“[Am I The Jerk] For Moving My Trans Sister Into My ‘Room’ On Our Camping Holiday?”

Older generations often think that they, as people who have lived longer, know everything or almost everything about this life, solely on the basis of their own everyday experience. In fact, this is just one of the many cognitive biases inherent in humans – the so-called availability heuristic. What does this mean? For example, the fact that when evaluating a phenomenon, a person tends to rely on their own information about this phenomenon – even if it is poorly structured and not relevant at all.

For instance, if you ask which US state has the most tornadoes, many will remember The Wizard of Oz and answer Kansas, although according to statistics, Texas has the most. And so, when we develop our own assessment of other people, we often mistakenly attribute certain traits to them simply on the basis of our assumptions. In many areas, such as in parenting, these generalizations can lead to nothing good, especially to family conflicts.

For example, as it happened in this particular situation, described a few years ago in the AITA Reddit community. The original post has about 3.3K upvotes and over 300 different comments, most of which express massive support for the author of the post.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post is a teen and has a trans sister and a cis brother

Image credits: Delia Giandeini (not the actual image)

So, the case in the described story took place in 2019, when the author of the post, then at the age of 16, her 14-year-old transgender sister and their 15-year-old brother, went camping with their parents for a whole week. Along with them, according to the original poster, her uncle and aunt, as well as their two sons, 13 and 15 years old, also went. Everyone except her sister, as the OP notes, are cis.

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

Several years ago the author and her family went camping with her relatives

When it came to accommodation in tents, they decided that adults would occupy the OP’s parents’ tent, and her aunt and uncle’s large tent would go to the children. This large tent was divided into two parts, a “boys’ room” and a “girls’ room,” with the owners of the tent assuming that the OP would sleep in one room and all the other children in the other. And, of course, the uncle and aunt completely refused to pay attention to the fact that the OP’s sister is transgender.

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

At the same time, as the OP says, she and her sister are fine not having privacy from each other, especially since she has been identifying as a girl for a pretty long time. In any case, the author’s aunt and uncle simply decided that it didn’t matter to them, and it should be as they ordered.

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

The aunt and uncle told the author that she would have the “girls’ room” in the large tent while her sister should stay in the “boys’ room”

The OP and her sister went to their parents for support, but they chose to distance themselves from the conflict, stating something along the lines of “their tent, their rules.” Then the younger generation decided to take matters into their own hands. The original poster simply dragged her sister’s airbed to her half of the tent, and all the boys promised that they would not tell the elders anything about it – the main thing was that the OP’s sister felt comfortable.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

The author’s parents refused to back them so the author simply dragged her sister’s airbed to her room behind the adults’ backs

So the whole week passed, and on the last day, the teens tried to quickly pack up the tent so that the adults would not notice anything. And everything would have ended well if not at home, during one conversation, one of the OP’s cousins accidentally mentioned to their parents that “it was fine, the girls had their space and we had ours.” Then the real scandal followed, and the OP’s cousins both got grounded for a week for “lying to parents.”

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

Finally the author’s parents realized they were wrong in their decision not to side with their children

In turn, when it came to discussing this story in the OP’s family, her parents finally realized that their non-interference in many ways gave rise to this conflict – especially after the author of the post and her brother fully sided with their trans sister. “My parents are going to try and be more supportive. I think they’re worried about losing contact with us,” the original poster summarizes.

Image credits: Matheus Bertelli (not the actual image)

As for the original poster’s cousins, they have recently already had a number of problems with their parents for other reasons as well. The relationship between the cousins remained great – but the OP and her siblings decided that they would try to avoid contact with their uncle and aunt in the future. Perhaps this is really the best choice in this situation…

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

According to the expert, the author’s aunt and uncle just went about their own prejudices

“The aunt and uncle of the author of the post, apparently, went about their own prejudices, putting them above relationships with their children,” states Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda got in touch with for comment on this situation. “The unwillingness of the author’s parents to support them was not the best decision either. Apparently, the adults simply did not want to enter into conflict, believing that the mental comfort of their child was not worth the probably ruined trip.”

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

“However, one cannot but rejoice that after talking with the children, the mom and dad nevertheless decided to be more supportive towards them. I hope that in the future the children will receive more support from adults – after all, this is still important for them, at any age,” Irina Matveeva notes.

Image credits: u/transsisthrowaway

People in the comments massively sided with the author, praising her for being so supportive towards younger sister

The vast majority of people in the comments supported the author of the post, noting that the children in this situation are more emotionally mature than the adults. The commenters also massively praised the original poster for putting her sister’s feelings ahead of the adults’ bigotry. “You were being a good sister and standing up for where she felt comfortable,” commenters wrote.

Some commenters also note that this situation in fact shows a lot about the OP’s aunt and uncle’s attitude towards trans issues. With this, the author of the post sadly agrees, stating that they don’t care what clothes her sister actually wears but are still quite “genitalia-focused”. Ironically, their own youngest son, as the original poster continues, was more comfortable with their room being boys-only, because of puberty stuff.

Anyway, as people in the comments aptly wonder, “if five teenage family members are able to come to an agreement on how to split up into two rooms and they’re all comfortable with it, why do any of the adults need to have a say about it?” According to the commenters, this is just an example of an awful mindset from the adults, while the OP did a great job of going out of her way for her sibling’s comfort.

If you have already made up your point of view on the case we have described, then we will be happy if you state it in the comments below this post. And if you have also experienced or witnessed something similar in your life, please feel free to tell us your own story as well.

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