This Woman Perfectly Explains Weaponized Incompetence, And It Might Open Your Eyes

Awesome analysis! It changed my perspective. I think co-workers do this, too: leave the undesirable tasks to the lowest status employees. "But you're so much better at this kind of thing!," they say. Or, "Oh, I never notice things like that." It's a kind of gaslighting. Pretending to be incompetent when they're actually displaying dominance.

This is why I never married. Rather be a happy 'spinster' than deal with this bs.

My husband is so committed to not being like this. There are things I’d like him to do but he makes sure he’s not creating more work for me. He actively dislikes this kind of helpless behavior. Lectures out boys about not peeing the seat and making sure it’s put down again. We are not going to tolerate this behavior in our house. This analysis is really interesting and thought provoking.

I like that the internet is a place for sharing these things - esp with suburbs, women get so isolated, just comparing notes doesn't happen (alongside cultural expectations). Consistently surprised that it is so new for so many ppl - v sad abt that - but also v glad it gets shared.

This reminds me of that guy trying to make his girlfriend make him lunch when she said no. Decided to sulk, that restaurants and gas stations aren't a thing. Guess how frequently in the comments she was called an ah for not serving him. Situations like that are where it starts, and a majority of people will jump on "she should just do it! It only takes 5 minutes!" Like yeah, 5 minutes today and a new chore he could easily do on his own till death or divorce.

My soon to be ex husband was always like that. We were together for 7 years and married for 3. I just couldn't take it anymore, after our babygirl was born I didnt had a life. I worked 8h to 10h per day, took care of our daughter, took care of the dog, did groceries, took care of the bills and all of the housework. I was sleeping maybe 4h a night. When we broke up he said that I never said anything about how tired I was. I.was.falling.asleep.on.the.floor while taking care of our daughter!! Now we are almost divorced, I'm more motivated at my work, have more friends AND Im so much a better mommy to my baby because I'm not always waiting for her to fall asleep so I can do housework. It was hard cause I still had feelings for him but if I stayed I would be falling in a worrying state of depression. Now I'm in a new relationship where we divide every chore and worry.

I've been saying this for... years... YEARS... decades, actually - and I've been told I'm just a bad partner/family member. Glad it's now coming out as what it really is - jackholeyness. They treat it as a free-pass to not give a sh** - like... if you're so sick, you're barely able to stand... why is it *necessary* for the partner to be literally ASKED "Can you take the dog out?"... I've found it's so that they can add it to the list of "so i did this favour for you..."

There’s also “your standards are too high and I don’t care, so you do it.”

I had to teach my friend, a very hairy man who is 9 years older than female me, how to shave his own face because his significant others had been coerced into doing it for him in all his relationships.

I can definitely seem some men doing this. But, I think a lot of you are giving your men too much credit in thinking they're doing this intentionally or even subconsciously. The main difference, is just that the women care more about it then men. And you can say, well it's both of your house." And therefore the man should clean to the same standard as the woman. But, then the power dynamic is solely on the woman making the "rules" their husband has to live by to meet their standard. And then simply claiming that is some type is universal standard that the man is shirking his responsibilities. Which, is just putting themselves into the "mother" position and making the rules for a grown a*s man. And in my house my wife and I both work 40hrs outside of the house. I do all of the traditionally "man" jobs like mowing the lawn, taking out trash, etc. But I also do all the cooking, and care more about the house being clean so clean more than my wife.

Not all men are like that & not all women go along. My husband isn't perfect but he's capable of doing every known house chore on his own. Getting married is kind of like what happens when you bring a puppy home - what you let the puppy get away with the first day is what the puppy will expect going forward.

This happens in lesbian relationships also, where it's especially frustrating.

Without denying the existence and negative influence of the patriarchy, or the fact that many men do things to manipulate their wives, or the fact that I am, myself, a man; OP sounds like someone who has had a bad experience in a relationship, and their complaint borders on being an incoherent rant. That fact that Bill Gates does not know the cost of a carton of milk is irrelevant. He outsources knowledge, as do we all. Everyone uses products, systems, services and so on that they do not, themselves, understand. In Bill's case, it's buying groceries, in yours, it's how a computer works (which I suspect Bill Gates knows far more about than most of us). As for men "weaponizing" incompetence, I would guess that, firstly, BOTH partners in most relationships outsource knowledge and abilities to their partners.

Im not sure if its that deep. i think probably they are just lazy

Came across an article where a man had "found the solution to household bliss!" I HAD to read it, and it was so simple! "I saw something that needed to be done, and I just did it without waiting to be asked". Wow?! Really?! And that worked?! Ugh

Hmm. Very narrow minded to generalise an entire section of society like this. I've never had a boyfriend that behaved this way - I've known friends that have had had the odd one like this, but I haven't. The majority of men don't. This isn't a character flaw in 'cishet' men. It's a character flaw in people (of all types) who haven't been raised very well. I am getting really tired of people demonising men.

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Can I ask one thing? "Some males.' I clean, I cook, I do the dishes, I tend the garden, I shop and work two jobs. And it is good like that, because this is the way we are organized. But I refuse to carry the burden for all the males now and in history who didn't do their share.

Have had a number of friends and co-workers with male partners like this that they moved on from and most if not all saw the light when they noticed that "he" could not be bothered to wash own dishes or clothes or even remove skid marks from the toilet bowl when it was just "them" at home but as soon as there were external people visiting the skid marks were scrubbed, the lid down, the dishes were done etc etc. So it was obvious they knew how to do it and noticed when it needed to be done. As this lady said they just chose not to do it because "she" was good enough for that. Makes you glad to not have someone like that at home

"trending on TikTok" was a warning that the topic would revolve around immaturity.

I have a controversial take. If the little hairs in the sink only bothers YOU. If the base boards not being cleaned only bothers YOU. If the carpet not being vaccumed every other day only bothers YOU. It makes sense that YOU should be prepared to shoulder the majority of the responsibility of dealing with said things, so YOU are more comfortable. That goes for both men and women. If YOU are obsessed with the bed being made every morning and it doesn't bother me, do I need to make it every morning so YOU aren't bothered?

The ignorance of of the people who act this way has nothing to do with their gender or sexual preference and I find it extremely offensive that this video is lauded by people whose ignorance rivals that of the creator. Some people are jerks. If you think being a jerk can be tied to some demographic, then you're also a jerk. I'm disappointed, BP.

WTF?