“I’ve Begged My Wife To Reconsider”: Wife’s California Conference Turns Into Husband’s Nightmare

Father and Reddit user Big_Yak_7004 has his hands full every day, figuratively and literally. Somehow, the man manages to work full-time (from home) and raise two kids while his wife pursues a medical career.

So, when she got the chance to go on a cross-country trip for a conference, the woman thought it would be a nice opportunity for the whole family to join her and spend some quality time together in a different environment.

However, her husband thinks that it would bring more stress rather than alleviate it, and isn’t so psyched about tagging along.

This dad is the primary parent in his family, and he refused to take the kids to join his wife on her work trip

Dad sitting on floor holding baby, reflecting on feelings about joining wife's work trip with the kids at home.

Image credits:  joaquincorbalan/Envato (not the actual photo)

But then, he started feeling really guilty about it, so he asked the internet what to do

Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with the kids, handling childcare at home.

Father caring for kids at home while they attend daycare, reflecting on parenting and family responsibilities.

Text on a white background discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text post discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text excerpt about a dad deciding not to join wife's work trip with kids to reduce stress for her.

Text showing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids at home.

Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids, handling strollers and car seats alone.

Man and woman having a serious conversation at home, reflecting on dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining work trip with kids

Image credits: nebojsa_ki/Envato (not the actual photo)

Text about a dad considering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text excerpt showing a dad exhausted and unsure about joining his wife’s work trip with the kids, feeling conflicted.

Alt text: Dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip while caring for kids and managing midnight baby duties

Text showing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Alt text: Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids, feeling conflicted and guilty.

Man wonders if he’s a jerk while holding sleeping baby and working on laptop at home during family time.

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Screenshot of a dad expressing hesitation about joining his wife’s work trip with the kids on a cross-country flight.

Text discussing a dad's perspective on <a target=

Text on a white background about a parent calling a child “the boy” while typing late at night holding daughter in rocking chair.

Text discussing childcare challenges and nanny pay rates on the east coast related to dad wondering if he’s a jerk.

Text excerpt from a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text discussing financial struggles with mortgage, daycare, and student loans influencing a dad’s decision about a work trip with kids.

Text excerpt showing a dad explaining his flexible job and deciding not to join wife's work trip with the kids.

Image credits: Big_Yak_7004

Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum says traveling with children is always going to cause more stress than traveling solo or as a couple

Parenting expert Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum giving commentary on child development

Image credits: honestmum

We got in touch with our parenting expert, Vicki Broadbent, and asked her how different it is to travel with your kids as opposed to without them, and the founder of the popular family blog Honest Mum told Bored Panda, “Children have complex needs and likes depending on their age so everything from their dietary requirements to what to do when they’re unwell and a whole host of checklists need to be ticked off before even embarking on a trip.

“Ditto for once you’re on vacation, you have a duty of care to your children, and their happiness comes first. Spontaneity is hard and often impossible to come by when you are travelling with children,” said Vicki, whose upcoming children’s book Greek Myths, Folktales and Legends is already available for preorder.

I don’t want to act like an armchair therapist, but having a full-time job and being the primary carer of two young children is a lot of work—certainly enough to burn out and start experiencing chronic parental stress, which is characterized by a parent who is:

• Experiencing physical or emotional exhaustion—or both;
• Feeling shame about their parenting, or that they’re not as good a parent as they used to be;
• Feeling overwhelmed or “fed up” with the role of being a parent;
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from their children.

Despite the author of the post appearing to check a few of these boxes, he also seems to fall into the 60% of parents who don’t do anything to relax and recharge.

Parents need to watch out for themselves to avoid burnout

Dad sitting with daughter on floor, engaged in a quiet moment, reflecting on not joining wife's work trip with kids.

Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Research has shown that moms and dads who are kind to themselves and prioritize self-care have better overall health and well-being.

If (before his inner critic tuned in) sticking to his routine felt like the right move for the dad to preserve his sanity, maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.

“Burnout is pervasive and common,” Broadbent said. “Society is not set up to support parents, and mothers in particular. The concept of a helpful village isn’t available to all and raising a child is the greatest labor a human can undertake physically, mentally, and financially. It is hard and often impractical for parents to take the necessary measures to look after themselves, yet it’s critical in raising children.”

To retain themselves, the Honest Mum said, parents need to, first and foremost, sleep and rest so that they feel content and energized. “The opposite is usually true, especially in the first year or two of parenthood.

“My advice is to accept help that is often from trusted sources and to try hard to sleep when your baby sleeps. Please speak to your doctor if you are struggling emotionally too. There is no shame in receiving help. Motherhood is the hardest job of all, it’s just society has gaslit you into believing that isn’t the case. You are not alone,” Vicki added.

As the dad’s story went viral, he joined the discussion in the comments

Screenshot of a Reddit discussion where a dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids.

Reddit comments discussing a dad questioning if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with kids.

Comments from a dad debating if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Most of which said he’d done nothing wrong

Comment discussing dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with the kids, sharing exhaustion and division of labor.

Comment advising dad not to join wife's work trip with kids, emphasizing his feelings and household balance.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with kids, offering travel advice.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment suggesting hiring a nanny or grandparents to watch kids while dad avoids wife's work trip with children.

Comment about dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids and saying no to the trip with small kids.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids, offering advice.

Comment on dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with kids expressing guilt and parenting views.

Comment discussing a dad’s feelings about not joining wife’s work trip with kids and managing family responsibilities.

Reddit comment advising a dad feeling conflicted about not joining his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Screenshot of an online conversation where a user disagrees, saying the situation is unreasonable and means working double time.

Comment about dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids, discussing concerns.

Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids, facing stress and parenting challenges.

Comment discussing whether a dad is a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment on a forum post where a dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Screenshot of an online forum post showing a dad questioning if he’s a jerk for not joining his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with kids.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment about a dad questioning if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids.

Man pondering with a tired expression, reflecting on being a dad and family work trip challenges with kids.

Comment on a forum post reading Why don't you hire a nanny, suggesting help for a dad wondering if he’s a jerk.

Comment expressing a dad’s struggle and overwhelm caring for a toddler during a wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment on dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with the kids about stress and childcare concerns.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with kids, suggesting daycare options.

Reddit comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not joining wife’s work trip with kids.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Commenter discusses dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids.

Reddit comment advising against joining wife’s work trip with kids, sharing a negative personal experience.

Comment discussing burnout and suggesting hiring a babysitter to ease stress for a dad unsure about joining kids on a work trip.

Some, however, felt like he could’ve handled the situation better

Comment discussing a dad’s feelings about not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids, focusing on family dynamics.

Text comment about a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment on a forum post expressing an opinion about a dad not wanting to join his wife's work trip with the kids.

Comment discussing a dad questioning if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids, seeking balance in family life.

There were also those who, instead of judging, offered their sincerest advice

Comment discussing dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text excerpt discussing concerns about traveling with children during a work trip, reflecting dad wonders if he's a jerk.

Screenshot of text discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip with the kids.

Comment on dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids, sharing conference insights.

Dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join his wife’s work trip, feeling conflicted about family and childcare.

Text advice for dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids, emphasizing support.

Comment discussing a dad wondering if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with the kids.

Text about dad wonders if he’s a jerk for not wanting to join wife’s work trip with kids, discussing exhaustion and planning.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!