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“He’s Been Lacing My Food For Years”: Former Alcoholic GF Explodes As BF Used Vodka For Making Sauce
Interview With ExpertBeing human means having your own opinions and with those come disagreements, especially between couples. But the way you deal with these disagreement problems determines how long your relationship will stay healthy. And if some partners act aggressively in these situations, then resolving the issue becomes almost impossible.
Aggression is never the answer, as Reddit user Fit-Complex-6771 learned the hard way. She’s a recovering alcoholic and when she found out that her boyfriend had been using vodka in his cooking, she lashed out and broke the $80 bottle, but when he asked to be refunded, she refused and faced netizens’ disapproval.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
This recovering alcoholic who had been with her boyfriend Sean for 1.5 years had told him about her issues and he was fine with it
Image credits: Jason Briscoe (not the actual photo)
Although he never drank in front of her, he did with his friends, and this bothered her but she never said anything to him
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
Image credits: Georgie Devlin (not the actual photo)
One day while he was cooking for them, she saw a vodka bottle on the countertop and he explained that he used it in pasta sauce, which they had been eating twice every month
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
He said that he had told her but she didn’t remember, however, enraged by the vodka, she knocked the bottle from the countertop and stormed off to her mom’s
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
He called her and apologized for triggering her, but also asked her to refund him $80 for the bottle, she refused to do so even when her mom told her to
Today we delve into the original poster’s (OP) story about a conflict she had with her boyfriend Sean and how she got called out by the netizens; let’s begin, shall we? So, the poster tells us that she was a recovering alcoholic and she had been with Sean for 1.5 years. He was aware of her condition and didn’t have any issues with it. And even though he never drank in front of her, he did with his friends. This apparently bothered her.
On a Sunday, he was cooking for her when she spotted a bottle of vodka on the counter. When he noticed her staring at it, he explained that he used it to make pasta sauce. Turns out that he makes it twice every month using the vodka. Probably sensing trouble, he said that he had mentioned this to her before.
But OP said she didn’t remember and got mad. Well, that’s when things took a turn for the worse. Her anger got the better of her and she knocked the bottle off the counter, stormed out, and went to her mom’s. Sean called her and apologized for triggering her. However, he asked her to refund him the cost of the vodka bottle which was $80.
OP straight out refused to do so, even when her mom told her to. And since then, there’s been no contact between them. She went online and narrated the story, only to find out that netizens disapproved of her rash actions. So much so, that she made an edit explaining that she was going to give him $80 worth of stuff to make up for it.
However, there were a few folks who called out her boyfriend for saying that the alcohol cooks away when research says that’s not true at all; rather, it’s a myth, as 85% of it is retained in the food. These folks also showed sympathy for the poster, saying that her boyfriend should’ve been more careful about his cooking habits with her.
But they also mentioned that OP’s reaction was a tad bit too much. She shouldn’t have gotten aggressive, she should’ve just asked him to stop using it. They felt he might have listened to her if she explained things to him. And that does sound like a reasonable solution. But that’s not what she did, was it? Her drastic action outraged other netizens.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda interviewed Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor. She said, “Violence is not acceptable in any form. Such actions displayed in front of your partner shows that you’re using aggression as a way to threaten them or to assert dominance. A partner who witnesses that will always be afraid of making you angry because there is a possibility that the aggression can one day be turned against the partner. There are healthy ways of communicating negative emotions and healthy ways of coping with them.”
Looks like what the Redditors told the poster sounded like the best solution in this situation. If only she had communicated with her boyfriend, it would have been so much easier. Alas, each human is built a different way and we can’t do anything about it. Prof. Lobo also told us about the difficulties faced by recovering alcoholics.
She explained, “To acquire an addiction is the easiest but to control the addiction is the hardest. It requires great strength and resilience to hold back. There are a lot of triggers so it becomes difficult to avoid that.” So, the poster’s anger at her boyfriend is justified but her reaction is definitely not!
Another aspect that Prof. Lobo stressed is how destructive behavior from one partner has an impact on the other and their relationship. According to her, “Such behavior impacts the safety and trust of your partner who is always going to feel afraid to express ideas and opinions or anger you. They won’t be able to be genuine or open in the relationship. That could lead to resentment, depression, or anxiety.”
“The partner at the receiving end of such unsettling behavior can also feel insecure because their partner is unpredictable. It might make them feel invalidated, worthless, helpless, and frustrated. They will have to keep things bottled in and with time it could affect their mental health.” If the poster’s behavior could adversely impact her boyfriend’s mental health, then the wake-up call she faced from Redditors seems to be for her and the man’s own good.
Wouldn’t you agree with the netizens and our expert? If not, don’t forget to express yourselves in the comments. Also, if you have ever been through something similar, do not hesitate to tell us about your experiences, just scroll down and type your heart out!
Netizens lashed out against her for destroying his property and acting aggressively when it could’ve been solved by simply asking him not to do so in the future
What do you think ?
Ms.GB 1 year ago
Idk but she better not come over to my house on pasta night because I like to make my mushroom sauce with wine. It's crazy how much flavor it adds.
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H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago
She doesn't appreciate the insinuation that the abusive thing she did was abusive! Seriously though, so tired of the notion that breaking/damaging things isn't abusive. Seeing that kind of behavior as a kid was no less impactful than other forms of abuse witnessed. Sure, there's a scale and worse things. Still absolutely unacceptable.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
100% this. It is not normal or acceptable to respond a grievance by breaking things. She needs to get ahold of herself.
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Zedrapazia 1 year ago
YTA. Alcohol evaporates in food, it's free of anything when you eat it. It's just a taste enhancer, this behavior was unnecessary and childish. Adult people can talk about things instead of smashing everything
G R 1 year ago
That's actually a commonly believed myth. Some research scientists did a peer reviewed study a few years ago, where they measured the percentage of alcohol that remained in food after various different cooking methods and cooking times, and boiling liquid for something like 20 minutes reduced the alcohol content by something like 80%. Baking food containing alcohol barely reduced the alcohol content at all. Cooking food at lower temperatures, such as simmering on a low heat (which is how you cook sauce!, only reduced the alcohol content by a very small amount. You have to boil food for long periods to substantially reduce the alcohol and even then, it doesn't evaporate 100% of the alcohol.
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Lyoness 1 year ago
Recognising that 1.This post is a year old and 2. The person who wrote it will probably never see this, a lot of these comments seem to be written by people who have very different views of alcoholism. Should she have broken the bottle? No, absolutely not. Should she replace it? Yes. Should she apologise for overreacting? Yes. BUT... her BF clearly doesn't understand where she is in her sobriety. Lots of people are pointing out that 80% of the alcohol burns away with cooking. There seem to be arguments here about how much burns away or there's any chance it could even make her tipsy. You're missing the point. ANY AMOUNT OF ALCHOHOL IS TOO MUCH. 80% of the amount used, a tablespoon, it doesn't matter. Her BF was cooking with it and didn't tell her. At this point in her sobriety she is NOT OK with ingesting any amount of booze. He doesn't respect that. Having said all that, I have to agree that this couple isn't compatible.
Littlemiss 1 year ago
Thank you for posting this. My husband has been in recovery for a number of years and I find alternatives to using alcohol in them - thats because I'm uncomfortable, not him. It depends on the person, for her it was a huge no go. I think she reacted in the moment and a lot of the responses were pretty ignorant.
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millac 1 year ago
And I hope SHE recognizes this as the red flag that he is. Why would he be adding alcohol to an alcoholic's food?
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KillerKiwi 1 year ago
YTA. Also, she totally did smash the bottle??? Like yeah she didn’t throw it but she got mad and pushed it off the counter, she knew it was gonna break. Glass bottles don’t bounce.
Kaeda 1 year ago (edited)
My god. What a total temper tantrum. "I didn't smash the bottle, I pushed it off the counter and it broke'. What would be next - that she tells the judge that she didn't hit him, he just walked into her fist?
Dream 1 year ago
That's exactly what Amber Heard did. I'm not taking sides in that mess but when he recorded her on tape, her excuses were literally just that..."I didn't punch you Johnny, I SLAPPED you!" "Stop being a baby Johnny, I didn't punch you...I HIT you!" She took offense over the word punch and twisted all the variations of it into acceptable phrases to minimize it.
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Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
Talk about miss the main point. She is a recovering alcoholic. You don't mess around with that. You don't cook with it because it could trigger the addiction.
Tamra 1 year ago
Recovering alcoholic here, and I have enjoyed vodka sauce on my pasta many times without triggering any sort of relapse. This woman's recovery is on very shaky ground. She wants to control whether her boyfriend drinks, she's throwing aggressive tantrums and accusing him of "lacing" her food. This really isn't about vodka sauce, this is about an alcoholic who is currently what we call a "dry drunk". She needs more meetings, a sponsor, or more therapy.
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Nate 1 year ago
The blaming of others for her destruction, the hyperbolic framing she uses to excuse her actions (“laced”), and the way she excuses her acts with twists of words (pushed it off the counter, not smashed) shows she has not recovered from her addictive behaviors. Those are the things she needs to address if she is truly going to recover, or she will fall into the same addictive habits for other things beyond alcohol.
Taibhse Sealgair 1 year ago
The worst part of this story is that the guy is cooking with $80/bottle vodka. Who does that?
Parmeisan 1 year ago
Maybe he had the bottle anyway and the recipe doesn't call for much of it?
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Rae Rory 1 year ago
YTA. But I agree, cooking with 80$ vodka is crazy. I usually buy Smirnoff, like half a step up from bottom shelf.
Leekier 8 months ago
TBH the price of the vodka makes me suspect the whole thing is made up. I’m more of a whiskey drinker but I can’t imagine anyone anyone cooking with my wine or spirit that’s so expensive.
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Jihana 1 year ago
That's a stupid reply. Of course she doesn't use any that contains alcohol. Do you really believe that a recovering alcoholic does not know what products contain alcohol? Do you really believe you are so much smarter than people who actually NEED to know that?
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JL 1 year ago
If vodka sauce can get people drunk or cause relapses in recovering alcoholics, I doubt kids of all ages would be allowed to buy it at the supermarket.
G R 1 year ago
Commercial sauce is not actually made with vodka, it's just branding. Homemade vodka sauce is made with vodka.
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Myra Symons 1 year ago
Wondering, is this the only thing he uses alcohol in? Can she trust him ever? Can he possibly trust him with her food, her life? Alcoholism is SERIOUS s**t. He told her? I don't thing so, and now he's gaslighting her about it. Would she remember that he's putting alcohol in her food? Yep of course she would, She lost her temper. Making amends is important, She might want to do that. But never ever get back with him. I agree with the go to a meeting and talk with your sponsor that's true. But never go back with this fool who has abused your trust and tried to gaslight you about it after. I think that this qualifies for an Everybody Sucks Here.
Emma 1 year ago
Silly girl, in something like a sauce the alcohol is mostly burnt away so your just left with added flavour or possible texture. $80 is little to pay back after he's accepted you for who you are and you didn't think to do some research before smashing the bottle.
Kim Karlotta 1 year ago
She probably knows this, it's still inconsiderate of him. He didn't except her for who she is.
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Roan The Demon Kitty 1 year ago (edited)
unless she saw it, which she did, she'd have never known. For a month she's been having it, and she hasn't "relapsed" ffs, besides, alcohol burns off in food, (it evaporates at around 80c/180f, as it has a lower boiling point than water) it merely acts as something to enhance taste. She's acting childishly.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
Not hitting someone doesn't mean you're not violent or abusive. Abuse and violence come in all types of forms. Aside from spanking and the belt, which at the time wasn't really considered abuse, my father never physically hit my mom or me. But we walked on eggshells and essentially fear of him flying off the handle. You'd think that someone who is sensitive enough about their sobriety to call cooking with vodka "lacing the food" would know better.
Ace 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, this is one of those where the poster has invented a backstory - how the BF has been cooking her sauce with vodka - in order to justify something they did. He was not routinely cooking for her with his $80 liquor, she just saw it in the kitchen and went off the rails about it. Paying for it is now irrelevant, this couple has no future together.
Julia French 1 year ago
NTA!!! all those yta folks don't get either addiction or chemistry - it does not all jut boil off! what remains can still put an alcoholic in relapse
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Except she's been eating it twice a month for a year and a half and it hasn't!
Load More Replies... Dream 1 year ago
Sicilian here. Why is everyone so bent over the 80$ price tag? Truffle sauce has an acceptable high price for it's flavor. So do many other things so why is using a great vodka for this not? I bet it tastes way better than 8$ potato vodka sauce no? I don't get it. People every day, all over the world drop mega bucks on absolute twaddle like caviar so maybe this is that dude's caviar splurge. Or maybe he already drinks that brand. Also, he's not dropping 80$'s worth in every time. Either way, bet it's good.
Inglourioustmnt 1 year ago
Using vodka in pasta sauce is very common. Youd never get even a buzz or a taste of the alcohol from it.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
She can refuse the meal instead of breaking the bottle. She also needs to start reading every label before shopping because a lot of the food and ingredients she buys has things that have alcohol content in them. So you've been taking in a lot more alcohol than you think there lady. Communicating is with words not with violence. Pay for the vodka.
Donna Harris 12 months ago
Your sobriety is the most important thing right now. Let it go...he made a mistake and he screwed up...he's sorry. You broke his bottle, replace it. If his drinking is going to be a problem (which it does sound like it will) it's time to rethink your relationship to him, your relationship to alcohol and where you are in your journey. you're quite young at this point and you have to remember there will be triggers everywhere you go..you are going to have to learn some tools to deal with it. Good luck.
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
She's not a recovering alcoholic, she's still very much at the I've had to give up alcohol so everyone else needs to as well. A recovering alcoholic accepts their own weakness and controls it, I hope her bf tells her to grow up and get a grip or he's leaving because she will destroy his life if she doesn't learn not to blame others
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
Everyone seems to be focusing on the broken bottle and sweeping the fact that the BF gave her alcohol without her knowing under the rug (based on real life and someone who is hypersensitive to alcohol: it does not boil away). Now substitute alcoholism for peanut allergy and vodka for (a very expensive) peanut.... No, she should not have broken the bottle but it probably suddenly dawned on her why she was struggling more with her addiction lately (laying the blame on knowing her BF drinks)...
Hannah Thompson 1 year ago
You have to love the justification I didn't throw it I pushed it and it broke
diane statzer 1 year ago (edited)
Yta! Wow my mother was a recovering alcohol and she cooked with wine. Someone before mentioned you should be in a relationship , I agree. You aren't ready and your boyfriend deserves better.
Sister Mary Jane 1 year ago
I hope she doesn't use Vanilla in cooking. There is a recipe called Penne Pasta with Vodka sauce. It's quite delicious and the alcohol is burned off in cooking. Since the recipient of the cooking hasn't fallen off the wagon in spite of repeated servings of pasta I think she was just triggered by the sight of the bottle. Still she shouldn't have done what she did.
Pamela McCollam 1 year ago
Math time! Assuming 1/4 C 40 proof vodka in a recipe for 4 servings, simmering 15 minutes (60% evaporation rate), each serving will have a little more than half a teaspoon of alcohol (i.e.100 proof) or 2.8 milliliters. Obviously, we all get to decide for ourselves how much is too much. Smashing his bottle of vodka is a separate issue, of course.
Pamela McCollam 1 year ago
Math time! Assuming 1/4 C 40 proof vodka in a recipe for 4 servings, simmering 15 minutes (60% evaporation rate), each serving will have a little more than half a teaspoon of alcohol (i.e.100 proof) or 2.8 milliliters. Obviously, we all get to decide for ourselves how much is too much. Smashing his bottle of vodka is another issue.
Lady Vader 1 year ago
I don't understand the YTA judgments!! Why would he even consider cooking with vodka when are thousands of other ways to make a pasta sauce? He knows she is in recovery and chooses that specific ingredient? Whether or not alcohol evaporates, leave it out when cooking for her. That seems uncaring at best and unhinged at worst. Should she have pushed the bottle off the counter? Probably not but honestly, I'd have poured it down the sink while maintaining eye contact for being such an inconsiderate partner. I'm fuming on her behalf.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
"Probably not"? You would have poured someone else's property down the stink? Yeah, YWBTAH and an abuser too!
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Alexandra 1 year ago
What I miss is some grace for OP. She is, after all, a recovering alcoholic and thus she is bound to react more strongly to any perceived threat to her, no doubt, hard-won sobriety. She did not smash the bottle: she swiped it, it fell to the ground and it broke. Also, please take into account that it's a myth that alcohol evaporates when cooked. Even if the sauce had been cooking for 15 minutes, there would still be 40% of the alcohol left in the sauce. Not a good thing for a recovering addict.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Except she claims that he's been doing it twice a month for a year and a half, she's never been triggered and wouldn't know about it if she hadn't walked into the kitchen. I think it's a BS story, but yeah with that temper tantrum she is TAH.
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Jennifer Hughes 1 year ago
Gee, you think the comments could condescend any harder? Reddit is so desperate to call a woman an "abuser" for having a human reaction to s****y behavior. NTA.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Yeah, and then the world could know what a temper tantrum throwing AH she is as she would be in jail.
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René Sauer 1 year ago
Hm. I don´t drink alcohol at all, but isn´t 80$ a bottle way too much to use for cooking? Sounds more like something you should savor.
Rachele Stoops 1 year ago
We don’t know the context. Possibly it’s the only kind he has. Sauce would take a few tablespoons, certainly not the whole bottle, and he should be able to use the vodka he has in his home.
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Laure Miller 1 year ago
Slipping alcohol to an alcoholic, what a brilliant guy. I would have broken the bottle over his head, personally.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
You should probably go to a therapist for your violence issue before you end up actually acting out and hurting someone and ending up in jail.
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Hans Georg 1 year ago
Pasta sauce with vodka? Really good vodka has no flavor. Not the blended s**t you can buy everywhere. It does not add anything to the sauce.
Serena Myers 1 year ago
Loads of recipes for penne alla vodka, pasta alla vodka, etc online. Quote "In a series of blind tastings, Kenji found that the hit of neutral booze enhanced the fruity aroma of the sauce while bringing a background heat and sharpness that balanced out the richness of the sauce." Don't quote me on this, it's just what I googled. 🤷🏻♀️
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Ms.GB 1 year ago
Idk but she better not come over to my house on pasta night because I like to make my mushroom sauce with wine. It's crazy how much flavor it adds.
Load More Replies... H. B. Nielsen 1 year ago
She doesn't appreciate the insinuation that the abusive thing she did was abusive! Seriously though, so tired of the notion that breaking/damaging things isn't abusive. Seeing that kind of behavior as a kid was no less impactful than other forms of abuse witnessed. Sure, there's a scale and worse things. Still absolutely unacceptable.
Parmeisan 1 year ago
100% this. It is not normal or acceptable to respond a grievance by breaking things. She needs to get ahold of herself.
Load More Replies... Zedrapazia 1 year ago
YTA. Alcohol evaporates in food, it's free of anything when you eat it. It's just a taste enhancer, this behavior was unnecessary and childish. Adult people can talk about things instead of smashing everything
G R 1 year ago
That's actually a commonly believed myth. Some research scientists did a peer reviewed study a few years ago, where they measured the percentage of alcohol that remained in food after various different cooking methods and cooking times, and boiling liquid for something like 20 minutes reduced the alcohol content by something like 80%. Baking food containing alcohol barely reduced the alcohol content at all. Cooking food at lower temperatures, such as simmering on a low heat (which is how you cook sauce!, only reduced the alcohol content by a very small amount. You have to boil food for long periods to substantially reduce the alcohol and even then, it doesn't evaporate 100% of the alcohol.
Load More Replies... Lyoness 1 year ago
Recognising that 1.This post is a year old and 2. The person who wrote it will probably never see this, a lot of these comments seem to be written by people who have very different views of alcoholism. Should she have broken the bottle? No, absolutely not. Should she replace it? Yes. Should she apologise for overreacting? Yes. BUT... her BF clearly doesn't understand where she is in her sobriety. Lots of people are pointing out that 80% of the alcohol burns away with cooking. There seem to be arguments here about how much burns away or there's any chance it could even make her tipsy. You're missing the point. ANY AMOUNT OF ALCHOHOL IS TOO MUCH. 80% of the amount used, a tablespoon, it doesn't matter. Her BF was cooking with it and didn't tell her. At this point in her sobriety she is NOT OK with ingesting any amount of booze. He doesn't respect that. Having said all that, I have to agree that this couple isn't compatible.
Littlemiss 1 year ago
Thank you for posting this. My husband has been in recovery for a number of years and I find alternatives to using alcohol in them - thats because I'm uncomfortable, not him. It depends on the person, for her it was a huge no go. I think she reacted in the moment and a lot of the responses were pretty ignorant.
Load More Replies... millac 1 year ago
And I hope SHE recognizes this as the red flag that he is. Why would he be adding alcohol to an alcoholic's food?
Load More Replies... KillerKiwi 1 year ago
YTA. Also, she totally did smash the bottle??? Like yeah she didn’t throw it but she got mad and pushed it off the counter, she knew it was gonna break. Glass bottles don’t bounce.
Kaeda 1 year ago (edited)
My god. What a total temper tantrum. "I didn't smash the bottle, I pushed it off the counter and it broke'. What would be next - that she tells the judge that she didn't hit him, he just walked into her fist?
Dream 1 year ago
That's exactly what Amber Heard did. I'm not taking sides in that mess but when he recorded her on tape, her excuses were literally just that..."I didn't punch you Johnny, I SLAPPED you!" "Stop being a baby Johnny, I didn't punch you...I HIT you!" She took offense over the word punch and twisted all the variations of it into acceptable phrases to minimize it.
Load More Replies... Tracy Sellars 1 year ago
Talk about miss the main point. She is a recovering alcoholic. You don't mess around with that. You don't cook with it because it could trigger the addiction.
Tamra 1 year ago
Recovering alcoholic here, and I have enjoyed vodka sauce on my pasta many times without triggering any sort of relapse. This woman's recovery is on very shaky ground. She wants to control whether her boyfriend drinks, she's throwing aggressive tantrums and accusing him of "lacing" her food. This really isn't about vodka sauce, this is about an alcoholic who is currently what we call a "dry drunk". She needs more meetings, a sponsor, or more therapy.
Load More Replies... Nate 1 year ago
The blaming of others for her destruction, the hyperbolic framing she uses to excuse her actions (“laced”), and the way she excuses her acts with twists of words (pushed it off the counter, not smashed) shows she has not recovered from her addictive behaviors. Those are the things she needs to address if she is truly going to recover, or she will fall into the same addictive habits for other things beyond alcohol.
Taibhse Sealgair 1 year ago
The worst part of this story is that the guy is cooking with $80/bottle vodka. Who does that?
Parmeisan 1 year ago
Maybe he had the bottle anyway and the recipe doesn't call for much of it?
Load More Replies... Rae Rory 1 year ago
YTA. But I agree, cooking with 80$ vodka is crazy. I usually buy Smirnoff, like half a step up from bottom shelf.
Leekier 8 months ago
TBH the price of the vodka makes me suspect the whole thing is made up. I’m more of a whiskey drinker but I can’t imagine anyone anyone cooking with my wine or spirit that’s so expensive.
Load More Replies... Jihana 1 year ago
That's a stupid reply. Of course she doesn't use any that contains alcohol. Do you really believe that a recovering alcoholic does not know what products contain alcohol? Do you really believe you are so much smarter than people who actually NEED to know that?
Load More Replies... JL 1 year ago
If vodka sauce can get people drunk or cause relapses in recovering alcoholics, I doubt kids of all ages would be allowed to buy it at the supermarket.
G R 1 year ago
Commercial sauce is not actually made with vodka, it's just branding. Homemade vodka sauce is made with vodka.
Load More Replies... Myra Symons 1 year ago
Wondering, is this the only thing he uses alcohol in? Can she trust him ever? Can he possibly trust him with her food, her life? Alcoholism is SERIOUS s**t. He told her? I don't thing so, and now he's gaslighting her about it. Would she remember that he's putting alcohol in her food? Yep of course she would, She lost her temper. Making amends is important, She might want to do that. But never ever get back with him. I agree with the go to a meeting and talk with your sponsor that's true. But never go back with this fool who has abused your trust and tried to gaslight you about it after. I think that this qualifies for an Everybody Sucks Here.
Emma 1 year ago
Silly girl, in something like a sauce the alcohol is mostly burnt away so your just left with added flavour or possible texture. $80 is little to pay back after he's accepted you for who you are and you didn't think to do some research before smashing the bottle.
Kim Karlotta 1 year ago
She probably knows this, it's still inconsiderate of him. He didn't except her for who she is.
Load More Replies... Roan The Demon Kitty 1 year ago (edited)
unless she saw it, which she did, she'd have never known. For a month she's been having it, and she hasn't "relapsed" ffs, besides, alcohol burns off in food, (it evaporates at around 80c/180f, as it has a lower boiling point than water) it merely acts as something to enhance taste. She's acting childishly.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
Not hitting someone doesn't mean you're not violent or abusive. Abuse and violence come in all types of forms. Aside from spanking and the belt, which at the time wasn't really considered abuse, my father never physically hit my mom or me. But we walked on eggshells and essentially fear of him flying off the handle. You'd think that someone who is sensitive enough about their sobriety to call cooking with vodka "lacing the food" would know better.
Ace 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, this is one of those where the poster has invented a backstory - how the BF has been cooking her sauce with vodka - in order to justify something they did. He was not routinely cooking for her with his $80 liquor, she just saw it in the kitchen and went off the rails about it. Paying for it is now irrelevant, this couple has no future together.
Julia French 1 year ago
NTA!!! all those yta folks don't get either addiction or chemistry - it does not all jut boil off! what remains can still put an alcoholic in relapse
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Except she's been eating it twice a month for a year and a half and it hasn't!
Load More Replies... Dream 1 year ago
Sicilian here. Why is everyone so bent over the 80$ price tag? Truffle sauce has an acceptable high price for it's flavor. So do many other things so why is using a great vodka for this not? I bet it tastes way better than 8$ potato vodka sauce no? I don't get it. People every day, all over the world drop mega bucks on absolute twaddle like caviar so maybe this is that dude's caviar splurge. Or maybe he already drinks that brand. Also, he's not dropping 80$'s worth in every time. Either way, bet it's good.
Inglourioustmnt 1 year ago
Using vodka in pasta sauce is very common. Youd never get even a buzz or a taste of the alcohol from it.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
She can refuse the meal instead of breaking the bottle. She also needs to start reading every label before shopping because a lot of the food and ingredients she buys has things that have alcohol content in them. So you've been taking in a lot more alcohol than you think there lady. Communicating is with words not with violence. Pay for the vodka.
Donna Harris 12 months ago
Your sobriety is the most important thing right now. Let it go...he made a mistake and he screwed up...he's sorry. You broke his bottle, replace it. If his drinking is going to be a problem (which it does sound like it will) it's time to rethink your relationship to him, your relationship to alcohol and where you are in your journey. you're quite young at this point and you have to remember there will be triggers everywhere you go..you are going to have to learn some tools to deal with it. Good luck.
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
She's not a recovering alcoholic, she's still very much at the I've had to give up alcohol so everyone else needs to as well. A recovering alcoholic accepts their own weakness and controls it, I hope her bf tells her to grow up and get a grip or he's leaving because she will destroy his life if she doesn't learn not to blame others
Ivy at Eve 1 year ago
Everyone seems to be focusing on the broken bottle and sweeping the fact that the BF gave her alcohol without her knowing under the rug (based on real life and someone who is hypersensitive to alcohol: it does not boil away). Now substitute alcoholism for peanut allergy and vodka for (a very expensive) peanut.... No, she should not have broken the bottle but it probably suddenly dawned on her why she was struggling more with her addiction lately (laying the blame on knowing her BF drinks)...
Hannah Thompson 1 year ago
You have to love the justification I didn't throw it I pushed it and it broke
diane statzer 1 year ago (edited)
Yta! Wow my mother was a recovering alcohol and she cooked with wine. Someone before mentioned you should be in a relationship , I agree. You aren't ready and your boyfriend deserves better.
Sister Mary Jane 1 year ago
I hope she doesn't use Vanilla in cooking. There is a recipe called Penne Pasta with Vodka sauce. It's quite delicious and the alcohol is burned off in cooking. Since the recipient of the cooking hasn't fallen off the wagon in spite of repeated servings of pasta I think she was just triggered by the sight of the bottle. Still she shouldn't have done what she did.
Pamela McCollam 1 year ago
Math time! Assuming 1/4 C 40 proof vodka in a recipe for 4 servings, simmering 15 minutes (60% evaporation rate), each serving will have a little more than half a teaspoon of alcohol (i.e.100 proof) or 2.8 milliliters. Obviously, we all get to decide for ourselves how much is too much. Smashing his bottle of vodka is a separate issue, of course.
Pamela McCollam 1 year ago
Math time! Assuming 1/4 C 40 proof vodka in a recipe for 4 servings, simmering 15 minutes (60% evaporation rate), each serving will have a little more than half a teaspoon of alcohol (i.e.100 proof) or 2.8 milliliters. Obviously, we all get to decide for ourselves how much is too much. Smashing his bottle of vodka is another issue.
Lady Vader 1 year ago
I don't understand the YTA judgments!! Why would he even consider cooking with vodka when are thousands of other ways to make a pasta sauce? He knows she is in recovery and chooses that specific ingredient? Whether or not alcohol evaporates, leave it out when cooking for her. That seems uncaring at best and unhinged at worst. Should she have pushed the bottle off the counter? Probably not but honestly, I'd have poured it down the sink while maintaining eye contact for being such an inconsiderate partner. I'm fuming on her behalf.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
"Probably not"? You would have poured someone else's property down the stink? Yeah, YWBTAH and an abuser too!
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
What I miss is some grace for OP. She is, after all, a recovering alcoholic and thus she is bound to react more strongly to any perceived threat to her, no doubt, hard-won sobriety. She did not smash the bottle: she swiped it, it fell to the ground and it broke. Also, please take into account that it's a myth that alcohol evaporates when cooked. Even if the sauce had been cooking for 15 minutes, there would still be 40% of the alcohol left in the sauce. Not a good thing for a recovering addict.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Except she claims that he's been doing it twice a month for a year and a half, she's never been triggered and wouldn't know about it if she hadn't walked into the kitchen. I think it's a BS story, but yeah with that temper tantrum she is TAH.
Load More Replies... Jennifer Hughes 1 year ago
Gee, you think the comments could condescend any harder? Reddit is so desperate to call a woman an "abuser" for having a human reaction to s****y behavior. NTA.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
Yeah, and then the world could know what a temper tantrum throwing AH she is as she would be in jail.
Load More Replies... René Sauer 1 year ago
Hm. I don´t drink alcohol at all, but isn´t 80$ a bottle way too much to use for cooking? Sounds more like something you should savor.
Rachele Stoops 1 year ago
We don’t know the context. Possibly it’s the only kind he has. Sauce would take a few tablespoons, certainly not the whole bottle, and he should be able to use the vodka he has in his home.
Load More Replies... Laure Miller 1 year ago
Slipping alcohol to an alcoholic, what a brilliant guy. I would have broken the bottle over his head, personally.
Noneofyourbusiness 1 year ago
You should probably go to a therapist for your violence issue before you end up actually acting out and hurting someone and ending up in jail.
Load More Replies... Hans Georg 1 year ago
Pasta sauce with vodka? Really good vodka has no flavor. Not the blended s**t you can buy everywhere. It does not add anything to the sauce.
Serena Myers 1 year ago
Loads of recipes for penne alla vodka, pasta alla vodka, etc online. Quote "In a series of blind tastings, Kenji found that the hit of neutral booze enhanced the fruity aroma of the sauce while bringing a background heat and sharpness that balanced out the richness of the sauce." Don't quote me on this, it's just what I googled. 🤷🏻♀️
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