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23
“Didn’t Agree To Be Her Summer Babysitter”: Woman Upset When Stepson Cuts Her Out Of His Life
Interview With ExpertBlended families don’t always mix well. Sometimes they’re like oil and water; they refuse to merge smoothly, and completely repel each other at every turn. While some couples will throw in the proverbial mixing spoon and walk away, others will continue stirring in the frantic hope that an imperfectly baked plan will one day finally see the light of day, and rise to the occasion.
When one father moved his girlfriend and her small kids into his home, he did so despite massive protest from his own teenage son. Conflict ensued and the 17-year-old ended up moving out. The teenager has shared how, despite this, his stepmother now expects him to babysit her kids for free over the summer break. And netizens are divided over whether he should. Bored Panda reached out to Etiquette Expert and author Rosalinda Randall to get her advice.
RELATED:
One teen refused to have his life turned upside down when his father’s girlfriend moved in… so he left
Image credits: DragonImages / envato (not the actual photo)
But this didn’t stop his stepmom from trying to use him as free childcare for her kids over the summer break
Image credits: Lemnaouer / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: StuffySlocks
No ‘Father of the Year Award’ for this dad: An expert weighs in
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
A father has every right to find a girlfriend and move her and her children in without explaining it to anyone, including his 17-year-old son. However, taking this course of action will guarantee a bumpy transition. That’s the word from Etiquette Expert and Author Rosalinda Randall, who has lots of experience in smoothing over delicate situations.
“Apparently, Dad’s desire for companionship and pulsating manly needs dulled his regard on how this would affect his son,” Randall told Bored Panda during an interview. “Because of the son’s age, the father owed his son a conversation. Not to seek permission, but to give his son the opportunity to express his concerns, ask questions, etc. It’s a parent’s job to provide guidance, a sense of security, and teach their child how to work through changes and conflict.”
The expert says when children are at an age of awareness, it is imperative to explain what’s about to happen. “Blending a family requires open discussions,” she adds, “Especially when his son was losing his space and tossed in as a bonus babysitter without his consent.”
We asked Randall whether there’s a chance of reconciliation for the family. And if so, how? She believes it is up to the adults to make the first move. “Ask to meet up with the son on his turf,” suggested Randall. “Stepmom and dad, without the children, go to grandma’s house.”
She says the dad and stepmom should apologize. “For not considering his need for space as the older child; for assuming he’d babysit; for reacting in a pitiful manner; and finally, for not reaching out sooner,” she explained. And she added that they shouldn’t expect an immediate response. But they’ll need to give the teen time.
“Invite him over for game night. Dad can plan a day for just the two of them to hang out. Make room for him; find a private or semi-private space when he comes to stay overnight,” Randall added. “If you can provide a private room for him, invite him back to live with you. Then let it be.”
Randall says the stepmother’s reaction was not that of a responsible adult woman with children. Frustration is understandable, she says, but lashing out at her stepson was wrong, especially when he never made the “babysitting deal” with her.
The expert adds that the woman had a couple of months to respectfully and calmly work something out with her stepson. “Knowing how strongly he was opposed, it was her responsibility to have a backup plan. What did she do with her children last summer?” pondered Randall.
The etiquette expert says the woman revealed a bit of her nature by showing how she deals with unexpected difficulties and how she treats those that oppose her.
Randall says the stepmom needs to redirect her anger and take some responsibility. “When the babysitting services promise came up, why didn’t she speak directly with her stepson? As a mother, didn’t she think about discussing schedules, payment, nutrition, emergencies, driving, car seats, etc.?” she explained.
Randall says she doesn’t believe the dad deserves a “Father of the Year Award.” And here’s why: “Some parents consider their wants and desires first, then the child’s. A child doesn’t have the capacity to absorb adult dilemmas,” the expert told us. “In this case, a teen with all the hormones and pressure about what’s next after high school, has his life turned upside down. He needed security and acknowledgement. Moving to grandma’s house provided that for him.”
She says although the delivery was a bit rough, the son was very clear about his concerns. Instead of taking time to discuss them, both dad and stepmom turned on him, labeling him stubborn and rude. They both need to redirect that finger and point it back at themselves, she advised.
“The cruelest part of this story is hearing a dad tell his son that his behavior is because, ‘…you can’t let go of mom.’ How dare a dad say that? Instead of showing his son empathy, he practically reproaches him for remembering his mom,” Randall said.
She said the father shouldn’t expect his child to replace his mom’s memory. With time, he may come to care for or even love the new wife, she added. But it will be on his time.
Many people felt sorry for the teenager and some had advice on how to move forward
“Insufferable brat”: not all netizens took the teen’s side
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What do you think ?
Alexandra 5 months ago
No it isn't. You can't blend a family successfully if the children involved are not on board out of their own free will. Blended families have a failure rate of 70% as it is.
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 5 months ago (edited)
Sounds like OP's dad told new wife OP would babysit her kids without having talked to OP first. Then springs it on him to play happy families. "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Trillian 5 months ago
So the dad basically shoved his son aside so his "new family" could move in but they expect him to do free babysitting for kids he has nothing with? How is that a "deal"?
Nina 5 months ago
And he has a payed summer job which he should leave to babysit for free! This situation really gives a big fat Nope as the only reasonable answer. Dad wanted a new wife, but he hasn't seem to give any thought to what his (almost adult) son would want. I'm sure dad wouldn't have liked it if his son all of a sudden brought new people in to share their home.
Load More Replies...
ॐBoyGanesh 5 months ago (edited)
FFS, what it is with these grown āss adults who cannot see that a child, especially a teenager who’s nearly a legal adult, is a completely separate & independent person. They’re not an extension nor an accessory (nor object of any kind) of their parent(s). He’s definitely not required to love, like or even engage with some random woman & her offspring just because daddy does. Why can’t these people recognize they’re not in control of anyone’s feelings, wants, desires other than their own? For the lone YTAer, I’d like to see them forced into sharing their bedroom with a random child (gross) & take responsibly for said kid(s) with expectations they’ll bond. That’s not how people work.
Kit Black 5 months ago
Nowhere in there did anyone think to ask stepmom how she handled her kids in the summer before she married the guy she thought came with a built in babysitter?? She moved into his house - so her expenses are much lower now - so how did she pay for summer babysitting when she was managing all of her finances by herself?
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 5 months ago
That’s exactly what I was thinking, precisely what did she do last summer when she presumably also had 3 or 4 children? Probably do that again? And we have yet another post where a child lost a parent and there is next to no recognition that it is a lifelong loss for him. Dad apparently thinks he gets to solely prioritize his own happiness, and now makes demands of kid who he was willing to treat as completely unimportant. I am glad his grandparents are supportive of him.
Load More Replies...
Mike F 5 months ago
They read like step parents going through a similar situation. It's laughable really.
Load More Replies...
Jennifer Clayton 5 months ago
To all of the divorced parents out there: moving your new partner into the family home should never 1) force your children out, or 2) make your children work to make your partner happy. Stop and think how many people you expect to change their lives so you can get laid.
Athena Marie 5 months ago
He is already living with his grandparents so he has no need to even answer the phone to either of them. Why she even feels she has the right to call him at all is beyond delusional. Block her and live your life.
Tonyah Mcanelly 5 months ago
I think the entire family should have sat down and had a discussion and prepare for the families to be blended . Luckily i have never been in this situation My kids are adults now and my husbands kids are adults. The only family blending we have is at family functions which are pretty drama free . But I could never expect my stepson to baby sit my kids like that with out paying him his time is worth something . The dad is thinking with the wrong head .
Alexandra 5 months ago
No it isn't. You can't blend a family successfully if the children involved are not on board out of their own free will. Blended families have a failure rate of 70% as it is.
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 5 months ago (edited)
Sounds like OP's dad told new wife OP would babysit her kids without having talked to OP first. Then springs it on him to play happy families. "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
Trillian 5 months ago
So the dad basically shoved his son aside so his "new family" could move in but they expect him to do free babysitting for kids he has nothing with? How is that a "deal"?
Nina 5 months ago
And he has a payed summer job which he should leave to babysit for free! This situation really gives a big fat Nope as the only reasonable answer. Dad wanted a new wife, but he hasn't seem to give any thought to what his (almost adult) son would want. I'm sure dad wouldn't have liked it if his son all of a sudden brought new people in to share their home.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 5 months ago (edited)
FFS, what it is with these grown āss adults who cannot see that a child, especially a teenager who’s nearly a legal adult, is a completely separate & independent person. They’re not an extension nor an accessory (nor object of any kind) of their parent(s). He’s definitely not required to love, like or even engage with some random woman & her offspring just because daddy does. Why can’t these people recognize they’re not in control of anyone’s feelings, wants, desires other than their own? For the lone YTAer, I’d like to see them forced into sharing their bedroom with a random child (gross) & take responsibly for said kid(s) with expectations they’ll bond. That’s not how people work.
Kit Black 5 months ago
Nowhere in there did anyone think to ask stepmom how she handled her kids in the summer before she married the guy she thought came with a built in babysitter?? She moved into his house - so her expenses are much lower now - so how did she pay for summer babysitting when she was managing all of her finances by herself?
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 5 months ago
That’s exactly what I was thinking, precisely what did she do last summer when she presumably also had 3 or 4 children? Probably do that again? And we have yet another post where a child lost a parent and there is next to no recognition that it is a lifelong loss for him. Dad apparently thinks he gets to solely prioritize his own happiness, and now makes demands of kid who he was willing to treat as completely unimportant. I am glad his grandparents are supportive of him.
Load More Replies... Mike F 5 months ago
They read like step parents going through a similar situation. It's laughable really.
Load More Replies... Jennifer Clayton 5 months ago
To all of the divorced parents out there: moving your new partner into the family home should never 1) force your children out, or 2) make your children work to make your partner happy. Stop and think how many people you expect to change their lives so you can get laid.
Athena Marie 5 months ago
He is already living with his grandparents so he has no need to even answer the phone to either of them. Why she even feels she has the right to call him at all is beyond delusional. Block her and live your life.
Tonyah Mcanelly 5 months ago
I think the entire family should have sat down and had a discussion and prepare for the families to be blended . Luckily i have never been in this situation My kids are adults now and my husbands kids are adults. The only family blending we have is at family functions which are pretty drama free . But I could never expect my stepson to baby sit my kids like that with out paying him his time is worth something . The dad is thinking with the wrong head .
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