“That Was It”: Man Has Had Enough Of In-Laws Visiting Without Notice Interview
A new baby is thrilling for everyone in the family. It’s understandable for grandparents, aunts and uncles to rush to see the newborn and want to be around as much as possible to help out and bond with the tiniest member of the family. But there are still common courtesies that apply to visiting relatives, and it’s important to not make the new parents’ lives any harder. They want to enjoy this time with their little one too, and if they don’t need any extra help, visiting too often can be more of a curse than a blessing.
One father recently shared on Reddit that he has found himself wrapped up in conflict with his in-laws after attempting to set boundaries on when they were allowed to visit. He wanted some outside opinions on whether or not he was being reasonable, so below, you’ll find the father’s full explanation of the situation, as well as an interview between him and Bored Panda, and some of the replies his post received. Let us know what you think about all of this in the comments, and then if you’re looking for even more articles detailing drama between in-laws, you can find a couple more juicy stories here and here.
This father is wondering if he was justified in laying down the law and setting boundaries with his in-laws
Image credits: Jessica Furtney (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bored Panda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
Image credits: johnbilbobadger
We reached out to this father on Reddit to hear if there had been any updates on the situation since he posted about it online, and he is happy to report that the conflict has been resolved. “Everything went better, my in-laws understood, and now we have a good relationship,” he told Bored Panda.
We also asked him if the relationship between him and his in-laws had been tumultuous in the past. “We’ve had a couple of issues before, but none of them were bad enough,” he shared. “I think this time I lost it because I have a thing for privacy and boundaries.”
We also asked the father how it felt reading all of the replies that his post received reassuring him that he was not the jerk in the situation. “At first I felt supported, it was all good, but when it went sort of viral I felt bad because even if I was not the [jerk], I felt like an attention [seeker], and that was definitely not the point,” he told Bored Panda.
“You know, 10 people telling you you’re NTA is cool, but hundreds of people telling you that (some of them just saying I should get a divorce) kinda defeats the purpose,” he explained. “Maybe in the end, I felt like I was indeed the [jerk] just for posting that instead of talking to my wife at the time.”
“I do think anyone should call before visiting, but sometimes I regret posting my situation because I don’t like that level of attention,” the father admitted.
He is certainly justified in his desire for privacy and boundaries within his family, but I can also understand how the post blowing up might have been a lot to handle. Thankfully, the situation has been resolved, so if you’d like to share your thoughts below, please keep in mind that there is no need to harp on the in-laws. Let’s keep it kind, pandas. And if you’ve ever found yourself in drama with your in-laws, feel free to share how you managed to navigate those situations.
Readers have assured the father that he was being perfectly reasonable and his boundaries should be respected
My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
I can't get past the part where your MIL referred to your own child as "her" baby. Sounds like trouble ahead.
I have a cute related story to this. I also used to be irritated by hearing “my baby” when someone said that about my children, but when my niece started talking, she called me “my April.” When asked why, she said, “Because she’s the only April that I have.” And I realized… the word “my” wasn’t about ownership. It symbolized her feelings of connection to me. In turn, I referred to her as “my Amanda.” Now, when I hear someone say “my baby” about my own children… it’s an indication that person feels connected to and loves my child… and that makes me happy. I’m also aware of the fact that our words can trigger unintended negative emotions in others and so personally, I’m specific if I use the words “my baby.” For example: “my baby nephew” or “my beautiful friend’s baby.” (Side note: Amanda is 25 now and still calls me “my April.”) :-)
🥰 love that story
It's very common in the north of England for people to refer to family members as "our." My neighbour used to make me smile (I'm Canadian, but lived there for a decade) used to always say "our Robert," or "our Jane" when referring to family members. I thought it was cute.
Oh I call my littlest granddaughter "my" baby, but my daughter knows full well it's only a term of endearment. I certainly do not overstep my bounds with her, and she is only too happy for me to look after her and be around. However, ONLY if it is prearranged!
not MIL just mother, but yes
It amazes me that anyone who has given birth is so casual about dropping by after. That's one of the times that boundaries should be taken most seriously.
Oh, I would not have answered the door and then I would read grandma the riot act later.
As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
Same. The inverse is also true. I can’t count the number of times I’d come home to find one of my aunts cooking dinner, while the other was washing dishes. All of my relatives from Juarez had our garage code, so they could let themselves in. I wanted them to have a place to pit stop if they were in El Paso shopping or what have you. Once, we had an awful wind storm. Sand was flying everywhere! I knew I’d left my front windows open and I was dreading the mess I’d come home to. My aunts, uncles, and cousins didn’t feel safe driving in the storm, so they went to my house. No one texted. They just let themselves in. (Mi casa es su casa.) I came home to find my windows closed, my aunt Palmira had already vacuumed any dirt that had blown in, and my aunt Minerva was cooking sopa, while my uncles watched football. I was sooo happy to see them!
My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
I can't get past the part where your MIL referred to your own child as "her" baby. Sounds like trouble ahead.
I have a cute related story to this. I also used to be irritated by hearing “my baby” when someone said that about my children, but when my niece started talking, she called me “my April.” When asked why, she said, “Because she’s the only April that I have.” And I realized… the word “my” wasn’t about ownership. It symbolized her feelings of connection to me. In turn, I referred to her as “my Amanda.” Now, when I hear someone say “my baby” about my own children… it’s an indication that person feels connected to and loves my child… and that makes me happy. I’m also aware of the fact that our words can trigger unintended negative emotions in others and so personally, I’m specific if I use the words “my baby.” For example: “my baby nephew” or “my beautiful friend’s baby.” (Side note: Amanda is 25 now and still calls me “my April.”) :-)
🥰 love that story
It's very common in the north of England for people to refer to family members as "our." My neighbour used to make me smile (I'm Canadian, but lived there for a decade) used to always say "our Robert," or "our Jane" when referring to family members. I thought it was cute.
Oh I call my littlest granddaughter "my" baby, but my daughter knows full well it's only a term of endearment. I certainly do not overstep my bounds with her, and she is only too happy for me to look after her and be around. However, ONLY if it is prearranged!
not MIL just mother, but yes
It amazes me that anyone who has given birth is so casual about dropping by after. That's one of the times that boundaries should be taken most seriously.
Oh, I would not have answered the door and then I would read grandma the riot act later.
As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
Same. The inverse is also true. I can’t count the number of times I’d come home to find one of my aunts cooking dinner, while the other was washing dishes. All of my relatives from Juarez had our garage code, so they could let themselves in. I wanted them to have a place to pit stop if they were in El Paso shopping or what have you. Once, we had an awful wind storm. Sand was flying everywhere! I knew I’d left my front windows open and I was dreading the mess I’d come home to. My aunts, uncles, and cousins didn’t feel safe driving in the storm, so they went to my house. No one texted. They just let themselves in. (Mi casa es su casa.) I came home to find my windows closed, my aunt Palmira had already vacuumed any dirt that had blown in, and my aunt Minerva was cooking sopa, while my uncles watched football. I was sooo happy to see them!