It can be one you made up, or something that happened to you, or something that you’ve heard.
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On my paternal grandma’s side, they tend to thing they’re a cut above the rest.
Ha.
I did our family history and there was something weird: my great-grandma’s maiden name wasn’t the same as her dad.
Turns out she was one of 8 kids. Her mum had left her dad (but not divorced him). Her mum had taken her and the other 7 kids to live with this new bloke who took them under his wing. That’s why this bloke is in my family tree as my great-great-grandad.
The real great-great-grandad, nobody knows what happened to him.
when I was younger I had bangs and dark brown hair. once, at a restaurant, the restaurant manager was walking around, when suddenly he saw me and gasped (loudly). he then proceeded to ask me for an autograph because he was a big fan. I asked him what he was talking about, and he was like “you’re Matilda duh”. apparently when I was younger I looked just like the actress from the live-action Matilda movie. I, being a small child, was clueless to what he was talking about as I had never seen the movie. he even pulled up a picture on his phone for comparison, and was very disappointed when I clarified that I was not an actress. however I still signed a napkin for him haha! but here’s the funny part. he left after that, and our food came. I think he was so angry that I wasn’t the actress that he told the chef to make my chicken tenders raw and to put pieces of paper in my dad’s coffee, because that’s exactly what happened. it was hilarious!!
We had a station wagon in the 70’s that had two facing jump seats instead of a third forward facing bench seat.
On a long road trip over a mountain pass to get my older brother and his friend to a skiing competition, my youngest brother pipes up from a back jump seat, “I don’t feel good.” Dad, ”You’ll be fine.” A few minutes later the same report. The same answer. Then- barf!
My third brother facing him in the other jump seat shouts, “Oh gross!” Then he barfs.
Dad pulls over. They’ve thrown up in the ski boots packed into the foot well between them!
Pandemonium!
" Emily how could you do this?!¨ Jack cried out, his fist slamming onto the table, brown eyes watering with tears. ¨ I'm sorry Jack...i never meant to betray you...but I have to. You know this.¨ Emily blinked back her own tears mournfully.
¨ There has to be a better way, you don't have to do this¨
¨yes...i do. Uno.¨ Emily sets down her last card and Jack wails.
This is going to be a long one so I apologize in advance. I just want to get all the details down. Plus, you did say story….
I was a military brat in Europe as a teen in the 90’s. One day me and my buddies were at the commissary getting some supplies for a party we had that night when we saw this beautiful girl sitting in a van in the parking lot. One of my friends, Chad, decided he’d go and talk to her.
A few moments go by and he comes back very excited. He had gotten her number and they were going to go out that night. We reminded him about our party but he said he’d meet up with us later.
So at about midnight Chad shows up to the party and he doesn’t look happy. We asked him what was wrong and he proceeded to tell us the nights events.
He went to pick her up around 8pm and rang the door bell. Her father, typical military dad, answered the door. It was clear that the father was not happy. He told him, “She’s getting ready and will be down in a minute. Wait in the living room. I’ll go get her”. So he sat waiting. A few minutes goes by and he hears a set of footsteps coming down the stairs. He stands up, expecting to see his date. But he saw her father carrying her down the stairs. It turns out, the beautiful girl we saw in the van could not walk. She had both legs amputated from the knee down. He hadn’t noticed when he was talking outside her car door hours earlier.
Chad being a gentleman, did not panic or freak out like most teenagers probably would have. He comments on how beautiful she looks and can’t wait to take her out. So all of them go to his car, a nice 1991 BMW his parents got him, and the girls dad sets her down in the car. “I want her home by 23:00, no excuses”. Chad agrees and off they go on their date.
Now Chad says he had planned to take her to one of the hottest nightclubs. At 16, you can legally drink and get into where we were stationed, but for obvious reasons that plan was out the window. So he says they are talking in the car and he says she can tell that something was wrong and asked what’s going on. So he tells her what he had planned and she said she understood and suggested a place. It was like a lookout point, overlooking the airbase.
So they arrive park and continue to chat. Next thing you know, they are making out. Chad, who is really starting to like this girl, is too preoccupied about her thinking he was just advantage of her. She can tell he’s a little uncomfortable, so asked if they can go outside. He complied and carries her to the front of the car, where they sit and chat some more. Eventually, things escalated again and they are having sex on the hood of the car. Now, I dunno why he was thinking this at the time, but he started thinking about scratching up the hood. He stops and asks her if she minds if they move. She says no, and, I s**t you not, she suggested he take her to a tree close by. He carried her over where she proceeded to grab a hold of a low hanging branch. They finish the deed and he said they talked after then took her home so she wouldn’t miss curfew.
Now what happens next I’m not sure if I believe it. But when they got to her house, the dad answered the door and was smiling. Chad handed her over to the father and said he had a lovely time. The father says he wants to talk to Chad and wants him to wait downstairs for him while he takes his daughter upstairs. Now, he’s freaking out. Does he know? What does he want to talk to me about?
After a few gut wrenching minutes, the father comes downstairs. Has Chad sit down in the living and says “Son, that was a very nice thing you did tonight. The last guy she went out with left her hanging on that tree….”
This is my all time favorite joke. I hope you enjoyed it!
