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Thanksgiving should be a time of celebration. It’s the one day of the year when people get together and express gratitude alongside the people they care about the most.
But for some families, it’s a time when drama and conflict are at their peak. This woman knows that feeling all too well, having dealt with her overbearing mother-in-law, who had ruined the holiday for her in previous years.
Things got so heated one year that she had to set her boundaries to protect her peace. Unfortunately, her decision only made those around her unhappy, leaving her wallowing in guilt.
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Despite the festive atmosphere, Thanksgiving can still spark some heated family drama
Woman in pink shirt cutting apples in kitchen, reflecting on refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving dinner.
However, her actions didn’t sit well with her side of the family
Text excerpt from a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to others flaking.
Text reading "Except… Everyone is unhappy. My kids are unhappy. My nieces are unhappy. My husband is unhappy." reflecting frustration in a family Thanksgiving conflict.
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Text excerpt discussing a woman refusing to attend her MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
Unmet and unmanaged expectations are a common source of stress during the holidays
The woman didn’t give a definite reason for her mother-in-law’s stress ahead of Thanksgiving. According to relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch, it’s often due to expectations that suddenly don’t go our way.
“We think this should be a perfect time, the food will be perfect, and our conversations will be respectful,” Dr. Orbuch said in an interview with Popular Science, noting that frustrations often arise when expectations and reality don’t match.
But sometimes, just being in the same room with family can already spark some tension. According to California State University psychology professor Dr. Pamela Regan, there comes a point when families return to the old, toxic behavioral paradigms.
“Because conflict is a normal part of relationships, the closer you are, and the more you self-disclose, the more you hear things you don’t like,” she said in the same interview.
Of course, there are ways to avoid conflict and stress during what is supposed to be a festive time. According to Psychology Today, accepting situations for their imperfections is one effective approach.
“Part of attaining happiness is appreciating what is,” an excerpt from the article reads.
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However, the woman had been forgiving and tolerant toward her mother-in-law, who made her feel like she and her family were the least-preferred guests. Her decision to put her foot down after feeling foolish and unwanted was within reason.
Text conversation about woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking.
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Conversation discussing woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after other guests flaked and she was reinvited.
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Reddit user discusses woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after reinvitation due to other guests flaking.
Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after other guests flaked.
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Screenshot of a Reddit conversation discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited.
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Reddit conversation discussing woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
Comment thread discussing a woman refusing to attend her MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
Screenshot of an online conversation about a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited.
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Comment about woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking, shared in online forum.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
Text conversation about a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
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Comment discussing woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking.
Comment discussing a woman refusing to attend her MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking.
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Comment advising to refuse MIL's manipulation and skip Thanksgiving after reinvite due to other guests flaking.
Woman refuses to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking on plans.
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Comment text about a woman refusing to attend her MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guests flaking.
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Woman refuses to attend mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking out.
Screenshot of a comment discussing a woman refusing to attend her MIL’s Thanksgiving after reinvitation due to guest cancellations.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited.
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Text advice on refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking, with family planning tips.
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Screenshot of an online comment discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to guest cancellations.
Screenshot of an online comment expressing exhaustion over a mother-in-law related Thanksgiving family situation.
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Comment discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking.
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Reddit comment discussing a woman refusing to attend MIL’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests flaking.
Comment discussing woman refusing to attend mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving after being reinvited due to other guests canceling plans.
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Loved when OP replied to a comment saying her husband would rather go no contact with his parents than deal with the effort of trying to get them to change. He lets his wife deal with their c**p so he can avoid it. What a loser.
First of all, your husband is absolutely worthless. Why is he bending over backward for this manipulative woman at the expense of his actual family? I would tell hubby that we are NEVER going to spend the holidays with his family again. Far too much nonsense for little return. There's an old saying, "there's not enough juice in that squeeze". As long as you tolerate the nasty narc behavior, nothing will ever change. And what a terrible example to your children.
Loved when OP replied to a comment saying her husband would rather go no contact with his parents than deal with the effort of trying to get them to change. He lets his wife deal with their c**p so he can avoid it. What a loser.
First of all, your husband is absolutely worthless. Why is he bending over backward for this manipulative woman at the expense of his actual family? I would tell hubby that we are NEVER going to spend the holidays with his family again. Far too much nonsense for little return. There's an old saying, "there's not enough juice in that squeeze". As long as you tolerate the nasty narc behavior, nothing will ever change. And what a terrible example to your children.
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