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Bride’s Family Turns Against Her After She Refuses To Give Up Her Wedding Date For Brother’s Shotgun Wedding
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Bride’s Family Turns Against Her After She Refuses To Give Up Her Wedding Date For Brother’s Shotgun Wedding

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Modern wedding preparation is not an easy job. People often take many months to book the location, photographer, invitation cards, etc. Now imagine you are expected to change the date in just 3 weeks’ time.

This is what happened to a Reddit user named u/Date2021_Oct after being engaged for two years, as her brother decided to have his shotgun wedding the same day as her. The whole situation sparked a family drama and, surprisingly, the OP ended up being the one expected to change her wedding date.

More info: Reddit

When organizing an important event, it’s always hard to choose a date which suits all the most important guests

Image credits: Lee Haywood

A Reddit user asked the internet if she is wrong for not postponing her wedding after her brother chose the same date for his own wedding

Image credits: Date2021_Oct

As it turns out, the OP’s brother’s girlfriend is pregnant and their parents want them to get married ASAP

Image credits: Date2021_Oct

Since these siblings have always had bad blood, the brother decided to get married the same day as his sister

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Image credits: Date2021_Oct

Her brother implied OP should change the date, and their parents agreed

Image credits: Date2021_Oct

The OP tried to explain to her mother how difficult it would be to postpone the wedding, but it didn’t change her mind

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Image credits: Date2021_Oct

Her parents warned her that if she refuses to change the date, then she shouldn’t expect them to come to her wedding

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Image credits: Date2021_Oct

Commenters had some interesting things to say about the situation

OP responded, explaining her feelings towards the situation

Many commenters are trying to imagine being in OP’s shoes and agreed that she is not in the wrong

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lifeartphoto avatar
TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They treat their own daughter like that and most likely go to church every Sunday thinking they are the best Christians in the world, while judging everyone else.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the nice version of my first reaction to the parents! Mine was much more profane.

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carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is horrible. First, the brother is a sh!t, then the parents take his side and expect the daughter to change the date? What a rotten family. That poor girl. I hope she gets married anyway and cuts out her family even if it's really hard to cut them out. Aaaw this story made me mad and sad at the same time.

anvime avatar
Burs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hope that her in laws are nice people and adopt her into the family

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leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those wondering "Is this true?"... IN 1991, my sister's funeral was scheduled for a Friday. Our cousin, whose wedding was the next day, *complained loudly at the funeral* that my sister's death "took attention off (her) special day". Yes, these people exist. I still remember her voice, gnawing through our grief, whining about her wedding, while my sister lay there in her coffin. Yeah, they exist. No, I have not spoken to that creature since that day, and no, I don't feel regret. She sure as he** didn't.

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. No one would want to cause a scene, but the temptation to loudly say"sorry my sister being dead is an inconvenience for you" would be hard to resist.

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davd2222 avatar
David Andrews
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple, she should go on as planned and have the wedding she has planned for the last 2 years, and paid for. If members of her family choose to not go to her wedding after commiting to it and having know for at least a year when it was, that's their choice and why would you want them there. Her parents can't be stupid enough to not know what her brother was doing, and Should have nipped in the bud any suggestion of the same date as soon as it was raised. They clearly created the sh*t that is her brother and are still pandering to him and reinforcing his sh*tty behaviour. Have your wedding with the people who actually care about you and want to spend that day with you

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It must be hard to give up on your parents entirely though. Poor woman. I think she needs to write them (and the rest of the relatives who have to choose) a nice long letter explaining her situation and the financial cost it would be to her to move it, hope you can still make my wedding somehow, etc. No accusations, just being polite and sticking to the facts (ie, being the grown up). Then get the rsvps in and invite a shitload of fun people to fill the gaps. Oh, and slap the most gorgeous wedding photos all over social media.

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leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people are why "christian" is such a terrible word for so many.

bumblebee_4 avatar
bumble bee
Community Member
2 years ago

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So this ONE family speaks and represents a whole faith that has been around for 2000 years? That has over it's entire time over a trillion people doing and giving this world immense goodness, charity is all ruined by these three people? If that is the case EVERY think in this world is no better

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valisbourne avatar
Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their loss. The fact that her fiance did not go to her family with her about this shows how they consider him, let alone how they consider her. Toxic family can and should be pruned from your life. Just be careful not to prune any family branches that aren't toxic in the process.

lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps she shouldn't bother talking to her parents in the future, if they show her so little care and concern. You do not have to have a relationship with toxic family members solely because they're family.

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can just imagine though, that the parents would ensure she was tormented for years to come. They might go to the same church, so that would become impossible. Sideways looks from everyone there, especially if her parents are "respected" in the church - which being so "oh my god, you're pregnant, you must get married" suggests they'd be popular there. Then there'd be the family that they bitched to who, if still getting on with the bride, would no doubt feel the need to tell her all about it.

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beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nuclear option: OP announces that she is also pregnant and therefore cannot change the wedding date. Then she "loses" the pregnancy once the sh!tty brother picks a different date.

elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He did you a favor. You are seeing where their loyalties lie and you have the opportunity to make some decisions about your priorities from here on out.

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where these stories come from... But easy solution. Keep the date. It's yours. Don't feel sorry for not having your family there, it's their choice. I wish you all the best, trust me, it's better to have people on your wedding who want to be there, not those who are obligated to attend because they're family.

marcyvernon avatar
Me
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd ignore and have the wedding. Who comes is who comes. The day is for you and Adam.

alexanderneil avatar
Alexander Neil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - I would have no difficulty in writing them off. That may sound blithe, but considering the outrageous demands you are better off not having more controlling and continuous BS in the future.

zs_laszloova avatar
LittleMissPanda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where TF are people getting all these shitty families from? Like seriously. I am disgusted. Mine might not be the most perfect family either, we are all quite different, temperamental and can get into heated arguments but hell we'll have each others' back and support each other to the grave despite our differences...

rdougherty666 avatar
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard to comprehend as my family, for all their weirdness, are decent people. But if anyone pulled that s*** on me, they'd be gone.

seamusharper_1 avatar
Alaska
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Um is the brothers name Ross or Tim? Such a contradiction makes the story seem fake.

reptilegirl30 avatar
Tacos Are Tasty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like an easy choice. She should not change her wedding date and she should go on to exclude the family members who sided with her asshole brother from her life until they can prove that they deserve to be included. I'm sorry that her family is so shitty and just because they're blood doesn't mean she should be subjected to their selfishness. She's better off without them.

randolph_croft avatar
Randolph Croft
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she caves and gives up her wedding date, money, efforts, etc, she'll set a precedent where anything like this happens again, they'll do it to her again. They win. She loses. Moving a wedding date is a nightmare because all the guests who want to attend have to recalibrate their own lives all over again. And this will happen every time the family has an issue. Forever. On the other hand, if she just says something like 'Oh, well. I'll miss you" and moves on with her plans, she'll have defined a boundary that will alienate further her own family. Again, she loses. But I'd vote for the latter - kick 'em to the curb, it'll hurt, but it'll be healthier in the long run.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so clear which child they favor and it's always the disappointment kid. I don't get it. How could the brother be this spiteful?

benlensgraf avatar
Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds exactly like the kind of crap fundamentalist Christians would do.

manuelamartins avatar
Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd call their bluff and the people who'd turn up on my wedding day are probably the ones I should consider my friends. This is exactly the type of Christians Jesus would be ashamed of.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all WHY do you want your "family" at your wedding? They, obviously, don't want to be there. Get married without them, you are NOT losing anything but a bunch of control freaks. This has, like just about everything else, come down to POWER and CONTROL. Ignore them. They, obviously, don't consider you important so why are you wasting a moment on them? They are all assholes. The ONLY important thing is your groom and YOUR life. Your "family" doesn't care about you. You are so lucky to find this out now. I would be there and bless you. ON THE OTHER HAND, if you really, really want to get back at them, show up at your brother's wedding wearing YOUR wedding dress and bringing all your wedding guests.

jpwoodman1980 avatar
JP
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that sounds about right. The total misogyny of religion. There isn't a religion in the world that doesn't put men above women. They reduce women to barefoot, pregnant and submissive...i.e. not worth anything. Drop the family and drop the religion. Her life will be much better without either one.

mariancochran avatar
Me Oh My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On one hand, spreading the word about the fact that "Tim"'s wedding is a shotgun wedding would just cause more drama, but on the other hand, the repercussions for "Tim" would be well deserved because he's a bitchy little brat.

annelouise-bidstrup avatar
AnnaBanana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say goodbye to your family of arseholes and go enjoy your wedding day.

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're 'very' Christian so to them lying is the obvious way forward (fiancée: "your parents chose the date")? Well OK then. Time to loose ballast.

queenmiri avatar
QueenMiri
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Get rid of that family. They don't care about you at all. It might hurt but you don't need people in your life who mistreat you. That's toxic. Also, saying "if you want us to be there you move the date". Excuse me?! If they want to be there they come. End of the story. It's your day.

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so ridiculously horrible that I'm having trouble believing it. If it's true, it's just so awful. The parents want an October wedding, but can't see how literally any other day of the month would work. If they said that she shouldn't blame them for not attending her wedding if she doesn't change the date, then the cold truth is probably that they're not worth having at the wedding in the first place. But then, that's easy for me to say. It's her bloody parents.

tilliebird avatar
G
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest takeaway is how toxic the entire family is. I really hope OP's partner's family are good people and OP is able to get whatever support they need to recognize that their family is not a healthy thing to be a part of and to set some serious boundaries.

zet_1 avatar
Zet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. say you are willing to change the date ONLY if the family members that refused to attend the original date will be paying the new wedding and supplementary expenses that had to be implemented since the wedding had to be postponed to a later date. -- 2. if they do not want to pay, keep the date and set an ultimatum to any family member who doesn't want to come that states "if you don't chose my wedding, there won't be any more invitation from me for you for any kind of event in the future. i will not talk or contact you in the future, i have a new family and i do not belong to our old family anymore (because that's what old christian values are all about - wifes belong to the new family)" - 3. adopt 2 black cats and call one satan, Nosferatu, Antichrist, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, demon, lucifer, Angel of Darkness, Diabolus, King of Hell, Prince of Darkness..or what ever synonyme that's related to the devil and the other one get's called lillith - 4. pretend practicing whicraft

catwoman408 avatar
Tina Hugh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. She uninvited brother from her wedding. He decides to ruin her wedding. The parents play favorites. These people clearly hate each other

weiserhouse avatar
Irish Lad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want me to stand in for your AH dad, I would be proud to walk you down the aisle. I'm the grandfatherly type and will chat like I've known you forever. My dancing sucks though.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was wondering how the dad is going to feel when her future father-in-law walks her down the aisle instead. Is her dad really going to miss his daughter's long planned wedding? Especially since his son will probably be divorced in a year.

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jeffrequier_1 avatar
Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The definition of a shot gun wedding is not being planned. this is planned

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't Brother move the date, since he hasn't put any money down on anything? She not only had the date first, he can change his wedding date far more easily.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to say this, you need to cut ties with that toxic group. These people will drag you down with them if you're not careful, blood or not. I limit my involvement with these "family" too and will continue to do so to keep my sanity and peace.

lrkrstllptg avatar
Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If OP can wait 2yrs, Timmy can also do the same. God her family is awful.

erine avatar
Erin E
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. Then Christians wonder why people think they’re so awful.

knidnas avatar
Klas Klättermus
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Worst family in the entire world. She need to cut them all out of her life.

mrankin1975 avatar
Monica A. M.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Christians" like her family are the reason people turn away from Christianity. False/hypocritical Christians

johnlouis avatar
John Louis
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OPs family has just shown how unimportant she is to them. She should cut them all out of her life permanently to avoid future heartbreak.

tomoneill_1 avatar
tom oneill
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cut them all off forever, f**k 'em and congratulations on your wedding.

daniela-maurer-1 avatar
Dani M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does it say the brothers name is Ross in the first pargraph and then Tim??? Bothers me

alloutbikesyahoo_com avatar
alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since it's such a rush there is a weekend before her date and the brother should take that day.

alinagrace avatar
Katakitoka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

honestly, if the family is so religious, I'd go ahead and tell everyone in the extended family that its a shotgun wedding before burning all bridges down. it'd be interesting to see if the devout family would show up for a wedding like that. OP is absolutely NTA but family can go to hell

margaretmclean avatar
Margaret McLean
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her wedding is booked and paid for a year+ in advance by her, his is a shotgun. If the parents are paying for his, then surely the weekend before or after hers makes no odds. If her parents seriously expect her to move her date and lose a shed load money in the process - her money, not theirs - then she needs to seriously think whether she want her blood family in her future. This is incredibly disrespectful to her on so many levels. I really hope her in-laws are nice, because her blood family is horrible. Absolutely certain this is not the first time she has had to play second fiddle to golden boy (who can't keep it wrapped)

nlynch1010 avatar
Nancy Lynch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have your wedding on the date you set two years ago. Have a great time without your idiot brother and the rest of them.

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should serve as a life lesson. You need to cut toxic people out of your life or they'll poison you. This event shows pretty clearly who is toxic. I also highly recommend that if you have children you severely limit their exposure to this crew.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her family are awful. It's not just that they're happy for her to lose the money she's paid out for her wedding but what about the other guests who've arranged travel/time off, etc? Everyone has to be inconvenienced and out of pocket because her brother is a total d!ck. That would be the last time any member of my family who decided that I was of no importance at all had anything to do with my life.

stacywinnubst avatar
SBW71
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She'd be better off not having any family at her wedding if they are thinking like that. What times do they think they are living in? :Like anyone is going to care if their son and his GF have a baby out of wedlock? Most everyone does that now and nobody cares!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the brother is irresponsible, knocks up a girl, and agrees to marry said girl on your wedding day? Are your parents truly bent on rewarding him for his awful behavior? We know where you stand. Let's see if your parents think he's still charming and can do no wrong when he's divorced (most likely where it's headed since he's a prick and only marrying her because she's pregnant.)

sheila_stamey avatar
Sheila Stamey
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The is is why it bothers me so much when those who go to church ( not gonna s say Christian ) act like it's such a huge deal to hide the truth.. They are in no way acting the way they should, and would be the first to judge others, and unfortunately it's done more to harm true Christians than anything else.

stanimira_deleva avatar
Pacifico Fernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, sorry this must be fake. Those posts are always "the family chooses the extremelly unreasonable sibling over the reasonable one". There were several similar posts and honestly I don't think there are such families. At least I hope it's fake.

crowngemuk avatar
Mama Penguin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should stick to her original wedding date. If her parents won't come, so be it. Time to cut toxic people out of her life, even if blood relatives. If anyone asks about the clashing date, spill the beans. And if/when her family confronts her for it, she could say it's not her problem he got his girlfriend pregnant, just like how her brother responded to her.

olesiakovalenko avatar
Olesia Kovalenko
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of toxicity in families that are religious is mind-blowing. I grew up Baptist and it ruined my life. It's a cult and I don't care what others think. I don't know happy families that are religious. Religion is made up by other people. How is that not common sense?

lindamcguigan avatar
Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son commited suicide and there she was acting like the bereaved grandmother when I spoke to my son's wife to make arrangements to pay oh don't worry about it Nana Moon had paid up front my only son and my daughter asked where the wake was only to be told we are all going to Nana's so my only son she took all that was our families away from me the three of us where standing in an unfamiliar graveyard my husband and my daughter and myself I felt my heart was going to break some families have the worst people in them

lindamcguigan avatar
Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forty years and my son died she turned up at his funeral but would not speak to me

lindamcguigan avatar
Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lived with parents like this untill I was 17 and left. My mother is a right piece of work I just didn't know someone could be evil like her I found out later she never wanted me because I was a girl anyway jump fo

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's the bet that when they get very old and need help from day to day they'll try to get her to do it, not their darling son.

patrick_oharris avatar
Patrick O'Harris
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hurts, but your wedding is going to be better then with them I guess.

solartaire avatar
Anton Swanepoel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people aren't family - they're just the ones who happened to be around when she was growing up. I hope she'll have a great life with her husband and that his family treat her like part of theirs.

suehazlewood avatar
Sue Hazlewood
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's face it the brothers marriage is not going to last. Stick to your guns and go ahead with your wedding.

faithhh02 avatar
Faith Hurst
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo cannot even started to live your life based on the difficult ones you are related to because it will never end. Do your thing and worry about it later.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You DON'T need to have a wedding to get married, BUT you do need to get married to have a wedding. If it is ASAP, go to the courthouse and get hitched. My sister was knocked up when she got married 40 years ago. The priest said he'd bless a marriage in one year if they were still married, but would not effectuate one in the church. They never had it blessed and ironicly 7 years to the day, they divorced. The spiteful couple could have the 'wedding' one year from Oct. 9th. She needs to go ahead with her plans. Let her family grovel later if they choose to attend the 'wrong' horserace.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So more to the story, my sister and groom went before a judge on Aug.3 1981 at 12:45 and said "I do" and on Aug.3 1988 went before the Divorce court at 1:00 and said "I don't". She may have chosen her date to marry, she was given the divorce date, it just happen to be that one. I'm sure she could have rescheduled it, but went with the one to get it over with.

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TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They treat their own daughter like that and most likely go to church every Sunday thinking they are the best Christians in the world, while judging everyone else.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the nice version of my first reaction to the parents! Mine was much more profane.

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carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is horrible. First, the brother is a sh!t, then the parents take his side and expect the daughter to change the date? What a rotten family. That poor girl. I hope she gets married anyway and cuts out her family even if it's really hard to cut them out. Aaaw this story made me mad and sad at the same time.

anvime avatar
Burs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hope that her in laws are nice people and adopt her into the family

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those wondering "Is this true?"... IN 1991, my sister's funeral was scheduled for a Friday. Our cousin, whose wedding was the next day, *complained loudly at the funeral* that my sister's death "took attention off (her) special day". Yes, these people exist. I still remember her voice, gnawing through our grief, whining about her wedding, while my sister lay there in her coffin. Yeah, they exist. No, I have not spoken to that creature since that day, and no, I don't feel regret. She sure as he** didn't.

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. No one would want to cause a scene, but the temptation to loudly say"sorry my sister being dead is an inconvenience for you" would be hard to resist.

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davd2222 avatar
David Andrews
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple, she should go on as planned and have the wedding she has planned for the last 2 years, and paid for. If members of her family choose to not go to her wedding after commiting to it and having know for at least a year when it was, that's their choice and why would you want them there. Her parents can't be stupid enough to not know what her brother was doing, and Should have nipped in the bud any suggestion of the same date as soon as it was raised. They clearly created the sh*t that is her brother and are still pandering to him and reinforcing his sh*tty behaviour. Have your wedding with the people who actually care about you and want to spend that day with you

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It must be hard to give up on your parents entirely though. Poor woman. I think she needs to write them (and the rest of the relatives who have to choose) a nice long letter explaining her situation and the financial cost it would be to her to move it, hope you can still make my wedding somehow, etc. No accusations, just being polite and sticking to the facts (ie, being the grown up). Then get the rsvps in and invite a shitload of fun people to fill the gaps. Oh, and slap the most gorgeous wedding photos all over social media.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people are why "christian" is such a terrible word for so many.

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bumble bee
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

So this ONE family speaks and represents a whole faith that has been around for 2000 years? That has over it's entire time over a trillion people doing and giving this world immense goodness, charity is all ruined by these three people? If that is the case EVERY think in this world is no better

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Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Their loss. The fact that her fiance did not go to her family with her about this shows how they consider him, let alone how they consider her. Toxic family can and should be pruned from your life. Just be careful not to prune any family branches that aren't toxic in the process.

lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps she shouldn't bother talking to her parents in the future, if they show her so little care and concern. You do not have to have a relationship with toxic family members solely because they're family.

raroararoa avatar
RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can just imagine though, that the parents would ensure she was tormented for years to come. They might go to the same church, so that would become impossible. Sideways looks from everyone there, especially if her parents are "respected" in the church - which being so "oh my god, you're pregnant, you must get married" suggests they'd be popular there. Then there'd be the family that they bitched to who, if still getting on with the bride, would no doubt feel the need to tell her all about it.

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beth_landers avatar
Beth L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nuclear option: OP announces that she is also pregnant and therefore cannot change the wedding date. Then she "loses" the pregnancy once the sh!tty brother picks a different date.

elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He did you a favor. You are seeing where their loyalties lie and you have the opportunity to make some decisions about your priorities from here on out.

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snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where these stories come from... But easy solution. Keep the date. It's yours. Don't feel sorry for not having your family there, it's their choice. I wish you all the best, trust me, it's better to have people on your wedding who want to be there, not those who are obligated to attend because they're family.

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Me
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd ignore and have the wedding. Who comes is who comes. The day is for you and Adam.

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Alexander Neil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - I would have no difficulty in writing them off. That may sound blithe, but considering the outrageous demands you are better off not having more controlling and continuous BS in the future.

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LittleMissPanda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where TF are people getting all these shitty families from? Like seriously. I am disgusted. Mine might not be the most perfect family either, we are all quite different, temperamental and can get into heated arguments but hell we'll have each others' back and support each other to the grave despite our differences...

rdougherty666 avatar
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's hard to comprehend as my family, for all their weirdness, are decent people. But if anyone pulled that s*** on me, they'd be gone.

seamusharper_1 avatar
Alaska
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Um is the brothers name Ross or Tim? Such a contradiction makes the story seem fake.

reptilegirl30 avatar
Tacos Are Tasty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like an easy choice. She should not change her wedding date and she should go on to exclude the family members who sided with her asshole brother from her life until they can prove that they deserve to be included. I'm sorry that her family is so shitty and just because they're blood doesn't mean she should be subjected to their selfishness. She's better off without them.

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Randolph Croft
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she caves and gives up her wedding date, money, efforts, etc, she'll set a precedent where anything like this happens again, they'll do it to her again. They win. She loses. Moving a wedding date is a nightmare because all the guests who want to attend have to recalibrate their own lives all over again. And this will happen every time the family has an issue. Forever. On the other hand, if she just says something like 'Oh, well. I'll miss you" and moves on with her plans, she'll have defined a boundary that will alienate further her own family. Again, she loses. But I'd vote for the latter - kick 'em to the curb, it'll hurt, but it'll be healthier in the long run.

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CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so clear which child they favor and it's always the disappointment kid. I don't get it. How could the brother be this spiteful?

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Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds exactly like the kind of crap fundamentalist Christians would do.

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Manuela Martins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd call their bluff and the people who'd turn up on my wedding day are probably the ones I should consider my friends. This is exactly the type of Christians Jesus would be ashamed of.

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lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all WHY do you want your "family" at your wedding? They, obviously, don't want to be there. Get married without them, you are NOT losing anything but a bunch of control freaks. This has, like just about everything else, come down to POWER and CONTROL. Ignore them. They, obviously, don't consider you important so why are you wasting a moment on them? They are all assholes. The ONLY important thing is your groom and YOUR life. Your "family" doesn't care about you. You are so lucky to find this out now. I would be there and bless you. ON THE OTHER HAND, if you really, really want to get back at them, show up at your brother's wedding wearing YOUR wedding dress and bringing all your wedding guests.

jpwoodman1980 avatar
JP
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, that sounds about right. The total misogyny of religion. There isn't a religion in the world that doesn't put men above women. They reduce women to barefoot, pregnant and submissive...i.e. not worth anything. Drop the family and drop the religion. Her life will be much better without either one.

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Me Oh My
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On one hand, spreading the word about the fact that "Tim"'s wedding is a shotgun wedding would just cause more drama, but on the other hand, the repercussions for "Tim" would be well deserved because he's a bitchy little brat.

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AnnaBanana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say goodbye to your family of arseholes and go enjoy your wedding day.

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Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're 'very' Christian so to them lying is the obvious way forward (fiancée: "your parents chose the date")? Well OK then. Time to loose ballast.

queenmiri avatar
QueenMiri
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Get rid of that family. They don't care about you at all. It might hurt but you don't need people in your life who mistreat you. That's toxic. Also, saying "if you want us to be there you move the date". Excuse me?! If they want to be there they come. End of the story. It's your day.

petemccann avatar
DrBronxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so ridiculously horrible that I'm having trouble believing it. If it's true, it's just so awful. The parents want an October wedding, but can't see how literally any other day of the month would work. If they said that she shouldn't blame them for not attending her wedding if she doesn't change the date, then the cold truth is probably that they're not worth having at the wedding in the first place. But then, that's easy for me to say. It's her bloody parents.

tilliebird avatar
G
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest takeaway is how toxic the entire family is. I really hope OP's partner's family are good people and OP is able to get whatever support they need to recognize that their family is not a healthy thing to be a part of and to set some serious boundaries.

zet_1 avatar
Zet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. say you are willing to change the date ONLY if the family members that refused to attend the original date will be paying the new wedding and supplementary expenses that had to be implemented since the wedding had to be postponed to a later date. -- 2. if they do not want to pay, keep the date and set an ultimatum to any family member who doesn't want to come that states "if you don't chose my wedding, there won't be any more invitation from me for you for any kind of event in the future. i will not talk or contact you in the future, i have a new family and i do not belong to our old family anymore (because that's what old christian values are all about - wifes belong to the new family)" - 3. adopt 2 black cats and call one satan, Nosferatu, Antichrist, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, demon, lucifer, Angel of Darkness, Diabolus, King of Hell, Prince of Darkness..or what ever synonyme that's related to the devil and the other one get's called lillith - 4. pretend practicing whicraft

catwoman408 avatar
Tina Hugh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. She uninvited brother from her wedding. He decides to ruin her wedding. The parents play favorites. These people clearly hate each other

weiserhouse avatar
Irish Lad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you want me to stand in for your AH dad, I would be proud to walk you down the aisle. I'm the grandfatherly type and will chat like I've known you forever. My dancing sucks though.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was wondering how the dad is going to feel when her future father-in-law walks her down the aisle instead. Is her dad really going to miss his daughter's long planned wedding? Especially since his son will probably be divorced in a year.

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Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The definition of a shot gun wedding is not being planned. this is planned

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why can't Brother move the date, since he hasn't put any money down on anything? She not only had the date first, he can change his wedding date far more easily.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to say this, you need to cut ties with that toxic group. These people will drag you down with them if you're not careful, blood or not. I limit my involvement with these "family" too and will continue to do so to keep my sanity and peace.

lrkrstllptg avatar
Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If OP can wait 2yrs, Timmy can also do the same. God her family is awful.

erine avatar
Erin E
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. Then Christians wonder why people think they’re so awful.

knidnas avatar
Klas Klättermus
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Worst family in the entire world. She need to cut them all out of her life.

mrankin1975 avatar
Monica A. M.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Christians" like her family are the reason people turn away from Christianity. False/hypocritical Christians

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John Louis
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OPs family has just shown how unimportant she is to them. She should cut them all out of her life permanently to avoid future heartbreak.

tomoneill_1 avatar
tom oneill
Community Member
12 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cut them all off forever, f**k 'em and congratulations on your wedding.

daniela-maurer-1 avatar
Dani M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does it say the brothers name is Ross in the first pargraph and then Tim??? Bothers me

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alloutbikes@yahoo.com
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since it's such a rush there is a weekend before her date and the brother should take that day.

alinagrace avatar
Katakitoka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

honestly, if the family is so religious, I'd go ahead and tell everyone in the extended family that its a shotgun wedding before burning all bridges down. it'd be interesting to see if the devout family would show up for a wedding like that. OP is absolutely NTA but family can go to hell

margaretmclean avatar
Margaret McLean
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her wedding is booked and paid for a year+ in advance by her, his is a shotgun. If the parents are paying for his, then surely the weekend before or after hers makes no odds. If her parents seriously expect her to move her date and lose a shed load money in the process - her money, not theirs - then she needs to seriously think whether she want her blood family in her future. This is incredibly disrespectful to her on so many levels. I really hope her in-laws are nice, because her blood family is horrible. Absolutely certain this is not the first time she has had to play second fiddle to golden boy (who can't keep it wrapped)

nlynch1010 avatar
Nancy Lynch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have your wedding on the date you set two years ago. Have a great time without your idiot brother and the rest of them.

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should serve as a life lesson. You need to cut toxic people out of your life or they'll poison you. This event shows pretty clearly who is toxic. I also highly recommend that if you have children you severely limit their exposure to this crew.

gracenote avatar
Grace Note
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her family are awful. It's not just that they're happy for her to lose the money she's paid out for her wedding but what about the other guests who've arranged travel/time off, etc? Everyone has to be inconvenienced and out of pocket because her brother is a total d!ck. That would be the last time any member of my family who decided that I was of no importance at all had anything to do with my life.

stacywinnubst avatar
SBW71
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She'd be better off not having any family at her wedding if they are thinking like that. What times do they think they are living in? :Like anyone is going to care if their son and his GF have a baby out of wedlock? Most everyone does that now and nobody cares!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the brother is irresponsible, knocks up a girl, and agrees to marry said girl on your wedding day? Are your parents truly bent on rewarding him for his awful behavior? We know where you stand. Let's see if your parents think he's still charming and can do no wrong when he's divorced (most likely where it's headed since he's a prick and only marrying her because she's pregnant.)

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Sheila Stamey
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The is is why it bothers me so much when those who go to church ( not gonna s say Christian ) act like it's such a huge deal to hide the truth.. They are in no way acting the way they should, and would be the first to judge others, and unfortunately it's done more to harm true Christians than anything else.

stanimira_deleva avatar
Pacifico Fernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, sorry this must be fake. Those posts are always "the family chooses the extremelly unreasonable sibling over the reasonable one". There were several similar posts and honestly I don't think there are such families. At least I hope it's fake.

crowngemuk avatar
Mama Penguin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should stick to her original wedding date. If her parents won't come, so be it. Time to cut toxic people out of her life, even if blood relatives. If anyone asks about the clashing date, spill the beans. And if/when her family confronts her for it, she could say it's not her problem he got his girlfriend pregnant, just like how her brother responded to her.

olesiakovalenko avatar
Olesia Kovalenko
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The amount of toxicity in families that are religious is mind-blowing. I grew up Baptist and it ruined my life. It's a cult and I don't care what others think. I don't know happy families that are religious. Religion is made up by other people. How is that not common sense?

lindamcguigan avatar
Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son commited suicide and there she was acting like the bereaved grandmother when I spoke to my son's wife to make arrangements to pay oh don't worry about it Nana Moon had paid up front my only son and my daughter asked where the wake was only to be told we are all going to Nana's so my only son she took all that was our families away from me the three of us where standing in an unfamiliar graveyard my husband and my daughter and myself I felt my heart was going to break some families have the worst people in them

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Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Forty years and my son died she turned up at his funeral but would not speak to me

lindamcguigan avatar
Linda McGuigan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lived with parents like this untill I was 17 and left. My mother is a right piece of work I just didn't know someone could be evil like her I found out later she never wanted me because I was a girl anyway jump fo

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's the bet that when they get very old and need help from day to day they'll try to get her to do it, not their darling son.

patrick_oharris avatar
Patrick O'Harris
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hurts, but your wedding is going to be better then with them I guess.

solartaire avatar
Anton Swanepoel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These people aren't family - they're just the ones who happened to be around when she was growing up. I hope she'll have a great life with her husband and that his family treat her like part of theirs.

suehazlewood avatar
Sue Hazlewood
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's face it the brothers marriage is not going to last. Stick to your guns and go ahead with your wedding.

faithhh02 avatar
Faith Hurst
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo cannot even started to live your life based on the difficult ones you are related to because it will never end. Do your thing and worry about it later.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You DON'T need to have a wedding to get married, BUT you do need to get married to have a wedding. If it is ASAP, go to the courthouse and get hitched. My sister was knocked up when she got married 40 years ago. The priest said he'd bless a marriage in one year if they were still married, but would not effectuate one in the church. They never had it blessed and ironicly 7 years to the day, they divorced. The spiteful couple could have the 'wedding' one year from Oct. 9th. She needs to go ahead with her plans. Let her family grovel later if they choose to attend the 'wrong' horserace.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So more to the story, my sister and groom went before a judge on Aug.3 1981 at 12:45 and said "I do" and on Aug.3 1988 went before the Divorce court at 1:00 and said "I don't". She may have chosen her date to marry, she was given the divorce date, it just happen to be that one. I'm sure she could have rescheduled it, but went with the one to get it over with.

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