. My brother, of course, took his wife and stepchild to meet them, and the little girl was welcomed and treated just like a blood relative. In fact, when my grandfather died a few years later, his obituary mentioned him being survived by his wife, two children, seven grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. As I wasn’t married, and none of my brothers or cousins had had children at that time, it meant my step-niece was included as a family member in the obituary. Now, if an old school/old world immigrant can consider a stepchild as family, why can’t the OP’s family do the same?
Beautiful story ❤️ and you’re right, all the NTA posts are stupid
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This isn’t the child of some woman you’ve been dating for a little while. It’s your stepson. You’ve been married three years, so obviously you’ve been together longer than that. If this child isn’t considered family by now, he’s never going to be and your wife and son would be better off without you all. No, an adult can’t dictate how another adult decorates their home, but if your mother claims to love the child and the stockings are “no big deal,” then what’s the problem. Your mother’s being exclusionary and hurtful and YOU are not standing up for YOUR family. You and tour mother are both a***oles.
Yes. Comfortable or not, that child became family the second the son married the wife. That mother may or may not love the child as a human being, but certainly not as family. Until his mom can accept his entire family as is, they need to stop going there altogether.
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It's just a stocking. And granny will learn one day how "expensive" that sort of thing can be. Both my grandmothers did this sort of thing to me and my brothers all the time. All cousins got elaborate birthday celebrations, and we got some leftover cake from their parties if our birthdays were close enough. They got nice presents, we got a little bit of money to buy something for ourselves. All their accomplishments were praised, ours did not merit a mention. We were all blood, but we were not the Golden Children's children. So we didn't matter. Later we all choose to go NC with both sets of grandparents. Not out of anger or resentment, simply to not associate with people who are not interested in us. As the grandparents got older, they tried to reach out. Sorry, wrong number. Try your "real" grandchildren.
My mother's sister was only 2 years older than me & I never was accepted either as a child or grandchild, at that point my uncle had 3 girls & my grandmother always said she had 3 grandchildren not 4. I am now 76 but her harsh words over the years have never left me. Luckily my dad's family loved me.
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My 9 yo at the time felt it when my aunt made dresses and gave presents to my niece in front of my child, she came to me and asked why my aunt dosnt like her, my ex aunt now... all kids know and feel when there been treated differently... YTA.... and mom is a HUGE A$$
I really wife is leaving OP. I know I would’ve packed my bags. Your child should never be singled out like they’re not family if you’re married.
The step grandmother is entitled to not make the stepkid a stocking. However the mother is also entitled to not take her child somewhere they don't feel welcome. If the stepfather wants the whole family to spend Christmas together he needs to ask his mother to include his stepchild in the Christmas celebration as part of the family.
The grandmother is entitled to stick a carrot up her a*s, doesn’t make it a good idea. She has now permanently created a rift between herself and the wife, her own son and his wife. This will affect any relationship with future ‘blood’ grandkids if the wife sticks around to have any, which she shouldn’t.
Load More Replies... This is awful! A nine year old CHILD hasn't, after 3 years "earned' his stocking? Your mom is a shrew, and you're backing her. I wouldn't go either. Ever again.
"I don't feel comfortable to put a sock up for a child that does not carry my genes, so I rather hurt a child at Christmas" Wtf is wrong with some people. YTA and your mom is an even bigger one.
"I'm more comfortable with the potential to psychologically damage a child than I am sucking it up and hanging up a damn sock".
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Yeah, my mil apparently never accepted me or my daughter fully. Never bothered to congratulate her on earning her doctorate or getting married. She was excluded from the will because as my a*****e bil put it, the estate was left to the other five grandchildren that "sprang from their loins" ewww. Never told my daughter about it, never will.
Yuk. Sounds like you're daughter is doing pretty great though. Pat yourself on the back, you raised a smart successful kid
Load More Replies... If your step son isn't treated like a son by you, you shouldn't be treated like father by him.
I met my grandma and grandad when I was three, when my mum met my dad. They treated me and my brother exactly the same as their "real" grandkids and I appreciated it then and I appreciate it even more as an adult with hindsight. I wasn't really in touch with my "real" paternal family and their love and contact was very sporadic, and then petered out into nothing. But no matter, as I'm far too busy hanging out with my 90yo G'ma anyway lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again; DNA is not what makes a family. This poor child will, however, feel they are being treated like an outsider. Kids are not stupid, so maybe have a real think before you absolutely mess with this child's mind and feelings?!
I'll keep this very vague to protect the innocent... a family member had an affair which resulted in a child. The couple has stayed together and they are making the child apart of their family, I and the rest of the extended family have welcomed the child into our hearts and this will be the child's first Christmas. We all bought gifts for the child along with gifts for the rest of the family. It's really not hard, the sins of the parent don't fall on the child and even though the child is too young to remember right now they will never be excluded.
This reminds me of a much happier story I read on a knitting forum years ago. One of the knitters there used to knit sweaters for her family, saying that "every stitch says 'I love you.'" One year her daughter adopted a little girl. That Christmas, when the adopted child opened the box from Grandma containing the hand-knit sweater, she burst into tears. When she finally calmed down enough to talk, she kept repeating "Grandma loves me! Grandma loves me!!" And that's what the stocking is about, when you get right down to it. Is the stepson part of the family, or not?
Symbolic acts of love - or exclusion - are felt most deeply. 💞
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Had it happen. Six years old. I was so excited until I realized. I was beyond crushed. It's been 49 years ago and I still remember grandma and her "big surprise" that she ruined Christmas for everyone with. This kid has known her for awhile, the biggest awhile in his life, probably 4+ years. She is grandma Grinch. I'm going hot and cold all over just remembering how it felt! Don't fn do this to kids! ( My grandpa didn't know that it was going to happen and he blew his stack . Took me out for giant peppermint sticks and all kinds of stuff. I don't know how he got it to happen, but he did! Thanks pa!)
YTA! You AND your uncomfortable mother. Do you not want a good relationship with your stepson? Because he will remember being excluded by your mother, and the fact that you didn’t stand up for him. Only 3 years is a long time in his life - exactly how long does your mother need to feel comfortable not excluding an innocent child? Unbelievable….and you think your wife is the problem? Shame on you!
OP is DEFINITELY the AH. So, what, step children aren't considered "real" children in this family? This reminds me of my dad's relationship with my half-sister. She is his stepdaughter, but she has always called him "Dad" because her bio dad was never in the picture. She had my niece almost 25 years ago (his first grandchild), but he considers my brother's daughter (who is 7) his "first" grandchild. Yes, he's an a*****e for that, and I make sure he knows because my sister does not deserve to be treated like that. Step children should be considered on the same level as bio children, full stop. This man and his mother are selfish AH's. I'm actually legitimately mad at this.
I absolutely despise people like this. The step-dad and the grandmother. It's such a small gesture to make a 9 year old kid feel welcome into your family (which he is now a part of, as his mother married into the family), and yet these two people are so unwilling to make the tiniest gesture, that they're perfectly okay with hurting a kid. It's a damn sock with a kid's name on it. Who will it hurt to have it? The grandmother isn't "comfortable" with it? What is there to be comfortable with?? There is so much more for the poor step-son to lose than there is for the grandmother, but she and her son are putting her little emotions first.
YTA Even if they got married a week before Christmas, he should have been included. My friend, when we were growing up had a stocking on fireplace. It's beyond me how someone could leave out a child is now part of your family.
YTA because he's 9 and how sad that would be for him up to realize the people he love don't feel the same way about him.
Most DEFINITELY TAH as is your Mom. If it's been 3 years, he was 6 years old when he was forced to join this horrid family. Do you think he understands they are awful a******s? Not yet maybe, but he will. Why does she feel "uncomfortable"? Because she's a jerk. He's A CHILD for goodness sake. You guys obviously don't "love" him. You need to step up and be a man and not a p***y momma's boy.
The mother-in-law is really a b***h, the wife is right not to go. The husband is the one being ridiculous. Some stories don't even seem true.
Unfortunately, however this story is completely possible. Some humans just suk.
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This hits way too close to home. In my case it was the step father who refused to acknowledge me as equal to his kids - always had birthday and christmas gifts for his own kids but not me. Wasn't even shy about excluding me - never had to explain cuz everyone silently accepted that Im not his so why should he give me anything. I wish my mother had stood up for me as this lady did. It left me years of scars into adulthood where I would find fault in myself each time I was treated unfairly compared to others and thought the behaviour was totally justified. I was taught all my childhood that it's ok to exclude me from things. Kudos to this lady for stepping up for her kid, because I know first hand not all mothers would.
I understand the feeling of being singled out. I'm allergic to fish and my dad's family loves to fry fish. Every single time that they wanted to do that, I had to stay home. I wanted to spend time with my family, but because of my allergy I couldn't. I always wondered why they would fry fish, knowing that I couldn't be around that smell.
YTA And anyone defending him and his mom's behavior is too. "He has REAL grandparents. Let THEM love him" is all you're really saying. You're straight up saying he's not welcome and not loved. And trust me, anyone who's stumbled on any of my tales about growing up understand I know a thing or two about being unwelcomed and unloved.
I temporarily fostered a child (privately). She was treated the same as my children by all the extended family whilst she was with us because we are adults and she was a child who needed to feel cared for. I wouldn't of accepted anything less for her.
I screwed up one year and got my two kids slippers from Santa (they were fuzzy and super cute!). My stepdaughter was sad because Santa didn't bring her cute, fuzzy slippers. I quick shipped slippers to my house and wrote a note from Santa that explained that they had fallen out of his bag and he found them in the bottom of his sleigh when he got back to the North Pole. She LOVED those damn slippers!
At least you corrected the matter, and picked an adorable way to do it. Hope you and your stepdaughter had a great relationship from there.
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I’ve been that kid. Let me tell you the absolute mind f**k this is to a ~8-9 year old. If the mother and the dad were just dating, that’s one thing, but even then.. it’s a stocking. But they’re married ffs. Even year 1, that kid gets included like any other grandkid or none of us show up. End of story.
My Mom includes every single SO and child, whether married or not.
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My grandson has a new girlfriend we have not met her yet, she has 2 children. We have invited them for Christmas if they have no other plans, if they come there will be presents for them all & they will be made welcome. One of my other grandsons has brought a friend in the past who would otherwise have been on his own, he was made welcome & given a present. I am with the wife on this how can you not include a step grandchild, its such a hurtful thing to do.
Sure, the grandmother does not have to get a stocking for her step-grandson. But neither does the wife and child have to spend Christmas there with people who are not making them feel welcome. If her son is not considered family (and there is no other explanation here for this exclusion from what has been said), why should she consider them family either? Poor kid being excluded, hope his mum makes sure he has a lovely christmas and that he doesn't feel left out
Someone needs to take classes on how to be a husband and stepfather, then put his foot up his mother’s a**. He CHOSE to marry this boy’s mother and be his stepfather, and he needs to stand up for HIS FAMILY and teach his mother and other extended family how to treat them.
My fiancés' mother made me a stocking for the first Christmas I spent with them. We'd only been dating a year at the time but it was the first Chirstmas, save one previous, that I hadn't been with my family. It made me feel so welcome. I can't imagine exluding and alienating a child, after three years, on Christmas. This man is insensitive and his mother needs to lean the real spirit of Christmas: good will to all[men]
When I had been with my now husband, not even engaged yet, but living together, we went to see his parents over Christmas. They had a stocking for me and quite a few gifts too. I felt so loved and welcomed.
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Your mum is clearly queen of the A*s, you are clearly Prince A*e, if you cannot see that you are clearly a chip off of the block.
Easy YTA in my opinion. You look at situations like this from the perspective of the CHILD. It is always the child’s feelings first in situations where they are innocent and are along for the ride. If you single out a child during a Christmas tradition, with a family that he is now a part of with no say of his own, than you are an AH. My mother became a step grandmother to 5 small children, while already having 6 of her own and not having super close relationships w the step GKs, but you know what she did? Christmas came around and she had 5 new stockings made for them because you do not exclude children. If the grandma is so dang uncomfortable let her have her stupid stockings, but the mom doesn’t have to uncomfortable and bring her excluded son to the event. I’d die on that hill too.
Yeah, YTA, without a doubt and so is your mother. It's been 3 years, when will he be considered part of the family to have the privilege of having one of your mother's precious custom stockings? Your mother is cruel and if you cannot see that, you are as well. Your wife is 100% right. She's not being ridiculous, she's supporting her son which you should also be doing.
What the hell? I once bought a present for the son of an *girlfriend* of one of my brothers. She was in hospital, his bio-dad was away working, so my brother brought him to our Christmas get-together. It was a lame gift, because I only learned he'd be coming at the last minute, but I didn't want him to sit there watching everyone else get something and not him. I can't imagine being this cruel to a stepchild of three year's standing.
Does the exclusion of the stocking also mean the stepson doesn't receive any Christmas presents? That's the way my husband's family treated his step kids. Now they're old enough to decide whether or not to go and watch everyone else gets presents and not them, they absolutely refuse to go because they literally HATE his family and consider them evil. It hurts to be excluded.
Yes it does. And it doesn't matter what age you are. Though of course, it's worse when it's a child.
Load More Replies... His mother behaves like she'd been asked to include the boy in her will not hang on up a stocking! And why am I not surprised, that even that behavior gets ntas? Yes you can choose to behave like that (her house, her choice whom she cares for and all) but then you are most definitely TH
There is so much that is missing. He says he and the wife have been together for 3 years but this is the first time the wife has heard of this tradition? Has the wife and son never been to the husband's family holidays? Has the grandmother even met the wife and child?
I mean, if they got together in 2019... Last year we didn't get to have a Christmas because my at-home test came back as inconclusive. I spent Christmas locked in my room, my mother in hers. Grandma at her own house, etc.
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I don't give this marriage 1 year let alone 3 more years. When you married your wife, she came with a package deal. Your mom is an AH and so are you. This is damaging to your marriage too. You are talking about a 9 yr. old. What does it take to make you and you mom know that this is real damaging to a kid. You better look at the big picture. You will lose your wife and that" STEPCHILD" too. You don't deserve either one of them. She already knows what will happen now. You don't diss a mom's child. She and the child won't forget either.
He and his mum are both the a**holes. It's not about genetics or decoration, is this kid part of your family or not? No in-between. Can't say we don't accept you but we love you.
You've been together for 3 years and this is just coming up? Feeling comfortable has nothing to do with it. Being human does. Kid should have had a stocking from the first Christmas he celebrated with the family. Shame on all of you for treating this kid poorly.
When I first read the headline for this article, I thought MIL was a little cold, but not unreasonable--on the assumption that this couple had only been together few months. When I saw that they had been married for 3 years, my opinion of MIL (and husband) immediately switched to full- blown a**hole. OP is a little vague on what constitutes a "custom" stocking, but as someone who manages a discount store, I can tell you that we sell some very nice stockings for $1. Glitter glue pens to personalize said stocking are $1.50. Candy canes are 10/$1, and various other Christmas candies, toys, and stickers are also available for $1. My point being that you could put together a very nice stocking for about $10 that would make a 9 year old feel happy and included without needing to put him on the same level as the "real" grandkids. Frankly, I would never invite ANY child to my house on Christmas without making sure there is a stocking for them on the mantel and gifts under the tree. YTA!
For anybody in my family, if we were told that a new child was coming, the only things we'd say are 1. What's their name and how is it spelled? 2. What do they like for candy and for toys? 3. Do they have any allergies or sensitivities? Because any decent person ALWAYS thinks of the child's well-being FIRST.
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After 3 years you would think the step dad would feel a sense of responsibility and respect towards the kid. Don't marry someone with kids if you don't want to treat it like your own
This is just weird and unnecessary of the man's mother? I would even get a stocking for a friends kid if they were coming over for Christmas and any other child staying, regardless of who they were, so they don't feel left out. What explanation is that mother going to give her step grandkid when he says ' grandma why haven't I got a stocking with my name on?' 'Oh I'm not comfortable with you yet? ' WTF.
You your mom and anyone else that thinks leaving a kid out on CHRISTMAS of all things is ok - all of y’all are the A’s
My mom likes to get those custom towels/clothes that you can get your name on. I am transgender, so I had a couple of things with my dead name on them. Anyway, the first time she got me a custom towel with my new name on it, "Andrew". I was ecstatic. No, I didn't want a f*****g towel, but I felt accepted and just really happy. It's just a towel, but it meant a lot more. Ya know?
Note: the stepson is 9 years old. Imagine defending your mother’s right to be arbitrarily cruel to a 9 year old. This guy’s a complete a**hole.
Husband is absolutely an AH as is his mother. Exclude a child. Really? Do they think he won’t notice? Won’t compare? Won’t feel hurt that his name is on display like the other beloved Grands? He’s part of the family now and should never be made to feel as if he’s not. Stepdad is a coward. Step grandmother might as well be the wicked stepmother. And mom’s exactly right in standing up for her kid to be treated as family at FAMILY holiday events.
Knowing how she and her son feel, she needs to stand her ground. Happened to my kids with their own blood grandmother. They are adults now, but still talk about how hurtful it was.
Someone wise once said, "Share the gospel, and, if necessary, use words.". The same applies to showing love to someone, especially a parent, spouse, or child. Sure, grandma SAYS she loves her step-grandson, but does she ACTUALLY show it? And while it's "just a stocking" to OP, he's missing the point that, to the stepson, it's a symbol of his place in this family. I can only imagine how the boy feels every Christmas when he goes to grandma's house and he sees the stockings for everyone else but him. Mom is right to press this issue! It's been THREE YEARS!! Granny needs to "put on her big girl pants", and make a REAL effort to make this boy feel welcome in this family, and OP needs to stand by his wife and kid!!
Sounds like the kind of person who never really loves a stepchild but the parent is hot enough to put up with it and also he needs someone to help with his own
Family is who you love. Not who happened to be born in the same bloodline. Your mom does not love your wife or your stepson. They are not considered family. And it’s sad you are not siding with your wife. YATA
I'm foster mum. Everytime we have some new/old/short-time/long-time child staying with us during Holidays, we make all same things for all the kids. They have personalized Chritmas calendars etc. Grandparents also always give similar presents to own and bonus grandkids, which is nice and they are doing it without any conversation. Also when older kids bring their partners for Christmas dinner, I make name plates etc. and have some gifts to them even we sometimes meet first time then.
I feel like this stocking symbolizes more about their intention than anything else... Oh IF I feel comfortable then I'll hang one. So, it has to be earned somehow? What has to happen here? If the Step-Grandma and Step-Dad of this boy really intended to welcome him in they'd hang that dang stocking the first year and do everything they could to make him feel included, because their intention would be clear that they'd want him to feel accepted. I think it shows that they don't really care about him and they are just putting up with him being around. They don't really intend to care for him like they would a biological grandchild (who by the way would have a stocking perhaps even before being born.). What needs to happen here are apologies and they need to spend time with this kid and build a relationship with him and repair the hurt he's likely already been feeling for years. But they probably won't do that because they probably want him to be excluded, they just won't admit it.
YTA I went through this same scenario except it was about recognizing my children's birthdays. They are CHILDREN but, they know when they are be excluded. This was also a hill I chose to die on, if my husband wasn't going to say something I certainly had no issue letting them know how I felt. My children weren't found under a rock! They have birthdays as well and should receive gifts, just like their step brother. Your mom doesn't LOVE your stepson, she ACCEPTS him,that's all. If she loves him INCLUDE him. Shame on you for not taking your wife and stepsons side in this. This IS your family you are supposed to protect them,even their feelings.
What your mother is really doing is giving the other grands license to exclude this boy and treat him as less than. What a tremendously horrible life lesson to allow these other grands to witness. They will grow into the same cold, excluding, cliquie moron as grandma AND YOU A*****E!!
YTA because you chose your mother's decision over your wife and stepson. She's completely right and not talking to you either because you are a complete jerk. A 9-year-old kid is not going to quote "understand " that some old fossil can't wrap their head around accepting him as part of the family. He will always feel ostracized and you fed into that. You're creating a monster in your own future that you're going to have to deal with. I hope you're able to deal with the consequences, that you have the money to deal with the legal fees when your stepsons alienation leads to a life of crime, depression or drug use, and maybe even your impending divorce. Why don't you go and read about people who don't get accepted into their families and what the future is like for them. I guess you just would rather throw your wife and stepson in front of the bus instead of having to deal with your mother and her terrible decision. What would Jesus do?
I can tell every single one of those comments that agreed with this moron were men. How do people knowingly hurt a child by exclusion? "We like you, but you're not family."
This is about singling out a *child* at a family event. I can't fathom this. My step daughter was 18 when I married her dad, and if my parents had named Christmas stockings for everyone but her, I'd die on that hill too even though my step daughter is an adult. It's a not-subtle statement that the step grandchild "isn't family". This is totally about grandma's feelings toward the kid, and possibly the wife (maybe hoping they will go away?). Embroidered stockings aren't that expensive. This guy needs to decide if he really understood that marrying someone with a child is gaining a child he needs to love and stand up for.
NTA but he is a moron for marrying a woman who's already whelped out a crumbsnatcher that isn't his. As far as wifie is concerned, the guy is always going to take a back seat to her little darling. He'd better cut bait and run don't walk to the nearest exit. Oh, and he also needs to tell his mom to kiss 100% of his rosy red a*s for her attitude.
I was this child. It did suck. It felt like everyone was loved and cherished and I wasn't. Everyone was opening theirs gifts, and I watched. Excluded. Yeah. He's the a*****e.
Just plain sad. And completely disrespectful of the child and your wife. Talk about feeling unwanted! 🥶😢And of course your wife will side with her child, she loves him and has been there when his father wasn't in the picture. Who's going to explain why your family doesn't want him to be part of this tradition?
He is definitely TA along with his Mother... insane how he can't see that especially at 9 years old when they're young to still believe in all the magic of Xmas and old enough to know that their name STILL ISN'T on the mantle with all her other Grand Kids.....
First of all, if I was this woman, I would've left him over making my son feel like he was nothing. Dude needs to grow a pair of balls or he might not have a family next Christmas around and the grandmother is a piece of work too. Smh, that's just damn sad.
You're mom is an AH and that you cant see why puts you on her level. Wth is your empathy? Would you be cool with.your kids being.left out and ostercized by your wife's family? I cant get my head around this. Why is your.mom being so precious and mean girling a kid. Nope nope nope. That might be a deal breaker for me.
This a*****e man learned too well at his mother's knee. I would divorce the a*****e before he and his family emotionally abuses her son anymore.
What's wrong with people who refuse a little gesture out of stubbornness that would make an innocent child happy? Sorry, massive lack of empathy here! Granny and OP are the a******s
He's not seeing that this is gonna cause some serious issues down the road, because the kid is gonna feel like he doesn't have a place in his so-called "family".
A question - this is their 3rd year together... what happened years one and two? How is this only an issue now, or did they not see grandma the other two years (I do realize this thing called Covid put a crimp in a lot of gatherings, mine included). That said, how could he not be the a*****e in this scenario? I'm assuming, since it's natural behaviour, that he's telling the story with the slant of making himself look as good as possible, and, by extension, his mother, in which case, he's an even bigger one than I'd thought. No, he can't dictate what his mother does - but if he can't advocate for his wife and son (there is no "stepson", you either own parenthood or GTFO), then he shouldn't have married her. My youngest was two when I met his mother. He's our son, period, he was part of the package when we met and getting married didn't change that. Gah, I need to get off these threads. :P
TBF, pandemic or not, not everyone can make it to family during the holidays. For whatever reason, this seems to be the first year attending the holidays there to not know about the "decoration snafu". Yep, absolutely TAH.
Load More Replies... OPs mother doesn’t have to consider the stepchild as her grandchild but should have the decency to not purposely exclude this kid. She is definitely trying to send a message to the kid and his mother that they are not welcome in the family.
YTA & you ARE blind. Your mum is consciously & maliciously being cold & cruel to a 9 yr old. Fixing the lad a stocking & stuffing it isn't a big deal. I've 6 steps & 5 step grands- I wouldn't DREAM of pulling a petty, cunty, stupid, & purely mean stunt like that. OP's wife ought "drop" the whole lotta you. Just yucky! YTA & then some.
Well, if a stocking is such a small and trivial thing, you surely can hang it so the kid doesn't feel excluded, no? it's not a difficult thing to do, especially for a child you claim to love.
I have two stepchildren and I cannot imagine how I would have felt if my family would have excluded them. My family is the opposite. They all rolled out the welcome wagon even before my husband and I were officially married! My dad surprised me the most by introducing himself as their grandpa and he always treated them as such. My stepson looked up to my dad so much that he followed in my dad's footsteps and became a paramedic. It's worth mentioning that I can't have my own biological children.
It was the same for my stepson when my parents first met him. It was adorable!
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That is so tacky. My step-mom's family accepted me long before marriage, and I was treated no differently BECAUSE I WAS A CHILD. Had I been an adult, it may have been different. Even now, twenty tears after the divorce, when I go for holidays, my step family includes myself, spouse, and children. No one asks, no one cares. I also had a group of family friends who helped raise me. When people said, "She isn't really yours," they would get mad and say, "We raised her, she's ours, get lost." It's disgusting to single out a child.
YTA without a doubt. This is similar to what happened to my grandson. He attended future step family Christmas party and was made to sit and watch all the other kids get presents except him. It's cruel to do something like this to a kid.
I would even hang a stocking for a one-time guest. Maybe not customized, unless I had enough time to get one before the party the child was supposed to come to, but a stocking containing the same or similar things to stockings for other kids.
As someone who has been a step kid who wasn't treated as equally as the 'bio' family, I totally say YTA. Not just because OP doesn't think its a big deal, but because of how they act about it. Why would anyone want to go where they are clearly not welcome and loved? Sheesh. My mother keeps a box in a closet stocked with random things to quickly wrap or toss in a bag for unexpected guests on Christmas. It ain't fancy or personalized, but she ensures even total strangers are made to feel included.
This is a make or break moment for OP. To adults it's not a big deal. In the eyes of a nine year old kid, it's a big stinking deal. Get the boy a stocking for crying out loud. Then tell your mom you won't stand by while she hurts your SONs feelings...if you've had him since he was six, you will be just like a father, and he will remember what you do here. Stand up for him.
When I was 15, I moved in with my father his wife and their daughter. It was a Saturday afternoon and they were going to a wedding. I was dressed up for the wedding, because it was known I was coming that day. So my mom who was in conversation with my father made sure I was appropriately put together. When I got there, I said I'll go and put my dress on, because hair and makeup was done already, my mom's a stylist. My father's wife said I wasn't going, because the invitation said my father and family. I looked to him and his response was, you're a big girl you can stay by yourself for a few hours. I never felt so unwanted, I cried for all those hours. Fast forward to a year later when my father SA'd me. Why, because he didn't see me as family... 🤦🏾♀️ This boy will believe his sted father and step-grandmother don't see him as family and nothing will hurt more...
A heart-breaking story. Hope you have surrounded yourself with people who love and respect you. 🌷
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My mother included her step grandchildren in all our family activities. She made every effort to see no one was ever excluded or treated differently than anyone else. Blood does not make a family, love does. My mom was far from a perfect mom but in this respect, her step grandchildren were loved.. Even when marriages didn’t work out, she kept in touch with those kids. At her funeral, all her step grandkids were as sad as anyone else. Even into adulthood, she was their gramma.. she was great gramma to their kids. Shame on anyone who feels otherwise.
My heart exploded into bits... Can you imagine the heartache of this mom and her kid. Three years of this....I would think this isn't the only time I feel it's the last straw,... Poor kiddo should have 100 grandma's and grandpa's. I'll be his grandma and hang one for him at my house... Fk these people
Buddy just be glad you still have a wife. If I was as stupid as you, I’d be counting my lucky stars to even have one person love me 🙄🙄 if I pulled this s**t, I’d divorce my wife for her sake. You aren’t worthy of being married to. And your family sounds like pure s**t too. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree, your idiot mom raised an idiot son. As a parent probably 20 years younger than you, you make me sick. I’m tired of watching parents 20-30 years older than me act like complete dumpster trash. That’s you. The dumpster trash. Get your s**t together and act like a parent. Ya bum
I wouldn't just not show up to the gathering, I'd let OP know if he does without his wife and kid, I'll be filing for divorce. And stop calling the kid your stepson, for a start. You're his daddy now, unfortunately for him. Your attitude and your mom's RUIN kids lives. Flat out.
As an adult (50 yrold) I was in a situation like this when I was 10. My brother who is younger and all the other kids in my stepdad's family were given a gift and my evil step Grandma intentionally left me out. As a child that hurt me so bad!! The GMA and stepdad in this article are being total a*holes. It's a child why would they choose to be so mean to him. It will scar that poor child and be a memory that will NEVER leave. To this day I go out of my way to get the kids gifts whether they are family or just someone a family member is dating. NO child deserves that kind of treatment. It is horrible to be the one so obviously left out and everybody else was included!! The atero dad and grandma are the a$$es?
I am a step father to two kids for over 10 years. I met them when they were 4 and 7. My mother accepted my *kids from day one. That's how love works.
That’s just weird of the mother to say she’s isn’t comfortable. It’s for a child and it’s a stocking. Kids remember stuff like that - being excluded.
I say the mum and step dad are the arseholes here. They are punishing a child that doesn't know any better. My daughters step mother makes a point to include her in every celebration and her step grandparents have treated her the same way they treat their actual grand children. They would never dream of singling her out. The mother obviously has a problem with the wife and is blaming the child.
I don't understand the NTA comments. How isn't the kid her grandchild? Why does it make a difference which womb he popped out of, or which dude provided the sperm? He is part of the family The guy decided to marry the ladtly and become a father to the kid. I find it just so strange that people are encouraging treating "blood" related children over those brought in by marriage. They are humans, first and foremost, and he's a kid on top of it.
It's sad when adults think that Christmas is for them. Christmas is for the children. I was a step child and I was treated horribly by my step family so I ask you to not do this to your step child.
Yta. I was said step child. It sucks. It follows me into adulthood. I've had a few cry fests over the years wanting to know why I wasn't enough
I've been the step-grandkid in two families since I was 4. One set of grandparents (stepdad's parents) have always treated me like a grandkid (at 38, they still send me a check at Christmas). The other (stepmom's parents) always treated me as an outsider to their family. I was welcome in their home for celebrations of course, but never received a gift or affection of any kind. I was tolerated, but never loved They weren't a fan of my dad, and so my brother and I were very much "less than." It's been decades, my dad and stepmom did ultimately divorce, and while I've moved past it, I still feel it when it crosses my mind. Kids deserve to be loved, blood or not. They're not their parents.
How sad that a 9 year old child is singled out by his stepfather & his stepfather's mother as different & less than the other children in what is now HIS family. If he didn't know before, he knows now that he isn't really a part of the family. Been there. He will never forget.
Once you've adopted a child, he's your child and part of your family. If the grandmother is "uncomfortable" with that, I'd be pretty damned uncomfortable being around her. He's the AH, and so is grandma.
You adn your mom are both AH. This is a 9 year old child. Not having a stocking with his name on it is saying loud and clear that you and your mother do not consider him part of the family. You married his mom. You are his dad and she is his grandmother. Both of you need to grow the eff up and realize the emotional harm that is being done to that little boy. Yes YTA and so is your mother.
Have you heard, Christmas is for kids? Kids are sensitive to feeling left out. He's been in this family for 3 years and this woman claims she loves him, NOT SO. She is narrow minded and so is step dad. The boys mother is right to protect him from these selfish, self centered people. If he isn't excepted into the family as extended family then his mom should reevaluate this relationship. The husband should be siding with the wife and go over after the stalkings have been given to the biological kids. Or his mother could make a stalking in the same theme, fill it and hang it as soon as they get there. Anyway, step dad and his mother are very unkind to this child. One last question, if Jesus came to their house would he get a stalking ( remember he's not a biological relative according to their logic).
I have two (kinda) step-kids. I say kinda, as their dad & I aren't married, and they don't live with us - just stay here every other weekend. Honestly, I'm not going to say I love them. It's nothing personal to them, I'm just not a fan of kids in general. After 4 years I still rwally only see them as my partner's kids. That likely won't change. But if my OH wanted to hang stocking with their names on, or any other personalised tradition - Christmas or other times - you bet your life I'd get the best damned personalised stocking I could. It's not hurting me, but it will make the kids happy. And, love them or not, doesn't everyone want kids to be happy??
So why not go to her parents instead. The child needs to go where there is love. Therefore, skip your mom's and go with wife parents. Remember she has parents and maybe it time you spend time with her parents and maybe stepson dna dad parents for child sake. Yes it's awkward. However, it builds memories with child.
At the end of the day it is a child that is the center of the question. Are we not trying to make the world a better place with love? And isn't that what christmas is about, spreading love and joy? By not hanging the stocking, GTA (grandma's the a*****e). Maybe grandma needs some new traditions...
If the grandmother loved this kid, she would get a stocking for him--even if she didn't think this relationship was going to last the long term. She clearly does not think it will and because her son refuses to see how she is excluding this child, I would say she is right.
Your mother is Not a good Christian! Children should be loved equally... what is her problem? Time to rethink how much time you should spend with mom, I would put my foot down and say this or the highway!! Absolutely disgusting at best.
You're hanging up something for A DAY, not signing over your house to the kid. Hopefully the first words out of the other kids' mouths are, "Where's XXX's stocking?" and when they hear the explanation they stare at grandma in disbelief.
Judging by the line "when she found out about the tradition mom has", it seems that OP's wife hasn't visiting OP's family when it has been decorated for previous Christmases during the time they've been together. It makes me wonder how well OP's parents/relatives know his wife and child. OP's mom knows her step-grandchild well enough say she love him, but she doesn't feel comfortable with a named stocking, so as alternative to the grandma sucks option, maybe grandma cares for him but doesn't really know him yet? If that's the case, ask her will you be comfortable next year, if yes get a non-custom stocking, tell the kid you grandma is still looking for the 'perfect' one for him, and make damn sure the special custom stocking is up next year; if no, realise grandma is singling out your (step)child. Either way, YTA for not understanding your wife's position.
There was a pandemic during most of this guy’s relationship, maybe it’s the first physical xmas his family has in a while.
Load More Replies... How does he introduce the boy to casual acquaintances, "my son," "my stepson," or "my wife's son"? only one is inclusive.
I'd personally rather see more interesting, artsy or obscure stuff on BP than those endless AITA, Revenge etc- posts. Half of them probably fake and as it seems the new "xy as Disney Princess" .
Just skip over the threads that don't please you. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, forcing you to.
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What are these "stockings" like? as an artist I can tell you some can be a LOT of work! offer to make and bring one to hang while the step child is there
YTA, your mother EITHER loves her step son, or is not yet comfortable including him. I promise you it is not both. "I love him just not comfortable including him", that's what is ridiculous! Since she didn't include him I think that answers the question. You are right your mother can decorate her home as she sees fit, but your wife has the right not to bring your son somewhere that he is excluded, treated as an outsider. How your mom can treat a child that way regardless of any feelings or resentments she has is beyond me. And, your wife is right, you are completely blind to the situation. I grew up being told I wasn't part of the new blended family and that feeling has followed me my whole life.
Why are they even married. This is petty. I would understand if they were dating but they are MARRIED so I'm sure EVERYONE knew about the stepkid. Real talk, the husband probably doesn't feel all the comfortable with the stepkid so he sees no reason to have a simple conversation with his mom. I'm 100% positive if I told my mom how bad this one little thing is really damaging my family my mom's motherly love will win out and the stepkid gets a stocking. I went through something similar and unfortunately when blended families are involved things aren't as streamlined or easy as they should be. But ultimately they are married(not dating) and they are family. It's time mom/grandmother started acting like it.
No one seems to have noted that there were 2 Xmases where there was no stocking for the stepson. Not just this 3rd one. He's probably already traumatized by being left out those times. Shame on the grandmother AND HER stupid, thoughtless son! As a grandparent myself, if my son called me an hour before arriving saying "Mom Im bringing 2 guests, one of whom is a child", I'd be whipping up a stocking for that child pronto! You NEVER treat a child like those 2 morons think is acceptable... NEVER!
I may get in trouble for saying this but Christmas traditions are stupid. Christmas isn't about "traditions" it's about the birth of Christ. What was Christs' life about(?)....INCLUSION. He came for everyone and never excluded anyone. The husband and MIL would do best by remembering that, especially when it comes to children. If the man isn't going to stand up for his "son", he will never really be a father for him.
Shame on her!!! Children have enough to deal with that without being single or feeling left out and this is a family environment at Christmas. Yes, there should definitely be a stocking with his name on it as well. If not, there should be no Christmas at that house with you guys you should have your own family Christmas at your house and Grandma can come there to visit if she wants.,,, this makes me sick to my stomach!!
It’s a small courtesy. Guest May arrive at any time during holiday time . A good host welcomes and make their guest feel at ease , adult and or child . It’s nothing to have a back up stocking and small gifts for those who arrive to enjoy festivities. Be kind.
So consider this what happens if you and your wife have a child this year . Next Christmas will that child have a custom stocking hanging on the fireplace while your step kid will not ? Your answer will confirm who the real AH is...good luck!
You and your mother are horrible people. How is it okay to exclude a 9 year old child?
This dude is a fool, I have two step sons (15,21). I always treated them like family, even when their mom and I were just dating (dated four years, married one year). They may not be biologically mine, but none the less to me they are mine. Luckily for me the majority of my family are like minded and the ones that aren't learned to keep their month's shut real quick😎.
Hubs and Mother ATA. An adult is going to be "uncomfortable" or a child will be devastated to be excluded. Shouldn't be a difficult choice unless the adult is an a**.
It's easy for a Christian to see several levels of evil in this sad story number one being that no character in it is a follower of Jesus Christ. And if the step grandmother/mom, husband, or wife are claimed to be followers, then they are grieving the Holy Spirit who lives inside each follower. We're talking here about a holiday that celebrated the birth of Jesus; CHRISTmas. Such a sad story, especially for a 9 year old child. God bless him and change the hearts of the rest of his family.
This is absolutely horrific! How utterly cruel. It sounds like someone desperately needs a visit from the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. There is, in my personal opinion, absolutely no justification for grandmother and her son. Being left out hurts, plain and simple, irrelevant of age. She's not asking for equal inheritance for her son, it's a bl**dy personalised stocking for Christmas. My heart breaks for the boy and well done mum/wife for standing your ground. Grandma and son best be careful because karma be a heartless bi*ch and there's some real nasty surprises for them next year unless they change their attitudes and pronto.
Absolutely KEY to your story is how OLD is this stepson? And, you left that incredibly important point out of your story, what the heck? Let's assume he was two when you became a family three years ago (what, haven't seen Mom for Christmas in three years???) - staying within this weak story - you can explain to a five year old that this other family has a unique tradition, and he'll get to join in the next time you see them (in three years, apparently) - at age eight he'll really enjoy that Christmas. On the other hand, let's assume he was six when you all became a family (and he didn't ask step-dad how come we never see your family?) At age nine, truly knows he has been excluded. And finally, assume he was 19 when you became a family - at age 22, be happy that he wants to see you and step-mom, and not having a stocking in this quaint tradition probably isn't going to pain him too much!!
He's ignorant to think that this will blow over, he basically said that this child means nothing to his family, and if I was his wife, I'd leave his sorry a$$ for not considering my son's feelings and the mother is a real selfish b to leave the kid out ...they both suck.
He's fortunate his wife is still with him. I would have grabbed my child and walked. Should be no difference between a step dad, father of and adopted child or biological father. Children come to us in different ways and we are entrusted with their care and ensuring they are loved and that includes standing up for them.
Seriously wtf? It's not like it stays up year-round, it's a couple days probably. And this is your WIFE'S child and your stepson of 3 years not the rando kid of some chick you've been f...ing for 3 months. Traditions are about family and this kid IS your family but apparently none of you think he's "family enough" for a s****y little sock with some bells on it. You really are a d*** and so's your mom.
"She called me 'blind ' for not seeing how my family treats her son".... pretty sure there have been more examples before the stocking incident of this family treating this poor boy as not part of the family. You're whole family is TA.
My in laws accepted my two boys (then aged 3 and 4) into their lives almost immediately. In fact, my MIL refused to talk to her own mother because she (the mother) did not approve. (She never got to meet her ggkids - including our two girls who came along a bit later). My in laws have been the BEST grandparents any kid could wish for. Now they have kids of their own who are idolised by their great grandparents. I've been so fortunate. My husband's family are the best.
My oldest child (9) is blonde with green eyes like me and I had 2 more children with my Japanese partner. My mother-in-law was out with the children at a music/dance event at the local temple and they were all dressed in traditional clothes and someone commented on how her step-grandaughter stuck out and mil retorted back "what do you mean? That pretty child obviously favors me the most, she looks just like me with her bright eyes and lovely smile!"
Load More Replies... While the OP's mother has every right not to feel "comfortable" enough to create/hang a stocking for the OP's child, the mother should not feel "comfortable" to accept an invitation to the step-grandmother's house, and the child's step-father should not be comfortable bringing his child to his mother's home. If he loves his wife and his step child he should be disturbed with his mother's behavior.
It's a stocking at Christmas. No one is asking grandma to give the kid a kidney. Jesus was a stepchild. People forget that.
You and your mother are both TA. To be so cold as to not want to include a step grandchild in the tradition is despicable. Your wife has every right to not attend "your" family gatherings. This reminds me of a person I used to work with who when she was still in high school she had a baby, but she married right away after the baby was born, but she didn't marry the baby's father. The man she married was the only dad this girl had known, he even adopted her. But when they would go to his parents for Christmas or other holidays his witch of a mother would never give this girl a present, or anything else the other kids would get because "she is not my biological granddaughter." Can you imagine growing up and being left out of everything and not know why because her parents didn't tell her that he was not her bio dad until she was a senior in high school. So yes I think that anyone who makes a child feel unwelcome in a family is an AH.
Do you know what it's like to be a stepchild? Because if you did, you would know that something like that would make him feel. Yes it's a stocking, but to watch the other kids get thiers and to ask why you didn't get one. What are you going to tell him "oh I'm sorry buddy but my mom's not comfortable with you having one.. Lol yeah jack a*s fix it.
You're a horrible person or superrr blind to human social interaction. I don't know you so it's up in the air as to whether YTA or if YTA and just don't know it due to an inability to see it.
I wonder if grandma scrooge insists the boy call her Mrs so and such
My heart breaks for that child. If 3 years isn't long enough to include him in the "family traditions" he will never be included. I wouldnt go to the party either if I was the mom of that child.. the man's mother is a horrid person and the son (husband and stepdad of the child) is horrid also. Ugh what crappy way to treat a child
Honestly, the child is freaking NINE. How coldhearted is "Grandma"? This man never should have married a woman if he couldn't fully commit to her child. As a grandma and step grandma I make damn sure all my kids, grandkids and great grandkids know I love them absolutely, completely, 100% even if they came to me at different ages and stages. I've been on the other side of this equation. The painful memory of being excluded hasn't diminished six decades later. Stepdad and his wretched mother are being unforgivably unkind.
Mrs OP, get out of this pathetic excuse for a family as soon as possible. Your mil has about as much Christmas spirit as the Boston Strangler and your weak disloyal pathetic husband is unfit to be anyone's father. Be glad it's only three years of your life that you've lost. Do this for your child because your mother-in-law's war on him and you has just begun.
Hey Scrooge: Yeah, YTA for MANY reasons mentioned from several commenters. Your mom had three years to recognize you have a stepson. Three years, sweetie. And she's still not warming up to the kid? You're right, it shouldn't be about a stocking. But it is because your mother declared it so. And she doesn't "love" him, so cut with the BS. And maybe you don't either. Your wife and stepson deserve a better role model.
Uh-huh. You are an a*s hole. But.... it's okay! You mother is the really big a*s hole, because the old b***h should know better. Compared to her, you are merely pond scum. You wife's son ---- you've made it exceedingly clear he is not a part of your family (lucky boy, as your family seems to be hateful bastards!) --- is a child. You and evil-granny are grown ups. What you did was to tell your wife, and her child that well, gosh darn it guffaw a hu huh, "AH. Now, dear, you know I married beneath me... well, beneath my family. So... our marriage probably won't last. Let's not go playing real families." You have to know...... if I were that boys mother, your family would never have to see me again. What a bunch of idiots! It's a stocking. you twat-from-Hell. Grown ups? No. Just really large & limp penises... only bc I'm not able to type P. R. I. C. K. S!!!!!! Does social services know about evil granny?
For any holidays or invites. My sister put up with her crappy behavior, long pat her first child. But my BIL, put his foot down and told her what was what, and in his life, HIS WIFE AND FAMILY, came first. Not her and her toxic behavior. She did stop, but.. now since my BIL passed a few years ago, there are still little jabs her and there to my sister, and her family. We are 4 girls. She says things that have a double meaning, but not outright rude or mean. But.. be we all know, and we are stronger in our love as sisters, and she knows it, and she doesn't misbehave . Also, because my sisters' grown kids, feel the same as their dad did. Don't mess with my mom, or you will not see us and the great grandchildren. So. It's your choice. Kick that bad manipulative behavior to the trash and stand with your family, that YOU CHOSE.
And be loyal to your vows you took with your wife. If your mother can't do this, don't go to the party. Let the family know, you will not stand for this rude and insulting behavior from them, treating your wife and your new son, like they do not belong. The fact no one else in the family is bucking her decision, tells me they are afraid of her and how she will behave if they side with you. Take away her power to intimidate you and your family, and put your feet down, and support your wife and stepson. And in case you were wondering, my sister had to deal with a mother in law like this. She would actually call her son, and if my sister answered, she would hang up. When my BIL finally caught her in her bad act, he sided with my sister, and told her stop. Or no son, no grandchild would be coming to see her.
Attending the party or Christmas celebrations here. His is YOUR FAMILY, THAT YOU CHOSE TO LOVE. Speak to your family and explain how you feel . All at once. I can guarantee, they do not think your mother is being fair, or kind and loving. YOUR MOTHER KNOWS, that this is the woman you chose to love, honor and share your life with, and her child. Her child. Think here...OUR child. You are his step dad. Be a DAD. If your mom, after three years of marriage, and all the time you were dating your wife, planned to marry her, doesn't think this is enough time to bring him into the family, then SHE IS A MANIPULATIVE WOMAN, playing on your loyalties and saying pretty much, FU to your wife. Cut this crud out now. Lay the law down now, and let her know, what family is. If you have a child with her, what will she do? Treat the "real, blood connected new grandchild the same as the others, but still leave out your step son?? So, stop being a DI** and be a man, with a wife and stepson you love,
I bypassed your story, because I felt you really needed to hear this. Listen well, Mr. As*hole. If you have been married to your wife, for THREE YEARS, then your mother has had PLENTY OF TIME, to incorporate her step grandchild, into family traditions!! Your mother is being a manipulative woman, and playing on your loyalties to her and your family, rather than act her age and be an adult! When you marry, and you love her supposedly, then when she needs support like this situation, you had better stand behind her and be on her side. If you want to stay married and happy. F you love your stepson, which you say you do, then it is a FAMILY STANDING ON THE HILL, not just your wife! Be the man here and the adult, and tell your mother, if you cannot include my stepson into family traditions, then we, WE, will not be . Cont.
Fyi, your comments are not and will not be in order depending on the votes. I suggest you number them.
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The writer calls the boy "step son", meaning he himself doesn't consider the child his own... Maybe Mom is waiting for him to adopt the boy before she thinks of him as family? I dunno - pretty hurtful to the boy, either way. You'd think Mom could hang a stocking for 1 day.
YTA. Stepchildren often feel excluded, some are right about it, and some are wrong about it. This is no more than a gesture that, essentially, says "according to Grandma, you're included!", and that is, if they truly love him like one of theirs, not even only not asked too much, it is not asked much whatsoever to begin with. If he's socially a full member of the flock, why not treat him like a member of the flock? Why continue the exclusion, that, it seems, already has taken place here and there, why not decide that this time, this date, it ends - and therefore, of course, there's gonna be a sock going by his name? I don't see any reason not to. If they truly love him like one of them, one of theirs, a peer among peers, and so on. If they don't, however, I doubt the sock would be of major interest anyway, so ... hang it there, treat him like a Grandkid, and don't be a grumpy old shidhead, Gran, he can't do any about his bio father and his social father not being the same person.
Your mum says she loves him but feels uncomfortable putting his name on a stocking in her home? Where is the love then? Her words don't mean s**t, OP. Let her prove her so called love for your stepson.
Let me tell you how even as an adult, my 3 younger siblings & I lost our mom in March this year. Our parents are divorced, our dads been remarried for like 7-8 years. His wife's kids, whom are all adults as well, he goes with her and does 'family' things with them. I'm the only one with kids on my side, & they're all adults now as well (I'm 42, with kids whom are 24,24,22,22 & 19. Also have our first grand baby) however, you wouldn't know that he has kids or grandkids, or even a great grand baby at least on his side! Her kids and grandkids pictures are all over the house. And yes, he's been given pictures, even in frames of everyone. Those frames, have since been reused with pictures from her side. Now, if I feel this way as an adult, how do you think a 9 year old child feels?! Let me add in, one of those 24yo I have with my husband (one was born 1998/12/02, & the other 2022/12/18. Not siblings blood wise. One is his from a previous marriage and one from my previous one.
One-side with your wife. Two-ask you mom to apologize to wife and just do it because he's her new step gran kid. Three- ask mom if she was planning to do it as a surprise? Four- after all the years together mom still hasn't accepted step gran an made a stocking?!? I'd say have your own Xmas at home an just drop out of moms party this year. My grandmom on my dads side did this to my brother. He's from my moms first marriage. She would say "oh the Boy can come" or whatever. Just always said that about him. The boy. So it will affect him feeling like part of the family.
It doesn't even matter that he is the step grandchild. I could NEVER have a child guest at a Christmas gathering and not have the same type of stocking there that I have for any family blood children there. Children need to be a part of the celebration if they are invited and treated equally so they do not feel excluded. Bullying via exclusion is a real and damaging thing and is able to be prosecuted as such in the work place. In this instance we are talking about a 9 year old child. Both the mother and her child are being excluded because she as the adult is made to feel her child is not equal to the others, THIS IS JUST MANIFESTLY WRONG AND EVIL.
In my opinion the wife is totally right. I have some choice words for the mother, but then, it is her house her choice. But the wife protects her child as it should be, husband should realise that.
I want to know what happened, did he realise he was the as*hole? Did the wife attend the party? Did the kid get the stocking?
The question was posted 9 days ago, it's probable the party hasn't happened yet.
Load More Replies... Poor kid. „She’s not comfortable yet” sounds like grandma’s been through this a few times with the dad and is expecting him to get divorced again soon or something. Edit: I mention it because I find it a harsh and strange turn of sentence to use when talking about a grandchild, not because I think it’s a proper excuse to not get the kid a customized sock.
Doesn't matter. We have a stash of "generic teen girl" gifts for when our nephew is dragged along to our Xmas party and may, or may not have a girlfriend in tow. I don't know if this girl even exists this year, certainly don't know her name, but she's damn well going to get a gift and be welcomed in our house.
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YTA and so is your mother. If it's a family tradition and your wife and stepson are truly family (and they should be after three years of marriage), then your nine-year-old stepson should have a stocking too, especially at Christmas. Why can't you see how not being treated like every other family member is going to make that little boy feel excluded and hurt - It's cruel. And I would be willing to bet that this isn't the first time you've chosen your mother over your wife. I find it interesting that you say this is the hill your wife is going to "die" on. That statement is appalling in so many ways. How awful and hurtful and unfaithful of you to not stand by your wife. How many other times has she had to swallow this kind of behavior from your mother? For God's sake, if you love your wife, grow a pair and make your wife and stepson your "real" family and tell your mommy to go pound sand or your marriage might die on the next hill.
Poor kid. Every kid gets a stocking but him? WTF! I'd be crushed. Definitely YTA
NTA not yours wifes tradition and just don't go to the party with your family
Your wife has every right to be hurt 3yesrs you have been in this child's life that means something that child would be so hurt and left out I'm a step parent I would never leave My step child out even my mum sisters brother buy him gifts nd my partner is a stepdad to my daughter I expect the same from him nd my daughter I's never left out she would be hurt but she 11 no filter so she would speaker her mind Ur a jerk grow some tell Ur mum she rude as hell
Well your familly and you are a piece off work... I siding with the wife... But I'm petty i would attend and tell my son to ask about the stoking in front of the family, and than answer - darling you don't have one because we are not family just guests!!! And than pull a stoking of my bag and give it to him... And tell in front of every one but you have your mother here and i brought you one just for you!!! Mery Christmas from your family!!!😉
Its a child. The child comes first. Include them. If this child is not included in this tradition they will never feel accepted. Its a child for Pete's sake.
Hard to see what this looks like in the child's eyes. He's 9. I could see hurt feelings here. I'm 51. My husband and I have been married 24 years. My mother-in-law still doesn't consider me family. I've helped her with so many things and spent more time with her than her own children. I know longer deal with her. Too much deliberate hurt. Can't imagine being 9 dealing with exclusion.
As a Grandmother, I have NO step grandchildren-ONLY grandchildren. I don’t understand how a grandmother can differentiate and not treat all her grandchildren the same. The only thing I can figure is that the husband who reacted so strongly against his wife must show some reluctance to accepting his stepson. Otherwise, why would his mother be so reluctant? Surely she loves her son and wants her son-AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY-to feel loved and accepted. He was definitely wrong to not support his wife and SON!! When you marry, you accept the package deal and after 3 years, that should be a sealed deal. My heart goes out to all of them, but especially the innocent 9 year old who undoubtedly doesn’t understand.
Kudos to the mom for standing up for her child. However; everyone should just know here and now that many families do not accept those in their clan who are not connected either by DNA or a marriage license. SOME don't even accept adopted or fostered kids or step anything. We can gripe and castigated them on sites like AITA or this one but to many. DNA is everything and there is nothing the internet, the law or a child's age can do to reset that clock. In my own clan most accept a stepchild but in certain ways they still acknowledge my stepson is not my " real child" sad, but it is what it is. A SYEP child is a legal vonnection it is not a biological one. Grandma needs to not hang stockings thst alienate any one period.
If the husband think it's only a small thing to start a fight with, then grandma should hang the stockings coz it's "only a small thing' per se. As a child, i never forgot hurtful incidents. This will remain in child's memory.
Oh I am almost positive the actions from step grandma and step dad go beyond the stocking....I bet G'ma is one freaking b!t¢¶
I can’t believe the family would exclude her son. I also can’t believe the husband isn’t 100% behind his wife and stepson. Do these people actually know what Christmas is all about! I can’t say anymore, because it is not very nice.
I noticed how Dad refered to the boy as "my stepkid". Rather telling, methinks !
When I moved in with my boyfriend. I bought stockings for both of us, his son who is 24 from his previous marriage and his dog and his cat! They are all part of my family. His ex-mother-in-law still makes him a stocking every year and sends him Christmas and Birthday cards! Family isn't just blood. The OP is the AH and his mom is an even bigger AH! They have been married 3yrs so Im assuming they have probably been together for 4yrs and she's still not "comfortable" wtf how long does she think it takes? She just doesn't like the wife or her son.
The wife is TA. It is likely the wife had caused the issue herself and grandmother does not take to being dictated to. Personally I would have been more warm to the grandmother and expressed my wishes, no more. It is likely she does not feel the marriage will last and with someone dictating to her...I would feel the same. The 3 year wife sounds like alot more than TA
That child doesn't understand why he's not loved enoughy to have a stocking like the rest of the other grand children. Order him one and put it up when you get there not that hard like damn
The çhild is the one that this stupid situation will harm the most. 3 years? REALLY... She STILL doesn't have a stocking yet? He'll remember this and how it made him feel and never fit in. Just how the dad refers to him as the "step kid". I bet when ýou accept him completely your mom will too.
Christmas is about coming together, making people feel welcome and safe, enjoying family and friends, and getting through the most depressing month on Earth. Good God, put the stocking up. It is a kid that is in a tough situation mentally during the hardest time of the year and probably just wants to feel like he belongs. I would have died on that hill as well and made other plans with my wife and kids. My mother would never dream of doing that in a million years. #immature, #irresponsible, #shameful, #sadistic, #douchy, #narcissistssuckballs
Wow...it's amazing how petty adults can be; he is a child grandmonster. Step dad you need to step up your game and get behind the woman and child that you are supposed to LOVE. Perhaps you got your sense of empathy from your mom's side?
I never get mad over these stories, but omg, this guy, his mom + anyone who says he's NTA is utterly effed up + has a heart 3 sizes too small. Omg.
Shame on him and his mother. How is he saying his mom loves the little boy but feels uncomfortable including him in the same breath? They've been married for 3 years and she's still uncomfortable? I don't blame his wife for protecting her son since his stepfather and stepgrandmother don't seem to care.
I say NTA... not really anyway. I see both sides. The mother is being a mother, but the truth is not everyone has the chip to love someone not of their blood like their own. Obviously the MIL is one of those people. I think she may be fond of the child, but she definitely doesn't love him and she's probably not too crazy about the wife either. But you can't force yourself to love anyone... even a child unfortunately. But she's also not the one who married the wife so she doesn't feel obligated to. A compromise would be for them to bring a stocking for the child and discreetly put it up while they are there and she can take it down when they leave if it bothers her that much.
How petty can your mom be! This is a little boy that came into your life at the tender age of 6 and he is still not considered family? What does it cost for an adult to add a stocking with his name on it and spare him the pain of being left out? This is a child for crying out loud! As a mother, I would do the same as your wife, to protect my child. Your mother needs a lesson on what it means to have a kind and loving heart.
I have a mixed family, and we don’t ever exclude anyone. My youngest sons best friend has a stocking that he came over an decorated with us. He is important to someone I love so important to me. Oldest sons girlfriend, first Christmas with my son, she also has a stocking she came and decorated with us. Step kids, are still kids. And if you aren’t willing to give them all the same love you would your own kid, you shouldn’t have gotten into that relationship.
I seriously don't get this "blood is most important" thing so many people have. Biological, step, adopted, foster, friends... all of these can make a family. LOVE is family. Speaking as someone whose bio relations are toxic af, trust when I say that. Seems OP's wife is waking up to the fact that she and her son are outsiders and are expected to just sit there and smile while it's shoved in their faces. As a mom with a little girl who's almost nine, I'd boycott, too. Nobody is going to make my child feel "less than."
YTA and so is your mom. This boy was 6 when he came into the family. Now, three years later, your mom doesn't feel comfortable getting him a freaking stocking? What kind of monster is she??? I buy for little kids that I am 100% NOT related to! Your wife is 110% right to refuse to attend Christmas and watch her child be excluded. She'd also be 110% correct in divorcing you because you didn't support her and her child and decided to make excuses for "mommy dearest"! Man up and tell your mom her exclusionary BS is not acceptable and if your stepson doesn't get a sock, she can scratch your name off the guest list! I cannot believe I have to tell a full grown "man" this!!!
Anyone who said not the a*****e is for sure one And yes this a hill for mom to die on. no one would ever get to dis include mine
YES ABSOLUTELY YATA .Both you and your mother should think about how that little kid will feel when everyone gets one but them .. they will be hurt and think they are unloved,it's unfair and MEAN JUST PLAIN MEAN...
What do these people mean by "not her grandson" bc I'm pretty sure that's the default setting when you marry a person that has children. You may choose not to accept this child as your grandchild, but that doesn't make them "not your grandchild" just bc they are step children. Your child married this person and their child was part of the deal. They chose this to be their family which makes them part of your extended family for better or worse, yet you choose the child to alienate... Why not just say what you really mean? "I didn't want you to marry this person that already has children so I'm going to make a point to exclude them." The fact that he's so oblivious to the snub speaks volumes. She definitely should've married someone that was willing to love and accept her child as their own bc he does not or he would've found a solution or refused to come as well.
I say YTA & Your mother is too! I was the older stepchild and had a brother & sister. (1/2 to me) I never knew the words step or half belonged in any of my relationships w/family til I figured it out as a teen. My grandparents treated all of us the same. We never had family discussions that most likely your stepchild has had to hear! 😭😭😭 Whatta a way for an adult's pettiness to hurt and burden a child... And his own stepdad for agreeing and fighting about it! Whatta a way to breed insecurity in him, a sudden awareness that his "dad" doesn't think a stocking is good enough for him. If mom was smart, she would see this lack of genuine love and seek counseling for your marriage and her boy immediately. This makes me heartsick I hope our world today is not filled with more people like you who only look for the paths of no resistance. Good job to mom. THIS IS EXACTLY THE HILL SHE SHOULD CHOOSE TO DIE ON. DO NOT GO WHERE YOUR CHILD IS NOT WELCOME.
After reading many comments. I have to wonder why we as a society call any child step. If married it should be son or daughter no matter what. Exclusion is still exclusion and that what step going
Your mom is not comfortable? Imagine this 9 yo boy on Christmas sees all the other kids have stockings with names but him. He's a step kid. He can deduct he is not accepted. You are an a*s for not standing up to your snowflake of a mom. To your wife: make your own stocking for your son. Make it over the top and make sure the MIL knows she over stepped.
No it's not ridiculous, that is if you're whole intention is to just exclude this kid from everything then you're definitely on the right track. I'd get used to not spending Christmas with your wife, because I don't think she's gonna be around for the next one.
Maybe the wife has to be a narcissist that has cheated on the son before the mother feels comfortable enough making a personalized stocking for her and the child right away? Thankfully, I didn't have to cheat to get a stocking for my son and myself, but we did have to wait longer than the others. 😂
OP's wife has every right to ask if her son can be included by having a custom stocking made. But she can NOT force it. No matter what anyone else says you can not force someone to do something they aren't comfortable with. If OP's mother isn't comfortable enough to make a stocking for his step-son then that's on his mother. It's HER decision. Honestly, this entire situation is moronic at best. It's a stocking and people are acting like children over a difference in opinion.
How can an ADULT do something that hurts a CHILD and be okay with it? A stocking's such a SIMPLE thing, but the gesture of including him could mean the WORLD to that little boy! I'm a grown-up, and being excluded hurts MY feelings. Imagine how a 9-year old would feel to see everyone else's name except his? My dad had me, my brother, and sister with my mom. He had another girl with my stepmother. Even though we NEVER called her our HALF sister and love her DEARLY, she said she always felt left out because we talked about events before she was born or relatives on our mom's side that she didn't know. I can't imagine how she'd feel if we hadn't made sure to include her & let her know how much we love her. Today, my brother's married to a girl who had twin boys before they met. They're not my STEP nephews. I love them JUST as if they were my blood. They call me "Lala" like my other nieces & nephews. In our family, there are no half, step, or full members. Give that sweet boy a stocking!
Yep: you are the a**hole here. Your mother is a piece of work, too. Either the stepchild is a full family member or he isn't. YOU need to put your foot down and defend this child. TODAY. Your mother is using divisive tactics for some reason on this issue. Find out why and stop her nonsense.
See here is where I have a slight difference in opinion from the norm. I have a family member who does this same thing but she hand sews the stockings with a lot of detail, so this is one thing where I think I see the point the Gma might be making. See if it's a financial commitment that she's worried about or the time and effort she may not have right now. If so maybe you could explore an option where your wife could pick something out or make special that gets hung up special for him. I always celebrated with my cousins and they got personalized stocking made by there grandma not on my side and I got to pick out my own tinkerbell stocking and the A to embellish it. I think you could think about something like that as a possible compromise. If Gma isn't willing to give them that then yes YTA. And also you are for sure the jerk for telling your wife she's overreacting. I think your mom may not be an a*****e depending on what the situation is and the compromise she's willing to do.
As the step child who didn't get a stocking because I wasn't "real family" I can promise you this is hateful venom directed at a child who also "isn't comfortable" with being in the family yet. That's what parents and the family are supposed to do : make sure the step child knows they are loved, welcome and no different than anyone else. Eff these people. Child or not, you never forget this rejection. If a stocking is this big of an issue, I promise the favoritism and pettiness will get worse as the kid gets older. It's something you never forget. Kudos for being a Momma Bear and protecting your kid.
They could start their own tradition... wouldn't it be that "easy"? So the grandma is uncomfortable...the husband, wife, and wife's son could do something special together that makes the kid feel loved . Who needs a family like that if they're just going to exclude a kid? Build your own traditions, I say 😉 problem solved
You and your mom are a**holes. You married a woman with a child. You chose to make this child your own in doing so. Your family should include him the same as the other kids even if they have more attachment to your biological children. Your wife must be the one who is blind and not you because you not reaching down and pulling your balls out of you a** and standing up for your family really just shows what kind of person you are. If the kid hasn't been accepted in 3 years he never will be. And that's from you, your mom, or your other kids. He deserves better than you and your grinch of a mom.
It's embarrassing for the child not to be included stuff like that stays with you. If it was my child I'd refuse to go too that way my child knows they are the most important to someone.
YTA. If after 3 years you and your family can't include your CHILD (step or not) into family traditions then you definitely don't deserve him or his mother in your life. You all basically CHOSE to exclude him. Shame on you.
I was in a relationship with a woman who had a daughter. I had no kids of my own, and my mom was very welcoming of my new step child. We had been together for almost 10yrs before we decided to get married. My mom decided to hand a stocking at Christmas to help her feel included in the family for the holidays. Needless to say the marriage fell apart and the daughter is as ungrateful as her mother. It was a good show of faith at the time but did now good in the long run. I don't blame him for reacting how he did, or the mom for wanting to keep a tradition.
Why make some 9 yo feel excluded? Granny needs to give in a make a stupid stocking
My mom got stockinga for her step grandchild the year my brother married their mother. She always spent equally on them for birthdays and Christmas. What would this grandmother lose by getting her step grandchild a stocking? Nothing, and it would mean a lot to the child. Ridiculous.
I’ve been that kid. It’s not fun. He’s DEFINITELY the a**hole in this situation.
When my adult children are in a serious relationship I make a stocking for their significant other. How hard can that be, such little effort it takes, and such a welcoming gesture. My now DIL said she cried when she saw I had done that for her. Sorry man you and your family suck.
My cousin once said "the only steps we have in this family are the ones that let you into the home." He had stepchildren from prior marriages and still loved them when things didn't work out with his exes.
Rarely do I comment on these but my gawd…. Something isn’t right… I wouldn’t stay quite if my parent thought it ok to single out my SO’s child.. the way my mouth and attitude is set up…… you and your mother are a*****e’s 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I'm 45 and going to my friends moms house foe Christmas. I've met her parents one time. They got me gifts. How in TF can anyone not include a 9 year old at Christmas??? I feel sorry for that lady and her son. That is cold blooded and I'd not be surprised if the moms New Year Resolution is to get a divorce from this insensitive A@#$!@e. Wow!
As both a bonus Mom and a bonus kid I call bs on Grandma Dearest and the son/ bonus Dad!!! His wife and bonus child come first. If Granny Dearest can’t be inclusionary to a CHILD then wife and kiddo shouldn’t go where they aren’t welcomed with open arms!!! My “step” Grandma ( and she would never have used “step” where I was concerned) loved me more than some of my biological family!!! Shame on Dad/Son for not standing up for his wife and bonus kiddo!!! My Mom included my bonus daughter in EVERYTHING even before my husband and I got married!!!
The boy has been in the family since he was 6. Now he is only 9. Why would anyone deliberately want to exclude a 9 year old? YMITAH
Could you imagine if I didnt consider my step daughters as my daughters & I purposely made it a point to tell them that they're not? That's what the grandma is doing. The ppl saying "he's not your grandson" ..... wtf are you talking about & where are you getting that she either doesn't know the kid or has only let him a few times? It literally doesn't say that in this story. Sounds to me like y'all are fucken pieces of s**t who would exclude a literal child from Xmas traditions just because you're bitter, miserable psychos who can't love a child as your own just because you don't share blood. I hope to god none of you are step parents or step grandparents cause this is disgusting!!!!!! It's been 3 years. If you don't see that child as your own... you never will. You should NEVER be with someone who has kids if you can't see yourself loving that kid as if it's your own kid! Also, wtf would make you act like that? Get help. You're the a*****e 200% & so are the ppl who agree w/you!
Growing up my grandmother hand knitted our stockings, and when my mom remarried and gain two step kids, she also made thiers as well. For a family member to single out a child one that they knew since they were 6, is sad. All the mom wanted was her child to be the same and treated like the other grandkids.
What has happened for the past 2 years? Is this just now happening on year 3? Everyone should be included or no one should…it hurts the kid.
I was so surprised so many felt the same way I do..its cruel to the child not to be included. I know first hand what rejection feels like. You will feel like you are never good enough for anyone. It hurts a child's self esteem when excluded. Thank God I had a loving step grandma. SHE accepted me even more than my STEP DAD. Wow.. I just don't understand why a GRANDMA..being step or NOT would not want to embrace this child with loving arms wide open. Makes you wonder how his step dad feels about him if his step grandma is like that. What a sad example. I wish the best for this little kid. I'd get him his own stocking myself if I could lol
YTA. It's your wife's son? She absolutely was right to want to spend her day with her son rather than those who don't want to acknowledge that he is NOW family. He became family the day you said I do. Shame on you for making her feel like she HAD to choose her son over you and your family. She is simply a mom wanting her son to not feel the sting of being unwanted. He is a kid and the only thing he will see is you and your family rejecting him. You didn't just slight her but her child. A mother won't ever forget that. If I had a step grandchild, I would bloody make sure I made that child feel part of the family. I would love that kid like my own. He/She would not be treated any differently.
What I got from that is the grandma doesn't know the definition of love. The husband and grandmother need to look up the definition. If I was the wife/mother I wouldn't go to ANY holiday get together she throws. That must make that kid feel like s**t. Getting close to that grandma just to hear she doesn't love you enough to hang a stocking. Husband and grandma are s**t humans.
Once they're married into the family, guess what? They're family! And doing things differently with them than the other grandkids will be an obvious sign to them that they are not like the others and maybe don't belong. Why can't the mom just add another stocking??? It's literally one more and will mean so much to the two additional family members.
OH, H3LL F@#KING NO. JUST NO. NO WAY. I AM YELLING AT HIS WIFE TO GET OUT OF THAT SHAM MARRIAGE NOW. AS IN PACK YOUR THINGS INTO YOUR CAR AND THEN GO TO THE COURT AND FILE FOR DIVORCE TODAY. THIS AFTER THREE YEARS?!? AND THE DUDE TOOK HIS MOM'S SIDE ARE YOU FOR REAL?!? SHAME ON HIM. DEFINITELY YTA. This reminds me of a Dear Abby column I read where a family was asking if they were in the wrong for objecting to a guy bringing his wife of one year to a family gathering. Dear Abby took the definitive stance that the family definitely YTA and slammed them for mistreating the wife. Dear Abby stated that the ONLY case where it would maybe be acceptable to not invite a partner was if the guy had had a string of short-term (i.e., 3 month or less) romantic flings. THREE F@#KING YEARS?!? AND IT IS NOT EVEN THE WIFE BUT THE CHILD??? SHAME ON THE DUDE AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.
Either accept him into the family as an equal or risk losing them altogether and shame on you dadif you don't agree.
My mom would have got him a stocking. She makes sure to include all kids that come around and treat them as family. It's not the kids fault that the marriage didn't work out and he is the only person that suffers in all of this. How crappy to see everyone else get a stocking. I would have made my own for him if I was the wife and smirk while he opens it and it's wayyyyy cooler than everyone else's.🤣🤣🤣 but I guess I can be petty like that
You are the a-hole and so is your mom. You are also a terrible husband and step-father. When you marry a woman with kids, those kids become your kids. As a man you should always go to bat for your family, even if it's against your parents. My wife has kids from her previous marriage and I don't even refer to them as step-kids...they are my kids and I love them just as much as if they were my own blood. If my parents refused to treat them equally I would drop my parents like a hot potato. Luckily, my parents aren't garbage people and treat them as though they were always blood kin. The fact that your mother wants to exclude and hurt the feelings of a child makes her a sociopath and your refusal to stand up to her makes you a coward. Your wife is being a good mother for refusing to subject her child to a situation that will make him feel exiled and unwanted. I hope to God she divorces you and finds a real man. It's time to turn in your man card, it is officially revoked
Excluding your stepson is wrong. There is no middle ground with kids. They are either welcome with open arms, treated the same as all children, or they are made to feel like they don't matter. The fact that you are not standing up and being a real man is appalling. You have a chance to do the right thing. DO THE RIGHT THING.
I was my the stepchild to my brother's dad's family, and even at 9 years old I knew I wasn't family even if I loved them as such and had known them since I was 2. To me, that was my dad until he told me he didn't want me around anymore (this happened over his ex gf). I remember similar things during Christmas, I didn't get a stocking on the wall, I got one present that I wasn't even interested in (I asked for art supplies every year and got a barbie) while my sibling and cousins got literal mountains of gifts. They got stocking stuffers, and if they remembered me, mine was empty. At 9 years old, you notice A LOT in those situations, it's not just a sock on the wall it's him being INCLUDED IN THE FAMILY, and he'll blatantly see that he's not. Your wife calls you blind because you are. You don't see just how damaging that "sock on a wall" is to him after 3 years of loving your mom as his grandma and knowing she doesn't feel that same love for him as her grandson.
As a women who came from split parents and was the step grand child , I disagree with the Step Dad do u no how it feels to be kept out as a child, I remember my Step Family not even getting me a gift and having my sister who is fully there's get gifts , my mom wouldn't let my sister open them until I wasn't there , it's a stalking and I see your wife point of view , to walk into a home where they have a tradition and not be part of it was very upsetting as a kid and I still remember it to this day .
I have dozens of first cousins. Only three of them are biological. The others are either adopted or from second marriages. If there's one thing my family has attempted to do, year after year after year, it's to treat all family like family. We don't always succeed, but little things like including everybody in hung stockings is incredibly important. The symbolism is more important than what's in the stocking. It's not about decorations. This guy is completely missing the point.
This is what insane. The clear message to the child is that he doesn't belong. He has been in this man's life since he was six. Six is tiny. He will grow up into a man with few to no memories of any other father if this marriage survives, but he will remember that he wasn't good enough for a Christmas stocking. This idiot needs to drop the 'step' and realize that this is his son. Grandma is perfectly comfortable mistreating his son because for three bloody years dad has been sending the message that it is okay. And if you think the kid doesn't notice, believe me, you're wrong.
YTA - I need her side on this. Imagine being hurt because your son is being excluded and your husband calling you "ridiculous". Lovely.
One of the biggest lies ever told is, "Blood makes you family." No blood makes you related; loyalty, love and trust makes you family. Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile & who love you no matter what. May we never forget who Christmas is really about.
YTA. Imagine your wife having to tell her son "I'm sorry, but after 3 years, they still don't consider you family." My ex used to spend Christmas with his step Dads parents at Christmas and sit and watch while all of the "REAL" Grandkids got gifts and he got nothing. He went home in tears year after year and would cry while asking his Mom "why dont they love me?" If you and your Mom are really okay with your stepson feeling this way, knowing that your mother is the cause.....yes you are DEFINITELY both a**holes.
YTA and so is your side of the family Ill be disappointed to be related to anyone who treat a child like this
How terrible for this 9 year old to show up at this so called family's home and all the kids get a stocking but he doesn't, what is wrong with this man's mother that she would even think this was ok I completely agree with the young boys mom and I would not go either to her home, because she's really saying I don't except step grandchildren because they aren't mine. Grow up step dad and see what your mother is doing here and grow some
I married a man with 2 boys, my mom immediately told them to call her grandma. That was it, she had a multitude of grandchildren and great grandchildren but she welcomed those boys with love. When she passed they were included in her obituary. This is how its done.
Man, this is making me grateful for how open and accepting my family is towards my convoluted blended family. My sister and I both married men with kids but have no children of our own, and Mom and Dad dove headlong into the grandparent role. My stepson has always had a stocking hung over the fireplace at Christmas. It's not even a question - that's just what you do. My stepson has my parents as stepgrandparents, two grandmas, one grandpa, and one other stepgrandpa, and they all also fully embrace that grandparent life. And then going one further convoluted step, my husband has two ex-stepdaughters who are his son's half sisters, and ever since we've been together we've tried to make sure to have a dinner with them as well because, well, why not? The more the merrier.
Definitely, YTA. And so is your mom. Step-dad to 4 kids for a decade now, so I know first hand. It is not that kids fault his family had problems. It is not his fault his mom and you got married. Treating him like a second class citizen just bc"she doesn't feel comfortable yet...?" What the hell is that?!?! Sounds to me like your mom thinks this is a temporary marriage. He will always feel like an outsider. Always. And this will prove him right. To you, to your mom, it's just a stocking. To him and his mother, it's exclusion. It's him being an outcast in his own home. Right now he and your wide are hearing that you won't go to bat for them "over a sock." Her desire to not come if her son isn't welcome is more than reasonable. At least someone loves that kid.
As a host, it's your duty to make your guests feel welcome. It's not even about whose kid is whose. It's about not being a spiteful host. If you're inviting people into your home, you accommodate them. Personally, I'd have a stocking for every child, whether they're my own child, or the child of a co-worker's third cousin no one has ever met. And, yeah. Protecting your child from bullying is mom's job, so she shouldn't expose her child to that pettiness. Husband seems to have ASPD traits to not see how hateful his mother is being.
The whole family sounds like a******s. This is another example of how people have fukd up x-mass and why I hate the holiday.
Three years. And the man is still describing the child, as his wife's son. If he hasn't welcomed him into his family wholly yet. It isn't going to happen. This is ridiculous. He is the a*****e. The grandmother is the a*****e. She needs to know she isn't in charge of the household anymore. Maybe put her in a home.
It would never occur to me to leave a child out of the festivities even if my son/daughter brought a companion with a child with out me having met them. There WOULD BE a stocking even if I had to marker on a name at the last minute. How utterly cruel of that grandmother. That husband should refuse to attend also in support of his 'step wife' & stepson. Thoughtless, Jerk, a*****e, moron, fuckup are only a few of the derogatory words I have for him!
You’d be getting divorce papers from me. Clearly you and your family have a serious lack of caring and empathy. How the woman ever married you and brought her son into a situation where you obviously are incapable of loving or supporting either one of them is beyond me. You and your mother are deplorable! Oh, and I seriously doubt your wife wants her son “hanged” along side the other stockings lmao, omg…
The little step-child is just a baby. Just like Jesus was. Nobody buys the Virgin Birth story, I'm sure least of all Joseph, so he was like a little step-child too. Just be loving and kind. Its all it takes.
The thing is that people confuse "AITA" with "Is this illegal?" Yes, it's perfectly legal and in her right to do whatever she wants in her own house. But it still makes her an AH.
I hate this B.S. How cannot know this sort of thing before marrying someone.
Hes not her grandson, hes your step son. But after 3 years, read the room. Your mom doesnt want to give him a stocking. I bet you she feels like its 2 worlds colliding and she might think your marriage wont last. Tell your wife to take her a*s to the store, get the kid a stocking, hang it up in your house and start your own tradition. The world isnt going to stop because he doesnt have a stocking at your mothers house. Fill one and take it over there for him to feel included with the GKs on xmas day. And tell the wife to quitcherbitchin.
I suspect that this guy is just trolling. No one can be that stupid. I think this is some kind of made up clickbait story. I belive that there are people sadistic enogh exclude a child like that. But I find it hard to belive that someone is stupid enogh to ask internet for an opinion about his evil action.
Couple of people are the AH, some more than others. First, your wife for insisting my your mother do something to include her son. I wonder if it's the wife that is also making this an issue, and there isn't already some sort of tension between the wife and MIL. Second, the OP's mom is being petty and an AH because it is about the grandchild. Heck, even if they weren't married and were guests at a home for the holidays, some people are kind enough to make a special stocking for the guest child so they can feel similar joy. It's not that hard, and it brings joy. Third, the OP is an AH because he has no backbone. Dude, stand up for your family! Adult problems and using kids as pawns.
Excellent contributing comment. What would we do if you weren't here to explain? /s
Load More Replies... I’d say this is one of those things when you really have to understand the situation from the child’s perspective: the adults may know that they love him and care for him, but the kid is not gonna see it that way. What he IS going to see is that he’s being singled out. And it’s going to hurt.
I didn’t get a designated chair with my name on it in the lunchroom at work during corona times and I felt singled out and slightly hurt (despite it being reasonable since I’m usually only there once a week), I can’t imagine the hurt for a *child* on *Christmas*, dad and grandma are absolutely blind.
Load More Replies... The kid isn't the son of some random woman you've been seeing for a month, he is the son of your wife. Grandma sounds like a jerk thinking blood equates family. My grandma has plenty of step grandchildren and makes no distinction between blood or marriage, she's happy and grateful for every single one.
Plus, three years married and she is "not comfortable"? How long is it going to be until she is? The fact after three years she is pulling this exclusionary BS and step-dad STILL isn't stepping up means yes, there are problems with BOTH of them.
Load More Replies... It's awful that your mother refuses to get a stocking for your stepson, and even worse that you are defending her against your own wife and stepSON. Your wife has every right to be angry, and not wanting to attend a festivity where her son is seen as "less than" the other children. Children that age are easily hurt by adults playing favorites, and that is exactly what your mother is doing. Your stepson is part of your family now. Based on your actions, I guess you haven't quite accepted that yet.
My Grandmother even included foreign exchange students as equally as Grandchildren.
Load More Replies... I hate that people are saying the child is not her grandson. I have a step-grandson. That is MY grandson and I'll fight anyone who says he's not! No one has invented language strong enough to explain how much of TA both he and his mom is. 🤬
"I called her ridiculous for deciding not to go over for something so trivial." Is this guy playing dumb or is he actually THAT dumb?? 🤔
He's forgotten what it's like to be a child. Or else maybe he hasn't accepted his step-son either.
Load More Replies... Got remarried in August of this year, husband doesn’t have any kids, but loves his cat. I got nice new stockings this year for me, my son, my husband . . .and the cat.
Ouch. I've been in a similar situation as the kid. It sucks. Brings me back to sitting on the staircase during Christmas at my grandmother's, lol. If their attitudes don't change, this sure as hell is gonna stick with the boy. Comfortable or not, it's been 3 years, family is family whether or not it's by blood or by paper.
I am one of 6 daughters, imagine being the grown daughter, being forced with her husband, to sit on the stairs, or in a different room, because the grand children and rotating husbands soon to be ex are sitting on the furniture, and the floor, and no one is being asked to give up the seat, or the space on the floor. Finally we gave up going. Now we stay home with the people who love us for a peaceful quiet Christmas eve.
Load More Replies... I can't believe there is one NTA let alone multiple. If my parents were hosting and my partner was bringing his great aunts sisters cousins CHILD to Christmas, my mum would get a stocking for them. It's not about the adults here, it's about making the kid know they're loved and welcomed and not feeling singled out on CHRISTMAS of all days! That kid will remember being excluded.
The whole point of Christmas is to share spend time and with family. Singling out a kid like that is cruel at the best of times but at Christmas the stepson will feel totally unloved and unwanted by the family and he'd probably be right. The husband should be supporting the wife in not going to the party. Anything else would be grounds for me to consider divorce.
Right. Me, too. The wife and child deserve better than some Mama's boy.
Load More Replies... I have an older step sister by 7 years. Because of how my dad treated her I consider her my sister, my own flesh and blood. My parents met when she was 2. Actually, this is the first time this year that I remembered we don't have the same dad. Don't be an a*s. If you love your stepchild you have to treat him like your own. Stocking and everything.
So would that make her your half-sister? I'm not about to try to debate your family relations, I'm just a little confused.
Load More Replies... All I'm thinking is this probably won't be a problem next year. Wifey and step son won't be around.
I hope not. There's gotta be a nice man out there with no kids and some parents who are DYING to dote on a new (step) grandkid- I know my parents would be overjoyed if I brought home some new step kids for them to fuss over
Load More Replies... It’s shocking you would post this on the internet, the lack of basic emotional maturity is astounding, you don’t have enough to even be married in the first place! What a twat!
A stepchild IS a grandchild, FFS. When my oldest brother married his first wife, she had a daughter from her first marriage. Our grandparents were Slovene immigrants who had little to no education, and came to the US in the early 1910s, so we’re very old world/old school. My brother, of course, took his wife and stepchild to meet them, and the little girl was welcomed and treated just like a blood relative. In fact, when my grandfather died a few years later, his obituary mentioned him being survived by his wife, two children, seven grandchildren, and one great-grandchild. As I wasn’t married, and none of my brothers or cousins had had children at that time, it meant my step-niece was included as a family member in the obituary. Now, if an old school/old world immigrant can consider a stepchild as family, why can’t the OP’s family do the same?
Beautiful story ❤️ and you’re right, all the NTA posts are stupid
Load More Replies... This isn’t the child of some woman you’ve been dating for a little while. It’s your stepson. You’ve been married three years, so obviously you’ve been together longer than that. If this child isn’t considered family by now, he’s never going to be and your wife and son would be better off without you all. No, an adult can’t dictate how another adult decorates their home, but if your mother claims to love the child and the stockings are “no big deal,” then what’s the problem. Your mother’s being exclusionary and hurtful and YOU are not standing up for YOUR family. You and tour mother are both a***oles.
Yes. Comfortable or not, that child became family the second the son married the wife. That mother may or may not love the child as a human being, but certainly not as family. Until his mom can accept his entire family as is, they need to stop going there altogether.
Load More Replies... It's just a stocking. And granny will learn one day how "expensive" that sort of thing can be. Both my grandmothers did this sort of thing to me and my brothers all the time. All cousins got elaborate birthday celebrations, and we got some leftover cake from their parties if our birthdays were close enough. They got nice presents, we got a little bit of money to buy something for ourselves. All their accomplishments were praised, ours did not merit a mention. We were all blood, but we were not the Golden Children's children. So we didn't matter. Later we all choose to go NC with both sets of grandparents. Not out of anger or resentment, simply to not associate with people who are not interested in us. As the grandparents got older, they tried to reach out. Sorry, wrong number. Try your "real" grandchildren.
My mother's sister was only 2 years older than me & I never was accepted either as a child or grandchild, at that point my uncle had 3 girls & my grandmother always said she had 3 grandchildren not 4. I am now 76 but her harsh words over the years have never left me. Luckily my dad's family loved me.
Load More Replies... My 9 yo at the time felt it when my aunt made dresses and gave presents to my niece in front of my child, she came to me and asked why my aunt dosnt like her, my ex aunt now... all kids know and feel when there been treated differently... YTA.... and mom is a HUGE A$$
I really wife is leaving OP. I know I would’ve packed my bags. Your child should never be singled out like they’re not family if you’re married.
The step grandmother is entitled to not make the stepkid a stocking. However the mother is also entitled to not take her child somewhere they don't feel welcome. If the stepfather wants the whole family to spend Christmas together he needs to ask his mother to include his stepchild in the Christmas celebration as part of the family.
The grandmother is entitled to stick a carrot up her a*s, doesn’t make it a good idea. She has now permanently created a rift between herself and the wife, her own son and his wife. This will affect any relationship with future ‘blood’ grandkids if the wife sticks around to have any, which she shouldn’t.
Load More Replies... This is awful! A nine year old CHILD hasn't, after 3 years "earned' his stocking? Your mom is a shrew, and you're backing her. I wouldn't go either. Ever again.
"I don't feel comfortable to put a sock up for a child that does not carry my genes, so I rather hurt a child at Christmas" Wtf is wrong with some people. YTA and your mom is an even bigger one.
"I'm more comfortable with the potential to psychologically damage a child than I am sucking it up and hanging up a damn sock".
Load More Replies... Yeah, my mil apparently never accepted me or my daughter fully. Never bothered to congratulate her on earning her doctorate or getting married. She was excluded from the will because as my a*****e bil put it, the estate was left to the other five grandchildren that "sprang from their loins" ewww. Never told my daughter about it, never will.
Yuk. Sounds like you're daughter is doing pretty great though. Pat yourself on the back, you raised a smart successful kid
Load More Replies... If your step son isn't treated like a son by you, you shouldn't be treated like father by him.
I met my grandma and grandad when I was three, when my mum met my dad. They treated me and my brother exactly the same as their "real" grandkids and I appreciated it then and I appreciate it even more as an adult with hindsight. I wasn't really in touch with my "real" paternal family and their love and contact was very sporadic, and then petered out into nothing. But no matter, as I'm far too busy hanging out with my 90yo G'ma anyway lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again; DNA is not what makes a family. This poor child will, however, feel they are being treated like an outsider. Kids are not stupid, so maybe have a real think before you absolutely mess with this child's mind and feelings?!
I'll keep this very vague to protect the innocent... a family member had an affair which resulted in a child. The couple has stayed together and they are making the child apart of their family, I and the rest of the extended family have welcomed the child into our hearts and this will be the child's first Christmas. We all bought gifts for the child along with gifts for the rest of the family. It's really not hard, the sins of the parent don't fall on the child and even though the child is too young to remember right now they will never be excluded.
This reminds me of a much happier story I read on a knitting forum years ago. One of the knitters there used to knit sweaters for her family, saying that "every stitch says 'I love you.'" One year her daughter adopted a little girl. That Christmas, when the adopted child opened the box from Grandma containing the hand-knit sweater, she burst into tears. When she finally calmed down enough to talk, she kept repeating "Grandma loves me! Grandma loves me!!" And that's what the stocking is about, when you get right down to it. Is the stepson part of the family, or not?
Symbolic acts of love - or exclusion - are felt most deeply. 💞
Load More Replies... Had it happen. Six years old. I was so excited until I realized. I was beyond crushed. It's been 49 years ago and I still remember grandma and her "big surprise" that she ruined Christmas for everyone with. This kid has known her for awhile, the biggest awhile in his life, probably 4+ years. She is grandma Grinch. I'm going hot and cold all over just remembering how it felt! Don't fn do this to kids! ( My grandpa didn't know that it was going to happen and he blew his stack . Took me out for giant peppermint sticks and all kinds of stuff. I don't know how he got it to happen, but he did! Thanks pa!)
YTA! You AND your uncomfortable mother. Do you not want a good relationship with your stepson? Because he will remember being excluded by your mother, and the fact that you didn’t stand up for him. Only 3 years is a long time in his life - exactly how long does your mother need to feel comfortable not excluding an innocent child? Unbelievable….and you think your wife is the problem? Shame on you!
OP is DEFINITELY the AH. So, what, step children aren't considered "real" children in this family? This reminds me of my dad's relationship with my half-sister. She is his stepdaughter, but she has always called him "Dad" because her bio dad was never in the picture. She had my niece almost 25 years ago (his first grandchild), but he considers my brother's daughter (who is 7) his "first" grandchild. Yes, he's an a*****e for that, and I make sure he knows because my sister does not deserve to be treated like that. Step children should be considered on the same level as bio children, full stop. This man and his mother are selfish AH's. I'm actually legitimately mad at this.
I absolutely despise people like this. The step-dad and the grandmother. It's such a small gesture to make a 9 year old kid feel welcome into your family (which he is now a part of, as his mother married into the family), and yet these two people are so unwilling to make the tiniest gesture, that they're perfectly okay with hurting a kid. It's a damn sock with a kid's name on it. Who will it hurt to have it? The grandmother isn't "comfortable" with it? What is there to be comfortable with?? There is so much more for the poor step-son to lose than there is for the grandmother, but she and her son are putting her little emotions first.
YTA Even if they got married a week before Christmas, he should have been included. My friend, when we were growing up had a stocking on fireplace. It's beyond me how someone could leave out a child is now part of your family.
YTA because he's 9 and how sad that would be for him up to realize the people he love don't feel the same way about him.
Most DEFINITELY TAH as is your Mom. If it's been 3 years, he was 6 years old when he was forced to join this horrid family. Do you think he understands they are awful a******s? Not yet maybe, but he will. Why does she feel "uncomfortable"? Because she's a jerk. He's A CHILD for goodness sake. You guys obviously don't "love" him. You need to step up and be a man and not a p***y momma's boy.
The mother-in-law is really a b***h, the wife is right not to go. The husband is the one being ridiculous. Some stories don't even seem true.
Unfortunately, however this story is completely possible. Some humans just suk.
Load More Replies... This hits way too close to home. In my case it was the step father who refused to acknowledge me as equal to his kids - always had birthday and christmas gifts for his own kids but not me. Wasn't even shy about excluding me - never had to explain cuz everyone silently accepted that Im not his so why should he give me anything. I wish my mother had stood up for me as this lady did. It left me years of scars into adulthood where I would find fault in myself each time I was treated unfairly compared to others and thought the behaviour was totally justified. I was taught all my childhood that it's ok to exclude me from things. Kudos to this lady for stepping up for her kid, because I know first hand not all mothers would.
I understand the feeling of being singled out. I'm allergic to fish and my dad's family loves to fry fish. Every single time that they wanted to do that, I had to stay home. I wanted to spend time with my family, but because of my allergy I couldn't. I always wondered why they would fry fish, knowing that I couldn't be around that smell.
YTA And anyone defending him and his mom's behavior is too. "He has REAL grandparents. Let THEM love him" is all you're really saying. You're straight up saying he's not welcome and not loved. And trust me, anyone who's stumbled on any of my tales about growing up understand I know a thing or two about being unwelcomed and unloved.
I temporarily fostered a child (privately). She was treated the same as my children by all the extended family whilst she was with us because we are adults and she was a child who needed to feel cared for. I wouldn't of accepted anything less for her.
I screwed up one year and got my two kids slippers from Santa (they were fuzzy and super cute!). My stepdaughter was sad because Santa didn't bring her cute, fuzzy slippers. I quick shipped slippers to my house and wrote a note from Santa that explained that they had fallen out of his bag and he found them in the bottom of his sleigh when he got back to the North Pole. She LOVED those damn slippers!
At least you corrected the matter, and picked an adorable way to do it. Hope you and your stepdaughter had a great relationship from there.
Load More Replies... I’ve been that kid. Let me tell you the absolute mind f**k this is to a ~8-9 year old. If the mother and the dad were just dating, that’s one thing, but even then.. it’s a stocking. But they’re married ffs. Even year 1, that kid gets included like any other grandkid or none of us show up. End of story.
My Mom includes every single SO and child, whether married or not.
Load More Replies... My grandson has a new girlfriend we have not met her yet, she has 2 children. We have invited them for Christmas if they have no other plans, if they come there will be presents for them all & they will be made welcome. One of my other grandsons has brought a friend in the past who would otherwise have been on his own, he was made welcome & given a present. I am with the wife on this how can you not include a step grandchild, its such a hurtful thing to do.
Sure, the grandmother does not have to get a stocking for her step-grandson. But neither does the wife and child have to spend Christmas there with people who are not making them feel welcome. If her son is not considered family (and there is no other explanation here for this exclusion from what has been said), why should she consider them family either? Poor kid being excluded, hope his mum makes sure he has a lovely christmas and that he doesn't feel left out
Someone needs to take classes on how to be a husband and stepfather, then put his foot up his mother’s a**. He CHOSE to marry this boy’s mother and be his stepfather, and he needs to stand up for HIS FAMILY and teach his mother and other extended family how to treat them.
My fiancés' mother made me a stocking for the first Christmas I spent with them. We'd only been dating a year at the time but it was the first Chirstmas, save one previous, that I hadn't been with my family. It made me feel so welcome. I can't imagine exluding and alienating a child, after three years, on Christmas. This man is insensitive and his mother needs to lean the real spirit of Christmas: good will to all[men]
When I had been with my now husband, not even engaged yet, but living together, we went to see his parents over Christmas. They had a stocking for me and quite a few gifts too. I felt so loved and welcomed.
Load More Replies... Your mum is clearly queen of the A*s, you are clearly Prince A*e, if you cannot see that you are clearly a chip off of the block.
Easy YTA in my opinion. You look at situations like this from the perspective of the CHILD. It is always the child’s feelings first in situations where they are innocent and are along for the ride. If you single out a child during a Christmas tradition, with a family that he is now a part of with no say of his own, than you are an AH. My mother became a step grandmother to 5 small children, while already having 6 of her own and not having super close relationships w the step GKs, but you know what she did? Christmas came around and she had 5 new stockings made for them because you do not exclude children. If the grandma is so dang uncomfortable let her have her stupid stockings, but the mom doesn’t have to uncomfortable and bring her excluded son to the event. I’d die on that hill too.
Yeah, YTA, without a doubt and so is your mother. It's been 3 years, when will he be considered part of the family to have the privilege of having one of your mother's precious custom stockings? Your mother is cruel and if you cannot see that, you are as well. Your wife is 100% right. She's not being ridiculous, she's supporting her son which you should also be doing.
What the hell? I once bought a present for the son of an *girlfriend* of one of my brothers. She was in hospital, his bio-dad was away working, so my brother brought him to our Christmas get-together. It was a lame gift, because I only learned he'd be coming at the last minute, but I didn't want him to sit there watching everyone else get something and not him. I can't imagine being this cruel to a stepchild of three year's standing.
Does the exclusion of the stocking also mean the stepson doesn't receive any Christmas presents? That's the way my husband's family treated his step kids. Now they're old enough to decide whether or not to go and watch everyone else gets presents and not them, they absolutely refuse to go because they literally HATE his family and consider them evil. It hurts to be excluded.
Yes it does. And it doesn't matter what age you are. Though of course, it's worse when it's a child.
Load More Replies... His mother behaves like she'd been asked to include the boy in her will not hang on up a stocking! And why am I not surprised, that even that behavior gets ntas? Yes you can choose to behave like that (her house, her choice whom she cares for and all) but then you are most definitely TH
There is so much that is missing. He says he and the wife have been together for 3 years but this is the first time the wife has heard of this tradition? Has the wife and son never been to the husband's family holidays? Has the grandmother even met the wife and child?
I mean, if they got together in 2019... Last year we didn't get to have a Christmas because my at-home test came back as inconclusive. I spent Christmas locked in my room, my mother in hers. Grandma at her own house, etc.
Load More Replies... I don't give this marriage 1 year let alone 3 more years. When you married your wife, she came with a package deal. Your mom is an AH and so are you. This is damaging to your marriage too. You are talking about a 9 yr. old. What does it take to make you and you mom know that this is real damaging to a kid. You better look at the big picture. You will lose your wife and that" STEPCHILD" too. You don't deserve either one of them. She already knows what will happen now. You don't diss a mom's child. She and the child won't forget either.
He and his mum are both the a**holes. It's not about genetics or decoration, is this kid part of your family or not? No in-between. Can't say we don't accept you but we love you.
You've been together for 3 years and this is just coming up? Feeling comfortable has nothing to do with it. Being human does. Kid should have had a stocking from the first Christmas he celebrated with the family. Shame on all of you for treating this kid poorly.
When I first read the headline for this article, I thought MIL was a little cold, but not unreasonable--on the assumption that this couple had only been together few months. When I saw that they had been married for 3 years, my opinion of MIL (and husband) immediately switched to full- blown a**hole. OP is a little vague on what constitutes a "custom" stocking, but as someone who manages a discount store, I can tell you that we sell some very nice stockings for $1. Glitter glue pens to personalize said stocking are $1.50. Candy canes are 10/$1, and various other Christmas candies, toys, and stickers are also available for $1. My point being that you could put together a very nice stocking for about $10 that would make a 9 year old feel happy and included without needing to put him on the same level as the "real" grandkids. Frankly, I would never invite ANY child to my house on Christmas without making sure there is a stocking for them on the mantel and gifts under the tree. YTA!
For anybody in my family, if we were told that a new child was coming, the only things we'd say are 1. What's their name and how is it spelled? 2. What do they like for candy and for toys? 3. Do they have any allergies or sensitivities? Because any decent person ALWAYS thinks of the child's well-being FIRST.
Load More Replies... After 3 years you would think the step dad would feel a sense of responsibility and respect towards the kid. Don't marry someone with kids if you don't want to treat it like your own
This is just weird and unnecessary of the man's mother? I would even get a stocking for a friends kid if they were coming over for Christmas and any other child staying, regardless of who they were, so they don't feel left out. What explanation is that mother going to give her step grandkid when he says ' grandma why haven't I got a stocking with my name on?' 'Oh I'm not comfortable with you yet? ' WTF.
You your mom and anyone else that thinks leaving a kid out on CHRISTMAS of all things is ok - all of y’all are the A’s
My mom likes to get those custom towels/clothes that you can get your name on. I am transgender, so I had a couple of things with my dead name on them. Anyway, the first time she got me a custom towel with my new name on it, "Andrew". I was ecstatic. No, I didn't want a f*****g towel, but I felt accepted and just really happy. It's just a towel, but it meant a lot more. Ya know?
Note: the stepson is 9 years old. Imagine defending your mother’s right to be arbitrarily cruel to a 9 year old. This guy’s a complete a**hole.
Husband is absolutely an AH as is his mother. Exclude a child. Really? Do they think he won’t notice? Won’t compare? Won’t feel hurt that his name is on display like the other beloved Grands? He’s part of the family now and should never be made to feel as if he’s not. Stepdad is a coward. Step grandmother might as well be the wicked stepmother. And mom’s exactly right in standing up for her kid to be treated as family at FAMILY holiday events.
Knowing how she and her son feel, she needs to stand her ground. Happened to my kids with their own blood grandmother. They are adults now, but still talk about how hurtful it was.
Someone wise once said, "Share the gospel, and, if necessary, use words.". The same applies to showing love to someone, especially a parent, spouse, or child. Sure, grandma SAYS she loves her step-grandson, but does she ACTUALLY show it? And while it's "just a stocking" to OP, he's missing the point that, to the stepson, it's a symbol of his place in this family. I can only imagine how the boy feels every Christmas when he goes to grandma's house and he sees the stockings for everyone else but him. Mom is right to press this issue! It's been THREE YEARS!! Granny needs to "put on her big girl pants", and make a REAL effort to make this boy feel welcome in this family, and OP needs to stand by his wife and kid!!
Sounds like the kind of person who never really loves a stepchild but the parent is hot enough to put up with it and also he needs someone to help with his own
Family is who you love. Not who happened to be born in the same bloodline. Your mom does not love your wife or your stepson. They are not considered family. And it’s sad you are not siding with your wife. YATA
I'm foster mum. Everytime we have some new/old/short-time/long-time child staying with us during Holidays, we make all same things for all the kids. They have personalized Chritmas calendars etc. Grandparents also always give similar presents to own and bonus grandkids, which is nice and they are doing it without any conversation. Also when older kids bring their partners for Christmas dinner, I make name plates etc. and have some gifts to them even we sometimes meet first time then.
I feel like this stocking symbolizes more about their intention than anything else... Oh IF I feel comfortable then I'll hang one. So, it has to be earned somehow? What has to happen here? If the Step-Grandma and Step-Dad of this boy really intended to welcome him in they'd hang that dang stocking the first year and do everything they could to make him feel included, because their intention would be clear that they'd want him to feel accepted. I think it shows that they don't really care about him and they are just putting up with him being around. They don't really intend to care for him like they would a biological grandchild (who by the way would have a stocking perhaps even before being born.). What needs to happen here are apologies and they need to spend time with this kid and build a relationship with him and repair the hurt he's likely already been feeling for years. But they probably won't do that because they probably want him to be excluded, they just won't admit it.
YTA I went through this same scenario except it was about recognizing my children's birthdays. They are CHILDREN but, they know when they are be excluded. This was also a hill I chose to die on, if my husband wasn't going to say something I certainly had no issue letting them know how I felt. My children weren't found under a rock! They have birthdays as well and should receive gifts, just like their step brother. Your mom doesn't LOVE your stepson, she ACCEPTS him,that's all. If she loves him INCLUDE him. Shame on you for not taking your wife and stepsons side in this. This IS your family you are supposed to protect them,even their feelings.
What your mother is really doing is giving the other grands license to exclude this boy and treat him as less than. What a tremendously horrible life lesson to allow these other grands to witness. They will grow into the same cold, excluding, cliquie moron as grandma AND YOU A*****E!!
YTA because you chose your mother's decision over your wife and stepson. She's completely right and not talking to you either because you are a complete jerk. A 9-year-old kid is not going to quote "understand " that some old fossil can't wrap their head around accepting him as part of the family. He will always feel ostracized and you fed into that. You're creating a monster in your own future that you're going to have to deal with. I hope you're able to deal with the consequences, that you have the money to deal with the legal fees when your stepsons alienation leads to a life of crime, depression or drug use, and maybe even your impending divorce. Why don't you go and read about people who don't get accepted into their families and what the future is like for them. I guess you just would rather throw your wife and stepson in front of the bus instead of having to deal with your mother and her terrible decision. What would Jesus do?
I can tell every single one of those comments that agreed with this moron were men. How do people knowingly hurt a child by exclusion? "We like you, but you're not family."
This is about singling out a *child* at a family event. I can't fathom this. My step daughter was 18 when I married her dad, and if my parents had named Christmas stockings for everyone but her, I'd die on that hill too even though my step daughter is an adult. It's a not-subtle statement that the step grandchild "isn't family". This is totally about grandma's feelings toward the kid, and possibly the wife (maybe hoping they will go away?). Embroidered stockings aren't that expensive. This guy needs to decide if he really understood that marrying someone with a child is gaining a child he needs to love and stand up for.
NTA but he is a moron for marrying a woman who's already whelped out a crumbsnatcher that isn't his. As far as wifie is concerned, the guy is always going to take a back seat to her little darling. He'd better cut bait and run don't walk to the nearest exit. Oh, and he also needs to tell his mom to kiss 100% of his rosy red a*s for her attitude.
I was this child. It did suck. It felt like everyone was loved and cherished and I wasn't. Everyone was opening theirs gifts, and I watched. Excluded. Yeah. He's the a*****e.
Just plain sad. And completely disrespectful of the child and your wife. Talk about feeling unwanted! 🥶😢And of course your wife will side with her child, she loves him and has been there when his father wasn't in the picture. Who's going to explain why your family doesn't want him to be part of this tradition?
He is definitely TA along with his Mother... insane how he can't see that especially at 9 years old when they're young to still believe in all the magic of Xmas and old enough to know that their name STILL ISN'T on the mantle with all her other Grand Kids.....
First of all, if I was this woman, I would've left him over making my son feel like he was nothing. Dude needs to grow a pair of balls or he might not have a family next Christmas around and the grandmother is a piece of work too. Smh, that's just damn sad.
You're mom is an AH and that you cant see why puts you on her level. Wth is your empathy? Would you be cool with.your kids being.left out and ostercized by your wife's family? I cant get my head around this. Why is your.mom being so precious and mean girling a kid. Nope nope nope. That might be a deal breaker for me.
This a*****e man learned too well at his mother's knee. I would divorce the a*****e before he and his family emotionally abuses her son anymore.
What's wrong with people who refuse a little gesture out of stubbornness that would make an innocent child happy? Sorry, massive lack of empathy here! Granny and OP are the a******s
He's not seeing that this is gonna cause some serious issues down the road, because the kid is gonna feel like he doesn't have a place in his so-called "family".
A question - this is their 3rd year together... what happened years one and two? How is this only an issue now, or did they not see grandma the other two years (I do realize this thing called Covid put a crimp in a lot of gatherings, mine included). That said, how could he not be the a*****e in this scenario? I'm assuming, since it's natural behaviour, that he's telling the story with the slant of making himself look as good as possible, and, by extension, his mother, in which case, he's an even bigger one than I'd thought. No, he can't dictate what his mother does - but if he can't advocate for his wife and son (there is no "stepson", you either own parenthood or GTFO), then he shouldn't have married her. My youngest was two when I met his mother. He's our son, period, he was part of the package when we met and getting married didn't change that. Gah, I need to get off these threads. :P
TBF, pandemic or not, not everyone can make it to family during the holidays. For whatever reason, this seems to be the first year attending the holidays there to not know about the "decoration snafu". Yep, absolutely TAH.
Load More Replies... OPs mother doesn’t have to consider the stepchild as her grandchild but should have the decency to not purposely exclude this kid. She is definitely trying to send a message to the kid and his mother that they are not welcome in the family.
YTA & you ARE blind. Your mum is consciously & maliciously being cold & cruel to a 9 yr old. Fixing the lad a stocking & stuffing it isn't a big deal. I've 6 steps & 5 step grands- I wouldn't DREAM of pulling a petty, cunty, stupid, & purely mean stunt like that. OP's wife ought "drop" the whole lotta you. Just yucky! YTA & then some.
Well, if a stocking is such a small and trivial thing, you surely can hang it so the kid doesn't feel excluded, no? it's not a difficult thing to do, especially for a child you claim to love.
I have two stepchildren and I cannot imagine how I would have felt if my family would have excluded them. My family is the opposite. They all rolled out the welcome wagon even before my husband and I were officially married! My dad surprised me the most by introducing himself as their grandpa and he always treated them as such. My stepson looked up to my dad so much that he followed in my dad's footsteps and became a paramedic. It's worth mentioning that I can't have my own biological children.
It was the same for my stepson when my parents first met him. It was adorable!
Load More Replies... That is so tacky. My step-mom's family accepted me long before marriage, and I was treated no differently BECAUSE I WAS A CHILD. Had I been an adult, it may have been different. Even now, twenty tears after the divorce, when I go for holidays, my step family includes myself, spouse, and children. No one asks, no one cares. I also had a group of family friends who helped raise me. When people said, "She isn't really yours," they would get mad and say, "We raised her, she's ours, get lost." It's disgusting to single out a child.
YTA without a doubt. This is similar to what happened to my grandson. He attended future step family Christmas party and was made to sit and watch all the other kids get presents except him. It's cruel to do something like this to a kid.
I would even hang a stocking for a one-time guest. Maybe not customized, unless I had enough time to get one before the party the child was supposed to come to, but a stocking containing the same or similar things to stockings for other kids.
As someone who has been a step kid who wasn't treated as equally as the 'bio' family, I totally say YTA. Not just because OP doesn't think its a big deal, but because of how they act about it. Why would anyone want to go where they are clearly not welcome and loved? Sheesh. My mother keeps a box in a closet stocked with random things to quickly wrap or toss in a bag for unexpected guests on Christmas. It ain't fancy or personalized, but she ensures even total strangers are made to feel included.
This is a make or break moment for OP. To adults it's not a big deal. In the eyes of a nine year old kid, it's a big stinking deal. Get the boy a stocking for crying out loud. Then tell your mom you won't stand by while she hurts your SONs feelings...if you've had him since he was six, you will be just like a father, and he will remember what you do here. Stand up for him.
When I was 15, I moved in with my father his wife and their daughter. It was a Saturday afternoon and they were going to a wedding. I was dressed up for the wedding, because it was known I was coming that day. So my mom who was in conversation with my father made sure I was appropriately put together. When I got there, I said I'll go and put my dress on, because hair and makeup was done already, my mom's a stylist. My father's wife said I wasn't going, because the invitation said my father and family. I looked to him and his response was, you're a big girl you can stay by yourself for a few hours. I never felt so unwanted, I cried for all those hours. Fast forward to a year later when my father SA'd me. Why, because he didn't see me as family... 🤦🏾♀️ This boy will believe his sted father and step-grandmother don't see him as family and nothing will hurt more...
A heart-breaking story. Hope you have surrounded yourself with people who love and respect you. 🌷
Load More Replies... My mother included her step grandchildren in all our family activities. She made every effort to see no one was ever excluded or treated differently than anyone else. Blood does not make a family, love does. My mom was far from a perfect mom but in this respect, her step grandchildren were loved.. Even when marriages didn’t work out, she kept in touch with those kids. At her funeral, all her step grandkids were as sad as anyone else. Even into adulthood, she was their gramma.. she was great gramma to their kids. Shame on anyone who feels otherwise.
My heart exploded into bits... Can you imagine the heartache of this mom and her kid. Three years of this....I would think this isn't the only time I feel it's the last straw,... Poor kiddo should have 100 grandma's and grandpa's. I'll be his grandma and hang one for him at my house... Fk these people
Buddy just be glad you still have a wife. If I was as stupid as you, I’d be counting my lucky stars to even have one person love me 🙄🙄 if I pulled this s**t, I’d divorce my wife for her sake. You aren’t worthy of being married to. And your family sounds like pure s**t too. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree, your idiot mom raised an idiot son. As a parent probably 20 years younger than you, you make me sick. I’m tired of watching parents 20-30 years older than me act like complete dumpster trash. That’s you. The dumpster trash. Get your s**t together and act like a parent. Ya bum
I wouldn't just not show up to the gathering, I'd let OP know if he does without his wife and kid, I'll be filing for divorce. And stop calling the kid your stepson, for a start. You're his daddy now, unfortunately for him. Your attitude and your mom's RUIN kids lives. Flat out.
As an adult (50 yrold) I was in a situation like this when I was 10. My brother who is younger and all the other kids in my stepdad's family were given a gift and my evil step Grandma intentionally left me out. As a child that hurt me so bad!! The GMA and stepdad in this article are being total a*holes. It's a child why would they choose to be so mean to him. It will scar that poor child and be a memory that will NEVER leave. To this day I go out of my way to get the kids gifts whether they are family or just someone a family member is dating. NO child deserves that kind of treatment. It is horrible to be the one so obviously left out and everybody else was included!! The atero dad and grandma are the a$$es?
I am a step father to two kids for over 10 years. I met them when they were 4 and 7. My mother accepted my *kids from day one. That's how love works.
That’s just weird of the mother to say she’s isn’t comfortable. It’s for a child and it’s a stocking. Kids remember stuff like that - being excluded.
I say the mum and step dad are the arseholes here. They are punishing a child that doesn't know any better. My daughters step mother makes a point to include her in every celebration and her step grandparents have treated her the same way they treat their actual grand children. They would never dream of singling her out. The mother obviously has a problem with the wife and is blaming the child.
I don't understand the NTA comments. How isn't the kid her grandchild? Why does it make a difference which womb he popped out of, or which dude provided the sperm? He is part of the family The guy decided to marry the ladtly and become a father to the kid. I find it just so strange that people are encouraging treating "blood" related children over those brought in by marriage. They are humans, first and foremost, and he's a kid on top of it.
It's sad when adults think that Christmas is for them. Christmas is for the children. I was a step child and I was treated horribly by my step family so I ask you to not do this to your step child.
Yta. I was said step child. It sucks. It follows me into adulthood. I've had a few cry fests over the years wanting to know why I wasn't enough
I've been the step-grandkid in two families since I was 4. One set of grandparents (stepdad's parents) have always treated me like a grandkid (at 38, they still send me a check at Christmas). The other (stepmom's parents) always treated me as an outsider to their family. I was welcome in their home for celebrations of course, but never received a gift or affection of any kind. I was tolerated, but never loved They weren't a fan of my dad, and so my brother and I were very much "less than." It's been decades, my dad and stepmom did ultimately divorce, and while I've moved past it, I still feel it when it crosses my mind. Kids deserve to be loved, blood or not. They're not their parents.
How sad that a 9 year old child is singled out by his stepfather & his stepfather's mother as different & less than the other children in what is now HIS family. If he didn't know before, he knows now that he isn't really a part of the family. Been there. He will never forget.
Once you've adopted a child, he's your child and part of your family. If the grandmother is "uncomfortable" with that, I'd be pretty damned uncomfortable being around her. He's the AH, and so is grandma.
You adn your mom are both AH. This is a 9 year old child. Not having a stocking with his name on it is saying loud and clear that you and your mother do not consider him part of the family. You married his mom. You are his dad and she is his grandmother. Both of you need to grow the eff up and realize the emotional harm that is being done to that little boy. Yes YTA and so is your mother.
Have you heard, Christmas is for kids? Kids are sensitive to feeling left out. He's been in this family for 3 years and this woman claims she loves him, NOT SO. She is narrow minded and so is step dad. The boys mother is right to protect him from these selfish, self centered people. If he isn't excepted into the family as extended family then his mom should reevaluate this relationship. The husband should be siding with the wife and go over after the stalkings have been given to the biological kids. Or his mother could make a stalking in the same theme, fill it and hang it as soon as they get there. Anyway, step dad and his mother are very unkind to this child. One last question, if Jesus came to their house would he get a stalking ( remember he's not a biological relative according to their logic).
I have two (kinda) step-kids. I say kinda, as their dad & I aren't married, and they don't live with us - just stay here every other weekend. Honestly, I'm not going to say I love them. It's nothing personal to them, I'm just not a fan of kids in general. After 4 years I still rwally only see them as my partner's kids. That likely won't change. But if my OH wanted to hang stocking with their names on, or any other personalised tradition - Christmas or other times - you bet your life I'd get the best damned personalised stocking I could. It's not hurting me, but it will make the kids happy. And, love them or not, doesn't everyone want kids to be happy??
So why not go to her parents instead. The child needs to go where there is love. Therefore, skip your mom's and go with wife parents. Remember she has parents and maybe it time you spend time with her parents and maybe stepson dna dad parents for child sake. Yes it's awkward. However, it builds memories with child.
At the end of the day it is a child that is the center of the question. Are we not trying to make the world a better place with love? And isn't that what christmas is about, spreading love and joy? By not hanging the stocking, GTA (grandma's the a*****e). Maybe grandma needs some new traditions...
If the grandmother loved this kid, she would get a stocking for him--even if she didn't think this relationship was going to last the long term. She clearly does not think it will and because her son refuses to see how she is excluding this child, I would say she is right.
Your mother is Not a good Christian! Children should be loved equally... what is her problem? Time to rethink how much time you should spend with mom, I would put my foot down and say this or the highway!! Absolutely disgusting at best.
You're hanging up something for A DAY, not signing over your house to the kid. Hopefully the first words out of the other kids' mouths are, "Where's XXX's stocking?" and when they hear the explanation they stare at grandma in disbelief.
Judging by the line "when she found out about the tradition mom has", it seems that OP's wife hasn't visiting OP's family when it has been decorated for previous Christmases during the time they've been together. It makes me wonder how well OP's parents/relatives know his wife and child. OP's mom knows her step-grandchild well enough say she love him, but she doesn't feel comfortable with a named stocking, so as alternative to the grandma sucks option, maybe grandma cares for him but doesn't really know him yet? If that's the case, ask her will you be comfortable next year, if yes get a non-custom stocking, tell the kid you grandma is still looking for the 'perfect' one for him, and make damn sure the special custom stocking is up next year; if no, realise grandma is singling out your (step)child. Either way, YTA for not understanding your wife's position.
There was a pandemic during most of this guy’s relationship, maybe it’s the first physical xmas his family has in a while.
Load More Replies... How does he introduce the boy to casual acquaintances, "my son," "my stepson," or "my wife's son"? only one is inclusive.
I'd personally rather see more interesting, artsy or obscure stuff on BP than those endless AITA, Revenge etc- posts. Half of them probably fake and as it seems the new "xy as Disney Princess" .
Just skip over the threads that don't please you. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, forcing you to.
Load More Replies... What are these "stockings" like? as an artist I can tell you some can be a LOT of work! offer to make and bring one to hang while the step child is there
YTA, your mother EITHER loves her step son, or is not yet comfortable including him. I promise you it is not both. "I love him just not comfortable including him", that's what is ridiculous! Since she didn't include him I think that answers the question. You are right your mother can decorate her home as she sees fit, but your wife has the right not to bring your son somewhere that he is excluded, treated as an outsider. How your mom can treat a child that way regardless of any feelings or resentments she has is beyond me. And, your wife is right, you are completely blind to the situation. I grew up being told I wasn't part of the new blended family and that feeling has followed me my whole life.
Why are they even married. This is petty. I would understand if they were dating but they are MARRIED so I'm sure EVERYONE knew about the stepkid. Real talk, the husband probably doesn't feel all the comfortable with the stepkid so he sees no reason to have a simple conversation with his mom. I'm 100% positive if I told my mom how bad this one little thing is really damaging my family my mom's motherly love will win out and the stepkid gets a stocking. I went through something similar and unfortunately when blended families are involved things aren't as streamlined or easy as they should be. But ultimately they are married(not dating) and they are family. It's time mom/grandmother started acting like it.
No one seems to have noted that there were 2 Xmases where there was no stocking for the stepson. Not just this 3rd one. He's probably already traumatized by being left out those times. Shame on the grandmother AND HER stupid, thoughtless son! As a grandparent myself, if my son called me an hour before arriving saying "Mom Im bringing 2 guests, one of whom is a child", I'd be whipping up a stocking for that child pronto! You NEVER treat a child like those 2 morons think is acceptable... NEVER!
I may get in trouble for saying this but Christmas traditions are stupid. Christmas isn't about "traditions" it's about the birth of Christ. What was Christs' life about(?)....INCLUSION. He came for everyone and never excluded anyone. The husband and MIL would do best by remembering that, especially when it comes to children. If the man isn't going to stand up for his "son", he will never really be a father for him.
Shame on her!!! Children have enough to deal with that without being single or feeling left out and this is a family environment at Christmas. Yes, there should definitely be a stocking with his name on it as well. If not, there should be no Christmas at that house with you guys you should have your own family Christmas at your house and Grandma can come there to visit if she wants.,,, this makes me sick to my stomach!!
It’s a small courtesy. Guest May arrive at any time during holiday time . A good host welcomes and make their guest feel at ease , adult and or child . It’s nothing to have a back up stocking and small gifts for those who arrive to enjoy festivities. Be kind.
So consider this what happens if you and your wife have a child this year . Next Christmas will that child have a custom stocking hanging on the fireplace while your step kid will not ? Your answer will confirm who the real AH is...good luck!
You and your mother are horrible people. How is it okay to exclude a 9 year old child?
This dude is a fool, I have two step sons (15,21). I always treated them like family, even when their mom and I were just dating (dated four years, married one year). They may not be biologically mine, but none the less to me they are mine. Luckily for me the majority of my family are like minded and the ones that aren't learned to keep their month's shut real quick😎.
Hubs and Mother ATA. An adult is going to be "uncomfortable" or a child will be devastated to be excluded. Shouldn't be a difficult choice unless the adult is an a**.
It's easy for a Christian to see several levels of evil in this sad story number one being that no character in it is a follower of Jesus Christ. And if the step grandmother/mom, husband, or wife are claimed to be followers, then they are grieving the Holy Spirit who lives inside each follower. We're talking here about a holiday that celebrated the birth of Jesus; CHRISTmas. Such a sad story, especially for a 9 year old child. God bless him and change the hearts of the rest of his family.
This is absolutely horrific! How utterly cruel. It sounds like someone desperately needs a visit from the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. There is, in my personal opinion, absolutely no justification for grandmother and her son. Being left out hurts, plain and simple, irrelevant of age. She's not asking for equal inheritance for her son, it's a bl**dy personalised stocking for Christmas. My heart breaks for the boy and well done mum/wife for standing your ground. Grandma and son best be careful because karma be a heartless bi*ch and there's some real nasty surprises for them next year unless they change their attitudes and pronto.
Absolutely KEY to your story is how OLD is this stepson? And, you left that incredibly important point out of your story, what the heck? Let's assume he was two when you became a family three years ago (what, haven't seen Mom for Christmas in three years???) - staying within this weak story - you can explain to a five year old that this other family has a unique tradition, and he'll get to join in the next time you see them (in three years, apparently) - at age eight he'll really enjoy that Christmas. On the other hand, let's assume he was six when you all became a family (and he didn't ask step-dad how come we never see your family?) At age nine, truly knows he has been excluded. And finally, assume he was 19 when you became a family - at age 22, be happy that he wants to see you and step-mom, and not having a stocking in this quaint tradition probably isn't going to pain him too much!!
He's ignorant to think that this will blow over, he basically said that this child means nothing to his family, and if I was his wife, I'd leave his sorry a$$ for not considering my son's feelings and the mother is a real selfish b to leave the kid out ...they both suck.
He's fortunate his wife is still with him. I would have grabbed my child and walked. Should be no difference between a step dad, father of and adopted child or biological father. Children come to us in different ways and we are entrusted with their care and ensuring they are loved and that includes standing up for them.
Seriously wtf? It's not like it stays up year-round, it's a couple days probably. And this is your WIFE'S child and your stepson of 3 years not the rando kid of some chick you've been f...ing for 3 months. Traditions are about family and this kid IS your family but apparently none of you think he's "family enough" for a s****y little sock with some bells on it. You really are a d*** and so's your mom.
"She called me 'blind ' for not seeing how my family treats her son".... pretty sure there have been more examples before the stocking incident of this family treating this poor boy as not part of the family. You're whole family is TA.
My in laws accepted my two boys (then aged 3 and 4) into their lives almost immediately. In fact, my MIL refused to talk to her own mother because she (the mother) did not approve. (She never got to meet her ggkids - including our two girls who came along a bit later). My in laws have been the BEST grandparents any kid could wish for. Now they have kids of their own who are idolised by their great grandparents. I've been so fortunate. My husband's family are the best.
My oldest child (9) is blonde with green eyes like me and I had 2 more children with my Japanese partner. My mother-in-law was out with the children at a music/dance event at the local temple and they were all dressed in traditional clothes and someone commented on how her step-grandaughter stuck out and mil retorted back "what do you mean? That pretty child obviously favors me the most, she looks just like me with her bright eyes and lovely smile!"
Load More Replies... While the OP's mother has every right not to feel "comfortable" enough to create/hang a stocking for the OP's child, the mother should not feel "comfortable" to accept an invitation to the step-grandmother's house, and the child's step-father should not be comfortable bringing his child to his mother's home. If he loves his wife and his step child he should be disturbed with his mother's behavior.
It's a stocking at Christmas. No one is asking grandma to give the kid a kidney. Jesus was a stepchild. People forget that.
You and your mother are both TA. To be so cold as to not want to include a step grandchild in the tradition is despicable. Your wife has every right to not attend "your" family gatherings. This reminds me of a person I used to work with who when she was still in high school she had a baby, but she married right away after the baby was born, but she didn't marry the baby's father. The man she married was the only dad this girl had known, he even adopted her. But when they would go to his parents for Christmas or other holidays his witch of a mother would never give this girl a present, or anything else the other kids would get because "she is not my biological granddaughter." Can you imagine growing up and being left out of everything and not know why because her parents didn't tell her that he was not her bio dad until she was a senior in high school. So yes I think that anyone who makes a child feel unwelcome in a family is an AH.
Do you know what it's like to be a stepchild? Because if you did, you would know that something like that would make him feel. Yes it's a stocking, but to watch the other kids get thiers and to ask why you didn't get one. What are you going to tell him "oh I'm sorry buddy but my mom's not comfortable with you having one.. Lol yeah jack a*s fix it.
You're a horrible person or superrr blind to human social interaction. I don't know you so it's up in the air as to whether YTA or if YTA and just don't know it due to an inability to see it.
I wonder if grandma scrooge insists the boy call her Mrs so and such
My heart breaks for that child. If 3 years isn't long enough to include him in the "family traditions" he will never be included. I wouldnt go to the party either if I was the mom of that child.. the man's mother is a horrid person and the son (husband and stepdad of the child) is horrid also. Ugh what crappy way to treat a child
Honestly, the child is freaking NINE. How coldhearted is "Grandma"? This man never should have married a woman if he couldn't fully commit to her child. As a grandma and step grandma I make damn sure all my kids, grandkids and great grandkids know I love them absolutely, completely, 100% even if they came to me at different ages and stages. I've been on the other side of this equation. The painful memory of being excluded hasn't diminished six decades later. Stepdad and his wretched mother are being unforgivably unkind.
Mrs OP, get out of this pathetic excuse for a family as soon as possible. Your mil has about as much Christmas spirit as the Boston Strangler and your weak disloyal pathetic husband is unfit to be anyone's father. Be glad it's only three years of your life that you've lost. Do this for your child because your mother-in-law's war on him and you has just begun.
Hey Scrooge: Yeah, YTA for MANY reasons mentioned from several commenters. Your mom had three years to recognize you have a stepson. Three years, sweetie. And she's still not warming up to the kid? You're right, it shouldn't be about a stocking. But it is because your mother declared it so. And she doesn't "love" him, so cut with the BS. And maybe you don't either. Your wife and stepson deserve a better role model.
Uh-huh. You are an a*s hole. But.... it's okay! You mother is the really big a*s hole, because the old b***h should know better. Compared to her, you are merely pond scum. You wife's son ---- you've made it exceedingly clear he is not a part of your family (lucky boy, as your family seems to be hateful bastards!) --- is a child. You and evil-granny are grown ups. What you did was to tell your wife, and her child that well, gosh darn it guffaw a hu huh, "AH. Now, dear, you know I married beneath me... well, beneath my family. So... our marriage probably won't last. Let's not go playing real families." You have to know...... if I were that boys mother, your family would never have to see me again. What a bunch of idiots! It's a stocking. you twat-from-Hell. Grown ups? No. Just really large & limp penises... only bc I'm not able to type P. R. I. C. K. S!!!!!! Does social services know about evil granny?
For any holidays or invites. My sister put up with her crappy behavior, long pat her first child. But my BIL, put his foot down and told her what was what, and in his life, HIS WIFE AND FAMILY, came first. Not her and her toxic behavior. She did stop, but.. now since my BIL passed a few years ago, there are still little jabs her and there to my sister, and her family. We are 4 girls. She says things that have a double meaning, but not outright rude or mean. But.. be we all know, and we are stronger in our love as sisters, and she knows it, and she doesn't misbehave . Also, because my sisters' grown kids, feel the same as their dad did. Don't mess with my mom, or you will not see us and the great grandchildren. So. It's your choice. Kick that bad manipulative behavior to the trash and stand with your family, that YOU CHOSE.
And be loyal to your vows you took with your wife. If your mother can't do this, don't go to the party. Let the family know, you will not stand for this rude and insulting behavior from them, treating your wife and your new son, like they do not belong. The fact no one else in the family is bucking her decision, tells me they are afraid of her and how she will behave if they side with you. Take away her power to intimidate you and your family, and put your feet down, and support your wife and stepson. And in case you were wondering, my sister had to deal with a mother in law like this. She would actually call her son, and if my sister answered, she would hang up. When my BIL finally caught her in her bad act, he sided with my sister, and told her stop. Or no son, no grandchild would be coming to see her.
Attending the party or Christmas celebrations here. His is YOUR FAMILY, THAT YOU CHOSE TO LOVE. Speak to your family and explain how you feel . All at once. I can guarantee, they do not think your mother is being fair, or kind and loving. YOUR MOTHER KNOWS, that this is the woman you chose to love, honor and share your life with, and her child. Her child. Think here...OUR child. You are his step dad. Be a DAD. If your mom, after three years of marriage, and all the time you were dating your wife, planned to marry her, doesn't think this is enough time to bring him into the family, then SHE IS A MANIPULATIVE WOMAN, playing on your loyalties and saying pretty much, FU to your wife. Cut this crud out now. Lay the law down now, and let her know, what family is. If you have a child with her, what will she do? Treat the "real, blood connected new grandchild the same as the others, but still leave out your step son?? So, stop being a DI** and be a man, with a wife and stepson you love,
I bypassed your story, because I felt you really needed to hear this. Listen well, Mr. As*hole. If you have been married to your wife, for THREE YEARS, then your mother has had PLENTY OF TIME, to incorporate her step grandchild, into family traditions!! Your mother is being a manipulative woman, and playing on your loyalties to her and your family, rather than act her age and be an adult! When you marry, and you love her supposedly, then when she needs support like this situation, you had better stand behind her and be on her side. If you want to stay married and happy. F you love your stepson, which you say you do, then it is a FAMILY STANDING ON THE HILL, not just your wife! Be the man here and the adult, and tell your mother, if you cannot include my stepson into family traditions, then we, WE, will not be . Cont.
Fyi, your comments are not and will not be in order depending on the votes. I suggest you number them.
Load More Replies... The writer calls the boy "step son", meaning he himself doesn't consider the child his own... Maybe Mom is waiting for him to adopt the boy before she thinks of him as family? I dunno - pretty hurtful to the boy, either way. You'd think Mom could hang a stocking for 1 day.
YTA. Stepchildren often feel excluded, some are right about it, and some are wrong about it. This is no more than a gesture that, essentially, says "according to Grandma, you're included!", and that is, if they truly love him like one of theirs, not even only not asked too much, it is not asked much whatsoever to begin with. If he's socially a full member of the flock, why not treat him like a member of the flock? Why continue the exclusion, that, it seems, already has taken place here and there, why not decide that this time, this date, it ends - and therefore, of course, there's gonna be a sock going by his name? I don't see any reason not to. If they truly love him like one of them, one of theirs, a peer among peers, and so on. If they don't, however, I doubt the sock would be of major interest anyway, so ... hang it there, treat him like a Grandkid, and don't be a grumpy old shidhead, Gran, he can't do any about his bio father and his social father not being the same person.
Your mum says she loves him but feels uncomfortable putting his name on a stocking in her home? Where is the love then? Her words don't mean s**t, OP. Let her prove her so called love for your stepson.
Let me tell you how even as an adult, my 3 younger siblings & I lost our mom in March this year. Our parents are divorced, our dads been remarried for like 7-8 years. His wife's kids, whom are all adults as well, he goes with her and does 'family' things with them. I'm the only one with kids on my side, & they're all adults now as well (I'm 42, with kids whom are 24,24,22,22 & 19. Also have our first grand baby) however, you wouldn't know that he has kids or grandkids, or even a great grand baby at least on his side! Her kids and grandkids pictures are all over the house. And yes, he's been given pictures, even in frames of everyone. Those frames, have since been reused with pictures from her side. Now, if I feel this way as an adult, how do you think a 9 year old child feels?! Let me add in, one of those 24yo I have with my husband (one was born 1998/12/02, & the other 2022/12/18. Not siblings blood wise. One is his from a previous marriage and one from my previous one.
One-side with your wife. Two-ask you mom to apologize to wife and just do it because he's her new step gran kid. Three- ask mom if she was planning to do it as a surprise? Four- after all the years together mom still hasn't accepted step gran an made a stocking?!? I'd say have your own Xmas at home an just drop out of moms party this year. My grandmom on my dads side did this to my brother. He's from my moms first marriage. She would say "oh the Boy can come" or whatever. Just always said that about him. The boy. So it will affect him feeling like part of the family.
It doesn't even matter that he is the step grandchild. I could NEVER have a child guest at a Christmas gathering and not have the same type of stocking there that I have for any family blood children there. Children need to be a part of the celebration if they are invited and treated equally so they do not feel excluded. Bullying via exclusion is a real and damaging thing and is able to be prosecuted as such in the work place. In this instance we are talking about a 9 year old child. Both the mother and her child are being excluded because she as the adult is made to feel her child is not equal to the others, THIS IS JUST MANIFESTLY WRONG AND EVIL.
In my opinion the wife is totally right. I have some choice words for the mother, but then, it is her house her choice. But the wife protects her child as it should be, husband should realise that.
I want to know what happened, did he realise he was the as*hole? Did the wife attend the party? Did the kid get the stocking?
The question was posted 9 days ago, it's probable the party hasn't happened yet.
Load More Replies... Poor kid. „She’s not comfortable yet” sounds like grandma’s been through this a few times with the dad and is expecting him to get divorced again soon or something. Edit: I mention it because I find it a harsh and strange turn of sentence to use when talking about a grandchild, not because I think it’s a proper excuse to not get the kid a customized sock.
Doesn't matter. We have a stash of "generic teen girl" gifts for when our nephew is dragged along to our Xmas party and may, or may not have a girlfriend in tow. I don't know if this girl even exists this year, certainly don't know her name, but she's damn well going to get a gift and be welcomed in our house.
Load More Replies... YTA and so is your mother. If it's a family tradition and your wife and stepson are truly family (and they should be after three years of marriage), then your nine-year-old stepson should have a stocking too, especially at Christmas. Why can't you see how not being treated like every other family member is going to make that little boy feel excluded and hurt - It's cruel. And I would be willing to bet that this isn't the first time you've chosen your mother over your wife. I find it interesting that you say this is the hill your wife is going to "die" on. That statement is appalling in so many ways. How awful and hurtful and unfaithful of you to not stand by your wife. How many other times has she had to swallow this kind of behavior from your mother? For God's sake, if you love your wife, grow a pair and make your wife and stepson your "real" family and tell your mommy to go pound sand or your marriage might die on the next hill.
Poor kid. Every kid gets a stocking but him? WTF! I'd be crushed. Definitely YTA
NTA not yours wifes tradition and just don't go to the party with your family
Your wife has every right to be hurt 3yesrs you have been in this child's life that means something that child would be so hurt and left out I'm a step parent I would never leave My step child out even my mum sisters brother buy him gifts nd my partner is a stepdad to my daughter I expect the same from him nd my daughter I's never left out she would be hurt but she 11 no filter so she would speaker her mind Ur a jerk grow some tell Ur mum she rude as hell
Well your familly and you are a piece off work... I siding with the wife... But I'm petty i would attend and tell my son to ask about the stoking in front of the family, and than answer - darling you don't have one because we are not family just guests!!! And than pull a stoking of my bag and give it to him... And tell in front of every one but you have your mother here and i brought you one just for you!!! Mery Christmas from your family!!!😉
Its a child. The child comes first. Include them. If this child is not included in this tradition they will never feel accepted. Its a child for Pete's sake.
Hard to see what this looks like in the child's eyes. He's 9. I could see hurt feelings here. I'm 51. My husband and I have been married 24 years. My mother-in-law still doesn't consider me family. I've helped her with so many things and spent more time with her than her own children. I know longer deal with her. Too much deliberate hurt. Can't imagine being 9 dealing with exclusion.
As a Grandmother, I have NO step grandchildren-ONLY grandchildren. I don’t understand how a grandmother can differentiate and not treat all her grandchildren the same. The only thing I can figure is that the husband who reacted so strongly against his wife must show some reluctance to accepting his stepson. Otherwise, why would his mother be so reluctant? Surely she loves her son and wants her son-AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY-to feel loved and accepted. He was definitely wrong to not support his wife and SON!! When you marry, you accept the package deal and after 3 years, that should be a sealed deal. My heart goes out to all of them, but especially the innocent 9 year old who undoubtedly doesn’t understand.
Kudos to the mom for standing up for her child. However; everyone should just know here and now that many families do not accept those in their clan who are not connected either by DNA or a marriage license. SOME don't even accept adopted or fostered kids or step anything. We can gripe and castigated them on sites like AITA or this one but to many. DNA is everything and there is nothing the internet, the law or a child's age can do to reset that clock. In my own clan most accept a stepchild but in certain ways they still acknowledge my stepson is not my " real child" sad, but it is what it is. A SYEP child is a legal vonnection it is not a biological one. Grandma needs to not hang stockings thst alienate any one period.
If the husband think it's only a small thing to start a fight with, then grandma should hang the stockings coz it's "only a small thing' per se. As a child, i never forgot hurtful incidents. This will remain in child's memory.
Oh I am almost positive the actions from step grandma and step dad go beyond the stocking....I bet G'ma is one freaking b!t¢¶
I can’t believe the family would exclude her son. I also can’t believe the husband isn’t 100% behind his wife and stepson. Do these people actually know what Christmas is all about! I can’t say anymore, because it is not very nice.
I noticed how Dad refered to the boy as "my stepkid". Rather telling, methinks !
When I moved in with my boyfriend. I bought stockings for both of us, his son who is 24 from his previous marriage and his dog and his cat! They are all part of my family. His ex-mother-in-law still makes him a stocking every year and sends him Christmas and Birthday cards! Family isn't just blood. The OP is the AH and his mom is an even bigger AH! They have been married 3yrs so Im assuming they have probably been together for 4yrs and she's still not "comfortable" wtf how long does she think it takes? She just doesn't like the wife or her son.
The wife is TA. It is likely the wife had caused the issue herself and grandmother does not take to being dictated to. Personally I would have been more warm to the grandmother and expressed my wishes, no more. It is likely she does not feel the marriage will last and with someone dictating to her...I would feel the same. The 3 year wife sounds like alot more than TA
That child doesn't understand why he's not loved enoughy to have a stocking like the rest of the other grand children. Order him one and put it up when you get there not that hard like damn
The çhild is the one that this stupid situation will harm the most. 3 years? REALLY... She STILL doesn't have a stocking yet? He'll remember this and how it made him feel and never fit in. Just how the dad refers to him as the "step kid". I bet when ýou accept him completely your mom will too.
Christmas is about coming together, making people feel welcome and safe, enjoying family and friends, and getting through the most depressing month on Earth. Good God, put the stocking up. It is a kid that is in a tough situation mentally during the hardest time of the year and probably just wants to feel like he belongs. I would have died on that hill as well and made other plans with my wife and kids. My mother would never dream of doing that in a million years. #immature, #irresponsible, #shameful, #sadistic, #douchy, #narcissistssuckballs
Wow...it's amazing how petty adults can be; he is a child grandmonster. Step dad you need to step up your game and get behind the woman and child that you are supposed to LOVE. Perhaps you got your sense of empathy from your mom's side?
I never get mad over these stories, but omg, this guy, his mom + anyone who says he's NTA is utterly effed up + has a heart 3 sizes too small. Omg.
Shame on him and his mother. How is he saying his mom loves the little boy but feels uncomfortable including him in the same breath? They've been married for 3 years and she's still uncomfortable? I don't blame his wife for protecting her son since his stepfather and stepgrandmother don't seem to care.
I say NTA... not really anyway. I see both sides. The mother is being a mother, but the truth is not everyone has the chip to love someone not of their blood like their own. Obviously the MIL is one of those people. I think she may be fond of the child, but she definitely doesn't love him and she's probably not too crazy about the wife either. But you can't force yourself to love anyone... even a child unfortunately. But she's also not the one who married the wife so she doesn't feel obligated to. A compromise would be for them to bring a stocking for the child and discreetly put it up while they are there and she can take it down when they leave if it bothers her that much.
How petty can your mom be! This is a little boy that came into your life at the tender age of 6 and he is still not considered family? What does it cost for an adult to add a stocking with his name on it and spare him the pain of being left out? This is a child for crying out loud! As a mother, I would do the same as your wife, to protect my child. Your mother needs a lesson on what it means to have a kind and loving heart.
I have a mixed family, and we don’t ever exclude anyone. My youngest sons best friend has a stocking that he came over an decorated with us. He is important to someone I love so important to me. Oldest sons girlfriend, first Christmas with my son, she also has a stocking she came and decorated with us. Step kids, are still kids. And if you aren’t willing to give them all the same love you would your own kid, you shouldn’t have gotten into that relationship.
I seriously don't get this "blood is most important" thing so many people have. Biological, step, adopted, foster, friends... all of these can make a family. LOVE is family. Speaking as someone whose bio relations are toxic af, trust when I say that. Seems OP's wife is waking up to the fact that she and her son are outsiders and are expected to just sit there and smile while it's shoved in their faces. As a mom with a little girl who's almost nine, I'd boycott, too. Nobody is going to make my child feel "less than."
YTA and so is your mom. This boy was 6 when he came into the family. Now, three years later, your mom doesn't feel comfortable getting him a freaking stocking? What kind of monster is she??? I buy for little kids that I am 100% NOT related to! Your wife is 110% right to refuse to attend Christmas and watch her child be excluded. She'd also be 110% correct in divorcing you because you didn't support her and her child and decided to make excuses for "mommy dearest"! Man up and tell your mom her exclusionary BS is not acceptable and if your stepson doesn't get a sock, she can scratch your name off the guest list! I cannot believe I have to tell a full grown "man" this!!!
Anyone who said not the a*****e is for sure one And yes this a hill for mom to die on. no one would ever get to dis include mine
YES ABSOLUTELY YATA .Both you and your mother should think about how that little kid will feel when everyone gets one but them .. they will be hurt and think they are unloved,it's unfair and MEAN JUST PLAIN MEAN...
What do these people mean by "not her grandson" bc I'm pretty sure that's the default setting when you marry a person that has children. You may choose not to accept this child as your grandchild, but that doesn't make them "not your grandchild" just bc they are step children. Your child married this person and their child was part of the deal. They chose this to be their family which makes them part of your extended family for better or worse, yet you choose the child to alienate... Why not just say what you really mean? "I didn't want you to marry this person that already has children so I'm going to make a point to exclude them." The fact that he's so oblivious to the snub speaks volumes. She definitely should've married someone that was willing to love and accept her child as their own bc he does not or he would've found a solution or refused to come as well.
I say YTA & Your mother is too! I was the older stepchild and had a brother & sister. (1/2 to me) I never knew the words step or half belonged in any of my relationships w/family til I figured it out as a teen. My grandparents treated all of us the same. We never had family discussions that most likely your stepchild has had to hear! 😭😭😭 Whatta a way for an adult's pettiness to hurt and burden a child... And his own stepdad for agreeing and fighting about it! Whatta a way to breed insecurity in him, a sudden awareness that his "dad" doesn't think a stocking is good enough for him. If mom was smart, she would see this lack of genuine love and seek counseling for your marriage and her boy immediately. This makes me heartsick I hope our world today is not filled with more people like you who only look for the paths of no resistance. Good job to mom. THIS IS EXACTLY THE HILL SHE SHOULD CHOOSE TO DIE ON. DO NOT GO WHERE YOUR CHILD IS NOT WELCOME.
After reading many comments. I have to wonder why we as a society call any child step. If married it should be son or daughter no matter what. Exclusion is still exclusion and that what step going
Your mom is not comfortable? Imagine this 9 yo boy on Christmas sees all the other kids have stockings with names but him. He's a step kid. He can deduct he is not accepted. You are an a*s for not standing up to your snowflake of a mom. To your wife: make your own stocking for your son. Make it over the top and make sure the MIL knows she over stepped.
No it's not ridiculous, that is if you're whole intention is to just exclude this kid from everything then you're definitely on the right track. I'd get used to not spending Christmas with your wife, because I don't think she's gonna be around for the next one.
Maybe the wife has to be a narcissist that has cheated on the son before the mother feels comfortable enough making a personalized stocking for her and the child right away? Thankfully, I didn't have to cheat to get a stocking for my son and myself, but we did have to wait longer than the others. 😂
OP's wife has every right to ask if her son can be included by having a custom stocking made. But she can NOT force it. No matter what anyone else says you can not force someone to do something they aren't comfortable with. If OP's mother isn't comfortable enough to make a stocking for his step-son then that's on his mother. It's HER decision. Honestly, this entire situation is moronic at best. It's a stocking and people are acting like children over a difference in opinion.
How can an ADULT do something that hurts a CHILD and be okay with it? A stocking's such a SIMPLE thing, but the gesture of including him could mean the WORLD to that little boy! I'm a grown-up, and being excluded hurts MY feelings. Imagine how a 9-year old would feel to see everyone else's name except his? My dad had me, my brother, and sister with my mom. He had another girl with my stepmother. Even though we NEVER called her our HALF sister and love her DEARLY, she said she always felt left out because we talked about events before she was born or relatives on our mom's side that she didn't know. I can't imagine how she'd feel if we hadn't made sure to include her & let her know how much we love her. Today, my brother's married to a girl who had twin boys before they met. They're not my STEP nephews. I love them JUST as if they were my blood. They call me "Lala" like my other nieces & nephews. In our family, there are no half, step, or full members. Give that sweet boy a stocking!
Yep: you are the a**hole here. Your mother is a piece of work, too. Either the stepchild is a full family member or he isn't. YOU need to put your foot down and defend this child. TODAY. Your mother is using divisive tactics for some reason on this issue. Find out why and stop her nonsense.
See here is where I have a slight difference in opinion from the norm. I have a family member who does this same thing but she hand sews the stockings with a lot of detail, so this is one thing where I think I see the point the Gma might be making. See if it's a financial commitment that she's worried about or the time and effort she may not have right now. If so maybe you could explore an option where your wife could pick something out or make special that gets hung up special for him. I always celebrated with my cousins and they got personalized stocking made by there grandma not on my side and I got to pick out my own tinkerbell stocking and the A to embellish it. I think you could think about something like that as a possible compromise. If Gma isn't willing to give them that then yes YTA. And also you are for sure the jerk for telling your wife she's overreacting. I think your mom may not be an a*****e depending on what the situation is and the compromise she's willing to do.
As the step child who didn't get a stocking because I wasn't "real family" I can promise you this is hateful venom directed at a child who also "isn't comfortable" with being in the family yet. That's what parents and the family are supposed to do : make sure the step child knows they are loved, welcome and no different than anyone else. Eff these people. Child or not, you never forget this rejection. If a stocking is this big of an issue, I promise the favoritism and pettiness will get worse as the kid gets older. It's something you never forget. Kudos for being a Momma Bear and protecting your kid.
They could start their own tradition... wouldn't it be that "easy"? So the grandma is uncomfortable...the husband, wife, and wife's son could do something special together that makes the kid feel loved . Who needs a family like that if they're just going to exclude a kid? Build your own traditions, I say 😉 problem solved
You and your mom are a**holes. You married a woman with a child. You chose to make this child your own in doing so. Your family should include him the same as the other kids even if they have more attachment to your biological children. Your wife must be the one who is blind and not you because you not reaching down and pulling your balls out of you a** and standing up for your family really just shows what kind of person you are. If the kid hasn't been accepted in 3 years he never will be. And that's from you, your mom, or your other kids. He deserves better than you and your grinch of a mom.
It's embarrassing for the child not to be included stuff like that stays with you. If it was my child I'd refuse to go too that way my child knows they are the most important to someone.
YTA. If after 3 years you and your family can't include your CHILD (step or not) into family traditions then you definitely don't deserve him or his mother in your life. You all basically CHOSE to exclude him. Shame on you.
I was in a relationship with a woman who had a daughter. I had no kids of my own, and my mom was very welcoming of my new step child. We had been together for almost 10yrs before we decided to get married. My mom decided to hand a stocking at Christmas to help her feel included in the family for the holidays. Needless to say the marriage fell apart and the daughter is as ungrateful as her mother. It was a good show of faith at the time but did now good in the long run. I don't blame him for reacting how he did, or the mom for wanting to keep a tradition.
Why make some 9 yo feel excluded? Granny needs to give in a make a stupid stocking
My mom got stockinga for her step grandchild the year my brother married their mother. She always spent equally on them for birthdays and Christmas. What would this grandmother lose by getting her step grandchild a stocking? Nothing, and it would mean a lot to the child. Ridiculous.
I’ve been that kid. It’s not fun. He’s DEFINITELY the a**hole in this situation.
When my adult children are in a serious relationship I make a stocking for their significant other. How hard can that be, such little effort it takes, and such a welcoming gesture. My now DIL said she cried when she saw I had done that for her. Sorry man you and your family suck.
My cousin once said "the only steps we have in this family are the ones that let you into the home." He had stepchildren from prior marriages and still loved them when things didn't work out with his exes.
Rarely do I comment on these but my gawd…. Something isn’t right… I wouldn’t stay quite if my parent thought it ok to single out my SO’s child.. the way my mouth and attitude is set up…… you and your mother are a*****e’s 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I'm 45 and going to my friends moms house foe Christmas. I've met her parents one time. They got me gifts. How in TF can anyone not include a 9 year old at Christmas??? I feel sorry for that lady and her son. That is cold blooded and I'd not be surprised if the moms New Year Resolution is to get a divorce from this insensitive A@#$!@e. Wow!
As both a bonus Mom and a bonus kid I call bs on Grandma Dearest and the son/ bonus Dad!!! His wife and bonus child come first. If Granny Dearest can’t be inclusionary to a CHILD then wife and kiddo shouldn’t go where they aren’t welcomed with open arms!!! My “step” Grandma ( and she would never have used “step” where I was concerned) loved me more than some of my biological family!!! Shame on Dad/Son for not standing up for his wife and bonus kiddo!!! My Mom included my bonus daughter in EVERYTHING even before my husband and I got married!!!
The boy has been in the family since he was 6. Now he is only 9. Why would anyone deliberately want to exclude a 9 year old? YMITAH
Could you imagine if I didnt consider my step daughters as my daughters & I purposely made it a point to tell them that they're not? That's what the grandma is doing. The ppl saying "he's not your grandson" ..... wtf are you talking about & where are you getting that she either doesn't know the kid or has only let him a few times? It literally doesn't say that in this story. Sounds to me like y'all are fucken pieces of s**t who would exclude a literal child from Xmas traditions just because you're bitter, miserable psychos who can't love a child as your own just because you don't share blood. I hope to god none of you are step parents or step grandparents cause this is disgusting!!!!!! It's been 3 years. If you don't see that child as your own... you never will. You should NEVER be with someone who has kids if you can't see yourself loving that kid as if it's your own kid! Also, wtf would make you act like that? Get help. You're the a*****e 200% & so are the ppl who agree w/you!
Growing up my grandmother hand knitted our stockings, and when my mom remarried and gain two step kids, she also made thiers as well. For a family member to single out a child one that they knew since they were 6, is sad. All the mom wanted was her child to be the same and treated like the other grandkids.
What has happened for the past 2 years? Is this just now happening on year 3? Everyone should be included or no one should…it hurts the kid.
I was so surprised so many felt the same way I do..its cruel to the child not to be included. I know first hand what rejection feels like. You will feel like you are never good enough for anyone. It hurts a child's self esteem when excluded. Thank God I had a loving step grandma. SHE accepted me even more than my STEP DAD. Wow.. I just don't understand why a GRANDMA..being step or NOT would not want to embrace this child with loving arms wide open. Makes you wonder how his step dad feels about him if his step grandma is like that. What a sad example. I wish the best for this little kid. I'd get him his own stocking myself if I could lol
YTA. It's your wife's son? She absolutely was right to want to spend her day with her son rather than those who don't want to acknowledge that he is NOW family. He became family the day you said I do. Shame on you for making her feel like she HAD to choose her son over you and your family. She is simply a mom wanting her son to not feel the sting of being unwanted. He is a kid and the only thing he will see is you and your family rejecting him. You didn't just slight her but her child. A mother won't ever forget that. If I had a step grandchild, I would bloody make sure I made that child feel part of the family. I would love that kid like my own. He/She would not be treated any differently.
What I got from that is the grandma doesn't know the definition of love. The husband and grandmother need to look up the definition. If I was the wife/mother I wouldn't go to ANY holiday get together she throws. That must make that kid feel like s**t. Getting close to that grandma just to hear she doesn't love you enough to hang a stocking. Husband and grandma are s**t humans.
Once they're married into the family, guess what? They're family! And doing things differently with them than the other grandkids will be an obvious sign to them that they are not like the others and maybe don't belong. Why can't the mom just add another stocking??? It's literally one more and will mean so much to the two additional family members.
OH, H3LL F@#KING NO. JUST NO. NO WAY. I AM YELLING AT HIS WIFE TO GET OUT OF THAT SHAM MARRIAGE NOW. AS IN PACK YOUR THINGS INTO YOUR CAR AND THEN GO TO THE COURT AND FILE FOR DIVORCE TODAY. THIS AFTER THREE YEARS?!? AND THE DUDE TOOK HIS MOM'S SIDE ARE YOU FOR REAL?!? SHAME ON HIM. DEFINITELY YTA. This reminds me of a Dear Abby column I read where a family was asking if they were in the wrong for objecting to a guy bringing his wife of one year to a family gathering. Dear Abby took the definitive stance that the family definitely YTA and slammed them for mistreating the wife. Dear Abby stated that the ONLY case where it would maybe be acceptable to not invite a partner was if the guy had had a string of short-term (i.e., 3 month or less) romantic flings. THREE F@#KING YEARS?!? AND IT IS NOT EVEN THE WIFE BUT THE CHILD??? SHAME ON THE DUDE AND HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.
Either accept him into the family as an equal or risk losing them altogether and shame on you dadif you don't agree.
My mom would have got him a stocking. She makes sure to include all kids that come around and treat them as family. It's not the kids fault that the marriage didn't work out and he is the only person that suffers in all of this. How crappy to see everyone else get a stocking. I would have made my own for him if I was the wife and smirk while he opens it and it's wayyyyy cooler than everyone else's.🤣🤣🤣 but I guess I can be petty like that
You are the a-hole and so is your mom. You are also a terrible husband and step-father. When you marry a woman with kids, those kids become your kids. As a man you should always go to bat for your family, even if it's against your parents. My wife has kids from her previous marriage and I don't even refer to them as step-kids...they are my kids and I love them just as much as if they were my own blood. If my parents refused to treat them equally I would drop my parents like a hot potato. Luckily, my parents aren't garbage people and treat them as though they were always blood kin. The fact that your mother wants to exclude and hurt the feelings of a child makes her a sociopath and your refusal to stand up to her makes you a coward. Your wife is being a good mother for refusing to subject her child to a situation that will make him feel exiled and unwanted. I hope to God she divorces you and finds a real man. It's time to turn in your man card, it is officially revoked
Excluding your stepson is wrong. There is no middle ground with kids. They are either welcome with open arms, treated the same as all children, or they are made to feel like they don't matter. The fact that you are not standing up and being a real man is appalling. You have a chance to do the right thing. DO THE RIGHT THING.
I was my the stepchild to my brother's dad's family, and even at 9 years old I knew I wasn't family even if I loved them as such and had known them since I was 2. To me, that was my dad until he told me he didn't want me around anymore (this happened over his ex gf). I remember similar things during Christmas, I didn't get a stocking on the wall, I got one present that I wasn't even interested in (I asked for art supplies every year and got a barbie) while my sibling and cousins got literal mountains of gifts. They got stocking stuffers, and if they remembered me, mine was empty. At 9 years old, you notice A LOT in those situations, it's not just a sock on the wall it's him being INCLUDED IN THE FAMILY, and he'll blatantly see that he's not. Your wife calls you blind because you are. You don't see just how damaging that "sock on a wall" is to him after 3 years of loving your mom as his grandma and knowing she doesn't feel that same love for him as her grandson.
As a women who came from split parents and was the step grand child , I disagree with the Step Dad do u no how it feels to be kept out as a child, I remember my Step Family not even getting me a gift and having my sister who is fully there's get gifts , my mom wouldn't let my sister open them until I wasn't there , it's a stalking and I see your wife point of view , to walk into a home where they have a tradition and not be part of it was very upsetting as a kid and I still remember it to this day .
I have dozens of first cousins. Only three of them are biological. The others are either adopted or from second marriages. If there's one thing my family has attempted to do, year after year after year, it's to treat all family like family. We don't always succeed, but little things like including everybody in hung stockings is incredibly important. The symbolism is more important than what's in the stocking. It's not about decorations. This guy is completely missing the point.
This is what insane. The clear message to the child is that he doesn't belong. He has been in this man's life since he was six. Six is tiny. He will grow up into a man with few to no memories of any other father if this marriage survives, but he will remember that he wasn't good enough for a Christmas stocking. This idiot needs to drop the 'step' and realize that this is his son. Grandma is perfectly comfortable mistreating his son because for three bloody years dad has been sending the message that it is okay. And if you think the kid doesn't notice, believe me, you're wrong.
YTA - I need her side on this. Imagine being hurt because your son is being excluded and your husband calling you "ridiculous". Lovely.
One of the biggest lies ever told is, "Blood makes you family." No blood makes you related; loyalty, love and trust makes you family. Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile & who love you no matter what. May we never forget who Christmas is really about.
YTA. Imagine your wife having to tell her son "I'm sorry, but after 3 years, they still don't consider you family." My ex used to spend Christmas with his step Dads parents at Christmas and sit and watch while all of the "REAL" Grandkids got gifts and he got nothing. He went home in tears year after year and would cry while asking his Mom "why dont they love me?" If you and your Mom are really okay with your stepson feeling this way, knowing that your mother is the cause.....yes you are DEFINITELY both a**holes.
YTA and so is your side of the family Ill be disappointed to be related to anyone who treat a child like this
How terrible for this 9 year old to show up at this so called family's home and all the kids get a stocking but he doesn't, what is wrong with this man's mother that she would even think this was ok I completely agree with the young boys mom and I would not go either to her home, because she's really saying I don't except step grandchildren because they aren't mine. Grow up step dad and see what your mother is doing here and grow some
I married a man with 2 boys, my mom immediately told them to call her grandma. That was it, she had a multitude of grandchildren and great grandchildren but she welcomed those boys with love. When she passed they were included in her obituary. This is how its done.
Man, this is making me grateful for how open and accepting my family is towards my convoluted blended family. My sister and I both married men with kids but have no children of our own, and Mom and Dad dove headlong into the grandparent role. My stepson has always had a stocking hung over the fireplace at Christmas. It's not even a question - that's just what you do. My stepson has my parents as stepgrandparents, two grandmas, one grandpa, and one other stepgrandpa, and they all also fully embrace that grandparent life. And then going one further convoluted step, my husband has two ex-stepdaughters who are his son's half sisters, and ever since we've been together we've tried to make sure to have a dinner with them as well because, well, why not? The more the merrier.
Definitely, YTA. And so is your mom. Step-dad to 4 kids for a decade now, so I know first hand. It is not that kids fault his family had problems. It is not his fault his mom and you got married. Treating him like a second class citizen just bc"she doesn't feel comfortable yet...?" What the hell is that?!?! Sounds to me like your mom thinks this is a temporary marriage. He will always feel like an outsider. Always. And this will prove him right. To you, to your mom, it's just a stocking. To him and his mother, it's exclusion. It's him being an outcast in his own home. Right now he and your wide are hearing that you won't go to bat for them "over a sock." Her desire to not come if her son isn't welcome is more than reasonable. At least someone loves that kid.
As a host, it's your duty to make your guests feel welcome. It's not even about whose kid is whose. It's about not being a spiteful host. If you're inviting people into your home, you accommodate them. Personally, I'd have a stocking for every child, whether they're my own child, or the child of a co-worker's third cousin no one has ever met. And, yeah. Protecting your child from bullying is mom's job, so she shouldn't expose her child to that pettiness. Husband seems to have ASPD traits to not see how hateful his mother is being.
The whole family sounds like a******s. This is another example of how people have fukd up x-mass and why I hate the holiday.
Three years. And the man is still describing the child, as his wife's son. If he hasn't welcomed him into his family wholly yet. It isn't going to happen. This is ridiculous. He is the a*****e. The grandmother is the a*****e. She needs to know she isn't in charge of the household anymore. Maybe put her in a home.
It would never occur to me to leave a child out of the festivities even if my son/daughter brought a companion with a child with out me having met them. There WOULD BE a stocking even if I had to marker on a name at the last minute. How utterly cruel of that grandmother. That husband should refuse to attend also in support of his 'step wife' & stepson. Thoughtless, Jerk, a*****e, moron, fuckup are only a few of the derogatory words I have for him!
You’d be getting divorce papers from me. Clearly you and your family have a serious lack of caring and empathy. How the woman ever married you and brought her son into a situation where you obviously are incapable of loving or supporting either one of them is beyond me. You and your mother are deplorable! Oh, and I seriously doubt your wife wants her son “hanged” along side the other stockings lmao, omg…
The little step-child is just a baby. Just like Jesus was. Nobody buys the Virgin Birth story, I'm sure least of all Joseph, so he was like a little step-child too. Just be loving and kind. Its all it takes.
The thing is that people confuse "AITA" with "Is this illegal?" Yes, it's perfectly legal and in her right to do whatever she wants in her own house. But it still makes her an AH.
I hate this B.S. How cannot know this sort of thing before marrying someone.
Hes not her grandson, hes your step son. But after 3 years, read the room. Your mom doesnt want to give him a stocking. I bet you she feels like its 2 worlds colliding and she might think your marriage wont last. Tell your wife to take her a*s to the store, get the kid a stocking, hang it up in your house and start your own tradition. The world isnt going to stop because he doesnt have a stocking at your mothers house. Fill one and take it over there for him to feel included with the GKs on xmas day. And tell the wife to quitcherbitchin.
I suspect that this guy is just trolling. No one can be that stupid. I think this is some kind of made up clickbait story. I belive that there are people sadistic enogh exclude a child like that. But I find it hard to belive that someone is stupid enogh to ask internet for an opinion about his evil action.
Couple of people are the AH, some more than others. First, your wife for insisting my your mother do something to include her son. I wonder if it's the wife that is also making this an issue, and there isn't already some sort of tension between the wife and MIL. Second, the OP's mom is being petty and an AH because it is about the grandchild. Heck, even if they weren't married and were guests at a home for the holidays, some people are kind enough to make a special stocking for the guest child so they can feel similar joy. It's not that hard, and it brings joy. Third, the OP is an AH because he has no backbone. Dude, stand up for your family! Adult problems and using kids as pawns.
Excellent contributing comment. What would we do if you weren't here to explain? /s
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