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Man Skips Out On Helping Postpartum SIL, Leaves New Wife Behind And Goes On Honeymoon Alone
Honeymoons are the best way for new couples to connect and enjoy a stress-free time together. After spending probably months planning a wedding, most people are just glad to go somewhere beautiful and have a great trip with each other.
But what would you do if your new partner skipped out on your honeymoon and then got mad at you for going alone? This unfortunate situation happened to a man whose wife sidelined him in favor of her sister. He explained everything that went down, and people immediately called it a red flag.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Guy goes on honeymoon without his wife because she decided to stay in another city with her sister, who had given birth; he enjoyed every moment, but she got mad
Image credits: marymarkevich (not the actual photo)
The poster’s wife, Tonya, practically raised her sister, Marie, so when Marie gave birth to her baby girl, Tonya immediately went to be by her side after her wedding reception
Image credits: DC Studio (not the actual photo)
The newlyweds were supposed to go on their honeymoon 2 days after their marriage, but Tonya wanted to be with her sister instead of going on the trip
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
The guy mentioned that the tickets were non-refundable, insurance would not cover the cancellation, and he had taken 2 weeks off for the events, so he decided to go alone
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The poster enjoyed every activity possible on his honeymoon trip, but when he returned, Tonya was upset, and her friends thought he was a jerk for going
Image credits: Hot-Fly-1091
He felt conflicted about whether he should have gone or just stayed home and played video games while waiting for his wife to return
The author gave people an insight into his wife’s close relationship with her sister. He said that Tonya had cared for Marie since their mom passed away and dad remarried. They almost have a mother-daughter bond and are very close to one another. So when Marie went into premature labor at the poster’s wedding, Tonya felt like she needed to be by her side.
Marie gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The poster told commenters that the baby was just over a month premature and weighed a little under four pounds. She, therefore, had to be placed in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). It’s possible that the knowledge of her niece being put under special care and her sister going through such a vulnerable time made Tonya feel like she needed to be there to help out.
Unfortunately for the man, this meant they would not go on their honeymoon. But he mentioned that the tickets were non-refundable, insurance would not cover it, and that he had taken 2 weeks off for his wedding and honeymoon. So he made the decision to go alone. This ticked Tonya off, and she became angry at him even though she was the one who had not made her new husband a priority. Also, it’s important to note that when partners value their family over their spouse, it can cause huge rifts in the relationship.
The poster told commenters, “I like Marie well enough. And I’m sure I will love my niece. But I spent more on our wedding and honeymoon than I did on my last car. If my wife asked me to give my car to her sister, should I do that because family is more important than money?” It’s clear that Tonya keeps prioritizing her sister over her new husband. Therapists say that when partners keep getting sidelined for their spouse’s family, it’s important to open the lines of communication. Only if both people work toward a mutually beneficial resolution can there be a chance of things working out.
Image credits: Asad Photo Maldives (not the actual photo)
It’s also possible that Tonya felt guilty or worried when Marie gave birth because she had such a close bond with her sister. But missing out on her honeymoon to be in a different city where she couldn’t even do much to help her sister did not make much sense. It’s not healthy when people go to great lengths for their family at the cost of their main relationship. However, Tonya did not seem to recognize the consequences of her actions and instead was mad at her husband.
On the other hand, her new husband had tried his best to make her family feel welcome. He told netizens that “we had our wedding in her hometown specifically so her sister could attend. My family and friends had to come from Colorado to Iowa for my wedding. I went out of my way to accommodate her family.” The problem with this is that their relationship kept being one-sided and that although he ranked her as the most important person in his life, she did not do the same for him.
A marriage can only work if each partner knows that they come first for the other. If one person keeps running off to do their parents’ or siblings’ bidding, it will create a sense of distrust and even harm the relationship. In such cases, couples should make an effort to hear each other out and peacefully find ways to prioritize each other.
The poster told netizens that he would keep them updated on what happened once his wife was back. Although it seemed like their relationship was hanging in the balance, at least the guy got a good trip out of it. People were divided on who was truly a jerk in the situation. What do you think? Let us know in the comments.
Many people straight up told the poster to get his marriage annulled while others felt that the wife was not a jerk for rushing to be by her sister’s side
What do you think ?
ginshun 1 year ago
What a stupid situation. The wife really couldn't wait 2 weeks to go see her sister and the new baby, even when she knew it was going to waste the thousands of dollars that a two week vacation had already cost them? Honestly, what else was the husband supposed to do? Just waste the vacation and sit at home alone? This is one helluva start to a marriage. *cringe*
Paul C 1 year ago
It sounds like the new wife thinks of herself more as a mother to her sister than a wife to her husband. Given this is likely to be a marriage between two older people i.e. not early 20s (the wife was old enough to raise her sister), I'm amazed at the lack of maturity in failing to communicate with each other. That's a big problem already with the marriage.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
Seems more like she wouldn't listen and decided herself. Op would probably have better luck talking to a brick wall.
Load More Replies...
ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
I understand why the wife felt she needed to be there for her sister. I really do. But then she can't turn around and be mad at OP for going on the trip. In fact, she should have expected him to go on the trip and told him to enjoy it. Regardless, this will have a deep impact on their relationship and is a hell of a way to start a marriage. If it's to last, they'll really have to get to the bottom of how these decisions were made and why before they can move forward.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
Or they could have acted like a married couple and compromised with a week helping sis and a week on vacation...
Leo Mix 1 year ago
The sister as a MIL,FIL, a damn husband what more support those she need? If the wife continue running to her sister playing Mommy all the time I wonder how long this marriage is going to last.
Load More Replies... The Big Bad 1 year ago
If my baby was in the ICU I would really have needed my mother. Other family is not the same. The sister is the only mom she has, I fully understand and would've done the same. I would hope my partner would've understand. At the same time, I would support him in at least enjoying the vacation alone. And hoping the baby would be okay, so I could go a bit later.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
The commentor that said they're enmeshed is right. To send your newlywed husband 600 miless home by himself to skip an expensive nonrefundable trip because she doesn't have healthy boundaries with her sister that has plenty of other support is a very bad sign for the OPs marriage. He, and their own possible children, will likely always be deprioritized and cut out. If she "raised" her younger sister after their mom died then she was parentifyed and probably has some seriously unresolved trauma and codependency going on.
MR 1 year ago
He should be made he went on his honeymoon alone. Oh, she's unhappy? Has she actually thought about what she expected him to do? She sent him home. You're married. You're supposed to prioritize your new spouse. There was literally nothing you could do for this child or her sister. It's not too late for an annulment. And while I don't like jumping to that end, come on. This is a huge red flag.
Joyce Brown 1 year ago
I don't think anyone is wrong here. I believe that most guys tend to brush off and downplay health issues they don't realize are serious. He still wasnt wrong to go alone on the vacation they paid for. I believe that the new bride acted like the mom she is. Still in all, she is a mom first, a wife second. It sounds like he didn't realize the gravity of that relationship until this happened. What it boils down to... Will she prioritize her marriage after this crisis is over? (I don't think so) Will he communicate clearly with her what his needs are, again, after this crisis is over, and let her know how much he is willing to compromise in the future? This is really the whole thing in a nutshell.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago
I agree with the person saying that he should just move on because he’s never going to come first. She will always pick her sister over him.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
Oh I love being single. Significantly less general f*ckery
LAS 1 year ago
I had my baby 2 months early, he spent 6 weeks in NICU, I spent most of the first 2 weeks there as well, feeding him, holding him, just watching his chest go up and down. And the only person allowed in there with me was my husband, all I needed when I got home each night was a warm meal, a hot shower and a comfy bed, all of which my husband was able to provide for me. The bride needs to cut the umbilical code already and live her own life.
Little Miss Lady 1 year ago
When you need marriage counseling at the beginning of your marriage, that's not a good sign. Probably not too late for an annulment. Sorry, OP. Also, definitely NTA.
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
Oh boy this isn't going to last, they have two totally different aims in life.
Crafty mama 1 year ago
You are in a VERY difficult situation. Your new wife has made it clear where her priorities lie. You will possibly always be secund to her sister. Get martial counseling NOW! Before purchase of property and PLEASE before children of your own
Fart Barfunkle 1 year ago
NTA. This marriage is doomed. Her skipping the honeymoon is crazy, but not as crazy as her being mad that you didn’t stay home twiddling your thumbs. RUN.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
This guy is TA. The baby wasn’t tiny but perfectly healthy. Four pound babies that are perfectly healthy don’t spend two plus weeks in NICU. Tonya is there because her sister, who just had a premature baby still in intensive care, wants her there and needs her there. In fact, Tonya would be the a*****e if she said “can’t do it, tickets are non refundable, let me know if the baby dies!” This guy is the a*****e for his complete lack of understanding.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I’m guessing you read a different post from the one everyone else read. He is being called an AH by his wife’s friends because he went on their honeymoon without her and she has a problem with it. There was no room at her sister’s house for him to stay with his new wife but she insisted on being there and therefore separate from him. His choices were to stay at home alone or go on the honeymoon alone. He chose to go on the honeymoon. He didn’t ask her to abandon her sister even though he mentioned that she and the baby are in the hospital with lots of other support. He is not lacking in understanding. His wife and her friends are. Read it again.
Load More Replies...
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
What is there to understand? His wife expected him to sit at home, waste his vacation time, and do nothing the entire time she was away. Wife has control issues, she wants everyone to await her pleasure. Sister was in no danger, had tons of support, baby was fine, But she had to go and stick her oar in. I wonder if sister even wanted her there? Wifey just WENT.
Load More Replies...
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Her sister was NOT intensely ill. He was not invited to the sister's for one thing. His wife decided to go, for another. So he was supposed to sit at home waiting for when wife decides to come home? SIL was in NO danger, the baby was fine, there was absolutely no reason for the wife to go there.
Load More Replies...
ginshun 1 year ago
What a stupid situation. The wife really couldn't wait 2 weeks to go see her sister and the new baby, even when she knew it was going to waste the thousands of dollars that a two week vacation had already cost them? Honestly, what else was the husband supposed to do? Just waste the vacation and sit at home alone? This is one helluva start to a marriage. *cringe*
Paul C 1 year ago
It sounds like the new wife thinks of herself more as a mother to her sister than a wife to her husband. Given this is likely to be a marriage between two older people i.e. not early 20s (the wife was old enough to raise her sister), I'm amazed at the lack of maturity in failing to communicate with each other. That's a big problem already with the marriage.
Justin Smith 1 year ago
Seems more like she wouldn't listen and decided herself. Op would probably have better luck talking to a brick wall.
Load More Replies... ConstantlyJon 1 year ago
I understand why the wife felt she needed to be there for her sister. I really do. But then she can't turn around and be mad at OP for going on the trip. In fact, she should have expected him to go on the trip and told him to enjoy it. Regardless, this will have a deep impact on their relationship and is a hell of a way to start a marriage. If it's to last, they'll really have to get to the bottom of how these decisions were made and why before they can move forward.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
Or they could have acted like a married couple and compromised with a week helping sis and a week on vacation...
Leo Mix 1 year ago
The sister as a MIL,FIL, a damn husband what more support those she need? If the wife continue running to her sister playing Mommy all the time I wonder how long this marriage is going to last.
Load More Replies... The Big Bad 1 year ago
If my baby was in the ICU I would really have needed my mother. Other family is not the same. The sister is the only mom she has, I fully understand and would've done the same. I would hope my partner would've understand. At the same time, I would support him in at least enjoying the vacation alone. And hoping the baby would be okay, so I could go a bit later.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
The commentor that said they're enmeshed is right. To send your newlywed husband 600 miless home by himself to skip an expensive nonrefundable trip because she doesn't have healthy boundaries with her sister that has plenty of other support is a very bad sign for the OPs marriage. He, and their own possible children, will likely always be deprioritized and cut out. If she "raised" her younger sister after their mom died then she was parentifyed and probably has some seriously unresolved trauma and codependency going on.
MR 1 year ago
He should be made he went on his honeymoon alone. Oh, she's unhappy? Has she actually thought about what she expected him to do? She sent him home. You're married. You're supposed to prioritize your new spouse. There was literally nothing you could do for this child or her sister. It's not too late for an annulment. And while I don't like jumping to that end, come on. This is a huge red flag.
Joyce Brown 1 year ago
I don't think anyone is wrong here. I believe that most guys tend to brush off and downplay health issues they don't realize are serious. He still wasnt wrong to go alone on the vacation they paid for. I believe that the new bride acted like the mom she is. Still in all, she is a mom first, a wife second. It sounds like he didn't realize the gravity of that relationship until this happened. What it boils down to... Will she prioritize her marriage after this crisis is over? (I don't think so) Will he communicate clearly with her what his needs are, again, after this crisis is over, and let her know how much he is willing to compromise in the future? This is really the whole thing in a nutshell.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago
I agree with the person saying that he should just move on because he’s never going to come first. She will always pick her sister over him.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
Oh I love being single. Significantly less general f*ckery
LAS 1 year ago
I had my baby 2 months early, he spent 6 weeks in NICU, I spent most of the first 2 weeks there as well, feeding him, holding him, just watching his chest go up and down. And the only person allowed in there with me was my husband, all I needed when I got home each night was a warm meal, a hot shower and a comfy bed, all of which my husband was able to provide for me. The bride needs to cut the umbilical code already and live her own life.
Little Miss Lady 1 year ago
When you need marriage counseling at the beginning of your marriage, that's not a good sign. Probably not too late for an annulment. Sorry, OP. Also, definitely NTA.
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
Oh boy this isn't going to last, they have two totally different aims in life.
Crafty mama 1 year ago
You are in a VERY difficult situation. Your new wife has made it clear where her priorities lie. You will possibly always be secund to her sister. Get martial counseling NOW! Before purchase of property and PLEASE before children of your own
Fart Barfunkle 1 year ago
NTA. This marriage is doomed. Her skipping the honeymoon is crazy, but not as crazy as her being mad that you didn’t stay home twiddling your thumbs. RUN.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
This guy is TA. The baby wasn’t tiny but perfectly healthy. Four pound babies that are perfectly healthy don’t spend two plus weeks in NICU. Tonya is there because her sister, who just had a premature baby still in intensive care, wants her there and needs her there. In fact, Tonya would be the a*****e if she said “can’t do it, tickets are non refundable, let me know if the baby dies!” This guy is the a*****e for his complete lack of understanding.
Chez2202 1 year ago
I’m guessing you read a different post from the one everyone else read. He is being called an AH by his wife’s friends because he went on their honeymoon without her and she has a problem with it. There was no room at her sister’s house for him to stay with his new wife but she insisted on being there and therefore separate from him. His choices were to stay at home alone or go on the honeymoon alone. He chose to go on the honeymoon. He didn’t ask her to abandon her sister even though he mentioned that she and the baby are in the hospital with lots of other support. He is not lacking in understanding. His wife and her friends are. Read it again.
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
What is there to understand? His wife expected him to sit at home, waste his vacation time, and do nothing the entire time she was away. Wife has control issues, she wants everyone to await her pleasure. Sister was in no danger, had tons of support, baby was fine, But she had to go and stick her oar in. I wonder if sister even wanted her there? Wifey just WENT.
Load More Replies... Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Her sister was NOT intensely ill. He was not invited to the sister's for one thing. His wife decided to go, for another. So he was supposed to sit at home waiting for when wife decides to come home? SIL was in NO danger, the baby was fine, there was absolutely no reason for the wife to go there.
Load More Replies... 
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