“AITA For Telling My Brother’s Fiancée That The Reason She Couldn’t Get A Degree Was Because Of Her Choice To Be A Mom?”
Probably one of the best ways to be labeled a toxic person these days is to hand out your own value judgments in situations where they are definitely not needed. Such words are not good in themselves, and even more so when they are not expected from you.
What could be worse? Perhaps, only to express value judgments on the basis of a superficial acquaintance with a person, having met them for the first time and forming an opinion about them on the basis of, well, “collective images”. It’s interesting that when such words are taken as offensive, the people who expressed them are sometimes sincerely perplexed as to what actually happened, as they allegedly did not want to offend anyone.
A similar story happened to this woman who, unwittingly, offended her brother’s fiancee literally during their first detailed meeting. The original post, published on the AITA Reddit community, garnered around 13.3K upvotes and over 4.6K comments, mostly condemning its author. Let’s take a closer look.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster has a brother who is engaged with a woman who already has a child
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image )
So, the Original Poster has an older brother, “Adam”, who started dating “Michelle”, a woman two years older than him, who already has a child, about a year ago. Adam and Michelle recently announced their engagement, according to the OP’s own words.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
When her brother brought his fiancée and her son to a family dinner, the woman told them that she doesn’t have a college degree, though she wants to get further education
The OP says that she and Michelle have met literally a few times, but recently Adam invited the fiancée and her son to a family dinner. During the conversation at the table, the subject somehow turned to education, and Michelle admitted that she did not have a college degree, although she would very much like to continue her education.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
However, according to Michelle, this was difficult to do due to a lack of resources and opportunities. For some reason, these words from her future sister-in-law seemed to the OP to be a usual cliché, and she said that Michelle, obviously, just did not try very hard to get further education after high school.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
The OP told her that, in her own opinion, her future SIL didn’t have a college degree because she become a mom pretty early
The OP admits that after saying that, Michelle stared at her as if she’d just been told something really offensive. Asked for clarification on what she meant, the OP stated that there are a lot of college opportunities out there these days and one just needs to know how to use them.
Image credits: COD Newsroom (not the actual image )
However, the OP continued that it was probably difficult for Michelle to allocate time and resources to her education because she became a mother rather early. This time the future SIL did not hide her upset, and the OP was already unstoppable. When Michelle asked why she felt that motherhood had ruined her opportunities, the OP suggested that the woman just look at herself from the outside.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
The fiancée said that she’s happy to have a child now, but the OP didn’t believe her
According to the OP, if Michelle compared herself in her current position with herself if she had not become a mother and had more opportunities to develop further, then she would definitely understand what mistake she made earlier. Michelle almost tearfully said that she was happy to have a kid, and that she felt hurt by the OP’s words.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
At that moment, Adam returned. Seeing his fiancée in tears, he wanted to know what had happened. When Michelle told him everything, the man left the house without further words, taking Michelle and her son with him.
Image credits: u/Throwra53524434
Offended, the OP’s brother left the house with his family and later criticized his sister heavily
Later, according to the OP, her brother criticized her heavily, stating that it was none of her business how Michelle lives and what choices she makes. The sister tried to justify herself, saying that she was just expressing her point of view. However, her mother also took her son’s side and demanded that the OP apologize to Michelle. In turn, the OP categorically refused to understand what exactly she was wrong about.
Image credits: Gareth Williams ( not the actual image )
Most people in the comments slammed the OP for being so offensive as well
But the commenters mostly subjected the OP to serious criticism, totally agreeing with her relatives. According to people in the comments, the OP doesn’t know at all under what circumstances Michelle fell pregnant, so it’s not for her to judge. And in general, a woman should be more supportive instead of being so judgey.
According to other commenters, the OP is acting like she lived a very sheltered life. She just doesn’t have to judge other people on the basis that everything just happened to work out for her so far. According to some people, the OP should learn how to keep her rude and classist opinions to herself.
We’re pretty sure you already have your own opinion on this story, so feel free to write it in the comments. And we would also like to know what do you think about balancing motherhood and education in the contemporary world. Comments, as always, are highly welcome.
Yeah, the "Latin origins" line says a lot. I think she didn't like the future SIL and was looking for reasons to back that up. And it sounds more like an inquisition than just a friendly getting to know her dinner. Asking all about her personal life? Did you all let her ask about yours?
Yeah that latin comment seriously confused me. It wasnt until I read the reactions that i understood she was talking about the girls race! It was just so irrelevant and so out-of-nowhere, that I thought she was talking about something else. VERY telling she would feel the need to bring it up right off the bat...esp when the story has zero to do with her being Latina!
Load More Replies...
Racist and entitled/clueless. Good to know how easy and cheap it is to go to college. Assuming this is U.S. And frankly, working in a Salon is a pretty smart career, people will always need haircuts and we are more vanity driven than ever
Plus it's not and item you can import, or labor that can be outsourced overseas.
Load More Replies...
Gee...my cousin was a single teen mom and has a son with cerebral palsy. The "father" was never in the picture, and she never went to college. She somehow managed to grow up to be the Vice President of finance for one of the biggest movie studios in the world. What a LOSER!!! LOL
Yeah, the "Latin origins" line says a lot. I think she didn't like the future SIL and was looking for reasons to back that up. And it sounds more like an inquisition than just a friendly getting to know her dinner. Asking all about her personal life? Did you all let her ask about yours?
Yeah that latin comment seriously confused me. It wasnt until I read the reactions that i understood she was talking about the girls race! It was just so irrelevant and so out-of-nowhere, that I thought she was talking about something else. VERY telling she would feel the need to bring it up right off the bat...esp when the story has zero to do with her being Latina!
Load More Replies... Racist and entitled/clueless. Good to know how easy and cheap it is to go to college. Assuming this is U.S. And frankly, working in a Salon is a pretty smart career, people will always need haircuts and we are more vanity driven than ever
Plus it's not and item you can import, or labor that can be outsourced overseas.
Load More Replies... Gee...my cousin was a single teen mom and has a son with cerebral palsy. The "father" was never in the picture, and she never went to college. She somehow managed to grow up to be the Vice President of finance for one of the biggest movie studios in the world. What a LOSER!!! LOL
37
64