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“Am I A Jerk For Not Wanting My Sister To Be Named Like Me?”
“Am I A Jerk For Not Wanting My Sister To Be Named Like Me?”
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“Am I A Jerk For Not Wanting My Sister To Be Named Like Me?”

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Your name is something that’s forever tied to your identity, so it’s only fair to want to be the sole owner of it in your family.

So this 18-year-old young woman got very upset after hearing that her dad and stepmom decided to give their baby exactly the same name as hers.

“My dad is super excited about this baby which I guess is good but him and his wife want to name the baby Roseanne since her favorite flowers are roses,” the author explained in the post on the AITA subreddit. Turns out, if they follow their plan, “it will be my exact name and surname.” Read the author’s whole point of view below.

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    Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: mstandret (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: RosieRoThrowaway

    Name expert warns that giving the same name to a second child in the family compromises both children’s identities

    Bored Panda reached out to Pamela Redmond, a baby name expert and the creator of Nameberry, known as the world’s leading expert on baby names, to find out what a name expert had to say about this case.

    “It’s totally reasonable to get upset about your parent and stepparent giving their baby the exact same name as yours! Not only does that compromise your identity within your family, it compromises the baby’s identity too,” Redmond said.

    Giving the same name to another child in the family was common in Middle Ages, but “this is no longer done and there’s no excuse for it”

    “In the Middle Ages, there were relatively few names in common circulation, families were large, and the infant mortality rate was high,” Redmond said. She explained that “At that time, it was normal for two children in the same family to be named John, say, or Elizabeth. That’s how nicknames were born — one John would be called Johnny, the other Jack, one Elizabeth would be Lizzie, the other Betsy.”

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    But in contemporary times, this is no longer done and there’s no excuse for it, really, the name expert argues. “There are more than 70,000 names in Nameberry’s database — surely parents can find different names for two siblings. If these parents can’t think of a different name for the new baby, they should let the older sibling whose name they want to steal choose the baby’s name!”

    “Our names may not be unique in the world, but they should be unique in our families”

    Redmond believes that there is nothing more personal or more central to our identities than our names. “Our names may not be unique in the world, but they should be unique in our families.”

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    “In some cultures and religions, children in the family may traditionally have the same first name — Mary or Maria in conservative Catholic families, for instance, or William as an ancestral first name given to all sons, with the children called by their middle names,” Redmond said.

    She added that this practice is old-fashioned and increasingly rare, but it is still done. “In this case, each child’s name is effectively their middle name.”

    Many people expressed their support for the author and said that she has a reason to be upset

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    Liucija Adomaite

    Liucija Adomaite

    Writer, Community member

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    Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

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    Liucija Adomaite

    Liucija Adomaite

    Writer, Community member

    Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

    Gabija Palšytė

    Gabija Palšytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.

    Read less »

    Gabija Palšytė

    Gabija Palšytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.

    What do you think ?
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I do agree that she doesn't have ownership of her name against anyone else, it is strange and eerie that her Dad and step-mom are adamantly going along with this. These are not good people for her to stay in contact with. Just because they're her family doesn't mean she's obligated to stay in contact and be attached to that family. I hope she realizes this and gets some help detaching and moving on to allow herself to live free from them.

    Ren Ka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with you. Something feels really off about this whole situation. Also, the chances of identity theft, or complications due to confusion between the two identities, will dramatically increase in this case. Not to mention couldn't her stepmom or dad open any mail that arrived for her at that address later by claiming they thought it was for her sister? OP should change her legal name and get out of that house for her own sake and safety.

    Load More Replies...
    Benhur Tan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    easy solution: replace "dad". replace "your surname". replace your address.

    RafCo (he/him/ele)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    None of those are easy solutions. It takes a lot of effort to replace your surname. You can't replace your dad, though you can cut him off. And replacing her address requires having another place to live. Your advice is sounds, but it's not easy

    Load More Replies...
    Aboredpanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know about suing, that sounds expensive with the potential to fail, and will cause even more damage to the relationship with the biological father. Changing her last name to protect her identity from scams seems much safer.

    Neuridivergent
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like that. The op should change her last name and go cut daddy out altogether. It sounds like he is toxic or at list enables toxic wife.

    Load More Replies...
    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aside from the obvious s****y behavior towards the 18-year-old daughter - are they even considering how weird it would be for the new daughter to have her sister's name? She'll probably feel like a spare or backup child whose parents couldn't be bothered to find a name that's just hers.

    Jen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can totally see the sister throwing a fit when she is old enough to notice and insisting on having her name changed to something completely different - possibly even something her mother will hate.

    Load More Replies...
    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are being a bit obvious aren't they? Move out as soon as you can, and change your surname. Yes it may be expensive, but I have a feeling it will be cheaper in the long term

    Suzy Creamcheese
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two kids with the same name? Other than George Foreman, who the hell even does that?

    Phred
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Hi, my name is Larry. This is my sister Roseanne, this is my other sister Roseanne."

    Load More Replies...
    Bunzilla
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is pretty twisted, and it's clear that she's being replaced. Since her father, step-mother and other family members all seem to think it's 'okay', she should really change her name (maybe Rosalie since she really likes that name and tends to go by Rosie or Ro anyway), give herself a middle name she enjoys, and change her last name as well while she's at it (at least where I live, it costs the same amount to completely change your name as it does to simply add one letter to a middle name). Then go NC. There's really no point in her staying, sadly. This is either an attempt to just replace her, or it's some attempt to get at her money (since OP says she's decently well-off). Maybe both. She should do this before new baby is born, and not inform them of her new full name. I feel so bad for her.

    Claire the Devils Advocate
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's also very creepy, especially when the Mother in law from hell doesn't like you!

    Abbelius
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I hate you so much, I'm going to name my firstborn after you!" Lol. So much logic there, as there's plenty of other rose-like names out there. Rose, Rosalie, Rosa, Rosario...

    Load More Replies...
    Suzie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd tell stepmom she can have Roseanne because you've decided to change your first name to her first name. See how she likes knowing that she won't be the only person with her name in the house.

    Abbelius
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when stepmom and dad protest, argue that stepmom can't gatekeep a name lol

    Load More Replies...
    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it‘s the Stepmoms idea. A way to show the first daughter that she (the wife) has the upper hand and the support of her husband. A way to show stepdaughter who comes first. Bet she is doing this on purpose, otherwise she would go with Rose, if this is all because she supposedly loves Roses so much

    Load More Comments
    StrangeOne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I do agree that she doesn't have ownership of her name against anyone else, it is strange and eerie that her Dad and step-mom are adamantly going along with this. These are not good people for her to stay in contact with. Just because they're her family doesn't mean she's obligated to stay in contact and be attached to that family. I hope she realizes this and gets some help detaching and moving on to allow herself to live free from them.

    Ren Ka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with you. Something feels really off about this whole situation. Also, the chances of identity theft, or complications due to confusion between the two identities, will dramatically increase in this case. Not to mention couldn't her stepmom or dad open any mail that arrived for her at that address later by claiming they thought it was for her sister? OP should change her legal name and get out of that house for her own sake and safety.

    Load More Replies...
    Benhur Tan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    easy solution: replace "dad". replace "your surname". replace your address.

    RafCo (he/him/ele)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    None of those are easy solutions. It takes a lot of effort to replace your surname. You can't replace your dad, though you can cut him off. And replacing her address requires having another place to live. Your advice is sounds, but it's not easy

    Load More Replies...
    Aboredpanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know about suing, that sounds expensive with the potential to fail, and will cause even more damage to the relationship with the biological father. Changing her last name to protect her identity from scams seems much safer.

    Neuridivergent
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like that. The op should change her last name and go cut daddy out altogether. It sounds like he is toxic or at list enables toxic wife.

    Load More Replies...
    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aside from the obvious s****y behavior towards the 18-year-old daughter - are they even considering how weird it would be for the new daughter to have her sister's name? She'll probably feel like a spare or backup child whose parents couldn't be bothered to find a name that's just hers.

    Jen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can totally see the sister throwing a fit when she is old enough to notice and insisting on having her name changed to something completely different - possibly even something her mother will hate.

    Load More Replies...
    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are being a bit obvious aren't they? Move out as soon as you can, and change your surname. Yes it may be expensive, but I have a feeling it will be cheaper in the long term

    Suzy Creamcheese
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Two kids with the same name? Other than George Foreman, who the hell even does that?

    Phred
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Hi, my name is Larry. This is my sister Roseanne, this is my other sister Roseanne."

    Load More Replies...
    Bunzilla
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is pretty twisted, and it's clear that she's being replaced. Since her father, step-mother and other family members all seem to think it's 'okay', she should really change her name (maybe Rosalie since she really likes that name and tends to go by Rosie or Ro anyway), give herself a middle name she enjoys, and change her last name as well while she's at it (at least where I live, it costs the same amount to completely change your name as it does to simply add one letter to a middle name). Then go NC. There's really no point in her staying, sadly. This is either an attempt to just replace her, or it's some attempt to get at her money (since OP says she's decently well-off). Maybe both. She should do this before new baby is born, and not inform them of her new full name. I feel so bad for her.

    Claire the Devils Advocate
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's also very creepy, especially when the Mother in law from hell doesn't like you!

    Abbelius
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I hate you so much, I'm going to name my firstborn after you!" Lol. So much logic there, as there's plenty of other rose-like names out there. Rose, Rosalie, Rosa, Rosario...

    Load More Replies...
    Suzie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd tell stepmom she can have Roseanne because you've decided to change your first name to her first name. See how she likes knowing that she won't be the only person with her name in the house.

    Abbelius
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when stepmom and dad protest, argue that stepmom can't gatekeep a name lol

    Load More Replies...
    Nitka Tsar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it‘s the Stepmoms idea. A way to show the first daughter that she (the wife) has the upper hand and the support of her husband. A way to show stepdaughter who comes first. Bet she is doing this on purpose, otherwise she would go with Rose, if this is all because she supposedly loves Roses so much

    Load More Comments
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